dailyjennie - Tumblr blog

[dailyjennie]

Nov. 1, 17 7:25pm

So Dad's girlfriend just screamed about how she is "exposed" to me and that I'm a problem and that I need serious help and I have to go to the psychiatrist (bc I'm shy and like not talking). I was watching smth on Netflix with sound on 100% so I didn't heard a lot, tho I couldn't keep myself from klicking on pause for a few seconds. I mean where is she exposed to me?? It's not like I'm bothering her or that it's a sickness that she could catch. I'm sitting in my room all day anyways. My dad told me to go to the living room and talk but hE SOMEHOW DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT THAT IS THE THING I CAN'T. Jez it's killing me tho.

I came here to have a good time, I feel attacked rn.

[dailyjennie]

Nov 1, 17 3:14pm

Nice now I'm crying bc i got a shirt from my dad which belongs to his girlfriend and he told me to say thank you to her but bc I'm a dumb fxxk i wasn't able to and started crying (i hide it, i don't think he saw it cuz i went to my room rather fast) after he was like "that's normal/after that you can go hode back in your room/act normal once/..." Idk i just lost it and started crying cuz i know it's normal and everyone should be able to do so but i can't and it's killing me.

And now i hear that my dad is crying too?! What is wrong with me? Why am I like this??

Okay he stoped crying, he didn't even cried for 5min.

Do you think he hates me bc of the fact that I can't talk to people?

[dailyjennie]

Oct. 29 2017 7:

So i was wondering if there was something like an app or website where you past an image and click somewhere to pick the color and it like showes the name of the color, like it's actually name. Not #2e0009 but maroon and like some philosophical/emotional/psychological stuff like where it stands for, where it's name is from and if it calms you down (like green) makes you creative/inspired (like blue) or angry/agressiv (like red) etc.

Also the app/website should ofc be free, and without ads (since they're annoying af) but you can donate stuff to it like the buy me a coffee site u know?

Also a few designs would be cool for example an expensive design (dark grey colors and black like photoshop for exp.) or a white look (well, white obviously) a tumblr theme (i think like this kind of dripping theme or hallo theme could be a tumblr theme but idk tbh) and a gay theme (I'm a gay supporter so don't hate at this point, you can also call it unicorn theme, all rainbow-ish) then there's the option where you can costumise the whole website/app/desktop app yourself (the themepacks should also include cursurs and stuff like all tools are round in the "cute" theme and stuff)

Also an option where you can save the colors and like put for exp. your favorite pastel colors in an folder and you can name them separately. But for this option you have to make an acc (wich doesn't even take 5min and is 101% free) and the app and desktop app should work withou internet if possible.

I could keep writing for like an hour or two. I spent the whole night and day thinking about it. And yes i just "left" my bed; at 7pm. (left aka i put pants on and am now sitting instead of lieng in my bed)

Please tell me this is existing or else I'm gonna make it exists but herefore i need like some smart people to help me.

I'm a little affraid that if this isn't existing someone will steal my idea. PLEASE BE NICE TO ME TUMBLR. I SHARED MY SMARTEST THOUGHT WITH YOU.

[dailyjennie]

Oct 9 12:21am

Today i went to the city with my cousin on the bike and i totally forgot that they have roads for bikes, like literally roads. Not side walks, not splitet side walks. Roads. A red road which had these white markes on in like actual roads. Then there is on either side a little bit higher and some green and next to it somewhere you can walk.

There where A LOT of people but also A LOT of really cool stuff. We bought bubble tea first. Than my cousin bought an eyeshadow palette (which smell sweet, like really sweet) and a makeup brush. Then we got bubble tea. I got the lychee one and it was soooo sweet, like I like sweet stuff, really sweet stuf (i mean i out like a kilo suga in my tae.. wait what (don't get this in a nasty way like my friends would)).

Anyway where was I... Bubble tea right, after that we went eeh.. well in some shops.. . Then we went to the king of ribs and got an menu (chicken burger, fries and coca cola) (and i was like i don't need smth to drink cuz i still have my bubble tea and they where well but it goes by the menu and i was like rEALLY EMBARRASSED.)

Well after that we went to newyorker (where i bought a really nice hat (THERE WHERE A LOT, THEY WHERE ALL SO NSJDHSJDBJE PERFEKT. )) And well.. we went to buy some hair color aND OMG BEFORE THE HAIR COLOR WE WENT TO A REALLY NICE SHOP. iforgotitsnamefck. I WAS LIKE OH THAG NAME IS EASY LETS READ IT THOUSAND TIMES SO I REMEMBER AND I FLIPPING FORGOT. Well sad but i rember it was like really cool and had the word low in it.

Anyways my cousin bleached her black dyed hair, which where then orange, bht she bought pink color to and put it in her hair after bleaching it more than five times. Now it's pinkish.

Well now we're just chilling and yeah tomorrow i'm going to my uncle.

Oh btw it needed AGES but i backed my chats on whatsapp up and it was like finally done and now i download WhatsApp on my new phone and it says like "well today for a month it backed up soo... You wanna have those chats back?" And I was like reALLY. I-

OMG MY COUSINS HAMSTER JUST CLIMBED OUT OF IT'S CAGE. I already was like "what the heck was that noise..? Did the hamster..- no..is jt a mouse..or rat.. noo..." Well i then shifted and turned to where the nose was coming from cuz i didn't want to have my back there well then my cousin jumbed up an was like "MY HAMSTER" (i can't write this without laughing and hurting myself to stop laughing 😂😂😂). Well we got it and bring it bag to it's cage and now it keeps climbing up it's cage and falls off omg i can't stop laughing 😂😂😂 heeeelp 😂😂😂

Anyways, the chats. Well I think i remember i hade a few REALLY GREAT CHATS past months and it's sad to lose them but well.. when i get my contacts and stuff everything is okay..

I really can't stop laughing 😂😂😂 I drank some cola to calm down (like u know.when you cant stop laughing u drink something and yeah)

Well........ Good nighty ❤️

He keeps falling 😂😂😂

[dailyjennie]

Cousin

Oct 8 17 10:58am

So i arrived at my cousin's yesterday (i kinda just woke up) and we where planning to go to the city today

[dailyjennie]

My weight?

Oct.7 1:13am

So I'm going to visit my dad and we (my grandma and I) wanted to weight my luggage and bc it's really big I had to weight myself and then myself with the luggage. And it said I was 55kg. I was like WHAT. My grandma was like WHAT. Like my weight is between 60-65kg and I'm always sooo happy when my weight is about 60-63kg xD

I think her weight thing is broken ._.

I visit my cousin tomorrow (I'm SO excited) maybe they have a functional weight thing 😂😂

[dailyjennie]

SORRY

October 7 1:04 am

I'M SO SORRY I don't post daily. It's just I felt really down the last weeks and yeah.. so sorry but I will update now more

[dailyjennie]

[170811] 3:12AM #22

Long time no posts 

[dailyjennie]

[170730] 12:41AM #21

IT’S THUNDERING AND I'M HELLA SCARED

I just wanted to put my clothes in my closet;—;

Also, it sounds more like a spaceship war then thunder.. no really, it sounds scarier than normal thunderstorms

For this situations, you really need a boyfriend and Disney movies

Please help me

[dailyjennie]

[170728] 4:07PM #20

My mum bought me some chocolate, Toblerone. I love that chocolate. It reminds me of my granddad...

[dailyjennie]

Tumblr room

[170728] 3:57PM #19

So, first of all, I’m listening to Jealous - Labrinth right now and it’s so beautiful.

So I spoke with my mum about her job, she just got one but we don’t know if it’s just a job where she has to come once or twice a week, or full-time. She wants full-time of course. I want to move to my dad. To Canada. But I can’t leave my mum and sister here, can I? So I decided when I really move, then next year, after I turned 18. Maybe in the summer vacation. I hope my mother won’t hate me for my decision. I don’t even know if I live there one year or five years. maybe just a half year. The only thing I know is that I really wanna live there, at least a year. I don’t wanna say to myself “what if...?” later. My sister and I decided to have a room together since we’re so close lately. We have to clean it up (there are a lot of old things like baby clothes and old toys, it is really messy). There isn’t even a ceiling bc we were rebuilding it, but it was never done. So we just try to make it livable. My sister likes black, galaxy and purple, at least she wanted to make her walls like that. One of her walls is black, the rest is purple. I like black too, but I love pink and pastel colors so my room is completely pink. Soft pink. We decided to make our room ‘tumblr’. Black white and maybe some gold accents. I upload pictures when we’re done, but that might take a while.

I couldn't sleep yesterday so I was up late, and I woke up late too, of course. It was around 2:30 PM which is 6:30 AM in Canada... *shrugs*  

Please excuse me, I’m going to drink up my tea and then I’m cleaning with my sister the room which is going to be our room.

[dailyjennie]

thinking...

[170728] 00:16AM #18

I just spent almost 2hrs folding a tonne of clothes. I was thinking while I was folding them; about my future. So my dad is in Canada right now, he lives there now. My mum, sister, and I, we are still in Germany. The school-education-system-thing is sh*t. I just wasted a year of my life bc I had to go another year to a different school even tho I was done. It sounds kinda complicated and idk how to describe I search something from the internet later ok?

So, I lived about 9 years in this house here in Germany; now that I write it down-9 years- it’s actually a lot. I've lived in Germany before, like 2 to 3 years in my great granddad’s and -mom’s house (i have a story to that too, but I'll tell u later). So I lived in Germany longer than 10 years... before we moved to Germany, we were living in the Netherlands but moved to Germany bc it was getting too dangerous. Anyways, I’m 17 now, almost 18. Wow... almost 18... it’s scary how fast we’re growing, isn’t it? I’ve never really accomplished anything in life. I’m a disappointment to my family, and I know that. I don’t see myself working in a shop or going to school another year bc I’m really shy - even tho my dream is to become an actor, and eventually a rapper (since I can’t sing). While I was doing the laundry, I thought about life... the years I’ve lived in Germany... every year I got shyer. People betrayed me, said they were friends, ruined everything, made fun of me and let me know that I was unwelcome and not wanted. I became more insecure year by year, month by month, week by week... day by day... It came so far that I wasn’t able to speak up in class, I once got send out and started crying outside the door. Life was tough and it isn’t going to be easier but I kind of have enough living here. I really want to live in Canada, even tho it’s just for a year or two. Always when I started to think about my future and I was like “I would love to go to Canada, and maybe live there with my dad” I always came up with “but I don’t want to leave my mum and my sister alone. My sister and I started since I guess a year (since I got here into K-pop) to like each other and fight less. My mum made clear that she would take a bullet if we would go to dad, and that she wouldn’t be able to live without us.” Honestly, I love my mother. And my sister, oh damn, she’s perfect at everything. I really don’t want to leave them alone and mum doesn’t even have a job or friend around, and I'm feeling bad about thinking to leave her. But seriously, I’m 17, I’m almost 18 and I have to move out someday. Germany I not good for me. This 10+ years really damaged and broke me. I just really want to try living in Canada. Maybe I will actually start enjoying life, maybe I’m able to speak to people someday, or maybe even able to order something. I still haven't decided and I’ve been thinking about this bc I’ve 1month to pack my luggage bc I’m going to visit my dad in September. I thought still have like a few months, the bigger was the shock that I only have a month left. I feel like bringing something with me for my dad, his best friend and wife, and son - I'll talk with dad about it. But you know... every time I was about to decide... I ended up with “but mum” “but my sister” never actually thinking about myself even tho I really should think about myself someday. I mean yeah when I stay, my mum and sister won’t miss me, I guess the opposite, I’m going them on their nerves bc I’m good at nothing and they're saying it a lot to me like “why are you so talentless” and “go do something with your life, don’t hang in front of your laptop the whole day” “go meet some friends or make some”. I’m sorry I am how I am, but that’s simply me. Maybe they should have time off from me, don’t you think?

I’m going to bed now. I go brush my teeth and put on some lip balm bc my lips are really dry right now. Idk If I’m going to go to bed immediately or if I’m going to write or read something, maybe watch the walking dead further, idk but for now, good night.

[dailyjennie]

Tired...

[170725] 7:23PM #17

This is going to be a short post just bc. I haven’t done something productive since two weeks, I feel like sht. Idk I just don’t have any motivation… for nothing… but I still wanted to post something on here. So my dad bought me a new laptop for wich I am really great full. I can finally use Photoshop and other Adobe products bc my old laptop didn’t want to work with it. Next, Photoshop. I made some lockscreens for friends which I’m gonna upload on my acc (not this one) and repost them here. I also have a few to do but I don’t find any motivation. The weather is rainy since 2 weeks, 3rd week is just starting. Sometimes there where thunderstorms too. I’m really afraid of them 😢 I feel so.. powerless? Even tho I finally get some proper rest, I feel tired all day. Idk maybe if I work out it’ll get better? My head hurts all the time and I once used to take a lot of pills and I don’t want to take so much but… it’s so annoying and argh I can’t stand it. Guess I have to take some or els I’m gonna pi** some people of with my bad (even tho it’s more a sad) mood.

I guess it’s enough for today

Bye

[dailyjennie]

writing✒

[170717] 3:19AM #15

I just finished writing a page, guess that’s enough for now. When I started I was like 0 motivated and I was like “nothing is going to pop up into my mind anyway…” Well… and here I am, just wrote a whole page 😂

Lesson for today: even tho you think you can’t do it give it a try and see what happens

I go to bed now, a lot of work is waiting for me in the morning… good night😴

[dailyjennie]

[170717] 2:08AM #14 Trying to make good pictures with my mobile be like:

[dailyjennie]

[170717] 2:12AM #13

Now I’m trying to write smth while I drink tea and have my Christmas lights on (it’s almost covering my whole ceiling x3 ). Also, you can see my awesome lightbulb cover on the left wich is a balloon c:

Omo, I have to tell you something, for a few min my cat was lying on my bed and cuddled her and then I was reading some stuff on Tumblr and she fell asleep and she almost fell from my pillow xD (I panicked and my hands immediately went to her but she already got a grasp herself and looked at me, kinda confused xD)

[dailyjennie]

Grimm

[170717] 2:01AM #12

My sister discovered new episodes from Grimm on Netflix which we were craving. We instantly watched two episodes 😄 We keep making theories 😫 almost as nerve taking as bts' theories 😅😂