daisyduce2-blog

[daisyduce2-blog]

Oh my Oscar Mayer Weiner! If I had one.

Be shootings. Train wrecks. Bus crashes. Fires. And let's not forget crock pot bombs, vehicle accidents and plane hijackings. But the "Irish weenies" (that's what I call the non-italian front and from henceforth you should refer to them as such) kept antagonizing the Italian weenies (mafia) with television and radio commercials, bus advertisements and billboards (to name a few). Publicly embarrassing them. Even though there are people dying all over the world because of their actions ... they keep on mocking them. Footnote: According to the Irish weenies playbook it's ok to keep mocking Italian weenies because: 1. Any day now he's gonna "say it" 2. "We're going" 3. So "we catch em" 4. The "bigger" or "smaller" picture 5. So I'm "covered" ... If there is such a thing. One must keep in mind that covering yourself "un-covers" someone else. This has been going on now for 10 years or 2000 years, depending on how you look at it; AD Francis or AD Jesus. There has NOT been a lot of removals of corrupt priests, popes, bishops or ministers but a lot of deaths of innocent bystanders. Remember, those men wouldn't be standing on those altars there, "weenies' if you had "meatballs" in the first place. Historically, these men have allowed this to happen to Christianity. Where's a Martyr when you need one? Oh my Oscar Mayer cocktail sausage! STOP. To keep it fair, I finally said "Not so fast there Irish weenies, you Irish/German cowboys have "itsy bitsy's" too." God is an equal opportunity dispenser of small, medium and large packages. Hey pots Stop calling the kettles little. Deal with it. Personally I was sick of it. I really miss church pre-phallus. Don't you? I should have kept quiet though because now I'm the target of criticism. The Italian guys are normal .... The Irish and Germans are normal. Now it's me, I'm huge. Ok, you're 5'6" and wear a size 9 ... I don't think so. Normal for midgets. Me? It's me. Ughhhhh! ... Soon after the "Irish weenies" started spreading that I'm huge ... they completely abandoned the fight against evil and forsook the church, altar, and Jesus ... choosing instead to stand up for their own manhood. (Could this be why it's been going on for 2,019 years) No more insulting mobster meat ... they just wanted to focus on protecting and defending their own phallic perfection! It's Her that's big ... Not us. Ummmm. I couldn't have said it better myself. This is what I imagined happened at Irish weenie Central aka the IwC ... The Irish weenies in the storm: Everyone get out of the boat ... Jesus row yourself back. Code red. She said we're SMALL. I'm outta here.... Jesus ... that's over the line when it comes to discipleship. MY OAR IS HUGE. The mocking of Italian sausages abruptly stopped. So it went from the battle of the bulge to it's her not us. Italy and Ireland one small happy family. Before you know it ... the United Nations Weenie division will be awarding me with some useless prize for facilitating world peace. You're welcome. This apparently has been going on since Jesus Christ died. Jesus was right ... He came not for peace but for swords ... or Swiss army pocket knives ... Whichever the good Lord gave you. Listen, most of us at one time or the other have spent time looking in the mirror and wondering stuff about our bodies. In the morning I still hum Andy Gibb while applying Bonnie bell lip smackers, spritzing on Loves Baby soft and of course, checking to see if "they've" grown bigger overnight. No. I don't. And that's the point. I gave that up after the birth of my children when I realized that breasts were meant to hold food for babies.(Breastfeeding, by the way, Can increase your breasts by a cup size.) GROW UP AND LET the rest of US GO BACK TO CHURCH. There are "Christian" men (boys) out there still talking boobies. Obsessed with their Twinkies. Will they ever leave the sixth grade? Disclaimer: I by no means advocate pre-marital intercourse of any kind. My involvement did involve carnal knowledge of men on both sides when I was younger. (I have relatives and boyfriends from both sides). FYI again ... I was a lost sheep and continue now in adulthood to advocate pre-marital abstinence