dakota4

[dakota4]

physically im not here but mentally yeah im not here either 

[dakota4]

Hahaha I feel you

istg i just reorganized my bookcases and then went and accidentally bought new books and now i have no room for them and so i have to reorganize my entire life again

[dakota4]

Stalking (Part 1)

(v). When two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

The arrangement with my boss was to work in his bakery for two months, until I received my admission into law school and possibly move out of state.

A month had already passed, leaving just two more weeks before I could leave the bakery for good. My mother had worked hard to secure me the job, despite my father’s objection to any of his children working for someone else. 

However, she convinced him that I needed to stay occupied while waiting for the admission letter, and I appreciate her for that. Although I wasn't too keen on working at that particular bakery, but I didn't want to stay home either. Mother was right; I would have been idle. 

Now, I find myself eating a croissant and drinking soda while waiting for the last two customers to leave so I can close up. It’s already 9:30, and curfew starts at 10:30, but mom convinced my boss to let me stay until 11 PM at the latest, which he reluctantly agreed to. After a few more minutes, the first customer left, and then shortly after, the second one departed. I sighed in relief, bid them goodnight, finished my croissant, and started tidying up. 

Just as I was about to lock up, I noticed a guy standing across from the bakery, staring intently at me. My breath caught in my throat. This was the same guy I'd noticed since my second week here. He always watched me from that same lonely spot beside the tree across the street. Initially, I brushed it off since it was occasional, but now it was happening every day. 

The darkness behind the trees cloaked him like he was a part of it and that scared me even more. I could never see his full face, shrouded in shadows, nor discern the color of his eyes since he never came too close. 

Over the past few weeks, I had learned to ignore his presence. But tonight, as I stood here  staring at him and he back at me, I found myself unable to move. It was like a strange, magnetic pull kept me rooted to the spot. He didn't stop staring, even though he knew I had caught him. There was something different about those eyes. Those eyes who would never look away from me. Those eyes I could never see, yet they sent shivers down my spine. My breath quickened, a mix of fear and a bit of uh curious attraction I couldn't fully understand but still knew it was wrong. His gaze held a dark intensity that both frightened and intrigued me. It felt like he was trying to communicate something through the silence, the darkness and the distance.

Eventually, I shook my head, forcing myself to break the spell. With effort, I made my feet move and turned to lock up the bakery. A nagging feeling of impending doom nudged me, but I decided to ignore it. I finished locking up, glancing back once more to see him still there, his figure blending more into the night. Despite the fear, a part of me wanted to know more about him, to understand why he watched me every night.  

I glanced across the street again, but the man was no longer there. Wasn’t it just a few minutes? He was standing just there. A wave of relief washed over me as I started walking home. Checking my phone, I saw it was 10:30—curfew was fast approaching, and I really needed to hurry.

As I walked farther from the bakery, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around quickly, but there was no one there. No one behind me either. Shaking off the feeling as paranoia, I picked up my pace. I really needed to get back to the comfort of my bed. 

The sensation returned, prickling my skin. I turned again, scanning the empty street. Still, no one. I knew I wasn't imagining things. Someone was definitely following me. Could it be the man from behind the trees?

I quickened my steps, my heart racing. But after a while, still feeling that shiver of being watched, I slowed down. It was unusual for someone being stalked to slow down when their life might be in danger. But then there was it. My reckless curiosity mingled with my fear. Those eyes—hidden in darkness yet so piercing—kept flashing in my mind. What did he want? Why was he always there, watching? My steps grew slower, more deliberate, as I continued home, torn between fear and a desperate need to know more about my stalker. 

I continued walking, the occasional shiver and sixth sense telling me someone was definitely stalking me. I was sure it was the guy from behind the trees. I turned back every so often but saw no one. Trying to catch my stalker off guard, I hastened my pace, hoping he would quicken his steps to avoid losing sight of me.

After a few minutes of walking fast, I turned around almost immediately and suddenly caught sight of a shadow and a mask. My heart pounded as I stopped, staring at the spot where I had seen the shadow. For a moment, I considered going towards it, driven by fear and curiosity. But then I dismissed the thought—what if the person was a serial killer?

Fear overrode curiosity, and I took off running. The more I ran, the stronger the sense of the stalker's presence grew. I didn't dare look back this time. I just focused on getting home as fast as I could.

When I finally reached home, I burst through the door and locked myself in my room. My parents, alarmed, asked what was wrong. I brushed it off, saying it was nothing, just that I thought someone was following me. They didn't press further, and I was left alone with my thoughts all over the place and the memory of those eyes hidden behind the darkness. 

[dakota4]

🖤

He made me wanna do things I wouldn’t normally do. Like send every fucking nude, every inch of my body for him to memorize and then write a poem about it. So fucking devoted to my body and I love it. I LOVE HIM!

[dakota4]

[dakota4]

If I have just 60 seconds left to live, I will regret every time and every moment i told myself that I wasn’t enough. I will hug my mom the entire minute and let her know go I would have been absolutely nothing without her. I will call that one person and say “I love you and I always will”. I will just lay down and pray and thank God for the life he’s blessed me and my loved ones with. I will smoke a cigarette, I will draw a tattoo, I will dance to a song in the rain, I will just find a guy and cuddle with him till whenever and maybe fuck. I will live and love like I have a thousand more to give. I will be chaos itself.

[dakota4]

You wanna volunteer?

[dakota4]

[dakota4]

The constant struggle between wanting to worship her like she's a goddess and wanting to violently fuck her like I'm about to sacrifice her to one.

[dakota4]

I’m not disrespectful. I.am.sarcastic! There is a difference. Be guided.

[dakota4]

The moral of the story is that you realize at the end of the fucking day, you really have no fucking friends because the people you call your friends are okay with having fun without you.

But at this stage, I really don’t fucking care no more.

[dakota4]

Um ok

[dakota4]

Okayyy, do you ever see a red flag 🚩 and just think to yourself like…

…is it *that* red though?

Do you know what I mean?

[dakota4]

“I didn’t drown I was the water”

Such creativity for a suicide note?

[dakota4]

I have no trajectory. I have turned my back on all I am and all I know.

[dakota4]

Nobody wears glasses to just see anymore. LASIK replaced that idea. Now they are just a fashion accoutrements. Because glam never takes a day off.

[dakota4]

Nobody wears glasses to just see anymore. LASIK replaced that idea. Now they are just a fashion accoutrements. Because glam never takes a day off.