dal-writes-beta

[dal-writes-beta]

@astro-nomaly @mother-spore-missa @highbookwormofthecentury

An old man with a long, flowing white beard, a warm, sun-kissed brown complexion, and strangely intricate vitiligo swirls and spots on his face stepped off a boat.

"100!" a man called out as he gave him a bracelet with the number on it, "The rest of you will have to wait!" There was a chorus of disappointed sighs and groans that resonated from the people still aboard the ship. The old man chuckled as he read the sign hanging from a pole on the dock.

"Welcome to Ignacia, The Flaming Peaks Islands!"

His gaze reached up to the smoking mountain top in the distance. The scent of sea food and palm trees wafted his way as he walked through the market place were local merchants announced their wares with great pride. He dearly wished to stop when he spotted a booth selling octopus kebabs, but knew he didn't have time. His path was set towards the palace that sat about half way up the volcano.

~~~~~~~~~

Nya nearly stumbled down the stairs leading to the forge, her shark-like tail grazing the walls with every step. It was so dark, how did Kai see where he was going? As she descended on the last step, a rush of sensation hit her in the face. Hot air blew her hair around her face, and a rhythmic bang, bang, bang made her want to cover her ears. Nya felt like her gills were going to dry out. How did Kai stand it down here?

She saw him in the far corner of the forge, bent over whatever he was working on. Sweat ran down the side of his face, and the orange-red glow of the fires made the scar on his right eye stand out. She approached him.

"Kai?" she asked tentatively. He wasn't always in a good mood when he came down here. When he glanced at her she could tell he was in a foul one today.

"What?" he replied sharply. He turned towards her and knocked over a rack of weapons with his shark-like tail. "Argh," he grunted as he bent over to pick them up. Nya wet a clean cloth in the bucket of water that sat in the corner.

"It's so hot down here. You need to be more careful, you're gonna dry out your gills one of these days," she chided as she wrapped the cloth around his neck. Kai huffed as he finished picking up the weapons and sat down on his stool.

Nya picked up the sword he had been working on. It was a spiral, like turtle nests in the sand. She chuckled. "Looks like you were too hasty again."

Kai's frustrated expression softened into a small smile. "You're probably right." He wiped his hands on a cloth that was just as sooty as they were, doing next to nothing to remove the grime of the forge. "What did you want?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving for the Diplomat's Meeting in the Isles," she explained, "And there's an old man up in the courtyard who wants to speak with you. Krux keeps giving him the evil eye."

"I'll go talk to him," he put the bent sword away and started heading towards the stairs, "Let's go, sis."

~~~~~~~~~

As Kai rounded the corner into the courtyard, the lovely scent of na'u and pikake greeting his sense. The gardens we're all lush and full of life at this time of year.

It wasn't hard to spot the old man Nya had mentioned. He was short, sure, but it was hard to miss his long, white beard, conical kasa, and long robes. He stood like someone who knew he was important, but his kind eyes threw off any feeling of inferiority one might have felt in his presence.

Nya was right, Krux was standing at the other end of the courtyard, giving the little old man the evil eye. Kai approached him.

"Hello. Forgive my appearance, I've just come up from the forge," Kai greeted the old man as he tried to wipe some of the soot from his apron, "I understand you wanted to speak with me?"

"Greetings, young Prince Kai. It is an honor to meet you," the man bowed politely, "I am Wu, and I have much to discuss with you and your sister if you have time." Nya came up to them from the doorway where she had been standing when he mentioned her.

"I have to leave for a diplomatic meeting soon," she explained, "but I have about an hour before I need to be at the dock." She looked at Kai. This man was someone important, Kai could tell. He supposed whatever Wu needed to say could be discussed over tea.

"Follow me," Kai said.

~~~~~~~~~

A servant poured some tea into each of their cups, and Wu took a long sip of his. Kai had cleaned up a bit, his face was no longer smudged, and he had changed into his apricot colored robe with the red and gold embellishments. His benkan sat proudly upon his slicked back hair.

"So, Wu, what did you want to talk about?" Nya asked as she took a sip of her tea. She was dressed in a loose light blue kimono well suited for the summer sun. Her straight, jet black hair fell nearly to her waist.

"I run a… self-discovery retreat of sorts. For future world leaders and elemental masters," he explained, "I was wondering if Prince Kai would like to attend, seeing as his 25th birthday is coming up… next month, is it?" Kai and Nya glanced at each other. A self-discovery retreat? It sounded strange, and they hadn't heard anything about it. Kai was about to decline his offer when he was interrupted. "Your parents attended."

This stopped Kai in his tracks. Their parents had attended this retreat? That changed things…. It seemed like only a few years ago his parents had gone missing. Krux insisted that they had died in the shipwreck, but his mom was a Merlopian, she couldn't drown, and Krux hadn't seen the letter his dad had left him, asking him to watch over Nya.

"Allow me to discuss this offer with my sister," Kai said as he stood from his seat and Nya followed suit. He led Nya out of earshot of Wu.

"Do you think this is a good idea, Kai?" Nya asked him in a hushed voice, "This guy shows up out of nowhere asking you to come with him, and tells us he knew our parents? Seems suspicious to me…"

"You're right… but if he has answers about Mom and Dad…" he looked back at Wu, who smiled and waved before taking another sip of his tea. Nya studied Kai for a moment, and he could see the second she decided he was going to this, with or without her approval.

"Fine. But I'm coming with you."

"You can't. You have that Diplomat's Meeting you have to attend," Kai shook his head. Nya sighed.

"You're right... then I'll just meet you there afterwards." Now it was Kai's turn to see that Nya wasn't going to change her mind. They nodded in agreement and walked back to where Wu was still sitting.

"Have you come to a decision?" Wu asked as he rose from his seat.

"I will come with you, and Nya will join us after her meeting," Kai explained as Nya nodded.

"Wonderful! I will be waiting at the dock tomorrow morning at 7 o'clock. I am so glad you have decided to attend," with that, Wu left the siblings.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Kai..." Nya sighed.

Official revised version. I plan to post tomorrow. Any last thoughts before I do?

Posted

[dal-writes-beta]

Dal's Beta Works

Hi, I'm @dumb-about-legos, but you can call me Dal or Mars.

This is my blog where I'll be posting my beta works so it's easier for me to keep track and for my beta readers to access.

Please do NOT beta read with out permission! I don't take unsolicited advice kindly, so unless I have asked you too or I have given you permission, don't beta read!

My current beta readers are:

@astro-nomaly

@mother-spore-missa

@highbookwormofthecentury

If you would like to beta read, send me a dm or comment on this post!

[dal-writes-beta]

@mother-spore-missa @astro-nomaly @highbookwormofthecentury

I made this blog so that I could post the beta chapters with out having to worry about them taking up room on my lego blog before they're done.

An old man with a long, flowing white beard, a warm, sun-kissed brown complexion, and strangely intricate vitiligo swirls and spots on his face stepped off a boat.

"100!" a man called out as he gave him a bracelet with the number on it, "The rest of you will have to wait!" There was a chorus of disappointed sighs and groans that resonated from the people still aboard the ship. The old man chuckled as he read the sign hanging from a pole on the dock.

"Welcome to Ignacia, The Flaming Peaks Islands!"

His gaze reached up to the smoking mountain top in the distance. The scent of sea food and palm trees wafted his way as he walked through the market place were local merchants announced their wares with great pride. He dearly wished to stop when he spotted a booth selling octopus kebabs, but knew he didn't have time. His path was set towards the palace that sat about half way up the volcano.

~~~~~~~~~

Nya nearly stumbled down the stairs leading to the forge, her shark-like tail grazing the walls with every step. It was so dark, how did Kai see where he was going? As she descended on the last step, a rush of sensation hit her in the face. Hot air blew her hair around her face, and a rhythmic bang, bang, bang made her want to cover her ears. Nya felt like her gills were going to dry out. How did Kai stand it down here?

She saw him in the far corner of the forge, bent over whatever he was working on. Sweat ran down the side of his face, and the orange-red glow of the fires made the scar on his right eye stand out. She approached him.

"Kai?" she asked tentatively. He wasn't always in a good mood when he came down here. When he glanced at her she could tell he was in a foul one today.

"What?" he replied sharply. He turned towards her and knocked over a rack of weapons with his shark-like tail. "Argh," he grunted as he bent over to pick them up. Nya wet a clean cloth in the bucket of water that sat in the corner.

"It's so hot down here. You need to be more careful, you're gonna dry out your gills one of these days," she chided as she wrapped the cloth around his neck. Kai huffed as he finished picking up the weapons and sat down on his stool.

Nya picked up the sword he had been working on. It was a spiral, like turtle nests in the sand. She chuckled. "Looks like you were too hasty again."

Kai's frustrated expression softened into a small smile. "You're probably right." He wiped his hands on a cloth that was just as sooty as they were, doing next to nothing to remove the grime of the forge. "What did you want?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving for the Diplomat's Meeting in the Isles," she explained, "And there's an old man up in the courtyard who wants to speak with you. Krux keeps giving him the evil eye."

"I'll go talk to him," he put the bent sword away and started heading towards the stairs, "Let's go, sis."

~~~~~~~~~

As Kai rounded the corner into the courtyard, the lovely scent of na'u and pikake greeting his sense. The gardens we're all lush and full of life at this time of year.

It wasn't hard to spot the old man Nya had mentioned. He was short, sure, but it was hard to miss his long, white beard, conical kasa, and long robes. He stood like someone who knew he was important, but his kind eyes threw off any feeling of inferiority one might have felt in his presence.

Nya was right, Krux was standing at the other end of the courtyard, giving the little old man the evil eye. Kai approached him.

"Hello. Forgive my appearance, I've just come up from the forge," Kai greeted the old man as he tried to wipe some of the soot from his apron, "I understand you wanted to speak with me?"

"Greetings, young Prince Kai. It is an honor to meet you," the man bowed politely, "I am Wu, and I have much to discuss with you and your sister if you have time." Nya came up to them from the doorway where she had been standing when he mentioned her.

"I have to leave for a diplomatic meeting soon," she explained, "but I have about an hour before I need to be at the dock." She looked at Kai. This man was someone important, Kai could tell. He supposed whatever Wu needed to say could be discussed over tea.

"Follow me," Kai said.

~~~~~~~~~

A servant poured some tea into each of their cups, and Wu took a long sip of his. Kai had cleaned up a bit, his face was no longer smudged, and he had changed into his apricot colored robe with the red and gold embellishments. His benkan sat proudly upon his slicked back hair.

"So, Wu, what did you want to talk about?" Nya asked as she took a sip of her tea. She was dressed in a loose light blue kimono well suited for the summer sun. Her straight, jet black hair fell nearly to her waist.

Green means it was added. Pink means it was moved. Orange with a strikethrough means it has been removed.

"I run a… self-discovery retreat of sorts. For future world leaders and elemental masters," he explained, "I was wondering if Prince Kai would like to attend, seeing as his 25th birthday is coming up… next month, is it?" Kai and Nya glanced at each other. A self-discovery retreat? It sounded strange, and they hadn't heard anything about it. Kai was about to decline his offer when he was interrupted. "Your parents attended."

"I don't think that'll be nec-" Kai began.

"Your parents attended."

This stopped Kai in his tracks. Their parents had attended this retreat? That changed things…. It seemed like only a few years ago his parents had gone missing. Krux insisted that they had died in the shipwreck, but his mom was a Merlopian, she couldn't drown, and Krux hadn't seen the letter his dad had left him, asking him to watch over Nya.

"Allow me to discuss this offer with my sister," Kai said as he stood from his seat and Nya followed suit. He led Nya out of earshot of Wu.

"Do you think this is a good idea, Kai?" Nya asked him in a hushed voice, "This guy shows up out of nowhere asking you to come with him, and tells us he knew our parents? Seems suspicious to me…"

"You're right… but if he has answers about Mom and Dad…" he looked back at Wu, who smiled and waved before taking another sip of his tea. Nya studied Kai for a moment, and he could see the second she decided he was going to this, with or without her approval.

"Fine. But I'm coming with you."

"You can't. You have that Diplomat's Meeting you have to attend," Kai countered shook his head. Nya sighed.

"You're right... then I'll just meet you there afterwards." Now it was Kai's turn to see that Nya wasn't going to change her mind. They nodded in agreement and walked back to where Wu was still sitting.

"Have you come to a decision?" Wu asked as he rose from his seat.

"I will come with you, and Nya will join us after her meeting," Kai explained as Nya nodded.

"Wonderful! I will be waiting at the dock tomorrow morning at 7 o'clock. I am so glad you have decided to attend," with that, Wu left the siblings.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Kai..." Nya sighed.

I think it's a lot better now. What do you guys think?