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hey guys if anyone was wondering, I’m not doing okay at all

(Huge spoilers)

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GOD i love the dynamic between garrus and paragon shepard, especially in the first two games. i love that shepard challenges his black and white sense of justice and that she pushes him to do better. i love that he gets comfortable enough to argue with her but that he respects her too much to just write her off when she disagrees with him

i do love their dynamic in the third game of course, it's my favourite point of their relationship, but the early clashing of ideologies is so interesting to me and there isn't much of that in me3 because of you know. the horrors

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i think “video games aren’t really the violent child-corrupting threat some parents worry they are” and “certain circles of gamer culture are incredibly toxic and can lead people down dangerous/hateful ideological rabbit holes” are ideas that can absolutely coexist

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People used to comment on web comics.

People used to comment on fanfiction.

People used to comment on fanart.

People used to comment on OCs.

I hate "content" culture.

I hate "consuming content" and scrolling immediately to the next thing.

People used to be excited about the art that other people created.

People used to want to share that excitement with creators.

I hate this future.

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i want to coin a phrase that's the opposite of writer's block. call it the muse's fire hydrant. thirty thousand story ideas are being beamed directly into your brain and if you don't write them all at once you will die.

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This is by no means going to be exhaustive, but I want to take a moment to explain why the notion of Garrus as jealous, possessive, or sometimes violently jealously possessive (especially where Shepard and other potential Shepard love interests are concerned) doesn’t hold a lot of water for me, canonically-speaking.

This got long; more under the cut.

Keep reading

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Warming Up 🪐🩵

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Fandom PSAs

Dont’ Like, Don’t Read

or DL; DR

You are responsible for curating your own online experience.

If something upsets you, makes you angry or queasy or triggers you, stop reading/looking at it. Avoid things that might make you feel that way.

Learn to use the Sort and Filter function on AO3, especially the Exclude tools.

On social media, block and mute accounts / tags / words when necessary.

If you hated something, you don’t need to tell that to the creator or start pointing fingers at them publicly.

The Back button is free. Use it.

Addendum:

Yes, for this to work, creators need to tag their works accordingly, so that people know what sort of content they are about to engage with and can nope out if necessary.

I will probably make another PSA about the importance of proper tagging later.

Ship And Let Ship

or SALS

You are allowed to ship whatever you want.

Everyone else is also allowed to ship whatever they want.

You are entitled to dislike or even hate a ship. If you want to do this online, in public, don’t use the ship tags for hate posts.

If you see someone posting about a ship they like and you don’t, there is no need for you to start arguing with them in their replies / comments / QRTs / reblogs. Don’t throw your hate in their face.

Do not harass fan creators or fans for shipping something you disapprove.

All of this also applies to liking / disliking an individual character.

Addendum:

”I agree with this, except when…”

No, then you are NOT agreeing with this.

Let me make this VERY clear. There are NO exceptions. None.

You don’t EVER harass real people over pixels.

If you disagree with this, kindly block and move on.

Your Kink Is Not My Kink

or YKINMK / YKINMKATO

The longer version is ”Your Kink Is Not My Kink And That’s Okay”.

People have different tastes. Not everything is for everybody.

Even if you don’t like a specific kink, other people are still allowed to use it in their creations.

You are entitled to dislike kinky content and think that it’s ”weird”.

Don’t kink shame or judge people based on their kinks.

This goes both ways: your kink is not someone else’s kink, so don’t push it onto those who are not into it.

Be Kind

or Don’t Be An Asshole

Focus on the things you like instead of the things you hate.

Create and unite instead of destroying and dividing.

Don’t harass real people over fictional things.

Stop stirring up petty drama just to get some attention on social media.

Stop trying to ”win”. Fandom is not a competition.

Remember that your own experiences aren’t universally shared. Your perception of things can differ from someone else’s, but that doesn’t mean either of you is necessarily wrong.

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You're here?? And your write again??? I missed you. How are you? 🥺

Hello Lady!!! Yeah, I'm here again hehe life got crazy the past couple of years and I sort of fell off the face of the earth. But yeah, I'm here and I had this story in my head for like 3 years, so I figured I might as well post it hehe how are you? 💜

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From the Nest to Flying Free

Book: Open Heart

Main Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Dr. Samantha Shepard)

Summary:

"Would you have asked me to the mall if we'd met when we were her age?" "In a heartbeat. Would you have said yes?" "Of course! I would have had a major crush on you." "It would have been mutual." In another life, Bryce Lahela met Samantha Shepard when he was nothing more than a "surfer who got good grades without trying", and Samantha was nothing more than the Lahela's live-in staff's daughter.

Rating: Teen (might change later in the story).

Tags: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends to Lovers, First Love, First Relationship, Alternate Timelines, Flashbacks included, Dual POV.

Also available on AO3 here.

Chapter 1: Hatchling in the Nest

“Clear blue water

High tide came and brought you in

And I could go on and on, on and on, and I will…” ~ Taylor Swift

Bryce

2019 ~  26 years old

Bryce hit the gas, his car speeding up despite the 20 mph speed limit sign. He was itching to get to one of the last, if not the last parking spot of Edenbrook Hospital, and he noticed another driver eyeing the spot. He blew past the car, nearly hitting another car, a luxury sedan, in the process – whose driver looked mildly annoyed – before sliding into the parking space and shutting off the engine. 

The driver of the first car looked at him furiously, before driving deeper into the parking lot in  search of another empty space. Meanwhile, the luxury sedan pulled up into a reserved parking spot that read Dr. Ethan Ramsey.

Shit, Bryce thought, but couldn’t help but chuckle. I almost hit an attending… Almost. He grinned, raising a hand in apology to the attending.

Dr. Ramsey narrowed his eyes, rolled them and shook his head slightly, before locking his car and going inside.

Bryce chuckled, and pulled his phone from its car holder. It was 5:45 a.m. and in the span of the last half hour, his phone had blown up with messages. There was a message from Alex, his best friend, wishing him good luck today. He smiled a genuine smile before texting Alex back.

There were also almost fifty messages in the “Edenbrook Surgical Interns” group that he’d joined a few days ago. Of course, none of them had actually ever met before – they’d all meet today – but he’d found the link to the whatsapp group on the Facebook group that someone had created for the 2019 generation of surgical interns in Edenbrook Hospital. So far, he’d talked to several people, and most seemed pretty nice. Bryce still knew they were his competition, but hey, it couldn’t hurt to be friendly. Anyhow, right now, several people were asking for directions, a couple others were already at the hospital and asking if anyone wanted to meet up so as to not go in alone… Bryce grinned and shook his head, wondering if anyone who was scared to go in alone was actually cut out to be a surgeon… before reminding himself not to judge and keep it friendly. Those who’d make the cut will make the cut, and those who won’t… It wasn’t his business. He’d make the cut and he knew it. 

Bryce grinned and answered a couple of texts, before going to meet up with a couple of the interns who were by the basketball court. He got out of his car, shooting a grin at a couple nurses who were outside having a smoke and looking at him curiously – or at least, he thought they were nurses by the color of their scrubs. One of them rolled her eyes good naturedly, and the other grinned at him back.

He chuckled before making his way to the basketball court, and found a small group of seven or eight surgical interns chatting. He stepped up, introduced himself and shook hands with a couple of them. He immediately memorized a couple of names and faces. There was Rosa, who looked pretty serious and professional in her white blouse and blue-green blazer, and was one the few that shook his hand hard. As far as first impressions go, he thought she would probably be his biggest competition. There was also Thomas, who looked pretty friendly, clapping Bryce’s before adjusting his glasses that had slipped down his nose.  The others didn’t make much of an impression.

They talked for a while, before someone suggested a friendly game of ball to get rid of the first day jitters. Bryce looked at his phone and since they still had time before orientation he agreed to a game. Thomas also joined, and two other interns whose names Bryce had already forgotten. Oh well, I’ll learn them during the year anyway, he guessed. Anyhow, between the four of them, they had enough players for a friendly game of two on two.  

Bryce paired up with Thomas and the other two interns paired up, and the game began. One of the other interns had the ball and passed it to his teammate, but Bryce swooped in and took it. He feinted a pass to Thomas, and the other rushed at Thomas in an attempt to block him. In that moment, Bryce seamlessly turned, ran closer to the hoop and scored. 

“Whoo!” He raised his arms, and Thomas ran to clap him high five.

A few of the other surgical interns watching cheered or clapped.

“1-0!” Thomas yelled.

The other interns laughed good naturedly, and the friendly game continued until Rosa yelled from the sidelines, “Guys! It’s 6:30! We’re going inside to register, get out I.D.’s and change!”

“Cool! Cool, cool, cool!” Thomas yelled.

“Raincheck?” One of the other interns asked.

They all nodded. 

“Yeah, let’s go with them. Don’t wanna be late.” Bryce yelled. 

Once inside, they were greeted by a tall, blond and blue eyed senior resident. “Fresh meat!” She chuckled. “I mean, interns! Welcome to the party. I won’t ask your names, or bother to learn them, because most of you probably won’t be here by the end of the year. My name’s Dr. Constance Davenport and I’m in charge of babysitting you this year. Now, come on, this way. I’ll take you to get your I.D.’s then show you to the locker room.” 

Bryce grinned, not at all offended by her attitude. Some of his fellow interns were already grumbling or rolling their eyes at her, but Bryce knew that in this field, in this hospital, in this program, that level of confidence had to be backed up by talent. So the fact that she was that cocky meant she was probably that good, and she’d fricking earned it.

Anyhow, he followed his resident, got his picture taken and told her his name.

“Lahela… Hawaiian?” Dr. Davenport asked.

“Yep. Born and raised.”

Davenport nodded. “Huh… Let’s hope you make it, Lahela.” She tossed him his I.D. with a challenging grin. Then she looked back and saw that the line of interns had somehow gotten longer and sighed. Then she looked back to the group of interns who’d already had their I.D.’s and were waiting off to the side, and sighed. “Okay, I’m not going to have time to get you all your I.D.’s and show you around and stuff, so you…” She pointed to Bryce, Rosa, Thomas and their group. “The locker rooms are from this hall, through that waiting room, then you take a left, a right, another left and you’ll see it. Go.”

The surgical interns looked at each other and went on their way. Thomas, who claimed he had a good sense of direction, led the way. He actually did and soon they were in the locker room. Bryce pulled out his phone to check his Notes app, where he had written his locker number. He also took a clean towel from a towel rack nearby and went to his locker, which was right next to a cute Indian girl’s locker, mercilessly shoving a vintage leather jacket into her locker. As she saw him approaching, she looked him up and down critically.

He gestured to his locker and shot her a charming grin. “Hey. Looks like we’re neighbors. Bryce Lahela. Surgical intern.”

She merely looked at his hand. “A scalpel jockey, huh?” The corners of her lips twitched, and Bryce knew this was friendly banter. “Jackie Varma. Internal medicine.”

“You’re one of those, huh?” Bryce smiled teasingly.

“One of the actual intelligent doctors? Damn right.” She grinned right back.

Bryce immediately liked her.

Jackie sniffed the air. “You should shower before orientation, scalpel jockey.”

“Do you want me to take my shirt off? I mean, since we’re locker neighbors, you’ll have plenty of time to admire all this.” He gestured to himself.

Jackie did not seem amused as she rolled her eyes. “Oh, joy, all of my dreams have come true.” She said in a bored, monotone voice.

Bryce laughed, before grabbing his towel and heading in for a quick shower. He’d worked up a sweat during their brief basketball game. 

After a quick scrub, he wrapped a towel around his waist and headed back to his locker, where he saw Jackie was already terrorizing someone else: a tall woman, clearly another intern, with long black hair that was dyed red at the ends.

“... How’d you make it through med school without ever seeing a bra before?”

“I’m sorry!” Bryce heard this other intern say as he approached them. “I just wasn’t expecting–”

The woman turned, bumping into his chest. Bryce chuckled, steading her by placing his hands on her shoulders. “Go easy on her, Jackie. It’s the first day for all of us.”

For some reason, Bryce felt the woman tense immediately, and he briefly thought that maybe she didn’t like to be touched. But then she looked up, and he saw a very, very familiar face staring back at him, sending his heart into overdrive.

“Sam?!”

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1999 ~ 6 years old

"Bryce! Get down here, please!" His mother, Anita, yelled from downstairs. "Come meet Luna!"

Bryce looked up from his pull-back car -- or rather, his pull-back car parts. He hadn’t broken it. Not exactly. It’d just stopped working, and Bryce had wanted to figure out why. And what better way to do that than take it apart? But so far, he’d been on it for most of the morning, and he still couldn’t really figure out why. When he’d taken it apart, he was excited to find all these little gears inside, all different colors and connected to each other, and this metallic spring inside that he still wasn't sure what it did exactly…

“Bryce!”

The little boy got up with a sigh, and stood up. He’d come back and fix his toy car later. Better go see what Mom wanted now. She got annoyed when she had to repeat herself. And so he made his way down the stairs, only to find his mother sitting down on the couch next to a woman he’d never seen before. The woman was small, with long blond hair tied back in a braid, but what Bryce liked most were her eyes. She had pretty green eyes...

“Bryce! There you are! Didn’t you hear me calling?” His mom stood, the lady following her lead.

“Sorry.” Bryce mumbled.

“It’s okay, hon. Come meet Luna.” Anita smiled and gestured to the woman… Luna.

Luna smiled at him and knelt down to his eye level. “Hello, Bryce. I’m Luna.”

Bryce smiled back at her, his “megawatt smile” as Mom would say, before stepping up. “Hi, Luna. Who are you?”

Luna looked up to his mom, chuckling.

“Luna is our new housekeeper,” Anita told him. “She’s going to be helping me with the house, the cooking, the cleaning…”

“But Mom, you don’t do any of those things.” Bryce said.

Both women laughed for some reason he didn’t really understand -- he’d said nothing but the truth -- but he smiled, anyway. Maybe he was just funny.

“Well… he’s got a point there.” Anita smiled at him and ran a hand through his hair.

“Children. Mine also just blurt out whatever goes through their heads.” Luna agreed, laughing brightly, before turning back to Bryce. “How old are you, Bryce?”

He raised his whole hand with his five fingers outstretched, like the big boy he was. “Five.” He said proudly.

Luna’s eyes widened excitedly. “Five?! No!”

“Yep!” He nodded eagerly.

“Guess what?! I have two kids and my kids are five, too!” Luna told him, dropping her jaw.

“Hear that, Bryce? You’ll have two new friends!” Anita told him, and he nodded eagerly. She lowered her voice, but Bryce heard her anyway. “I’m so happy we found you and your husband. Not just because of the jobs, but when you told us you had twins the same age as him… He gets so lonely here in this big house. He doesn’t really have many chances to socialize with other children his age, other than the occasional playdate.”

Luna laughed, and gently patted Anita’s arm. “Oh, well. My twins are a handful but I’m sure they’re going to get along just fine.” She turned back to Bryce. “Bryce, would you like to meet Sam and Alex?”

“Okay!” Bryce nodded, reaching for Luna's outstretched hand. 

He took Luna’s hand with one of his and his mother’s hand in the other, and let both women lead him to the smaller house that was behind his. This house wasn’t really that small, it was just that his house was so big. It had a big backyard for him to play in, and a pool, and farther away it even had stables where the horses slept in. 

Sometimes Bryce got lonely in his house, though. It was really big and had a lot of fun places inside and outside, but he always had to play alone because his mom and dad were always working, and Lucy had… Returned? Retried? Bryce couldn’t remember what his mother had said. Anyway, she had gotten older and she had to stop working in his house. That had made Bryce a bit sad, since Lucy always played with him when she wasn’t busy.

But now, his mom had found Luna, and Luna had two kids he would be able to play with! Bryce was really excited. He always wanted a brother, but his mom always said no. Maybe he could ask Luna’s kids to be his brothers. And instead of only one, he would have two now!

“Bryce,” Luna told him, squeezing his hand slightly when they came upon the small house. 

There was a car and a truck parked outside, and a big man with black hair was carrying a giant box down from the truck like it weighed nothing. He set it down when he saw them, and walked towards them, nodding at his mom. "Mrs. Lahela."

"Jack." His mom nodded back.

Up close, he looked even bigger! He was bigger than his dad! Bryce was pretty sure this was the biggest man he'd ever seen. He hoped he would grow up to be as big when he got older. 

The man, Jack, caught him staring and smiled. Like Luna, he knelt down to Bryce's eye level. "And who is this?"

"I'm Bryce!" 

"It's nice to meet you, Bryce." 

The man offered Bryce his giant hand, but Bryce wasn't scared and he shook it like he'd seen his dad do. The man's palm engulfed his hand, but he still shook it as hard as he could.

"I'm Jack."

"Jack is my husband, and the twins' father. He’s going to be your family’s driver too." Luna added.

Bryce nodded. "Hi, Jack. Are you going to drive me to school?"

Jack laughed. “Yes, Bryce, I am.”

"Honey, where are the kids? I wanted them to meet Bryce." Luna told him.

Jack smiled one last time at Bryce, before standing back up. "They're upstairs. Want me to go get them?"

"Please. Thanks, love." Luna nodded with a gentle smile.

Jack nodded and winked at Bryce, before going inside. Bryce watched him walk away -- he looked so cool! -- and tried to wink, too. He closed both eyes, scrunching them up a couple of times, before finally getting the wink right. He hoped he looked as cool as Jack did.

A few moments later, Jack finally came out, holding out a boy's hand… and a girl's. The boy had blond hair just like Luna, while the little girl had long black hair like Jack.

Bryce raised his eyebrows, confused. Sam and Alex were boys' names… 

"Bryce… this is Sam," Jack raised his hand, dangling the little girl's arms as she looked shyly at Bryce. "And this is Alex." Jack repeated the motion with his son.

Alex waved excitedly with his other hand.

"But Sam's a boy's name." Bryce blurted out.

"No, it's not!" The girl, Sam, glared at him, her shyness forgotten at the insult. "It's short for Samantha! Samantha Keilani Shepard!"

All the grown ups laughed, while Samantha glared at him, pouting.

Samantha. 

Bryce had never heard of that name. It was a big name. It was too big for such a little girl. No wonder they'd shortened it to Sam.

"Heh. Easy, Sammy. Bryce probably didn't know that." Jack squeezed her hand softly, smiling down at him.

"Sorry, Samantha." Bryce mumbled. His mom squeezed his hand reassuringly.

Sam let out a sigh, before her gaze softened. "It's okay… You can call me Sam, if you want.”

Bryce smiled at that. He liked Sam. Samantha was too long for her. “Okay, Sam.”

“What’s your name?” She asked.

“Bryce.”

“Bryce…” Sam repeated. 

“I like it. Sounds cool.” The boy, Alex, said. 

“Do you want to be friends, Bryce?” Sam asked softly, looking a bit shy again.

Bryce brightened up instantly. "Sure!"

"Cool! Wanna see my room?! It’s upstairs." Alex asked.

"Okay!"

"You can see mine next!" Sam added.

"Mom, can I invite them to our house so they can see my room too?" Bryce asked, looking up at his mother hopefully.

She chuckled, before nodding. "Of course, baby."

"Thanks, mom! Do you guys wanna come to my house after? You can see my room, and then the pool…"

"You have a pool?!" Alex asked, his jaw dropping.

"Yeah! A big pool!"

"Come on, let's go!" Sam took Bryce's hand. Alex took her other hand, and she began leading them both inside.

Bryce followed them, very happy with his new friends. Even if one of them had turned out to be a girl instead of a boy, Bryce still had a feeling they'd all get along just fine.

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comments on fanfics

I thought about writing this post for a long time and decided, fuck it, I'm gonna write this.

All over my dash I see people being disappointed because nobody is leaving comments on ao3 anymore/rebloging things on tumblr.

And the only thing I can think about this is: it's so true.

Two weeks ago I posted the epilog of my 60k words fanfic (I've been writing on it for almost a year and got some positive feedback on it) and I got ZERO comments, or kudos on the epilog.

I can see that people kicked on it, but I have no idea whether they liked it or not. (And I used to get a comment on my story now and then)

Last week I posted the first extra chapter (I planned three of these) and also got no reaction.

No I'm just sitting here, wondering if my writing is just true shit.

This is also the reason I was hesitate to post this. Maybe it's not the people and just that shithole of a story I've been writing.

Things like are just running around my head now and must say that the motivation to even finish those extra chapters is gone.

GUYS, IF YOU LIKE A FANFIC PLEASE LET THE AUTHOR KNOW, IT MEANS SO MUCH TO THEM.

So if you read a good story, not some bullshit like mine, write that comment.

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the next time you hesitate to leave a comment on a fic remember that I go back and read all the comments I get on my fic whenever I'm feeling down and it makes me feel so much better

if you leave nice comments on ao3 i love you

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AO3 Comments are SO SO SOOOOOOO important because you can only leave Kudos ONCE. You add to the hit count ONCE (every 24 hours).

So whenever someone updates their fic, the ONLY way an author knows who their regular readers are is if they comment on each chapter. And we WANT to know who's still reading.

Believe it or not, some of us think about the name that pops up constantly in the comments and go "omg I can't wait to see what they think of THIS SPECIFIC SCENE cuz I KNOW they'll say something about it!!!"

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there are two types of ao3 authors, the type that will post as they are being set on fire and the type that will post every two years.

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can you believe that we have fanfiction. that we have websites dedicated to fanfiction. that there is a place that you can go and read tens, hundreds, thousands and thousands of pieces of writing that strangers have made. people who are not "writers". people who come home at the end of the day and have feelings and say, i am going to put that into words. i am going to share those words. short, long, sweet, sad, horny, funny, wonderful words. we are all just human and we all love to make and remake and share that with others. can you believe that.