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Is monogamy bullshit?

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[damagedbutpure]

My life has been such a whirl wind for the past month. My fiancé and I purchased a house, furnished it, and bought a companion for our daughter. Her name is Luna and she is adorable, but she is a puppy, and no matter how cute puppies are, they are still hard work. So much work that I feel as though I’ve had another baby. I have to wake up multiple times through the night so she doesn't wet her crate. I’m fine with it, this puppy stage is, well, a stage and it won’t last forever. None the less I feel sleep deprived and in a fog. One moment I’m super energetic and happy and the next I’m barely staying awake while playing with my daughter. I think the stress of adulting this last month has finally taken it’s toll on me. I haven't been taking care of myself at all. I haven’t been eating or sleeping, and I feel it’s effects on my health both physically and mentally. Moral of the story is no matter how caught up you get in life, you HAVE to make time to take care of yourself. There’s no way you’ll be able to continuously put yourself off. This week I have a goal to take care of myself. Be kind, nourish, and relax when needed. I want to go this week without skipping a meal and taking time to myself. This might seem easy, but I know it won't be. There have been so many days in a row where I’ll only eat one snack. Doing this has made it to where I don’t even really want to eat, I just don’t feel hungry. Getting my appetite and motivation back is going to be a harder task I feel, but let’s give it a shot this week. 

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 I have made it a top priority of mine to find pure happiness and to most importantly have inner peace with myself and all things. I imagine the feeling of inner peace and total bliss to be one of the most rewarding gifts that you could give to yourself. I’ve read countless times quotes about how some people never live and that their life passes before their eyes and blah blah blah, but behind the corny quotes lies an undeniable truth that scares the shit out of me. I promised myself that I would not be one of those people who just cruise through life and let time pass and just hope that some good luck comes my way. I refuse. I refuse to sit back and let each day pass the same as the last. I refuse to just hope that something good will happen on it’s own to me. I refuse to settle for a job that I have no passion for because it’s good money. Sure I’m probably never going to be a travel or thrill junkie and do things that you see people who are on the pursuit of happiness doing on movies or in pictures on your tumblr feed. I’ve made choices that have made me grow up very fast at the young age of 21. I have a child to raise and many many bills to pay. Will I ever regret these choices? Absolutely not. I’m completely satisfied with all of the choices that I’ve made because without them I know I wouldn’t be sitting here right now searching for a deeper meaning. If I didn’t have a child I’d probably be wasting my days lazily watching seasons on top of seasons of Netflix originals while day drinking. Having a child young has been the best thing that’s happened to me, but one of the most important reasons is the motivation she has given me. I know without her I wouldn’t have a fraction of the motivation that I have now. Now don’t get me wrong all of these responsibilities have a price to pay, and that is pressure. Every single decision that I make is not going to only effect me they’re going to affect my daughter too. I have to think 10 steps ahead to make sure that I’m making the correct choices in life. And with all of this pressure that I have has caused me to have stress and anxiety like I could never think possible. It makes me wonder how long my anxiety has been this bad. Has it been years? Have I just now opened my eyes to how awful my mind has been treating my inner self? I’m just thankful that I have opened my eyes and have been able to identify my problems. I have a huge goal that I can overcome this phase of my life before it comes permanent and I plan to do it without ever having to be put on medication. Every day is a challenge that I am eager to face. 

[damagedbutpure]

Let’s Talk Gender Roles

   Yesterday there was a status on my Facebook feed asking for opinions on the view of gender roles in the household. The original post stated that men should take care of the bigger bills such as rent/mortgage, cars, and other main household bills, while the females in the household should maintain the house and the children. Now, I believe that is an okay system that has been around since the 1900′s but what bothered me so much was when my fiance commented about how him and I split the bills, house hold chores, and raising our daughter 50/50 there were quite a few people who pretty much demanded his head on a stake for not taking care of the main house bills and not being a “man” but a boy. Mainly it was females who were bashing him on how he was raised and even took it to “your fiance is not your fiance if she pays half the bills, she is your roommate.” So because I have my own career and pay MY car payment and split the electric and the rent which we BOTH use and live in I’m not a woman that he wants to spend the rest of my life with because he loves me, I am only a roommate who helps with bills and helps raise a tiny human. They also commented on how I was making a huge mistake being with him and how I would inevitably regret my decision to be with him once I come to my senses. I’m having a hard time understanding why this is such an awful thing to a lot of people. I’m not saying that people cant’ live with the gender roles that have previously been set in our culture, but I also think that gender equality in relationships and households should be embraced. Knowing that I can pay my bills and take care of myself without a man is one of the most empowering boosts for myself. I take so much pride in bringing in just as much money as my fiance. I’ve never been the type to sit back and let someone take care of me. So say for instance I am letting my fiance pay the rent or mortgage and something happens to our relationship, that would be HIS house. Not ours. His. I never want to put myself in a position where I’m vulnerable and my man could say “Well what do you contribute? This isn’t your house, I’ve paid for this house all by myself.” Then I’m left with pretty much nothing and I wouldn’t really have any back up plans. Now the way our 50/50 method works is when we split our bills we each have more money to save and to grow with. Now how is that such a bad thing? What are your opinions on gender roles in the household and in a relationship?

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Money vs. purpose

I feel as though things are falling into place. I've had a life changing realization, that I don't want to take the promotion that I've been offered at work. I don't want to work at a place for the rest of my life where I'm there only for the money. Now this decision has been very hard. As a young mom I'm a survivor and a provider. When my supervisor offered me the training in order to get my own store I was a little hesitant, when he told me I'd be making 70k I was sold. I said absolutely. Yes. I'll take it. I'll do the training. I'll move my family. I'll do anything for the money. Wrong. At first I was ecstatic. No college experience and I would be making 70k or more annually. I thought I hit the lottery. Until I was told if I choose an older slower store I'd be making 50k a year. Now don't get me wrong that's still plenty of money, but it's not 70. And that's when it hit me, I only wanted this job for the money. And none the less it's still fast food. I know the type of employees we hire, either kids who need a first job or adults who need fast cash but don't want to really work for it. And the clothes that I'd have to wear, and the amount of time I would have to be at my store a week. The fact I'd have to work holidays and pretty much anytime anyone called out sick or couldn't work for whatever reason. The list goes on and on of the daily bullshit. The 70k didn't seem so great anymore, and I realized I wanted a job that gave me purpose. Which led me to the big decision of going back to school to become a teacher. Yes. A glamorous well payed teacher. Now I know the money isn't great, but I have the opportunity to work a decently easy job and make plenty, but I'm not in it for the money. That's not what I want in a job. I want the little things. I want helping someone, influencing somebody. I want a modest little life and planning and grading papers. I want to hopefully change one kids' perspective on something and push them to be the best they can be. It just seems so much more fulfilling then working my ass off to make someone else richer. Fuck that. I'll take the pay cut and be a teacher.

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Meet 63-year-old Lyn Slater, who has, until recently, been an ordinary professor at Fordham University. One day she went to meet a friend for lunch outside the Lincoln Center during New York Fashion Week. Foreign journalists suddenly surrounded her, mistaking her for a fashion icon and attracting spectatorsIt was a defining moment that turned Lyn into an ‘Accidental Icon’. Her blog of the same name, inspired by the experience, soon began making international waves. She is now a public voice against ageism in the fashion industry and the world.

“Fashion and my style help me struggle against that invisibility that comes with age.“

She was once asked about the old notion of ‘dressing for one’s age,’ and her response was clear:

“We use language to control people’s behavior. This phrase is a way of putting older women in their place. I’m certain that if you feel comfortable in your own clothes, it’s completely irrelevant how old you are.”

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Life isn't always about doing what's right. Sometimes it's about doing what's right at the time. Sometimes it is getting 8 hours of sleep, and other times it is only getting 5 because you stayed up entirely too late watching your favorite show. Sometimes it is eating well and drinking plenty of water, and sometimes it's eating nothing but cereal and grilled cheeses. And sometimes it is doing your best, fixing your mistakes, and balancing a little bit of healthy stress, and sometimes it's just shrugging your shoulders and saying "fuck it" while you pour yourself a glass of red. Life is what you make it. There is no "right" way to live life. Sometimes you have to forget the life tips and tune out some bullshit and just do what feels right to you at the time.

[damagedbutpure]

Loud noises make me mad. And not just loud booms or screeches. I mean overlapping noises that try to cancel each other out. I can't think, I start to panic inside, and I try to find an escape. Every decision that I make in life, whether it's parenting or at work, I replay those moments over and over and over in my head until I've burned such a hole in my self esteem and confidence that there's nothing but the ashes left. I can't make a mistake without beating myself up. I can't have a conversation with someone without scrutinizing every word that comes out of their mouth. I can't leave to run an errand without wondering my last moments were coming up. This is my anxiety. I have anxiety. There. It's out there. It's not "moodiness" or me just overthinking. No. I. Have. A. Mental. Disorder. Anxiety. Anxiety. Anxiety. I need to learn to love it, to heal it, to nurture it, and to treat it. It is a part of me but it is NOT me. I have anxiety but I am not anxiety. I will learn to make mistakes. I will learn to let it go. I will learn to relax and really take in the moment. I will do it all while having anxiety.

[damagedbutpure]

👏 on We Heart It.

[damagedbutpure]

Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.

Eckhart Tolle (via wordsnquotes)

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[damagedbutpure]

[damagedbutpure]

A great you doesn't mean a lesser me

One of the goals that I would love to accomplish as I work on myself is to stop comparing in general. Stop comparing my fair skin to the tan skin. Stop comparing my petite figure to the curvy woman. Stop comparing my relationship to the couples I see on camera. Stop comparing my well lived in apartment to the spotless home, as well as comparing the materialistic items that fill them. The truth of the matter is if someone has straighter teeth, or more voluptuous assets than I do that doesn’t take away from my looks. If someone has a bigger, cleaner home than I do that doesn’t make my home any less special. I would love to see what I have and be completely satisfied with it while also stopping and admiring what others have and not having any sense of envy or greed but to be happy that someone has such nice things. With social media fueling pretty much everything we do it’s hard not to compare. I strive to look at a model’s pictures and instead of being jealous of what she has push myself to work out a little more and to inspire me to take care of myself while also enjoying my body as it changes. I strive to walk into someone’s nicely decorated home and not feel bad about where I live, but to encourage myself to get through school and work hard to earn a well payed career that will provide for my family and I. All in all I strive to love myself and others more.

[damagedbutpure]

Need this shirt

😈

[damagedbutpure]

Danielle Brooks, body positive queen, has an insightful story to share about what it’s like when you compare your body to other women’s

If you’ve ever given in to embarrassment in public locker rooms or let your self-esteem get knocked down a notch by looking enviously at people who seem to be in “perfect” shape, Danielle Brooks has an important message for you.

Gifs: daniebb3

WATCH THE VIDEO

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