damos-world

[damos-world]

[damos-world]

This is my little buddy. And the reason I keep on keeping on. Without my kids I don't know if I would get through this hell is the only word I can describe it as. Nothing I do is my own. Everything I see is made up. It's like an alternate reality. But no. People being entertained while watching a grown man crumble and try and do all I can just to find a bloody light at the end of the tunnel. So if you read this one day kids? Thank you for helping me through this. You need a Father in your life and you deserve love and someone that will always be there for you. Unfortunately you got stuck with me as a Dad. I don't have much in this world to offer you but a garrentee you will be loved and protected. It's pretty hard most days but when I'm with you it's always ok. I love you guys very much. Both you and Evie. So read this one day. And just some quick advice. Look after your girl. Treat her with love and respect when you find a girlfriend. Make her feel safe and tell her how beautiful she looks. Help out around the house with all the jobs. And cook for her too. Women like that. And always make her feel like the most important women on the planet. Because if you with her. She is. Oh and look after Mum if something ever happens to me. She loves you guys so much and will do anything for you. So give her hugs and kisses regularly and tell her you love her. Your mum will be the most important women in your life. She like help with groceries and putting food away. And hanging out the washing. Her shoulder will be getting worse when she is older. And know that I loved her very much. So there is some quick advice for you buddy. And Evie. You never settle for a man than does anything less than what I have just said. And stay safe you guys. Can't wait to see you grow up. Love Dad. Xx

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I'm not sure my last post tagged Taylor Swift lol. I'm not doing this stuff I swear. But something definately is going on here. I don't know what the hell to do. Anyway. I will just keep on keeping on. The main thing at the moment is being here for my kids. It's hard to concentrate though with all this crazy stuff going on with my accounts. But I swear I'm not going nuts lol. But someone is going to a lot of effort to try and make me think I am. It's hard most day just dealing with losing the one you love. But with all this other stuff it makes it almost impossible to do anything. I know this stuff is going on. Even though it mainly happens at certain times. Like why would a simply Instagrams post get so many likes so soon. And so many views. I did not promote the post. But yet a couple of thousand people saw a basic post. Anyway. Here we go again I suppose. Thanks Lauren. I tell you what. When this is all over. We need to have a drink and you can explain why you so determined to make me go crazy ;)

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Well it's late. Can't sleep during the night now for some reason. Something is happening in my life I can't explain. But anyway it's good to have my children over for the weekend. They have had a great time seeing Dad. We have really connected well again thankfully. I love my kids so much and I will do anything for them. Hopefully life is kind to me so I can look after them well and give them a lot of love.

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I don't know what to say or think anymore. All I care about is my best friend. Who ever you are. Don't care if you have a billion dollars or 10 cents. All I know is that I need you to survive. It's not enough just seeing posts and chatting randomly to people I think might be you. I need the real thing. If not as a partner then as a friend and Father to your children. I don't want this life of not knowing if you care if you hate me. Say what you need to say to my face. And stuff the rules. Tell me the truth. Because I have earned that. When I get told something is happening or things that I'm lead to believe it kills me. And I'm on this roller coaster of life trying to find you. I think I have proven that your secret is safe with me. I don't care about anything except being there to look after you and the kids. I can't do that with a life of drugs and games. Believe me I enjoy it. It tests me just to see how far I can go and how much I can take. But there are ways of having an exciting life without having the fear of losing you. So now I will not take drugs and I will stop playing your games. And hopefully then you either lose interest in me. Or fall in love with me again. I will always support what you want to do. But I can't be a father to the children living a life like this. I will not give up. And I will try and work hard to support my family. Even though you have been working hard to kind of make sure I don't. You know me well. Better than myself. And you know what to do in order for me to make the decisions that I do. But it's stops right here. I'm not letting you make the decisions. Well I will control the only things that I can control. My decisions. Therefore taking away your power of you deciding what I do. I'm fighting for myself to be a Father and a support network for you and the kids. I never expected in my wildest dreams who you are. Or why and how we even met. But I'm guessing it was no coincidence. You chose me. I don't think you every expected to actually fall completly in love with me. One thing I know is real. And that is our love and energy that can only ever be explained by us. We carry the burden of knowing are connection. Knowing how we feel about each other. But yet need to live in a world that it's not possible to be together. Well that is how it seems. But I will stand in front of you. Hold your hands and look into your eyes and say love me. Let us be in love and not have secrets and hide lives that is impossible to hide from each other. The 2 of us know exactly what the other feels and does. Or if one is hiding something. So let us be free of that and completly have no secrets. You can trust me. And we can still be the people we want. But be open and transparent with our lives. Because your all the adventure I ever need in my life. I don't need anyone else. Don't want anyone else. So I say to you. It's your choice now. To chose weather you want a life of secrets and lies or a life together with honesty and trust. I will not let you down. I test you and you test me stuff is over. If you think you can do that. Then great. If not then I'm sorry that you have to chose a life that is not honest with your heart. I know I love you. I know you love me. So FFS let's not be strangers. Let's be free of this so we can live our lives to the fullest and test each other and keep on trying to be the best we both can be. Together we can change the world. I will be doing my best at it with or without you. I would much prefer it to be with you. Love you babe. Always. I made bad choices that were heavily influenced for me to make. So I will do my best to communicate things with you from now often. As I hope you do to.

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Hi Kids. Today is the 16th of may. Missing you all a lot today. Contacted all the Mums. But looks like I need to wait a little longer before I can speak to you or see you. It's ok. I miss you guys but I will be strong. Looking for a new job. Need to get my career going to earn a bit more money so I'm looking at some sales jobs. Just doing the best I can do I can help you guys out financially if I can even get in contact with anyone. I will keep on trying. I have made plenty of mistakes kids which is why I am not there. But we live and learn. So just know I will always do my best for all you guys. And I'm always here if you need me for anything. I'm going to have an early night. I have a big day tomorrow and I will be up early. Love you lots. Goodnight Austin and Kiearah. And goodnight Quinn and Evie. Sweet dreams Xx. I look forward to a day when we can laugh and play. Kick the footy or play the computer.

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Well the date did not go too great. She is too straight. But it's ok because it was good to get out and meet some new people. She is a nice women. Just not for me. But I have been chatting to this really awesome chick tonight about all sorts of stuff. She drinks. Loves camping. And I don't have to think about a thing to say to her. Plus she is a couple of years younger than me and is attractive. I do enjoy meeting someone like her when you click straight away. I was beginning to think I might be done meeting someone but then out of the blue someone amazing pops up. And weather anything comes of it or not it's just really nice to speak to someone attractive that speaks well and makes you smile. She just messaged now. So I'm going to check it out. Anyway I'm doing ok guys. Miss you guys like always. Kisses from Dad. Austin kiearah Quinn and Evie. Stay just as you are. Perfect. Love Dad.

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Here is a poem I wrote for us Lauren. I hope you like it. I have a few but will start with just this one.

Never wanted for a thing.

and lived in a box of sorts.

We wanted for nothing more,

than our love and our thoughts.

But the sun must go down,

after each day,

And our love and our thoughts,

Have been taken away.

[damos-world]

Ok guys. Well its Dad. Guess what? I am supposed to be going on a date today. Well I am going on a date. I have been speaking to this really nice girl online and we have been texting for a couple of weeks. I dont know if I'm ready for anything as far as dating goes. But I'm giving it a go. I'm bored as hell and need some company. Anyway she is really nice.

Well I'm doing my dam best Lauren. Ok. I know your always keeping on eye on me. Well now you can know exactly what I'm doing or thinking. I wrote some poems for us to you know. I will get to that later though. This is for the kids.

I've fallen out of love of being an Arborist. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for work. I think I would like to get back into sales now and get off the tools. Plus in case you guys did not know. I am scared of heights lol. Which makes being an Arborist a little difficult. I was ok with 15 meters. But 20 meters up. No way. I cant do it.

Anyway so I'm looking for anything at the moment. But eventually I want to get a job in sales. But it's hard at the moment. I dont own a computer and need to update my resume. So I might have to go and do it at the Dandenong Library.

At the moment I dont own much. I have nanna Kk's old phone. Some clothes. Not many. And 2 pairs of shoes. That is all I have with me. I'm trying to save money so I can get clothes and things. I have got enough money to buy a new phone today. I just got paid from doing a month of work which was hell lol. 2 weeks training with some interesting characters and 2 weeks out on an EWP. That's elevated work platform. So we can get into the trees. I have mainly been spotting. The problem is to start work I have to drive for about an hour before I have even started to be paid. Then another 30 min to get to Wurburton from there. It's beautiful but I'm up at 5 40 to drive to work. Finish work at 4 and then its 5 by the time I get home. It's a long day and I'm not getting any younger. So that is why I'm looking for something else to do for work. Sorry Quinn. I know you love the trucks and tools and stuff but I think I'm going to give something else a go. And Happy Birthday too Quinn for the other day. Today is the 15th of May 2021. Your birthday was 5 days ago. I tried to get in contact with you to say happy birthday but Mum is very busy at the moment so I could not get though. I miss you guys so much. Writing to you here will help me. Because I know you guys can always ready this so you know what I was doing when. And why. And so on. So you dont have to worry about not knowing who Dad was. I will leave it at that for today. So I case you guys did not know. All you have to do to find Dad. Is google your name. And that should take you to my blog. DamosWorld. There is a story to how I come up with that but that is for another day. Love you guys so much. All be good for your Mums. And Quinn. Practice kicking the football as much as you can. I'm sorry I'm not there. But I'm here always. I have tagged your Mums in here to guys. Will see how long it takes for them to find my posts to you guys. Lauren will find it first probably. And Kate will hmm. I dont know what Kate will do. I have to go now. I'm going to buy a new phone this morning so I can apply for new jobs. And then I have a date this afternoon. I should be back tomorrow to let you know how I go.

[damos-world]

Here is a poem I wrote for my children. Being a parent is the most wonderful thing in the world.

But you know what is just awful. Not being a parent. So here is my blog to you guys so you can follow Dad. Or at least know what I'm doing in my life for when you grow up and ask yourself a question. What was Dad like. So from here you will know what Dad was like. First here is a poem that I wrote for you all. I just broke up with Lauren. So I was feeling awful. Long story but I thought we where going to get Married at Fairfield Park. I was going to Marry her on our 4 year anniversary. I rang people and I was so excited. Finally I was going to Marry the women of my dreams. But no. It was my delusion that my brain was positive was going to happen. Anyway guys i will tell you all the details in time to come. For now here is your poem.

Waking up to the joy. Of the excitement of life Every second of joy of just being alive. And the innocents of child. Just wanting to explore. It's there life to live. And we must never ignore.

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I miss you

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I will remember this

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[damos-world]