damsel-in-disguise16-blog

[damsel-in-disguise16-blog]

I Love You

Train wreck, train wreck! You pulled me off the rails.

I was okay before you, I was content.

Never knew how empty, how colorless life was.

Until you.

I have walls. You break them down easily.

I build them back up, only to be destroyed again by you.

Not sure why I even rebuild. Oh, yes, I know--

You scare me. Do you know that? Oh, how you do.

Scared of hurting (my past experiences with you), scared of being left in the wind. But most of all? Scared of falling.

Falling even deeper and more fully with you.

I'm not strong enough for heartbreak. I don't think rejection suits me.

I'm not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but with you, I want to.

I'm in love with you. I dare not say it to you.

I'm in love with you. I dare not say it out loud.

I'm in love with you.

You scare me, I love you.

Like gravity, you pull me in. Helpless and weak.

Like the sun, your eyes shine bright.

Like the moon, you're all I look for at night.

That last look before day comes. The very first thought, the very last.

All of it, of you.

[damsel-in-disguise16-blog]

Unloving You

Today I saw hope.

Not for us, but myself

Loving you was not a choice I consciously made,

The beginning of unloving you is

I saw it is possible, though still painful.

Part of me still feels this pull,

A string of light, once bright now dim.

Talking while not talking to you was strange

Looking but not looking at you difficult

And I realize watching you walk away

Would be most difficult of all.

I have sadness for company

Between smiles and laughter

Morose madness, but strangely no anger

In time I can unlove you,

At least I tell myself I can,

Just don't rush it please

Unraveling heartstrings' unease.

Hearts weren't meant to suddenly stop

For your room was already made

Even without my knowing

And a part of me however small

I feel would still care,

Even if it hurts to

I think the most difficult however

Is switching from friends to strangers

For heart, believe it or not

We were friends, I intended it that way.

[damsel-in-disguise16-blog]

Sadness

This is the story of the girl with sadness in her eyes,

A flash of pain painted over,

A memory of regret skipped by,

A broken shell hidden from sight.

Haunted by a past love,

Between bouts of laughter she cried,

Behind her smiles are shivers of cold.

Will she ever be truly happy again?

A question she's asked herself,

An echo of sorts, a longing for what once was--impossible.

Will she ever be warm again?

Her arms around herself, a moment's reprieve,

An artificial warmth, her only choice.

She missed her. She-- she's gone, she told herself.

A friend--she missed a friend.

Just a friend? She never knew it could be this hard to miss a friend.

Just a friend? Even then it felt untrue, perhaps unrecognized for what it was.

It was her very own fault things fell apart,

She was lightning, and she followed like thunder.

Cast under her spell, she was helpless and fell.

How could she have done differently?

One, destined to go. The other, fated to fall.

Left behind in the ashes of what once burned bright.

Her eyes of fire, now ash cold.

Nothing but sadness left.

[damsel-in-disguise16-blog]

Echoes

If I had known how things would end,

Would I do differently? Will I amend?

A glow for gloom,

From summer to heart's winter

An echo of your laugh

Was it worth it? The ache of echoes?

Ghosts haunting. Was that a smile?

It was the smallest of sparks

Barely there, kindled

Now all I have are memories

Still cherished. Echoes of you.

I am sorry I couldn't help it.

Stubborn heart, lit up by an echo.

[damsel-in-disguise16-blog]

Purple Heart

I'm damaged, decades ago I've loved

A pure love, a white love

Painful, unrequited love

She was my best friend

Broke my heart again and again

Years ago we met again

Under the canopy of grief

And hope and love maybe

Held hands and talked and yet

Nothing. Was it fear? Was it words left unspoken?

I let it all go, thinking I was broken.

Now you're here

Unexpectedly fell

Your smile, your eyes, your almost dimpled cheek

My frozen heart melted

But I'm broken (years of practice)

You scare me, how familiar it felt

I wanted, but was I wanted?

Years of doubt left unspoken.

My wounded, purple heart

Please be gentle

I love so carefully now

But with you, I wish to be free

Free to love you, free to care

Did I ruin it love?

I miss you even when you're there

Your voice is my calling

The sweetest sound

The few times you've pulled me close

Feels like coming home

Sometimes looking at you smiling at me

Leaves me breathless

Did I ruin it? Did I mess up?

My heart hurts, my head confused

Was it all just a dream? Just wishful thinking?

Because now suddenly we're strangers

Looking through a veil

There but not there.

[damsel-in-disguise16-blog]

It’s totally okay to say “you know what, this isn’t making me happy” and to walk away from whatever or whoever is keeping you from the happiness you deserve

[damsel-in-disguise16-blog]

Sometimes skulls are thick. Sometimes hearts are vacant. Sometimes words don’t work.

James Frey, A Million Little Pieces (via wordsnquotes)