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[dangaer]

while i'm making changes to my carr.d i may impliment the statement on my other blog which states that i rarely follow first simply because of the fandoms i'm writing and the contents within.

ngl the la.ds mobile game drawing a whole entire unaware audience to the oto.me space was such a reminder of how mobile dating sims and oto.mes have different levels of well, 'cursed' content (which genuinely isn't a bad thing! i think we should be getting oto.mes with healthier love interests, more romanceable green flags as they say). when the cale.b story dropped, a lot of the players were (understandably - idk the full info of the story) uncomfortable and therefore i wouldn't wish to make people uncomfortable with my content in the same vein. i'm very open about which of my muses are red flags and have done things just as bad (if not worse) than what happened in that one bad ending.

i'll think on it but its undeniably on my thoughts for a little while.

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Happy birthday to my fav DL boy~<3

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babe wake up ... we JUST got 2025 piofi.ore art <3 ) + a virch.e piece below the cut)

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Sketches, might color them later tho. Ais captured my heart fr can't wait to see him again in the next update.

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going to . pre-add virch.e muses here somepoint this week in prep for this weekend.

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honestly daily reminder that all oto.me men do have red flags. it would be very hard to argue there is one out there who hasn't done something particularly flawed in any capacity to the female lead of the game.

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some part of him questions, argues, how much further would she be willing to go for him, how much cruelty or horror or guilt she'd dig up until she'd see the strung out carcass between what is better known as his body ━━ existence, being, the only parts of him she can cling onto with the sincerity that they will never completely change, that has never once shifted despite the way they both recall every emotion that has made a home across his face ━━ and if what she'd uncover would grant her the response she wished for. the one that goes beyond the way his expression sets now, the relief tugging at the corner of his lips, a slow blink of his eyes and he wonders, belatedly, if he's already found himself slipping too far. that the shu who sits now comes full circle to the shu who lived back then, the one who felt the weight of a hierarchy pressed so effortlessly against his back, who traded the crux of family to wear a crown he'd never asked for in the first place and that kiss should be his warning. that the nick of her teeth against his lip is a cue for more violence, that the blood that spills from the wound is some telling allegory for his heart, that he should never have crossed such a line ━━ but the boy back then is not as powerful as the man he is today, is not even loved as much, either. with the promise of forever clinging to his lips from a woman they both can tell will be tied to his existence over and over again. across lifetimes.

it does not mean he is not selfish towards what he desires, however.

❛  you're not expecting an answer, are you? ❜ the words sound rather dismissive but it remains his lips that linger so wholeheartedly above her own, thumb brushing against her cheek with a gentleness foreign to how he remembers it being. digits trailing down to the point where he knows her pulse will flutter beneath it, sweeping in circles against her skin until the moment he feels his own throat constrict: faced so wholeheartedly against alice's wholehearted reaction. her eyes are so bright, captivating in ways that even the glow of the moonlight doesn't quite add up and to feel it accompanied by the relaxation of her heart is more than he can handle. even when he doesn't pull away, opting to press another chaste kiss to her lips in place of her next breath, pulling back if only to take a look at his own blood staining, stark and unnerving, from the corner of her lips, the tips of her teeth. ❛  between you and me, i suspect that you already know what i want to say before i could speak it. ❜ shu guesses, because he means it ━━ even if he chooses in this moment to remain vague because of how he enjoys the way suspense reflects against her, the inevitable much sweeter than death on the forefront of her mind. on the forefront of his own.

❛  forever ... ❜ his lips part if only to spare a hum, tongue sweeping across his bottom lip to taste what she has inflicted and the moment he speaks again, it's with conviction; someone who has added fuel to the fire. ❛  you'll be mine and i'll be yours. no matter how many times i take the path to get there, no matter how many lifetimes will follow today. ❜ another pause, deliberate. until his hand drops, after a few seconds, making it's way to rest upon the small of her back and he finds himself tempted to lean in for another kiss, explain his thoughts with an ever-present desire of their lips pressed together instead, but he knows better than that. knows she's deserving of more from this, from him. ❛  maybe i'll just keep this mark as a sign, something for you to find every time, and for me ... hah. that'd spoil the surprise, wouldn't it? ❜ the way he does, always has done, in fact.

❛  hexes and curses and spells, they pale in comparison to a beast on the hunt. it doesn't matter where you'd hide, who you'd settle for and how you'd survive. it would be there, i would be there. to keep you safe, secure, happy. up until the day we finally meet again, the one i'd always count down to ... ❜ it's his gaze that slips then, not due to the embarrassment of not wishing to see her but his need to intertwine her free hand with his own, aware of his own ability to put the it all, these cycles, to a stop. ❛  i could turn you, if you asked ... make you like me, a more vicious creature in your own right. whatever you ask for, you have my word to seek. if i cannot do it now, i will find a way to. whatever you desire, i can make that my constant. ❜ someone like you could never get tiring, he wants to say, but does not; can already feel the way his mouth wishes to replace 'you' with pervert, 'tiring' with something colder than expected. there are still parts of him that remain freezing, he will do his best to thaw them out.

so he allows them for a few more moments of silence, not quite done yet willing to save it for more time to admire, to think ━━ until he shifts, leaning forward if only considering to have him move up and hands gripping so firmly, so solidly, as if to ask not if, then when. ❛  i'm ready to go home now. ❜ if you hadn't had guessed that by now, he wants to admit, but keeps himself silent. guesses that if anyone would be used to what he has to say then it would be alice he'd expect in the first place ━━ he's always been ready to go home. because he's the homebody here, isn't he? ❛  but part of me will always argue that i'm already there, by your side. home doesn't feel profound enough to just be a building but where you're supposed to feel safe, and here? even if you chose that path. rebelled against those gods, allowed for the sun came out. if you pressed a knife to my throat or buried me where i stand. i'd let you, i'd consider myself secure. ❜

the hand within his palm is brought up to his lips so that he may kiss her skin once more, a graze of his own teeth where he knows her blood still thrums below, pushes his gaze up to meet hers the moment he does it, smile never quite diluting. ❛  so take me, won't you? where home is to you, i want to claim it as my own, too. ❜ and her hand is placed down, back to the ground where the choice of guiding is left in her palms once more. ❛  i'll desire it all, if it means i get to keep you. ❜ with me, by you, forever.

what could she say to the boy that was both seen as the shining example of his family's attention, and at the same time, took himself out so wholly from his family's antics? how could she ever say she BLAMED HIM for no longer wanting to play as a part of this mess. how he rejects what he was, and has spent how long toying with her, and the hearts of human girls who were all considered beneath him, his brothers... that they still held that capacity for love for those that dared to try. and she does. because even if she dies from this, inevitably... if it's meant to be, why not put a little token of faith into things? she'll whisper sweet, her own ill intentions... "i don't need you to save me-" it's an insistent thing - she was meant to be the heroine. not the princess, not the scraped and terrified. she was going to be her own hero out of this hell of purgatory, and if at the end was something so sweet as this... oh how she'd lay down her weapons and let it have her, whole.

"you say it like it's a curse... so do it. i've bewitched you anyways! now lay your revenge. make it so there's no other way. every path winds back to you. if this is who you are? then use it... and maybe you won't be a knight on a white horse, but together, we'll be something more than what's chained us to our own, personal hells." for him, his vampirism ATE AWAY at the person he wanted to be. he could deny and push and refuse and stomp, but hunger has a way. doesn't he want that? them, in that eternal dance, life and death for her, and that ever endless eternity. she smiles. "don't you think... that for us, forever could be real?" however twisted, however skewed. he'd have the the guide, the cheat sheet, all the answers, he knew how to love her and how she needed to be loved, even in the ways that they had yet to figure out. each time, he'd be able to sweep in, and make her believe. in her, she hopes...

one day, maybe it will even STICK.

"it might be easy to say. but i have to believe in you. and i'm choosing that. i'm going to chose to believe that you'll find me each time, because love can be important like that. it's not the only thing. but it can be something, for us. maybe you'll be bored and tired of me eventually, but i will remain A CONSTANT in this world, as will you. that's what monsters like us are made for." yes, even her, even she with what hands her between heaven and hell and earth and all of god's creatures. her lips curve ; she leans into that space between them, palms adoring, framing at his face, eyes wide, staring. a still thing. "you will be you and i will be i. and if you wish which to go chasing after your what ifs, i will only even encourage your heart. with me, with someone else. who cares? love is built differently. i just want you to be happy. everything else, it won't measure up. not once you've had a taste of the real thing. i promise you that."

her smile hangs. "so let me believe in FOREVER for the both of us."

does he know the shape, the feeling? how it's been a part of his endless life as long as he's known, her shu, who's wandered high and low and never settled long. what does one do with the eternally damned and young, but notice? and goodness were the brothers ever, beautiful and terrifying, made into elegant weapons of those that sought for more power. how power corrupts. they've seen it all, up close and too personal, in their mothers, their father. that fucking house on the hill. he's so close... oh, alice CAN'T BREATHE! he's beautiful like this, pale and caught in the moonlight, untouched by the sun, embracing instead being the son of the night. but now? right now, he was promising so much more, than just what he'd long resigned himself of being. that he locked out the possibility of more but with this..?

she's cracked at something awful within him and she couldn't be happier. no matter what came out of this - smiling there, against the coolness of him, marble, steel. "you should~?" a teasing pull, but she's never been one to back down from a challenge! never needing more than a smile for her to kiss him full, that grin never quite leaving her as that bite at his bottom lip proves that she too could hurt, as he hurts, as he inflicted. that she'd meet him there, somewhere in the VIOLENT middle of this. "lets find out~ where our happy ending is. let's go home. the one we make for you and i. with your brothers and family or not. who cares~ i give you this lifetime. i'll rebel against god. i want this. so let me show you what a pervert like me can do." a laugh - as if shame like that would tear at her. "shall we?"

- @dangaer

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it's the guilt that manages to cut through him, countless nights spent accompanied by the ghost of her touch and a familiar pulse echoing within his ears, qualifying if only to rot within the hollow spaces of his chest ━━ the mausoleum of their love, exacerbated until the point of no return / the point where something escapes. it's these memories, overwhelming, laid out within the space that lingers between them as if the table is no longer bare, spilling off the ledge of her clean cut smile to the glint in her eyes and the way she knew, knows, cutting through the last surface of his defence faster than any knife could with only a few choice questions to hand. lucifer remembers it, believes that some part of alice may remember it too, the familiarity of a room that once served as her final resting place; blood dried and a haunting brought back to life, he doesn't particularly have an answer to her questions far beyond the final dregs of his pride and the unspoken admittance that she's right, she's right just as she was always was setting ablaze like wildfire in his throat.

she asks for an easy answer, a few short words, a familiar phrase. the type of response he's imagined repeating back to her countless times before, the act of a villain to match the heroine she's always claimed to be inside. they're doomed, he laments, this demon and his human destined to end in nothing short of bitterness and strife if only to retell the ending he already knows by heart. he's not sure if he can find it in himself to count down towards the day her heart will stop again, not this time / not by his own hands, anyhow.

' we might not have another chance to be candid with one another again. ' she ponders and lucifer can feel the way his own gaze drifts away aggressively, something not quite hidden beneath the cold exterior he's all but armed himself with in her presence. suddenness in place of indifference, he reacts the way he knows most expect around betrayal, around death. no time given to how such a thought changes everything, to the way such considerations guide him. there's no easy way to phrase it, no easy way of saying 'yes' without knowing he'll open something he shouldn't, of admitting 'i did' and still somehow being understood; why even now his feet remain planted at a distance but it's his head leaning ever so slightly towards her and the fact it remains his own hand causing the biggest grief of them all, the irreversible repose to everything he'd promised before, the proof that he isn't so different to those he claimed to be. a chance, alice permits; it feels cold, like a dead body, and there's a shiver to wracked through his frame in responce.

❛  losing myself was always a choice, one i promised myself to wholeheartedly the moment we found ourselves reaching the point of no return. your humanity ... it was never going to mute the way i feel for you, those emotions weren't going to fade simply because you had. ❜ how else was i supposed to feel, he questions back, more hysteria to his tone than expected. he holds no hesitation towards admitting such a fact whilst the how remains locked under closed doors and hushed lips. ❛ my honesty lies in wishing that would have been enough. to have given us a few years longer, to make me the odd one out.  ❜

it's the way her chest heaves no longer akin to a ghost's, the words both new and now recalled, that has struck the deepest parts within him. unable to call her frightened, the moment in which she faces him now, not a memory, a fragment of nostalgia ... no. she's alive yet not at the same time, the opportunity of coming back yet finding yourself not quite right should he recall such a phenomenon from a personal perspective but even then does it feel like just seeing such a situation happen before his very eyes could never give him the right words to describe how exactly he is supposed to feel to help heal the hole he has torn all the way through her chest. to enable him to repair a heart that doesn't even know it's broken.

he turns his gaze back towards her nonetheless, staggered pieces of his heart beating if only in an offkey reprieve; was she always this hurt when this part of the story took place? is every life of hers doomed because of murder or heartbreak? the concept of 'humanity' and 'alice' are so conjoined that the lines have become blurred in discovering how much is too far for those as damned as him that the pain feels like a what if, a punishment for every memory and sentiment he's seen her smile through all the same and hearing it so earnestly in her voice, honesty beyond a natural curiosity, is ... he allows for a hand to reach out, if only to pull it back at the last minute, the walls he has built from the last time such fingers had permission to grace her skin causing a dip in his confidence. his head leans back, stalls, instead choosing to pull his full body closer to her, presenting his hands palm open in a way that he hopes will appear less threatening, concerning, for what she wishes to hear him admit.

❛  these hands remain stained with your blood. ❜ a furrowing of his brow, sentence all but swallowed by his attempt to stop the lump in his throat, next breath closer to an exhale with how he releases the weight the memory brings. he faces her, wholeheartedly, tries not to wallow in self pity above the facts she is deserving to know. it's true, he regrets it. but still, it is her, alice, who was stung the most. ❛  you may ... see it as an act of trickery, i suppose. but i meant it wholeheartedly when i swore to keep you safe. ❜ another exhale, he imagines it's rather lucky he doesn't quite need to breathe the way she does. ❛  and keeping my distance is the opportunity i have now to fulfill it. i can't bring you to harm if i am not near you anymore, wouldn't you agree? ❜

what does he know? she wants to sing to him and pull out the truth from where he folds it within his tongue, this avatar of pride, and ever suffering demon. there's so many IFS, ANDS AND MAYBES here that the road is simply blood splattered with the possibilities of it all, but does that stop her? no! there'd be no guts, no glory in that, and alice is wreathed in the viscera of it all. but there he sits, with funeral bells ringing within his gaze, and she's left wondering what other alice has done to him, for him, with him to leave him shaken and unstirred, watching... for what? a hint, a glimmer? alice peels at the options and finds that occam's razor would leave her disturbed for what she finds as the logical answer, but no, hardly! not the demon of pride themselves, because what was alice, if not some bastard of fate and mortal bones? ground up and spat back as the ghost, the vision of herself, so perfectly animated and made real, that none might find the flaw, the cracks, save those who -

... well. that's a WHOLE THING too. but hardly unexpected with her, somehow, she thinks... no. that's not fair. there she is, scrubbing off responsibility in the moment because it feels, somehow, both claustrophobic and uncomfortable. because to know these dug up things would be to shatter something special, and meaningful. that to know that he may have loved her once feels an odd and sad thing for something that she couldn't quite remember, never really, never fully. it's always there, in halfway form, and besides the obvious blunders among humanity, their lives never quite last long enough for her to find herself held accountable for her carelessness. but lucifer? well that's different isn't it? thousands and thousands of years and war scars have laden themselves upon a monster made neutral form, and a thin veneer of civility. is it enough? she can feel them all longing to ask her - for her to be at ease, to accept them in this house, that screams in the night, made up for a girl just like her? funny, how the room was all decked to her taste, as if she'd been here before, and now she's left to wonder, has she been, had she been, once, in a room like this, with this man, having this same conversation?

it was the definition of madness to repeat the same thing, again and again, and hope for a different outcome. perhaps this too was a part of the cycle that they'd found themselves sunk within, thus his reactions, his clinical attempts to distance himself. and yet, she continued on, alice with her jagged teeth and dogged attempts to pry open but a crack of him to pour out from. but was she ready for what she finds instead? that GAPING WOUND that demands attention - how she can't quite look away from it, lips drawn thin, grim. the one that she's left, unwitting, with a knife, and while part of her longs to know ( how? when? why? ) these are questions that her mouth can't quite unglue itself to speak. what an irony given the ease with which she allowed other nonsense to trip and fall out without issue. a breath gathered and drawn, trying again, another route, could she speak it? make it? "well now! a woman isn't a reason to lose yourself. life! is a mysterious thing. and it only ever lasts so long. shouldn't you be celebrating the goodness you had when it was there rather than lamenting its loss? or..."

no, no, oh she knows that unstoppable feeling, where something awful crawls right out of her mouth. it's a disease, this. despite seeing the hurt, the pain of it, alice goes marching right on, pressing on the bruise of his ego, his pride, his reason. "or is that guilt instead?" fingers on the table, slip, they spread further, split apart and smudging glass. she knows and doesn't know. it's an awful things to have to hold in your chest, to know what betrayal and love tasted like in tune, gaze holding harder to his own. unwilling to back away as she hopped right into his space, insistent and demanding. that he presents to her the cold facts of what has doomed them before, and perhaps, a path that she's taken over and over, praying, fevered, for a chance to prove that he was worthy of REDEMPTION even before god himself. wouldn't she have fought him, for that chance? "did you?" maybe she sounds a little hurt then. she's only human. "trick me, i mean. did you trick me? did you kill me with purpose and intent behind it all, lucifer? be honest. maybe we might not have another chance to be candid with one another again. let's make the most of it, while it's ours."

- @dangaer

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since it may take a while, ill probably end up adding virch.e everm.ore and myst.ic messeng.er muses alongside my new theme set up (or at least possibly the pages for them to go into)

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Happy Birthday to my beloved Belphegor (●´ □ ` )♡!!! And Beel too lol, is my bias showing? ृ₍⁺ꇴ⁺᷅ ृ₎₎ ՞

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ok so this is a later announcement than on my other blog but on the 25-27th of july, it will be this blogs time for inbox spamming! as before ill be sending mutuals random muse combos in asks over the weekend, mainly to help me reach out and take a shot!!

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happy munday!!!

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like "there is no such thing as a little brother who can surprass his older brother" man is (rightfully) pissed but this goes beyond rei.jis actions today.

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dia.lovers being reje.ts main selling point / focus is so beautiful bc they literally get new content every month (just merch lines) which, for an oto.me game that last had a game release in 2019, is insane. like this is how many drops theyve had in the past few months:

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beautiful daily reminder.

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in the end i was still as filthy as i was when i was born.