daniiiixxx

[daniiiixxx]

how it feels explaining to a gelphie shipper that i believe it’s real but i also believe that elphaba would still choose fiyero even if she and glinda were romantically connected

[daniiiixxx]

✦ ALEXANDER HAMILTON: AMERICA’S #1 EMOTIONAL SUPPORT MARTYR ✦

aka: the 5’7” disaster bisexual of your historically unhinged dreams

okay so picture this: a man walks out of colonial trauma hell, armed with exactly zero social capital and infinite self-loathing, and decides the best way to earn respect is to work himself into an early grave while dragging a whole nation into existence. that’s not ambition, babe. that’s a coping mechanism. that’s our boy.

this man—this immigrant bastard war orphan bastard with a god complex—wrote like he was running out of time because he WAS. he was sprinting headfirst into annihilation at every possible moment. he was trying to out-write fate. fate wrote back with a bullet.

hamilton wasn’t just obsessed with honor. he was honor. like he’d fused his actual bloodstream with the idea of national credibility. every time someone insulted the government, he took it personally. every time the senate made a decision without him, he was “tortured.” that’s not patriotism. that’s a full-body psychological spiral in a waistcoat.

he literally equated the collapse of his political vision with his own death. he couldn’t separate “the nation” from “alexander hamilton.” this man woke up every morning and chose violence against himself in the name of America™.

this wasn’t your standard genius-with-flaws situation. this was i’m going to publicly confess to cheating on my wife to prove i didn’t commit financial fraud levels of self-destruction. this was everyone around me is exhausted and i refuse to go to therapy energy.

he was all insecurity and swagger, brilliance and manic overcompensation. like—this man had the energy of an honor student who got one B in fourth grade and never emotionally recovered. he tried to rewrite the entire economic structure of the country because he could not stand being irrelevant.

writing wasn’t just how he communicated. it’s how he survived. this was a man who literally processed emotions at the speed of light via quill. he didn’t draft legislation—he drafted exorcisms. he wrote like if he stopped, the ghosts of his childhood would catch up and drag him back to the Caribbean. he wasn’t just building a country—he was building a legacy because that was the only thing he thought could make him permanent.

look. burr didn’t have to destroy hamilton. hamilton was already doing that on his own. the duel wasn’t murder—it was assisted suicide. burr just showed up. hamilton spent years laying the groundwork. this is the man who alienated his own party, blew up his marriage in print, and dragged everyone around him into his spiral like a tragic little tornado. burr pulled the trigger, but hamilton wrote the play.

alexander hamilton was not noble in the way some people likes to tell it. he was not a victim of history’s cruelty. he ran into history with his arms wide open and yelled, “RUIN ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS.” he was brilliance built on a fault line. charm sharpened into weaponry. insecurity wearing the mask of certainty. he was a man who broke himself apart to build something bigger—and insisted it would all be worth it, even as he bled into the foundation and ruin the people around him in the process.

alexander hamilton is:

don draper’s self-invention panic

patrick bateman’s neurotic self-control with a side of 👀unhinged👀

tom wambsgans’s clawing desperation for validation from institutions that hate him

and a founding father with a quill in one hand and a death wish in the other

and i love him. i love him so much it makes me stupid. so much so that on some days I want to hug him, shake him, choke him, maybe even stab, and then eat him alive.

Also this is about the historical Ham 😔 the musical one is a bit more silly.

[daniiiixxx]

What if… what if I just happened to take out the music: “Say you do not care for me… tell me you feel nothing and I will walk away” edition

[daniiiixxx]

The Stephen may be from Peggy’s husband (Stephen Van Rensselaer). I have read that from somewhere that it was from the aforementioned Hamilton cousin and the brother-in-law which tracks with their naming scheme.

Sometimes I lie awake at nights trying to figure out who William Stephen Hamilton was named after.

(Every single other one of the Hamilton children was named after a relative. Every. Single. One.)

[daniiiixxx]

Sometimes I lie awake at nights trying to figure out who William Stephen Hamilton was named after.

(Every single other one of the Hamilton children was named after a relative. Every. Single. One.)

[daniiiixxx]

Hamilton will be the historical Brutus but not the Brutus that are thinking of, not Marcus Brutus but Decimus Junius Brutus - the unforgotten but the most important Brutus (in terms of the events of the assassination) and whose involvement and characteristics were mixed with his more famous cousin Brutus.

He was the loyal Brutus, the right hand man of Caesar, the one who sided with him with the Civil War, and the one Caesar named as his heir of second degree in his will. He is the Brutus whom Caesar viewed as a son and who historians argue if a Brutus was the natural son of Caesar, Decimus was more likely than Marcus Brutus.

This is the Brutus who supported Caesar in the Civil War and the one who sided with him in everything until the assassination. The Brutus who convinced Caesar to go attend the Senate meeting because Caesar initially didn’t want to go but was persuaded by his ever loyal ally - a person who dined with him just a night before the assassination. If there was one person who Caesar never thought would betray him, it wasn’t Marcus Brutus - he never sided with Caesar but Decimus Junius Brutus - the heir, the friend, and the trusted ally.

So yes, if historical Washington would be Caesar, then historical Hamilton will be (Decimus Junius) Brutus.

P.S. And look at that they are even both associated with the number 10 👀

is ides of march airborne? because my friend who's not into hamilton or roman history, merely suffered through hours of me rambling, sent me this text:

you've corrupted me by osmosis because i just got a crazy idea. if caesar's assassination was to happen in the amrev world, how would it go? caesar's obvious. it has to be george washington, beloved general of the people. washington if he got corrupted by power and decided "fuck the continental congress, they didn't do shit for us during the war, i'm taking charge of this town."

then who has to be brutus? not jefferson or madison, that's too predictable. they would be screaming crying from the start. it has to be hamilton. someone who wants a strong executive power, even petitioned for that during the convention - someone who washington thinks would totally understand, since he's been there during the war. so he's quietly by washington's side and then BOOM he deals the final blow.

where did this come from?? at first it seemed implausible but now i'm like...wtf 😭 the angst opportunity here?

if any fic writers see this then boy do i have the story for you-

[daniiiixxx]

Hi, I hope I'm not annoying you. I just wondered, why do you think Burr challenged Hamilton to a duel. I read somewhere that it was because Hamilton made a comment about the affection between Burr and Theodosia. I just wondered if you thought that was just moonshine or actually founded in reality.

Not at all! Great question! The story about the accusation of an incestuous relationship Burr and Theodosia was popularized by Gore Vidal in his historical fiction novel, “Burr” not due to historical evidence, but because he “couldn’t think of anything [else] . . . that would drive AB to so drastic an action.” (”Patriotic Gore” by Fred Anderson, LA Times, 5 July 1998). Some historians have tried to find historical evidence to back up the story, but it inevitably ends up very thin and unpersuasive, hinging on the vagueness of the phrase “a still more despicable opinion” that underpinned Burr’s challenge. (See Burr to Hamilton, 18 June 1804). 

The best resource to understand the psychology behind dueling in Joanne Freeman’s “Affairs of Honor,” which I highly recommend! In an article written for the 215th anniversary of the duel, Freeman explained:

So why did they fight? Careful study of political dueling  patterns  offers  a  tantalizing  explanation. Most such disputes occurred in the weeks following an election  or  political  controversy.  Usually,  the loser or a member of the losing faction — the group dishonored  by  defeat — provoked  a  duel  with  the winner or a member of the winning faction; rather than the result of sudden flares  of  temper,  such  duels  were  deliberately  provoked partisan battles. If the dispute resulted in gun play, the two seconds often published conflicting newspaper accounts, each man boasting of his principal’s bravery. Fought to influence a broad public, synchronized  with  the  events  of  the  political  timetable,  political  duels conveyed  carefully  scripted  political  messages. They  enabled  dishonored and discredited leaders to redeem their wounded reputations with displays of character.

Burr  followed  this  logic  in  1804.  After  the  personal  abuse  and public humiliation of a lost election, he sought a duel with Hamilton to redeem his honor and reassert his merit as a leader. If Burr did not defend his name and receive some sign of respect from Hamilton —either  an  apology  or  the  satisfaction  of  a  duel — he  would  lose  the support  of  his  followers.  As  Burr’s  second,  William  Van  Ness, explained, if Burr “tamely sat down in silence, and dropped the affair what  must  have  been  the  feelings  of  his  friends? — they  must  have considered him as a man, not possessing sufficient firmness to defend his own character, and consequently unworthy of their support.”To remain a political leader, Burr had to defend his honor. (Freeman, “Dueling as Politics: The Burr-Hamilton Duel”, New York Journal of American History).

When Burr lost the race for governor, after losing his position of Vice President, he was scrambling to hold on to influence. Hamilton had been a thorn in his side for a long time, and though Hamilton had mostly stepped back from politics by the 1804 governor’s race, he had said some unflattering things about Burr. (In his Statement on the Duel, Hamilton admitted, “[Burr] doubtless has heard of animadversions of mine which bore very hard upon him; and it is probable that as usual they were accompanied with some falsehoods.”) Additionally, it’s important to remember, as Joanne Freeman beautifully explains, that dueling wasn’t about murdering another person, but about showing that you were willing to risk your life to defend your reputation.

There doesn’t need to have been some horrifying, scandalous accusation at the heart of the challenge. Burr wasn’t defending his daughter’s honor. This was simply a tragic political miscalculation that caused endless heartache for both Burr and the Hamilton family.

[daniiiixxx]

Hamilton Ghost

HBD to him

[daniiiixxx]

Captain Hamilton patting the stolen canon as if it were an animal in front of Kings...another thing I read and decided I must draw

[daniiiixxx]

[daniiiixxx]

yes we can have historical accuracy or we can have the scene in george washington (1984) where washington shakes his soldiers' hands and embraces them- but gets to hamilton and ignores the offered hand to pull him into a tight hug with tears in his eyes.

so i don't know what you want from me.

btw the curly haired dude before hamilton is tench tilghman. my aides de camp.

[daniiiixxx]

"Why did Rhaegar leave a whole THREE Kingsguards with Lyanna? Why did he leave Jaime, A CHILD, to PROTECT his family? Why wasn't Arthur, a DORNISH man, with Elia?"

These or other individual questions about the Kingsguards during the Rebellion era keep coming up every now and then. Usually, it concerns questioning Rhaegar's motivations, sometimes even Jaime's morality or culpability, as well as the morality of said Kingsguards.

But I was having a conversation with some fans and it comes down to the same issue: no one considers the Targaryen politics at the time, and fragment these circumstances in shallow bits and pieces, naturally, coming down to "there's no good explanation for this!"

Everyone hates that these two Targaryen men have genuine character complexity, especially in rapport with eachother: Rhaegar and Aerys.

Let's go over the Kingsguard at the end of Aerys' reign, and actually consider allegiance and what the mean, and how those would actually easily explain a lot-

Jon Darry, Darry cousin: unclear loyalty, when it comes down to the Aerys-Rhaegar conflict. Darrys are without a doubt Targaryen men, but we don't know if and who they would choose. Darrys are most of all connected with Viserys and Rhaella, who are very sheltered from the rest of the world all the same. Darrys might have been sideline in the Aerys-Rhaegar conflict by such default then, and eventually Jon would be sent to the Trident anyway. But then again, unquestionable loyalty to House Targaryen sounds like a traditionalist approach.

Arthur Dayne: Rhaegar's man without a doubt. His oldest and closest friend.

Oswell Whent: Rhaegar's man. He's with him at the Tower and rumours are his family conspired alongside him to get the Lords at Harrenhal to stage Aerys' usurpation.

Gerold Hightower, Comander: King's (Aerys') man. The scene at the King's doors is often brought up in discussions about the ethics of the KG. But it actually also unveils a key political information within the Aerys-Rhaegar factions. Whether it's a matter of adhering to the status quo only, or personal allegiance to Aerys as well, the message is clear: even when it's between two royals, it's the King he will stand by, no matter what, even when he's not in the right (and if his son tries to usurp him, then technically he is).

Barristan Selmy: Barristan undergoes a character development during the main series in which he finally questions unquestionable allegiance to a King no matter their morality. A past Barristan, however, would then resemble a Ser Gerold, and be in the King's (Aerys) service before anything by virtue of duty. Notably, he would later reflect that Rhaegar did not find him fit to be in his confidence, and these expectations are probably why.

Lewyn Martell: Easily Elia's and Rhaegar's man, and Dornish. Noted as being in his confidence.

Jaime Lannister: One that causes a lot of controversy. A lot of back and forth discussion as to what expectations Rhaegar had of Jaime (and whether Jaime himself fulfilled them). The answer can actually be seen easily by:

1. Looking at it with the awareness that there was a faction divide existed in the KG in between Aerys and Rhaegar, as it was building up to a conflict and hence-

2. Reading their last conversation with that in mind

The day had been windy when he said farewell to Rhaegar, in the yard of the Red Keep. The prince had donned his night-black armor, with the three-headed dragon picked out in rubies on his breastplate. “Your Grace,” Jaime had pleaded, “let Darry stay to guard the king this once, or Ser Barristan. Their cloaks are as white as mine."

Prince Rhaegar shook his head. “My royal sire fears your father more than he does our cousin Robert. He wants you close, so Lord Tywin cannot harm him. I dare not take that crutch away from him at such an hour.”

Jaime’s anger had risen up in his throat. “I am not a crutch. I am a knight of the Kingsguard.”

“Then guard the king,” Ser Jon Darry snapped at him. “When you donned that cloak, you promised to obey.”

Rhaegar had put his hand on Jaime’s shoulder. “When this battle’s done I mean to call a council. Changes will be made. I meant to do it long ago, but … well, it does no good to speak of roads not taken. We shall talk when I return.”

For one, Jaime is the last KG left in King's Landing, and one to be kept close to Aerys himself. And Rhaegar is taking him into his confidence before he leaves - he is pretty much talking treason, hinting at usurpation upon his return.

Why did he leave Jaime, A CHILD, to PROTECT his family?

First of all, he doesn't leave Jaime himself in that post. As seen above, Aerys calls the shots. We know from the Ice and Fire "history book" that he sent Lewyn away from Elia as well for being Dornish (while before he was stationed with her and the kids on Dragonstone in Rhaegar's absence) and he commands Jaime to stay. As it appears, he also sends Darry and Selmy with him (with Selmy being a traditionalist at the time, it may even be to keep an eye on Rhaegar).

Rhaegar doesn't have a choice of whom to ask to look out for Elia and the children, no matter which KG would've been in town. He makes that clear. And as to expectations he has of the only one left and whom he can have a word with, while Jaime is, yes, by all means considered a grown man in their society AND a capable soldier who's well trained and already been in combat, he's not asking for Jaime to stand between his family and an army or anything.

There's not meant to be an army. That's meant to be Rhaegar's job to prevent. He's going out to battle. He's meant to give Robert a honorable single combat, prove himself as strong and fair - unlike the mockery of a "trial by combat" Aerys gave Rickard. Hence prove himself unlike his father first of all, probably give his explanations about Lyanna, and also make it clear he's against Aerys' actions and wanting to give the justice by deposing him.

No, Rhaegar isn't irresponsible, dumping that burden on younger Jaime. He does the responsible thing of taking all that upon himself. What does he expect of Jaime? As read above, he does not put Jaime in the mindset of a fighting machine that's supposed to save his family from anything unrealistic. He puts him in the mindset of someone who would be his man and oppose Aerys when the time comes - he's meant to be the one threat to his family when the chips fall down and he is taking the throne.

Whatever reading Rhaegar did of Jaime, he thought he could say those words to him (that would've been dangerous if he were wrong), that Jaime would have it in him to turn against Aerys (again not some ridiculous expectation - a frail man). And Rhaegar is clearly not dumb. He was right in his perception, wasn't he? (Is this where Jon Snow gets his amazing perceptive skills - "little his eyes do not see").

Why wasn't Arthur, a DORNISH man, with Elia?

Why would he be allowed to? We've already established Aerys calls the shots. And among them there's one KG specifically being sent away because he's Dornish and hence loyal to Elia (and Rhaegar). If Lewyn couldn't be there, why would Arthur?

Why did Rhaegar leave a whole THREE Kingsguards with Lyanna?

That is something I couldn't understand for a long time, too. Not only the specific number, but the fact that clearly Rhaegar can't just do whatever he wants with the Kingsguard. Why was this allowed?

It doesn't make sense until you go back to the Aerys-Rhaegar allegiance divide above. The three are Gerold (most loyal Aerys appears to have) and Arthur and Oswell (most loyal Rhaegar appears to have).

Gerold came from King's Landing to take Rhaegar. Oswell and Arthur would have already been with him. Either-

1. Gerold was sent with the order to stay behind with Lyanna. Aerys already took hold of Elia and the kids to control Dorne (and Rhaegar) and would have her in the hands of his most obedient man, too. Rhaegar cannot let that happen, as he plans to turn against Aerys while he's away. If he can't send Gerold away, he makes the compromise of leaving two of his own. One only would have been uncertain odds, but if Gerold eventually acts up when things unravel, he's outnumbered. Arthur and Oswell can do what they have to do and they are in an isolated location and can lie about it later to protect their honor.

2. Gerold wasn't meant to stay behind. But since Rhaegar is decided to depose Aerys, removing him from Aerys is an opportunity. Aerys/Gerold can be lured with the illusion of having a hold on Lyanna. Rhaegar had to leave someone (trustworthy) with her regardless but compromises his own numbers for the same reasoning above, if it means removing a barrier from between him and Aerys. Aerys would be blindsided in allowing in from that same perspective: Rhaegar is made to leave crucial allies behind.

[daniiiixxx]

#save tag

The puzzle piece about Rhaegar that is really interesting but unfortunately often overlooked is that he was relieved when he realized he was not TPTWP. Yes, relieved. Conflicted too which I will get into. And I believe it is obvious that when Rhaegar first read about Aegon's prophecy, he was not enthused— It seems I must be a warrior is trotted out to talk about Rhaegar's gender expression, his disconnect with capital m Masculinity that is purposely contrasted to Robert Baratheon reveling in it (indeed only making sense within the context of violence, battle, war) but there is more to the compulsion involved in the words It seems and I must than just It seems I must become an archetype. Socially becoming a fighter was already expected of him but he was not, presumably, in compliance with this expectation. The prophecy motivated him in a different way than you will be socially rewarded for acting as a man does.

Which brings me to another point i.e. how Rhaegar perceived himself prior to reading what he read; his connection to the tragedy of his birth and the grief, the resentment, the awkward dynamics between members of his family. "Oh he was a child" yes but we're told that Rhaegar did not act like, think like, or even particularly get along with others his age. So it's safe to say he was aware of Summerhall and felt it's shadow surrounding him from a young age. And Aegon's prophecy, combined with the Ghost of High Heart's prophecy, the events of Summerhall, put this weight on his shoulders completely into context. It was not that Rhaegar desired to be TPTWP because he took to it with determination but no particular joy. Every indicator just seemed to demand he give himself over to fulfilling this role. TPTWP was coming from Aerys and Rhaella's line? Well, he was their only child. Consult Maester Aemon on the matter? Yeah kid it's you. Ancient scrolls? Dusty, but they agree. Dead ancestors? Oh wait, they died so YOU could live. Woah.

This understanding basically necessitates us looking to ASOS Daenerys who also has some knowledge of TPTWP prophecy, and thanks to the Rhaegar-Daenerys pipeline, we can imagine that Rhaegar had similar thoughts to Daenerys, such as when she asks herself: The dragon has three heads. There are two men in the world who I can trust, if I can find them. I will not be alone then. We will be three against the world, like Aegon and his sisters. Who are Rhaegar's fellow two heads? Daenerys wonders at this, telling Jorah that her brothers are dead. Well Rhaegar's brothers die too, right in front of him. Rhaella suffers miscarriage after stillbirth after crib death. She is punished for this by Aerys via isolation and presumably Rhaegar is also kept separate from her— textually we know that Rhaegar was expected to take a sister to bride, i.e. further targcest was going to be enforced by Aerys, and to Rhaegar the loss would have also been of the other two people who would have fulfilled the requirements of the prophecy. Yes that's true. However, it was also the loss of his mother.

Rhaella was 13 when she had Rhaegar so it would be ridiculous to even think that she, a child, a Queen from when Rhaegar was 3, was this grand maternal figure to him. Of course she wasn't. There was too much on her shoulders. Too much on Aerys's shoulders as well, to be any sort of father except the kind who trotted Rhaegar out as an impressive little heir from time to time. Rhaegar was Aerys's success (it's the duty of the patriarch to sire sons who will continue the line) but as Rhaegar's siblings failed to survive, that success became a dicey thing. So when Viserys was born & survived, there is a thought that Rhaegar would latch onto such a sibling. This isn't the case— in fact, Viserys is Rhaella's. She coddles him. Keeps him close. Safe from Aerys (who already has Rhaegar). Viserys tells Dany stories about Rhaegar but this is done in the sense that he does not truly know Rhaegar. Why wouldn't Rhaegar have spent more time with Viserys, if he was motivated by fulfillment of the prophecy?

Because Viserys was Rhaella's, perhaps. Rhaegar never truly got to be his mother's son. To leech Viserys away from her... there's something in that. When Rhaella warmly welcomed Rhaegar's daughter, too. Rhaella's was Aerys's wife and property, which Rhaegar knew because he was also Aerys's property. Rhaella was mother to his brother. Rhaella was a grandmother to his daughter. She was everything but the woman who raised him.

"Rhaegar was a lonely man anyway due to his depression" yes that's true. There is an asceticism to Rhaegar Targaryen. The places he enjoys are bare and stripped, places he can keep his own company: Summerhall, the place of his birth, haunted, full of magic. Dragonstone where he retreats after his marriage, a place where the last embers of Valyria's magic died. Later the Tower of Joy is in a barren desert. But he finds a beauty in these places. He writes music that pushes him back into the shared world, songs he shares with people, about people, about lovers and those who sacrificed and who he is deeply moved by— almost like he's motivating himself. People are drawn to him.

Despite his lack of connection to Rhaella and Viserys he does bond with people. Arthur Dayne, who for all we can try and complicate, apply horseshoe theory to, is meant as the juxtaposition to characters such as the Smiling Knight. Brave as brass Myles Mooton whose memory his people still call upon. Richard Lonmouth and Jon Connington, both technically vassals to Robert Baratheon, funny little irony there. Princess Elia his wife who he is fond of along with the Dornishmen she comes to court with, "particularly" Prince Lewyn of the Kingsguard, who is in Rhaegar's confidence (per AWOIAF). These bonds seem strong because not a whiff of possible disloyalty on Rhaegar's part ever reaches Aerys despite it definitely existing and Aerys actively looking for it (again per AWOIAF). Do these confidantes know about Aegon's prophecy? IDK. At least in JonCon's case the answer seems to be no. However we also know JonCon wasn't actually the closest to Rhaegar. Nonetheless, I think we can assume that outside of Arthur Myles and Richard most of these were political relationships which Rhaegar pursued and all were concerned about Aerys's instability— there is also Tywin who Rhaegar performs certain overtures towards (such as knighting Gregor, Tywin's man, at a time when the Aerys-Tywin relationship had just grown particularly sour) indicating he'd like him as an ally. This is all straying away from TPTWP but I think it's important, it shows that even imbued with purpose, Rhaegar was in a position that did not lend itself towards him being able to take much action...

Then winter breaks. Spring comes. Nobody knows it's false yet. Rhaegar's whole deal is this coming Long Night. Everyone takes, quite literally, a breath of fresh air, and the tourney of Harrenhal commences, with Rhaegar as a shadow sponsor, thinking to call an informal Great Council which will begin to deal with Aerys (step 1)(step 1 failed).

This is where matters of prophecy come back into focus. I've covered Rhaegar's various relationships, the shallowness of them, the stagnancy in Developments due to Aerys's paranoia, etc. Harrenhal is not a solitary place but it is flush with magic in a way similar to Summerhall and Dragonstone— all places where dragons have died Harrenhal is thematically the cannibal dragon let's not get into that. And this is important to Rhaegar's characterization because of how things unfold with Lyanna Stark in several ways: 1) Lyanna cries to his song. Before they formally meet Lyanna is touched by the magic and purpose and sacrifice and yes, love, of which Rhaegar sings. It speaks to her. Of course, many others likely cried too. Common occurrence, see: A song of love and doom, Jon Connington recalled, and every woman in the hall was weeping when he put down the harp. Not the men, of course. Rhaegar gender moment but I digress. 2) Rhaegar's discovery of her as the KOTLT despite Robert & Richard Lonmouth both vowing to do so, those raucous manly men, both of whom failed; Rhaegar's subsequent hiding of her identity to unknown consequence for himself if any. All he produces is her shield which is painted with a tree on it, a purposeful callback to Duncan the Tall's shield, both Lyanna and Dunk being 'false knights' yet, in their actions, true ones. Sorry I love Lyanna so much I can't resist plugging her greatest hits 3) Rhaegar winning the tourney, the only tourney he's ever won... and immediately tainting his victory by awarding it to Lyanna instead.

I bring this all up and frame it because here we see that Rhaegar is not really invested in his own victory or legacy or even really his honor. His wife Princess Elia is there and she is pregnant with his son, something he could commemorate in the same vein that Aerys "honored" Rhaegar by showcasing him at various tourneys, an ode to a future warrior king, but Rhaegar doesn't do that. It's not his victory as a Man. It's never been about his victory as a Man. It doesn't even need to be his victory.

Neither does Aegon's prophecy. Rhaegar rapidly realizes that on two fronts: second, the false spring ends. It wasn't real! Rhaegar's spring isn't the lasting one. First, though, is that Rhaegar and Elia's son Aegon is born, a difficult birth in which Elia is rendered infertile. Who does this remind you of? Oh right, Aerys with Rhaella— only Rhaegar does not go about trying to impregnate Elia again. Rhaegar becomes convinced Aegon is TPTWP— something he was already thinking, prior. Rhaegar was never so invested in himself being TPTWP that he could not be convinced otherwise. Maester Aemon: Rhaegar, I thought... the smoke was from the fire that devoured Summerhall on the day of his birth, the salt from the tears shed for those who died. He shared my belief when he was young, but later he became persuaded that it was his own son who fulfilled the prophecy, for a comet had been seen above King's Landing on the night Aegon was conceived, and Rhaegar was certain the bleeding star had to be a comet. Rhaegar agreeing "when he was young" and being "certain the bleeding star had to be a comet" all indicate that he had been looking into the possibility that TPTWP was Not Him for a while. The visits to Summerhall— maybe they were a search for proof by encasing himself in the lingering magic of the place? He still messed up the prince/princess translation presumably because baby Rhaenys never seemed to be in the conversation. (The bleeding star was in fact a comet, funnily enough, a little consolation prize for the pretty boy.) Here's what we know: in Daenerys's vision, Elia asks if Rhaegar will write Aegon a son, we can assume because he wrote their firstborn Rhaenys a song, but Rhaegar says no, he already has one. The song of ice and fire. Aegon doesn't get a song. Why? Rhaegar believes he must be a warrior.

Yet, he sings for him anyway.

Rhaegar's "it seems" and "I must" and distance from Viserys and inner conflict about Aerys and doubt about his own place in the grand scheme of things all come to fruition with Aegon's birth. Rhaegar isn't TPTWP— and it spurs him into action. A weight is off his shoulders so now he can act. As in the case of crowning Lyanna, when the purpose of a task is not to honor or elevate him, we see Rhaegar able to perform in ways he could not before.

Namely there are two veins: acting against Aerys and seeking out information of the prophecy, but Rhaegar's general direction (through the Riverlands past Harrenhal) seems to indicate that he was headed towards the Ghost of High Heart. Not Summerhall, a place of mysticism meant to soothe Rhaegar. Rather a place of pain. The Ghost of High Heart who gorged on grief at Summerhall, who only ever demands Jenny's song (which Rhaegar seems to have wrote), who sees in Arya who looks like Lyanna, who looks like Jon, death. But instead of ever making it there... Rhaegar meets Lyanna.

And then they disappear. There are the Rhaegarwars to consider so I'm just going to say that, at the least, Lyanna did not want to marry Robert though society dictated that she must, and in removing her, she was removed from this. From there she came to be in Dorne in a place that was desolate desert, but similar to Summerhall, which was also abandoned, held something of magic in that it was near where Those Who Sing The Song of the Earth had split the Arm of Dorne. We can say a lot more about this but that's not the point of the post. I have explained Rhaegar as a person disconnected from his mother, later a person who in several manners refuses to act as Aerys did towards Rhaella, indicating that disconnect troubled him — Rhaegar's limited amount of close relationships with people he admired and the deep loyalty shown to him, presumably for a reason — Rhaegar's willingness to interrogate himself & his assumptions about the world.

So when I say Rhaegar was relieved what I mean is that upon suspecting and, to his mind, confirming that he was not the fulfillment of Aegon's prophecy, Rhaegar became proactive in ways he had yearned for but not been able to before. The Rhaegar that died with Lyanna's name as his last word was not a Rhaegar who died thinking the world was doomed without him. I think the Rhaegar that died on the Trident was a Rhaegar who had escaped the shadow of fate only to meet it, face to face.