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[danni--nicole]

Mirror mirror on the wall

Hi lovlies,

Wow, shocked at how long it’s been since I’ve done one of these life articles. Although, life has had me fully encumbered with a new job, a new living situation, new aspirations, new faces. I hope the people who find substance in these life articles take the time to read this one because it’s been a long time in the making. So it shall be-- Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the realest of them all??

I mention often about my tendency to be extremely empathic and I feel that can make me both too relate-able and at times completely un-relateable. Both encounters serve their purpose in my life. I grow in the silence of awkward encounters. In any case, I feel that December and January are both very interesting months because they are such time for self reflection; December is full of togetherness, joy, and oneness. January is a time for self reflection, goal setting, and new energy. It’s so interesting how each month has its own feel about it. I only wish this time of awareness and consciousness would spread throughout the year instead of being so prominent in this very selective time period. It’s like a vortex we all get sucked in to. This post is not merely about my own self reflection but just of general reflection on life and the world as a whole. I found myself scribbling this whole excerpt on my flight back home after the holidays. Those who have active brains can attest that there can be nothing more dangerous than time on your hands with nothing but your own thoughts; needless to say, this lead me to a fury of words hand written & a few unplanned cocktails. This may not have helped my sniffles but it appears everyone sniffles around December so on I sniff. I still remember an observation from my childhood; my family was always very conservative and I was taken to church every Wednesday and every Sunday until I was 18 years old. At one point in my years in Tampa, my mom decided to explore other churches. We found ourselves bright and early on this one specific Sunday parked in front of a church called “Without Walls”. Beckoning you in from the front door was this large statue-esque sculpture and by large I mean it called you in like the smell of donuts from a driving distance. This statue was of two hands turned backwards and intertwined. While this church didn’t seem to be the right dynamic for my family, this statue and the name stood out prominently in my mind. Its implications hinted to the fact that as people, we are so good at building up walls and barriers, afraid for someone to see what stands at the core of our being. Will they judge me? What will their perception be? Does being emotional make me weak? Time weathers us, we become callused with age, some of us making it out better than others. With each heart break and loss we become a little more guarded until potentially the option of letting people in is a matter of what percentage you allow them in but never fully. I think social media plays its part. We get lost in the likes and the comments and the instant gratification, it becomes part of our persona and we almost feel like less without it. It takes bravery to tune out of all that and to just say-- This is who I am. ‘I am’ Such an amazing lesson in consciousness searching and to find out “who am I?” The I behind the ego, behind these photos, behind my skin, what lies deep within these layers of externalized matter? It brings such peace tuning into that. The amazing thing I have found with age-- at least within myself is that my cares have lessened with time. My tattoos tell my story, my words speak from who I truly am, I don’t seek approval like I did when I was younger. Instead I admire those who admire me, I give time to those who give time to me. I love and give and continue to be whole I just focus on what is the most important. As people, we’re too hard on ourselves. I have met the most beautiful women who found themselves unattractive. I’ve met the most amazing men with wonderful souls who have told me they were scared to approach me. I have found artists scared to show their work, activists afraid to share their opinions, and moms afraid to raise their kids wrong. The problem is that we sharpen ourselves against others instead of realizing the only person you’re competing with is ‘Yester-YOU’. Time is absolutely fleeting and yet so many of us spend it wishing we could be more like someone else, seeing photos of people with the ideal body on instagram, mimicking the Kardashian’s fake beauty techniques, pounding muscle milk, checking in at the gym. But when do we stop to work on ourselves from the inside out? And not for likes, not for attention, but because we purely want to grow and how amazing does it feel to make those soulful gains! I want to mention that the most amazing moments I have shared in 2017 are not the ones in which I have sat on my phone, they aren’t the ones that I’ve seen a status update and liked it they are the moments where I have hugged someone and felt their heart beat against mine, the moment when I wrote my step dad a card and  he cried because he loves me that much, the moment when I felt I truly made my parents proud this year, the moment that I heard my sister was buying a house and accomplishing her dreams, the moment where my cat meowed for 30 mins because she just wanted to be snuggled, the photos I saw of my friend adopting an abused animal, the moment I saw women standing up for themselves in regards to the de-funding of planned parenthood. I read something the other day that was so small and yet so impacting. This author wrote “it’s nothing the changes you make in your year that will change your life, it’s the changes you make to your daily routine to not get comfortable doing the same things” and I truly agree. This is where the big changes happen. The choices we make daily and what they add up to. So remember, going into this new year. Social media likes don’t define you, the opinions of others don’t define you, happiness is a choice, and love is an intention. Go forth EVERYDAY wanting more! Strive for more and realize only you can make your life the life you dream up. The difference between dreaming and doing is knowing and manifesting these things into reality.

Love you all so much.

Virtual hugs! 

-D

[danni--nicole]

It’s all YOU

Time escapes me. I turn around and a year has passed me by. My previous struggles are suddenly memories. Another chapter that the page has rapidly turned on and here we wait, with love in our hearts and possibly a fluffy friend by our side with meows of encouragement. I realized as of recent that I analyze a lot. I look at the makeup of everything. In meeting new people and sharing new experiences we begin to realize our differences, the barriers we create, how our up-bringing can create turbulence in a connection. Yet, far too often we forget that we are all here coexisting in this YOUniverse and everything is made up of YOUness. That’s what I’ll call it for now. A reflection that can be seen in any person you come across. The most beautiful people I’ve met in my short life but long story are the ones who have experienced great loss, trauma, or hurt. Though, I feel when walking through life, even if we walk timidly, hurt, it meets us like a ride on the subway. It picks you. I don’t believe anyone truly chooses hurt; I digress, I think all of us to some degree enjoy inflicting a bit of pain as it’s a reminder we are ALIVE. I myself like that feeling, the feeling of life rushing through my veins, adventure, meeting people and making them smile. This world we’re living in, it’s become rather cold and it has little to do with climate change. Some of us invoke thought and expression and are constantly wandering and questioning everything. When the one question we forget to ask ourselves is “who am I?” Which when presented back to the mind it feels like a new question every time. This impression we create of who we actually are verses what we truly are becomes convoluted. Our environment has this way of creating a false reality and pulling us into the external. The chaos; the loudness; the drama; the restless anxiety. When you finally turn down all this outside noise that becomes about as loud as a Sliptknot concert, we there find this sense of understanding. We are all of it. Everything is you and you are everything. Every character flaw that we recognize in someone else is likely subconsciously buried but still resides right there inside of us. It’s amazing how it all simplifies from there. This sense of purpose that we long for and search for in everything else all around us, this constant chase down the rabbit hole. The ending to this spiral is that it’s all YOU, do YOU, be YOU, reflect on YOU and realize it is all YOU.

With a loving heart and a questionable mind

-D

[danni--nicole]

So it was it

I’ve paced back and forth many times in my life, perhaps my anxiety is fierce, or maybe I’m just alive. That night, the one with the small white stick and the plus sign at the end walking anxiously and desperately back and forth. It stands out i my mind as it was a moment that changed my life forever. The months that followed immersed in shopping for tiny socks, tiny outfits and making room for the new smell of a new person. Though a sense of loss was present whether I wanted it to be or not. The old me was facing her sudden demise. My old ways, my old thoughts, habits, spending or otherwise. With each passing day; moment even, it became about me plus another tiny me. The excitement was overwhelming, intoxicating. I was scared enough to sweat over if I would be enough? Was I good enough, could I provide a good life for this little person, would I be a good mother, would my child grow up to be something magnificent. The anticipation nearly ate away at me from the inside out. Suddenly, it was all washed away. Drowned by the unexpected happenings that came to follow. A test that could provide my daughter, my sweet baby girl, she could have a chromosomal disease. But how? I was healthy, I was normal, I was stable, no one had issues in my family! How, and why, and what do I do? Could this be happening? Suddenly a complete loss of control. Everything spiraling. The reminder that I am truly human and some things are painfully out of my control no matter how tight my grasp. So, we embarked to journey. I would take the tests, search for better doctors. Get answers. Ask questions. Do research. I would refuse the amnio for fear that I would lose my possibly healthy baby over a needle punctured into my stomach, only to prove that they were wrong-and they were. My daughter, this little tiny being, developing in my wound. A blood test proved they were wrong. She did not have T18. The chromosomal disease that one cannot survive from, that babies pass prior to birth or within months after. It’s true. My baby, she was healthy, and here I was walking on egg shells for 8 months all because of a false positive. A test no one truly described to me, a test that had a high percentage of false positives, a test which was supposed to be for down syndrome, a test that was pushed on me by a government funded health clinic. That thereafter forced me to go to a genetic specialist who the encouraged me to have an abortion, or to take a test that could’ve terminated my pregnancy. All the while I had a perfectly healthy baby growing inside of me. I left the blood test, I had my proof, I had clarity. I sat in my car and called my mother who was 4 hours away from holding my hand. I sobbed, tears pouring down my face like an April’s rain. A brick lifted from my chest. My sweet daughter, the one with all the tiny things would have a future. She could grow up, wear the frilly dresses. Dress in a bunny costume at Halloween. Eventually date. Or wait, no, not til she’s married. The news that followed though, it’s hard to share. It aches me to the core because my baby girl, she doesn’t have a future you see. I became very ill. The contractions they started, then they stopped, then she stopped moving, wait? Did she move? Was that a kick? “Should I go to the hospital I’m not feeling much movement” “That can happen at the end of your pregnancy, the baby doesn’t have much room during contractions”. So I waited. I waited. Then it was too late. I got there, they checked me in. Then it happened. An ultra sound with no heart beat. My worst fear confirmed. She was gone, nine months and one moment later. My entire future vanished in the blink of an eye. Nineteen hours of wishing it were a lie, several pushed pamphlets on my lap later. Several epidurals that did not work, and an immense amount of pain later. There she was, my girl. Sophia. Bleeding out, gone, limp, lifeless. Beautiful none the less. The first and last day I would see my daughter, hold her, touch her lips, photograph her tiny hands. The first and last time she would be in my arms. To me, stillbirth did not happen in the 1800′s, it happened two years ago. It happened to me, it happened to my family. It was real. It affects myself and over 26,000 other mothers in the US alone. Flowers are lovely but they do not bring someone back to life.

[danni--nicole]

On transitions

This “life article” has been a long times in the works.

I’ve been writing in my head incessantly, simply forgot the paper and pen. In fact some days lately I’ve just forgotten to do anything. Lost a sense of who “I am”. I forgot to live, and be, to open my eyes remembering to look at the sky and be grateful for all that is. You see, these monumental life transitions, the skipping from one chapter to the next tends to make us a bit dizzy. Reminds me a lot of those times as a child when you sat in the computer chair while your friend spun the chair round and round, stumbled off and fell the the ground. That’s my analogy for the present moment, and I’m simply picking myself off the ground. We get off track and lose our focus, our sense of purpose. Then one day you wake up and realize “this is no who I am”. I am MORE than this. When you finally turn inward and immerse yourself in the feeling of who you actually are, you feel your spirit again and you remember I am here to do something. Us humans though, we interpret “purpose” as a constant when actually it is ever evolving, your purpose could change on a daily basis-even by the moment. It is all circumstantial. We have the ability the affect people in different ways on a daily basis, from a smile to a wise piece of advice. Sometimes another person just needs you to reach out and give them a hug-heart to heart, and that just so happened to be your purpose for the day. My favorite physical human experience is goosebumps. I’ve had a few profound experiences lately that have sparked them. I had the opportunity to speak to a woman who lost her son who is my age to cancer. Our conversation brought her to tears and my body was covered in goosebumps. It felt so fulfilling. To just talk to someone, and for your words to impact them. To feel a sense of healing between two people who have experienced great loss. And that was only my divine purpose that day. Giving and receiving. We get caught up in ideas, what’s expected of us, what the norm is, and forget that the norm is only what we create. What we create in the present moment and how we choose to live. That there is no actual right and wrong, there is only perception. You perceive yourself, your own being, then you project. Project what you think is right, hold yourself to the standard at which you think you need to live up to. At which point do we give ourselves a break? Do we allow everything to just pleasantly be, come and go, laugh and smile, accept everything just as it is, as it is actually perfect. It is all so very perfect. Yet we try to change ourselves, try to control the life happenings. And with this lack of control comes great suffering. The “what ifs” “whys” and so forth. Based on the attachment to an idea, what we thought we should be doing, or where we thought our life would be. But it isn’t. I encourage you to let go, to realize it is all good. That everything you are experiencing in the present is simply a reminder you are alive--the good the bad, the tumultuous times. It is all perfect. You are whole. Nothing is actually missing, even if it feels that way. Everything is exactly as it should be. Give yourself peace.

Much love,

D

[danni--nicole]

“Lay your heart on me”

It’s been a while since I sat down to project another soulful life article. I sit here hair soaking wet, in my black shirt and lazy shorts. Here I come to bid farewell to a confusing and long chapter of my colorful and ever evolving life, with appreciation. We mourn; moments, memories, people, and the loss of these things and even the loss of the idea of what they “could’ve” been. But one thing is certain. You are EXACTLY where you should be. You might not know so, but the universe does and with divine purpose has dropped you into whatever moment you are the current spectator of. Enjoy it. Breathe it all in. I extract these words from a battered heart, a tired brain, a hopeful smile I carry everywhere I go. With love and understanding that in spite of whatever is happening or will happen I will live a beautiful fulfilling life, because I choose to do so. I have had many “passer by’s” take a brief glimpse into my eyes and tell me I am an old soul, “you’ve been here quite a while”. Maybe I have. I feel I’ve done most of this all before, yet it all feels new. I never stop learning. I’ve labeled this article “Lay your heart on me” as this is the core of my thoughts lately. A desire to meet a human, rather; meet human(s) that come into my life and there is a mutual understanding that I can lay my heart on them and equally they can do so with me. Life, love, commitment and any form of relationship is intimidating. When surrounded by masked people it becomes hard to see the truth. And I have never been one to half ass lay my heart on the line. It is all or nothing. Love to me is the most beautiful, raw, emotional, passionate thing. And when you truly feel that in any context or relationship you just want to give it your all. You want to allow that electricity to consume your mind and replenish your soul. It’s a rarity. In some ways love seems like the ghost that passes in the night, whispering sweet nothings from the shadows of minor light beams from the outdoor streets. We merely observe, feel--but love is never logical. We just immerse ourselves in it entirely hoping that it doesn’t sting us later. And if it does, like salt water in a wound well hell! It was worth it I should think. For better to jump in the waters with clothes on then never jump at all. Risk it all. Fuck it all. That’s just how I’m feeling. In consciousness we’d say that is how “I am” feeling. I am not actually the doer I am merely on the outside looking in. Who I truly am questions not; it only allows and lives beautifully in that. Back to the merry go round. I go. Grateful, honest, raw, bare. Hoping for the best, smiling through the worst. But never giving up the hope to find beauty, love, and understanding in this world. That not all hope is lost. Keeping my cup full with positivity, and manifestation. For a good today but an even better tomorrow.

Hopeful D

[danni--nicole]

Losing the sense of human in human interaction

The following text means something to me. I have been going through a phase, rather; I go through phases. I’ve been in a drought when it comes to art and writing. This happens to me when I go through periods of depression. And maybe I’ve been feeling that way. It’s all part of the life cycle. These transitions between where we were to where we are today. Life has dropped us here, in this moment, whether it be good or bad; melancholy or filled with joy. It just is. When I find the time, motivation, and love to put words in written form...they mean something to me. They speak directly from my heart, they come from who I truly am. No makeup is put on these words to make them look better. So this life article is titled “losing the sense of human in human interaction”, and that is because that is how I have been feeling lately, towards both people and interactions. We are living in a world of distractions: technology, television, phones, social media traps, the internet as a whole. And while it is a great way to connect and stay in contact it’s also a way to disconnect from what is real. That is not my real point, but it is valid none-the-less. My point is that I’ve come across many people, and maybe it is South Florida or maybe it is the world and what we as people are becoming; so many of these people are dehumanizing being human. People who treat each other as objects, people who treat each other as a temporary fix, people who only associate with others to see what they can get from them. Now this relates to both romantic relationships and non-sexual relationships alike. I have never chosen to interact like this. And for that I have had my heart broken a billion times, and the future for me holds many more heart breaks--willingly, GLADLY. I revel in the heartache for it gives me something others don’t have: REALNESS. True raw emotion, and the braveness that comes from showing that raw and real human emotion with no care of the world slapping me in the face. Sadly, this day and age human interactions aren’t valued. It’s easier for people to walk away than take responsibility, it’s easier for people to walk to another yard for the grass is greener there than to simply water the grass they have. It’s easier for people to put on a facade of what they want people to see, then be real. Because being REAL can lead to judgement. Bottom line is we are becoming very weak as a species, we are allowing people to tell us that if we cry we are weak, that if we show emotion we are CRAZY. Honesty is forbidden because it could hurt someones feelings, and lies are easier to tell because it allows us to not take responsibility. We are losing ourselves; losing ourselves to ideas of what we think we should be, who we think we should or shouldn’t care about, scared to feel, scared to be REAL. And goddamn it! That is sad. Sad enough that you walk by someone you knew for years of your life and they don’t even say hi. They just pretend they never knew you. When did being human, feeling raw emotions, valuing each other go out of style? Did I not get the memo?? When did associating with someone you care about become an inconvenience? Because that is how it feels these days. We are all so hung up in these alternate universes that we forget to really give a shit about what is real, & the real people that are around us. So, I’m bringing a thought to the table for this ending week: let’s bring value back into human interactions and not take them so lightly, not treat people as if they are simply replaceable. Can we not be afraid to feel, be afraid to keep it real, be afraid to show true emotion, to be HUMAN. As it turns out, whether society tells you to or not--you make the decisions for yourself. If you are going to love, love deeply. If you are going to feel sad, feel it, allow it. Take off the mask, put aside the judgement and remember to value the people in your life, because time is short. Lastly--don’t forget to value yourself, and validate your feelings in spite of other peoples reaction to them. It’s okay to be vulnerable, to feel very deeply in this short stint of time on Earth we were blessed with.

Love always,

D

[danni--nicole]

Unpredictability

I had this talk with my boyfriend the other night. It was a bit teary eyed. It’s amazing how strong a person can be, yet we all go through these brief periods of vulnerability. Sometimes all these things that we’ve been hiding away in our emotional closet comes pouring out when we least expect it like spring cleaning when you rid yourself of aged clothing. Sensitive Sally is this girl I become. I myself can be a bit rough around the edges my emotional baggage has become heavier with time, maybe even with age. Some situations are entirely out of our control, and others are rooted from shit decisions. I’ve had my fair share of both. I’ve always been a bit rebellious, a bit caged. Though “despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage”, right? Yet the sensitive side of me still remains, I remain highly empathic to others emotions, highly sensitive to certain situations and happenings even when I desire to be completely detached.

     Needless to say, we all come to these points in our life. I’m at a pivotal point now, I just feel it in my bones. For some reason where I’m at feels very transitional. Even though I own my home, have lived in the same place for quite a while, have a steady job and a long term relationship. Isn’t it funny how none of that truly affects our state of mind. Or--it does at times but not always. Sometimes the growth has nothing to do with anything or anyone but you. I just feel fucking restless. Like I should be doing more, more what though? I don’t know, saving the world, making a difference, having more of a positive influence. Just cravings I guess. Cravings for that and chocolate, per usual. Then I am constantly slapped in the face with unpredictable events. Oh yes, if this year has taught me anything it’s that quite literally--I don’t know shit about shit. Because we do this thing where we plan, even if it’s just a day dream of what the future could hold even tomorrow; what tomorrow will bring. And then tomorrow comes and most of these ideas fade into the oblivion that they were initially resurrected from. In some cases this leaves us in a state of disarray, left empty and confused. In others these ideas are put to rest and we become accepting of an even more positive outcome than our initial dream state. Crazy how these things pan out. I say crazy because it can leave even the most intelligent and logical people in a state of questioning everything. It makes you realize that a thought is merely an idea, a hypothesis, nothing yet proven.

      We dance along to the music of life even when it’s not our tune or we lack rhythm. I’m white, what can I say? LOL. Sometimes it takes our breath away, it aches our hearts, it stirs our souls, it excites us. Though, not always. Lately these unpredictable moments have left me hiding under my covers. “No life, not now, I need a break”. You want to occasionally pinch yourself like “is this real?!” I guess it’s only real if you decide it is. When you get consumed by the illusion. The illusion of what is. What is it really though?

A constant lesson of accepting the unpredictability.

#Life

-D

[danni--nicole]

Fuck you anyway...

[danni--nicole]

Words left unsaid

Life. Life is one crazy son of a bitch, that is what I’m coming to realize. And by coming to realize what I mean is this year has back handed me in the face repeatedly, but honey I look good with bruises, wink! In my mind I picture this idea of life like so: there’s this girl in a car, the car a bit tattered from several road trips across the country, and it scoots along. This trip “Life” we’ll call it is a trip through the mountains but this tiny beat up little point A to B car, it’s on the verge of running out of gas (red light glaring her in the eyes). The girl she smiles at the skies on the down slopes, no gas necessary you’re nearly rolling down hill. The down hills are the good times, the unscathed times--those remaining drama free and nothing but childish smiles, lust, love, thought. Then you know the mountain it takes its usual upward turn and here you are pushing this damn beat up piece of crap up a mountain. Here’s the catch though...these bad times, these uphill back to car pushing times, they come and they go. And the next time you wind up in the unfortunate but inevitable uphill phase your arms then show these amazing muscles, and as time progresses they grow stronger and stronger. That girl that once went converse to asphalt skidding down, back to car, soles ripping, sweat dripping, tumbling straight down. Now she stands tall, wipes that black residue off her knees and points the middle finger to the sky “Yeah, keep em’ comin!”

These are self reflections.

Life it stings, yeah it stings like a horrible bitch. One that rips your heart out and “accidentally” backs over it. You begin questioning everyone--everything. All of it. Cool. I’m growing, I’m no hero, to some people I am no one. Just a name on a page, a face forgotten, “somebody that they used to know”... We sway, we glide, we learn how to let it go. How to smile, smile hard like you really mean it. A smile that with age gives you wrinkles. So even the people who want to steal a part of you when they go you smile back and they realize no piece of you could be stolen. There will never be collateral damage. I won’t allow it. When you smile from the soul, no one can deny it. Because rarely do we look at someone and see right through them to their truest self. I try my hardest to show my true self as much as possible. To never let societies shitty ideas on what love should be like, what life should be like, what choices we should make, hinder my idea on my happiness and personal freedom. No one can clip those wings. With our interactions--you could know someone for a decade that you don’t truly know, then meet someone tomorrow for the first time and feel like you’ve known them forever. And maybe, you even walked through another life with them. You can see it in their eyes. Whether they know they know you, you know you know them. You’ve been here before, gazed into those eyes, felt that soul before. So here I am today doing an observation of the obstacles, the crazy repeat obstacle I’ve run into; the worlds left unsaid.

Fucking silence will kill you. I know this because someone so close to me died recently. And I still write to him thinking one day he’ll respond. Though, I’m not crazy enough to think so, but these words left unsaid they haunt me. They crawl under my skin. Here’s where the sting comes back, open cut while in a bathing suit washed over by salt water. God damn that shit stings! Silence. So I write my thoughts down, for fear of being silent, for fear that one day someone will wish they could hear my words but I will be gone. These are all that will be left of me. Yet still, there are people in my life now that I have words in my heart to share with them and they remain left unsaid. How crazy is that? Fear takes the wheel and steers. I just wish I could get rid of these words unsaid. They haunt me.

I hate you, I love you, fuck you, you piss me off, I’m disappointed, I miss you, I thought things were different, I thought I could trust you, I thought I knew you, I thought you knew me.

-Fuck you

-Fuck me

Just to name a few.

These words left unsaid...

-D

[danni--nicole]

“One man can change the world”

Words--they resonate. They hold a certain vibration, they linger, even give you goosebumps. Sometimes they speak directly to your soul; not this shell of a person you think you are. They can be used as weapons even. Weapons of mass emotional destruction. It’s funny because I’ve lost a lot of people this year but their words never fade away, they stay right where they need to be--in my heart and with my spirit. I labeled this passage of passing thoughts “One man could change the world” because in truth I think we all change the world every day, we just might be too preoccupied to notice. Depending upon the intention behind our actions, the feeling behind the words, the love behind the expression is the essence we leave behind. Most of us feel insignificant, we are merely an observer to those in magazines, those with money, those with a name well known. We seem to forget the imprint we leave behind when we walk this earth, the impression we leave by sharing loving words to someone having a bad day, the strong emotion that comes from hugging a person deeply and feeling their sense of life--another beating heart. I experienced this over this past weekend, I shared a moment with my beautiful mother and sisters. We sat at a table of tea, my mom beaming with joy at us all being together (this becoming rather hard as we all grow and evolve, procreate, work etc etc), we shared thoughts, and some of her most loved memories that meant so much to her. Mainly from the days when we were very young and it was just us girls as she was single. When this stopped I looked at my sister and her eyes were heavy with alligator tears. Suddenly we all were. We all just looked at each other and tears lightly streamed down the faces of each of us. I think each of us for different reasons. It was nostalgic, it was emotional, it was hard, it was a brief period of self-reflection. I thought of my baby girl that I never got to be a mother to, who left far too soon. I thought of holding her in my arms and the little person she would be today and that I was sad she wasn’t with us. I thought of how far we have come--as a family, and individually. At times you just want to stop the clock. You just want to be still in the now, but people age, we grow, we evolve and time seems to speed up. Maybe we even speed up to catch up with it, and life becomes a bit of a jog. You feel if you blink for too long you might miss something. At least I do. You don’t realize but you are changing the world. Your energy is affecting others around you, whether it be negative or positive. Your words, they linger. Your touch, it comforts. Your conversations, they resonate. All it takes is one person to change the world, and you are doing it everyday by simply“being”. So it’s a choice the footprint that you leave on Earth, on peoples hearts, in peoples lives. You can change the world, even when you’re gone your essence doesn’t fade, your spirit continues and lives on through others, through memories and through energy that never dies. So if one man can change the world, how are you going to change it? For better or for worse? Do you commit to being the change? No time like the present to make small but monumental changes to the world around us. Never doubt your presence and its significance.

With love,

D