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INDEFINITE HIATUS; find me @dvostiia.
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*actively hurting my own feelings* i honestly donโ€™t understand why i feel bad
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โ€œThey donโ€™t know your true advantage, when you live for someone youโ€™re prepared to die.โ€
Iโ€™ve had alot of pearl feels left over from the last stevenbomb so i channeledย  them all into this. I can only hope iโ€™ll be able to survive the next one.
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โ€œโ€”weโ€™re small and / flawed, but I want to be / who I am, going where / Iโ€™m going, all over again.โ€
โ€” Ada Limรณn, Bright Dead Things; โ€œThe Problem With Travelโ€
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I took this picture of a rose in the park and the colors reminded me of a John William Waterhouse painting โ™ฅ
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(โ€ฆ) I feared more the death of others. I did not want to lose them, and I worried about them while they were alive. Sometimes, I think that I concerned myself so much with the possibility of their loss that I never truly took pleasure in the fact of their existence.
John Connolly, from The Book Of Lost Things (via adrasteiax)
#[[ ever since the war. Beforehand she had no concept of death per se. No desire to strive against her potential shattering or#fear rejuvenation. Why would she? She had no friends. No relationships. Just her purpose & the desire to fulfill it. Up until everything#changed. Up until Ignorance was no longer bliss. Up until her first few comrades were shattered on the battlefield#up until the reality of losing Rose or being rejuvenated became so unbearable to her that she fought tooth & nail to protect#what little she had been able to claim for herself. I feel like people underestimate the impact the rebellion had not only on Earth#but also on the very Gems that participated. Pearl suddenly developed a fear of shattering in addition to dreading the mere#concept of rejuvenation. Something she simply accepted as necessary & 'no big deal' beforehand. But now?? Losing your sense of#identity? All your memories & progress ? Ye a h. I know Peridot jokingly said that 'she would lose her character development' in the movie#but it's a real & horrible thought for all the rebelling Gems. Just how death suddenly has weight to it#& that kind of weight is heavy. Moreso after Bismuth's 'death'. Pearl grows extremely unsettled after it. To the point where she willingly#allows herself to be persuaded by Rose regarding the fae shattering. She was devastated. Emotionally agitated & just so tired of fighting /#losing people. hwfegzwefgzuwegfuewgf it's a very very complex topic tbh & I will write about it eventually but ... yeah#Pearl developing a fear of death. Not of her own? She didn't really value her own life up until Rose told her that she dreamt#but the death of her comrades & loved ones. I am rambling again I know but... boy that's such an important thing to keep in mind ]]#i. ย ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป.#q.#// long tags
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.???
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ย  ย  ย โ€œI donโ€™t mean to be nosy but could you do that just one more time? Iโ€™ve never seen such a technique beforeโ€ฆโ€ ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย  ย โ™ก @dansiereโ€‹
โœฉโ‹† . TO BE IN THE CENTER OF [SHORT-LIVED] ADMIRATION / POSSESSING SKILLS NOT SEEN BY MANY; why yes, a certain kind of bafflement on otherโ€™s end was to be expected / ever one to resort to rather unorthodox techniques after all. Deem them a result of different abilities amassed over centuries; still a knightย / dancer / fencer, first & foremost. Ah, but remember: variation had only been applied to work around physical insufficiencies; indeed, there was no point in denying that much. -- perhaps it made her a more efficient teacher in the end.ย 
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ย  ย  ย โ€œGladly!โ€ tone rather jaunty; clearly animated by the very prospect / falling back into battle stance, procuring a simple steel sabre with a single flick of her wrist. โ€œ-- though I might need you to be a tad more specific.โ€
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its about time i drew her againย 
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thereโ€™s nothing quite as black and white as you.
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โ€œThe day broke around me like a cool dream. Sea; sand; a sky that melts into the sea โ€” a landscape of misty pastels with a look about it being continuously on the point of melting.โ€
โ€” Angela Carter, from The Bloody Chamber in โ€œThe Bloody Chamber And Other Storiesโ€
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underrated intimacy: putting your foreheads together
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.Sapphire
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โ› Itโ€™s only natural to worry about her, Pearl. Thatโ€™s apart of loving someone, Iโ€™ve learned. Just as she worries about you and if youโ€™ll make it through the next battle. Sometimes, itโ€™s better to simply look towards life after all of this. Give yourself something to look forward to, something else to fight for.โœ
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โœฉโ‹† . โ€œyou sound just like her.โ€ย cue a pauseย โ€“ย โ€˜twas a statement briskly made / perhaps a tad too impulsive; tone haunted by some involuntary tremble. -- yet again rueful, almost / merely intoned to clandestinely apologize for her outburst / this impromptu sincerity she ought to usually suppress. Oh say, why wouldn't you dream of a brightย future lying ahead instead? Remember what dearest Rose once said: (y)ours to graspย if you would only stop worrying [if you would only stop sacrificing yourself! EASIER SAID THAN DONE].ย 
ย  ย  ย โ€œI know exactly what to look forward to but you -- you canโ€™t possibly get what it means to...โ€ trailing off, half-lidded stare cast aside. โ€œ-- Ruby would understand.โ€
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