It breaks my heart to think that someday you will mean all the things you said to me. You will keep all the promises you made. You will be respectful and kind. But all this won’t be for me. It will be for her. You’ll give her everything I ever wanted.
So my sisters not coming home tonight so I'm able to sleep in her room. Well the light switch that controls the 1 set of lights in her room isn't in the room, no. It's the switch that's on the wall next to the bathroom 🤦♂️ This set of lights I'm talking about are like string lights that go halfway around her room that give you a little light, perfect for when you're about to fall asleep. Well I'm scrolling on here, smoking a cigarette, when I hear my moms bedroom door open and whoever walked out went to the bathroom. When they came out..they turned off the switch, leaving me in total darkness 😂🤦♂️ had to use the flashlight on my phone to find my way to the other light to turn it on 😂😂
Maybe it's that you fell out of love when you thought I did bc I am still hopelessly and madly in love with you. Have been the whole entire time. And now I find myself in this weird limbo of trying so hard to still be your best friend, all the while it feels like I am being repeatedly stabbed in the chest. I will think to myself : "this can work, we can stay friends" but then I accidentally look over at you and see your phone screen - stabbed. You bring up adventures with them - stabbed. I'm told by others you thought about how the wedding is gonna be, already - double stabbed. I go on FB just to go through my memories and a post is right on top - stabbed. And the worst part is, I can keep going. But I am trying so hard to be your friend and I continue to be stabbed over and over praying to the gods that I will fall out of love with you soon so it can stop hurting so much. But I'm still waiting for that day to come. I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot and I was the one to do all this to him, things wouldn't be like this. I don't think he'd be able to sit there and take it and want to still be there for me. I feel like if I was the one to break up with him and get engaged 2 days later, he would block me. Tell me to fuck myself and dissappear. I've seen him do that to a few people lately since he started to stand up for himself. I am trying..I really am. I just don't know how many more times I can be cut until I bleed out.
I just fucked up the one thing that was going right in my life I’m fucking devastated why the fuck am i like this i hate these fucking mood swings and the voices in my head are getting more evil with me fuck i just wanna die
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