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Before the Crash {Self Para}

Gaudy. Tacky. Unfinished. Trashy. The words swam circles through Campbell’s mind as she stared blankly at the ceiling of her trailer. The aging, dingy ceiling. Her mother’s voice ricocheted from every nook and cranny, filling her with even more overwhelming anxiety. Disappointment. Failure. Disgrace. Embarrassment. The words kept coming, growing in number and showing no signs of relenting. A cold sweat broke out across Campbell’s forehead, and she lifted an ivory wrist to wipe it swiftly away. Turning onto her side, she drew her knees to her chest and closed her eyes, doing her best to convince herself that she was fine. After all, it had only been 7 hours since she’d last righted herself- last given in to temptation; given in to release. Her stomach lurched as the seemingly never ending loop in her brain shifted into a new backdrop. This time, instead of hyper-focusing on the downfalls of her new environment, she found herself staring down the man who had upended her entire life- the man who had stolen everything from her, and then some. 

Screams filled Campbell’s ears, fogging her mind and only further tightening the ever-present knot in her body’s core. She could feel herself struggling against now invisible restraints, her own choked screams devolving into sobs as she fought the against the thought that there was nothing she could do. Clasping a hand over her mouth, She did her best to muffle a wail, knowing the walls of the trailer surrounding her were only paper-thin. Taking in a breath, Campbell had only a moment to lean herself over the side of her bed before emptying the meager contents of her stomach into the wastebasket beside her. Spitting, she ran the back of her hand across her lips, panting as she reached for the bottle of water resting beside her. “Goddamn it!” She screamed, her voice echoing in the silence around her. 

Shaking hands reached for the top drawer of her nightstand, fumbling through the mostly-empty space until her fingers landed on the cool silk of a small, zippered purple bag. Pulling the parcel from its previous home, Campbell attempted to steady herself enough to open it, succeeding with a smile before pulling an unlabeled bottle from the small darkness. Twisting the cap, she closed one eye, peeking into the small circular opening, counting her stock. “Shit...” She muttered, tipping the remaining contents into an open palm. Two pills. Placing the pills as carefully as possible onto her nightstand, she pulled a knife from the still-open drawer, trembling as she placed one flattened side against the pills. In a small dance of twisting pressure until they were crushed into nothing more than powder, Using the knife’s sharpened edge, she guided the loose particles expertly into two glittering white lines, she deposited the knife back into the drawer before plugging one nostril and leaning forward.

Inhaling the powder provided a delicious, near-instant rush. Almost immediately, her hands ceased their trembling, and her stomach finally began to relax. Tipping her head back, Campbell sighed contentedly, shaking her head before closing the pouch and returning it to its home, slamming the drawer shut after. Standing, she ran her fingers through her hair and her hands over her top, attempting to collect herself before reaching into her purse. Pulling a crisp $50 bill from its front pocket, Cam slipped her feet quickly into a pair of flip-flops and made her way out of her trailer, heading towards the trailer of one Reg, the concessions guy.

[darkdancercam]

Another day, another stop, another town. I’d heard that at some point, they all begin to blend together. I suppose I’ve reached that point. I don’t have much else to say at the moment, but if anyone wants to provide some company, I wouldn’t be opposed. 

[darkdancercam]

richie-theloser-tozier​:

Richie lay on the ground, sighing a bit. He hadn’t been at the carnival very long, but the place felt like home already, but the pressure of keeping up his act of comedy during his dangerous stunts was something he could do without. It didn’t matter how many times he told himself that every night would be different, and the crowd wouldn’t grow tired of his jokes, he still couldn’t stop his mind from taking over. As he lay there, sprawled out in the middle of nowhere, he tried to search for some inspiration for some new jokes. “Maybe I could just talk about my life.” He thought out loud to himself, “That’s one giant fuckin’ joke right there.” A small chuckle left his lips, slightly rolling his eyes at himself. 

After an hour of trying to search for something, he finally gave up. It was apparent that today he wasn’t going to get anywhere with his inspiration, and he would have to be okay with that. He sat up, blue hues glancing over to the first person he saw walking by, “Hey, you. What makes you laugh?”

@carnivalimportant​

** It had been quite the day, and to say Campbell was beyond tired would be an understatement. She’d been practicing hard, working diligently at perfecting her first tightrope performance, so that she’d be ready for opening night in this new town. Still, even perfecting the most basic of routines was proving to be a little difficult, especially sober. Her thoughts ran amok, wreaking havoc on her mental state and ability to focus. The transition into a new town was always a bit precarious, and it seemed no matter how hard she tried to divvy out her stash, to plan for the couple of days it usually found her to locate what she needed, it never seemed to work out. When it came to that, her self-control seemed to be at a minimum these days. Most of the time, she was just shocked to still be standing. 

Cam’s legs felt like lead weights as she trekked across the plot of land they’d stopped on, her eyes scanning the maze of trailers and tents, seeking out the man she knew only as Reg, hoping he was holding something that might be able to hold her over. As she passed by a more open area, she heard what seemed to be someone calling out. Turning, her eyes fell upon the figure of a man, laying in the grass. Furrowing her eyebrows, Cam allowed herself to be intrigued enough to approach, crossing her arms over her chest the closer she got. “Not much these days, if you’re looking for honesty. If you’d prefer a more generalized answer, one that might apply to a wider audience than just myself, I’d lean towards slapstick and physical comedy styles. Each day, my confidence that even the slightest bit of intelligence still exists within the general population wanes. So, all that metaphorical humor and those double-entendres seem lost on this current clientele. That’s just one woman’s opinion though. I’m Campbell. You must be new, I don’t recall seeing you around recently.”

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quitevexxxing​:

“Anything” is my specialty, sugar. And I hate the quiet too, yanno. Leaves too much room for the voices. 

Is that so? Well that’s...Really something. You’re quite interesting. Is this you saying you’d like to join me?

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It is far too quiet around here. If anyone wants to do anything, I’ll be in my trailer. 

[darkdancercam]

Starting in water has been the best place to learn.

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serialblaine​:

Has there ever been a more convincing argument? Oh, I think it could definitely help you reach that mark. Maybe we can head out after I’ve put you in danger for the sake of showmanship. 

Not one I can think of, that’s for certain. Good- I don’t do well not meeting goals. That sounds like a great reimbursement for the time, and ‘danger’. Though, fun fact, no way in hell would I offer myself up if I thought you weren’t good at what you’ve do. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing a couple of your routines. 

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quitevexxxing​:

You have no idea. You’re teasin’, that’s no fair. A girl that knows what she wants- I like that. I know all kindsa things I could call ya, gorgeous. Ooh, like gorgeous! 

Oh? Care to enlighten me? Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. No fair hmm? What might there be to do about that, I wonder? Good thing I always know what I like, then. You’ll be thoroughly impressed. Is that so? All kinds of things? We’ll definitely have to carve out some time, then. I want to hear them. Yes, just like that.

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adriansmellons​:

You could say that, yeah. It’s nice to meet you, Campbell. I’m happy to help any time, so just let me know. It’s the least I can do to earn my keep. How is it performing, anyway? I bet it’s wild.

Oh, and eager too. You really haven’t been here long. I mean, I’ve only been here a couple of months myself. Really, I’ve no room to talk. I take it you’re floating at the moment? It’s...Different. I mean, I’ve been performing my whole life but this particular type of performing has come with quite the learning curve. I like it, though. It’s...Freeing. I’m sure it has been. So, what are you looking to get out of being here?

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serialblaine​:

Any chance that one of you is feeling a little frisky tonight? If you’re looking to flirt with danger, so to speak, I’d love an assistant to rehearse a few new ideas for my act. I promise you can trust me so honestly the risk is slim to none, I’m a professional, after all. 

Eh, why not? I could use a little more excitement in my life. And, perhaps it’ll earn me enough points for you to share the name of that coffee joint?

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quitevexxxing​:

The only downside to livin’ the bohemian lifestyle like we do is that it gets real boring when everyone else is asleep. I think it’s a comparison thing, on account’a it bein’ so loud while everyone else is awake. Which one’a you mooks is gonna entertain this pretty lady, huh? Any takers?

Quite the observationalist, aren’t you? I may take you up on that challenge, though I’d much prefer Campbell over ‘mook’.

[darkdancercam]

adriansmellons​:

I should probably introduce myself, unless I was people to start making things up to call me. My name is Adrian, I’m the newest addition to the carnival, it seems. Right now I’m earning my keep as an assistant, so if you need anything let me know. 

Well, well. Aren’t you just fresh off the farm? I’m Campbell. I’m sure I can find several uses for you.

[darkdancercam]

Someone please tell me they’ve managed to find a halfway-decent coffee joint somewhere in town. I just don’t know how much more instant coffee I can take. Bonus points if said coffee shop also serves some form of croissant.