darktributary

[darktributary]

I made gruesome mistakes with you. Many. & I pay for them every day.

[darktributary]

Feels like I’m possibly finally growing into my potential. More to come.

[darktributary]

My motivations have been fleeting for ages. Will need to tap into younger self. That type of hope would be nice.

[darktributary]

Had a dream last night, that you had a child. And I briefly got to meet her.

Life is strange. We’re just out here on earth, living.

Time keeps passing. Only so much changes.

[darktributary]

Things have a lot of potential rn 🤷‍♂️

Me myself & I it’s been for a couple years now. Probably should have made more progress. It’s alright tho.

This time next year. 🤞🏼

[darktributary]

I haven’t felt like kms in a while, lol.

[darktributary]

Reflecting today. Prior to adulthood seems lifetimes ago. Quite a few eras since then, most of them extremely painful.

My next era is overdue.

[darktributary]

Desperate for something exciting. Just very stagnant. It feels overdue.

[darktributary]

Yuck.

I’m not where I want to be.

[darktributary]

Feelin lonely and hopeless ya feel.

Still holding out for a life more meaningful, things aren’t terrible for now (lol). I guess there is hope.

From the moment we broke up for real - A has been much further moved on than I have. Good for her. She convinced herself that I was not good for her, which, I don’t agree with but that’s just something I’ll have to accept. It’s been like 2 years.

I’m just lonely.

[darktributary]

Today is good so far!!

Both of these co-workers that have the ability to make me feel so low as to genuinely feel suicidal again -

I HAVE to keep reminding myself that they are podunk town women with some extremely small minded views on the world. They are nothing like me, these are not my people.

I need to calm down and stop letting such insignificant things bother me to such a debilitating degree.

No big head shit, I’m smarter than to let myself hurt so much.

[darktributary]

“U okay?”

“No but thanks for asking. I’m actually using every ounce of energy I have not to bash my head into the desk until it kills me”

*presses me about the severity of my answer*

“Go to hell you dumb bitch. You’re the reason my mom might come home from work today and find me hanging in the garage.”

- the diabolical conversations I’m having in my head rn. The ones that probably shouldn’t leave my head.

[darktributary]

I want to kill myself so fucking badly in this moment. Like my brain is pleading to find a way onto the roof and jump right off.

All because it feels like my coworkers are ignoring me / treating me like shit.

Emotions are crazy.

[darktributary]

Menage on my birthday, tap out on the first stroke.

[darktributary]

I feel ashamed reading back tumblr bc if a certain someone happened to read these posts, it might portray little growth from me.

Again, these are majorly my worst thoughts and feelings.

I’ve been depressed for over a decade. Much better at coping. More self control. Less erratic.

[darktributary]

Hoping not to join the 27 club…

No white lighters till I fuck my 28th up…

[darktributary]

*in the group chat*

Yo boys yall would be fine if I died right? Like you wouldn’t be completely devastated right? Like you know it’d be sad and all but it’s not like it would derail your life or anything?

Just gauging no reason