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[darlingdisfunctional]

so you are telling me that the prison of Aaravos is:

-in the crater where his daughter died

-In the lake that he created with his tears

- among the bones of his daughter

-modeled like his home

and we're surprised he went crazy?

[darlingdisfunctional]

Say what you will about Van Helsing 2004; hate it, love it, be indifferent, But the All-Hallow's masquerade ball went sooooo hard and it had zero right to do so! It's a fun, campy, monster mash movie with wonderfully dated ( and expensive) cgi and non-stop action meant to be a popcorn flick one takes out to watch around spooky season. And it has this* chef's kiss* GORGEOUS 6 minute sequence plopped arbitrarily in the second act, which unexpectedly surpasses nearly every other ball in the last 30+ years of film( notable exception being the Cinderella 2015 ball) for literally no reason other than to be dramatic af.

Like feast your eyes on this Gothic masterpiece!!! Who doesn't want to immediately live in this picture?!??

They used those candles with oil in them so that they would have real candles, real string orchestra( I believe), probably around 100 real life extras( something which is tragically absent in modern film), said extras are all in beautiful fully decked-out costumes( which are in luxuriously dark colours, but nearly no fully black, another thing you cannot say for much modern cinema), REAL CIRQUE DU SOLEIL PERFORMERS for all the acrobatics!!!! Hell, instead of filming in a sound stage, where they could control the reverb and the acoustics and the size of the set and the bloody lighting ( they apparently had a heck of a time emulating the firelight for this sequence) and the temperature( it's very cold in stone churches!) better, they filmed in a Baroque church in Prague! As I said, peak dramatic splendour, jfc...

Think about that a second...They filmed a vampire masquerade in a Baroque Catholic Church( St. Nicholas' in Lesser Town, if you were curious) with amazing over-the-top acoustics and marble statues and real, tiled floors and marble pillars and a choir loft which they very much utilized, covered the pipe organ and the altar with a grand brocade curtain so it wouldn't be so obviously a, you know, a church! And there's a gold gilt elevated and canopied pulpit into which they put two vampire kiddies for, again, the sake of being dramatic.

And the costumes! They remind me of the 25th anniversary Phantom of the Opera Masquerade costumes. Same quality, like they're old, well-cared-for costumes pulled out of a warehouse, instead of fast industry churn-outs. With lots of trim and colour and masks and lace and feathers and..just...ugh.. they are all perfect! Just look at all the head pieces on the ladies and the hats on all the gentleman ( save Dracula of course) and the powdered wigs on the musicians. ANNNNDD! The dresses are historically correct!!!!!! It's the 80's bustle era! Nobody does the 80's bustle era in film anymore and it's a bummer. Oh and one other thing! Anna's ( and other women's) hair, at least here in the ball, is also historically accurate because it's all pinned up! None of those fucken modern beachwaves at a ball! Everybody's got updo's!

Gah, I swear, Dracula in his gold cloak really does things to me in this scene!

By the way, the acrobatics are bonkers in here for just background stuff!! Especially the random guys on unicycles and the dude playing the violin whilst standing on a ball...Like....WHAT?

Anyways, all this to say, that this masquerade ball feels sooo real and tangible and because of that it blows every other film out of the water, and no, I will not change my mind!!!!!

Here's a few more gifs, bcuz, why the hell not, this scene is sexy as fuu*ck?

Alright I need to go to bed now.

[darlingdisfunctional]

Gomez and Morticia Addams got divorced. I woke up mortified and with a sense of inexplicable dread.

[darlingdisfunctional]

this is making me lose it

[darlingdisfunctional]

Jane: Says or does anything Guildford: 😍

[darlingdisfunctional]

A fic called "The Past Travels" where it's soap ajd Ghost being retired, but one day an RPG blows through their wall (thankfully they were working in the gatden outside)

Turns out someone had a vendetta against them, and had spent the last 15 years tracking them and blah blah (the usual)

Tbh I just want the achy old men back in the business, they're efficient, don't bother with the theatrics anymore. They work perfectly together, communicate with a single look. They're old, and bloody, they need a hand to get back up after stabbing someone in the throat

[darlingdisfunctional]

Hey weird question but I’m fucking a bracket and one of the characters is Jesus is it okay if I use a pic of yours for it?

You're fucking a what and you want to what

[darlingdisfunctional]

A really random Batfamily HC I like to think about is Dick winning the Olympics a few years ago, never telling anyone, and all hell breaking loose when they find out.

Jason: You did not win gold in the Olympics.... Say sike, right now.

Dick: I'm not saying sike. I did win.

Tim: How? You're too famous, you'd be recognized!

Bruce: And more importantly, what about your secret identity?!

Dick: I wore a prosthetic nose, and entered under a fake name.

Stephanie: Do you have proof of that? And maybe a picture of that nose by any chance?

Dick: It was broadcast on television in over two hundred countries, I'm sure you could find it pretty easy.

Bruce: Back to the fake name-

Dick: It wasn't hard to make an alias, I just did what we do for undercover jobs.

Tim: You used my program without telling me!

Dick: I asked! You said I could.

Tim: I did? Ohhh...yeah, now that you mention it I think I vaguely remember you saying something about going to England and needing a new ID a few years ago.

Jason: You did all of that, just to...perform? Just...just because you wanted to?

Dick: ...Yeah, pretty much. I still have the medal sitting on a shelf in my apartment and a picture of me with some other competitors hanging on the wall.

Alfred: I for one, appreciated finally getting to see the Olympics from the front row. And in my own country, no less.

Bruce: What- what does that mean? Tell me you did not go with him to the Olympics...

Alfred: I was his accompaniment for the event. It was quite a good time.

Bruce: Dick...

Dick: What? He said he always wanted to go!

[darlingdisfunctional]

Tim * holding a can of Pepsi * : Do you guys want some Pespi ?

Jason* laughing* : Some what ?

Tim : Pespi .

Duke : It's PePsi not PeSpi Timmy.

Tim : That's what I said Pespi.

Tim : Pespi

Duke : Please would you...

Tim * interrupting Duke * : Pespi

Tim * shrugging* : It's normal it's because I'm ambidextrous.

Damian : Ambidextrous ?

Stephanie * chirping in* : He means Bisexual !

Dick * at the same time * : He means bilingual !

Bruce * tired dad™* : He means he has dyslexia.

[darlingdisfunctional]

[darlingdisfunctional]

[darlingdisfunctional]

Tell me a soft memory

[darlingdisfunctional]

The haunting ancient Celtic carnyx being played for an audience. This is the sound Roman soldiers would have heard their Celtic enemies make.

[darlingdisfunctional]

Jason but he wears this helmet 😼

[darlingdisfunctional]

I’m not saying I have an issue with Marinette being adopted by a DC character...

I’m just saying I think it would be a fun twist and perhaps healthier for all involved to see what would happen if she was the one doing the adopting.

____________________________

Marinette: Wait…you’re saying you died how many times now?

Dick: Just the once…twice? No wait…I think that was just before the retcon…do alternate realities count?

Marinette: (Eye twitching)

Dick: I’m fine! Really!

(Ten seconds later)

(Dick is now rolled up in a blanket burrito and having mother hen-Mari feeding him hot chocolate and pastries.)

Dick: …this is nice, actually…

____________________________

Jason: So this is my mom now, apparently.

Marinette: Hi!

Roy: But…isn’t she younger than you?

Jason: She chased me down to the middle of a gang fight to make sure I had a coat and extra armor. She’s mom.

____________________________

Tim: You did WHAT?

Marinette: I took your stash. All of them. You’re now on a coffee ban.

Tim: WHY?!

Marinette: Because you’ve been awake for 3 days straight and it’s not healthy!

Tim: You—you can’t just BAN me from coffee!

Marinette: WATCH ME.

____________________________

Marinette: GO TO YOUR ROOM!

Damien: You’re not my mother! You can’t tell me what to do!

Marinette: (GLARE O DOOM)

(Ten seconds later)

Damien: (Now in his room, hiding in his bed) The League did not prepare me for this…

____________________________

Bruce: (Fishing for another Wayne kid) How do you feel about adoption?

Marinette: It’s great! I have four sons now!

Bruce: …What?

(Five minutes later)

Bruce: (Now wearing a hand-made sweater) ….wait, what just happened?

Alfred: You now have family in Paris, sir. And they are expecting you to come for dinner this weekend.

[darlingdisfunctional]

Neil Banged out his tunes today, on a train you have the comfort and relaxation to bang out your own tunes

[darlingdisfunctional]

coming for you