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Man cures depression ca. 2019

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i want. to curl up. in aq ball. and never uncurl myself. ever again.

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I don't feel bad discussing my special interest with you.

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“What happened next?”

for @emygrl99

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Just wanna vanish for a bit and reappear with my life all put together.

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here’s my problem with richard spencer getting punched for his views:

punch wasnt hard enough

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Had a bad day yesterday and a bad morning today. This is a piece of art with a lot of things I've said and others have said about me.

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im gonna talk about some personal stuff, okay? Im gonna do it here on my blog, instead of like, in a journal or something, because i feel a lot more comfortable posting on my blog than writing it down somewhere no one will ever know. If im gonna do that, why not just keep it in my head, y’know? But that’s extremely unhealthy so onto the blog it goes. I only have one follower on this blog rn, but.. dont read this, okay? It’s really just to help me work through some stuff.

i thought i was on an upswing. I thought i was doing better. I was kicking executive dysfunctions ass, i havent been to therapy in like. three months, i cleaned a whole crapton of the house!!!!!! i was doing good!!!!!

No.

apparently my emotional health has, ah.... crashed and burned without my noticing. I thought because I wasnt sitting around doing nothing all day, I wasnt??? depessed??? or unstable in any way????

WRONG.

i was ah, essentially using the fact that i was technically productive to functionally deny any issues, a la “i cant be having a rough time, look at all the shit i am getting done!”

NO.

today my dad told me he was disappointed in me because i hadnt managed to clean all the dye out of the washing machine, and i just lost it. cried for... probably at least half an hour solid??? just couldnt stop. because if im not perfect, apparently i have automatically classified myself as a failure?

That’s no good.

so now i gotta work on... everything. my mom needs my help, i need to keep the house clean, i need to stick to my new exercise regimen, i need to get my emotional health back in whack, i need to take care of my brothers dog, i need to start making dinner again, i need to run the household. my parents wont do it, and we can survive without someone running us, but survival isnt living. i need to take care of us.

i shouldnt feel this way. i am not supposed to. but i have to. it feels good when i run a home. it feels right. i need to keep doing it, its the only thing im good at anymore.

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Winter Has Broken!

The temperature breached the 50s yesterday and is expected to do so again today

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tag yourself

i’m m8 and queen yaaas

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The good stuff!  Check out more pics like these here and here.

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made a tiny picture book for class. i wanted to challenge the idea that girls loving other girls is somehow adult/inappropriate

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45 days until Vernal Equinox!

135 days until Summer Solstice!

~236 days until Oktoberfest!

331 days until Christmas!

I am trying to find reasons to smile! 😃