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you know in terms of natural disasters, earthquakes are far sexier and preferable than flooding. looks pointedly at the sky. if you even care

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i know i have like. actual shit going on right now but currently i am just stuck here clearing stuff up and thinking. oh the things i would do to see the korean version of lizzie (musical) live, i swear... every single thing i see from it makes me more curious to see the full performance

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floods 🫠

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I actually passed away quite a few years ago, but I'm a very private person and never told anybody.

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i talk quite a lot huh

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Saying “yeah bro I move exactly like a jumping spider when I get drunk” and then watching everyone flinch every time I tense my legs after taking a sip of my vermouth

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i think i also just need to write something Calm for once. no excess suffering just yue qingyuan as he is

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see speaking of wips i had the first two chapters of yqy's qi deviation de-age thing finished months ago as well but i haven't yet hammered out a satisfying conclusion (to me). so it just sits in my documents

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it is very fun when xuan su decides to give up on the ruse around people. as time has gone on, it's learned to mimic yqy well, but even that is tiring + if they are words specifically meant for yqy, there's a bit of (guilty) exasperation there, since there's no real way to convey the conversation had to yqy without revealing its existence (which it believes will be for the worse overall). but there are some instances where it risks being revealed for the betterment of all

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How unfair it is, then, that Shen Qingqiu should feel isolated from his strenuous efforts. There is a certain level of dignity he rises to meet. A certain threshold of bodily maintenance he does not permit himself to underperform in, as it is owed to this refined man whose gaze meets his own in the mirror held by this xiaomei. Not only for the benefits which he reaps as its inhabitant, but perhaps… a sense of guilt. Unearned guilt, he knows. This is Shen Qingqiu’s body first and foremost. His to occupy and preen and abuse as he pleases. Yet it seems that each time those cold, distant eyes glimpse the barest reflection, he is again reminded of the dissonance present in his restless soul. The man is a bastard as all men are, no matter his beauty, and possesses the haughtiness of a covetous young lord. That every ounce of presumed sexual allure be violently confiscated and drained from him until he can no longer harbor interest in such flagrant desires would be a mercy undeserving. Better, still, were he betrayed through it and rendered worthless with each layer of being stripped from him—beginning with that insufferable mask of propriety. It is, in this sense, the very reason Shen Qingqiu’s resentment has leveled into apathy on the whole. Even if no one knows, nor will ever know, this man’s past has been entrusted to him alone. The tortures he endured did not blemish his appearance irreparably. With much practice and guidance at Shen Qingqiu’s knee, he was able to reintegrate to higher society without struggle, and resume a role amidst them. He is subject to the unique terror of knowledge, of what will become of him once these peers are made ware of the utter rot written just beneath. Said role was beginning to wear on Shen Qingqiu. In these past weeks, he had found himself increasingly bitter in his one retreat, his one place of solace. Were it not a waste of the body he’d been granted, he would have clawed his own face off for each compliment awarded to the man they presumed him to be. “Enough,” he says and raises a single hand to cover the glass, grudgingly reining in the impulse to shatter the ornate mirror alongside the young girl’s hand.

working on a little something :3

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i've had the ending sequence + first ~2k words written out for this fic for a couple of months now, but every time i go to write the actual latter-middle part of this, shen qingqiu will do literally everything in his power to avoid having to outright say yes, fine, let us try some makeup. and maybe wearing women's clothing. he would rather talk abt yue fucking qingyuan that's how dire it is right now

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Little headcanon that I have that I have yet to get into writing somehow but neeed to work into a fic somehow is that Yue Qingyuan does not have a pretty smile.

Oh he's got the practiced smile, he's gotten really good at those. The neutral "I'm listening" one, the cheerful "this is really nice!" one, the more intimate but distant "I understand what this means to you" mediator smile, a very old, very small obedient smile that predates all of them, etc etc.

But some people out there, at least one, remember that when he smiles for real or laughs unexpectedly, it's a big one where his eyes get all scrunched and shows a lot of gum. When the dimples came out, Shen Jiu knew he'd won the Qi-ge lottery.

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the inherent transfeminism of shen qingqiu

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nonbinary mqf is also just practical because it makes disambiguation easier to be honest

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that was a long travel x_x

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quite amusing to me when people tag "possessive behavior" on svsss fics. fork found in kitchen etc.

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being doomed by the narrative is cool and all but i like when a character is doomed just by being a fucking idiot. sorry that happened to you but it is entirely your own fault and you could have just chosen to not do all that