dateblackmen

[dateblackmen]

White women, black men dating: How to start dating a friend from another race

When reading through dating websites or blogs, you will often come across the term “friendzoned”. People use it to describe it how a person who likes someone ends up being their friend, instead of dating them. The “friend zone” should not be considered some kind of punishment though! Friendship is a great way to find out more about the other person, see if you feel comfortable spending time with them on a daily basis and if you have similar interests and a good communication. Most of the times it's men who feel that they are pushed in the friend zone, because they approached girls they liked, but were not brave enough to make their romantic interest clear enough. Women can also go through the same though. What you need to understand is that if you feel you are “friendzoned”, you were the one who put yourself in this zone in the first place and you are the only one who can get yourself out of it.

  Getting out of the friend zone requires some skill and you need to be discreet about it. For example, if you are a white woman who wants to date black men and you also happen to like this black friend of yours, you cannot just flat out tell him “I am thinking to try interracial dating. Do you want to date, since we already know each other?”. First of all, he will feel objectified. And seriously, where did all the romance go? Make sure that you want to date the person, not the race. Otherwise, if you are a black man and you want to date white women, you will end up asking all your white friends out until someone accepts and no one will take you seriously. Plus, you will ruin your friendships. Your friends might seem like an easily accessible dating pool, when you decide to start interracial dating, but keep in mind that dating a friend always entails the risk of losing that particular friend. So if your goal is to just start exploring interracial dating, leave your friends alone, unless you are really in love with one of them.

  Now, if you actually are falling in love with a friend of yours, you probably already know how they feel about interracial relationships. Most people who have friends from different races are also open to dating different races, so you shouldn't worry too much about it. What you need to do is make it clear that  you start feeling more things about your friend. It takes courage, but it really pays off in the end. Start by asking your friend to go out just the two of you. It doesn't need to sound like a date. Ask them to share your lunch brake or go for a coffee Sunday morning. Spending more time one on one, you will have the chance to show them that you care through body language and talking on a more personal level.

  Talk to your friend about all the things that make you think the two of you would be a great couple, but make it clear that if they want to stay friends, you will do your best to act normal around her/him. Give them the option to take it slow and start dating before committing to an exclusive relationship. Seldom are two people on the same page at the same time, but given the time couples do get there. And if your friend does not want to be your girlfriend or boyfriend, be mature about it and don't start blaming them that they do not support white women and black men dating. Everything happens for a reason after all!

[dateblackmen]

Famous interracial couples: They made it work. You can too.

You have probably been there: you get all excited about interracial dating and then your friends/ parents/ colleagues/ you-name-it start telling you about all the challenges that interracial couples face. Yes, if you are a white woman and want to date black men, you need to be aware that there are differences between your cultures. You not only will have a different skin color, but also possibly a different religion, different cultural background and even different food preferences. But why is this supposed to be a bad thing? Diversity is what makes life interesting and white women seeking black men -and the other way around- know that opening up to other cultures can lead you to a whole new universe.

  Yes, but can I have a long term relationship when dating outside my race? I hear you ask. Of course you can! But you need to want it, in order to achieve it. If you are fascinated by a black guy, just because he seems exotic to you, and you decide to have a one-night-stand with him, it is quite unlikely that it will become a long term loving relationship. This is why it is important to set your priorities straight and know what you are looking for. There are many interracial couples out there, who made it work. Their secret? They had more in common than just curiosity for the other persons race.

  Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom

She is a model, TV personality, businesswoman, actress, fashion designer and many more, which we do not need to list. And she is white. He is a professional basketball player and he last played with the Los Angeles Clippers. And he is black. They are both famous and very busy, which is enough to put strain on a relationship. On top of it, they have been trying unsuccessfully to become parents, which brought them closer, instead of alienating them. They are trying to save time for each other and go on romantic dates, to keep the spark alive.

  Kelly Ripa and Marc Consuelos

She is a white American actress and TV presenter, best known for her show “Live! With Kelly and Michael” and her role in the “Hope and Faith” sitcom. He is a Mexican-Italian actor who has stared in a series of films and television shows including “My Super Ex Girlfriend”, “Cop Out”, “Missing”, “All my children”. He has also done many guest appearances. Ripa and Consuelos own Milojo, a New York based production company. They have three children together and they must be doing something right since they are so successful business and life partners, despite the differences in their racial background.

  Sophia Adella Luke and Derek Luke

The actors have been happily married for fifteen years. She is best known for “Spartan”, “Knock Out” and “Lying in Wait”. He is best known for “Antwone Fisher”, “Captain America: The first Avenger” and “Glory Road”. She is white and he is a black American, born in New Jersey. Even though they both work in the showbiz and temptation is all around, they stick with each other.

  Indina Menzel and Taye Diggs

She was born in New York and is of Jewish and Russian heritage. An actress, singer and songwriter, she is best known for her roles in “Enchanted”, “Rent” and “Beowulf”. He is also a theater and screen actor. He was born in Newark, grew up in Rochester and is African American. He is best known for “Chicago”, “Private Practice” and “Equilibrium”. They first met in 1995, got married in 2003 and have a son who was born in 2009. Here is to another happy interracial family!

    Sara Kapfer and Cuba Gooding Jr.

These two are high school sweethearts! She is white, he is black. Gooding's father abandoned the family when Gooding was about four years old, so he grew with his mother and siblings. Both his parents were singers. Gooding Junior decided to create a much more stable environment for his own kids and he found that choosing a white partner was not an added challenge, so in 1994 he married Kapfer. They are still together and have three children.

  Of course these are just examples of white women dating black men. And we didn't even put Seal and Heidi Klum in the list, because they split after seven years of marriage. But they still managed to keep a long term relationship! And there are many more examples of white men dating or being married to black women, like David Bowie and Iman, Robert De Niro and Grace Hightower and Mellody Hobson and George Lucas. So the next time a friend or family member questions your decision to date outside your race, you can point out that many of their favorite celebrities have made the same choice as you and did not regret it!

[dateblackmen]

Choosing First Date Clothes To Date White Women

Meeting people online has the great advantage that you get to know quite a few things about their personality, especially if you have been chatting for a while. But even then, the first date still plays an important role in deciding if your date is a good match. White girls looking for black men are not looking just for someone from a different race. They are also looking for a man they can have a meaningful relationship with, who has common goals with them and they can imagine a long term future with him. Are you wondering what clothes have to do with all that?

  The way we are dressed reveals a great deal about our personality and intentions. And learning to adjust our clothes according to the circumstances is a great skill. Think of it this way: if you are a skater or graffiti artist on your free time and you go to a formal job interview, what are the chances of you getting hired if you wear your skate apparel? Unless the interview takes place at a skate company, zilch. It is exactly like that with dating. A bit of flexibility does not mean that you are trying to mislead your date. It means that you are doing your best to look good for them.

  You will notice that white women looking for black men will dress in the best possible way to impress them. However, in a room full with well-dressed women, you can still tell apart the different personalities. It's the choice of colors and accessories and the fitting of the clothes that gives away personality traits. And the same goes with men. You can be sharply dressed for a date and still get across who you are, even without your studded leather jacket on!

  The adventurous type

If you are an adventurous type you can choose to dress down a suit by wearing it with a nice t-shirt, instead of a shirt. Just make sure that it shirt is well-ironed and the color does not clash with your pants. Instead of a formal jacket you could go with a sweater or cardigan, if the weather is chilly. This gives the impression that you tried enough to look good, but you do not like rigidness.

  The fashionable type

A nice suit with an original accessory is all that you need. Be it a silk scarf, a pair of cufflinks or a pair of shoes with an unusual color, it will do the trick. Women do notice those small details and appreciate them, especially if they are fashionable types, like you.

  The traditional type

If you are a traditional guy, then just make sure to wear a suit that suits you, without any extravagant add-ons that can give the wrong impression. Wearing clean ironed clothes and a nice-smelling after shave or perfume is all you need to impress a lady.

  The rebellious type

If you hate conformism and dressing in anything other than your leather jacket, baseball cap and low waist jeans seems like a treason, you can still impress a lady. Wear the type of clothes that make you feel comfortable, but invest in clothes that fit you well. Yes, there are oversized pants that fit well and others that don't! Find your size. And do let your date know that it is going to be a casual evening. She will feel either bad or disappointed if she is overdressed.

  And remember: no matter what you wear, you confidence is your best accessory!

[dateblackmen]

Interracial Dating: follow your heart, not social expectations

Interracial dating has many positive aspects. You get to know people from another race and possibly culture and they can introduce you to a whole new universe of ideas, beliefs, traditions, smells, tastes, places... The list is endless really. White women dating black men for the first time often find themselves being surprised by all the extra bonuses of getting out of their comfort zone and dating outside their race. The same happens the other way around as well. And this is why more and more people stop hesitating and try out interracial dating.

  If you want to date black men or white women though, you need to be prepared about the reactions of your social environment. People some times find it hard to accept that you prefer someone from another race to be your partner. This can be due to racism, due to fear of the unknown or due to the simple fact that they wish you would pick them. The social pressure can be huge for some people, which leads them to abandon their dreams of interracial dating before they even start. Following we will see some ways to help you follow your heart instead of succumbing to the social pressure.

  Listen

The first step to any good and fruitful discussion is to listen to one another. It is possible that the person you are talking with won't do much listening. So it is your task to listen to them and find out why they are so upset about your decision to date outside your race. If you try to reply to every little sentence or insult they throw on the table, it will end up being a fight, not a discussion.

  Think

Think before you talk. If you have just announced to your parents that you want to date white women and they are freaking out about it, listen what they have to say and do not reply immediately. Think about their worries and concerns first. Do they really complain just about their skin color or do they see other qualities in her personality that bother them? When people make comments that make no sense mixed with valid comments, often the last ones lose their value. It takes practice to be able to evaluate your family's comments before disregarding all of them as racist. Here is a small example “She is white, you don't match!” is not a valid, useful comment. But “I don't like that she is drinking so much” or “I did not like the way she talked to us” might be valid comments that you should think about. So ask people to give you some time to reflect on what they said and promise to come back to them. This shows that you value their opinion and also allows you to consider their observations, whether you like them or not.

  Talk

If you have done the listening and thinking and you are sure that you want to date outside your race, it is time to make that clear to your friends and family. Start out by mentioning any of their comments that you found useful. You can, for example say that “Mom, I think you are right that our future children might be bullied at school BUT this is why we all need to fight racism together”. This way you show your family that you really listened to what they said and have thought of solutions or ways to deal with the challenges.

  Be clear

Be clear that no matter what your social environment thinks, this is your life, you only have one and you are planning to live it the way you want. Make it clear that you understand where their concerns are coming from and that you are willing to help them if they want to educate themselves. Do not however let them believe that this is some kind of phase that you will grow out of. Your family and friends need to understand that if you choose to date black men (or white women) it is is your own business, since you are not harming anyone or doing anything illegal.

  Don't make it personal

No matter how disappointed you are by the criticism that you are getting, do not argue on a personal level. Yes, your aunt might have gotten a bad divorce while married with someone from her race, but using that as an argument is both mean and immature. Relationships might or might not work out, despite of race. They are hard work, no matter what place on Earth your partner comes from.

  Focus on the positive side

Instead of insisting that your family and friends are wrong in wanting you to date inside your race, be positive and explain why you want to date outside of it. If there is a specific person that you are dating, explain how they make you feel, why you like them, how you think that they can make you happy. Positive words are much more powerful than negative. Replace “You are wrong, because...” with “I feel I would be happier, because...”.

  Keep in mind that if it is your boss who is giving you a hard time because of your interracial relationship, you can deal with them on a legal basis. Discrimination based on sex, race and disabilities is illegal. If you live in a country where such laws do not exist, then you can keep your personal life private and keep fighting against racism after your office hours.

[dateblackmen]

First date ideas for interracial couples

After hours of online searching, mails coming and going, a few shy phone calls and the like, the date is set! You are going on your first date with someone from another race! Excited much?

  If you are a black man that is going to date white women, or the other way around, the first thing that you need to keep in mind is that this date should be pretty much like any other date. What we mean by that is that you should be careful not to emphasize your cultural difference. You should prepare for your interracial date the same way that you would for any other date. Your goal should be to find activities that will give you the chance to get to know the other person and come closer. Skin color has nothing to do with it and both black men and white women should know that.

  The festival

Be it a music festival, a food festival, an outdoor music festival, it doesn't matter! Festivals are great for a first date as there are enough things to keep you busy and talk about, in case there are awkward moments. At the same time, being together at a festival is a nice experience to share and you will have things to talk about at your second date as well! Make sure it is not a cultural festival about your own heritage though. This is a good date idea for later dates, but on a first date it will look like you are trying to show off your culture or convert your date into your own values/ religion etc. And do not pick a festival about their culture either, because then they will feel at ease while you will feel like a foreigner and then your differences will seem magnified.

  The brunch

Go to a nice hotel and have brunch. This way you will get to know each other while enjoying great coffee and food at the same time. Having a first date in the morning makes it more casual and puts less stress on you than a formal “I will pick you up at 21:00 and go to the best club ever” kind of date. Having brunch in a boutique hotel is also a nice way to enjoy luxury for a few hours without having to pay way too much for it.

  The mix-and-match

One of you can pick were you will eat and the other can choose a movie that you are going to watch. Or one of you can suggest a nice place to go for a walk and the other person can choose an art exhibition to visit together. This way the pressure of making a good impression with your choices is split in half! If you feel that the lady prefers super dynamic men and she likes to follow though, skip this one.

  The photo booth

Ask your date to go on an adventure with you and discover as many photo booths as you can, while walking. Take pictures in each one of them, noting at the back the date, time and place. You can even bring photo props with you and make it even more fun. This first date idea is fun and exciting but there are two ways in which it can go wrong: one, your date's self esteem is really bad and they hate taking pictures and two, there is no second date and you end up with a bunch of reminders of this failed one. But we don't see why anyone wouldn't want to see again a person with such original ideas. So, go for it!

  The aquarium

Aquariums are amazing places for dates. First of all, they usually have these huge tanks where you can see whales and jellyfish swimming peacefully, taking all the stress away. Then, they have those rooms where you are actually surrounded by water on three sides, ceiling included, and sharks are swimming on top of you. This gives you something to talk about. Plus, it is a silent environment, where you can choose to either to talk quietly or be silent yourself and it won't look awkward. On top of it, aquariums often have a restaurant or two near-by and fun gift shops. You can buy your date a tiny plastic seahorse and get her some ice cream. She will love you! There is only one way this date can go wrong: if the is an animal rights activist or vegan, she will refuse to go into the aquarium and will most probably call you insensitive. For these ladies, try out an animal rescue.

  The beach

Go on a picnic on the beach. And even if the weather is bad, go for a walk. The view of the sea extending for miles and miles has a calming effect on people, so you are likely to forget your date-stress. You can talk about your childhood memories having to do with the beach or you can talk about traveling and dream destinations. Dreaming together brings people closer in no time. Just make sure you don't say anything too heavy like “I wish me, you and our four future children would go on a cruise next year”. He will be terrified. Keep it more abstract, no matter how big of a crush you are developing. After all, it is a first date!

  So whether you date black women or you date black men, make sure to always remember that you are just people after all. Relax and enjoy your first date without thinking of the added challenges of interracial relationship just yet. There is time for it after the third date!

[dateblackmen]

Interracial dating: Leaving bad experiences behind

If you have tried interracial dating before and it didn't go that well, it is easy to assume that you are just not cut for it. It is true that white women and black men can face some challenges when they decide to date each other, but this does not mean that every interracial relationship is doomed. If you want to try to date black men or date white women again, but you are hesitating, because of past experiences, you need to find out what was it that went wrong. This way you will learn from your mistakes, become a better person and learn how to make better choices. Following are some questions that will help you understand why your previous relationship might have gone wrong.

  How did you pick your partner?

Often white women looking for black men and the other way around, get so excited about interracial dating that do not go any deeper than the race. If you just decide to date the first black man/white women that you met, chances are that things will go wrong. When you date people of your own race, don't you try to find someone with similar interests, goals and values as you? These should also be your criteria for an interracial relationship. The novelty wears off quite fast and if you do not have other things in common, then the relationship won't last.

  How open were you towards your differences?  

Even if you have found a person from another race, with whom you share some interests and goals, you need to accept your differences as well. Maybe you thought that because all people are equal, they are also the same, but this is not how it works. The next time that you get a crush on someone from another race, try to understand that their life is different from yours in many aspects and that you will have to work hard to build a life together. People with different races, religion, education and financial background can make things work as long as they are open and accepting.

  How well did you communicate?

Communication is the key in successful interracial relationships. In order to bridge cultural gaps, discuss about social pressure challenges, and understand the way your partner sees things you need to talk with them. Talk and listen. No matter how upset you feel about something that your partner said or did, you should make the effort to explain to them why you are upset. Some times cultural differences lead to misunderstandings, as a behavior that is perfectly fine in one culture is unacceptable to another. This is why it is crucial to educate your partner and get educated by them, instead of closing your ears and being mad all the time.

  How did you handle social pressure?

Maybe you broke up with your last partner because your family did not approve of your relationship. In that case you need to do some work with your self-esteem and independence, before you date another person. If you are an adult and your family's racist opinions keep you from living your dreams, you need to detach. This does not mean that you need to stop loving your family though. You just need to make them understand that they should respect your decision. If you broke up with your partner because he would not stand up for you, when his family treated you badly, then you made a wrong choice of partner. And maybe you did not communicate well enough as well. An interracial couple needs to discuss a common strategy when it comes to dealing with judgmental or just plain negative family members and friends. You should make that clear from the start, when dating a person from another race. If you support them, you should expect that they will support and love you as well, despite of what their social environment thinks.

    Did you brake up because of physical distance?

Some times interracial relationships start when one of the two is on vacation, doing an internship, is on an Erasmus exchange or working for a short term in a foreign country. This means that sooner or later they will have to go back home. If you fell in love with someone and lived your dream for a while and then, once they went back, you lost contact, it can be very traumatic. This is why it is a good idea to discuss this issue from the first dates with someone who is not just from another race, but from another country as well. If all goes well, could he move permanently to your country? Could you move to his? Could you both travel for a few years? These might seem like heavy questions to ask at the beginning of the relationship, but if the time is limited and you are not a college student who is just looking for an adventure, they are totally justified.

  Now that you read these questions you can probably already pin point one or more reasons why your last interracial relationship did not last. Congratulations! Realizing your mistakes is the first step to achieve a long-term loving relationship with the next person that you will choose to include into your life.