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Debbie Down the Rabbit Hole in “Companion Land”

Our story starts in a far away land known only to the lucky few that have found their life partner as “Relationship Land.”  Debbie grew further and further from her partner here in “Relationship Land” so she ventured out to find a new world. Others have talked about it, but she herself knew nothing about it.  When people would speak of this new land some would share beautiful stories and adventures and others would tell stories of soul ripping, gut wrenching pain. Regardless she longed to find out for herself what might find her when she arrived. 

Debbie is an adventure seeking, curious, independent, loving and hard working woman. She loves a good challenge and nearly detests anything that is just given to her as she has worked hard in her life for everything she has.  She forgives easily and almost certainly gives way to many chances to those that didn't even deserve a first chance.  She is kind, funny and has qualities most men find very attractive.  Any man finding this woman is quite aware they are fortunate to have had her or have her in his life.  Debbie does however come with some negatives as well.  She needs and wants confirmation on a regular basis, she's very aware that this is a insecurity within herself.  She just requires it.  She is attention seeking, and often times looked at by the same sex (prior to getting to know her of course) as something outside of who she actually is.  Debbie turns her nose up to any kind of help from the outside, unless she is asking for it (which isn't often).  She has massive trust issues some would need a ladder to get over the gigantic wall she has seemingly built around her heart.  Also you must get past the gnome named “jiffy” who will undoubtedly have a few riddles a song and dance for you to preform prior to having access to her heart.  Needless to say you will have to put forth some effort to get this girl. Many have tried and very few have successfully succeeded or will succeed. 

Our newfound adventure starts when leaving the world of “Relationship Land” and finally getting out on her own.  While walking down the steep narrow red brick road path she finds an off beaten, and tattered dirt road trail she finds curiously familiar, but different. While walking down this beaten path she is greeted by a White Rabbit for fun we will call him “Roger.”  He greets her with a smile but is on a time crunch and has to run.  Typically Roger the “White Rabbit” is always a little too busy, and usually blind to the needs of Debbie. Roger is the type that when a woman walks away from them or I guess more so when he runs from her, she finds herself still yearning for more.  Still feeling drawn to him.  This is the guy, the girl will write massive texts to begging for some form of an answer as to why she wasn't good enough, why he never gave her more time.  However the most basic answer ladies I can tell you about this type, is you in his mind, were never his, and he was never yours.  He never took you seriously.  He never saw himself being long term with you.  So while drawing you in, keeping you guessing and making you feel more curious about him.  He is not thinking of you at all.  In fact you are just a mere side bitch in his world currently.  I’m sorry, but I'm not sorry.  You will forever be stuck in this zone with him because you are saying it’s ok by allowing it to continue.  

Debbie goes on to feel his distance, but unfortunately for her is still curious and still feeling that magnetic pull to him. So Debbie proceeds to push him away further and by now he is running, sprinting and hurdling to get away from you. While doing so Debbie sees Roger jump into a very dark, deep hole.  All of a sudden he disappears, he's gone.  She looks inside the hole and just as she is peeking her head inside she loses her footing and falls in.  

Deeper and Deeper she falls, feeling dizzy and near vomiting at the sheer terror she is sure to be facing.  Completely unaware of what will become of her at the bottom of this hole.  She finally comes to a stop, and is safe but a little damaged from the fall.  She picks herself up, reads the sign and realizes she's exactly where she wanted and chose to be.  This beautiful but dark land has a large green sign at the entrance that states “Welcome to Companion Land, where we don't promise that any of your dreams will ever come true.  Population:124.6 million.” (Of course thats a real number of how many single people there are in America alone. ) So the adventure begins as she proceeds to take her very first steps into companion land.  Nervous, scared, bruised, but excited as she begins her journey.   

While walking she is talking to herself, she looks like a crazy person to people who could be passing or watching her from afar, but to her she is processing.  Processing that pain that is left within her heart.  Just as she is finishing up her therapy session with herself she is taken aback when a caterpillar larger than the other ones approaches her.  “This shit is starting to get weird” she thinks to herself.  Were off to a smashing start, one so good that would only be best compared to the shit show that would be two hulk sized men combined, most certainly high on ketamine.  Either way it was what it was and Debbie needed to face this one head on as well.  

“Whooooo are you?”  He asks in a very condescending manner.  Debbie responds “I hardly even know anymore sir, because I’ve changed so many times just this morning and I know I am not the person I was before.”  She goes on to tell him a little of her adventure thus far and the tale of Roger, whom is so far off in the distance now that she is merely calling him a tale and not her current present situational hurt.  The caterpillar or for the pure excitement of this story we’ll call him “Caleb” goes on to share his side of things as well.  Except when he explains his situation he is defensive and already waiting for her to judge him for who he once was.  Caleb doesn’t even realize she comes from a place of pain as well and is far from judging him for his past trials and tribulations.  

Caleb is quick witted, has a sharp tongue that gets used in terrible ways at times, he is better than most everyone at anything he puts his mind to, and he financially does very well for himself.  He is smart to a point where he is awkwardly suave with women. He flashes tales of how he spends his earnings and how he makes his earnings turning only the shallow, fleeting women onto him.  A girl of substance is not impressed by this.  She finds him impressive for the other things he possesses. Also his tale of his trails in “Companion Land” Debbie finds equally appealing and intriguing.  She yearns to learn more about him.  He lets her in for a mere second only to take it back from her as quickly as it was given.  Caleb is a guarded man. He is not a bad man for being so guarded, he just might have a much larger wall built around his heart including, but not limited to the leprechaun that guards his heart that will make you leap over a rainbow and guess the a number between one and a million unfortunately Debbie didn't see all that until it was much too late. Realizing this journey will not be complete here, she decides to press forward.  Again, still a little damaged, however this time a bit more understanding.  

She continues her trails on the off beaten path, still talking to herself.  Finding herself more curious where the road is to end, and what will be there when she completes it.  The hurt was surface level only this time, as she didn't quite let the walls down completely with Caleb.  The thing with guarded people is the only true thing they face when being rejected in such a way after not fully letting their wall down is a broken ego.  Which fortunately for her is a lot easier to get over than a broken heart.  So she moves on, this time feeling hopeful and ready to meet someone new.

Alice is a wanderer, she wanders with no care in the world and begins to space out entirely.  When walking she is surprised when an image appears in the clouds.  The clouds start to come down in a fog like motion, this time it feels dangerous and scary, but exciting.  She is enjoying herself far too much for what is actually happening.  Finally out of the fog, comes what looks to be a cat.  A Cheshire Cat. One that looks alarmingly familiar to that of a Disney movie character.  However this one has a name.  “Hi I saw you from afar and thought it would be a good time to introduce myself, I’m Chester.”  She was so thrilled to be meeting someone so new, and he seemed so exciting she goes on to give away her position of excitement far too quickly. “Hey Chester, I’m so happy to meet you, you have no idea.  I have just been walking this path wondering if I’d meet anyone else.  I have to say I’m glad its you.”  Chester backs up a little bit just to give her a non-verbal warning sign to take it down a notch, however sadly for him she has not taken notice and she takes another step further into his personal bubble.  This dance she is playing with him is dangerous as he is one that will spook very easy.  His history actually suggests not to ever get too close as he fades away a lot. 

 Chester is unpredictable, cunning, mysterious, sneaky and typically a bit of a comical relief which is why people get hooked to his personality.  You will never see Chester when you’d like to see him.  You will only see him when he feels he would like to utilize his time to see you. You often times are lost in thought when speaking to him but only because you consistently on a regular basis  wondering what could possibly be on his mind today.  He refuses to tell you his day to day and the way he comes in and out of your life is downright intolerable.  However Debbie is weak and allows this behavior to continue because she is lonely.  She has not found herself yet in this newfound land and is seeking that self inside of the men she has met thus far.  She is sad but puts on a face for Chester each time in her journey he has come to see her.  She doesn't want to lead on that he has disappointed her.  Instead she tends to give him more of herself to the point of being completely emotionally drained. To which in turn he uses this newfound attachment against her and finds a way to use her for his own personal punching bag.  With each blow she grows weaker and weaker.  Her ego is completely tossed away at this point as she is begging for an inch of her old life back.  

She asks why and how is a man capable of making a someone feel so terrible about themselves.  (fully knowing it is more than likely a fault that could only be found within herself)  He goes on to tell her its only because “she is mad and everyone in this world is mad”.. Debbie frantically replies “But, Chester I don't want to get myself back out there among mad people.”  “Oh but you can't help that Debbie, were all mad, you're mad, I'm mad, everyone.”  Chester replies.  “How could you possibly know I'm mad” Debbie defensively remarks “You must be” said Chester “or you wouldn't have come here.”  See Relationship land was comfortable, inviting, familiar.  This land was so far full of ache, and pain mixed with a few good times that were less memorable.  She was near ready to go back, but she knew at this point she was too deep to turn back now.  Chester is gone again, which was no surprise.  Debbie knew he would be and eventually he would fade away for good.  But for now, while still weak she would patiently wait for his return until she got strong enough to say no more.  She is still waiting on this moment.  Thankfully before leaving again the last time Chester pointed Debbie to a direction that seemed to be a little less rocky and a provide a much smoother path much more meant for walking on.  

Along this path is when she sees the sun start to shine down on her and for the first time in a very long time and for the first time on this journey she is feeling the warmth that is the sun.  She is smiling again and feeling whole.  Along this cheery disposition that is her new life she begins to think about Chester again. Wondering what he's up to, and when he will reappear again.  Its in this moment while lost in thought and stuck inside her head daydreaming she runs right into two men who are oddly standing in the dead center of the road in her direct path.  She stops as she is not able to get past them and is confused.  She looks at them with big doe eyes and begins to glare at them.  She loudly wails “excuse me!”  They both continue to stare blankly at her blinded by her beauty.  Almost as if they have never seen a girl so captivating, intriguing and when she talked they could tell she was educated and a true diamond in the rough.  Both men were eager to know her. 

 This is your Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum however again for the stories sake they introduced themselves as “Tad and Tim.”   “Oh hi”, she awkwardly replied “I am Debbie, however I am walking this long journey and I have plans so I must be going now.”  She proceeds to walk the path as they follow her.  “Listen boys, I am not really looking for anyone right now to walk this journey with me so I’m going to continue on.  Its nothing against you I just have people to meet.”  They appear hurt and withdrawn, but still waiting and watching her every move.  Tim asks Debbie “but why can't we join that journey and maybe even walk a little together?” Debbie is taken back, this is the first man who has actually pursued her, wanted her love, longed to be around her instead of the other way around.  They were content with just her.  It was an insane thought but she thought just maybe this could be my end game, the end of my long journey.  Still feeling from the loss of Chester in her life and his absence becoming longer and longer she said to herself “what the hell, how do you know unless you try?”   

She decides to walk this smooth more frequently traveled path with Tim and even Tad.  See, these men are the road most traveled because they are your man who tries to fricken hard.  They are the guy you are not challenged enough by.  See some will settle for this man because he is easy, willing to bend in ways most men shouldn't and he is sweet.  However this kind of girl just sees him as boring.  Her life, and world is treated as an adventure.  How could she possibly settle for an easy road kind of guy?  She needs a man who banters with her, makes her work for it (not in a mean, vicious way)  in a way that teaches her he is a prize to be won as well.  She finds Tim and Tad annoying the more he puts himself in her path, blocking her way rather than walking beside her as he promised he would initially.  He longs to lock her down, and quickly because he sees her for the prize she is.  However she's not looking for this type and she can already see things in him that will not work long term.  She knows she has to move on despite the kind, honest and caring men they are.  Again this is a fault she sees and accepts within herself and someday the man along her journey is going to find her, and be all of these things she just hasn't found yet.  She explains these things to Tim and Tad and walks away with her head hung low knowing she broke his heart but her heart did not belong to him.  

Our less than faithful, comical favorite Cheshire Cat, Chester has yet to reappear back into our lives, so while that hope has been dashed Debbie continues her journey.  There is no other way to go now, except forward and we've gone far too far to go back.  So continue on, we must go.  Just as all hope was lost, and most of all her ego is gone she spots a white tale.  Her heart sinks to the floor and she forces herself through the rosed thorny bush to see beyond the tall grass where she spotted the tale.  She is filled with an ample amount of emotions as she watches him still off in the distance eating what looks to be a carrot.  She approaches, this time slowly.  She doesn’t want to spook him as she did before.  He spots her just as she is approaching him.  He goes to make a run for it but at this point she is far to close and near facing him.  It would not only be awkward to walk away but also there wasn't very many places he could run.  He was now facing her head on.  The only words she could leak from her mouth were questions of why.  She knew she was coming on strong but she had no better way to approach the pain that filled her with so much doubt to her decision to even come to this land.  After all this whole thing started chasing him into the mysterious black hole.  She said “Roger, I saw my future beginning and ending with you, Why?”  “Debbie” Roger exclaimed with his head hung lower than normal “I have no words as to why, just you weren't right for me and while you weren't right for me you will find your happily ever after, I am sorry.” While she knew it was the end of this happily ever after she felt closure.  It was enough for her to continue on, leaving him behind not looking back to even see if he watched her walk away.  She didn’t care.  He didn't hold her future.  He wouldn't be the ticket back to “Relationship land” and she made peace with that.  

She walks away ego bruised but still upright and proud from the last and final interaction with the man that made her chase him through “Companionship Land.”  

While walking still talking and reminiscing on her previous adventures she is dropped to her knees again and quickly when seeing a beautiful, hilarious, whimsical but oddly perplexing kind of man.  He intrigues her, and draws her in with his sheer beauty, the way. he moves, when he laughs how his whole face crinkles.  She smiles at the mere vision of his laughter.  He looks damaged, but beautifully damaged.  Not the kind of guy who needs saving, just the kind that might need a friend. He clearly has a crowd around him as he always does, but she knows she has to make her way to the center of that crowd if she wants him to notice her.  She at first blends herself in, but keeps herself in straight line of view.  She wants to be noticed, not seem desperate.  She continues to draw herself in closer and closer to him.  She goes in so close she now blends in with the crowd and begins to create friendships.  He notices her laughing with a friend and feels curious about her as he is drawn to her as well.  He gets closer to her but not enough to actually have to talk to her, but enough for her to realize he has now noticed her as well.  

This man is non other than your classic “Mad Hatter.”  However in this case his name is Mark.  Mark is everything as earlier described.  In fact he is probably everything her dream man could possibly be and look like.  He offers just enough challenge to keep her entertained, enough love to fulfill her every need and he is just as funny if not more funny than her.  He's amazing in every way, but thats only scratching the surface of Mark.  Mark approaches Debbie with a smile and continues to wow her with his charm, wit and pure entertainer status that mirrors hers completely.  They start this journey knowing each other are capable of fulfilling the other however as we know no life is a fairy tale and this is no exception to that rule.  

Scratching only the surface of this man who enjoys celebrating very merry unbirthdays and classically going out of his mind on occasion he fits in perfectly into companion land.  I’m not sure he is ready for Relationship land so they decide to walk a little slower.  Debbie is feeling emotionally attached at this point to this man.  She had no idea once again the heartbreak that might be finding her at the end of this tunnel.  See Mark moves at a much slower pace, however she is in love and could care less about his pace, even though its been best compared to that of a slug.  Women are unbelievable when it comes to being ok with things we’d never be ok with if we didn't have the emotional attachment.  Sadly we get emotionally attached before fully knowing all the things there are to know about this human, most because your heart is eager and your mind is a thinker. I say this because there are things that are unknown about the lovable Mad Hatter Mark.  He is a bad boy.  The absolute worst kind even, because someday when you call him out and when you tell this tale of this relationship no one will believe he is capable of the things you underwent.  

Unfortunately due to your attachment you will undergo an unnecessary amount of verbal and possible physical abuse prior to getting yourself out of this situation.  He uses drugs, usually uppers like Cocaine and Meth, sometimes appears positively mad. Some looking at the dysfunction might even say he is an undiagnosed man with bi-polar disorder.  So because Debbie found this out after her heart decided to foolishly jump in with both feet she's attached.  Despite her mind screaming at her “get the fuck out bitch!”  Unfortunately the heart wins these battles far more often because a broken heart feels much worse than a foolish mind.  Debbie spent many lonely sad days trying to make sense of him and often times told him he was positively mad to which he would always reply.  “Yes Debbie, I’ve gone mad, completely bonkers..but let me let you in on a secret, all the best people are!”  He tried to bring her down multiple times to the level he felt so comfortable on. It made him uncomfortable to have a woman that openly did not approve his actions he longed for approval for the things they both knew he would never receive from a pearl like Alice.  This road they were walking took a major halt and with two roads in front of them they knew they had to choose.  Walk this road together, or go separate ways.  They both decided they would go separate ways, both broken and hurting and foolishly hearing and feeling the pain that is a heart breaking.  

So here we are at the end of the journey.  There is still so much walking to be done for Debbie because her journey is far from over in Companion land however this is just one of the many problems in this world.  There are many times in the time of making my stories I have asked men and women to tell me their greatest love story.  The realness of the situation is every time these people have gone on to tell me this beautiful story filled with so much emotion and passion until they get to the end where they almost always end with the split road decision.  Leaving them choosing the separate paths that might someday lead back to one another but most of the time it ends grim and were left with another heart break under our belts.  Just remember when walking your path in Companion land... Your brain has no heart. You heart has no brain.  So when you speak  and make decisions with your mind you’ll seem heartless.  When you speak and make decisions with your heart you’ll seem thoughtless.  They don't work together and often times choosing one to trust is where and how you get yourself out of the land of pain and beauty.  

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Crazy Hot Man Matrix

Here we go men, you created one about us women so now its your turn!  I started this blog sharing the video that created my inspiration.  The crazy hot women matrix of course.  Yes I’m sorry to say ladies, but we are absolutely out of fucking control sometimes.  Even I myself have moments where I am envisioning myself from afar as I watch myself hurdle so far off the cliff and I’m screaming to myself “no” but it’s too late.  The damage and words have been said and the crazy that is within me, has been done.  However with that said I have encountered some equally just as crazy men.  So please stay tuned and read on to find out how the crazy hot man matrix really breaks down.  Also keep in mind us girls have a lot more categories and put you into a bit more of a complex system than what you men tend to put us in.  

So first I should break down the scale itself for you.  We have 1-10 hotness on the bottom and we measure your crazy also from 1-10 that you will view on the side.  

First we have your “oh hell no zone.”  These men rate on a scale from 1-10 crazy and from 1-5 hotness.  These are your men you’re not even remotely physically attracted to and unfortunately for you men with all the dating apps available and swiping capabilities, the days of dating under a 5 are almost completely extinct for both sexes.  If I were you, I’d consider adopting a puppy, maybe even consider a full face lift?  Sometimes men with money are capable of pulling a girl out of his league but really those are the shallow, money hungry bitches and you’re literally buying the most expensive hooker you could find and to top it off she will probably sleep with anyone else but you and still continue to take you for your money.  Your loss boys, you probably missed out on a great girl in your league who would have done all the strange shit you liked and you ended up choosing the blonde girl who owns a new pair of boobs that you just so happened to purchase with your hard earnings.  Congratulations on the upcoming divorce.  She will undoubtedly take half your earnings and possibly even leave the court room hand in hand with the pool boy.  But hey, we all make mistakes right? Better luck next time. 

Now lets get to the logistics of the realistic part of the scale.  So for 9-10 crazy, and 5-10 hot you have your “Danger Will Robinson Zone.”  Don’t even go there.  These men are the men who talk way too often about the option of having a threesome with your mom (which has happened to me), they might have a tear drop tattoo or ten from their time spent in prison where they murdered someone for two juice boxes, a nude picture of one of the jail houses side bitches and a pack of smokes. Please know side bitch probably weighs somewhere heavy on the female matrix as well so this match equals nothing but absolute greatness.  I have also added for mainly comedic value men with serial killer names such as, but not limited to Jason, Freddy, Bill or even lets go as far as when you first meet him and he introduces himself as Leather Face, or Snake possibly even Viper.  I mean come on ladies I shouldn’t even have to mention it but you know you needed to hear it. 

 To finish up the danger zone I have to say that while I’m very nonjudgemental of fetishes, this one might kind of weird me out and is absolutely badge worthy of the danger zone material.  So first let me set the scene on this one.  You’re on a date, (probably someone from tinder) and things are going amazing.  Finally you meet a man who seems normal and sweet!  He even goes on to tell you stories asking at the end of telling them “where have all the good ones gone” while you internally (because we don’t want to scare him off) are screaming “HERE I AM…RIGHT HERE!!”  So in an effort to get to know you better he says lets take this back to my place, you agree and with ease are feeling good about this upcoming Netflix n’ chill moment where you will not be watching Netflix at all.  You head to his place, hopefully following in your own personal vehicle and arrive.  

You meet at the door and he prepares you for what you’re about to embark on.  He says “I have to preface you for what you’re about to see.  I am a sentimental man, and I have things that mean a lot to me that others might find odd.”  He opens the door and you are greeted with what seems like millions (truthfully maybe he only has 125.2 the point 2 comes from damaged) stuffed animals.  At first your mind will try and make excuses for this.  However digging deeper into this plushophilia world you notice holes.  Holes in places you wouldn’t imagine there would be holes in.  He now goes on to tell you he is what is known as a “yiff”.  Which for those of you not hip to the lingo, is a term in the furry fandom world that is short for having sex and enjoying porn and his beloved stuffed animals are center stage.  I mean do I even need to say the phrase?  The man is a fricken shit show, please run.  

The next category is 8-7 on the crazy zone and he’s a 5-7 hot.  This is your classic “he turned creeper on me” zone.  I feel this one might be self explanatory but lets go on to further discuss this zone in more depth.  There do happen to be different varieties of creepers.  One of which is the mild creeper.  He may be the guy who personally locks your door while looking at you in the eyes and says its for your safety.  Your head is saying he might rape me tonight.  Follow that gut girl, he’s weird.  Also please men, don’t hand feed us anything unless we know you and really like you.  It’s super weird.  Near creeper status,  which is why those have made the mild creeper list.  Being real though for two seconds because I’m incapable of being real much longer,  being creepy is more of a personal feeling women get. This girl has a discomfort or awkwardness when it comes to you and if you have hit this zone you should stop hard in your tracks.  You don’t have a prayer.  However the next woman that comes along might think you’re outrageously charming.  You just never know.  The last part of this part of the scale is the hot creeper.  I wish his name meant he was super hot and you didn’t see the crazy coming. But thats certainly not true.  He measures at the top of this scale because he did something that really weirded you out.  Guys you can do this simply by mass texting paragraphs of texts when she isn’t responding.  This is such a turn off for women.  If she isn’t texting back cease all texting to her.  I guarantee if you present her with a challenge you will go much further with her.  Don’t ever beg, if you ever get here you have lost her. She’s telling her friends as we speak that you’re a straight creeper.  Lastly, if you text her and she didn’t give you her number we have a couple of problems here.  You can probably understand why.  

Alright moving on, we have a 4-6 on the crazy scale, and a 5-7 hot.  This is your “maybe pile zone.” These guys are the men who have proclaimed there love to you or just not entertained you enough for them to care for you on a daily basis.  Men she entertains the thought of you, but she’s not wild about you.  If she was you’d certainly know it.  These are your tinder guys you have yet to meet but have talked to several times, your men who didn’t wow you on that first date but you’d maybe give them a second date if you got bored enough and lastly  the ones that just aren’t what you’re looking for but might be ok for one night.  This category also catches the men that you’re just not sure about in general.  Men please know you can move from this zone to any of the other upper categories.  You still have a chance.  She hasn’t put the negative label of creeper, danger or no go on you yet.  This is when you need to put some effort in.  This is also when men talk about women being hard to understand.  Were only hard to understand because we have put you in the I’m gonna mind fuck the shit out of him, maybe pile. Which is not meant to hurt you, it just means we don’t even freaking know.  Juries out on you, please do your best not to go the opposite way with this one  as its far to easy to turn into one of the men listed in the  negative zones. I believe in you, and have faith in you, just step it up and show your worth and you’ll be fine.  

A 1-4 crazy and a 5-7 hot this is our classic “Sorry Not Sorry Friend Zone”  Its very, very hard to move from this spot.  Women are pretty good at keeping you here if she’s classified you as a friend.  Know that you are probably sitting pretty here in this zone, I personally envision you drinking some virgin margarita while chilling with your white t-shirt and shorts on while she plays in her bikini in the water with the guy that took his shirt off and offered to pick her up and play chicken with the neighboring couple.  

Make some moves man, grow some balls.  You need to kiss a woman within the first or second date.  Any further you have indefinitely been classified as a friend, also when she asks you to a lunch date on date one or two or when she pays her own tab you have been friend zoned.  Im sorry, not sorry.  You can absolutely move from this zone, but its insanely hard if you have been put there, to get out  Stranger and more awesome things have happened though.  

 Next were moving on to the hotter type guys, we start with the 9-10 hotness but he’s a 7-8 on the crazy scale.  This is your “Im just here for a good time zone.”  You will not be marrying this guy.  You fully know going into it already he’s not meant to be in your life or long term guy.  He’s the good time boy, and you’re all about that good time.  This is your fear of commitment men, one night stands, your peter pans (the guy who doesn’t grow up for those that haven’t read my earlier blogs), the guy you met in the bar that one time, the guy that texts you on occasion and frankly just anyone you wouldn’t want to introduce your family or friends to. Again, this man can move out of this zone but if the woman feels that thats all he is or ever was or will be, he will most likely remain right there.  Its safe and comfortable for everyone involved. You’re not here for a long time, just a good time as the song states and sums up this part of the blog perfectly. 

Next we have our once again 9-10 hot, and our 6-7 on the crazy scale.  This is “Hey, were dating now zone”  We will and want to introduce these men to our parents, friends and possibly even kids if it gets serious enough.  You see a future with this man indefinitely and he has proven to have husband like qualities you could see being with for awhile.  You have fun when you’re together and fight rarely when apart.  You’re crazy about him, and he’s crazy about you. Putting this in more vulgar terms which just so happens to be one of my favorite ways to put things, this is the person you see sleeping with for a long time!  He satifys you sexually, mentally and emotionally.  You feel whole.  He’s also even grown to be a good friend of yours and someone you have built some trust into.  Sometimes you get your good time boy and hey were dating now zone guy twisted.  Its not your fault, one person just thought more of what it was than the other person.   Move on to the next hoping he will remain on the same page as you.  

We are still in the 9-10 hot category and this man weighs a easy 5-6 on the crazy scale.  This is the “he actually put a ring on it zone.”  He found you so charming and beautiful and the full package so much so that he decided he wanted all you had to offer enough to last him a lifetime.  He could have also knocked you up and now feels “its the right thing to do” regardless you got the ring.  These men have turned full domestic on you.  He does dishes, makes you sandwiches and even takes your temperature rectally when he thinks you have a fever and you feel fine.  Ok yeah, I went to far with that one.  But really you’ve got yourself a man who doesn’t drive you entirely crazy, he’s sweet, cares and loves you and wants to try this being with one human for a lifetime thing.  You’re a lucky woman to find him and I’d keep him safe if I were you.  Lots of women kill for the guy who even thinks or makes that plunge saying he would want to be with one woman his entire life.  Even if that woman is not her.  

Remaining in the 9-10 hot area, but this one rates a 3-5 crazy on the scale.  This my friends, is your “Pegasus Zone.”  This is your man who doesn’t actually exist.  He feels for you emotionally, without being too sensitive. He cares for his body and doesn’t ever let himself go or grow a beer gut.  He is ready to go when you are, for all of your sexual needs. Lets not kid ourselves either, have you seen the package on a pegasus?  He as well enjoys oral.  He draws you baths when you’ve had a hard day, even lights candles and offers massages and doesn’t expect sex afterward unless,  of course you’re game.  This man is your pegasus and earns his name by being so unbelievably in tune with your needs that you wonder if he’s even real.  Please much like the unicorn, study him, catch him, replicate him, and feed him plenty of bacon to keep him alive and happy.  Don’t let this one go, you’ll never find another.  He is rare.  

I know you’re ready for the finale here, lets wrap this puppy up and put a bow on it with the last and final category.  This is your 9-10 hot, and you’re 1-2 crazy.  He measures 1-2 mostly because you understand him so well.  You know his ins and outs and you know how to please him emotionally and mentally.  Mostly because its what you’d like someone to do for you.  You have caught yourself a true blue, no doubts about it gay man!  He in tune with you as much as you are in tune with him.  Congratulations honestly, I have said several times I could totally be game to outsource my sexual needs and raise a cute little family with a stud like hot gay man.   People would awe at us as we walked by, our family pictures would be on point because he’s fabulously awesome and fierce.  He understands your needs and grants you time to outsource your sexual desires of course you need to keep it on the down low because we don’t want to alarm the children.  You will have to also understand his needs for someone who isn’t you, and its not you because you have a vagina.  Regardless, you will go home that night, watch a chick flick and fall asleep with your head on his shoulder in heavenly matrimony.  Its not realistic but sure is sweet to think about isn’t it ladies?

That wraps this up, however I must state that just because I am the author of this piece doesn’t exactly mean I agree with everything said here.  Again its mostly like the original, was only meant for comedic value, not to hurt or harm anyone.  I also leave you women with the advice that when classifying the 9-10 hot on this scale please know that could mean he started as the 6 or 7 to you and made his way to your 9-10 on the hot scale.  The hottest men are not always the 9 or 10 on this scale. He changes your views by having an amazing personality or a sense of humor a woman would die to have in her life daily.  Men when I talk about hotness it doesn’t necessarily mean physically, it means the full package.  Mentally, Physically and Emotionally.  Now you may continue your regular daily life knowing the world is at balance again.  

[datingdummies-blog]

Single Parent

To boldly go where no man or woman has ever gone before?  Well you already know thats a lie with this type because not only has another man or woman already gone there, but they have even made a couple of bonus mini human/s to boot.  Spoiler alert, they're not a virgin and the days of being a “reborn virgin” and still being able to get away with it are long gone.  You can bet that with this type you are not taking the “easy” way out by any means and things will be challenging.  They come with not so easy to carry baggage. (approx 10-200lbs a piece, actually) The type of baggage that an airplane would tell you, you need a seat for. Its also extremely frowned upon and disruptive to the others when you try to stow it away in the upper compartment of the airplane and even more so when you try and just carry it on hoping it fits the specs. 

I’ll never forget the first day I really felt every single letter of the phrase “single mom.” I remember coming off of a 12 hour shift as a graveyard 911 dispatcher.  I was completely drained of any and all energy, had piles of laundry stacking up and my kids were due to be home in just a few short hours.  I was faced with a moment of choosing sleep or responsibility.  I remember staring at the pile of laundry wishing it would just fold itself or I had a partner to help me with that dirty, judgmental pile of laundry, but I had no one.  No one would be there to say “honey I got it, you rest” or “babe, go take a bath I got this.”  (Not that when I was married those phrases were ever mentioned anyway, except maybe in fantasies that ended in me sleeping and him cleaning). So I did what any other single mom probably does when faced with the same conundrum.  I slammed the door in the face of that bully pile of laundry and decided I would no longer allow things like piles of laundry to fold shame me in my own home.  I was a single mom now and things were going to change.  I mean my kids maybe had to sleep on that pile of clothes for a couple of weeks but ultimately I feel I won that battle.  I know to some of you, you're like who cares?  Anyone who knows me knows this bugged me regardless of my tough gangster posts about not caring.  I am mildly OCD and a pretty clean and responsible person so this moment was my ok, you just can't do it all moment and something had to give.

Being a single parent is tough work.  Generally we were put on this earth to procreate. Which also means the general idea of the situation is two parents, maybe even four parents when your parents eventually get remarried.  However being a single parent, you're just that, single, alone and doing a meant to be two person job.  You’re not allowed to look around and run pretending thats not  your kid in aisle ten at the store on the ground kicking and screaming about a candy bar.  When the dirty looks start coming my way when my kid is throwing a fit I just try to blend into the crowd and give dirty looks at the other parents pretending that whosever kid that is, better stop this shit show now because its downright embarrassing for that parent. Unfortunately for me and when the store clerk reviews the film and realizes its my kid, he requires me to take responsibility.  Possibly your kid might even call you out with a simple trail of tears while walking behind your grocery cart pathetically calling out to the candy bar that at the end of the shopping trip you will shamefully give in to, because as much as we enjoyed the store shit show we don't also want it to turn into the car ride home shit show.  

When reflecting on my childhood and thinking of the many good cartoon movies or shows that were available to me I remember the single parents in Disney and Pixar films.  Sadly, if you really think about the movies you watched as a kid, the mom is usually dying and the dad is left with the children. I believe it’s because Disney knows the most common person who stays home and cares for the kid is the mom so when you kill the mom off, the dad is left to not only play one role but two, and having to watch him be sensitive and vulnerable while still mourning the loss of his wife is just rough to watch but also makes for a good movie.  Typically women are better at showing, sharing and soothing their child’s emotions.   So while I know a man is capable of these things, Disney is cashing into the idea that watching a man do it is more entertaining or at least a lot more interesting for viewers to watch him try to  wear the many hats that can make up a single parent.  

When you sit down and really think about single parents in terms of cartoons. You will start to see so many more cartoons in a different light, because when you watched them as a kid you probably didn't give it a second thought.  SpongeBob, they have Mr.Crabs and his Whale daughter.  Not sure how this happened.  Maybe nickelodeon can explain this tale for us someday? Toy Story, it was Ms.Davis we never saw a dad so we have to assume death or divorce.  Aladdin, Jasmine’s dad was a single father.  Even down to Nintendo thinking of Mario Bros.  King Koopa had a million children but no Queen Koopa?! We don't even get an explanation on that one. Finding Nemo we all watched and maybe even shed a tear when the mom tried to protect her babies and ended up getting eaten leaving the dad alone to watch his one remaining child Nemo with his gimp fin on his own.  

in real life, cartoons, video games and movies one thing rings true for this type. They always put their kids first.  When you have a true blue solid single parent, you will always be second until you earn the right to share the number one spot with the kid/s.  This type is pretty known for their “flakiness” and how busy they tend to be.  Please don't lose faith in them.  They probably like you but once again they are putting their kids first.  Also babysitters are hard to find, trust and the cost is getting more expensive as the years go by.  

I think its important to address the initial asking of the question “Do you like kids?”  There is a huge difference between liking kids and actually being capable and willing to someday help raise them.  Yes you need to know that you're capable and wanting to be with the mother or father but the next thing you need to figure out is if you're capable of loving those kids and treating them as your own someday.  If you don't think you're up for that challenge, you need to let this amazing, strong, and independent woman or man go.  They don't have time for you, nor the energy to exert on catering to your needs.  When actually going on a date don't plan for a late night if they have their kids that night.  The typical babysitter watches the kids for about 4-6 hours tops and thats going to run the mom or dad about 50-100 dollars a pop.  So if you're a lady and he pays for you, please thank him at the end of the night and show your appreciation.  Going out with you cost him a good amount of money and he had to have been excited about you to be capable and willing to do that.  

Parents have curfews, and while we don't turn into a monster or a pumpkin at midnight we do end up losing lots of sleep.  Kids don't understand, nor should have to that mom or dad went out drinking last night and have a hangover that most people would be able to nurse all day.  But this type needs to buck up, put his or her panties on and be able to make breakfast and entertain these mini humans however they deem fit.  When they decide to leave you alone for a millisecond and the world goes quiet and you get a five minute power nap, you’ll be sure to wake up to your walls covered in peanut butter, your stove is smoking and the smoke alarm is undoubtedly going off. 

Another warning for the wise with this type is never, ever get involved with the ex and any drama that might come with these children.  Be the support, but never make yourself known to the issue.  It will only hurt your ex in the long run, any future possible friendship with the other half of the parenting equation and really it does no one favors especially the children involved.  Staying neutral is your best bet when it comes to anything with the ex. The single parent most commonly dates other single parents as well.  Single dad and moms just get each other already.  They understand their place and that the partner can't just drop everything and go out just because its taco Tuesday, hump Wednesday or thirsty Thursday. They also know they are capable of loving children and knowing the amount of work that goes into kids. When it comes to meshing the two families together it seems it could cause for some interesting combinations and you might need a bigger house for your Brady bunch sequel to continue.  However I think in the long run single parents finding each other is a beautiful thing.  I have also heard of many success stories built around a single mom or dad finding a completely kidless capable adult as well.  So really its dealers choice on this one and only you holding your hand can say whether or not you'd like to fold.  Make your choices wisely parents, this person will help mold these babies in the amazing human they will be someday.  

I have to say dating a single mom or dad does come with its perks!  I know I always carry some form of entertainment (like a hot wheels car or crayons) in my purse with me along with a countless number of snacks and I usually have juice boxes in my car for emergencies.  You probably were first attracted to this type because they're capable and determined, independent and strong and basically an all around life conquering badass. Yes they're complicated people at times and the situation you're entering does come with its challenges but ultimately they are gorgeous, loving, fulfilling, soul expanding, incredible people and you're lucky they want you to be apart of their life and their kids lives.  If they've chosen you to help mold these mini humans you know you're an important, worth while person that they are trusting.  So I leave you with this if you are dating this type currently, please always remember that the reason children have so much energy is because they're currently siphoning all of yours and their mom or dads energy like midget gasoline thieves.  

[datingdummies-blog]

Phil the Fixer and Sally the Saboteur

This is the all too classic story of Phil the Fixer and Sally the Saboteur.  This couple also has a pretty similar story to the classic Disney movie “Cinderella” without the fairy tale ending of course.  (Like we need to be reminded that life isn’t a fairy tale right?)  I decided to pair these two because they often times find each other in the game of love as they are one in the same person with different reactions to similar experiences in life.  Prince Charming and Phil are similar in the sense that they are both fixers.  He hunted, fought and bribed his way to find Cinderella and even when he found her and saw her for who she really was (a peasant) he still wanted to “save” her from not only herself but also save her from the endless amounts of self pity and the inability to get herself out of her situational hell she was living in.  Cinderella and Sally are similar in the sense that Cinderella is a runner.  Yes Cinderella has the deadline of midnight, but why never tell him her name?  Why make it near impossible for him to find her?  Why run?  Why does she have to make her perfect man work so hard for her.  The biggest difference between these two stories is at the end of this fairy tale, she runs him into the ground, crushes his spirit and leaves him feeling empty and alone. 

First I think we should identify if you, yourself happen to fall into one of these categories. 

Lets start with the Fixer.  I feel like you boys know if you’re the typical fixer as you normally end up in relationships where the woman is a massive train wreck and you stay far too fucking long.  She seems normal but once comfortable you are introduced to the exorcist like, spinning head and soon you will meet her alternate personality.  For fun you might call her Bridgett, however I recommend not telling her that you have come up with a name for this fun second personality as you have just now had the pleasure of meeting and lucky for you, it’s been just long enough for you to become completely emotionally attached. 

Knowing where the typical fixer started is key to knowing if you have landed yourself this dime piece of a man, because his childhood has a lot to do with his fixing tendencies.  Most fixers learned to fix early on in life.  They usually carried the huge responsibility within their family such as taking care of the younger siblings and sometimes taking care of their parents.  Really anytime a child is forced to almost switch spots with a parent and do things kids don’t normally do, they are at risk for becoming the typical fixer.  When becoming an adult after taking on such responsibility as a child they are left feeling a bit empty when being faced with the reality that there is no one left to be fixed. The younger siblings have left home to take care of themselves and become adults, and at this point hopefully the parents have realized the error of their ways as well or the fixer has left home and is not forced to watch their destructive ways any longer on a daily basis as they use to.  They are left only responsible for themselves.  They make it a mission subconsciously to find someone in need.  Let me make this clear, I don’t think they intend to find crazy train wreck type women I think they are drawn to these women and then feel like they can help and are turned on by the challenge this girl presents.  The one thing this type definitely won’t do is be turned off by your issues and abandon you.  They are born fighters, and will undoubtedly work hard for your love.  We will get to where the fixer goes wrong later.  Now lets move onto identifying the Sally the Saboteur.  

You can tell who Sally is almost immediately because while easy and almost eager to commit to all the wrong guys, when faced with someone who might actually be good for her and nurture her the way she needs, she becomes engulfed with the fear of reality that suggests if she were really truly happy in a relationship she could have that snatched away just as fast as it was given to her.  So instead she goes for men she knows it could never possibly work long term with because she is already prepared for the heart break that is patiently waiting behind that stop sign up ahead.  Men are drawn to Sally because she is extraverted, and can make friends with just about everyone. She straddles lines, finds the boundaries and makes sure she touches just about every button she can with a man.  

Typically just like the fixer she has a child hood that is probably to thank for these ways.  She was most likely abandoned by one parent or both.  She might have daddy issues or just plain issues with men she developed after a bad relationship or ten.  Sally might also possess a parent who seems disappointed with her no matter how much she accomplishes. Again it all results back to feeling alone, and abandoned by someone who was put on this earth to love and care for you no matter what you did or accomplished in life.  This type is famous for being one of the most caring individuals you will ever have the fine pleasure of meeting if you were the wrong man for her and if you were the right man you probably witnessed her running as fast as she could from you almost cursing the fact she decided to wear heels that day because running shoes would have been ten times faster and less painful.  It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care for you.  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  She cares for you so much that she worries that she will hurt you, or vice versa you will hurt her.  So instead she takes the cowards way out and runs away. 

I haven’t quite divulged into why or how I gained knowledge or insight into these two particular types.  I have had moments in my life that I am not proud of.  Moments that taught me what not to do, and what living and being a good person doesn’t look like. One particular moment that I replay most in my mind when thinking of these type of mistakes I have made is the moment I became Sally the Saboteur and Phil the Fixer was a man I called my best friend and someone I massively cared for.  I am not too proud to say I messed up, and big.  Not only did I lose a potential good, caring, nurturing and most certainly loving boyfriend.  But I lost a friend.  We as humans have to always keep in mind that to every thing we do in life has consequences.  This was mine, and only mine to pay.  

I was just coming down from the Angler, hurt and confused.  I had shut out my friends during the duration of the relationship and had barely any of my identity left.  I had crazy hours doing 911 dispatch that a life outside of working and being a single mom was nearly impossible.  I have no excuses for my actions, I am only explaining the situation and the mindset I was coming off of.  I felt alone, and like a mind numbing worker bee.  During this painful transition into the single world I reconnected with an acquaintance who was also going through a similar situation.   He trusted me with his secrets, made himself vulnerable and was an unwavering friend.  He was that lending ear I needed, and the person I texted when having a good or bad night, really just the person I texted every night.  We talked about everything, even other guys I was actively dating and he gave me sound advice on each.  He didn’t judge me, he only loved me for who I was. I could for once just be me and he not only mirrored my humor perfectly, and never even cringed at my vulgar and less than lady like jokes.  He just added to the hilarity, and that was us. Just a simple Phil and Sally situation about to go extremely wrong, or for the sake of this story about to go exactly as planned, playing into these two types and fitting into their roles perfectly.   

So just as our roles would suggest, he actively pursued me and I rejected him, and continued to wallow in my self pity and be broken, except this time I was back to being alone. When realizing the error in my ways, I apologized, I expected anger.  But was shell shocked when greeted with forgiveness, kindness  and acceptance he also even went on to tell me that I was a good person and that everyone makes mistakes.  

However my price to pay is that Phil and I will never be the same, he will never trust me with his secrets and being vulnerable with me is a thing in the past. I don’t blame him, and if the roles were reversed I might have even chosen the low road.  Like writing a comedy dating blog using only nicknames utilizing examples from my private relationships to my advantage? Maybe, I might have even told him to kick rocks, or say nothing at all.  

At the end of the day the typical fixer is an amazing man.  He is husband, father and best friend material.  He fights for you.  To lose this man is truly only your loss at the end of the day, because sadly for you and I, he will undoubtedly go on to find another.  He is the long term relationship type of man. He will find a woman who not only appreciates and sees his value and the amazing qualities he brings to the table but she will cherish him and make him feel full and loved.  She will do everything you failed to do and more.  He deserves this for his life, and you will only be invited to the viewing party that is social media.  Please don’t try and hurt this man again.  Wish him well, and let him move on with his life.  He deserves the best, and even though he so badly wanted it to be you, you were incapable of holding the heart he wanted to put in your hands.  If any woman finds one of these men, please capture him and replicate him.  We need more fixers and less Anglers and Three-Petes in this world.  It’s time we appreciate these men for the non game playing, amazing men they are.

I leave you with this for the Phil’s reading this.  If you are in love with a Sally currently, you should cancel the subscription to her issues and move on.  You deserve better.  If you’re a Sally reading this, do what Cinderella and I did with our lives.  Change your shoes (metaphorically of course) it can change your whole life and your outlook on how you should be treated and maybe even open up your eyes to really see who your real Prince Charming is. Sally you deserve happiness in your life too.  But you have got to peel yourself from your situation and get your shit together. You’re not ready for this man right now. Let him go.

XOXO JESS

[datingdummies-blog]

The Angler

I hate to start this chapter off with yet another cartoon movie, however had it not been for this movie shedding light on this deep ocean character I would have never even known it existed.  I’m talking about the all too classic, Finding Nemo.  Dory and Marlin have this moment where they are both captivated by “the light” as they draw closer, and closer they start to see it’s just a rouse.  It’s actually an Anglerfish ready to feast on an unsuspecting clown fish and regal tang.  Which I for one, being its a kid movie am glad they came to their senses quickly and retreated prior to being eaten.  I however wasn’t as fortunate. 

Anglerfish have a fleshy growth that grows from its head and lures its prey in.  This carnivorous fish has a huge head with an evil crescent shaped mouth and long fang like teeth that are angled inward in such a way that the prey is trapped and not going anywhere fast,  other than to its digestive system.  Male Anglerfish even have specialized eyesight built for identifying its mates (or in my case victims) in the dark environments.  Just a couple reasons why this type of man has the perfect nickname of “The Angler.”

I can’t really describe this type without first giving you a little idea of what my life looked like when I became this certain types, type.  I had landed myself in the ICU for ten days with something as simple as tonsillitis, that went bad and FAST.  I was VERY sick to say the least.  Actually, pretty much on my death bed surrounded with friends and family visiting to say their “goodbyes.”  I went into septic shock with severe acute organ failure and had a blood clot I named “Boris” who would later go on to fight my surgically placed PICC line “Pierre.”  I remember cracking jokes on a daily basis as I do when going through anything hard.  Hence, why I'm writing a dating comedy book.  I nicknamed my ailments all of which had some pretty gnarly battles to which the strongest would survive.  I had an imaginary relationship and marriage with the man who came in to draw my blood every morning for my blood culture.  He was going to break me out and we were going to have ten kids and live happily ever after.  I’m also pretty sure the nurses thought I was either intensely crazy or just plain fun.  Either way I was sick and going no where fast so I had to make it fun.  

While mastering the art of paper airplane making, watching every super hero sci-fi film Kaiser had to offer and making up fantasies and people only I could see, I also was talking to a man (yes, this time a real man) I would in just a few short months grow to hate.  But in this moment I was infatuated!  He was a tall, had a body builder build with an amazing smile.  He also managed to text me just about every insane minute I was in the hospital.  We talked endlessly into the wee hours of the morning and the relationship was off to a very quick and amazing start!  This specific type is known for mainly his narcisstic ways.   I don't just say that because he is built and tall and beautiful.  I say this because of the mind fuck the next three months would give me leaving me alone, wondering when I would get my next hit of the drug he had to have been giving me during the duration of our relationship.  I was drawn to him, and felt that I needed him.  I played into his hand perfectly.  I was exactly what he was looking for.   Someone vulnerable, naive and enough passion and happiness for life that he would have no problem sucking the life right out of me leaving me with nothing and damn near unrecognizable to even myself.  

 For those of you wondering what I mean by mind fuck, it means you are so in love and enamored with someone you look past the negative qualities and the red flags that are posted with warning signs to boot and you keep moving forward, fully knowing you’re heading for a very steep cliff where you will bleed, and death is certain. See real, true narcissists have a game they like to play and are fully aware they are playing.  They start the relationship a perfect specimen designed specifically for you.   They have done their homework.  They know your ins and outs and are just waiting to hook, line and sink your ass.  They first make you entirely dependent on them.  This stage is called the Idealization stage.  In these moments you are being showered with attention and affection.  You wonder if you have ever even been loved before because this love was so different from any other kind of love you have ever had.  This manipulation technique is to lay the ground work to make you completely dependent on him so when he takes it away it will hurt that much more.  

Little did I know I was looking right into the light and being mesmerized by its beauty only to be awoken from this dream like sequence to sharp fang like inward shaped teeth with an evil crescent shaped mouth staring back at me ready to pounce, and thats exactly what he did, pounce.    

Anglerfish males when finding his mate or a woman he deems fit to be his mate he bites into her skin and releases an enzyme  that digest the skin of his mouth and her body, fusing the pair down to the blood-vessel level. 

The next stage of the typical narcissistic relationship is when the victim starts to uncover the real man hidden behind the pretty light that drew you closer. This is when you uncover the man behind the curtain.  Sadly for you this is not a game show and it won't be bachelor number one, two or three. He will never show you these things, you will simply stumble upon them because he's not very good at hiding his tracks.  When you do finally find these things about him you approach him immediately.  Hurt, broken and confused and you confront him only to leave the conversation not even sure how it was resolved.  In fact you walked away and now you feel guilty, and like you’re to blame for even finding this material, he thought he had hidden so deep.  This is called “blame shifting.”  This is a cowards way out. You will spend one entire minute talking about your pain and hurt and what he did and then you will spend fifty nine minutes defending yourself about everything you've ever done in your life.  You won't feel validated or heard in anyway.  You’re his main source of fuel at this moment whether you intend to feed him positive or negative energy.  So of course when he blame shifts you, and turns things around making you enemy number one taking grenades for his hurtful actions, you actually walk away feeling you have betrayed and hurt him. This is when I started to slowly see the cliff edge coming at me and the only way out was down.  It all came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks or in this case as the mouth was shutting and the darkness was seeping in.  

The next stage of this type is known as the devaluation phase because at the start of the relationship he built you up so high and had you on this pedestal that now you need to be knocked down a couple feet because he's become bored with you and now just the sight of your face is repulsive.  Unfortunately for me, during this phase is when I had a really hard night as a 911 dispatcher.  See, every 911 dispatcher has certain types of calls that trigger something for them.  Never in the moment, but later when reflecting as we do driving home we start to realize wow, that was a really fucked up thing I heard today.  I had one of these moments, and unfortunately for me I was being devalued and he had nothing for me.  I asked, begged and pleaded him to just hold me, love me, be there for me.  He couldn’t be bothered with my issues and would go on to feel repulsed by even the thought of my touch.  All the things he loved and praised me for being in the start of the relationship were the things he now hated about me.  

The last and final stage is the discard phase.  This is when you are being thrown  away and abandoned.  He won't directly break up with you because he needs to siphon as much energy as he can from you.  You're going to have to be the one who walks away.  The one who grows the back bone and says “no more.” This was the phase where I packed my bags, loaded up my car and drove away never to return.  It was during this phase I said “I am too full of life, and I worked way to hard to leave my marriage to be half loved by anyone.”  I won't tolerate it and anyone else going through this should never tolerate it either.  The moment I was driving away I remember sighing, knowing it would be a hard road to recovery but I was relieved to be away.  It took me a long time to recover from such a short relationship.  I still have moments where I am angry at myself for how much I allowed this type to control my life.  I am stronger for this man having been in my life.  I also am aware of what to look out for in the future.  As I said with Three-Pete, I will always care for Angler but he will never be allowed back into my life again.  

I am thankful to him for showing me what real love isn't.  Real love isn't immediate, its worked on constantly.  Real love doesn't abandon you the minute you need it most.  A normal person doesn't just turn love off, but narcissists can turn it off just as easily as they turned it on. Lastly, please always remember that real love isn't painful.  Anglers use love as a tool to con people just as the Anglerfish uses their light to con other unsuspecting fish to come closer.  

While this was a very painful time in my life followed by many internal break downs I just want you to leave you remembering when dealing with this type of woman or man, that every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years. Isn't it comforting to know one day you will have a body he or she will have never even touched!  

XOXO Jess 

[datingdummies-blog]

Three-Pete

This chapter will be entirely based on the classic Peter Pan type of man and how we usually end up making these guys the also just as classic, repeat offender.  In my case I allowed this man to throw me through three emotional roller coasters, only fit for your dog when his tummy hurts and he needs to discard his shit outside. So this chapter is appropriately named “Three-Pete.” 

I was enamored with his zest for life, his commanding presence when walking into a room, and his general lack of concern for what anyone thought of him.  He made me feel amazing.  He looked at me and you almost see the attraction he felt toward me and it was dripping off of me like sweat. He looked at me like I was his favorite candy bar, however that's all I ever was.  A candy bar.  This type feeds off of the chase.  The minute he no longer has you, or if you never allowed him to catch you, you become his number one target. 

Pete covets his independence, his freedom, and opposes any boundaries, limits and tends to find any restriction down right intolerable.  You become blinded by the way he looks at you, touches you, how he makes you feel when you’re together.  However the minute you’re not together he forgets you ever existed and starts walking his own way again.  You feel empty, alone and the friend you thought during the duration of your relationship you were in the process of gaining or gained is now gone.

 He longs to be living in Neverland where he can fly and not worry about responsibility.  Which given the amount of drugs he has probably tried in his life he knows what flying with a pixie or even a couple pixies might feel like.  The only problem if you remember the classic Disney movie of Peter Pan is he tries very hard to drag Wendy down with him.  He even says “Forget about them Wendy.  Forget them all, and come with me where you’ll never have to worry about grown up things again.”

He makes promises he doesn’t intend to keep.  He never keeps a schedule and when he tells you he’s going to do something, never think he’s good for his word because unless it lines up perfectly with his schedule, it won’t be happening.  He doesn’t value your time, effort and isn't concerned for your feelings. His long term goals won’t include you in anyway especially if your life requires any extra set of responsibility.  If you are ever to face a hard time in your life, the one thing you can count on this type for, is retreating the other way when actually having to even try and pretend they care for you in that moment.  Life is one big party and unless you’re willing to cater to his party he will end up devouring and throwing his beloved candy bar away, knowing he can go buy a new one at the store at his next available opportunity. 

I don’t know about you but when I eat a candy bar I don’t stop until that candy bar is gone.  Sometimes I even get a little crazy with it and l lick the wrapper to make sure I have ingested every calorie that candy bar has offered me.  This type of man will not only do just that but if the wrapper was edible, he would even go as far to eat that too.  We are drawn to these type because they’re everything we are not.  We are challenged by our responsibilities in life, we even get a disgusting sick adrenaline rush like a junkie might when being crashed out on a heroin binge when we accomplish them.  Peter Pan’ s do have responsibility in life but are only doing the bare minimum to accomplish goals so they can move on with what they want to do with their day. 

So you can imagine when a Peter Pan is watching you, looking at you and studying you, he’s already exhausted himself by you. He wants to do with you as he does with his daily responsibility because that's what you are to him now. He feels like you are a chore to his life. You have now made it to his responsibility list and unfortunately for you that list is one person to long and I’m sorry to say but you wont be making the cut. It reminds me of the time I walked in the gymnasium at Newberg High after being told I should try out for the dance team and that they wouldn't be cutting anyone so why wouldn’t you go for it.  Well I walked out of there as defeated as I am with this type, with my head held low being the only girl cut from the nobody is getting cut dance team. 

Peter Pan-Would you send me to school?

Wendy-Yes

Peter Pan-Then to the office?

Wendy-I suppose so

Peter Pan-Soon I should be a man?

Wendy-Very soon

Peter Pan-I don't want to go to school and learn solemn things.  No one is going to catch me lady and make me a man.  I want to always be a little boy and have fun. 

When thinking back to the movie Peter Pan (which was a favorite of mine as a kid mind you)  I am reminded of the scene where Peter takes Wendy to see the mermaids.  The mermaids mock Wendy and make her feel terrible and not good enough for Peter, even though they themselves possess no legs and live in the water where Peter could never survive, much less breathe in.  Peter lets them harass and mock her and even goes on to do it to her as well.  He has no loyalty to Wendy, yet she still longs for him and keeps fighting for him after her feelings of abandonment and shame disappear.  I am still in awe of this moment as I watch this famous Disney movie and think I would never let a man treat me this way.  I even gasp at the moment he starts to himself make fun of her thinking “no way, I'm a strong woman and I'd cut any man who tried to make me look like a fool.”  I am then shut up when remembering the moment I allowed three-pete back into my life not once, not twice but three times ending with only tales of abandonment after being told he would never do the things I already knew he would go on to do. 

Will there be another victim to this?  Absolutely, even though Three-Pete knows he is not capable of loving long term he knows his short game is good and he knows he will gain energy from whatever source he deems entertaining to him in that moment.  He knows he is attractive and can accomplish the things he really sets his mind to.  For this reason, and this reason alone I do fully believe he will be successful in life and accomplish something even though he longs for purely selfish things at the end of his day.  I care for Three-Pete as I do with every man that gets written in my book.  But Three-Pete is one of the few who have made my “did me dirty list” and I won’t be inviting him anymore to enter into my life. I am not here to teach you how to avoid these men because how can I teach something I still can’t myself do.  I am only writing my tale to hopefully shed light on this type and give you hope that at the end of the day you can still make something not great into something wonderful.  I end this tidbit of this chapter with the words you should tell yourself when coming across this guy.  Getting in a relationship may seem like a good idea at the time.  But so was getting on the titanic you guys see what kind of fucked up shit happened there. 

XOXO

JESS

[datingdummies-blog]

You can hurt her, but it will be temporary.  She knows how to love, but she also knows how to love herself.  If you cross that line forcing her to choose, understand you will lose.  #lovingme #loveyourself #yourebeautiful #justthewayyouare #dontletthemangetyoudown #legoooo

[datingdummies-blog]

Where did you come from? Why are you here? What’s your story?

These are a few common questions we all experience on the typical first date along with many other very surface level questions.  The first date is always the worst.  I say this because no matter who you are, you’re never fucking comfortable.  When I became single after being married to my ex husband for seven years and being his on and off girlfriend for an additional 6 years before that, I was lost.  I had no idea how to flirt, how to spot the guys who had no intentions of following through with their promises of the future and most importantly how to pick the decent ones.  I not only found myself walking away,but sprinting and running, even hurdling from the ones that could actually offer me happiness.  Here I stand over a year of being post divorce and still struggling with my picker.  For those of you who don’t know what a “picker” is its your internal way of picking the men you think you might have a future with.  My picker likes bad boys, drinkers, smokers and a rap sheet most would be appalled by. 

I have decided to start this blog to not only tell my stories and transform my pain into humor as I typically do.  But I wanted to reach out to those who have had similar experiences.  I wanted you to be able to share your story and even possibly be able to add to it to transform my book into something great knowing I will relate to more than just myself.  I have put men into categories.  I will never tell you guys a story that adds a mans name, but rather a nickname I have come up with for each one.  I am not saying any of these men are unworthy of love but more I just wasn’t the one for them and vice versa. I may seem like I am beating up their character at times but really I am just a female who has come up with a bunch of non scientific ways of finding humor in the way men handle women.  

I am sure many of you out there have found the man of your dreams and are living happily ever after.  I however, am still desperately seeking my happy ending (no pun intended) and I’m hoping my ending chapter of my book will be just that.  A happy ending (again get your minds out of the gutter) and a man who I can say exactly what you are saying now.  However when reading my blog take yourself back to your dating days and try and remind yourself why and how you got to where you are now.  I am worthy of a love as great as yours and I will find it.  But in the meantime I am looking forward to putting my experiences on paper and hoping we can share a good laugh out of it.  Thank you for reading my first EVER blog post.

P.S. If you’re an ex I apologize ahead of time.  Very few people in my life will know exactly who I am talking about if it makes you feel any better.  At the end of the day this is my story and only mine to share.  You are just a casualty and a nickname to my readers.

XOXO Jess