datjellybarbs

[datjellybarbs]

Hiatus

Didn't know that I am lost until I take a pause of my journey. I'm glad to those person who help me reach where I am and to all of those who believe in me.

I saw a post that say "As long as you keep on living, you'll find what you're seeking" and I guess it was poetic since till this day, I'm still looking for what I seem cannot find.

For the meantime, let me explore myself a little bit longer.

So long,

Reaching 2 | Eden

[datjellybarbs]

Can I?

A clichés that you find in the movies hoping for it to happen to your life. A crash course of what is supposed to feel when it hits. I thought that it was only possible to feel that way since it was a scripted scene to embody the exaggerated way of loving.

Yet when I'm with you, those things come naturally to let you feel like you're seen. They say that if you've met a person with your same wavelength, there won't be another day to not think since you will be missing them. So why do I feel that way to you?

It feels like seeing you from afar is not enough, I want to hold and stay with you until the sun sets and when our path is seperated due to the day being finished. I hope that you will know that I will be at the same spot where you left;

Waiting for you

Longing for you

[datjellybarbs]

Hope

A flicker of light that was coming on a tall candle that is self sustainable on an abandoned building. Keeping the establishment cozy and warmth with its fire that is lighting the whole room.

Yet what if the candle got extinguished? By a sudden wind that enter the premises? Or what if there's changes on the source of warmth making the candle lose its self sustained system. Slowly dying by itself.

Will the whole house be burnt by the effort of the candle or will it just be forgotten, just like the lodge it was trying to shone its brightness to keep the area occupied?

[datjellybarbs]

heights

a long journey, uphill battle where only myself is the contestant. A struggle to reach the peak, yet once at the top is satisfying. A lone battle where myself is all I have and the only joy that awaits me is the feel that the world itself is big enough for only myself.

A self reflecting moment where every step and every second feels like I evaluate myself to every choices and paths that I made; it was melancholic for some days, and some days filled of laughter to those dumb things that I've done for the past years.

Yet, here you are, near at the peak, looking at me like you were waiting for me a long time ago. I don't know your struggles and you don't know mine and yet you look at me with those dazzling eyes like it will be okay as long as there's someone beside you; which is you.

Waiting for someone at peak might be the same as climbing it; alone with the beautiful scenery which you can't share. Isolated to your own nightmare and dream yet daringly await to a person which might not come on which you share your endeavors that you've experienced.

I hope I don't lose you yet who am I to decide if you are now letting go of the yearning of mine, I'll be waiting to the day we switched side;

I'll be here at the peak awaiting at the day you come, just like you.

[datjellybarbs]

???

What happen? Was it all a dream? Someone's probably playing tricks on me. I just woke up and you are here in my arms, sleeping like nothing happen. I'm baffled to the point that I woke you up, not knowing why I was crying.

Days passed by, and you're still here.

Haha, man, the years I suffer was all just a dream, all throughout the pain that I endured, washed away every time I see you, smiling at me; not knowing what I've been through.

A new beginning to a sorrowful dream without you.

4/3

[datjellybarbs]

distraction

Looking back, it was really a struggle. To live without you, but what can I do? the show must go on and time won't wait for someone, not even for me.

There was some hiccups recovering from you, on us. Yet, every time the calendar hits the day you left me. It pains me, I feel like I didn't even try. As if I didn't try to reach you, a ship that was drowning and my boat is too big for two and yet, you decided that I need to fill the boat by myself.

But years passed, everything is changing and every year, it hurts, but I've come to accept that I can't bring you back.

I hope you find your footing on were you are right now, cause I hate you on how you treated yourself but kept looking to save me, when you can't even save yourself.

3/3

[datjellybarbs]

death

But what happened? yesterday feels like eternity, and yet today feels like suffering, how come you do this to me?

Why would you let your dreams be only meaningless? Was it easy for you to lift up others and yet you keep digging your grave by yourself.

You became a hypocrite that I hate due to the fact that I was here, willing to listen to everything you need to say yet you only give me that warm smile, god I hate that smile.

Do you really need to let go of everything and make me suffer through this agonizing pain through the scar that won't heal by time?

You're selfish to the point that I really feel like I go back to where I started.

A start without you.

2/3

[datjellybarbs]

love

To look into your eyes with full of hope and dreams, a day to be alive and a future to be look forward. You complete my day as if it was full of holes and you are the only one who can fill it up.

The way your hair flutter in the wind and your smile that can reach heavens, your laughter that can make me melt. I live for times like this.

You bring sunshine to my life full of sadness and you make it like living more bearable, I wake to look forward on good things to happen because of how you encourage me.

Oh how beautiful my life when you come over.

1/3

[datjellybarbs]

To me;

Everything is hard now, huh? Every step is burdensome and every sigh is as heavy as the world. To be basked by the warm sunlight is a luxury that feels wrong.

Oh how unkind the future to you, the old you thinks that you can be whoever you are and yet, the expectations aren't met, only a battered man remains on the unending hope of your ghosts expects.

If it saw you, "You can rest, there will be a day that you will pick up the pace once again, so don't rush."

How kind to be the old jolly you?

[datjellybarbs]

March may be the sunshine, but april sorrows.

[datjellybarbs]

"You said hi?"

"Yeah, miss me?"

"I don't know, I just remember being so much brighter, I guess"

"I definitely feel like I'm at the beginning of all this I wanted to be beautiful. I don't know, and I guess that's the best thing to take it"

Feels like I was never even at your peripheral, like, I was just there to be at the right place to be where you are; a passenger that will be left off when you reach your destination.

And suddenly all of my mistakes and yours feels like nothing.

Oh how ironic that a beautiful flower that you said will never wither in a million years become a poison that should wither.

All I can say is that, why? Why the ghost of you haunts me at an unexpected time where I was able to not think of you?

Then I remember;. "the more you know who you are and what you want, the less you think upsets you"

"i tried everything I want, but I'm mediocre" "I'm not worried about you, you'll figure it out"

https://youtu.be/geZ_5Ri7ANg?si=EGPmzB_1s9oj3Yzz

[datjellybarbs]

Higa

Tuwing dadating ang katapusan ng araw, sa lahat ng pagod at hirap; tila ba pahinga ang pag higa at pagtingin sa kisameng walang laman kundi bumbilya at ang apat na sulok ng silid.

Tumitigil ang mundo at tila wala ka nang paki sa mga mangyayari sa tuwing ikaw ay nakahiga, tila ba tumitigil ang mundo upang ipamukha sayo na p'wede ka nang mamahinga dahil tapos na ang mga kalbaryong iyong dinanas ngayong araw.

Napakasarap isipin na kahit napakagulo na ng panahon, sa pagtapos nang araw ay siyang dadating sa iyo na parang inang yumayakap sa kanyang sanggol.

Ngunit bakit sa bawat pikit at bawat hikab ng aking bibig ay tila ba ako'y nababagabag na ito na ang huling pahinga? na tila ako'y wala nang karapatan upang ito maranasan pang ulit?

[datjellybarbs]

indistinguishable

Oh how beautiful to see yourself self destruct, a once dedicated person become self hypocritical to the point where you're lost.

Oh how lost you are little young lamb, gaslighting yourself to the point that you can't see ahead.

How am I so miserable that I can't baffle on what's happening, a literal lost that I can't think of anything but laugh.

Is this how I fall? Will it be okay to lay down for awhile and let the moment pass until I can stand up again and be more manageable?

Will the world think that it is unfair to give up and let the it rotate without me? Oh how low did I become to think of this thoughts that I'm letting myself down but what can I do? I'm only a human who fall and get swept by the wave due to not resisting to it.

I am drowning and yet I'm not doing anything to fight it.

Oh

how

low

I

have

fallen

"I am speechless, I am drained, let me rest for a bit"

[datjellybarbs]

Season

Oh to be loved like the summer.

To be embraced through chilling winter

To spend eternity with fall

And to fall inlove again through spring.

I like to think that every season has it's own glow, like the way I admire you from far away as the summer breeze passed through.

I don't know why I feel this way when it comes to you. But every spring and summer comes winter and fall; spring and summer feels like day dream yet winter and fall feels like reality.

A day dream where it's all sunshine and daisy, a feeling that makes you smile throughout without feeling emptiness.

But to feel the reality where it is not always rainbows and ponies; a point where it hurts but you still feel the embrace of those warm hands clinging onto you.

Oh to be loved through chilly nights where your bare feelings is seen. To be vulnerable yet firm.

I will go through the seasons if it means to be with you until the last thing that I see is

you;

[datjellybarbs]

Loop

Everything feels like a chores. Waking up and doing the usual thing that you do everyday. But when you've come to my life, it doesn't feel like a chore. It is more like an activity that I look forward to everyday, it feels like im repeating myself but this is the kind of repetition that I won't get tired of.

To be bewitched, captured, and lured by alluring me to your embrace. I felt like I was driven mad by some force that can't be seen yet I don't want to fight this feeling if the outcome is to be yours.

To be bored to death with you, to be by your side without even doing anything; everything feels like a moment well spent, an eternity that I can tolerate.

Light might not come tomorrow, but I know that you will shine throughout the darkness.

[datjellybarbs]

Gestures

A small yet impactful move to others. A nod, wave, or smile can make a person jubilant for the rest of the day. It may be a small appreciation towards another but for others, it might affect their whole day by that gestures.

It was the same for me, the thought of you thinking of me make my heart tremble, a look to me that I caught a glimpse of feels like eternity and the gifts that worth more than everything in the world is like a luxurious towards me.

I appreciate everything that you do, even the way you care for yourself; I don't know what's happening but I like it. Every time we meet feels like I'm in a fever dream that I don't want to wake.

Oh how low I have fallen for a goddess like you.

[datjellybarbs]

evening breeze

A solemn embrace of the dark and windy breeze of evening; quiet and cold yet warmth and buzzing.

Dead air fills the atmosphere yet I longed for the words that you utter. How bad did I fall for you that every night, I saw us being together walking through this night evening fog, holding hands and caring to each other's embrace.

if only this night were ours to claim forever.