daveywankenobie

[daveywankenobie]

Re-connect

I think that one of most pernicious effects of the pandemic is that aside the fact it’s made everyone perpetually fearful about every aspect of their daily lives – it’s also made practically everyone feel older. I know I feel that way. I don’t just feel it physically, but mentally too. For a long time I suspected that it was a symptom of depression – because I’m sure that there are times I’ve…

[daveywankenobie]

Six Years

I’m getting to the point where I forget what this time of year means now – and that’s both a good AND a bad thing because for some time the end of January (specifically the 26th and the 28th) has represented some big annual milestones. Although I haven’t been particularly prolific with regard to my writing these days I have often blogged about these two anniversaries and laid down thoughts…

[daveywankenobie]

Plug hole

It’s cold. As I type the sensation of chilly tightness in my fingertips is evident and my laptop is rocking back and forth on a pillow that sits atop a duvet that’s wrapped around my legs. Music is playing in the background and without me choosing a song, YouTube started playing ‘Mr Blue Sky’ by ELO. Now the the track has flipped to another by Jeff Lynne – and is saying repeatedly ‘Don’t bring…

[daveywankenobie]

Re-Emerging

I don’t take enough breaks – and I really should. There’s pressure all the time to get things done – but during the working day I rarely take a moment to stop and make a drink – let alone step away from my desk. Even if I do step away from my keyboard I rarely take my full time allowed. I know I’m not alone in pandemic life in this respect – and from what I read online my total average hours…

[daveywankenobie]

Subscription renewed

Sigh. Its the weekend – and I’m looking at my bank account. After a ‘minor tech refresh’ it’s taken a beating recently. Many of my favourite things had outlived their usefulness and (in my view anyway) needed to be replaced with newer ones. I’d resisted doing this since being made redundant in 2016 – but now I feel settled in my job (I was finally taken on in a permanent capacity late last…

[daveywankenobie]

Infrequent frequency

For reasons beyond my understanding people still seem to be reading my blog posts – even though (for a variety of reasons) I’ve stopped writing them frequently. It’s now been months since the last one. I could make up all manner of excuses to justify my reasoning behind this – but the truth is that I haven’t wanted the extra burden of putting my thoughts out into the world when I don’t like…

[daveywankenobie]

Fatigued

I can’t think of another word to describe how I feel. It seems to sum up every aspect of who I appear to be as a person currently – and recently I really don’t like who stares back at me in the mirror. He looks tired, overweight and drawn – and if I’m not mistaken he’s noticeably much whiter in the beard and thinner on top than he was year or so ago. My other half tells me I’m loved (and I know…

[daveywankenobie]

2020 - the bowl before the flush

2020 – the bowl before the flush

I’ve always been good at finding excuses – and 2020 has provided more reasons than most for me to say ‘I will do X because of Y’. Need to stay indoors rather that go outside? Thats a great idea. It’s dangerous outside so staying indoors is sensible. Need a new piece of technology? No problem – there’s a pandemic. You deserve it. Need to over indulge? Well why not – after all you’ve had a hard…

[daveywankenobie]

Mr Spud we like

Mr Spud we like

In a moment that would only occur in our current climate I froze whilst walking down the road at lunchtime the other day.

I was heading to the shop near where I work and had realised that although I’d remembered my carrier bag (something I’ve always been rather particular about) I’d completely forgotten my face mask.

It’s not yet the law to wear face masks in shops or in public – but I’d promised…

[daveywankenobie]

Witzelsucht and Thabo Mbeki

Witzelsucht and Thabo Mbeki

I really really wish sometimes that my mind didn’t work overtime – because it means I lose a lot of sleep for no good reason.

Last night was no exception and no matter how many times I’ve tried to square various (frankly inconsequential and unimportant) circles in my head last night they just wouldn’t change shape. As soon as I am tired of thinking about one then another one comes along, and…

[daveywankenobie]

Post coital parcels

I’ve genuinely missed writing my blog of late – but every time I’ve come close to starting a post I’ve been flooded with the realisation that I can’t face up to writing about what I’m mulling over in my head.

At this point in the proceedings I tend to shut down, close off and move instead to other diversionary pursuits. These are temporary fixes that take my mind off what’s truly going in inside…

[daveywankenobie]

Still here...

Still here…

I think it’s fair to say that I (like many others) have not coped with lockdown very well.

Although its myriad of restrictions are slowly lifting I find myself still unwilling (and in some cases unable) to engage with the world again. There’s no vaccine, there’s no cure, people seem oblivious to the dangers and I can’t stop worrying about what might happen if a moment of carelessness leads to me…

[daveywankenobie]

Climbing down from the ceiling

In some ways life over the last week has been both stressful and disagreeable – but in others it’s also been just what I needed.

On Wednesday last week I awoke at about 5.30am with an oddly persistent dry cough that just didn’t seem to want to go away.

It lasted well over two hours and by the time to I needed to leave for work rolled around I was beginning to panic.

What should I do?

The NHS 111…

[daveywankenobie]

This week I’ve made a concerted effort to stick to the guidance outlined by the government – and when I did my (rather large) shop at Tesco last Sunday the aim was to not leave the house even for a pint of milk until the following week.

Prior to that I have to admit I’d been popping into the Co-op near my workplace a couple of times a week on the way home to get cow juice and other small ‘necessities’. However – when you weigh the need for a packet of hot cross buns against the danger of catching something potentially deadly such tasty treats somewhat lose their appeal.

Therefore this week I’ve only left the house to go to work and to exercise.

One thing I’ve realised lately though is that now the fallback tactic I’ve been using for dealing with stress, life and weight issues for the last four years (namely going for a ****ing long walk) has been rationed I’m really struggling.

Working every day in an isolated and unfamiliar office without people around me can be a lonely and stressful affair. As you might imagine at the moment anyone that’s in the business of enabling or supporting home working solutions is in high demand from their users.

The pressure to not only provide quality but rapid support is ever present.

It’s a never ending challenge – and I go home a lot of the time feeling like I’m somehow not good enough or that I should know more or be better in some way. I’m still new at what I do and it’s difficult having no-one around me, regardless of how industrious I try to be.

I try to throw myself into my work but with no-one to talk to I find my breaks either get later and later, missed altogether, or taken at my desk reading work e-mail in an attempt to catch up.

It’s mostly because I’m a people person who has no-one nearby to bounce off that I’m struggling.

I’m only a couple of weeks into the current working arrangements (which show no sign of returning to normal any time soon) and I’m already preoccupied with wishing it will all end ASAP.

However I’m not completely alone – there are other people dotted about in other rooms elsewhere in the building. Also, once a day I get to say hello to a cheerful cleaner that comes in to disinfect all of the contact surfaces on doors and work tops nearby.

He’s a nice fellow – and has been keen (since I first engaged him in conversation) to share funny texts that his friends send him, as well as amusing songs he’s found that parody the current lockdown events.

On Wednesday he showed me something that I knew I had to take home – especially given the current national obsession.

  As soon as I saw the picture on his (2 metres socially distant mobile phone screen) I knew my other half would be tickled pink by them – and I immediately googled it on my own phone – initially intending to buy a pair for her.

The moment passed however and I was pulled back into my work.

When I returned home I remembed what I’d seen and showed her the picture from my search (the above pair are from Etsy – the link to the page is here) and to my surprise she matter of factly said ‘I think I can make those myself.’

‘Really?‘ I said.

‘Yes – I think I have the beads upstairs…’ she replied.

She’s got loads of craft supplies in teeny little drawers – and loves making jewellery so I guess this shouldn’t have taken me aback – but in some respects we’re still learning about each other’s talents.

Making little trinkets is definitely something that she’s really good at, and although my other half still buys earrings and necklaces all the time (we have several special storage areas set aside in the house) she also makes a lot of her own – such as this chain maille bracelet and pendants.

I remember visibly gulping back when we first started thinking about eachother romantically – becuase she admitted over text that she had a quite a thing for jewelery.

I have always associated this kind of thing with gold and precious stones – and (maybe wrongly) viewed ladies that wear a lot of it as ‘high maintenance’.

We all have our own likes and loves mind you – so who am I to judge?

If I’m willing to spend £1k on an Apple product then why should I expect other people not to do the same with things that they like? However I still find it really hard to dissasociate the ‘high maintenance’ stereotype in my mind from ladies that wear a lot of expensive finery.

Pleasingly none of what my partner chooses to wear is something that you’d find in a regular jewellers shop – and neither is it particularly expensive.

Instead her tastes are really funky and unique and she’s genuinley changed my perspectives on the subject.

Over the last couple of nights I’ve watched her in spare moments re-create the earrings I showed her and make the design her own,

I’ve been taking occasional pictures along the way – until today when she finally finished them and popped them into her ears to ask me for my opinion.

How cool are they?!

They’re flipping awesome not just because of how funky and fun they are – but because she made them – and thats sooooooo cool!

Part of life under lockdown is that (perhaps for the first time since we met) my (currently) captive Geography teacher has had the time to herself in the evenings is usually denied to her.

There’s currently no 90+ minutes of travelling followed by at least two hours and a half hours of marking and lesson preparation every day. In its place is instead an early start and a reasonable finish time in a home office looking out onto our garden that (at least from the outside looking in) seems to be infinitely less stressful than wrestling classes of teens into submission face to face.

It’s still a lot for her to do though – and I think that we’re both sitting well outside of our respective comfort zones. It’s difficult to adjust to a completely new setting at the best of times – but I’m pretty sure that from a career perspective she has always had a much tougher time than I do on a day to day basis.

Being a teacher is damn hard work – and when a month or so back (when we discussed the pressures related to her profession) I worked out that she spends at least 60 hours a week working.

At the moment (although she’s essentially locked up in the house) things are slightly different – and we’ve managed to spend a little more quality time with eachother in the evenings and weekends.

When we’re not doing things together we’re pursuing our own interests side by side on the sofa.

A mutual friend (commenting on her own enforced lockdown with her husband) remarked how awful it would be to be trapped in the house with the knowledge that you’re in a bad relationship hanging over you and the person that you’re trapped with.

I’m sure over the last few weeks that many couples all over the world have been re-considering their life choices – but not me.

I genuinely love spending every moment of the day with my partner – and since we became romantically involved we’ve not managed to fall out, annoy eachother or funamentally disagree on anything .

I’m not saying that arguments are the sign of a bad relationship – because in the right context a disagreement aired can be a healthy thing – but it just doesn’t seem to happen between us.

This is something I’m still bending my head around – because all of my previous relationships led me to believe that compromise and falling out over mundane things (such as the loo seat being left up) were just a fact of life.

It seemed like every relationship was destined to be this way (all of mine were) but now I realise that it was just the fact I wasn’t with the right person.

As nice as life with ‘er indoors‘ is though – there’s still nothing I’d love to do more today than to go for a long, languid walk and sit on top of a hill with a picnic for two. However spending any time together is thankfully something that makes me happy.

Even doing the gardening together cheers me up.

I genuinely thank my lucky stars that we met one another almost two years ago – and if the current crisis tells us nothing else it’s that we damned well have to appreciate what we’ve got while it’s there becuase you never know what’s around the corner.

Although there are no picnic capable hills near enough to where we live (to meet the government’s requirement to exercise ‘locally’) we did manage to get out for a walk around the park earlier today.

The sun spent its time periodically creeping in and out from behind cloud cover but our time there was still lovely.

Maybe becuase the traffic is so reduced on the roads surrounding the park there was a strong scent of flowers in the air as we passed the daffodils and formally planted beds.

I might be wrong but I think this lovely odour hung in the air for a good quarter of the distance around St Nicholas’s ‘measured mile loop’.

If nothing else – having a sense of taste and smell in the current climate is a positive indication of good health!

By the time we returned home we had around 3 miles in the bank.

It’s not much distance (compared to my previous standards) but it’s better than nothing and I’m grateful that the weather was good enough to wander hand in hand – and pretend for a few minutes that the world wasn’t imploding around us.

I’m also pretty damn grateful that I have a garden – becuase the little tweety birds are industriously busy building things.

They’re doing this at exactly the same time the television informs us moment by moment that everything is falling apart so it’s nice to have a counterpoint to focus on.

  As the grim statistics just got worse and worse (a five year old just died…) this little fellow flew back and forth for about twenty minutes as we watched it (and it watched us) from a respectful distance.

Again and again this delightful little creature ferried materials back and forth – turning random bits and pieces into the building blocks it needed to create a nest full of little eggs and eventually new life.

I’m going to support it as much as I can – and will be filling my bird feeder to make sure that it’s chicks get the start they deserve.

On that (hopefully upbeat) note I think that it’s time to get something to eat. I should have started cooking ages ago – and my little jeweller looks like she’s in need of a chicken salad.

Who am I to deny her such a simple pleasure?

Of I trot!

Davey

‘Er indoors This week I've made a concerted effort to stick to the guidance outlined by the government - and when I did my (rather large) shop at Tesco last Sunday the aim was to…

[daveywankenobie]

Roll with it

I’ve never taken much notice of toilet roll other than to consider it’s strength or absorbency – but this week I’ve been considering it in terms of longevity.

I was amused (somewhat darkly I might add) by a news article about a Scottish pensioner who (when frustrated in his attempts to find any local stocks of his preferred wiping material) resorted to a more ‘make do and mend’ approach (link).

Hi…

[daveywankenobie]

Not resting heart rate

I’m trying to focus on the positives – because although it’s been at times stressful – today has been very very worthwhile.

It didn’t start so great though – because I think I came about as close as I’ve ever been recently to a fight or flight state.

Those who’ve been reading for a while will know that one of the consequences of my push into fitness and health was that I ended up with an absurdly…

[daveywankenobie]

Ballet

If there was ever a piece of plastic that held significance it was the one that I held in my hand yesterday.

It wasn’t a credit card, a games console, a blu ray, or even a laptop – it was my ID card for the NHS – which for obvious reasons I can’t show you but – but you can have a look at my fetching laniard.

For one reason or another, since I started my job I’ve never had more than a basic door…