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Our "FAQACAOSP"

(Frequently Asked Questions And Comments About Our Surrogacy Process)

We love sharing our ongoing surrogacy story and will tell it to anyone who listens. We’ll keep this updated as we continue through our journey, in hopes of helping anyone who may be thinking of expanding their family or just curious about how babies can be made. First things first:

IVF Vocabulary Primer - essential words and acronyms:

IVF: In Vitro Fertilization

IP: Intended Parents (that’s us!)

GC: Gestational Carrier (aka surrogate)

CCS: Comprehensive Chromosomal Screening

CMV: Cytomegalovirus, which more than half of the population is infected with

Blastocyst: The blastocyst is a structure formed in the early development of mammals. It possesses an inner cell mass (ICM) which subsequently forms the embryo. (It’s a five day old embryo)

DSR: Donor-sibling registry

ORM: Oregon Reproductive Medicine, the fertility clinic we selected to assist with our IVF process

NWSC: Northwest Surrogacy Center, the Portland based organization that matched us with our wonderful GC and handles all legal and financial matters associated with the complex surrogacy process

But why didn’t you just adopt?

Discussions about growing our family began in earnest about two years ago. At first, adoption was the only option we considered. After learning of the potential risks, timelines, costs, and emotional toll surrounding the adoption process, we decided to explore surrogacy. While surrogacy has its own unique challenges, the prospect of having our own biological children tipped the scales for us.

Yes Virginia, two men can have a baby…with a lot of help:

But wait, how do they…? MIND-BLOWING SCIENCE AND AWESOME PEOPLE. We get to have 2 kids of our own thanks to cutting-edge technology and literally teams of dedicated professionals. There are many paths to creating a family - here's ours:

After we each put our 173 million sperm deposit on ice (yes, that number is accurate), we selected a vetted egg donor from a database maintained by ORM. Following the completion of a hormone medication cycle, 42 eggs were retrieved from our egg donor and then immediately fertilized (21 with Daniel’s, 21 with Darek’s). After a 5-day incubation in the lab, and CCS testing, our resulting 10 viable blastocysts were cryogenically frozen to await implantation. (In other words, we had 10 little healthy potential D&D’s in a freezer in Oregon!)

After a few more months, NWSC matched us with a surrogate, Kayla, who we immediately fell in love with (mostly because she laughed at Darek’s jokes). Following the completion of her own cycle of pre-implantation medications, the embryologist (yes, that is a very real job) implanted 2 embryos (1 Darek, 1 Daniel) in the hopes that at least one would stick. Thanks to our amazing doctors (and maybe the matching t-shirts Kayla got everyone for good luck on transfer day) they both stuck! Kayla had to stay on a variety of IVF-related medications throughout the 1st trimester.

Wait, so you don’t know the genetic mother of your children? Won’t that be hard for them?

We know more about our anonymous egg donor than we know about any of our friends or family. Thanks to ORM’s exhaustive profiling and vetting, we were able to access a lengthy profile of her medical background, psychological health, her entire family’s genetic tree, lots of pictures, her reasons for becoming an egg donor, and about 485 other facts about her likes, dislikes, and background. One reason we selected our egg donor was her willingness to become part of the DSR, which means we can contact her anonymously any time we want. Through the DSR, our children will also have the opportunity to contact her, and find out information on any potential genetic half-siblings that might be out there in the future too. While we know our kids will have a million questions about their genetic lineage that we might not be able to answer, it gave us solace to know we can find those answers if and when we want to.

So how come you went all the way to Oregon?!

A few reasons. We first chose ORM based on a recommendation from a friend and after realizing that their success rates were among the best in the world (94% chance of success!). ORM recommended NWSC, which we interviewed along with a few other surrogacy agencies. We chose them mostly because they only work with GC’s from states with surrogacy friendly laws. Surprisingly, surrogacy is not legal in all states (it’s illegal in DC!). Even in states were it is legal, some states require IP’s to adopt their own children, as the woman who gives birth to a child is automatically deemed the mother at birth, even if - as in our case - the woman who births the children has zero genetic relationship to the babies. Oregon is one of the states with the friendliest laws; we will be official and legal Dad 1 and Dad 2 the minute our little D&Ds arrive. 

A stranger is carrying your babies?

She's no stranger, quite the contrary actually. NWSC specializes in providing IPs with a perfectly matched surrogate, and they did not disappoint. It took nine months of physical, social, mental, and financial screening to find a compatible surrogate willing to carry our twins. The numerous and strict requirements for surrogacy eligibility result in the rejection of 95% of candidates. Our long anticipated initial match meeting (via Skype) was a resounding success - a testament to the exhaustively thorough vetting process.

Aren't you scared that she'll abscond with them off into the night?

Not in the slightest, and here's why:

We know her. While the exhaustively comprehensive surrogacy vetting process painted an initial picture of the amazing woman that would be carrying our babies, that was just the birth (sorry) of our strong relationship with her. In the eight months since our match we've visited her twice, joined video calls and exchanged countless pictures, texts, and emails.

Her family is complete. Our surrogate has a toddler of her own and is not interested in having additional children. During the "worst case scenarios" portion of the contracting phase, we had to document alternate guardianship plans in the event that something happened to us prior to birth. She half-joked her biggest concern was somehow being left with two orphaned infants that didn't belong to her!

We have compatible goals and desires. We want biological children, but (obviously) can't create them ourselves. Kayla wants to help grow a family for someone else and is saving to buy a house.

It's been a helluva journey, and it's only just begun. Our twins are due July 4th!