dcjavu

[dcjavu]

HOW DOES YOUR MUSE CARRY EMOTIONS?

ANGER.

jaw clenching, hands balling into fists, teeth grinding, yelling, going nonverbal, vocalisations (growls, snarls, hisses etc), stuttering speech, rushed speech, slow concise speech, rambling, quiet, arms crossing, shaking head, curling lip upwards, baring teeth, tearing up, animated, expressionless, projects, internalizes, vents, withdraws, tighter movements, passive aggressive, direct, physical outbursts, verbal outbursts, pacing, going still, anger boils over in the heat of the moment but cools down quickly afterwards, anger brews slowly but lingers longer, will act out of impulse when angry, will stew on their anger and plot revenge, holds grudges, forgives easily, forgives but never forgets.

JOY.

easy smiles, fighting back grins, suppressed laughter, loud laughter, giggles, chuckling, smirks, whole body laughs, covers mouth when laughing/giggling, throws head back when laughing, slaps leg, touches people around them when laughing, looks down when laughing, looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes, bubbly happiness, quiet subtle happiness, obnoxious happiness, wants to spread joy, quietly savors joy.

SADNESS.

crying, bottling it up, seeks distractions, wallows, meditates and processes, avoidance, seeks out comfort, withdraws, swallowing thickly, talks it out, internalizes it, sad smiles, depression naps, uses alcohol, uses drugs, seeks out sources of joy, fidgets with sentimental item, sits in silence, broods, gets moody, wants someone to share the misery, tries to hide negative emotions, nurtures others to make themselves feel better.

EMBARRASSMENT.

blushing, looking away, rubbing at back of head, running hand through hair, clearing throat, covering face, laughing nervously, laughs it off, overthinks, lets it go, self deprecating humor, deflects, gets irritated, smiles, withdraws, crossing arms over stomach, crossing arms over chest, hands in pockets, shoulders sinking, shrugs, falling into silence until comfortable again, talking a lot to compensate.

GUILT.

avoiding eye contact, shoulders sinking low, head hanging down, crying, chest aches, lashes out, internalizes, apologizes, deflects, communicates, withdraws, grand gestures for forgiveness, accepts fault easily, punishes themselves, martyrdom, victim complex, over-active guilt complex, healthy conscience, internalizes even after forgiveness, seeking redemption, moves on easily, denial, shuts off empathy to cope, lack of guilt/conscience, sorry they got caught more than caused harm, can’t handle knowing they hurt others.

FEAR.

trembling, crying, sarcasm/sass to cope, humour to cope, rambles, goes quiet, goes nonverbal, gets angry, fidgeting, freezes up, impatience, clenching jaw, picking at nails, chewing at lip, pulling at clothes, adjusting jewelry/clothing/hair, pacing, swallowing thickly, eyes widening, over-reacts, under-reacts, calm, logical, panic, irrational, overthinks, carefully analyzes, talks to themselves, breathing exercises, flight, fight, withdraw, fawn.

[dcjavu]

HOW DOES YOUR MUSE CARRY EMOTIONS?

ANGER.

jaw clenching, hands balling into fists, teeth grinding, yelling, going nonverbal, vocalisations (growls, snarls, hisses etc), stuttering speech, rushed speech, slow concise speech, rambling, quiet, arms crossing, shaking head, curling lip upwards, baring teeth, tearing up, animated, expressionless, projects, internalizes, vents, withdraws, tighter movements, passive aggressive, direct, physical outbursts, verbal outbursts, pacing, going still, anger boils over in the heat of the moment but cools down quickly afterwards, anger brews slowly but lingers longer, will act out of impulse when angry, will stew on their anger and plot revenge, holds grudges, forgives easily, forgives but never forgets. JOY.

easy smiles, fighting back grins, suppressed laughter, loud laughter, giggles, chuckling, smirks, whole body laughs, covers mouth when laughing/giggling, throws head back when laughing, slaps leg, touches people around them when laughing, looks down when laughing, looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes, bubbly happiness, quiet subtle happiness, obnoxious happiness, wants to spread joy, quietly savors joy. SADNESS.

crying, bottling it up, seeks distractions, wallows, meditates and processes, avoidance, seeks out comfort, withdraws, swallowing thickly, talks it out, internalizes it, sad smiles, depression naps, uses alcohol, uses drugs, seeks out sources of joy, fidgets with sentimental item, sits in silence, broods, gets moody, wants someone to share the misery, tries to hide negative emotions, nurtures others to make themselves feel better. EMBARRASSMENT.

blushing, looking away, rubbing at back of head, running hand through hair, clearing throat, covering face, laughing nervously, laughs it off, overthinks, lets it go, self deprecating humor, deflects, gets irritated, smiles, withdraws, crossing arms over stomach, crossing arms over chest, hands in pockets, shoulders sinking, shrugs, falling into silence until comfortable again, talking a lot to compensate. GUILT.

avoiding eye contact, shoulders sinking low, head hanging down, crying, chest aches, lashes out, internalizes, apologizes, deflects, communicates, withdraws, grand gestures for forgiveness, accepts fault easily, punishes themselves, martyrdom, victim complex, over-active guilt complex, healthy conscience, internalizes even after forgiveness, seeking redemption, moves on easily, denial, shuts off empathy to cope, lack of guilt/conscience, sorry they got caught more than caused harm, can’t handle knowing they hurt others. FEAR.

trembling, crying, sarcasm/sass to cope, humour to cope, rambles, goes quiet, goes nonverbal, gets angry, fidgeting, freezes up, impatience, clenching jaw, picking at nails, chewing at lip, pulling at clothes, adjusting jewelry/clothing/hair, pacing, swallowing thickly, eyes widening, over-reacts, under-reacts, calm, logical, panic, irrational, overthinks, carefully analyzes, talks to themselves, breathing exercises, flight, fight, withdraw, fawn.

[dcjavu]

RAINBOW "REINA" WOZNIAK : SOCIALITE IN ARCIS

so   i'm   back   to   the   velvet   underground,   back   to   the   floor   that   i   love,   to   a   room   with   some   lace   and   paper   flowers.   back   to   the   gypsy   that   i   was,   to   the   gypsy   that   i   was.   and   it   all   comes   down   to   you,   well,   you   know   that   it   does   and   lightning   strikes   maybe   once,   maybe   twice,   oh   and   it   lights   up   the   night   and   you   see   your   gypsy,   you   see   your   gypsy.   to   the   gypsy   that   remains,   her   face   says   freedom   with   a   little   fear   -   i   have   no   fear,   have   only   love.   and   if   i   was   a   child   and   the   child   was   enough   enough   for   me   to   love,   enough   to   love.   she   is   dancing   away   from   you   now,   she   was   just   a   wish,   she   was   just   a   wish,   and   her   memory   is   all   that   is   left   for   you   now.

[dcjavu]

SAM ALBRIGHT : FIELD WORKER IN NOVO

 and   when   you   wake   up   next   to   him   in   the   middle   of   the   night   with   your   head   in   your   hands,   you're   nothing   more   than   his   wife.  and   when   you   think   about   me   all   of   those   years   ago   you're   standing   face-to-face   with   “i   told   you   so”.   you   know   i   hate   to   say   it,   “i   told   you   so”   you   know   I   hate   to   say,   but,   “i   told   you   so.”   you   can   kiss   a   hundred   boys   in   bars,   shoot   another   shot,   try   to   stop   the   feeling   (well,   i   told   you   so).   you   can   say   it's   just   the   way   you   are,   make   a   new   excuse,   another   stupid   reason.   good   luck,   babe!   well,   good   luck,   babe!   you'd   have   to   stop   the   world   just   to   stop   the   feeling.   good   luck,   babe!

[dcjavu]

RIDLEY ALBRIGHT : SMUGGLER IN THE NOVO UNDERGROUND

love's   gonna   get   you   killed,   but   pride's   gonna   be   the   death   of   you,   and   you   and   me and   you,   and   you,   and   you   and   me   …   me,   i   wasn't   taught   to   share,   but   care.   in   another   life,   i   surely   was   there.   me,   i   wasn't   taught   to   share,   but   care,   i   care,   i   care.   hell-raising,   wheel-chasing,   new   worldly   possessions,   flesh-making,   spirit-breaking,   which   one   would   you   lessen   ?   the   better   part,   the   human   heart,   you   love   'em   or   dissect   'em.   happiness   or   flashiness?   how   do   you   serve   the   question ?    see,   in   the   perfect   world,   i   would   be   perfect,   world,   i   don't   trust   people   enough   beyond   their   surface,   world.   i   don't   love   people   enough   to   put   my   faith   in   man,   i   put   my   faith   in   these   lyrics,   hoping   i   make   a   band.

[dcjavu]

REINA + MAISIE : we become what we love, and who we love shapes who we'll become.

i'm one   of   those   witches,   babe.   just   don't   try   to   save   me,   'cause   i   don't   wanna   be   saved.   me,   i've   got   my   own   little   magic,   and   i'm   not   trying   to   wreak   havoc,   it's   just   that   sometimes   i   see   something   and   i   just   need   to   have   it.   let's   share   a   few   dirty   habits.   last   night   when   you   pulled   through,   i   put   a   spell   on   the   moon.   it   was   three   times   the   size   in   your   moon-lit   eyes,   and   i   sang   you   an   old   tune   mom   sang   me   when   i   was   half   the   size,   and   i   looked   at   you   and   your   moon-lit   eyes,   and   your   moon-lit   eyes.

The moons emitted a soft, silvery light that fell like drops of snow upon the crown of Maisie’s head as she idled in the meadow. She kept gazing up at them, Secunda and Masser, the inseparable celestial bodies that guided her when she was lost; that sought her out in her blackest dreams; that offered a refreshing, enchanting sight to behold when she pushed herself off of her knees in fruitless prayer to the Nine that had very clearly forsaken her. She placed her trust in the moons and stars in place of the Gods, but still, she felt the primal pull from deep within, urging her to form a connection with what she had always thought was disinterested in her existence. It’s something her father did, so surely that meant she would find meaning in it eventually. She often encountered the thought of pledging her soul to Azura, like her mother before her, but she was no mistress of dusk or dawn—she was a smaller creature than the empress, one that if the Gods overlooked, a daedric prince wouldn’t even acknowledge. She may have resembled her mother the most out of her blood siblings; still, a pair of identical eyes and eerily mirrored features did not make the princess worthy of a seat on the Ruby Throne. And it was made ever more evident that she was considered more of an obstacle than a savior whenever she was assigned a stupid boy to watch after her behind the guile of a ‘sworn protector’.

She was soft-hearted beyond the veil of an addle-minded, angst ridden teenage girl. However, that did not mean she wasn’t thick-skinned. She was a scraggly thing, always craving the stench and staining of blood, and she resembled her mother most when caught in the heat of battle. Her eyes glowed a deep, sinister shade of red and her knuckles were bleached white as she curled her fist and rocketed it across the pudgy flesh of her younger siblings—the only people her family allowed her to scuffle with. She was The Heir, after all, though even that could be contested by members of the Council who'd observed her well-honed rage. She liked to think she could stomach being supplanted by one of her siblings, the ones she loved and hated in varying moments of lucidity. In truth, she thought she would crumble, finally facing the reality of the life she's crafted thus far: she was not worthy. She was expendable, and in fact, people might've found satisfaction in permanently erasing her from her family's legacy.

Tears welling in her eyes, Maisie could feel the lamb she'd raised since the ewe who birthed her perished in the night brushing up against her stockingless legs. She lowered a hand, combing her fingers through the soft curls enveloping the scrawny, long-legged form of the lamb. She felt most connected to the animals; the quiet ones in particular, although, the sheep and goats she tended to often did bleat (according to her family, quite loudly and relentlessly), which could not be said for the princess, who much preferred silence. The raccoons and possums and skunks she rescued, however, were eternally silent—minus the occasional sniff or snort. No one else understood her fascination with them rather than her mother's horticultural interests. Animals were unpredictable, not like the stationary plants decorating the palace in every corridor and stairwell.

That was precisely it, though. Maisie might have liked being a princess, someone not yet expected to uphold any responsibilities besides simple politeness in front of guests, but the last descriptor she would use for herself was calm. She quite enjoyed the thrill in rounding up her flock at the end of a long day; in comforting the mothers as they breathed life into the world through the stretching of flesh; in caring for the vulnerable, the ones all else had given up on. She was much like her parents in this way, which is likely why they haven't discouraged her from indulging in the only thing that gave her some reprieve, some understanding. An unspoken connection to a world she was certain she'd forever remain an outlier in.

Collapsing onto the dewy olive grass, the princess sat in a pool of fabric as the skirt of her silk dress fell around her. She felt the bittersweet tears stain her feverish skin. She wished so deeply that she could be different, or rather, mind-numbingly normal. That she could better decipher who exactly she was beyond the madness she suffered from.

She hadn't sensed anyone's presence as she gazed up into the sky. Blinking away more tears appearing on her waterline, she only glanced over her shoulder whenever a hand lowered and touched her upper arm. She half-expected her father, but when she looked up she instead beheld the visage of her mother. Immediately, concern threaded through her veins as she reached up instinctively to take her mother's hand.

Momma? Maisie signed, feeling too distraught to entertain anyone by using her voice. Still, she remained worried for the empress, who she believed was too far into her pregnancy to be wandering outside of the palace halls. She was much like her father in that way, underestimating others, although she had idolized her mother for her entire life. Inspired by the epic tales told to her about how her mother conquered a beast larger than life and death, how she healed others with supreme caches of magicka she kept over the span of decades, how kind and forgiving she remained even after so much turmoil.

But childbirth wasn't like fighting vicious, incomprehensible beasts; it was a selfless sacrifice, not a championing of change and power. A promise that you would die in exchange for a new life to take shape. Far more dangerous, the young princess thought, which heeded more caution than any adventure.

"I came to check on you," Reina said, signing along with each spoken word. "You worried me. You were not in your chambers when I came to say goodnight."

Swallowing, Maisie ducked her head slightly as a tear fell from her eye and rolled down her cheek. Reina reached out, tilting her daughter's chin up with a single digit. I'm sorry. I just needed...

"Space?" Reina quickly supplied. "I understand the feeling well."

Maisie offered a faint smile, her hand lifting so she could squeeze Reina's wrist. You should go back inside, she signed, eyebrows elevated knowingly at the empress, who simply laughed and began adjusting herself so she could kneel on the grass beside her daughter. Momma, the princess signed once more, gripping Reina's upper arm to balance her.

"I am okay," the empress chuckled more as she rested comfortably on the back of her legs. "This one is not as heavy as you and your brother and sister were. More stubborn, though. Seems the three of you could not wait to come into the world."

The princess allowed a couple beats to pass before she replied, Are you afraid?

Reina looked upon her daughter with a hint of confusion knitted in her brow before she released a sigh. "No and yes," she said.

... No and yes? Maisie returned, befuddled.

"The truth is, I never do know how these things will go, not even with my dreams to guide me," Reina replied. "I suppose I fear that I could be wrong, but I choose to focus on what I already feel: that I will survive, and that this child will have been worth all of the fuss to bring them here."

Maisie stared down at her hands for a moment. You are braver than I, she finally signed. It was unquestionable. Her mother was a fierce warrior, the perfect princess, a most ideal ruler for Tamriel. She might've even been St. Alessia reincarnated. All Maisie had accomplished in her fourteen years on Nirn was prove herself more of a liability than a worthy heir. She couldn't marry or have children—no one would willingly subject themselves to her, and she imagined any offspring she produced would be cursed the same as she was.

"Do not say such things, Maisie," Reina said with a frown present on her lips. "When the time comes, you will do wonderfully."

You don't have to lie, Maisie didn't hesitate in signing back. Father knows it.

Reina's fingers cupped the shell of Maisie's ear as she brushed a bundle of curls away from her face. "I am not lying. He knows that you are special, that is all. The same as your grandmother. She married, did she not? And bear perfectly good, healthy children?"

I am not like Nan, Maisie returned. Or you.

"No," the empress said truthfully. "You are better. I know this because I dreamt it. You will do spectacular things, flower. You just have to believe in yourself first."

Frustration spread throughout her insides as she contemplated her response. She dug her fingernails into her palms, forming crescent moons against her skin before Reina reached tentatively to cradle her daughter's hands in her own.

Reina narrowed her eyes at Maisie, who shrunk a little, as if she were a scorned child. "It is the truth. I would never lie to you. Ever."

In that moment, Maisie, who quite often didn't accept in absolutes that didn't come from her father, believed her mother wholeheartedly. She knew that Reina was pure of heart — infinitely more so than how others claimed Maisie did. Perhaps as a child, but once she made it to twelve it seemed all she felt was unbridled rage and immense irritation at the way the world worked, and how it never stopped, not even when she asked nicely. Now, all she remained as was a loose cannon; a far cry from a portrait perfect princess.

"Can I ask you something, Maisie?" Reina spoke up, harnessing Maisie out of her own thought spiral. With a touch of reluctance, Maisie nodded. "Do you fear for me?"

Red eyes flickered away for a beat, her shoulders tightening again as she tried to think of the right way to put her feelings. Yes, she then signed. I had a dream. A bad dream.

Something shifted in Reina then. She went stiff, her posture correcting itself as she looked upon Maisie in puzzlement. "What happened in this dream?" she asked softly, her thumbs rubbing circles into the back of her daughter's hands. She knew such repetitive touch could prove more stimulating than Maisie liked, but it was so far ingrained in her bones that she couldn't resist.

You died, Maisie signed with some hesitation. In childbirth. That is what frightens me.

Reina swallowed dryly at this. Rather than retreat, however, she simply moved her arms so she could sweep Maisie into a tight embrace. Maisie felt surges of panic overwhelm her at the touch; did this mean the dream was true? If her mother, the most composed of them all, was upset by it, was the curse of prophetic dreams proving itself worse than she'd ever anticipated?

"I will not die, flower," Reina murmured as she pulled away so Maisie could see her lips move. "I promise this. I would never leave any of you so soon."

But it was a vivid dream, Maisie tried protesting. You cannot stop it.

"I have had many of the same," the empress assured her, though she still looked shaken by the idea. "It is something I wished not had passed on to you, but I learned a long time ago not to pay mind to most of them. Alright?"

Someone died, the princess thought to herself. I felt it.

Aloud, she didn't voice any further concerns, nodding along as not to upset her mother, who was already stricken by enough duress. Perhaps her mother was right, perhaps it was a game of chance. She hoped it was. She might've even journeyed to a wayshrine outside the city gates so that she could reaffirm her belief in the Nine, but the thought still made her a bit sick to think about — why should she have to beg and plea for her mother's life after they're the ones stealing it?

"Hey," Reina interrupted Maisie's internal struggle, reaching out to brush her fingertips against the young girl's chin. "I have some exciting news for you, if you are of the mind to hear it," she said with a grin.

Maisie's brows lifted a little, that fear draining from her expression as she did her best to let the feeling of dread go. What? she quickly signed.

"You will be starting archery practice on the morrow. I already have everything arranged, and your new companion will join you for training." Reina told her, a smile beaming from the corners of her mouth and reaching her full, pinkened cheeks. "I thought it would be good for you to learn some sort of self defense. I did, before I was made empress. I even went on a quest of my own. Quite a few, really."

Immediately, Maisie felt uneasy about the idea of wielding any weapon. She was much like her father in that aspect — she didn't care for the thrill of bloodshed or partaking in the chase, all she liked could be found within the sanctified walls of the Imperial City. All her tools for embroidery were at her bedside; the observatory out by the Arcane University for late night star charting; and, of course, the kitchens, for when she felt peckish and desired an apple tart or marzipan. She had little desire to explore the outside world, far too comfortable at her station as a princess rather than a roughly hewed ruler of Tamriel.

I don't know, Maisie replied. I don't intend on going on any quests.

"Oh, but you will be. When the time is right, of course," Reina chuckled as she struggled in pushing herself off of the ground. Her daughter reached up, helping balance her when she returned to her feet. "Which will be a long time yet. Your father and I want you proficient in archery before you go wandering off on your own. Not to mention the studying you still have to do for your cleric fellowship."

I only care for the fellowship, the princess insisted. That's what I'm best at.

Reina's hand extended, nimble digits coming through her daughters short cut hair. She could still remember the day Maisie came tumbling into her chambers, a glass shard in one hand and a bundle of her soft chocolate curls in another, proud of herself for taking control of her body for the first time.

"Yes, but would you not like to see what else you could excel at? Conquer?" the empress asked with brows raised knowingly, which quieted Maisie for the time being. It was all about words and their placement when it came to her daughter and husband, Reina found. They were relatively easy to persuade if you knew precisely how to phrase things.

I will do as you ask of me, Maisie then signed. But I want a new companion. I don't like this one.

Reina let out a deeply held sigh and leaned in so she could press a kiss against the crown of her head. "Give him one more chance," she said. "If you still don't like him, we will gladly find you another. Deal?"

Maisie nodded along affirmatively, feeling a semblance of hope swell inside her heart. Deal.

[dcjavu]

ENOLA HOLMES 2  — 2022, dir. Harry Bradbeer

[dcjavu]

Millie Bobby Brown as Elodie DAMSEL (2024) Dir. Juan Carlos Fresnadillo

[dcjavu]

PRINCESS MARGARET "MAISIE" WOZNIAK

she   had   a   boy   wrapped   around   her   finger   tight,   i   fell   in   love   with   him,   but   he   wasn't   in   my   life.   the   teacher   gave   me   notes   to   go   out   and   give   kelly,   she   was   kissing   brendon,   i   got   jelly.   i   wanted   to   be   in   her   shoes   for   one   day,   i   just   waited   'til   recess   to   make   her   pay.   mommy,   why   do   i   feel   sad?   should   i   give   him   away   or   feel   this   bad?   “no,   no,   no,   don't   you   choke”,   daddy   chimed   in,   “go   for   the   throat”.   her   face   was   fucked   up   and   my   hands   were   bloody,   we   were   in   the   playground,   things   were   getting   muddy.   the   teacher   broke   us   up   after   i   broke   her,   and   my   one   true   love   called   me   a   monster.

[dcjavu]

PRINCE SEBASTIAN WOZNIAK

i've   been   hiding,   you've   been   shining,   like,   diamonds   blinding.   you've   been   proving   you're   superhuman,   i'm   still   moon-shooting.   the   way   that   you   glow,   everybody   knows   you've   got   a   heart   of   gold,   and   mine   is   always   broken,   so   i'll   just   paint   it   chrome.   yeah,   i'll   just   paint   it   chrome   so   you're   not   all   alone.   i've   been   tryin'   too   hard   climbin'   to   get   where   you   are,   oh,   wearin'   me   out,   comparin'   myself,   drownin'   in   doubt,   while   you're   up   in   the   stars.

[dcjavu]

LOVE + RIDLEY : THE ELDER SCROLLS.

oh,   chemistry   is   rare,   fucked   me   on   the   stairs,   for   once   in   my   life,   i   didn't   care   that   i   was   scared.   who   would   see   the   beast   livin'   inside   me?   it's   creepin'   up,   i'm   sweepin'   up,   all   of   these   things   that   i   have   done,   things   that   i   have   done.   oh,   i   am   well   aware,   with   that   burnin'   stare,   if   this   ends   like   all   things   do,   i   have   come   prepared.   they   have   clipped   a   leash   and   left   it   by   the   tree,   and   in   the   yard,   you're   keepin'   guard,   you're   right   where   you   need   to   be.   but   don't   you   feel   a   little   stuck   every   time   we're   out   of   touch?   i   will   dig   up   what   you   hide,   crying   doesn't   suit   you   well.   don't   you   know?   i'll   never   tell   a   soul   about   our   secret   life.

[dcjavu]

SPENCER + REINA : THE ELDER SCROLLS

and   i   heard   about   the   twister   that   lives   inside   your   heart,   if   you   speak,   then   i   would   move,   then   i   would   run   right   where   you   are.   then   i   ripped   on   through   your   blouse,   as   it   ripped   right   through   my   house;   i   never   knew,   i   never   knew   you   had   such   a   filthy   mouth.   but   you   love   me   like   my   mother   and   you   kiss   me   like   your   wife,   and   i   swear   to   you,   i'll   givе   you   more   than   i   have   tonight.   i   know   who   you   are,   you'll   be   fine,   i   know   who   you   are,   'cause   you're   mine.   there   i   saw   you   standing,   must've   been   a   holy   light,   'cause   i   can't   see   and   i   can't   feel,   but   the   color   in   your   eyes   is   saying   if   my   dreams   come   up   empty   and   i   wash   up   on   the   shore,   you   would   find   me   at   the   beach   in   every   life,   through   every   door.   a   luminary,   no   one   is   all   they'll   ever   be,   and   how   could   you   be   no   one,   when   you're   everything   to   me?

[dcjavu]

PRINCESS RAINBOW WOZNIAK

i   used   to   move   into   the   future,   bring   it   all   back,   let   it   bleed   through   my   fingers,   a   treasure   in   my   hands.   now   i   creep   out   when   there's   no   one   about   'cause   they   put   crosses   on   the   doors   to   try   and   keep   me   out.   the   garden's   overgrown   and   i   run   in   the   middle   of   the   road.  well,   can   you   see   me?   i   cannot   see   you.   everything   i   thought   i   knew   has   fallen   out   of   view,   in   this   blindness   i'm   condemned   to.   well,   can   you   hear   me?   i   cannot   hear   you.   every   song   i   thought   i   knew,   i've   been   deafened   to,   and   there's   no   one   left   to   sing   to.

there's a certain style in death; it is all-knowing and all-consuming in the way a waltz encompasses your whole body. at least, that's what rainbow has found every time she's fought with it. she spins and twirls and dances in tandem with every tachycardic pulse of a dying heart, gliding through the steps as she would across a ballroom floor, sewing them back together with a song stuck beneath her tongue while she works. this is why she does it - it makes her feel more than alive. it makes her transcend.

there is much to do in narsis aside from healing. still, nothing catches rainbow's fleeting eye half as well as an injury or illness; she doesn't delight in its existence, but she does delight in helping those who are already sick. her mother persists in calling her strange because of it, and she isn't of the mind to disagree. she knows she does not fit the mold. has she ever? it isn't even a thought in her dreams, which, given by her name dreamweaver, would signify a lot if it was.

what she does like to do in narsis, aside from study at the arcanaeum, is scour the wilderness for plants and fungi as well as insects. although, she much prefers them live so she can feed them to her ravenous tarantula, aptly named 'animal' for his ferocious appetite. crossing the city lines and delving into the nearby mushroom fields are what keep her from going insane taking on so many cases at home. she is careful to keep intact all of the roots, mostly so she can safely replant them in her planters outside her bedroom window, and she clutches them close to her chest as she skips home.

waiting for her is a bite sized little sister, moonbeam, and their mother, amihan. their mother is a pure-blooded servant of house hlaalu and has a driven heart like much of their kin, though their neighbors all remain more opportunistic and morally gray than the small family amihan has cultivated. while rainbow and moonbeam's peers focus on success and monetary gain, the two sisters are much more concerned with helping others first.

if it were possible, they would have transferred their allegiance from house hlaalu to a place more fitting for gentle souls. alas, loyalty is the most prized possession among the great houses, so, their lives are forever tied to the strength emanating from the hlaalu's roots.

rainbow hops up the front steps of their home, located off the beaten path and more isolated from others in the area. she taps her shoes against the doorway and watches the dirt shake off, kicking them aside once they're clean and elbowing her way inside. "moony," she calls out. "i bought a sweetcake off of avrus in the market. have you readied the other ingredients?"

rather than a squeaky voice confirming the inquiry, all rainbow can hear from their mother's bedside is muffled cries. halting in place, she isn't sure what to do at first. she swallows and drops her satchel at her feet, staring ahead with vacant ruby red eyes. as moonbeam's cries intensify, rainbow walks forward slowly, step by step, until she finds herself kneeling beside her sister.

in bed lay amihan. rather than retaining her greyish-blue tint, her cheeks are flushed a stark white and her once glowing eyes that match her daughters' are lightless and empty. as moonbeam sobs, rainbow begins preparing the body. she doesn't have time to mourn - she's the eldest sister, the eldest person in their household. that makes her in charge - she can't afford emotion now.

amihan is buried in the ashen meadow outside the city limits. rainbow is the one that wields the shovel, while moonbeam cries at her mother's shallow grave. as a prayer is uttered from rainbow's lips, a soft request that azura keep amihan's soul, the rumble of red mountain in the distance signals her ascension from nirn.

-

two years come to pass. fourteen and ten years old respectively, the sisters live in lonesome, and amihan is forgotten by their neighbors rather quickly. rainbow makes better use of herself by volunteering in the small city center, where she finds many trauma cases flooding in from experiments gone wrong or wayfaring travelers narrowly escaping a bandit gang. one of the few in narsis to treasure life over opportunity, it doesn't take long before she attracts a mentor to her side.

medresi is a higher ranking cleric in house hlaalu, despite being only sixteen years of age. she's a full - blooded dunmer, unlike rainbow, whose skin shimmers an iridescent, greyish-tawny color in the sunlight rather than the solid greys and blues of her fellow dark elves, and she is routinely well - dressed and possesses a spirit of resilience that she finds mirrored in her young apprentice.

"you have been alone for a long time, yes?" medresi asks rainbow as they traverse the rough landscape bordering narsis, currently in search of a supposedly haunted cave.

rainbow's eyes glance up at her mentor, a blush encompassing her cheeks. "i have," she replies quietly. "two years this spring."

"it is difficult," her mentor supplies, which catches rainbow off guard. a small chuckle erupts from medresi's throat. "i lost both my parents as a girl. ataxia. i could not save them, which is why i try and save everyone else. is that why you are interested in becoming a cleric?"

the younger dunmer trails behind medresi, who doesn't seem to notice at first. she hasn't thought about her mother in a long time - correction, she does not allow herself to think about her mother. it's a spiral that she knows if she ventures down it, she'll never be capable of climbing back out.

"not precisely," rainbow finally answers.

medresi starts, unexpecting of her apprentice's answer. "no?" she hums, kneeling in the middle of the path so she can collect a few mushroom samples. "i apologize for the assumption, then."

a silence follows. it doesn't click for rainbow that she's now meant to tell the truth until they've reached the mouth of the cave.

"i actually-" she begins, before medresi shushes her.

"ghosts are far more sensitive to the senses than the zombies and skeletons you find in caves like these," medresi whispers. she unsheathes a dagger and grabs rainbow's wrist, drawing out her arm and placing the blade in her palm. "stay close at my side and remain vigilant. understood?"

with wide eyes, rainbow nods along. medresi advances, gaze flickering from the left side of the cave to the right. as they creep through the decrepit corridors, rainbow can hear the moaning of the spirits still residing inside. she gulps, clutching the dagger close to her chest. she's never fought anything before, much less something that's already died once.

medresi remains at the helm while rainbow trails behind. after traversing through a small tunnel system, they emerge in a burial chamber where multiple apparitions hang still in the air. holding her breath, rainbow keeps her eyes peeled as she watches medresi gently creep around the pool of ghosts that have gathered in the center of the room.

but, just before medresi can wield her sword over her head and strike, rainbow hears an all too familiar voice sound in her ears: what are you doing all the way out here, bo? you need to come home. she shudders as she registers the cocky cadence always present in her mother's voice, then jerks forward and stumbles, catching herself on a rock pillar that begins crumbling as soon as she leans against it.

"rainbow!" medresi hisses at a low volume when debris filters down from above. the ghosts begin to stir, a distinct moaning emanating by where they lurk. "what in oblivion are you—"

bowie, her mother sings, the sound of it resonating in her bones. bowie, where are you? she pushes herself away from medresi, her breath caught in her throat. there you are. i've been looking for you. i'm always looking for you. her hands crawl up her shoulders and neck, cupping over her ears in a fruitless attempt to deafen herself. where's moony? what did i tell you about her? you keep your eyes on her always. she's quick like you were. before rainbow can swallow the urge, she lets out a petrified scream. are you taking care of her, bowie? are you taking care of our girl?

-

when she awakens, she realizes she's laying in a cot in medresi's spare bedroom. she's spent the night involuntarily here once before, when she had one too many cups of spiced wine and couldn't think or walk straight. this time, though, feels much less jovial. she doesn't feel ill, not physically, but she does feel... heavy.

she can't think of why before medresi enters. her mentor carries a tray with an assortment of fruit alongside a goblet of what rainbow can smell is a floral tea. it's a strange gesture, especially considering how standoffish medresi was in the beginning - though, she'd softened a bit by the time of their first quest.

well, what was meant to be their first quest.

"i'm glad you are awake," medresi says as she lowers the tray onto the side table. "i was worried for a moment you'd been possessed and stolen to oblivion somehow. you never really know what kind of curses you'll get in crypts."

while medresi laughs at herself, rainbow eyes the tray. her hand reaches out feebly, grasping the goblet first as she raises it to her lips and begins drinking in loud gulps. medresi looks on, impressed, and rainbow only lowers the goblet when almost half of it is drained.

"... what was it?" her mentor then asks. she's never really been much for smooth introductions. really, none of their kind are. dunmer don't generally believe in cutting around the point of the matter, which is something rainbow's had to adapt to over time. her mother was like that. rainbow never quite had the guts, unlike moonbeam, who is well-intentioned with her bluntness. it's a wonder rainbow could ever call herself amihan's daughter.

"i... i think i was merely afraid," rainbow tries excusing. "i have never seen ghosts before."

medresi narrows her gaze at rainbow, who sinks a little where she sits. "it is more than that. when you - when you screamed, you were calling for your mother. i could not get you to stop. you insisted on seeing her. that is when you blacked out."

"my mother is dead," rainbow says.

medresi nods. "i know. but you saw her anyway?"

"i heard her," rainbow doesn't know what's compelling her to be so truthful in this moment - it's humiliating enough having to relieve it at all. "i have not seen her."

her mentor doesn't seem impressed. "have you heard her before?" she then asks, and rainbow knows this is a trap. it must be - why else would medresi care so deeply? perhaps because she inadvertently sabotaged their mission, but in rainbow's quickly fracturing psyche, she isn't so convinced of that reality. it's a strange feeling; she doesn't trust herself, and yet she also neglects trust for those around her as well. what is it that's possessing her so adamantly?

"... perhaps once or twice," rainbow admits when the silence draws on for a second too long. she tries recalling when last she heard her mother's voice, her real voice, to no avail. she doesn't even appear in her dreams. only when she is most vulnerable. "i-i do not understand it. have i - have i gone mad?"

tears gather on rainbow's lashes as she looks upon a pitying medresi. by azura, she absolutely despises the expression on her mentor's face. she hates to be coddled or fretted over. she diverts her attention elsewhere, to the paintings hung up on the wall. in the certain light of candle flames, they appear dreamlike, and rainbow wishes she would wake up already.

"i cannot say for certain," medresi tells her. hesitantly, she outstretches her hand, folding it atop rainbow's and giving a gentle squeeze. "but you are my ward now, which means i will guide you through this."

"no," rainbow denies at first. "i cannot burden you with that. i can take care of myself."

"until it happens again and you burden your sister with the role," medresi says calmly, ignoring the frustration evident in the crinkle of rainbow's nose and downward twitch in the corner of her mouth. "let me help, reina."

rainbow's eyebrows pull together. she glances up at medresi. "reina?" she echoes.

medresi locks up, retreating from their warm touch. "i apologize. i simply - said it as a term of endearment," she says quickly. "and, well, i find it regal, much like you act. but i should not have. you prefer rainbow-"

"i do not," rainbow returns, her voice as soft as the black sands coating their homeland. "i-i never have. it makes me feel... silly. or, well, no. it makes other people think i'm silly. but... my mother always called me bo, or bowie."

"would you like that instead?"

"i... i would like for it to remain buried with her," rainbow fixes her posture, then slowly, she begins to smile. "i prefer reina, i think."

medresi pushes the tray of food closer to rainbow - now reina - and pats her knee. "reina it is. you should eat and rest more. when you wake up, i can teach you that journeyman's fortify magicka potion."

suddenly, reina's eyes illuminate. "you got the ectoplasm?"

"you are good for more than carting around my supplies, you know," medresi offers a wicked grin as she lifts herself off of the cot. "your fainting actually did wonders. those ghosts were too distracted by you to even notice my initial attack."

"well, in that case," reina picks up a bite of pickled pumpkin. "you are very welcome." she pauses for a moment. "wait - you think i act regal?"

medresi begins laughing again. "oh, sweet reina. with all that fainting, you are a natural born princess."

-

it's not often that reina can say she doesn't like someone - she's very much so in tuned with others' emotions, which makes it difficult for her not to empathize, even if it doesn't benefit her.

that being said, she does not like sir knight drulis hlaalu.

he is a chivalrous and widely beloved ex - knight of house hlaalu, which elevates his station by way of his persevering bravery and nobility in battle ( not to mention his commonly noted handsome features ); far outweighing the relatively boring and tragic life that renders reina's own status utterly irrelevant in comparison. but she still clings on to a silver thread of hope that perhaps medresi will dance with him and see nothing worth forsaking her current life and aspirations for.

reina can't quite remember when she first realized she very much so liked medresi's company, all she can think about is how medresi has always understood her - well, her intentions, at least. and that makes things all the more wonderful, because reina knows she cannot be understood, that she doesn't even understand herself yet.

it is not a romantic endeavor, dripping in beads of passion and blood; that much reina knows will never come to pass in her own life. it is a kinship, and perhaps slight obsession, that drives her, as she has spent more time with medresi in the past few years than she ever had her deceased mother when she still yet lived. she isn't ready to share medresi and her brilliance with others yet, and certainly not with a snobbish man that will do no good, that will only steal her away to fulfill a lesser purpose in life.

as medresi and drulis sweep across the dance floor inside the palace that crests lake hlaalu, reina is sipping from a wine goblet and fighting the deeply rooted instinct to pour it down the front of drulis' jacket. if any men have their eyes on her, she's none the wiser, her own gaze stuck on medresi as she flies through the room in swift, fluid movements.

she's only pulled away from the sight when someone obstructs her view. she pouts, thinking to skirt around them before they make it evident they're here for her attention.

"excuse me," she tries to say, attempting another escape. an arm unfolds, blocking her by the waist, and she's quick to shove them away. "excuse me. i must speak with my friend. may i?"

"you're a strange bird," the older elf hums. his breath has the stench of alcohol on it, which makes reina recoil. "off staring into the distance while everyone else is dancing. what has you so preoccupied, little thing?"

reina clutches her wine goblet close. another swig would be too risky - if this elf sticks around, she'll like better to be sober. "is there anything else?" she asks, impatience dripping from her tone. however, his slurred words are quickly washed out from reina's ears as a different voice separates her from reality: he's distracting you. he's here to help that n'wah drulis steal medresi away. are you going to let him?

she shifts her weight from one foot to the other as she winces to herself. this catches the elf's eye, and as he continues speaking, so does the disembodied voice behind reina's eyes: don't trust him. don't look at him. don't speak to him. he's only here to hurt you. she drops her wine goblet without realizing, her hands pressing up against her ears in a fruitless attempt at shutting out all sound. all of these people are here to hurt you. they're all hired by drulis, the conniving bastard - you need to leave. you need to find medresi. now. now. now!

as the elf begins expressing concern for her, reina pushes him away and flees. she stumbles through the crowd, every face a blur. when she reaches the very center and still cannot find medresi, she feels panic flood her veins. where could she have run off to in such a short amount of time? just as the elf approaches her and goes to grab her elbow, she jerks it backward, slamming it square in the middle of his face. when he yelps and lets go, she sprints full speed ahead.

"medresi?" reina calls out, sounding desperate as she grips onto the cobblestone walls. "medresi, where are you?" her voice echoes endlessly, and it's starting to feel like a helpless endeavor until she cuts a corner and sees it: medresi, pressed against the wall, her leg hitched up onto drulis' waist and her arms secure around his neck as their mouths interlock.

reina's heart stills in her chest. she wants to sink into the floor and disappear, but instead, she cowers backwards, hurrying back to the door while holding her breath. she doesn't exhale until she's broken into the fresh night air, where she pants hungrily and falls to her knees. look what happened! you give one man the time of day and you lose her! what is wrong with you?

she knows it more than ever now. it's the beginning of the end.

-

two months later, medresi marries drulis. eight months after that, she's carrying his child.

reina doesn't know what she thinks about it. she notices how uncomfortable her mentor is, as the child stirring within her is always craving more. when she was younger, reina thought she could be a good mother - she was very adept at handling moonbeam whenever her mother was otherwise preoccupied. she likes seeing babies in the town square and certain events, but as she grows older, and as she watches medresi deteriorate from her pregnancy, she second guesses the confidence she has in herself.

"does it hurt badly?" reina speaks up suddenly one evening. they remain in medresi's old study in her previous home for sessions, but at the end of the night, medresi departs and returns to the home she shares with drulis while reina stays in the main bedroom of that old house.

mindlessly, medresi's fingertips dance over the risen belly that crests the tabletop. "it does," she answers after a moment of percolation. "but it is pain that is worth it."

reina shuffles in place. "... do you truly mean that?"

"why wouldn't i?"

"i don't know. it just seems like a rudimentary answer, is all."

medresi can't resist chuckling at her apprentice. she readjusts herself in her seat to where she's hunched over the table, hands clasped together. "i know you think this isn't what i was meant for," she says, looking at reina knowingly. "and it isn't. i was made for what we do, but this - this is just something that must happen. i have to contribute to our society in more than one way. maybe one day, you'll do the same."

"i'm not sure about that," reina murmurs. "i'm too mad to be a good mother."

"don't say that," medresi frowns at her, reaching across the table so she can scoop up reina's hands and cradle them in her own. "you would make a very good mother; you're attentive, caring, understanding. but i'd be lying if i didn't say you should focus on what you're passionate about first."

reina's brows twitch together, ruby eyes meeting medresi's. "and yet the same does not apply to you?"

"our stations are wildly different, reina," medresi denies as she squeezes reina's hands gently. "you don't have the expectations others do for me. which makes you a very lucky girl. don't throw that away for just anyone. when you're ready, you must be certain it's with someone that's right. like i have with drulis."

swallowing harshly, reina nods along. "i will. i promise."

"good," medresi releases a strained sigh as she collapses back into her seat. "now. help me to bed? i think we are long overdue for a sleepover."

-

the deadness of winter hangs low in the sky whenever evening star arrives. in narsis, the people have boarded up their windows and locked themselves inside the warmth of their homes. meanwhile, reina is sprinting through the streets, her cape nearly falling off her shoulders as she makes haste toward medresi and drulis' residence. one of their servants had rushed to where reina was and alerted her of medresi's labor - which, of course, is all reina needed to hear before she was out the door.

she's only ever seen animal birth, so, she can't deny the deep curiosity nesting within her. still, at the same time, she's frightened for medresi. she says an extra prayer for her as she runs, and by the time she reaches the steps of their home, she's out of breath and out of fortune from azura.

"medresi, it is me," reina calls out in a silvery voice whenever she's let inside. searching throughout the house, she immediately picks up the distinct lack of noise, and a pit quickly forms in her stomach. "medresi?"

"in here," drulis' grating voice returns - however, it's clearly forced out of him, concerning the young cleric more as she hurries upstairs and glances around until she noticed a door left ajar. she feels her mouth go dry. slowly, she tiptoes towards the door, heartbeat hammering against her chest when she pushes it open ever so slightly.

she observes medresi splayed out on a mattress, blood staining her white linen shift and her face deathly pale, and she feels like she may just be sick at the sight.

"oh, medresi," reina gasps, flocking to her side and sweeping up one of her clammy hands to hold. "what has happened to you?"

medresi gulps down a mouthful of air, her lungs too stiff to inhale it properly. "the babe came," she whispers in a raspy voice. "beautiful girl. it - it seems azura has sent her to take my place."

"no, no," reina denies with the frantic shaking of her head. "you are not leaving me. we need you. your baby needs you."

"reina," medresi's dim lit eyes meet reina's, which are now obscured by tears. "it's okay. i'll be okay. i'm going to meet our goddess of dawn and dusk. isn't that wonderful?"

"it's terrible," reina cries.

medresi manages a weak chuckle, her hand lifting so she can wipe away the tears that roll down reina's cheek. "it was worth it," she says, her voice losing momentum due to the lack of breath. "it was so worth it, reina. i promise. come here." whenever reina leans down, medresi presses a dry kiss against the back of her hand. "remember what i told you."

"i remember everything you have ever said to me," reina whispers back to her. "everything, medresi."

with a flickering smile on her lips, medresi releases reina's hand, the little light left behind her eyes evaporating completely as she goes limp against the mattress.

reina lets out a sob and buries her face into her mentor's neck, and she can hear drulis in the corner, crying. she turns around, her eyes blood red as her gaze moves to where the babe is rested in her father's arms.

sniffling, reina presses herself off of her knees and walks away from medresi's bedside. she approaches drulis, who seems inconsolable, and on instinct she reaches for the babe. "may i?" she asks quietly. without resisting, drulis thrusts the babe into her arms.

wide eyes stare down at the babe, who has blueish-grey skin and the blackest tufts of hair stuck to the top of her head. "... what is her name?" reina asks, her eyes unmoving from where they're focused on the babe.

"d-dresi, she - she liked the name indiana. indie." drulis tells her.

reina can feel herself begin to smile. "i like that," she whispers as she leans in and leaves a kiss on the babe's cheek. "i will bring her back for you, indiana."

-

when medresi's body is brought into the crypt, reina is close behind the guards. she doesn't really know what she's doing - all she knows is that this must be done. not only for her own sake, but for indiana's. no girl should live her life without a mother, she knows this very well.

necromancy is banned in places like cyrodiil. the synods made certain of that a few years back. however, in morrowind, there are no strict laws on its practice. so, reina uses this to her advantage. she purchased all of the books on necromancy she could locate and she poured over them until each spell was ingrained deep in her memory - she is not letting medresi go so easily. even if her sacrifice was worth it in the end, reina can't bear the thought of a world without her..

they lower her body inside a concrete grave. as they leave, reina sneaks in behind them, and she kneels beside medresi's resting place with a book splayed open in her lap. she closes her eyes and begins chanting.

hours later, when reina can feel each individual nerve being lit aflame from the amount of magicka she's exerting into the ritual, when she finally feels all her limbs give out, she slumps over the grave, groaning in murmurs for a while before she feels movement from beneath her.

her head lifts and she sees medresi stir. her heart flips. she reaches out, her fingers dragging across the cold skin encompassing medresi's face. she speaks her name lowly, but all that escapes the body is a slew of pained moans, muffled by her unused vocal chords.

"m-medresi? it is me, reina." reina says, rubbing her thumb in circles against her cheek. no warmth gathers there like reina expects, which only worsens her anxiety. "medresi?"

one withered hand lifts up, grasping onto the collar of reina's tunic. with all the breath stolen from her lungs, wide ruby eyes stare into the holes in medresi's skull where her own once were. gasping in horror, reina clutches tighter onto the other. continuing to moan, medresi begins shaking reina, gargling something that sounds like 'why?'

"i-i am sorry. i'm sorry. i had to. i can't be without you, medresi," reina pleads as she continues holding medresi close, even when she's being fought against. "i'm sorry. but you must come back. i can heal you, i can-"

"kill," medresi begs. "me."

reina can feel her world crumble whenever she hears those two words, beginning to shake her head as she squeezes medresi. "what of indiana? what of drulis? of me? we still need you."

rather than reply, medresi continues choking on her words, clearly unaware of who she's speaking to.

"who goes there?" a guard's voice echoes from the stairwell.

reina does not cower, but in that moment, she only has two options: remain and be caught, still in the cold embrace of her beloved mentor, or stick a dagger through her heart and kill her all over again and flee. she gulps as she stares at medresi, who isn't really medresi, and she brandishes the dagger she keeps on her belt.

she lifts the dagger to medresi's neck. medresi feels the coolness of the blade and relaxes slightly where she's writhing around in insurmountable pain.

"i thought i could heal you," reina whispers against her. "i cannot. i am sorry. forgive me."

as the blade slices into medresi's neck, she gargles on her tongue and falls once more into the stark grave. when the guards make it to the ground, reina is already gone.

she slinks home, feeling defeated as she tosses the dagger into the bushes, wishing never to see it again. but as she ascends the steps to what was once her and medresi's home, she notices a group of men clad in imperial armor approach her.

"rainbow seleth?" one of the men ask once they stand in front of her.

reina's brows come together and she questions whether or not she should be honest. she's never trusted the guards of house hlaalu, so, how is she meant to feel comfortable around imperial soldiers? "... yes," she eventually relents, too exhausted to form a proper lie. "am - am i in trouble?"

"no, of course not. we come on behalf of his excellency emperor walter wozniak," the man says, a grin on his face that leaves reina uneasy. "your father. we've come to bring you home, princess rainbow."

-

she can remember it all so clearly when she's in the tower. in the pitch darkness, where she has but the occasional flicker of passing moonlight as it eclipses across her single window, she can close her eyes and imagine the scent of her sister's perfume clinging to her while she sobs, begging her big sister to stay with her. she can feel the deadness of medresi's skin as she caresses it in her grave. she can hear those men speak to her, explain how it is only she who walter wishes to summon to the capital. she still recalls how hard she fought against them, her limbs resisting every pull they made at her, a fight she ultimately lost.

when her stomach begins rising, she expects a feeling of dread to overcome her. she saw what happened to medresi - she should be terrified, shouldn't she?

in the darkness, though, there is little she can cling to.

she's only visited when the guards let in summer to tend to her. reina can hardly speak - it seems to be a symptom of her madness; her words all jumbled, like her mind's forgotten how to string sentences together. summer's patient. she's never not been. and once she notices reina's belly, she smiles at the princess.

"you have been blessed," summer says softly.

reina's tired eyes reach summer's. she gives her a small smile. "it will be worth it," summer then assures her. "all of this. don't you think so?"

the princess' gaze shifts to where the moons are hung high in the night sky. around them, she observes the stars twinkling in the shape of the constellation she was born under, and in that moment it feels like a sign.

"if i yet live," reina murmurs, hands smoothing over her belly as a second heartbeat echoes inside her. you know not what you say, she thinks to herself, that rational voice that's always beaten out by the rest. but in that moment, she tries to believe it. she tries to cling onto hope, even if she has this deep-seated fear of what may happen to her - the exact same thing that befell upon medresi.

when summer cuts away the mats that have formed in her five feet of thick purple-black hair, reina feels as if she's shedding her skin. by the time her nurse is done, there's but a few scraggly curls left behind on her head, and she's surrounded by a lifetime of growth.

"dream sweet tonight, my girl," summer whispers against her feverish flesh. "i will see you tomorrow."

summer leaves her room and reina is left alone again. she pivots her head toward the window, letting the moonlight bathe her, and she falls into yet another dreamless sleep.

[dcjavu]

SAMANTHA "SAM" ALBRIGHT

they   circle   up   for   prayer,   while   i'm   gazing.   from   the   window   by   the   stairs,   they   look   crazy,   but   i'm   sure   to   them   i   look   like   the   same   thing   -   a   couple   sentences   dressed   up   as   conversation   at   a   party.   while   i'm   trying   to   break   the   way   that   it   cycles   every   time   that   i   play,   the   prophecy   fulfills   with   it's   best   if   i   watch   from   the   sidelines,   if   i   watch   from   the   bench.   they   circle   up   for   game,   while   i   gaze   in,   from   the   window   by   the   stairs,   i   can   place   them.   they're   ruffling   my   hair   and   they're   saying,   'are   you   trying   to   pretend   like   you're   at   some   cooler   party   again?'   and   they   walk   away   missing   what   i   said,   and   i'm   talking   to   myself   again.

✱ LAYER ONE … the basics.

full name: + samantha araceli albright. preferred name: + sam, sammy, samsam. date of birth: + june 6. place of birth: + kansas city, missouri. zodiac: + gemini sun, pisces moon, taurus rising. gender & pronouns: + she/her. orientation: + homoromantic homosexual. spoken languages: + english and spanish.

education: + studied philosophy @ standford university on a tennis scholarship. occupation: + professional tennis player. nationality: + american. alias: + none.

✱ LAYER TWO … the connections.

parents: + marcela albright nee morales ( mother ) adam albright ( father ). children: + none. siblings: + ridley albright ( twin brother ) & manon jensen nee albright ( older adoptive sister ). pets: + a betta fish named sushi. relationship: + single.

✱ LAYER THREE … the appearance.

faceclaim: + isabela merced. hair color & frequent style: + naturally dark brown; most often put up in a tight ponytail or braids. current wardrobe: + preppy ; light cardigans and sweaters, plaid skirts, white button ups, knee high socks and mary janes if not white sneakers. eye color: + deep brown. height: + 5 ft 4. scars: + none. tattoos: + none. piercings: + ears only ; lobes double - pierced.

✱ LAYER FOUR … the observations.

moral alignment: + true neutral. personality class(es): + isfj & 8w9. sociability: + plenty of friends and can be especially social when under the influence of drugs and alcohol, however, she has a more cerebral nature that prevents her from reaching her full social butterfly potential. emotional control: + medium - high. no diagnosed illnesses, but has a suspicion she's a high functioning depressed person. drug usage: + weed, sometimes. alcohol usage: + party cocktail mixes mostly. voice / accent: + a lower pitch with soft octaves and a very slight midwestern accent. songs about them: twister by gigi perez, waiting room by phoebe bridgers, a world alone by lorde, not strong enough by boygenius, need 2 by pinegrove.

[dcjavu]

RIDLEY   +   LOVE   :   just   cause   you   talk   like   one   doesn't   mean   you're   a   man.

i   would've   stayed   on   my   knees,   and   i   damn   sure   never   would've   danced   with   the   devil   at   nineteen.   and   the   god's   honest   truth   is   that   the   pain   was   heaven,   and   now   that   i'm   grown,   i'm   scared   of   ghosts,   memories   feel   like   weapons.   and   now   that   i   know,   i   wish   you'd   left   me   wondering.   if   you   never   touched   me,   i   would've   gone   along   with   the   righteous,   if   i   never   blushed,   then   they   could've   never   whispered   about   this,   and   if   you   never   saved   me   from   boredom,   i   could've   gone   on   as   i   was.   but,   lord,   you   made   me   feel   important,   and   then   you   tried   to   erase   us.   you're   a   crisis   of   my   faith;   would've,   could've,   should've,   if   i'd   only   played   it   safe.

[dcjavu]

REINA + SPENCER : i know i'm still fucked up, but aren't we all, my love?

ain't   it   funny,   all   the   twisted   games,   all   the   questions   you   used   to   avoid?   ain't   it   funny?   you   betrayed   me,   and   i   know   that   you'll   never   feel   sorry   for   the   way   i   hurt.   loved   you   at   your   worst,   but   that   didn't   matter.   god,   i   wish   that   you   had   thought   this   through   before   i   went   and   fell   in   love   with   you.

[dcjavu]

@pscentral​ event 11: 2023 releases YELLOWJACKETS SEASON 2 [insp]