dcvild - Tumblr blog

[dcvild]

             He doesn’t look like he’s feeling well.  He’s made a spot on the floor, mere feet away from the bed he was trying to get to.  Seems he gave up.

[dcvild]

bookmcde​:

     She knew there was no getting back who she fell for, there was no getting him back- the rational part of her mind knew this, he was a lost cause…he had always been like this. But she didn’t want to believe it, she did NOT want to think that way…

             this was his fault. this was HIS FAULT.

     his fault               his fault                            HIS FAULT.

         How disgusting was it to give your heart to a demon who took it and twisted it to whatever he thought…THIS was…

     “Well at least you’re aware.” her trigger finger itched to shoot him just ONCE, make him feel as pained she did. But she never shot to kill, it wasn’t her intentions with a gun.

                   “…you’re an animal.” And then another shot rang out, her gun aimed for his leg this time. High time to get him on the level of a human, paired with a condescending smile she pulled her gun back with a sigh.

                               “So tell me… how did that feel…?”

     Oh that felt so good, now if she could only put her hands around his neck to make this worse… She just wanted to HURT HIM.

     “…you wouldn’t know love if it hit you in the face… I thought you did once.” She just wanted him back… but her anger overtook any other emotion she could feel at the moment- yet her words were longing…

                 she just wanted him back… and it hurt her. and it angered her and the cycle just continued- how love made her feel like she couldn’t breathe.

                     I just wanted you to love me.

                          And he knew what was to come next, seeing her expression twist further as her thoughts spiraled.  He kept his eyes on the gun after that --- he knew.  Why else bring a gun if not to use it? A gun , after all, had purpose.  Especially now.

             ---- the sharp sound of the gun rung through the room and echoed between his ears, and it took a moment of processing that he realized he’d even been shot and he’d closed the space between himself and the floor in a mere matter of seconds. It was brutal how quickly a person’s whole existence could end, how humans could act so animalistic when they were cornered.  And everything they’d worked for, achieved to gain and accomplish, ended with a single piece of copper and lead in seconds. 

             He grimaces now, the burning in his leg could not go ignored -- like hot fire traveling upwards he could feel his energy waning already as deep scarlet pooled around the extremity. There was something that bubbled into his chest looking up from the floor at his former beloved.  A sickening excitement gushed forth in the form of a smile.  It had been a while since someone had rendered him into such a position of weakness and futility. 

                    And for it to be Sofia of all people.

                                                How f i t t i n g. It was truly poetic.

               " T h r i l l i n g. “ his voice quakes at her question, the feeling of adrenaline pumping through his veins made him shake.

                                  “ Human nature is purely animalistic to its core. “  

                  Love?  But what was it now? Bastardized.  Twisted beyond recognition.  If there was love, there wasn’t anymore.  A mere shell of its remnants lingered and festered.

                 “ Without guidance, they are lost. --- When we met, were you not lost ? “

              “ ... We spilled the blood of a sinner to benefit a new world.  And by the hand of God, I will free them of their sins.  Are you not happy we granted him salvation ? Freed his mind and soul of impurity. Is that not an act of love ?  Mercy. “

[dcvild]

bookmcde​:

        She adjusted her glasses briefly before frowning- she wanted to believe these nice little white lies but… it made her even more upset, made her brain take them and run away…

and it just made her want to ask why? why did he do the things he did…? Why did they-

                                                   no, no don’t think about it…

        But that sickening gentleness in his words just made her want to collapse against him, to hold his face in her hands and kiss him to make him be quiet, to hide her face in his hair and feel SAFE once again and it angered her. Slipping her hand behind her back and pulling her gun from it’s holster, she finally fired it into the air and took a moment to finally tear her gaze from him.

             “ENOUGH.”

              “STOP IT. Just STOP talking! I didn’t come to fucking see the fall of a higher power, I didn’t….COME HERE to be your fucking follower?? Do you think I’ll just…fall back to you without consequence? That I forgot what we did??” She ran her free hand through her hair and waved the other with her gun in a gesturing motion.

      “Wow if so then gold star for you, Dostoevsky. Good to know humanity’s left you unchecked for SO long.” She hated them… she hated how society and humanity let someone like HIM walk around free. It made her hate them even more.

             “…..you’re NOT a god, WHY can’t you just- LISTEN to me when I say that???”

            --- It seemed as though it was spent then. What they had? ... He’d drug it through the mud and even further, watched it crumble through his fingers without even an inkling of trying to collect the crumbs.  

                           But it was always like this for him.  He couldn’t remember ever having formed such a genuine bond with anyone, but even he knew it was never meant to last if he did.  Maybe that’s why he ultimately caused it to spiral into something hellish...  Something Sofia didn’t deserve, and yet here they were.  And here she was, suffering the consequences of his actions.  

                --- But for someone like him, that was a small price to pay.

                           The gunshot took him off guard only slightly as he watched her outburst.  He listens, as he always did.  Eyes softening, something he saved exclusively for her.  Vulnerability, that very human part of him.  

                      “ I don’t. “  he speaks after a moment of silence.

                                          “ I am fully aware of why you’re here. ”               

   But just as quickly as his eyes softened, to show that side Sofia had fallen in love with, they returned to a cold and dead soulless state.  Distant and blocked off, there was nothing there to love.

                         “ Isn’t love always like this, Sofia? “  but his words, despite the cold gaze he held, conveyed a sad and lonely emotion. 

                        i̢sn’t ́it͘ s̀u͏p҉pose̸d̷ ͡to̸ ̀hur҉t.̵ ? Doesn’t it burn ?

[dcvild]

      sleepy... i’m gonna all it a night soon here.

[dcvild]

the development these two have is just... immaculate. They’re so tragic and i care for them dearly. Honestly, their fallout is heart breaking when i look back at how close they once were and then looking at the shit f--yodor pulled --- he’s a terrible terrible person.

[dcvild]

bookmcde​:

           His comments only made her expression twist with venom, scowling and letting her hand slowly go to the gun tucked under her shirt… no no, not now….

                           And then he OPENED his mouth again.

                 “Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk? Because I do.” Even if his comment made her ears burn a little she looked at him with pure disdain, scoffing, “God doesn’t exist and if he did he’d hate you just like he hates me. So save your sermons for someone who gives a shit.” Sofia folded her arms over her chest with a frown at his comment but even then her eyes darted away from him and she mumbled- she couldn’t help it even if it was the truth.

                                “….I missed you too.”

            And blood-violet eyes watch attentively, subtle motions he branded into his brain as he did with everything.  He may have been a watcher, a plotter, someone who worked behind the scenes and pulled the strings of those he successfully manipulated, but if he didn’t know how to actively participate in his own schemes... well, it was all wasted then wasn’t it?

             ---- But for Sofia, she was a different case entirely.  Had he manipulated her? Yes, of course...  But what made her different from the others was the soft fluttering feeling he felt with no one else.  Such a gentle and genuine emotion felt amidst the cutthroat climax they’d fallen into seemed so out of place.

                                 And even now, his words rolled differently off his tongue when he spoke to her.  It was a sickening kind of gentleness... 

             “ ... Why should I hear myself, so long as there is another here to listen and witness what I say? “  the question comes off as genuine, almost innocently as if a child had asked.

          “ --- Is that not your reason for coming? To be a witness to the fall of a higher power? “

[dcvild]

bookmcde​:

       “I’d rather be godless than be led astray by the devil himself… It’s been a while, Fyodor.”

               There was no look more putrefying and vicious than that of resentment.  It was harsher than the coldest Russian winters, capable of conveying so much in a mere reflection of who a person was.  Godless?

          And yet, his lips remain curled into that devilish little smirk.  The resolve and will of humans were some of the most entertaining, he would have to admit. 

                  “ --- Led astray? Is that what you think i’ve done? You can believe that... but, you’ve already given yourself to me. And I have prayed... is that not why you are here? God has answered those prayers. “

                                    “ i’ve missed you. “

[dcvild]

           “ --- you poor thing.  God really has abandoned you.  “

[dcvild]

  no not me popping off to apollo about Fyodor and Sofia’s past and realizing it aligns almost perfectly with something Fyodor says to Dazai in the manga and now im having a fucking revelation

[dcvild]

 sips my cheese and eats my wine after sending those memes to apollo.

[dcvild]

        It may appear as though he’s looking into your very essence, but the truth is his blood sugar is incredibly low and all he can think about is how he’s about to pass out.

[dcvild]

bookmcde​:

          “…” She’s just getting up and walking away now, “Apology accepted but my god you’re stupid.”

          Wait --- he has it! 

                “ ... I think the view that i’m seeing is much better! ” nailed it.

[dcvild]

bookmcde​:

      well now he’s not getting anymore compliments. How fucking–

            “you know for someone so smart I’d think you’d know when I’m complimenting you, Dos. Guess not.”

          ... Oh, so she was talking about him when she said that?

            “ I see...  My apologies -- Do you want to try again? ”

[dcvild]

bookmcde​:

              “Nope, just enjoying the view~”

        !!  The view?  he takes a moment to process her words, before turning to vaguely look at his surroundings.

                  “... Yes, I do suppose this room is... tasteful.”

[dcvild]

       “... You’re staring.  Is something wrong? ”

[dcvild]

it’s ben 80,000 years.

[dcvild]

miscellaneous angst starters.

when were you going to tell me?

you can’t keep doing this to yourself.

that’s…a lot of blood.

can you walk?

please don’t lie to me.

you were supposed to leave.

i’m not going anywhere without you.

shh, it’s okay. it was just a dream.

there was nothing more you could have done.

it wasn’t your fault.

this is all my fault.

you aren’t acting like yourself.

i’m never going to let [her/him/them] hurt you again.

you’re hurting me.

don’t ever do that again.

go to hell.

please don’t cry.

you have to stay awake.

i wish i could take the pain away.

you could have died.

hey – stay with me.

it’ll be over soon.

did you ever love me?

i’m sorry. i can’t do this anymore.

things won’t always hurt this bad.

you passed out.

how much have you had?

i’m okay. it’s all fine.

it’s not okay! you’re not fine!

let me get you something for the pain.

it’s nothing. it’s just a bruise.

it’s clearly not nothing.

have you been to the doctor?

i didn’t mean the things i said.

i thought we meant something.

people who are okay don’t act like this.

you don’t have to go through this by yourself.

i don’t want you to be alone.

please don’t regret me.

i heard you crying.

you need to get some rest.

when was the last time you ate something?

i’m worried about you.

did you have another nightmare?

[name], there’s nobody there.

i want to be happy but i don’t think i deserve it.

please talk to me.

why are you mad at me?

alcohol isn’t going to solve your problems.

don’t leave me.

did you do this to yourself?

it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.

tell me what’s wrong.

tell me how to make it better.

why don’t you care?

get the hell away from me.

please don’t do this.

i can’t believe that you lied to me.

just…stay for the night.

you obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.

you can’t die. i won’t let you.

just hang on, okay?

hold my hand if you need to.

i’m sorry.

why do you have a gun?

don’t panic.

just breathe.

you’re bleeding.

i’m trying to stop the bleeding.

you’ve been crying, i can tell.

you should have told me sooner.

i wanted to tell you in person.

a phone call would’ve been nice.

i hate you.

i love you.