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[ddeannahewitt-blog]

Sexual harassment is unwanted behaviour of a sexual nature which:

violates your dignity

makes you feel intimidated, degraded or humiliated

creates a hostile or offensive environment

(Citizens Advice, 2020)

Sexual assault is when someone intentionally touches you without your consent.

(Citizens Advice, 2020)

Last night, I got sexually assaulted at work. 

Last night, it was just another incident to add to a list as long as my arm. 

Last night, I felt humiliated, embarrassed, degraded and cried in the office. So frustrated that this wasn’t the first time, won’t be the last, and that women all around the world, every single day, go through this and are expected to brush it off.

Last night, when I asked the man who touched me, why he did it, he said he just ‘got caught up in the moment’. That was his excuse. When that didn’t fly, he said he touched my leg, not my arse. I told him I could still feel it stinging where he hit me - and it was most definitely not my leg. He told me he would never do anything to objectify women and that he wasn’t even looking when he hit me, he didn’t know what he was doing, he was drunk, it was his way of thanking me, the list of diluted excuses wails on… and I walk away. 

The thing that upset me, just as much as this man, was the way I felt about it. When I was crying in the office, I felt as if I was overreacting.

“He only smacked my arse, I should get over it. I’m making a big deal out of nothing”

That was my thought process. I felt like I was being too dramatic, too emotional - maybe I was due on my period? Maybe I’m just tired, thats why I’m crying? Maybe I’m just overthinking it, I need to let it go. This happens all the time.

This happens all the time.

The more I thought about it, the more I cried, the more frustrated I became because THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. The staring, the catcalling, the gestures, the subtle comments, the touching, the grabbing, the time you fight back and get told you can’t take a joke.  Getting asked if you’re a feminist, because whilst you were working, a man commented on the fact he could see your nipples and you said you didn’t like that, asked him to stop and he laughed. Walking through town with a friend and a man shouts at you both and gets his dick out, in the middle of the street, and tells you to suck it. A man staring up your skirt whilst you’re sat down, you tell him to stop and he doesn’t. He carries on just staring. The time you’re walking in a busy part of town, two men catcall you, you tell them to fuck off, and instead they both come over, one grabs your vagina, the other one laughs, and you feel helpless and run away crying. The countless, hundreds of fucking times I’ve tried to just walk through a crowd and had men grope, grab, pull, squeeze, feel every part of my body. I am not an exception to the rule. I am not a one off. I am not unlucky. I am not so exceptionally beautiful that these men just cannot contain themselves around me. I am not dressed provocatively. I am not flaunting myself. I am not asking for it. I am a 23 year old woman. I am no different to every other woman I know. I could sit down with every single woman I know, my mother, your sister, your best friends girlfriend, a stranger on the street - and I guarantee they would all have a story to tell. Just try it. I promise there is not a single woman out there who hasn’t been inappropriately touched, or cat called, or been made to feel uncomfortable. 

I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m looking for change. I’ve had enough. I refuse to normalise it, I refuse to let any woman feel like she’s overreacting, or feel like she can’t speak up because she’ll just ‘create a scene’. Make a fucking scene. Make noise about it. Sexual assault, sexual harassment, they’re not a joke. Don’t just brush it off. If you see something, say something. 

Some statistics in case you were interested;

1 in 5 of women and 1 in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives (a)

91% of sexual assault and rape victims are women (o)

In 8/10 cases of rape and sexual assault, the women knew the person who did it (a)

More than 90% of victims who experience sexual assault at university do not report it (c)

Rape is the most unreported crime. 63% of sexual assault cases go unreported (o)

It is estimated that every 73 seconds an American is sexually assaulted (b)

(a) Black, M. C., Basile, K. C., Breiding, M. J., Smith, S .G., Walters, M. L., Merrick, M. T., ... Stevens, M. R. (2011). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 summary report. Retrieved from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control: http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf 

(B) https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

(c) Fisher, B., Cullen, F., & Turner, M. (2000). The sexual victimization of college women (NCJ 182369). Retrieved from the National Criminal Justice Reference Service: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/182369.pdf 

(o) Rennison, C. A. (2002). Rape and sexual assault: Reporting to police and medical attention, 1992-2000 [NCJ 194530]. Retrieved from the U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics: http://bjs.ojp. usdoj.gov/content/pub/pdf/rsarp00.pdf