deadinsideexe

[deadinsideexe]

[deadinsideexe]

Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

[deadinsideexe]

what if i just Died

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me when i go walking on sunny days and end up on a tree lined street and look up at the gaps of sunlight and miss you more than anything

[deadinsideexe]

[deadinsideexe]

[deadinsideexe]

bro just fucking kill me

[deadinsideexe]

i need to [remembers suicide jokes negatively impact my mental health & upset my loved ones] join a monastery

[deadinsideexe]

more and more disappointment.

[deadinsideexe]

this traz better work or im killing myself lmao

[deadinsideexe]

im tired of being alive.

[deadinsideexe]

Yeah.

Sure.

We'll call it enthusiasm.

[deadinsideexe]

t shirt that says i've misunderstood many social interactions

[deadinsideexe]

when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever

[deadinsideexe]

Wait so you’re telling me my only options for letting people know I’m having a hard time in real life are 1) telling them (won’t happen, humiliating) or 2) public mental breakdown (also won’t happen, more humiliating)

[deadinsideexe]

SOOOOO funny when you’re having a strong emotion and your logical brain KNOWS you’re overreacting but you literally can’t do anything about it.

[deadinsideexe]