deadliestpieceontheboard

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Kevin Day needs at least 8 hours on the court minimum to live a happy life

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JASON TEAUGE — SMALLVILLE // S04 E04: "Devoted"

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Okay, poll time. How many languages do you have a smattering of? This includes everything from fluency all the way down to knowing just a word or two.

(Proper nouns and adopted words don’t count.)

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everyone thinks andreil fuck nastiest, but i feel their intimate “vanilla” sex is so intense that it is their go-to and more than enough.

jerejean in the other hand. once they get their sweet lovemaking out of the way. best of luck to anyone near them when they get those looks in their eyes.

do NOT get me started and dan and matt… unholy.

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basically my opinion on many many things is “you should be allowed to do that and i should be allowed to be uncomfortable with it and the government and law should not be involved in this whatsoever”

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my jaw dropped when jean pushed bryson and it hasn't been closed since. i'm sorry but that was one of, if not THE hottest scene in the entirety of the aftg universe. the visual of jean moreau grabbing a man's shirt so he could throw him off the porch and how he stormed towards him after has done major damage to my brain. but what really makes the scene hot is that jeremy did not cry, did not flinch, did not even say a SINGLE word—his face just went blank and jean decided that was more than enough reasons to shove a man he knew nothing about against a car and threaten to break his neck. jeremy stopped smiling and jean was more than ready to kill somebody for it. the person i was before this scene is gone. i'm forever changed.

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Forever and ever fascinated by the pre-TKM EAU Ravens alumni. Like POV you are 22 years old. You haven't spoken to your family in five years. You just graduated from a grueling training program (violent cult) and now you're gonna go to a pro team full of people that had completely normal college experiences and yet are as good as you. You have completely missed out on the formative years of your adulthood because you were too busy getting literally tortured for what felt like 547 days a year. Your best bet of any familiarity is praying you land on a team with another Raven alumni but the chances of that person being the partner you spent the past five years symbiotically linked to are slim to none. You will cling to a jersey number that represented your worth and that will very probably be taken away from you promptly. It can't be said you have fully left your team (cult) but Coach Moriyama (your God; the guy who has literally beaten the fear of that God into you) doesn't give a fuck about you anymore. You haven't seen fresh produce in years. You can't sleep. You can't eat. You can't even practice exy right because your new coach threatens to suspend you if you hit your fellow teammate with a heavy racquet. Congratulations! In an average of five years you will be either chronically in pain or prone to injury in a way that's so debilitating you will have to retire permanently from the sport you have given your whole life for. Nobody will care about that because your alma mater just pumped out a new batch of recruits just like you.

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obsessed with the fact that aaron shared a room with andrew and neil sharing a BED for presumably a year-ish. i mean gtk he got to at least that point of tolerance but also bro definitely woke up PISSED every morning. imagine hearing the birds chirping and feel the sun shining through the window and then you roll over and there's the fuckass little brat spooning your lookalike. guess i'm ready to face the fucking day.

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Neil just trying to survive his stay in the Nest but Riko Freakyama had to torture him sexual style and spit in his mouth

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How to fix all for the game:

1. Explain where the dealer who serves the ball in this sport goes after they serve the ball.

2. Neil transgender. “Why would he choose to name himself after his serial killer dad who hates him and wants him dead” I don’t know why is he already hiding from his dad Nathan by going by Neil when their names are both Nathaniel. He WOULD decide to do this to himself.

3. Challengers plot real. Kevin Day Tashi Duncan in the middle trying to get the other two to hook up because it will improve their game.

4. I take back everything I said about the Japanese Appalachian yakuza being a problem. It’s perfect just sublime world building. I just need more focus on what the lived experience of growing up in a preeminent Japanese crime family in fucking Charleston West Virginia is like. Riko Moriyama should also be a girl it makes more thematic sense. 

5. Kevin relevant

6. We are already one level removed from reality through the invention of this fake sport and a second level removed from through everyone’s connections to organize crime in inexplicable places and perhaps a third level removed by how everyone speaks and acts like a 2013 tumblr dashboard. We need to be one level higher. the Edgar Allen University Ravens should be vampires.

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kevin isn’t a third-wheel in andreil’s relationship. I’m telling you, it’s more a andreil + kevin / chosen third-wheel thing

both neil and andrew don’t give a fuck about kevin being there, he’s completely accepted because he’s kevin. I also feel like this is shown in canon because in every major andreil moment kevin’s just…there. none of the three cares, because eh, he’s kevin.

and I’ll expand on that with my hcs!!

- the guest room in andrew and neil’s apartment could basically be called kevin’s room. they’re just so used to sharing a dorm that they don’t even mind it nor question it.

- if they want to go somewhere and kevin wants to go to night practice? fucking fine kevin, but afterwards you’re coming with us to this undefined place because none of us can be bothered to drive you back here.

- if andrew and neil aren’t big on displaying affection around the other foxes? kevin doesn’t count. he can see that shit. they don’t give a fuck.

- quiet moments on the couch and kevin happens to be finishing off his essay on the floor? they don’t care.

kevin’s simply important to them both and smart enough to not comment on their PDA, so he can stay. if he’s not bitching, they might go as far as straight up stealing him away from whatever he’s doing to take him with them.

so yes, I rest my andreil + kevin case.

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It started with sarcasm. Andrew had been in a mood and had not been patient with the team. His comments made Kevin storm out, with Aaron and Nicky going after the striker.

"Good job," Neil said dryly.

"It's not my fault he's so sensitive," Andrew snapped.

"If you say so," Neil shrugged. "Gold star for not being as much of an ass as you could have been."

Andrew huffed, and Neil left it alone.

A few days later, when Andrew stormed off the court mid-practice, Matt had sworn that it wasn't his fault. 

"I didn't even talk to him!" 

"Good job," Neil's tone matched his blank expression before going after Andrew. "You get a gold star for not making it worse." 

Matt had pouted a little, but it ultimately blew over without much effort. Andrew was just having a bad day.

The next time it happened, Nicky was helping Seth with an assignment, and Seth managed to get through the whole interaction without a single derogatory comment to Nicky. 

"See? You are capable of being a semi-decent human!" Neil grinned at the scowl that earned him before adding: "You get a gold star!"

"That's not fair!" Matt protested. "I never got mine!" 

"What?" Neil looked over, confused. 

"You're giving him a gold star when you still owe me one!" Matt reminded a still confused Neil. 

"I never got one either," Andrew crossed his arms, and Neil stared at the two of them.

"I'm not actually giving him a star," Neil pointed out, realizing now what they were talking about. 

"Well, that's just mean," Nicky was clearly trying not to laugh. "Promising them gold stars and not delivering." 

"It was sarcastic! I don't even have any gold stars!" 

"There are stickers at the bookstore," Dan offered helpfully, though her grin said she was enjoying this too much.

"I am not buying stickers to hand out like you're children!"

Neil went that night to buy the stickers. He had Renee take him, since she was the least likely to make fun while still being helpful. They found a decent-sized packet of reflective gold stars, and after Neil had paid for them, Renee got the first one. She smiled sweetly in thanks and carefully stuck it inside her wallet.

When they got back to the dorm that night Neil gave one to Andrew (who didn't say a word but also didn't reject the sticker), Matt (who enthusiastically stuck it to his shirt), and Seth (who very loudly declared this was stupid, Neil was stupid, why would he need a sticker?). But as Neil left, he noticed Seth had carefully stuck the sticker to the front of his notebook.

And so the sticker competition began.

The Foxes quickly learned that Neil did not seem to have the same sticker-gifting qualifications for all of them. Apart from the first couple of sarcastically awarded stickers, Neil did not hand them out for just anything. It took a couple of weeks, but the team gradually figured it out.

Andrew got gold stars for making an effort with team bonding and participating fully in practices. (Though he also seemed to have stickers that no one else remembered him getting.) Kevin got them for correcting the team more kindly and for drinking less, as well as for showing almost any self-restraint, really. Seth got them whenever he stopped mid-insult or fully kept his comments to himself. Renee got them for vocalizing her opinions (as well as any time she supported Andrew). Allison got them when she stood up to the press or backed up any of the Foxes, and Dan got them after almost every press interview Neil had to do (as well as after any practice that Kevin took over). Nicky got them for respecting boundaries, and Aaron got them for not antagonizing his brother and for spending time with the team for more than a few minutes (without complaint). The cousins also got stickers for family bonding. Matt got stickers the most often, and they seemed to be any time he treated Neil like a friend.

Then there were the miscellaneous gold stars. Catching yourself before saying words that Andrew didn't like. Volunteering to clean up the court without Coach having to ask or assign the task. Any voluntary visits with Bee or Abby were automatic gold stars. Making Andrew genuinely laugh (only Renee had gotten one of those). And sometimes, Neil simply said "Good job," and someone got a star. Those were harder to figure out. Aaron and Andrew also got them after therapy.

The Foxes had a running tally of who had how many gold stars. Matt and Andrew were usually tied for first (Nicky loudly claimed favoritism). Usually, Aaron or Renee held the next two slots, but after that, it was anyone's game. If there were any kind of obvious criteria, the Foxes probably would have bets, but for now, they just kept a leaderboard. The team coveted the shiny stars.

Everyone kept them in different spots. Matt usually wore his after getting one, but a line of them was growing on his desk. The front of Seth's notebook had a few neat lines of stars. Nicky's were everywhere: his notebooks, his phone, the dorm. The girls also each had at least a star or two on the back of their phones. There were stars in wallets, lockers, and cars, yet despite the competitiveness over the shiny stickers, only the players knew about them.

It was during one of the Foxes' away games that it finally happened.

It was half time and the team had regrouped in the guest team lounge. Neil and Andrew were leaning against each other, each with a waterbottle, the rest of the Foxes spread out around them and Coach was lecturing.

"I know you're all tired but what is happening out there? Every other play it seems like there's a fight. Seth you're close to a red card!"

The striker shrugged.

"Asshole keeps talking shit," Seth said it in an almost offhand way.

"Since when is that an issue?" Wymack demanded. "You all shit talk!"

"About Kevin," Seth said as if that elaboration was helpful. When no one seemed to get it, Seth continued: "He's our freak to shit talk. Not theirs!"

Wymack looked gobsmacked as the team burst into laughter. Abby hid a smile behind her hand, and Kevin looked confused.

"Well," Wymack began, but then stopped when Neil held something out to Seth. "What is that?"

"He earned it," Neil said as if it was obvious, and Seth looked pleased with himself, sticking the gold star to his helmet.

Wymack watched as the team burst into protests.

"Seth always fights, that's not fair-!"

"If I had known that-"

"We can get them during games?"

"I haven't gotten one in ages!"

"Hey!" Wymack shouted over the babble, and everyone quieted. "What is going on?"

"Neil gives them stickers for being good," Andrew explained, his regular bored expression in place. "His version of good, anyway."

"Don't act like you don't get any!" Nicky immediately protested. "You're at the head of the leaderboard this week!"

"Leaderboard?" Wymack asked, looking bewildered, before waving his hand. "Okay, we'll discuss this later. You all need to get your heads back in the game! Seth... try not to get a red card."

It was not lost on the team that Wymack hadn't actually told Seth to stop fighting. The team headed back out to the court and Neil took his spot on the bench beside coach.

"So stickers huh?" Wymack asked as the whistle blew and the game began again.

Neil shrugged.

"Honsestly coach I don't get it either," Neil wasn't even sure how to explain. "I was being sarcastic. Then they actually wanted the stickers so I got some."

"And now instead of fighting with Kevin, Seth is fighting with the other team?"

"He's also stopped insulting Nicky. Mostly."

"Hn," Wymack didn't say more, letting the subject drop.

Neil didn't think any more about it that day, focused on the game and the team. It wasn't until the next practice that it came up again.

Kind of.

Neil was in the locker room, lacing up his shoes when Wymack came by and silently handed Neil two new packs of shiny gold stickers. Neil accepted them, confused as Coach then walked away. Neil looked down at the stickers and smiled to himself with sudden understanding.

From then on Neil never ran out of stickers.

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People on the streets acting as if Kevin is going to be Big Mad when Jean is good at blocking him on the Foxes V Trojans game as if his internal monologue won't immediately start to sound like "congratulations on your new improvements, I bet your light rod is like bigger than Zeus's. Hey, wait can you lift my car with your hand? You were an ugly kid, but you're a sexy man."

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I can’t believe neil is canonically called kevin’s mini-me by at least two characters.

and I can’t believe wymack looked at neil after kevin’s “I’ve never been skiing” interview and straight up said: great, there’s another you.

they spend so much time together that by the time kevin graduates the minyards brothers aren’t the only twins on the team, siri let me speak my truth and send the fucking tweet.

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whatever. me? i’m gonna be the deadliest piss on the floor

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someone got really mad at me for being pro-pornography so i'd like to be annoying for a little longer:

-there are enormous problems with exploitation in the porn industry that harm and endanger the people within it, and that harm is carried out mostly against women and minorities

-this is Bad

-however the last century of passing laws against pornography hasn't actually helped any of those problems, and what sex workers tend to advocate for is the legitimization of their labor, so that they can then access the same protections and regulations that people in other industries can access

-for instance football players, miners, roofers, and warehouse workers are also exploited and endangered by their professions, have to work long hours, and can end up traumatized and disabled by unregulated and unsafe working conditions. these people are used up and thrown away by powerful bosses they can't individually challenge.

-however because these industries are not de facto illegal to participate in, when these people form unions and demand better working conditions, they can at least fight for their rights.

-sex workers, who engage in heavily stigmatized work that's also often illegal, have little recourse to demand better treatment.

-even if you don't like porn, and especially if you don't like porn, if you care about the women who are exploited in pornography, you need to advocate for the legality of pornography.

-the more illegal the porn industry is, the less safe and fair it is, and people will still be working in it, no matter how illegal it is.

-again: the porn industry should be regulated like any other industry and subject to laws guaranteeing fair compensation for labor, safe working conditions, and legal resources for workers suffering exploitation and abuse.

-once it is legal to do sex work, then women can bring charges against the men who have broken their contracts and abused them.

-and that is why i push back against posts saying that pornography is evil. it is an entertainment product, made by people, to meet an ongoing demand. criminalizing the consumption and production of it may slightly lessen the demand at the incredible cost of endangering everyone involved. and i think that is what's evil.