Tumgik
deadpige0n · 2 months
Note
hiiii !!! i hope ur having a good day :) i was wondering if u would like writing smth with tasm peter or remus x reader where reader has some specific exams that r very important for her (peter/remus doesnt have them) and shes just so anxious about it and has a lot of academic anxiety overall and isnt good at talking about it and peter or remus just comforts her and stuff? sorry if u dont like it tho u dont have to do it !! :)
Thanks for requesting ml!
cw: academic anxiety
tasm!Peter Parker x fem!reader ♡ 1k words
Peter’s not sure if you’ve realized how dark it is outside. He comes back from dinner with his Aunt May to find you in the exact same spot he left you, the bright light from your laptop beaming onto your face and making your features look severe and ghoulish. It’s the only light in the apartment. 
“Hey,” you say dimly. 
“Hey.” Peter stoops over the back of the couch, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and smooching your cheek. He squints into the glaring white of the practice questions on your screen. “How’s it going?” 
You hum, noncommittal. 
“Mm.” Peter squeezes your shoulders sympathetically, then gets up to grab the leftovers he’s brought from May’s. “Did you get something to eat?” 
“Yeah,” you say distantly, clicking something. 
“Really?” He turns to look around. There’s no evidence of cooking, no takeout containers on the coffee table, no dishes in the sink. It’s not that Peter doesn’t believe you, but he doesn’t. “What’d you have?” 
“Sounds great, babe.” 
He blinks. “Huh? I asked what you ate.” 
“Yeah,” you scroll a bit, clicking to the next page, “I’m sure May loved that.” 
A laugh startles out of him, and that’s what gets your attention. You look up, bemused. 
“Sweetheart.” Peter looks at you meaningfully, a smile still tempting his lips. “Have you eaten dinner yet?” 
You shake your head. “No. Why?” 
“Because I brought you leftovers,” he says, going to the microwave and popping them in. “But when I asked a second ago, you said yes.” 
“Oh.” Peter punches a minute into the microwave, and when the buzzing starts he looks over at you. You’re looking a bit embarrassed, but your gaze is already migrating back towards your laptop. “Sorry, I’m not great at splitting my focus.” 
“That’s okay.” He crosses the room to you, sitting on the coffee table so your knees are bracketed by his. “You’ve been studying for a long time today, huh?” 
Really, you’ve been studying for an ungodly amount of time every day for the past few weeks. It had started manageable, an hour a day to help prepare for this big exam you’ve got coming up, but as the date of the test grew closer Peter could sense you becoming almost frantic. You steadily increased your study time in what seems to him like a fruitless quest to become one hundred percent prepared by the time of the exam. These last few days, you’ve hardly let your laptop out of your sight. He’s convinced you must be dreaming of practice questions. 
You nod, looking exhausted. Peter reaches forward to rub a thumb under your eye. It’s tinged slightly red, and he’s willing to bet it burns from staring at your screen for so long. 
“You ready for a break?” he asks. 
You nod with a sigh, shutting your laptop screen. The microwave beeps, and Peter sets a hand on your leg to tell you to stay sitting while he gets it. The plate is warm in his hands. You inhale the steam as he passes it to you, eyes shutting contentedly. 
“Oh my god, I can’t believe May did her brussel sprouts and I didn’t even show.” 
“She missed you,” Peter admits, “but she got that you had to study.” 
“Thanks,” you tell him, situating the plate on your lap and skewering a brussel sprout onto your fork. 
The first few bites go down greedily, but soon you slow your pace. Peter sits while you eat in silence. This reticence is unusual for you, but he knows there’s any number of things it could be attributed to; hunger or exhaustion are at the top of that list. Still, there’s a look in your eyes that tells him you’ve gone somewhere else. 
“Hey,” he says, and you turn. “You wanna talk about it?” 
You give him a puzzled look, hand coming up to cover your full mouth. “About what?” 
“About the test,” Peter replies patiently. He sets a hand on your shoulder, rubbing at your tensed muscles. “You’re flipping out, pretty girl.” 
You scoff, but it’s weak and you know it. “I am not flipping out,” you say.
Peter could point to about a dozen things which indicate that you’re wrong, but he’s not trying to argue with you. “It’s okay if you are,” he says instead, wincing when his thumb digs into a sensitive knot in your shoulder and you flinch. “Sorry. Just, I know this is a big deal for you.” 
“It is a big deal,” you agree, looking down at your plate as you chase another brussel sprout, “but I’m fine. It’s normal to get nervous about big exams.” 
“Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean you have to deal with it,” he tells you. 
You don’t respond, maintaining your quiet even after Peter sees you swallow. He squints, ducking his head to look you in the eye. It’s obvious by the way you avoid him that you hear the faults in your own logic. You start to worry you lip. 
“I’m not trying to criticize you,” he says gently, thumbing it from between your teeth. “I just want you to tell me what you need. Do you want to talk about it? Or we could talk about something else, or watch a movie or something.” He juts further into your eyeline, and this time you look back at him. His thumb drops down to your chin. “Let me help, bub.” 
You look suddenly cracked open. More vulnerable than he’s seen you in awhile, and for a second Peter worries you might cry. “Can we watch a movie?” you ask. 
“Yeah.” Relief makes the word breathy. He punctuates it with a kiss to your forehead. “That sounds great. You wanna cuddle too?” 
You nod and eat some more of your dinner. “I might fall asleep,” you warn.
Peter grins. He always teases you for falling asleep during movies, but secretly he loves it. There’s something intrinsically peaceful about holding you against him, warm and heavy, while he watches, only to fill you in on what had happened to every character when you wake up and start asking questions. 
“I think you’ve earned it,” he says. 
You shrug like you don’t disagree, and set to finishing off your brussel sprouts while Peter gets up to make popcorn. You do fall asleep, not even ten minutes into the movie. Peter pulls you closer to him and watches the rest with his cheek resting atop your head
174 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Note
Hi my love!! I just reread your bodyguard tasm!peter parker blurb and it was so cute 😭I loved the original premise where peters spider senses got distracted because of her!! You wrote it so beautifully.
I'd love to request a part two (If you're open to that?) where he's guarding her again and we see their relationship develop a little more??
i read your requests rules and couldn't find anything about you not writing part twos, but feel free to ignore if you'd rather not! lots of love <3 <3
Hi sweetheart, thank you thank you!!
bodyguard!(tasm)Peter Parker x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words
Peter’s staying on the ground for your sake, but he doesn’t love it. 
You’re relaxed as can be, lounging on your bed while he paces your unfairly giant room from end to end. This, he thinks, is why people hate politicians. You’ve got an ensuite bathroom the size of his apartment, and on the taxpayer’s dime. He gets it now. If you and your dad were living in a shoebox like every other self-respecting New Yorker, maybe the guy wouldn’t get so many death threats. 
“You don’t have to be all vigilant,” you say. “My dad’s not here. So long as I don’t get actually kidnapped or killed while you’re here, sitting down isn’t going to affect your performance evaluation.” 
Peter looks at you. “I’m getting a performance evaluation?” 
Your smile is lopsided and goofy. It’s humiliating how much it affects him. “No. Who would he send it to? Your employer?” 
“Oh.” He feels stupid. “Good point.” 
“Come here,” you laugh. “I got us coffee.” 
He goes to sit on your bed, mostly because he’ll do anything you ask him to. After spending a few hours hugging you on a roof, Peter’s found that he actually likes you. You’re not snooty or spoiled like he might have expected, friendly to him even though he’s technically working for you. You seem oddly down-to-earth for someone with your upbringing, funny and smart. (Smarter than him, maybe. You turn him into a blundering idiot every time he sees you, though, so it’s hard to say.) You’re surprisingly fun to be around. 
You lean over, grabbing two disposable coffee cups from your nightstand. “Do you want peppermint or caramel?” 
“Which one do you want?” 
“No way. You’re my guest, you get first pick.” 
Peter’s here on a job, but he likes your version of the story better. The idea of you thinking of him as your guest, someone invited in whom you want to please, makes an affectionate warmth unfurl in his gut. 
“You should probably have the one you want, because the other one’s going to get cold,” he says, an apology in his tone. Your brows wrinkle. “I can’t really drink through the mask…” 
“Oh.” You close your eyes, expression clearing. “God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about that.” 
“Don’t worry about it.” Peter’s smiling under the mask. He wonders if you can hear it in his voice. “Enjoy yours. I’ll live vicariously.” 
“You couldn’t just lift it up enough to drink?” 
“Uh, no. The whole secret identity thing is…kind of important to the job.” 
You smile guiltily, lifting one of the cups to your lips. “Fair enough.” 
You’re silent for a minute, watching him as you sip at your coffee. Once again, making it nearly impossible for Peter to do what he’s being paid to do. He should be keeping his senses alert, watching the windows, surveilling the perimeter or whatever. Not looking into your clever, narrowed eyes and thinking about how your whole room smells like you. 
“Okay,” you say, still scrutinizing him like you’re trying to count the threads in his suit, “now I’m dying to know what’s under the mask.” 
Peter sits very still. He’s had people—fans and foes alike—try to tear it off him before, but he doesn’t think you’re like that. 
“I mean, obviously you’re tall,” you lean back on the bed, mouth pursed in contemplation, “so you’re not, like, twelve. You sound about my age…” 
“I what?” 
“Your voice.” 
“What—” He clears his throat. Tries to sound more generationally ambiguous. “What would make you think that?” 
You crack another one of those sweet, silly smiles. “Well, you’re not going to fool me now,” you say. “I’ve heard you talk. You can’t be more than thirty. Plus, when you got here, you said ‘yo’.” 
Peter really needs to stop saying that. He doesn’t even know when he started. 
“You’ve got stitches all over your suit…” you go on. “What neighborhood are you from again?” 
“I’m not telling you that,” he laughs. 
“Oh, come on.” You scooch a little on the bed, tucking one leg under you to face him more fully. Your eyes pierce his like knives. Very pretty knives. “There’s almost ten million people in New York. You really think I’m going to track you down?” 
“Your dad is the mayor…” 
“Stop.” You give his shoulder a playful shove. Peter’s mask feels suddenly warm. “Those surveillance rumors weren’t true, the tabloids made that up to mess with his re-election campaign.”
“Okay, okay. I’m from Queens.” 
You lean back on your hands, and he can’t decide if the way you’re looking at him is analyzing or flirting. “Interesting,” you say slowly. “So you’re, like, a real man of the people. Not the Bruce Wayne type.” 
“Hey,” he teases, “Bruce Wayne could’ve lived in Queens. It’s nice.” 
“But Bruce Wayne wouldn’t have to sew his own suits,” you point out. 
Peter tilts his head, blows a breath out the side of his mouth. You’ve got him there. 
“And you’re tall, clearly pretty strong, you seem smart…” You nod, seeming to have come to a decision. “I think you’re handsome under there.” 
A laugh startles out of him. He hopes it sounds casual, like it came from someone cool, whose heart isn’t galloping in his chest. Peter really shouldn’t care if you think he has the potential to be handsome under his mask. It’s not like you’ll ever find out. Still, it feels weirdly nice. 
He makes his voice light and playful. “Well, it’s good to have your approval. Now we can pretend that I’m almost in your league.” 
For the first time since he’s gotten here, you look genuinely caught offguard. “Me?” 
“Yeah, you.” Peter grins. It feels good to have flustered you. He’s missed doing that. “Who else?” 
You look away from him as you laugh, shaking your head. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you say, “but you’re a superhero. You’re not the one who should be worried about leagues.” 
You’re cute. Peter makes a bold move, scooting an inch closer to you, into your space. He’s glad you can’t see that under the mask, his face is just as flushed as yours. “I’m not a superhero,” he says, keeping his voice light as meringue. “I’m just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman.” 
You roll your eyes. “Humble, too. Points in your favor.” 
A laugh rumbles through his chest. Someday, he’s gonna have to get Peter Parker in your orbit somehow. He wants to meet you—more than that, he wants you to meet him. He’s not sure how long he can wait. 
He decides to let you off the hook. Slightly. He reaches across you, taking the unused cup from your nightstand. “Thanks for this,” he says. “Once you don’t need me here anymore, I’m gonna take it home and heat it back up.” He grins even though you can’t see it. “Maybe I’ll swing by and return the favor sometime.”
223 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Text
approach shift - epilogue
pairing: Peter Parker x f!reader (TASM/Andrew Garfield version) length: 2.3k rating: explicit 18+ warnings: PIV (protected), sneaky little non-descriptive pegging reference, disGUSting fluff
Peter Parker is a weirdo. A hot, distracting, irritating weirdo. And you can’t afford distractions right now. So there’s only one thing to do.
a/n: I'll keep it quick: I'm so sorry this took so long, but I just wasn't quite ready to finish it off haha. It's been two years almost to the day since I started writing this (and they've been fucking crazy years) so it feels very strange saying goodbye to these adorable losers. I once again can't even start to express how happy it's made me seeing your reactions to this fic, and I'm endlessly grateful to everyone who took the time to leave a comment or reach out to say hi. I hope you like this last sweet little snippet! x
series masterlist
Tumblr media
SIX MONTHS LATER
“We need to get up,” you say, making no move to do so.
He turns his face from where it’s smushed into the pillow to speak, his eyes still closed. “You first.”
You groan. 
You have no idea what time it is, and your phone is out of reach, but the light through the curtains is blinding like near-noon and Bear’s supposed to be here at 10 to pick you up, so you’re almost definitely cutting it fine.
“Peter.” Your legs are tangled with his, his thigh between yours. He huffs morning breath sleepily into your face in response, reaching a hand out to pat your cheek. 
“Shh.” He shifts, pressing his thigh harder between your legs, skin sticky on skin. You know he’s doing it on purpose; he knows exactly where he’s pressing you. You make a quiet, satisfied noise, then pull away regretfully. 
“Bear’s gonna be here soon and you need to be dressed. She’ll freak if she has to see your ass again.” 
“Mmm. Yeah. I’m up.”
You sit up, and the slow weight of his arm slides off your waist. The bedroom door is open to the living room where you can see the debris left over from your at-home date the night before: the bowl still on the couch with a handful of unpopped kernels still rattling in the bottom, the fairy lights web-stuck across the ceiling still glowing gently and the blown-out candles stuck in pastel wax puddles to the coffee table you’d rescued from the curb a few weeks after moving in together. It’d been unbearably funny watching Peter’s elaborate performance of pretending to struggle under the weight of it on the way back home.
He drags himself out of bed, and you hear the coffee machine gurgling while you start pulling out clothes.
It’s hot and stuffy; the air’s stopped working again sometime in the night, so you screech the window open and prop the broom handle under the frame to keep it there. It’s a precarious solution—more than once, the window’s fallen shut while you’ve been at work, forcing Peter to awkwardly perform a frantic outfit change behind the dumpster in the alley so he doesn’t run the risk of running into one of your neighbours in the elevator. But the rent’s affordable for a pair of research scientists with a dash of supplementary freelance photography cash on the side, and the occasional bags of free food from a grateful shop owner after a thwarted hold-up.
“Should we call about the air?” you wonder out loud through the open door.

 “Don’t worry about it, it’ll be quicker if I just get up on the roof and fix it again myself,” Peter says, his voice stretching out into a yawn halfway through. He appears in the bathroom doorway, still naked, two mugs in his hands. 
You gasp in appreciation as he passes one to you. “God, I love you,” you murmur, taking a sip.
He grins dazedly at you in the mirror, his cheeks flushed. “Is that all it takes, huh? A crappy cup of coffee?”
You turn and slide the mug onto the counter so you can wrap your arms around his waist. “No. You’re cute, too. That helps.”
He kisses you, his thumb and index finger framing your chin. “M’not cute,” he says against your lips, leaning his too-warm body along yours. “M’intimidating as hell. Ask anybody.”
You’d only gotten as far as underwear before he’d interrupted you dressing, and it already feels like there’s far too much in the way between you. “You’re gonna make me late,” you say, reaching down to dig your fingers into the taut swell of his ass. “Gotta get ready.”
“Okay, so keep getting ready,” he says, mouthing at your neck. “You’re the one groping me.”
He’s right; now you’ve started, you can’t seem to stop. You press your hands to the small of his back, drawing him closer. You can feel his cock beginning to harden where his body is pressed against yours, and his tongue comes out to touch at your pulse. He makes a tiny noise in his throat as you slip one hand down between your bodies to wrap loosely around his rapidly-growing erection.
You stroke him once, gently, and he huffs. “I don’t see how this is helping,” he says. 
You hum your response, your resolve melting away as he strokes the back of his knuckles down your spine, making you shiver. “Maybe…” you say.
He ducks his head to kiss first one breast, then the other, your nipples standing hard and sensitive. “Maybe?” he prompts. His fingers brush your hip, coming around to rest just below your navel.
“Maybe, if we’re quick…” you say, biting your lip, pushing your hips upward to try to encourage his hand lower.

“Babe, I can be so quick,” he says, half-groan, half-laughter. He thumbs your labia, spreading you open just a little, so he can touch your clit. “Too quick, even, if you want. Some would say it’s a talent.”
You grin at him, letting go of his cock. “Bed. Now.”
He swings you up into his arms so fast your head spins, practically flinging you onto the bed. 
You sprawl out in front of him, your arms thrown back as he peels your underwear off. “Holy shit,” he says, running his hands down your sides, staring at the expanse of your body. His jaw is slack with longing, and the sight of his adoration never fails to make fresh heat flood your face, even after seeing him staring at you like this so many times.
He kneels down over you, sucking two fingers into his mouth as he does. You hitch your knees up to give him a better angle, and he gently presses a firm thigh between your legs. “How do you wanna…?”
“Condom,” you tell him, running your fingers through his hair, making his eyes roll closed with pleasure. “No mess.”
He holds your lower lip gently between his teeth, and slowly pushes his two slick fingers inside you. You shift your hips up, and he withdraws them both again, using the slip of your arousal to work against your clit. He kneels up a little, so he can palm your breast with his other hand as he bends down to lick the inside of your thighs.
“Oh,” you breathe. His fingers stop circling to push back inside you, just as his tongue works a hot, messy kiss over your clit. You grab handfuls of his hair to try to keep up with the pace he’s setting, but the feeling of your fingers against his scalp only makes him work faster, a weak groan vibrating down through his tongue.
He bends his head lower, so he can lick around where your wetness has started to gather on his knuckles as he keeps pumping leisurely, in and out. It’s so wet you can both hear it, and he works faster, angling his fingers higher, until you’re writhing.
“Peter…come on, please,” you beg, yanking hard at his hair. 
It works to break his concentration, and he scrambles up, leaning down sideways so he can dig around in the bottom drawer of the nightstand. It’s filled with an assorted mix of toys and, stashed further back, Peter’s wrist canisters. The logic had been that anybody who broke into your apartment would be too freaked out by the toys to keep looking in the drawer, but it also meant Peter had to dig through a dizzying array of plugs and lube every time he went out.
You turn your head to the side and see the wistful way he glances at your strap-on, and you click your tongue. “We’re in a hurry, remember? Later.”
“Mmm. I’ll hold you to that,” he says, kissing you again as he rolls the condom smoothly over his cock.
He leans back, propping a pillow under your hips to give himself more leverage. As he sinks inside you, you hold your breath, letting it out slowly.
He groans above you, easing just a millimeter out and then back in, like he can’t help himself. It feels devastatingly good; he’s thick and beautifully hard right against where you need him, and thanks to his mouth, you’re wet enough that you’re ready for him to start moving immediately.  
You hook your ankles together behind his back to pull him in deeper, and he sinks home, fully seated balls-deep inside. You clench your muscles, just to feel as much of him as you can, and he grinds his hips against yours. 
You can feel the tension in his limbs as he draws back and starts to move. You’ll never, ever get sick of how he feels inside you, you think, your mouth open. He’s fucking you so good; his strokes long and firm and perfect.
He cups your ass with his hand to lift your hips even further, shifting the angle once again, and your breath stutters sharply in your throat as the head of his cock catches your g-spot.
“That’s it, right?” he murmurs, his voice wrecked. “Right there? That’s it, babe, c’mon, show me, I wanna see…”
You can’t even respond, your fingers gripping his biceps like his body is your only lifeline. It’s so good, and you’re getting so close, you just need…
“Fuck,” you gasp, high-pitched and panicked as you come, hard and blinding. 
He doesn’t slow down. If anything, he fucks you harder, chasing down his own release as you clench and melt around him. It only takes a few more moments before his cock jerks inside you and he curses, collapsing the hot weight of his body on yours.
You pant together, sweaty and spent. His cheek is crushed to yours, and he turns his face just enough to kiss any part of you he can reach—the top of your shoulder, your forehead, the tip of your ear.
When you manage to drag your eyes open, you find his huge doe-brown eyes already looking at you. “Good?” he whispers, kissing your shoulder again.
You smile at him, feeling drunk and dizzy. “So good,” you tell him.
You’re still wrapped up in each other like idiots when he jolts hard as though startled. You’re confused for about half a second, before the buzzer from downstairs goes off. 
“Oh, shit,” you hiss, scrambling out of bed.
“You get ready,” Peter says, somehow already dragging on a pair of sweatpants. The speed and dexterity with which he’s able to dress never ceases to amaze you. “I’ll stall.”
You’re stepping out of the fastest shower of your life when you hear the squeaky door to your apartment opening.
“Hey, Bear,” Peter’s voice says.
“Hey, Parker. Your shirt’s inside-out,” she says. 
You lean the naked top half of your body around the bathroom door to wave at her. “Hey, sorry, I just got out of the shower. I need like, three minutes to get dressed.”
She clicks her tongue, but doesn’t look overly annoyed as she flops onto the couch. “It’s hot as shit in here,” she says cheerfully, swinging her feet up onto your coffee table. 
You can hear her and Peter chatting as you hurriedly get ready; he asks her about Krista, she asks him about his aunt. Unsurprisingly, Bear and May had hit it off in a huge way at your birthday after May had excitedly demanded to know everything about the play Bear was auditioning for.
You give yourself a quick once-over to make sure you look presentable before you duck out into the living room. Peter and Bear have moved onto once again arguing about music; Peter’s on Blur’s side, Bear’s on Oasis’. 
You give them both a sideways look. “I’m not getting involved in this,” you say, checking to make sure your keys are in your bag. “But I’m just saying, in a real fight, Liam Gallagher would kick Damon Albarn’s ass any day of the week.” Peter grins at you from behind the counter, where he’s attempting to clean the disaster left in the kitchen from dinner last night.
“Oh, my God,” Bear says, looking you up and down. “Why do you look so worked up? Were you guys just fucking? Like right now?”

 Peter can’t turn away fast enough to conceal his snort, and you make a face at her. “It’s called caffeine. Come on, we’ll be late.”
Peter waves at her. “Say hi to Krista.”
“You should come with us, next time you get a night off work,” Bear says, helping herself to a stick of gum from the packet on the bench.
“Bye,” you say, leaning in to wrap your arms around Peter’s waist. “Be careful,” you add quietly, leaning up to kiss him.
He grins. “Always am.” He kisses you back, slow and gentle, before letting you go.
Bear shakes her head. “You guys are so gross. Later, Parker.”
Peter trails you to the door so he can close it behind you. Bear’s a few feet ahead of you, and you don’t mean to linger, but you can’t help but look back one last time as you go.
Peter’s leaning in the door, a dish rag over his shoulder. His hair’s chaotic from where you’d run your fingers through it, and his cheeks are still a little pink with warmth. 
As you watch, his eyes crease at the corners. “Love you,” he mouths, too quiet for Bear to hear. He still has the cutlery in his hands he’d been drying before you walked out; two knives, two forks. 
You can feel your face splitting into a smile you’re sure must be even goofier than his. You hold his gaze, and as Bear drags you away, you’re missing him already.
276 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Text
approach shift - epilogue
pairing: Peter Parker x f!reader (TASM/Andrew Garfield version) length: 2.3k rating: explicit 18+ warnings: PIV (protected), sneaky little non-descriptive pegging reference, disGUSting fluff
Peter Parker is a weirdo. A hot, distracting, irritating weirdo. And you can’t afford distractions right now. So there’s only one thing to do.
a/n: I'll keep it quick: I'm so sorry this took so long, but I just wasn't quite ready to finish it off haha. It's been two years almost to the day since I started writing this (and they've been fucking crazy years) so it feels very strange saying goodbye to these adorable losers. I once again can't even start to express how happy it's made me seeing your reactions to this fic, and I'm endlessly grateful to everyone who took the time to leave a comment or reach out to say hi. I hope you like this last sweet little snippet! x
series masterlist
Tumblr media
SIX MONTHS LATER
“We need to get up,” you say, making no move to do so.
He turns his face from where it’s smushed into the pillow to speak, his eyes still closed. “You first.”
You groan. 
You have no idea what time it is, and your phone is out of reach, but the light through the curtains is blinding like near-noon and Bear’s supposed to be here at 10 to pick you up, so you’re almost definitely cutting it fine.
“Peter.” Your legs are tangled with his, his thigh between yours. He huffs morning breath sleepily into your face in response, reaching a hand out to pat your cheek. 
“Shh.” He shifts, pressing his thigh harder between your legs, skin sticky on skin. You know he’s doing it on purpose; he knows exactly where he’s pressing you. You make a quiet, satisfied noise, then pull away regretfully. 
“Bear’s gonna be here soon and you need to be dressed. She’ll freak if she has to see your ass again.” 
“Mmm. Yeah. I’m up.”
You sit up, and the slow weight of his arm slides off your waist. The bedroom door is open to the living room where you can see the debris left over from your at-home date the night before: the bowl still on the couch with a handful of unpopped kernels still rattling in the bottom, the fairy lights web-stuck across the ceiling still glowing gently and the blown-out candles stuck in pastel wax puddles to the coffee table you’d rescued from the curb a few weeks after moving in together. It’d been unbearably funny watching Peter’s elaborate performance of pretending to struggle under the weight of it on the way back home.
He drags himself out of bed, and you hear the coffee machine gurgling while you start pulling out clothes.
It’s hot and stuffy; the air’s stopped working again sometime in the night, so you screech the window open and prop the broom handle under the frame to keep it there. It’s a precarious solution—more than once, the window’s fallen shut while you’ve been at work, forcing Peter to awkwardly perform a frantic outfit change behind the dumpster in the alley so he doesn’t run the risk of running into one of your neighbours in the elevator. But the rent’s affordable for a pair of research scientists with a dash of supplementary freelance photography cash on the side, and the occasional bags of free food from a grateful shop owner after a thwarted hold-up.
“Should we call about the air?” you wonder out loud through the open door.

 “Don’t worry about it, it’ll be quicker if I just get up on the roof and fix it again myself,” Peter says, his voice stretching out into a yawn halfway through. He appears in the bathroom doorway, still naked, two mugs in his hands. 
You gasp in appreciation as he passes one to you. “God, I love you,” you murmur, taking a sip.
He grins dazedly at you in the mirror, his cheeks flushed. “Is that all it takes, huh? A crappy cup of coffee?”
You turn and slide the mug onto the counter so you can wrap your arms around his waist. “No. You’re cute, too. That helps.”
He kisses you, his thumb and index finger framing your chin. “M’not cute,” he says against your lips, leaning his too-warm body along yours. “M’intimidating as hell. Ask anybody.”
You’d only gotten as far as underwear before he’d interrupted you dressing, and it already feels like there’s far too much in the way between you. “You’re gonna make me late,” you say, reaching down to dig your fingers into the taut swell of his ass. “Gotta get ready.”
“Okay, so keep getting ready,” he says, mouthing at your neck. “You’re the one groping me.”
He’s right; now you’ve started, you can’t seem to stop. You press your hands to the small of his back, drawing him closer. You can feel his cock beginning to harden where his body is pressed against yours, and his tongue comes out to touch at your pulse. He makes a tiny noise in his throat as you slip one hand down between your bodies to wrap loosely around his rapidly-growing erection.
You stroke him once, gently, and he huffs. “I don’t see how this is helping,” he says. 
You hum your response, your resolve melting away as he strokes the back of his knuckles down your spine, making you shiver. “Maybe…” you say.
He ducks his head to kiss first one breast, then the other, your nipples standing hard and sensitive. “Maybe?” he prompts. His fingers brush your hip, coming around to rest just below your navel.
“Maybe, if we’re quick…” you say, biting your lip, pushing your hips upward to try to encourage his hand lower.

“Babe, I can be so quick,” he says, half-groan, half-laughter. He thumbs your labia, spreading you open just a little, so he can touch your clit. “Too quick, even, if you want. Some would say it’s a talent.”
You grin at him, letting go of his cock. “Bed. Now.”
He swings you up into his arms so fast your head spins, practically flinging you onto the bed. 
You sprawl out in front of him, your arms thrown back as he peels your underwear off. “Holy shit,” he says, running his hands down your sides, staring at the expanse of your body. His jaw is slack with longing, and the sight of his adoration never fails to make fresh heat flood your face, even after seeing him staring at you like this so many times.
He kneels down over you, sucking two fingers into his mouth as he does. You hitch your knees up to give him a better angle, and he gently presses a firm thigh between your legs. “How do you wanna…?”
“Condom,” you tell him, running your fingers through his hair, making his eyes roll closed with pleasure. “No mess.”
He holds your lower lip gently between his teeth, and slowly pushes his two slick fingers inside you. You shift your hips up, and he withdraws them both again, using the slip of your arousal to work against your clit. He kneels up a little, so he can palm your breast with his other hand as he bends down to lick the inside of your thighs.
“Oh,” you breathe. His fingers stop circling to push back inside you, just as his tongue works a hot, messy kiss over your clit. You grab handfuls of his hair to try to keep up with the pace he’s setting, but the feeling of your fingers against his scalp only makes him work faster, a weak groan vibrating down through his tongue.
He bends his head lower, so he can lick around where your wetness has started to gather on his knuckles as he keeps pumping leisurely, in and out. It’s so wet you can both hear it, and he works faster, angling his fingers higher, until you’re writhing.
“Peter…come on, please,” you beg, yanking hard at his hair. 
It works to break his concentration, and he scrambles up, leaning down sideways so he can dig around in the bottom drawer of the nightstand. It’s filled with an assorted mix of toys and, stashed further back, Peter’s wrist canisters. The logic had been that anybody who broke into your apartment would be too freaked out by the toys to keep looking in the drawer, but it also meant Peter had to dig through a dizzying array of plugs and lube every time he went out.
You turn your head to the side and see the wistful way he glances at your strap-on, and you click your tongue. “We’re in a hurry, remember? Later.”
“Mmm. I’ll hold you to that,” he says, kissing you again as he rolls the condom smoothly over his cock.
He leans back, propping a pillow under your hips to give himself more leverage. As he sinks inside you, you hold your breath, letting it out slowly.
He groans above you, easing just a millimeter out and then back in, like he can’t help himself. It feels devastatingly good; he’s thick and beautifully hard right against where you need him, and thanks to his mouth, you’re wet enough that you’re ready for him to start moving immediately.  
You hook your ankles together behind his back to pull him in deeper, and he sinks home, fully seated balls-deep inside. You clench your muscles, just to feel as much of him as you can, and he grinds his hips against yours. 
You can feel the tension in his limbs as he draws back and starts to move. You’ll never, ever get sick of how he feels inside you, you think, your mouth open. He’s fucking you so good; his strokes long and firm and perfect.
He cups your ass with his hand to lift your hips even further, shifting the angle once again, and your breath stutters sharply in your throat as the head of his cock catches your g-spot.
“That’s it, right?” he murmurs, his voice wrecked. “Right there? That’s it, babe, c’mon, show me, I wanna see…”
You can’t even respond, your fingers gripping his biceps like his body is your only lifeline. It’s so good, and you’re getting so close, you just need…
“Fuck,” you gasp, high-pitched and panicked as you come, hard and blinding. 
He doesn’t slow down. If anything, he fucks you harder, chasing down his own release as you clench and melt around him. It only takes a few more moments before his cock jerks inside you and he curses, collapsing the hot weight of his body on yours.
You pant together, sweaty and spent. His cheek is crushed to yours, and he turns his face just enough to kiss any part of you he can reach—the top of your shoulder, your forehead, the tip of your ear.
When you manage to drag your eyes open, you find his huge doe-brown eyes already looking at you. “Good?” he whispers, kissing your shoulder again.
You smile at him, feeling drunk and dizzy. “So good,” you tell him.
You’re still wrapped up in each other like idiots when he jolts hard as though startled. You’re confused for about half a second, before the buzzer from downstairs goes off. 
“Oh, shit,” you hiss, scrambling out of bed.
“You get ready,” Peter says, somehow already dragging on a pair of sweatpants. The speed and dexterity with which he’s able to dress never ceases to amaze you. “I’ll stall.”
You’re stepping out of the fastest shower of your life when you hear the squeaky door to your apartment opening.
“Hey, Bear,” Peter’s voice says.
“Hey, Parker. Your shirt’s inside-out,” she says. 
You lean the naked top half of your body around the bathroom door to wave at her. “Hey, sorry, I just got out of the shower. I need like, three minutes to get dressed.”
She clicks her tongue, but doesn’t look overly annoyed as she flops onto the couch. “It’s hot as shit in here,” she says cheerfully, swinging her feet up onto your coffee table. 
You can hear her and Peter chatting as you hurriedly get ready; he asks her about Krista, she asks him about his aunt. Unsurprisingly, Bear and May had hit it off in a huge way at your birthday after May had excitedly demanded to know everything about the play Bear was auditioning for.
You give yourself a quick once-over to make sure you look presentable before you duck out into the living room. Peter and Bear have moved onto once again arguing about music; Peter’s on Blur’s side, Bear’s on Oasis’. 
You give them both a sideways look. “I’m not getting involved in this,” you say, checking to make sure your keys are in your bag. “But I’m just saying, in a real fight, Liam Gallagher would kick Damon Albarn’s ass any day of the week.” Peter grins at you from behind the counter, where he’s attempting to clean the disaster left in the kitchen from dinner last night.
“Oh, my God,” Bear says, looking you up and down. “Why do you look so worked up? Were you guys just fucking? Like right now?”

 Peter can’t turn away fast enough to conceal his snort, and you make a face at her. “It’s called caffeine. Come on, we’ll be late.”
Peter waves at her. “Say hi to Krista.”
“You should come with us, next time you get a night off work,” Bear says, helping herself to a stick of gum from the packet on the bench.
“Bye,” you say, leaning in to wrap your arms around Peter’s waist. “Be careful,” you add quietly, leaning up to kiss him.
He grins. “Always am.” He kisses you back, slow and gentle, before letting you go.
Bear shakes her head. “You guys are so gross. Later, Parker.”
Peter trails you to the door so he can close it behind you. Bear’s a few feet ahead of you, and you don’t mean to linger, but you can’t help but look back one last time as you go.
Peter’s leaning in the door, a dish rag over his shoulder. His hair’s chaotic from where you’d run your fingers through it, and his cheeks are still a little pink with warmth. 
As you watch, his eyes crease at the corners. “Love you,” he mouths, too quiet for Bear to hear. He still has the cutlery in his hands he’d been drying before you walked out; two knives, two forks. 
You can feel your face splitting into a smile you’re sure must be even goofier than his. You hold his gaze, and as Bear drags you away, you’re missing him already.
276 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Text
approach shift - epilogue
pairing: Peter Parker x f!reader (TASM/Andrew Garfield version) length: 2.3k rating: explicit 18+ warnings: PIV (protected), sneaky little non-descriptive pegging reference, disGUSting fluff
Peter Parker is a weirdo. A hot, distracting, irritating weirdo. And you can’t afford distractions right now. So there’s only one thing to do.
a/n: I'll keep it quick: I'm so sorry this took so long, but I just wasn't quite ready to finish it off haha. It's been two years almost to the day since I started writing this (and they've been fucking crazy years) so it feels very strange saying goodbye to these adorable losers. I once again can't even start to express how happy it's made me seeing your reactions to this fic, and I'm endlessly grateful to everyone who took the time to leave a comment or reach out to say hi. I hope you like this last sweet little snippet! x
series masterlist
Tumblr media
SIX MONTHS LATER
“We need to get up,” you say, making no move to do so.
He turns his face from where it’s smushed into the pillow to speak, his eyes still closed. “You first.”
You groan. 
You have no idea what time it is, and your phone is out of reach, but the light through the curtains is blinding like near-noon and Bear’s supposed to be here at 10 to pick you up, so you’re almost definitely cutting it fine.
“Peter.” Your legs are tangled with his, his thigh between yours. He huffs morning breath sleepily into your face in response, reaching a hand out to pat your cheek. 
“Shh.” He shifts, pressing his thigh harder between your legs, skin sticky on skin. You know he’s doing it on purpose; he knows exactly where he’s pressing you. You make a quiet, satisfied noise, then pull away regretfully. 
“Bear’s gonna be here soon and you need to be dressed. She’ll freak if she has to see your ass again.” 
“Mmm. Yeah. I’m up.”
You sit up, and the slow weight of his arm slides off your waist. The bedroom door is open to the living room where you can see the debris left over from your at-home date the night before: the bowl still on the couch with a handful of unpopped kernels still rattling in the bottom, the fairy lights web-stuck across the ceiling still glowing gently and the blown-out candles stuck in pastel wax puddles to the coffee table you’d rescued from the curb a few weeks after moving in together. It’d been unbearably funny watching Peter’s elaborate performance of pretending to struggle under the weight of it on the way back home.
He drags himself out of bed, and you hear the coffee machine gurgling while you start pulling out clothes.
It’s hot and stuffy; the air’s stopped working again sometime in the night, so you screech the window open and prop the broom handle under the frame to keep it there. It’s a precarious solution—more than once, the window’s fallen shut while you’ve been at work, forcing Peter to awkwardly perform a frantic outfit change behind the dumpster in the alley so he doesn’t run the risk of running into one of your neighbours in the elevator. But the rent’s affordable for a pair of research scientists with a dash of supplementary freelance photography cash on the side, and the occasional bags of free food from a grateful shop owner after a thwarted hold-up.
“Should we call about the air?” you wonder out loud through the open door.

 “Don’t worry about it, it’ll be quicker if I just get up on the roof and fix it again myself,” Peter says, his voice stretching out into a yawn halfway through. He appears in the bathroom doorway, still naked, two mugs in his hands. 
You gasp in appreciation as he passes one to you. “God, I love you,” you murmur, taking a sip.
He grins dazedly at you in the mirror, his cheeks flushed. “Is that all it takes, huh? A crappy cup of coffee?”
You turn and slide the mug onto the counter so you can wrap your arms around his waist. “No. You’re cute, too. That helps.”
He kisses you, his thumb and index finger framing your chin. “M’not cute,” he says against your lips, leaning his too-warm body along yours. “M’intimidating as hell. Ask anybody.”
You’d only gotten as far as underwear before he’d interrupted you dressing, and it already feels like there’s far too much in the way between you. “You’re gonna make me late,” you say, reaching down to dig your fingers into the taut swell of his ass. “Gotta get ready.”
“Okay, so keep getting ready,” he says, mouthing at your neck. “You’re the one groping me.”
He’s right; now you’ve started, you can’t seem to stop. You press your hands to the small of his back, drawing him closer. You can feel his cock beginning to harden where his body is pressed against yours, and his tongue comes out to touch at your pulse. He makes a tiny noise in his throat as you slip one hand down between your bodies to wrap loosely around his rapidly-growing erection.
You stroke him once, gently, and he huffs. “I don’t see how this is helping,” he says. 
You hum your response, your resolve melting away as he strokes the back of his knuckles down your spine, making you shiver. “Maybe…” you say.
He ducks his head to kiss first one breast, then the other, your nipples standing hard and sensitive. “Maybe?” he prompts. His fingers brush your hip, coming around to rest just below your navel.
“Maybe, if we’re quick…” you say, biting your lip, pushing your hips upward to try to encourage his hand lower.

“Babe, I can be so quick,” he says, half-groan, half-laughter. He thumbs your labia, spreading you open just a little, so he can touch your clit. “Too quick, even, if you want. Some would say it’s a talent.”
You grin at him, letting go of his cock. “Bed. Now.”
He swings you up into his arms so fast your head spins, practically flinging you onto the bed. 
You sprawl out in front of him, your arms thrown back as he peels your underwear off. “Holy shit,” he says, running his hands down your sides, staring at the expanse of your body. His jaw is slack with longing, and the sight of his adoration never fails to make fresh heat flood your face, even after seeing him staring at you like this so many times.
He kneels down over you, sucking two fingers into his mouth as he does. You hitch your knees up to give him a better angle, and he gently presses a firm thigh between your legs. “How do you wanna…?”
“Condom,” you tell him, running your fingers through his hair, making his eyes roll closed with pleasure. “No mess.”
He holds your lower lip gently between his teeth, and slowly pushes his two slick fingers inside you. You shift your hips up, and he withdraws them both again, using the slip of your arousal to work against your clit. He kneels up a little, so he can palm your breast with his other hand as he bends down to lick the inside of your thighs.
“Oh,” you breathe. His fingers stop circling to push back inside you, just as his tongue works a hot, messy kiss over your clit. You grab handfuls of his hair to try to keep up with the pace he’s setting, but the feeling of your fingers against his scalp only makes him work faster, a weak groan vibrating down through his tongue.
He bends his head lower, so he can lick around where your wetness has started to gather on his knuckles as he keeps pumping leisurely, in and out. It’s so wet you can both hear it, and he works faster, angling his fingers higher, until you’re writhing.
“Peter…come on, please,” you beg, yanking hard at his hair. 
It works to break his concentration, and he scrambles up, leaning down sideways so he can dig around in the bottom drawer of the nightstand. It’s filled with an assorted mix of toys and, stashed further back, Peter’s wrist canisters. The logic had been that anybody who broke into your apartment would be too freaked out by the toys to keep looking in the drawer, but it also meant Peter had to dig through a dizzying array of plugs and lube every time he went out.
You turn your head to the side and see the wistful way he glances at your strap-on, and you click your tongue. “We’re in a hurry, remember? Later.”
“Mmm. I’ll hold you to that,” he says, kissing you again as he rolls the condom smoothly over his cock.
He leans back, propping a pillow under your hips to give himself more leverage. As he sinks inside you, you hold your breath, letting it out slowly.
He groans above you, easing just a millimeter out and then back in, like he can’t help himself. It feels devastatingly good; he’s thick and beautifully hard right against where you need him, and thanks to his mouth, you’re wet enough that you’re ready for him to start moving immediately.  
You hook your ankles together behind his back to pull him in deeper, and he sinks home, fully seated balls-deep inside. You clench your muscles, just to feel as much of him as you can, and he grinds his hips against yours. 
You can feel the tension in his limbs as he draws back and starts to move. You’ll never, ever get sick of how he feels inside you, you think, your mouth open. He’s fucking you so good; his strokes long and firm and perfect.
He cups your ass with his hand to lift your hips even further, shifting the angle once again, and your breath stutters sharply in your throat as the head of his cock catches your g-spot.
“That’s it, right?” he murmurs, his voice wrecked. “Right there? That’s it, babe, c’mon, show me, I wanna see…”
You can’t even respond, your fingers gripping his biceps like his body is your only lifeline. It’s so good, and you’re getting so close, you just need…
“Fuck,” you gasp, high-pitched and panicked as you come, hard and blinding. 
He doesn’t slow down. If anything, he fucks you harder, chasing down his own release as you clench and melt around him. It only takes a few more moments before his cock jerks inside you and he curses, collapsing the hot weight of his body on yours.
You pant together, sweaty and spent. His cheek is crushed to yours, and he turns his face just enough to kiss any part of you he can reach—the top of your shoulder, your forehead, the tip of your ear.
When you manage to drag your eyes open, you find his huge doe-brown eyes already looking at you. “Good?” he whispers, kissing your shoulder again.
You smile at him, feeling drunk and dizzy. “So good,” you tell him.
You’re still wrapped up in each other like idiots when he jolts hard as though startled. You’re confused for about half a second, before the buzzer from downstairs goes off. 
“Oh, shit,” you hiss, scrambling out of bed.
“You get ready,” Peter says, somehow already dragging on a pair of sweatpants. The speed and dexterity with which he’s able to dress never ceases to amaze you. “I’ll stall.”
You’re stepping out of the fastest shower of your life when you hear the squeaky door to your apartment opening.
“Hey, Bear,” Peter’s voice says.
“Hey, Parker. Your shirt’s inside-out,” she says. 
You lean the naked top half of your body around the bathroom door to wave at her. “Hey, sorry, I just got out of the shower. I need like, three minutes to get dressed.”
She clicks her tongue, but doesn’t look overly annoyed as she flops onto the couch. “It’s hot as shit in here,” she says cheerfully, swinging her feet up onto your coffee table. 
You can hear her and Peter chatting as you hurriedly get ready; he asks her about Krista, she asks him about his aunt. Unsurprisingly, Bear and May had hit it off in a huge way at your birthday after May had excitedly demanded to know everything about the play Bear was auditioning for.
You give yourself a quick once-over to make sure you look presentable before you duck out into the living room. Peter and Bear have moved onto once again arguing about music; Peter’s on Blur’s side, Bear’s on Oasis’. 
You give them both a sideways look. “I’m not getting involved in this,” you say, checking to make sure your keys are in your bag. “But I’m just saying, in a real fight, Liam Gallagher would kick Damon Albarn’s ass any day of the week.” Peter grins at you from behind the counter, where he’s attempting to clean the disaster left in the kitchen from dinner last night.
“Oh, my God,” Bear says, looking you up and down. “Why do you look so worked up? Were you guys just fucking? Like right now?”

 Peter can’t turn away fast enough to conceal his snort, and you make a face at her. “It’s called caffeine. Come on, we’ll be late.”
Peter waves at her. “Say hi to Krista.”
“You should come with us, next time you get a night off work,” Bear says, helping herself to a stick of gum from the packet on the bench.
“Bye,” you say, leaning in to wrap your arms around Peter’s waist. “Be careful,” you add quietly, leaning up to kiss him.
He grins. “Always am.” He kisses you back, slow and gentle, before letting you go.
Bear shakes her head. “You guys are so gross. Later, Parker.”
Peter trails you to the door so he can close it behind you. Bear’s a few feet ahead of you, and you don’t mean to linger, but you can’t help but look back one last time as you go.
Peter’s leaning in the door, a dish rag over his shoulder. His hair’s chaotic from where you’d run your fingers through it, and his cheeks are still a little pink with warmth. 
As you watch, his eyes crease at the corners. “Love you,” he mouths, too quiet for Bear to hear. He still has the cutlery in his hands he’d been drying before you walked out; two knives, two forks. 
You can feel your face splitting into a smile you’re sure must be even goofier than his. You hold his gaze, and as Bear drags you away, you’re missing him already.
276 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Note
PETER PARKER ANGST????❤️🫡🛬🤭😍🗣🙀🫡😀🫡🫶😀😟🫶😟❤️ (if you dont write it ill sob violently on the floor ☹️)
we could call it even
tasm!peter x fem!reader
summary:
"peter parker," she says, "you're like a legend around here."
warnings: unspecified angst, series, no fluff, no explanation
a/n: might i introduce a playlist entitled stupid boy which i listened to while writing this (and the other parts????)
Tumblr media
*
there's a specific time of night that is appropriate to go to the market. 
or inappropriate, depending on how old you are. 
if you're in your sixties and sometimes feel like your joints are just notches that need to be oiled, midnight probably isn't your designed time for grocery shopping. seven in the morning is typically the best time for swollen lungs and--literal--broken hearts. 
but if you're you, exhausted from running around all day, unpleasant from all of the people you've talked to, and trying to avoid anyone (everyone) you might know--and secrets you don't feel like sharing--then midnight is a perfect time. and perfectly normal, thank you very much.
you're not even sure why meyer's is open this late. there's no way the owner, jerry, is staying up until midnight to check out the lowlifes or drunk teenagers stopping by, and you know that these aren't prime business hours--evident by the crickets you can hear behind the 'fresh produce' section. maybe he forgets that it's open, and that susan--the only person willing to work here--is still on the clock. or maybe he's just taking pity on you. you don’t think he’s ever there, but maybe he hides around corners, noting the new lines on your face so he can report it back to every person in town. gossip is like a disease, and you’re never alone in a place like this. never quite at peace. 
you look around the next shelf for jerry, or a gust of wind that follows him running away. there’s only silence. the echoes of your footsteps. 
it doesn't matter why meyer’s is open. you're thankful for this time alone. or at least by yourself.
it's a welcome change to have no one judge you for your selection of deli cheese and baked goods. or the three containers of instant coffee you've hidden underneath it all. just out of habit. 
tuesday nights are yours, and the market is your chosen domain. 
usually, that is. usually, you're all alone. usually, you can run around on the carts and pick up anything you accidentally knock over. you can spill an entire bottle of wine on the floor and no one will blink an eye. jerry wouldn’t even be able to hear it from three feet away.
but tonight--on this tuesday when your feet hurt a little bit more than necessary, and your eyes are twitching at all of the lights--apparently you're not alone. 
which you wished you would have realized before you started humming 'single ladies' a bit too loudly. 
you wished you would have skipped shopping at all, really, as soon as you see his face. 
his wide eyes--surprised and silvered by age, much like yours--and his open mouth.
in a different world, you would be shocked--shocked instead of scared--and you might run to him. you might ask him why he didn't tell you he was coming? what is he doing here? in a different world, you two would be the only people in the market and it would be fine. 
it might even be great. 
this subtle shift in autonomy wouldn’t hurt the peace you’re looking for on this tuesday night.
there wouldn't be this obvious horror story standing between the two of you, this looming presence. the history of a thousand lies, bruise after bruise, and scars so red that they could burn through the ground. glass shattered around your feet.
the lights might as well start flickering. you should probably call out "hello?" even though he's right in front of you, and if he was going to murder you, he probably wouldn't answer. a door should creak. 
you should probably go. 
you should probably run away before he can take a step closer. you don't look a threat in the eye and smile at it. you don't feed a stray cat. 
it always comes back. 
why is he here? 
you take a step away. as soon as you notice him--behind, between, all over you--silence ensues. you might as well be at a loss for words. you don't have much to say to him. 
not to that look in his eyes, or his receding hairline, or that peak on his mouth. 
because peter would be here. at this time. and he would be trying to hide a smile, a smirk, when he's not even supposed to be within a five-hundred-foot vicinity of you. 
actually, maybe you forgot to mail that restraining order. 
but the words come out anyway because your body has always betrayed you when it comes to him. 
"peter?" you blurt out, and just saying the word stirs the simmering feeling inside of you. just saying his name is enough of a warning. 
"hey," he whispers and takes a step closer. you step back. he leans away like he knows his proximity is toxic. "sorry, i didn't mean to scare you." 
i didn't mean to. 
and yet. 
you breathe and forget how to blink. he might disappear. "peter," you repeat, as a form of masochism. you don't breathe at all. 
"sorry," he says, again. he doesn't say what for. there could be a million things. 
"um," you choke out, looking around--away from him and his manipulative eyes. "what?" you laugh to yourself, hand running over your face. you roll your eyes back into your head and laugh again. you shake your head. 
you look at peter, at his furrowed brow and inward stance, and you snort. look away from him before it's too late. 
you're laughing like something is funny. it's not. 
it's really not. 
"are you..." peter is swallowing. you'd like to pretend that his voice is hollow and cold, much like that cave inside your chest, but it's not. you recognize that concern, that softness in his voice that used to be just yours. "are you okay?" 
you almost giggle at him. it comes out as more of a cough. 
you wonder if you look like a ghost. some remanent of who you used to be--the person that only peter used to know.
"peter," you sigh, and step away from your cart. into the shelf you've been backing yourself into. 
you step away from him, still shaking your head. 
"i've got to--" you trip as you turn around and say to mostly yourself, "i've got to go." 
groceries, and peter, be damned, you think, as you walk out of the building and prepare yourself to never ever come back. 
it wouldn't be the first time. 
*
you are having your daily debate with mrs. brooke about the amount of calories in each pastry, in which you tell her that you only measure the amount of pleasure someone might get out of each one—which earns you a lovely sneer—and that she should try the blueberry scone. 
she always rolls her eyes at you, says something about watching her weight even though she’s looked the same since you were five years old and sneaking through her yard to catch the neighborhood cat. and then she leaves with a breakfast sandwich. 
it’s actually one of the most enjoyable parts of your day. 
here’s the thing about knowing every single person that comes into the shop: you know exactly what they’re going to order, and you know what type of conversation you’re going to have with them. 
mrs. brooke always stresses about her breakfast, her smile a tense sort of pleasant, but by the time she leaves her head is held a little higher. if she chooses the sandwich instead of the scone, then she’s started her day off right. you used to feel exasperated by her indecisive nature, but now you find it kind of adorable. 
mr. meyer—jerry—just comes in so he can complain about the surplus of options on your menu. he wants a black coffee, and he wants to complain. you always smile at him and ask if he’s sure he doesn’t want to try the raspberry green tea. he finds this less than humorous. 
every kid wants some kind of hot chocolate—which you actually have an excessive amount of—and no matter what their parents say, you sneak some extra marshmallows in. and everyone pretends otherwise. 
susan—your kindergarten teacher, now friend—asks if you’ve met anyone special lately. it doesn’t matter that the selection of single people your age is always the same. there’s got to be someone special, she says to you and leaves with a cider she tells everyone is a latte. 
there are the people who want their lattes and mochas, those who want some alternative milk that they complain about—even though you’ve tried every brand on earth—there are the people who don’t ever buy anything, and just come in to pretend they want something and talk to you. they gossip about the other people in town as if you aren’t well aware of everything that goes on.
you roll your eyes, but you appreciate the company. things get pretty boring when you can guess everyone’s schedule. 
but you like your tiny tea shop. you like the consistency. you enjoy the smiles you throw out, and the complaints you receive. it’s a routine, and nothing goes wrong. you're in control of this one thing, and that's just how you like it. 
in control, that is, of course, until you see him when mrs. brooke is walking away. 
“oh!” she says, pausing, her drink shaking in hand, her pink fingernails a smudge against the shadow suddenly coming from right in front of you. she is just a foot too close to him. “is that peter parker?” she asks, saying his voice like an omen, turning around so she can set her cup and bag down, and then hugging him so hard you can see her muscles working beneath her sleeve. 
“hey, mrs. brooke,” peter wheezes out, a strangled smile on his aged face. his same eyes.
he is just as surprised as you at her sudden outburst, the cooing noises she's making as she attempts to crumble him.
“look how handsome you’ve gotten! and so strong. what are those new yorkers doing with you?” 
“definitely not trying to squeeze me to death.” 
mrs. brooke laughs, somewhat vindictively, and she turns back around to look at you, with wide eyes. “did you know he was in town, dear? why didn’t you say anything? i almost had a heart attack.” 
peter clears his throat before you can throw any type of face on. any mask. “it’s a surprise,” he mock whispers, and his eyes dash to yours, then away, just as quick. “don’t tell anyone.” 
“it’s not like they’d believe me anyway,” she scoffs, “you’re a legend around here.” 
“i’m honored.” 
she laughs again, then grabs her cup. “oh,” she whispers, too loud. her eyes are tight, as if she’s intruded. “of course. i’ll leave and let you two talk.” 
and within a blink of an eye, she is running out of the shop, faster than you’ve ever seen anyone escape from here. 
and peter is there, standing in front of you. his face is smooth, calm, his eyes roaming over your face like he still has the privilege of knowing any of it. 
and your heart might be racing, if it was still there. 
"hi," he whispers. it is quiet enough for you to feel it in your chest. his voice and the memory of it. 
does he sound different? has he really changed that much in the last two years? is his face a bit worn? are his eyes a different color? 
but it doesn’t matter what rattles through your head—when you look at peter, you just see him. your peter. 
except that he’s completely different. 
you clear your throat, looking away and pushing off of the counter. “what can i get you?” 
peter blinks. “oh, um…” he looks at the menu above your head, back to you. “what—“ he swallows. “what would you recommend?” 
“it’s all good.” your voice is clipped. you should’ve said pure brewed black tea, no ice, no sweetener, no cup. just to get him out of here. you should've recommended the starbucks three towns over.
he swallows, again. a hand rakes through his hair. “i… just a sec.” 
there is a single second where you grant him the patience you would give every other customer—smile politely and let them know to ask if they have any questions. a single second where you treat him like anybody else. 
and then you say: “do you want a mocha, peter?” with an anger that shouldn’t—can’t—be contained inside of you. 
you wince at his name. the singe of his brand on you, going down your throat. 
peter seems to watch this on your face, because he’s even quieter when he answers, “sure, that’d be great.” 
so you grab a cup, writing his name on it, and move to grab the milk. 
you turn around and pretend like you’ve just forgotten he’s there. 
peter doesn’t take this hint. 
“so…” he says, his feet are loud as they tap on the ground. “you still work here, huh?” 
you barely grunt a response, spilling chocolate in the cup recklessly. if peter dies of a clogged artery it won’t be your fault. 
“that’s nice. felix always loved you. and you loved working here, back in highschool.” you have to face him as you steam the milk, and you try not to pointedly stare. not to roll your eyes or hiss at him. “it’s different though. the decor, i mean. but nice. i like it. did you do it?” 
“yes.” 
you grab his cup, pouring the milk and shoving the cap on it. “here,” your fingertips burn as you pass it to him, and you don’t think it’s because of the drink. 
“thank you.” 
you both stand there; peter blinks and doesn’t leave. 
he coughs. “i didn’t pay.”
“mrs. brooke would kill me if i made you pay for your first drink back home.” 
“well, she knows where you live,” his lip twitches, but he doesn’t laugh. 
and neither do you. 
“is it just you here?” he asks. “no felix?” 
“he sold me the shop a year ago.” 
his eyes widen. “oh. oh! that’s great. congrats.” 
“thank you.” 
you don’t move your eyes from his face, because it’s suddenly not fair that he’s here. that he’s allowed to intrude like this. 
“it’s good to see you,” peter relents, a fake smile playing on his lips. 
you falter. your heart turns in your chest, just so it doesn’t have to look at him anymore. “i’m working, okay?” you say, whispering. “i can't do this right now.” 
“right. yeah.” peter trips on a step back. his eyes are scanning your face again. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t—“ he blows out a breath. “i’m sorry.” 
you nod. watch the ground as he stumbles over it. 
“i mean it though,” he adds, like he hadn’t thought about it. “it’s good to see you.” 
and then peter swallows. you blink at him. 
when he turns around the bell rings as he pushes it. and peter doesn’t look back. 
he’s right about one thing, at least. it is nostalgic. 
*
"when were you going to tell me?" your mom asks, leaning against her kitchen counter--the same one you scribbled on as a kid, smiley faces still apparent. she's doing that fake smile thing. the one that makes you want to storm off and slam the door like some mistreated teenager. 
you don't, but both of you know that you think about it. for at least five seconds
"tell you what?" you ask, instead, setting the groceries you brought for her on the counter. 
"about peter." 
your eyes close. he would follow you around, wherever you go. he's probably hiding in some vent, smiling maliciously. 
there's that teasing voice in your head saying small town, small small town, but you just turn around, ignoring it, and her, and raise a brow. "peter parker?" you repeat, rhetorically. "twenty-four, new york. brown hair, brown eyes. lived here his whole life, has an aunt who lives next door, tried to steal our cat when he was nine..." you drawl off, making a point to smile. "ringing any bells?" 
she throws a dish towel at you. "you know thats not what i meant." 
"do i?" 
you wipe the counter with the towel, then fold it nicely on the counter, all the while avoiding your mother's eyes. 
but you know she won't leave it alone. the same way she hasnt left you alone once in the past four years, like she can dig your feelings up from whatever grave you buried them in.
there's a part of you that wants to crawl over to her and ask her to make you some hot chocolate, to watch some childrens movie on the couch with you. you want to be the little kid who would've depended on that knowing glance she's still giving you. the little kid who idolized her and wasn't afraid to admit the truth--even if you did steal that chocolate bar from under her sink.
but you're grown, and this doesn't matter. not in the long run, anyway. 
you look up, expectant eyes. she has your same eyes, and meets them.
"linda told nancy, who told jerry, who told me over the phone..." she shakes her head. "but may was here earlier." 
"yeah? how is she?" 
"good, busy, i'm guessing, because you know how she dotes over him." 
"yeah..." 
you fold the towel again, running your fingertips over the embrodered flowers. 
"have you seen him?" 
you swallow, and nod absentmindedly. you're not going to tell her about the grocery store. "yeah, he came into the shop yesterday." 
she taps your hand, and you let go of the rag. she hangs it back over the oven, the ebbing silence more like a threat, her hands falling to her hips. "why didn't you say anything?" 
"it's not a big deal. he came in, ordered, and then left." 
"and there were no words between the two of you?" she prods. "no wandering eyes? you just read his mind instead of taking his order?" 
you grit your teeth, rolling your eyes. "he asked for a mocha and i made it for him." 
"nothing else?" 
"he said it was nice to see me." 
she waves a hand at you. 
"and i said that i was working." you sigh, leaning against the counter. "that's all." 
"you're not freaking out?" your mom ducks her head so she can meet your eyes. her face is sullen, but her smile is genuine. 
it's like talking to a counselor. 
"why would i be freaking out? he had to come back sometime." 
she scoffs. the little necklace your dad gave her dangles from her neck, and you watch it. "i don't know," she says, using the same voice you do when she tells you not to take a tone with her. "maybe because you havent spoken to him in the last three years?" 
yeah, the same voice says, rough and patronizing, you haven't spoken to him in five years. why is that, again? 
but you snort at your mom, a defensive smile making its way to your lips as you look at her. "water under the bridge," you say, dismissing it. 
you don't want to talk about this with her. you don't want to talk about this with anyone. 
because the only person who might actually understand is the same person who left three years ago. who came back with no warning at all. 
"did may say when he got here?" you ask, voice escaping before you can stop it. 
"just a day or two ago, i think. why?" 
"is he here for the holidays?" 
"yes. she said he plans to stay until at least january. he's between jobs, i guess." 
"oh." you smack your lips and move away from her, back to the groceries, which is the reason you're here in the first place. you take out the milk jug, walking to the fridge, but a soft hand stops you. 
your mom is smiling when you turn towards her. "you don't have to talk about it," she's saying, her voice smooth and comforting. "i don't--i don't know what happened between the two of you. i just mentioned it because may said he was talking about you. it..." she drops off, wincing. 
"what?" 
"it might be good to talk to him. put the water under the bridge." 
you roll your eyes, nose twitching. you don't need to say anything, you won't. your mother is just another town gossip, and her opinion has no sway over you. 
even ask the words sink in. 
"now put the rest of those away," she says, ruffling your hair, "i know what happens when you take your 'breaks.'" 
you push her and put the milk in the fridge. 
*
you're mopping the floor when the bell rings, and a cold brush of air trails goosebumps up your skin. 
it's late enough in the season to no longer smell like the leaves falling onto the ground, or the grandesur pine needles showing off their lifespan. it's cold in the shop now, and you have three coats in the back. 
but the person who walks in is only wearing one. one you recognize from several years ago, with the holes in the sleeves from when he jumped over your fence and sprained his ankle. the stain on the front when may threw a plum soaked rag at him and you'd laughed so hard that you'd fallen to your knees on the floor and couldn't breathe. 
peter's face is wain. his eyes are cautious as they meet yours. 
you're not used to anyone coming in at 5:55. everyone knows you close at six, and the few people who'd dared to come in and order a drink a minute before you flipped your sign have learned their lesson. 
but peter hasn't learned anything. 
"i know," he says, like tracking your mind. "you close at six. may told me." 
"okay." 
you're still holding the mop, sure that his footprints would leave mud all over your floors. 
"i don't want to buy anything. or--" he breathes out, hands wringing at his sides, probably from the cold. "i will. if you want me to. but that's not why i came. i wanted to see if you..." 
he does a sweep over you, and his words fall in the air, as if he's just realized something. 
you look down at the snowflake apron your mom bought last year. it's not that dirty. 
you look back up, brows furrowed, and peter's expression matches yours. "yes?" you prod, feeling that anger simmer in the core of your chest. but you've been rude enough to him. 
your mom's words ring out in your head. 
it might be good to talk to him. 
peter swallows, whatever emotion on his face fading. "i wanted to see if you would go to dinner with me. or take a walk. or--or i'll buy you groceries, since you left yours the other night. it doesn't matter. i just want to... talk to you." 
"you want to talk to me?" 
peter nods. "i can wait outside, while you finish." he waves a hand, like an explanation. "it doesn't have to be long. just five minutes?" 
you watch peter, his face a world of feeling that you can't recognize anymore. 
and maybe that hurts the most. not him being here, not the distance or the time you've let edge you apart, but the fact that it's changed things. peter has changed and you've just let that happen. he's got a life seperate from you and there's no one to blame. he'd reached out enough, initially. months of letting his calls go to voicemail and ignoring may when you saw her in the street. 
putting yourself back together in the misshaped way you are now. peter probably doesn't even recognize you--not like this.
maybe it's your fault. 
but you find yourself nodding anyway, ignoring the guilt seeping through the cracks of you. you nod, and peter's face changes. 
it's not the first time you've noticed his eyes, or watched relief ease into him, but it's just the same. 
"yes?" peter asks, his voice rough and dry. you look at that jacket again. 
"where's your coat?" 
"my..." peter looks down with you. "oh, my coat. all of the ones aunt may kept were too small, and i thought--" he scratches his neck. "well, i forgot how cold it gets." 
you nod, slowly. 
peter nods back. 
you stare at him a moment longer, and then break away from his unfamiliar gaze. 
"just give me five minutes. i just need to put this away, and grab my stuff, and..." you swallow. 
"okay. great. do you want to me wait outside, or should i?" he gestures around, looking as uncomfortable as you've ever seen him. 
"you can sit. just--don't get any dirt on the tablebases." 
"okay. thank you." 
you nod, one last time, and look away from him. 
your heart runs circles around peter as he sits at one of your tables, his long legs not fitting beneath it. it taunts you again and again as you try not to notice him breathing, try to ignore him completely. 
you dup the mop water, spilling it on your shoes. you wipe down the last counter, the syrup sticking to your hands like a scar. you walk around the shop trying to find something else to do so you can avoid this as long as possible. your feet are cold and your hands feel abnormally dry. maybe you need to go home and shower. maybe you shouldn't be doing this at all. 
you sit in the office for a moment, wishing you could watch peter without him knowing. scope him out before you hear what he has to say. 
and--
okay, maybe there's a part of you that's been waiting three years for this. 
that dream where he's there even though you don't want him; that moment when he apologizes and you forgive him automatically, because your heart has always been small and fragile around him; that fantasy where peter comes home and he's the same teenager you used to walk around town with at two in the morning, the same brown eyes laughing as you both slipped on ice and fell on top of eachother. 
you won't deny that you've thought about this before. what you might say to him if you got the chance. 
but as you grab your bag and hang your apron around the chair in the office, the words have gone some place else. what could you say to him to make any of this make sense? 
still, you clear your throat when you walk out, feet aching from standing all day. you blink at him as he struggles to get up, pushing your chair in, the legs scratching on the floor the only sound between the two of you. 
163 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Note
PETER PARKER ANGST????❤️🫡🛬🤭😍🗣🙀🫡😀🫡🫶😀😟🫶😟❤️ (if you dont write it ill sob violently on the floor ☹️)
we could call it even
tasm!peter x fem!reader
summary:
"peter parker," she says, "you're like a legend around here."
warnings: unspecified angst, series, no fluff, no explanation
a/n: might i introduce a playlist entitled stupid boy which i listened to while writing this (and the other parts????)
Tumblr media
*
there's a specific time of night that is appropriate to go to the market. 
or inappropriate, depending on how old you are. 
if you're in your sixties and sometimes feel like your joints are just notches that need to be oiled, midnight probably isn't your designed time for grocery shopping. seven in the morning is typically the best time for swollen lungs and--literal--broken hearts. 
but if you're you, exhausted from running around all day, unpleasant from all of the people you've talked to, and trying to avoid anyone (everyone) you might know--and secrets you don't feel like sharing--then midnight is a perfect time. and perfectly normal, thank you very much.
you're not even sure why meyer's is open this late. there's no way the owner, jerry, is staying up until midnight to check out the lowlifes or drunk teenagers stopping by, and you know that these aren't prime business hours--evident by the crickets you can hear behind the 'fresh produce' section. maybe he forgets that it's open, and that susan--the only person willing to work here--is still on the clock. or maybe he's just taking pity on you. you don’t think he’s ever there, but maybe he hides around corners, noting the new lines on your face so he can report it back to every person in town. gossip is like a disease, and you’re never alone in a place like this. never quite at peace. 
you look around the next shelf for jerry, or a gust of wind that follows him running away. there’s only silence. the echoes of your footsteps. 
it doesn't matter why meyer’s is open. you're thankful for this time alone. or at least by yourself.
it's a welcome change to have no one judge you for your selection of deli cheese and baked goods. or the three containers of instant coffee you've hidden underneath it all. just out of habit. 
tuesday nights are yours, and the market is your chosen domain. 
usually, that is. usually, you're all alone. usually, you can run around on the carts and pick up anything you accidentally knock over. you can spill an entire bottle of wine on the floor and no one will blink an eye. jerry wouldn’t even be able to hear it from three feet away.
but tonight--on this tuesday when your feet hurt a little bit more than necessary, and your eyes are twitching at all of the lights--apparently you're not alone. 
which you wished you would have realized before you started humming 'single ladies' a bit too loudly. 
you wished you would have skipped shopping at all, really, as soon as you see his face. 
his wide eyes--surprised and silvered by age, much like yours--and his open mouth.
in a different world, you would be shocked--shocked instead of scared--and you might run to him. you might ask him why he didn't tell you he was coming? what is he doing here? in a different world, you two would be the only people in the market and it would be fine. 
it might even be great. 
this subtle shift in autonomy wouldn’t hurt the peace you’re looking for on this tuesday night.
there wouldn't be this obvious horror story standing between the two of you, this looming presence. the history of a thousand lies, bruise after bruise, and scars so red that they could burn through the ground. glass shattered around your feet.
the lights might as well start flickering. you should probably call out "hello?" even though he's right in front of you, and if he was going to murder you, he probably wouldn't answer. a door should creak. 
you should probably go. 
you should probably run away before he can take a step closer. you don't look a threat in the eye and smile at it. you don't feed a stray cat. 
it always comes back. 
why is he here? 
you take a step away. as soon as you notice him--behind, between, all over you--silence ensues. you might as well be at a loss for words. you don't have much to say to him. 
not to that look in his eyes, or his receding hairline, or that peak on his mouth. 
because peter would be here. at this time. and he would be trying to hide a smile, a smirk, when he's not even supposed to be within a five-hundred-foot vicinity of you. 
actually, maybe you forgot to mail that restraining order. 
but the words come out anyway because your body has always betrayed you when it comes to him. 
"peter?" you blurt out, and just saying the word stirs the simmering feeling inside of you. just saying his name is enough of a warning. 
"hey," he whispers and takes a step closer. you step back. he leans away like he knows his proximity is toxic. "sorry, i didn't mean to scare you." 
i didn't mean to. 
and yet. 
you breathe and forget how to blink. he might disappear. "peter," you repeat, as a form of masochism. you don't breathe at all. 
"sorry," he says, again. he doesn't say what for. there could be a million things. 
"um," you choke out, looking around--away from him and his manipulative eyes. "what?" you laugh to yourself, hand running over your face. you roll your eyes back into your head and laugh again. you shake your head. 
you look at peter, at his furrowed brow and inward stance, and you snort. look away from him before it's too late. 
you're laughing like something is funny. it's not. 
it's really not. 
"are you..." peter is swallowing. you'd like to pretend that his voice is hollow and cold, much like that cave inside your chest, but it's not. you recognize that concern, that softness in his voice that used to be just yours. "are you okay?" 
you almost giggle at him. it comes out as more of a cough. 
you wonder if you look like a ghost. some remanent of who you used to be--the person that only peter used to know.
"peter," you sigh, and step away from your cart. into the shelf you've been backing yourself into. 
you step away from him, still shaking your head. 
"i've got to--" you trip as you turn around and say to mostly yourself, "i've got to go." 
groceries, and peter, be damned, you think, as you walk out of the building and prepare yourself to never ever come back. 
it wouldn't be the first time. 
*
you are having your daily debate with mrs. brooke about the amount of calories in each pastry, in which you tell her that you only measure the amount of pleasure someone might get out of each one—which earns you a lovely sneer—and that she should try the blueberry scone. 
she always rolls her eyes at you, says something about watching her weight even though she’s looked the same since you were five years old and sneaking through her yard to catch the neighborhood cat. and then she leaves with a breakfast sandwich. 
it’s actually one of the most enjoyable parts of your day. 
here’s the thing about knowing every single person that comes into the shop: you know exactly what they’re going to order, and you know what type of conversation you’re going to have with them. 
mrs. brooke always stresses about her breakfast, her smile a tense sort of pleasant, but by the time she leaves her head is held a little higher. if she chooses the sandwich instead of the scone, then she’s started her day off right. you used to feel exasperated by her indecisive nature, but now you find it kind of adorable. 
mr. meyer—jerry—just comes in so he can complain about the surplus of options on your menu. he wants a black coffee, and he wants to complain. you always smile at him and ask if he’s sure he doesn’t want to try the raspberry green tea. he finds this less than humorous. 
every kid wants some kind of hot chocolate—which you actually have an excessive amount of—and no matter what their parents say, you sneak some extra marshmallows in. and everyone pretends otherwise. 
susan—your kindergarten teacher, now friend—asks if you’ve met anyone special lately. it doesn’t matter that the selection of single people your age is always the same. there’s got to be someone special, she says to you and leaves with a cider she tells everyone is a latte. 
there are the people who want their lattes and mochas, those who want some alternative milk that they complain about—even though you’ve tried every brand on earth—there are the people who don’t ever buy anything, and just come in to pretend they want something and talk to you. they gossip about the other people in town as if you aren’t well aware of everything that goes on.
you roll your eyes, but you appreciate the company. things get pretty boring when you can guess everyone’s schedule. 
but you like your tiny tea shop. you like the consistency. you enjoy the smiles you throw out, and the complaints you receive. it’s a routine, and nothing goes wrong. you're in control of this one thing, and that's just how you like it. 
in control, that is, of course, until you see him when mrs. brooke is walking away. 
“oh!” she says, pausing, her drink shaking in hand, her pink fingernails a smudge against the shadow suddenly coming from right in front of you. she is just a foot too close to him. “is that peter parker?” she asks, saying his voice like an omen, turning around so she can set her cup and bag down, and then hugging him so hard you can see her muscles working beneath her sleeve. 
“hey, mrs. brooke,” peter wheezes out, a strangled smile on his aged face. his same eyes.
he is just as surprised as you at her sudden outburst, the cooing noises she's making as she attempts to crumble him.
“look how handsome you’ve gotten! and so strong. what are those new yorkers doing with you?” 
“definitely not trying to squeeze me to death.” 
mrs. brooke laughs, somewhat vindictively, and she turns back around to look at you, with wide eyes. “did you know he was in town, dear? why didn’t you say anything? i almost had a heart attack.” 
peter clears his throat before you can throw any type of face on. any mask. “it’s a surprise,” he mock whispers, and his eyes dash to yours, then away, just as quick. “don’t tell anyone.” 
“it’s not like they’d believe me anyway,” she scoffs, “you’re a legend around here.” 
“i’m honored.” 
she laughs again, then grabs her cup. “oh,” she whispers, too loud. her eyes are tight, as if she’s intruded. “of course. i’ll leave and let you two talk.” 
and within a blink of an eye, she is running out of the shop, faster than you’ve ever seen anyone escape from here. 
and peter is there, standing in front of you. his face is smooth, calm, his eyes roaming over your face like he still has the privilege of knowing any of it. 
and your heart might be racing, if it was still there. 
"hi," he whispers. it is quiet enough for you to feel it in your chest. his voice and the memory of it. 
does he sound different? has he really changed that much in the last two years? is his face a bit worn? are his eyes a different color? 
but it doesn’t matter what rattles through your head—when you look at peter, you just see him. your peter. 
except that he’s completely different. 
you clear your throat, looking away and pushing off of the counter. “what can i get you?” 
peter blinks. “oh, um…” he looks at the menu above your head, back to you. “what—“ he swallows. “what would you recommend?” 
“it’s all good.” your voice is clipped. you should’ve said pure brewed black tea, no ice, no sweetener, no cup. just to get him out of here. you should've recommended the starbucks three towns over.
he swallows, again. a hand rakes through his hair. “i… just a sec.” 
there is a single second where you grant him the patience you would give every other customer—smile politely and let them know to ask if they have any questions. a single second where you treat him like anybody else. 
and then you say: “do you want a mocha, peter?” with an anger that shouldn’t—can’t—be contained inside of you. 
you wince at his name. the singe of his brand on you, going down your throat. 
peter seems to watch this on your face, because he’s even quieter when he answers, “sure, that’d be great.” 
so you grab a cup, writing his name on it, and move to grab the milk. 
you turn around and pretend like you’ve just forgotten he’s there. 
peter doesn’t take this hint. 
“so…” he says, his feet are loud as they tap on the ground. “you still work here, huh?” 
you barely grunt a response, spilling chocolate in the cup recklessly. if peter dies of a clogged artery it won’t be your fault. 
“that’s nice. felix always loved you. and you loved working here, back in highschool.” you have to face him as you steam the milk, and you try not to pointedly stare. not to roll your eyes or hiss at him. “it’s different though. the decor, i mean. but nice. i like it. did you do it?” 
“yes.” 
you grab his cup, pouring the milk and shoving the cap on it. “here,” your fingertips burn as you pass it to him, and you don’t think it’s because of the drink. 
“thank you.” 
you both stand there; peter blinks and doesn’t leave. 
he coughs. “i didn’t pay.”
“mrs. brooke would kill me if i made you pay for your first drink back home.” 
“well, she knows where you live,” his lip twitches, but he doesn’t laugh. 
and neither do you. 
“is it just you here?” he asks. “no felix?” 
“he sold me the shop a year ago.” 
his eyes widen. “oh. oh! that’s great. congrats.” 
“thank you.” 
you don’t move your eyes from his face, because it’s suddenly not fair that he’s here. that he’s allowed to intrude like this. 
“it’s good to see you,” peter relents, a fake smile playing on his lips. 
you falter. your heart turns in your chest, just so it doesn’t have to look at him anymore. “i’m working, okay?” you say, whispering. “i can't do this right now.” 
“right. yeah.” peter trips on a step back. his eyes are scanning your face again. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t—“ he blows out a breath. “i’m sorry.” 
you nod. watch the ground as he stumbles over it. 
“i mean it though,” he adds, like he hadn’t thought about it. “it’s good to see you.” 
and then peter swallows. you blink at him. 
when he turns around the bell rings as he pushes it. and peter doesn’t look back. 
he’s right about one thing, at least. it is nostalgic. 
*
"when were you going to tell me?" your mom asks, leaning against her kitchen counter--the same one you scribbled on as a kid, smiley faces still apparent. she's doing that fake smile thing. the one that makes you want to storm off and slam the door like some mistreated teenager. 
you don't, but both of you know that you think about it. for at least five seconds
"tell you what?" you ask, instead, setting the groceries you brought for her on the counter. 
"about peter." 
your eyes close. he would follow you around, wherever you go. he's probably hiding in some vent, smiling maliciously. 
there's that teasing voice in your head saying small town, small small town, but you just turn around, ignoring it, and her, and raise a brow. "peter parker?" you repeat, rhetorically. "twenty-four, new york. brown hair, brown eyes. lived here his whole life, has an aunt who lives next door, tried to steal our cat when he was nine..." you drawl off, making a point to smile. "ringing any bells?" 
she throws a dish towel at you. "you know thats not what i meant." 
"do i?" 
you wipe the counter with the towel, then fold it nicely on the counter, all the while avoiding your mother's eyes. 
but you know she won't leave it alone. the same way she hasnt left you alone once in the past four years, like she can dig your feelings up from whatever grave you buried them in.
there's a part of you that wants to crawl over to her and ask her to make you some hot chocolate, to watch some childrens movie on the couch with you. you want to be the little kid who would've depended on that knowing glance she's still giving you. the little kid who idolized her and wasn't afraid to admit the truth--even if you did steal that chocolate bar from under her sink.
but you're grown, and this doesn't matter. not in the long run, anyway. 
you look up, expectant eyes. she has your same eyes, and meets them.
"linda told nancy, who told jerry, who told me over the phone..." she shakes her head. "but may was here earlier." 
"yeah? how is she?" 
"good, busy, i'm guessing, because you know how she dotes over him." 
"yeah..." 
you fold the towel again, running your fingertips over the embrodered flowers. 
"have you seen him?" 
you swallow, and nod absentmindedly. you're not going to tell her about the grocery store. "yeah, he came into the shop yesterday." 
she taps your hand, and you let go of the rag. she hangs it back over the oven, the ebbing silence more like a threat, her hands falling to her hips. "why didn't you say anything?" 
"it's not a big deal. he came in, ordered, and then left." 
"and there were no words between the two of you?" she prods. "no wandering eyes? you just read his mind instead of taking his order?" 
you grit your teeth, rolling your eyes. "he asked for a mocha and i made it for him." 
"nothing else?" 
"he said it was nice to see me." 
she waves a hand at you. 
"and i said that i was working." you sigh, leaning against the counter. "that's all." 
"you're not freaking out?" your mom ducks her head so she can meet your eyes. her face is sullen, but her smile is genuine. 
it's like talking to a counselor. 
"why would i be freaking out? he had to come back sometime." 
she scoffs. the little necklace your dad gave her dangles from her neck, and you watch it. "i don't know," she says, using the same voice you do when she tells you not to take a tone with her. "maybe because you havent spoken to him in the last three years?" 
yeah, the same voice says, rough and patronizing, you haven't spoken to him in five years. why is that, again? 
but you snort at your mom, a defensive smile making its way to your lips as you look at her. "water under the bridge," you say, dismissing it. 
you don't want to talk about this with her. you don't want to talk about this with anyone. 
because the only person who might actually understand is the same person who left three years ago. who came back with no warning at all. 
"did may say when he got here?" you ask, voice escaping before you can stop it. 
"just a day or two ago, i think. why?" 
"is he here for the holidays?" 
"yes. she said he plans to stay until at least january. he's between jobs, i guess." 
"oh." you smack your lips and move away from her, back to the groceries, which is the reason you're here in the first place. you take out the milk jug, walking to the fridge, but a soft hand stops you. 
your mom is smiling when you turn towards her. "you don't have to talk about it," she's saying, her voice smooth and comforting. "i don't--i don't know what happened between the two of you. i just mentioned it because may said he was talking about you. it..." she drops off, wincing. 
"what?" 
"it might be good to talk to him. put the water under the bridge." 
you roll your eyes, nose twitching. you don't need to say anything, you won't. your mother is just another town gossip, and her opinion has no sway over you. 
even ask the words sink in. 
"now put the rest of those away," she says, ruffling your hair, "i know what happens when you take your 'breaks.'" 
you push her and put the milk in the fridge. 
*
you're mopping the floor when the bell rings, and a cold brush of air trails goosebumps up your skin. 
it's late enough in the season to no longer smell like the leaves falling onto the ground, or the grandesur pine needles showing off their lifespan. it's cold in the shop now, and you have three coats in the back. 
but the person who walks in is only wearing one. one you recognize from several years ago, with the holes in the sleeves from when he jumped over your fence and sprained his ankle. the stain on the front when may threw a plum soaked rag at him and you'd laughed so hard that you'd fallen to your knees on the floor and couldn't breathe. 
peter's face is wain. his eyes are cautious as they meet yours. 
you're not used to anyone coming in at 5:55. everyone knows you close at six, and the few people who'd dared to come in and order a drink a minute before you flipped your sign have learned their lesson. 
but peter hasn't learned anything. 
"i know," he says, like tracking your mind. "you close at six. may told me." 
"okay." 
you're still holding the mop, sure that his footprints would leave mud all over your floors. 
"i don't want to buy anything. or--" he breathes out, hands wringing at his sides, probably from the cold. "i will. if you want me to. but that's not why i came. i wanted to see if you..." 
he does a sweep over you, and his words fall in the air, as if he's just realized something. 
you look down at the snowflake apron your mom bought last year. it's not that dirty. 
you look back up, brows furrowed, and peter's expression matches yours. "yes?" you prod, feeling that anger simmer in the core of your chest. but you've been rude enough to him. 
your mom's words ring out in your head. 
it might be good to talk to him. 
peter swallows, whatever emotion on his face fading. "i wanted to see if you would go to dinner with me. or take a walk. or--or i'll buy you groceries, since you left yours the other night. it doesn't matter. i just want to... talk to you." 
"you want to talk to me?" 
peter nods. "i can wait outside, while you finish." he waves a hand, like an explanation. "it doesn't have to be long. just five minutes?" 
you watch peter, his face a world of feeling that you can't recognize anymore. 
and maybe that hurts the most. not him being here, not the distance or the time you've let edge you apart, but the fact that it's changed things. peter has changed and you've just let that happen. he's got a life seperate from you and there's no one to blame. he'd reached out enough, initially. months of letting his calls go to voicemail and ignoring may when you saw her in the street. 
putting yourself back together in the misshaped way you are now. peter probably doesn't even recognize you--not like this.
maybe it's your fault. 
but you find yourself nodding anyway, ignoring the guilt seeping through the cracks of you. you nod, and peter's face changes. 
it's not the first time you've noticed his eyes, or watched relief ease into him, but it's just the same. 
"yes?" peter asks, his voice rough and dry. you look at that jacket again. 
"where's your coat?" 
"my..." peter looks down with you. "oh, my coat. all of the ones aunt may kept were too small, and i thought--" he scratches his neck. "well, i forgot how cold it gets." 
you nod, slowly. 
peter nods back. 
you stare at him a moment longer, and then break away from his unfamiliar gaze. 
"just give me five minutes. i just need to put this away, and grab my stuff, and..." you swallow. 
"okay. great. do you want to me wait outside, or should i?" he gestures around, looking as uncomfortable as you've ever seen him. 
"you can sit. just--don't get any dirt on the tablebases." 
"okay. thank you." 
you nod, one last time, and look away from him. 
your heart runs circles around peter as he sits at one of your tables, his long legs not fitting beneath it. it taunts you again and again as you try not to notice him breathing, try to ignore him completely. 
you dup the mop water, spilling it on your shoes. you wipe down the last counter, the syrup sticking to your hands like a scar. you walk around the shop trying to find something else to do so you can avoid this as long as possible. your feet are cold and your hands feel abnormally dry. maybe you need to go home and shower. maybe you shouldn't be doing this at all. 
you sit in the office for a moment, wishing you could watch peter without him knowing. scope him out before you hear what he has to say. 
and--
okay, maybe there's a part of you that's been waiting three years for this. 
that dream where he's there even though you don't want him; that moment when he apologizes and you forgive him automatically, because your heart has always been small and fragile around him; that fantasy where peter comes home and he's the same teenager you used to walk around town with at two in the morning, the same brown eyes laughing as you both slipped on ice and fell on top of eachother. 
you won't deny that you've thought about this before. what you might say to him if you got the chance. 
but as you grab your bag and hang your apron around the chair in the office, the words have gone some place else. what could you say to him to make any of this make sense? 
still, you clear your throat when you walk out, feet aching from standing all day. you blink at him as he struggles to get up, pushing your chair in, the legs scratching on the floor the only sound between the two of you. 
163 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Note
PETER PARKER ANGST????❤️🫡🛬🤭😍🗣🙀🫡😀🫡🫶😀😟🫶😟❤️ (if you dont write it ill sob violently on the floor ☹️)
we could call it even
tasm!peter x fem!reader
summary:
"peter parker," she says, "you're like a legend around here."
warnings: unspecified angst, series, no fluff, no explanation
a/n: might i introduce a playlist entitled stupid boy which i listened to while writing this (and the other parts????)
Tumblr media
*
there's a specific time of night that is appropriate to go to the market. 
or inappropriate, depending on how old you are. 
if you're in your sixties and sometimes feel like your joints are just notches that need to be oiled, midnight probably isn't your designed time for grocery shopping. seven in the morning is typically the best time for swollen lungs and--literal--broken hearts. 
but if you're you, exhausted from running around all day, unpleasant from all of the people you've talked to, and trying to avoid anyone (everyone) you might know--and secrets you don't feel like sharing--then midnight is a perfect time. and perfectly normal, thank you very much.
you're not even sure why meyer's is open this late. there's no way the owner, jerry, is staying up until midnight to check out the lowlifes or drunk teenagers stopping by, and you know that these aren't prime business hours--evident by the crickets you can hear behind the 'fresh produce' section. maybe he forgets that it's open, and that susan--the only person willing to work here--is still on the clock. or maybe he's just taking pity on you. you don’t think he’s ever there, but maybe he hides around corners, noting the new lines on your face so he can report it back to every person in town. gossip is like a disease, and you’re never alone in a place like this. never quite at peace. 
you look around the next shelf for jerry, or a gust of wind that follows him running away. there’s only silence. the echoes of your footsteps. 
it doesn't matter why meyer’s is open. you're thankful for this time alone. or at least by yourself.
it's a welcome change to have no one judge you for your selection of deli cheese and baked goods. or the three containers of instant coffee you've hidden underneath it all. just out of habit. 
tuesday nights are yours, and the market is your chosen domain. 
usually, that is. usually, you're all alone. usually, you can run around on the carts and pick up anything you accidentally knock over. you can spill an entire bottle of wine on the floor and no one will blink an eye. jerry wouldn’t even be able to hear it from three feet away.
but tonight--on this tuesday when your feet hurt a little bit more than necessary, and your eyes are twitching at all of the lights--apparently you're not alone. 
which you wished you would have realized before you started humming 'single ladies' a bit too loudly. 
you wished you would have skipped shopping at all, really, as soon as you see his face. 
his wide eyes--surprised and silvered by age, much like yours--and his open mouth.
in a different world, you would be shocked--shocked instead of scared--and you might run to him. you might ask him why he didn't tell you he was coming? what is he doing here? in a different world, you two would be the only people in the market and it would be fine. 
it might even be great. 
this subtle shift in autonomy wouldn’t hurt the peace you’re looking for on this tuesday night.
there wouldn't be this obvious horror story standing between the two of you, this looming presence. the history of a thousand lies, bruise after bruise, and scars so red that they could burn through the ground. glass shattered around your feet.
the lights might as well start flickering. you should probably call out "hello?" even though he's right in front of you, and if he was going to murder you, he probably wouldn't answer. a door should creak. 
you should probably go. 
you should probably run away before he can take a step closer. you don't look a threat in the eye and smile at it. you don't feed a stray cat. 
it always comes back. 
why is he here? 
you take a step away. as soon as you notice him--behind, between, all over you--silence ensues. you might as well be at a loss for words. you don't have much to say to him. 
not to that look in his eyes, or his receding hairline, or that peak on his mouth. 
because peter would be here. at this time. and he would be trying to hide a smile, a smirk, when he's not even supposed to be within a five-hundred-foot vicinity of you. 
actually, maybe you forgot to mail that restraining order. 
but the words come out anyway because your body has always betrayed you when it comes to him. 
"peter?" you blurt out, and just saying the word stirs the simmering feeling inside of you. just saying his name is enough of a warning. 
"hey," he whispers and takes a step closer. you step back. he leans away like he knows his proximity is toxic. "sorry, i didn't mean to scare you." 
i didn't mean to. 
and yet. 
you breathe and forget how to blink. he might disappear. "peter," you repeat, as a form of masochism. you don't breathe at all. 
"sorry," he says, again. he doesn't say what for. there could be a million things. 
"um," you choke out, looking around--away from him and his manipulative eyes. "what?" you laugh to yourself, hand running over your face. you roll your eyes back into your head and laugh again. you shake your head. 
you look at peter, at his furrowed brow and inward stance, and you snort. look away from him before it's too late. 
you're laughing like something is funny. it's not. 
it's really not. 
"are you..." peter is swallowing. you'd like to pretend that his voice is hollow and cold, much like that cave inside your chest, but it's not. you recognize that concern, that softness in his voice that used to be just yours. "are you okay?" 
you almost giggle at him. it comes out as more of a cough. 
you wonder if you look like a ghost. some remanent of who you used to be--the person that only peter used to know.
"peter," you sigh, and step away from your cart. into the shelf you've been backing yourself into. 
you step away from him, still shaking your head. 
"i've got to--" you trip as you turn around and say to mostly yourself, "i've got to go." 
groceries, and peter, be damned, you think, as you walk out of the building and prepare yourself to never ever come back. 
it wouldn't be the first time. 
*
you are having your daily debate with mrs. brooke about the amount of calories in each pastry, in which you tell her that you only measure the amount of pleasure someone might get out of each one—which earns you a lovely sneer—and that she should try the blueberry scone. 
she always rolls her eyes at you, says something about watching her weight even though she’s looked the same since you were five years old and sneaking through her yard to catch the neighborhood cat. and then she leaves with a breakfast sandwich. 
it’s actually one of the most enjoyable parts of your day. 
here’s the thing about knowing every single person that comes into the shop: you know exactly what they’re going to order, and you know what type of conversation you’re going to have with them. 
mrs. brooke always stresses about her breakfast, her smile a tense sort of pleasant, but by the time she leaves her head is held a little higher. if she chooses the sandwich instead of the scone, then she’s started her day off right. you used to feel exasperated by her indecisive nature, but now you find it kind of adorable. 
mr. meyer—jerry—just comes in so he can complain about the surplus of options on your menu. he wants a black coffee, and he wants to complain. you always smile at him and ask if he’s sure he doesn’t want to try the raspberry green tea. he finds this less than humorous. 
every kid wants some kind of hot chocolate—which you actually have an excessive amount of—and no matter what their parents say, you sneak some extra marshmallows in. and everyone pretends otherwise. 
susan—your kindergarten teacher, now friend—asks if you’ve met anyone special lately. it doesn’t matter that the selection of single people your age is always the same. there’s got to be someone special, she says to you and leaves with a cider she tells everyone is a latte. 
there are the people who want their lattes and mochas, those who want some alternative milk that they complain about—even though you’ve tried every brand on earth—there are the people who don’t ever buy anything, and just come in to pretend they want something and talk to you. they gossip about the other people in town as if you aren’t well aware of everything that goes on.
you roll your eyes, but you appreciate the company. things get pretty boring when you can guess everyone’s schedule. 
but you like your tiny tea shop. you like the consistency. you enjoy the smiles you throw out, and the complaints you receive. it’s a routine, and nothing goes wrong. you're in control of this one thing, and that's just how you like it. 
in control, that is, of course, until you see him when mrs. brooke is walking away. 
“oh!” she says, pausing, her drink shaking in hand, her pink fingernails a smudge against the shadow suddenly coming from right in front of you. she is just a foot too close to him. “is that peter parker?” she asks, saying his voice like an omen, turning around so she can set her cup and bag down, and then hugging him so hard you can see her muscles working beneath her sleeve. 
“hey, mrs. brooke,” peter wheezes out, a strangled smile on his aged face. his same eyes.
he is just as surprised as you at her sudden outburst, the cooing noises she's making as she attempts to crumble him.
“look how handsome you’ve gotten! and so strong. what are those new yorkers doing with you?” 
“definitely not trying to squeeze me to death.” 
mrs. brooke laughs, somewhat vindictively, and she turns back around to look at you, with wide eyes. “did you know he was in town, dear? why didn’t you say anything? i almost had a heart attack.” 
peter clears his throat before you can throw any type of face on. any mask. “it’s a surprise,” he mock whispers, and his eyes dash to yours, then away, just as quick. “don’t tell anyone.” 
“it’s not like they’d believe me anyway,” she scoffs, “you’re a legend around here.” 
“i’m honored.” 
she laughs again, then grabs her cup. “oh,” she whispers, too loud. her eyes are tight, as if she’s intruded. “of course. i’ll leave and let you two talk.” 
and within a blink of an eye, she is running out of the shop, faster than you’ve ever seen anyone escape from here. 
and peter is there, standing in front of you. his face is smooth, calm, his eyes roaming over your face like he still has the privilege of knowing any of it. 
and your heart might be racing, if it was still there. 
"hi," he whispers. it is quiet enough for you to feel it in your chest. his voice and the memory of it. 
does he sound different? has he really changed that much in the last two years? is his face a bit worn? are his eyes a different color? 
but it doesn’t matter what rattles through your head—when you look at peter, you just see him. your peter. 
except that he’s completely different. 
you clear your throat, looking away and pushing off of the counter. “what can i get you?” 
peter blinks. “oh, um…” he looks at the menu above your head, back to you. “what—“ he swallows. “what would you recommend?” 
“it’s all good.” your voice is clipped. you should’ve said pure brewed black tea, no ice, no sweetener, no cup. just to get him out of here. you should've recommended the starbucks three towns over.
he swallows, again. a hand rakes through his hair. ��i… just a sec.” 
there is a single second where you grant him the patience you would give every other customer—smile politely and let them know to ask if they have any questions. a single second where you treat him like anybody else. 
and then you say: “do you want a mocha, peter?” with an anger that shouldn’t—can’t—be contained inside of you. 
you wince at his name. the singe of his brand on you, going down your throat. 
peter seems to watch this on your face, because he’s even quieter when he answers, “sure, that’d be great.” 
so you grab a cup, writing his name on it, and move to grab the milk. 
you turn around and pretend like you’ve just forgotten he’s there. 
peter doesn’t take this hint. 
“so…” he says, his feet are loud as they tap on the ground. “you still work here, huh?” 
you barely grunt a response, spilling chocolate in the cup recklessly. if peter dies of a clogged artery it won’t be your fault. 
“that’s nice. felix always loved you. and you loved working here, back in highschool.” you have to face him as you steam the milk, and you try not to pointedly stare. not to roll your eyes or hiss at him. “it’s different though. the decor, i mean. but nice. i like it. did you do it?” 
“yes.” 
you grab his cup, pouring the milk and shoving the cap on it. “here,” your fingertips burn as you pass it to him, and you don’t think it’s because of the drink. 
“thank you.” 
you both stand there; peter blinks and doesn’t leave. 
he coughs. “i didn’t pay.”
“mrs. brooke would kill me if i made you pay for your first drink back home.” 
“well, she knows where you live,” his lip twitches, but he doesn’t laugh. 
and neither do you. 
“is it just you here?” he asks. “no felix?” 
“he sold me the shop a year ago.” 
his eyes widen. “oh. oh! that’s great. congrats.” 
“thank you.” 
you don’t move your eyes from his face, because it’s suddenly not fair that he’s here. that he’s allowed to intrude like this. 
“it’s good to see you,” peter relents, a fake smile playing on his lips. 
you falter. your heart turns in your chest, just so it doesn’t have to look at him anymore. “i’m working, okay?” you say, whispering. “i can't do this right now.” 
“right. yeah.” peter trips on a step back. his eyes are scanning your face again. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t—“ he blows out a breath. “i’m sorry.” 
you nod. watch the ground as he stumbles over it. 
“i mean it though,” he adds, like he hadn’t thought about it. “it’s good to see you.” 
and then peter swallows. you blink at him. 
when he turns around the bell rings as he pushes it. and peter doesn’t look back. 
he’s right about one thing, at least. it is nostalgic. 
*
"when were you going to tell me?" your mom asks, leaning against her kitchen counter--the same one you scribbled on as a kid, smiley faces still apparent. she's doing that fake smile thing. the one that makes you want to storm off and slam the door like some mistreated teenager. 
you don't, but both of you know that you think about it. for at least five seconds
"tell you what?" you ask, instead, setting the groceries you brought for her on the counter. 
"about peter." 
your eyes close. he would follow you around, wherever you go. he's probably hiding in some vent, smiling maliciously. 
there's that teasing voice in your head saying small town, small small town, but you just turn around, ignoring it, and her, and raise a brow. "peter parker?" you repeat, rhetorically. "twenty-four, new york. brown hair, brown eyes. lived here his whole life, has an aunt who lives next door, tried to steal our cat when he was nine..." you drawl off, making a point to smile. "ringing any bells?" 
she throws a dish towel at you. "you know thats not what i meant." 
"do i?" 
you wipe the counter with the towel, then fold it nicely on the counter, all the while avoiding your mother's eyes. 
but you know she won't leave it alone. the same way she hasnt left you alone once in the past four years, like she can dig your feelings up from whatever grave you buried them in.
there's a part of you that wants to crawl over to her and ask her to make you some hot chocolate, to watch some childrens movie on the couch with you. you want to be the little kid who would've depended on that knowing glance she's still giving you. the little kid who idolized her and wasn't afraid to admit the truth--even if you did steal that chocolate bar from under her sink.
but you're grown, and this doesn't matter. not in the long run, anyway. 
you look up, expectant eyes. she has your same eyes, and meets them.
"linda told nancy, who told jerry, who told me over the phone..." she shakes her head. "but may was here earlier." 
"yeah? how is she?" 
"good, busy, i'm guessing, because you know how she dotes over him." 
"yeah..." 
you fold the towel again, running your fingertips over the embrodered flowers. 
"have you seen him?" 
you swallow, and nod absentmindedly. you're not going to tell her about the grocery store. "yeah, he came into the shop yesterday." 
she taps your hand, and you let go of the rag. she hangs it back over the oven, the ebbing silence more like a threat, her hands falling to her hips. "why didn't you say anything?" 
"it's not a big deal. he came in, ordered, and then left." 
"and there were no words between the two of you?" she prods. "no wandering eyes? you just read his mind instead of taking his order?" 
you grit your teeth, rolling your eyes. "he asked for a mocha and i made it for him." 
"nothing else?" 
"he said it was nice to see me." 
she waves a hand at you. 
"and i said that i was working." you sigh, leaning against the counter. "that's all." 
"you're not freaking out?" your mom ducks her head so she can meet your eyes. her face is sullen, but her smile is genuine. 
it's like talking to a counselor. 
"why would i be freaking out? he had to come back sometime." 
she scoffs. the little necklace your dad gave her dangles from her neck, and you watch it. "i don't know," she says, using the same voice you do when she tells you not to take a tone with her. "maybe because you havent spoken to him in the last three years?" 
yeah, the same voice says, rough and patronizing, you haven't spoken to him in five years. why is that, again? 
but you snort at your mom, a defensive smile making its way to your lips as you look at her. "water under the bridge," you say, dismissing it. 
you don't want to talk about this with her. you don't want to talk about this with anyone. 
because the only person who might actually understand is the same person who left three years ago. who came back with no warning at all. 
"did may say when he got here?" you ask, voice escaping before you can stop it. 
"just a day or two ago, i think. why?" 
"is he here for the holidays?" 
"yes. she said he plans to stay until at least january. he's between jobs, i guess." 
"oh." you smack your lips and move away from her, back to the groceries, which is the reason you're here in the first place. you take out the milk jug, walking to the fridge, but a soft hand stops you. 
your mom is smiling when you turn towards her. "you don't have to talk about it," she's saying, her voice smooth and comforting. "i don't--i don't know what happened between the two of you. i just mentioned it because may said he was talking about you. it..." she drops off, wincing. 
"what?" 
"it might be good to talk to him. put the water under the bridge." 
you roll your eyes, nose twitching. you don't need to say anything, you won't. your mother is just another town gossip, and her opinion has no sway over you. 
even ask the words sink in. 
"now put the rest of those away," she says, ruffling your hair, "i know what happens when you take your 'breaks.'" 
you push her and put the milk in the fridge. 
*
you're mopping the floor when the bell rings, and a cold brush of air trails goosebumps up your skin. 
it's late enough in the season to no longer smell like the leaves falling onto the ground, or the grandesur pine needles showing off their lifespan. it's cold in the shop now, and you have three coats in the back. 
but the person who walks in is only wearing one. one you recognize from several years ago, with the holes in the sleeves from when he jumped over your fence and sprained his ankle. the stain on the front when may threw a plum soaked rag at him and you'd laughed so hard that you'd fallen to your knees on the floor and couldn't breathe. 
peter's face is wain. his eyes are cautious as they meet yours. 
you're not used to anyone coming in at 5:55. everyone knows you close at six, and the few people who'd dared to come in and order a drink a minute before you flipped your sign have learned their lesson. 
but peter hasn't learned anything. 
"i know," he says, like tracking your mind. "you close at six. may told me." 
"okay." 
you're still holding the mop, sure that his footprints would leave mud all over your floors. 
"i don't want to buy anything. or--" he breathes out, hands wringing at his sides, probably from the cold. "i will. if you want me to. but that's not why i came. i wanted to see if you..." 
he does a sweep over you, and his words fall in the air, as if he's just realized something. 
you look down at the snowflake apron your mom bought last year. it's not that dirty. 
you look back up, brows furrowed, and peter's expression matches yours. "yes?" you prod, feeling that anger simmer in the core of your chest. but you've been rude enough to him. 
your mom's words ring out in your head. 
it might be good to talk to him. 
peter swallows, whatever emotion on his face fading. "i wanted to see if you would go to dinner with me. or take a walk. or--or i'll buy you groceries, since you left yours the other night. it doesn't matter. i just want to... talk to you." 
"you want to talk to me?" 
peter nods. "i can wait outside, while you finish." he waves a hand, like an explanation. "it doesn't have to be long. just five minutes?" 
you watch peter, his face a world of feeling that you can't recognize anymore. 
and maybe that hurts the most. not him being here, not the distance or the time you've let edge you apart, but the fact that it's changed things. peter has changed and you've just let that happen. he's got a life seperate from you and there's no one to blame. he'd reached out enough, initially. months of letting his calls go to voicemail and ignoring may when you saw her in the street. 
putting yourself back together in the misshaped way you are now. peter probably doesn't even recognize you--not like this.
maybe it's your fault. 
but you find yourself nodding anyway, ignoring the guilt seeping through the cracks of you. you nod, and peter's face changes. 
it's not the first time you've noticed his eyes, or watched relief ease into him, but it's just the same. 
"yes?" peter asks, his voice rough and dry. you look at that jacket again. 
"where's your coat?" 
"my..." peter looks down with you. "oh, my coat. all of the ones aunt may kept were too small, and i thought--" he scratches his neck. "well, i forgot how cold it gets." 
you nod, slowly. 
peter nods back. 
you stare at him a moment longer, and then break away from his unfamiliar gaze. 
"just give me five minutes. i just need to put this away, and grab my stuff, and..." you swallow. 
"okay. great. do you want to me wait outside, or should i?" he gestures around, looking as uncomfortable as you've ever seen him. 
"you can sit. just--don't get any dirt on the tablebases." 
"okay. thank you." 
you nod, one last time, and look away from him. 
your heart runs circles around peter as he sits at one of your tables, his long legs not fitting beneath it. it taunts you again and again as you try not to notice him breathing, try to ignore him completely. 
you dup the mop water, spilling it on your shoes. you wipe down the last counter, the syrup sticking to your hands like a scar. you walk around the shop trying to find something else to do so you can avoid this as long as possible. your feet are cold and your hands feel abnormally dry. maybe you need to go home and shower. maybe you shouldn't be doing this at all. 
you sit in the office for a moment, wishing you could watch peter without him knowing. scope him out before you hear what he has to say. 
and--
okay, maybe there's a part of you that's been waiting three years for this. 
that dream where he's there even though you don't want him; that moment when he apologizes and you forgive him automatically, because your heart has always been small and fragile around him; that fantasy where peter comes home and he's the same teenager you used to walk around town with at two in the morning, the same brown eyes laughing as you both slipped on ice and fell on top of eachother. 
you won't deny that you've thought about this before. what you might say to him if you got the chance. 
but as you grab your bag and hang your apron around the chair in the office, the words have gone some place else. what could you say to him to make any of this make sense? 
still, you clear your throat when you walk out, feet aching from standing all day. you blink at him as he struggles to get up, pushing your chair in, the legs scratching on the floor the only sound between the two of you. 
163 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Note
PETER PARKER ANGST????❤️🫡🛬🤭😍🗣🙀🫡😀🫡🫶😀😟🫶😟❤️ (if you dont write it ill sob violently on the floor ☹️)
we could call it even
tasm!peter x fem!reader
summary:
"peter parker," she says, "you're like a legend around here."
warnings: unspecified angst, series, no fluff, no explanation
a/n: might i introduce a playlist entitled stupid boy which i listened to while writing this (and the other parts????)
Tumblr media
*
there's a specific time of night that is appropriate to go to the market. 
or inappropriate, depending on how old you are. 
if you're in your sixties and sometimes feel like your joints are just notches that need to be oiled, midnight probably isn't your designed time for grocery shopping. seven in the morning is typically the best time for swollen lungs and--literal--broken hearts. 
but if you're you, exhausted from running around all day, unpleasant from all of the people you've talked to, and trying to avoid anyone (everyone) you might know--and secrets you don't feel like sharing--then midnight is a perfect time. and perfectly normal, thank you very much.
you're not even sure why meyer's is open this late. there's no way the owner, jerry, is staying up until midnight to check out the lowlifes or drunk teenagers stopping by, and you know that these aren't prime business hours--evident by the crickets you can hear behind the 'fresh produce' section. maybe he forgets that it's open, and that susan--the only person willing to work here--is still on the clock. or maybe he's just taking pity on you. you don’t think he’s ever there, but maybe he hides around corners, noting the new lines on your face so he can report it back to every person in town. gossip is like a disease, and you’re never alone in a place like this. never quite at peace. 
you look around the next shelf for jerry, or a gust of wind that follows him running away. there’s only silence. the echoes of your footsteps. 
it doesn't matter why meyer’s is open. you're thankful for this time alone. or at least by yourself.
it's a welcome change to have no one judge you for your selection of deli cheese and baked goods. or the three containers of instant coffee you've hidden underneath it all. just out of habit. 
tuesday nights are yours, and the market is your chosen domain. 
usually, that is. usually, you're all alone. usually, you can run around on the carts and pick up anything you accidentally knock over. you can spill an entire bottle of wine on the floor and no one will blink an eye. jerry wouldn’t even be able to hear it from three feet away.
but tonight--on this tuesday when your feet hurt a little bit more than necessary, and your eyes are twitching at all of the lights--apparently you're not alone. 
which you wished you would have realized before you started humming 'single ladies' a bit too loudly. 
you wished you would have skipped shopping at all, really, as soon as you see his face. 
his wide eyes--surprised and silvered by age, much like yours--and his open mouth.
in a different world, you would be shocked--shocked instead of scared--and you might run to him. you might ask him why he didn't tell you he was coming? what is he doing here? in a different world, you two would be the only people in the market and it would be fine. 
it might even be great. 
this subtle shift in autonomy wouldn’t hurt the peace you’re looking for on this tuesday night.
there wouldn't be this obvious horror story standing between the two of you, this looming presence. the history of a thousand lies, bruise after bruise, and scars so red that they could burn through the ground. glass shattered around your feet.
the lights might as well start flickering. you should probably call out "hello?" even though he's right in front of you, and if he was going to murder you, he probably wouldn't answer. a door should creak. 
you should probably go. 
you should probably run away before he can take a step closer. you don't look a threat in the eye and smile at it. you don't feed a stray cat. 
it always comes back. 
why is he here? 
you take a step away. as soon as you notice him--behind, between, all over you--silence ensues. you might as well be at a loss for words. you don't have much to say to him. 
not to that look in his eyes, or his receding hairline, or that peak on his mouth. 
because peter would be here. at this time. and he would be trying to hide a smile, a smirk, when he's not even supposed to be within a five-hundred-foot vicinity of you. 
actually, maybe you forgot to mail that restraining order. 
but the words come out anyway because your body has always betrayed you when it comes to him. 
"peter?" you blurt out, and just saying the word stirs the simmering feeling inside of you. just saying his name is enough of a warning. 
"hey," he whispers and takes a step closer. you step back. he leans away like he knows his proximity is toxic. "sorry, i didn't mean to scare you." 
i didn't mean to. 
and yet. 
you breathe and forget how to blink. he might disappear. "peter," you repeat, as a form of masochism. you don't breathe at all. 
"sorry," he says, again. he doesn't say what for. there could be a million things. 
"um," you choke out, looking around--away from him and his manipulative eyes. "what?" you laugh to yourself, hand running over your face. you roll your eyes back into your head and laugh again. you shake your head. 
you look at peter, at his furrowed brow and inward stance, and you snort. look away from him before it's too late. 
you're laughing like something is funny. it's not. 
it's really not. 
"are you..." peter is swallowing. you'd like to pretend that his voice is hollow and cold, much like that cave inside your chest, but it's not. you recognize that concern, that softness in his voice that used to be just yours. "are you okay?" 
you almost giggle at him. it comes out as more of a cough. 
you wonder if you look like a ghost. some remanent of who you used to be--the person that only peter used to know.
"peter," you sigh, and step away from your cart. into the shelf you've been backing yourself into. 
you step away from him, still shaking your head. 
"i've got to--" you trip as you turn around and say to mostly yourself, "i've got to go." 
groceries, and peter, be damned, you think, as you walk out of the building and prepare yourself to never ever come back. 
it wouldn't be the first time. 
*
you are having your daily debate with mrs. brooke about the amount of calories in each pastry, in which you tell her that you only measure the amount of pleasure someone might get out of each one—which earns you a lovely sneer—and that she should try the blueberry scone. 
she always rolls her eyes at you, says something about watching her weight even though she’s looked the same since you were five years old and sneaking through her yard to catch the neighborhood cat. and then she leaves with a breakfast sandwich. 
it’s actually one of the most enjoyable parts of your day. 
here’s the thing about knowing every single person that comes into the shop: you know exactly what they’re going to order, and you know what type of conversation you’re going to have with them. 
mrs. brooke always stresses about her breakfast, her smile a tense sort of pleasant, but by the time she leaves her head is held a little higher. if she chooses the sandwich instead of the scone, then she’s started her day off right. you used to feel exasperated by her indecisive nature, but now you find it kind of adorable. 
mr. meyer—jerry—just comes in so he can complain about the surplus of options on your menu. he wants a black coffee, and he wants to complain. you always smile at him and ask if he’s sure he doesn’t want to try the raspberry green tea. he finds this less than humorous. 
every kid wants some kind of hot chocolate—which you actually have an excessive amount of—and no matter what their parents say, you sneak some extra marshmallows in. and everyone pretends otherwise. 
susan—your kindergarten teacher, now friend—asks if you’ve met anyone special lately. it doesn’t matter that the selection of single people your age is always the same. there’s got to be someone special, she says to you and leaves with a cider she tells everyone is a latte. 
there are the people who want their lattes and mochas, those who want some alternative milk that they complain about—even though you’ve tried every brand on earth—there are the people who don’t ever buy anything, and just come in to pretend they want something and talk to you. they gossip about the other people in town as if you aren’t well aware of everything that goes on.
you roll your eyes, but you appreciate the company. things get pretty boring when you can guess everyone’s schedule. 
but you like your tiny tea shop. you like the consistency. you enjoy the smiles you throw out, and the complaints you receive. it’s a routine, and nothing goes wrong. you're in control of this one thing, and that's just how you like it. 
in control, that is, of course, until you see him when mrs. brooke is walking away. 
“oh!” she says, pausing, her drink shaking in hand, her pink fingernails a smudge against the shadow suddenly coming from right in front of you. she is just a foot too close to him. “is that peter parker?” she asks, saying his voice like an omen, turning around so she can set her cup and bag down, and then hugging him so hard you can see her muscles working beneath her sleeve. 
“hey, mrs. brooke,” peter wheezes out, a strangled smile on his aged face. his same eyes.
he is just as surprised as you at her sudden outburst, the cooing noises she's making as she attempts to crumble him.
“look how handsome you’ve gotten! and so strong. what are those new yorkers doing with you?” 
“definitely not trying to squeeze me to death.” 
mrs. brooke laughs, somewhat vindictively, and she turns back around to look at you, with wide eyes. “did you know he was in town, dear? why didn’t you say anything? i almost had a heart attack.” 
peter clears his throat before you can throw any type of face on. any mask. “it’s a surprise,” he mock whispers, and his eyes dash to yours, then away, just as quick. “don’t tell anyone.” 
“it’s not like they’d believe me anyway,” she scoffs, “you’re a legend around here.” 
“i’m honored.” 
she laughs again, then grabs her cup. “oh,” she whispers, too loud. her eyes are tight, as if she’s intruded. “of course. i’ll leave and let you two talk.” 
and within a blink of an eye, she is running out of the shop, faster than you’ve ever seen anyone escape from here. 
and peter is there, standing in front of you. his face is smooth, calm, his eyes roaming over your face like he still has the privilege of knowing any of it. 
and your heart might be racing, if it was still there. 
"hi," he whispers. it is quiet enough for you to feel it in your chest. his voice and the memory of it. 
does he sound different? has he really changed that much in the last two years? is his face a bit worn? are his eyes a different color? 
but it doesn’t matter what rattles through your head—when you look at peter, you just see him. your peter. 
except that he’s completely different. 
you clear your throat, looking away and pushing off of the counter. “what can i get you?” 
peter blinks. “oh, um…” he looks at the menu above your head, back to you. “what—“ he swallows. “what would you recommend?” 
“it’s all good.” your voice is clipped. you should’ve said pure brewed black tea, no ice, no sweetener, no cup. just to get him out of here. you should've recommended the starbucks three towns over.
he swallows, again. a hand rakes through his hair. “i… just a sec.” 
there is a single second where you grant him the patience you would give every other customer—smile politely and let them know to ask if they have any questions. a single second where you treat him like anybody else. 
and then you say: “do you want a mocha, peter?” with an anger that shouldn’t—can’t—be contained inside of you. 
you wince at his name. the singe of his brand on you, going down your throat. 
peter seems to watch this on your face, because he’s even quieter when he answers, “sure, that’d be great.” 
so you grab a cup, writing his name on it, and move to grab the milk. 
you turn around and pretend like you’ve just forgotten he’s there. 
peter doesn’t take this hint. 
“so…” he says, his feet are loud as they tap on the ground. “you still work here, huh?” 
you barely grunt a response, spilling chocolate in the cup recklessly. if peter dies of a clogged artery it won’t be your fault. 
“that’s nice. felix always loved you. and you loved working here, back in highschool.” you have to face him as you steam the milk, and you try not to pointedly stare. not to roll your eyes or hiss at him. “it’s different though. the decor, i mean. but nice. i like it. did you do it?” 
“yes.” 
you grab his cup, pouring the milk and shoving the cap on it. “here,” your fingertips burn as you pass it to him, and you don’t think it’s because of the drink. 
“thank you.” 
you both stand there; peter blinks and doesn’t leave. 
he coughs. “i didn’t pay.”
“mrs. brooke would kill me if i made you pay for your first drink back home.” 
“well, she knows where you live,” his lip twitches, but he doesn’t laugh. 
and neither do you. 
“is it just you here?” he asks. “no felix?” 
“he sold me the shop a year ago.” 
his eyes widen. “oh. oh! that’s great. congrats.” 
“thank you.” 
you don’t move your eyes from his face, because it’s suddenly not fair that he’s here. that he’s allowed to intrude like this. 
“it’s good to see you,” peter relents, a fake smile playing on his lips. 
you falter. your heart turns in your chest, just so it doesn’t have to look at him anymore. “i’m working, okay?” you say, whispering. “i can't do this right now.” 
“right. yeah.” peter trips on a step back. his eyes are scanning your face again. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t—“ he blows out a breath. “i’m sorry.” 
you nod. watch the ground as he stumbles over it. 
“i mean it though,” he adds, like he hadn’t thought about it. “it’s good to see you.” 
and then peter swallows. you blink at him. 
when he turns around the bell rings as he pushes it. and peter doesn’t look back. 
he’s right about one thing, at least. it is nostalgic. 
*
"when were you going to tell me?" your mom asks, leaning against her kitchen counter--the same one you scribbled on as a kid, smiley faces still apparent. she's doing that fake smile thing. the one that makes you want to storm off and slam the door like some mistreated teenager. 
you don't, but both of you know that you think about it. for at least five seconds
"tell you what?" you ask, instead, setting the groceries you brought for her on the counter. 
"about peter." 
your eyes close. he would follow you around, wherever you go. he's probably hiding in some vent, smiling maliciously. 
there's that teasing voice in your head saying small town, small small town, but you just turn around, ignoring it, and her, and raise a brow. "peter parker?" you repeat, rhetorically. "twenty-four, new york. brown hair, brown eyes. lived here his whole life, has an aunt who lives next door, tried to steal our cat when he was nine..." you drawl off, making a point to smile. "ringing any bells?" 
she throws a dish towel at you. "you know thats not what i meant." 
"do i?" 
you wipe the counter with the towel, then fold it nicely on the counter, all the while avoiding your mother's eyes. 
but you know she won't leave it alone. the same way she hasnt left you alone once in the past four years, like she can dig your feelings up from whatever grave you buried them in.
there's a part of you that wants to crawl over to her and ask her to make you some hot chocolate, to watch some childrens movie on the couch with you. you want to be the little kid who would've depended on that knowing glance she's still giving you. the little kid who idolized her and wasn't afraid to admit the truth--even if you did steal that chocolate bar from under her sink.
but you're grown, and this doesn't matter. not in the long run, anyway. 
you look up, expectant eyes. she has your same eyes, and meets them.
"linda told nancy, who told jerry, who told me over the phone..." she shakes her head. "but may was here earlier." 
"yeah? how is she?" 
"good, busy, i'm guessing, because you know how she dotes over him." 
"yeah..." 
you fold the towel again, running your fingertips over the embrodered flowers. 
"have you seen him?" 
you swallow, and nod absentmindedly. you're not going to tell her about the grocery store. "yeah, he came into the shop yesterday." 
she taps your hand, and you let go of the rag. she hangs it back over the oven, the ebbing silence more like a threat, her hands falling to her hips. "why didn't you say anything?" 
"it's not a big deal. he came in, ordered, and then left." 
"and there were no words between the two of you?" she prods. "no wandering eyes? you just read his mind instead of taking his order?" 
you grit your teeth, rolling your eyes. "he asked for a mocha and i made it for him." 
"nothing else?" 
"he said it was nice to see me." 
she waves a hand at you. 
"and i said that i was working." you sigh, leaning against the counter. "that's all." 
"you're not freaking out?" your mom ducks her head so she can meet your eyes. her face is sullen, but her smile is genuine. 
it's like talking to a counselor. 
"why would i be freaking out? he had to come back sometime." 
she scoffs. the little necklace your dad gave her dangles from her neck, and you watch it. "i don't know," she says, using the same voice you do when she tells you not to take a tone with her. "maybe because you havent spoken to him in the last three years?" 
yeah, the same voice says, rough and patronizing, you haven't spoken to him in five years. why is that, again? 
but you snort at your mom, a defensive smile making its way to your lips as you look at her. "water under the bridge," you say, dismissing it. 
you don't want to talk about this with her. you don't want to talk about this with anyone. 
because the only person who might actually understand is the same person who left three years ago. who came back with no warning at all. 
"did may say when he got here?" you ask, voice escaping before you can stop it. 
"just a day or two ago, i think. why?" 
"is he here for the holidays?" 
"yes. she said he plans to stay until at least january. he's between jobs, i guess." 
"oh." you smack your lips and move away from her, back to the groceries, which is the reason you're here in the first place. you take out the milk jug, walking to the fridge, but a soft hand stops you. 
your mom is smiling when you turn towards her. "you don't have to talk about it," she's saying, her voice smooth and comforting. "i don't--i don't know what happened between the two of you. i just mentioned it because may said he was talking about you. it..." she drops off, wincing. 
"what?" 
"it might be good to talk to him. put the water under the bridge." 
you roll your eyes, nose twitching. you don't need to say anything, you won't. your mother is just another town gossip, and her opinion has no sway over you. 
even ask the words sink in. 
"now put the rest of those away," she says, ruffling your hair, "i know what happens when you take your 'breaks.'" 
you push her and put the milk in the fridge. 
*
you're mopping the floor when the bell rings, and a cold brush of air trails goosebumps up your skin. 
it's late enough in the season to no longer smell like the leaves falling onto the ground, or the grandesur pine needles showing off their lifespan. it's cold in the shop now, and you have three coats in the back. 
but the person who walks in is only wearing one. one you recognize from several years ago, with the holes in the sleeves from when he jumped over your fence and sprained his ankle. the stain on the front when may threw a plum soaked rag at him and you'd laughed so hard that you'd fallen to your knees on the floor and couldn't breathe. 
peter's face is wain. his eyes are cautious as they meet yours. 
you're not used to anyone coming in at 5:55. everyone knows you close at six, and the few people who'd dared to come in and order a drink a minute before you flipped your sign have learned their lesson. 
but peter hasn't learned anything. 
"i know," he says, like tracking your mind. "you close at six. may told me." 
"okay." 
you're still holding the mop, sure that his footprints would leave mud all over your floors. 
"i don't want to buy anything. or--" he breathes out, hands wringing at his sides, probably from the cold. "i will. if you want me to. but that's not why i came. i wanted to see if you..." 
he does a sweep over you, and his words fall in the air, as if he's just realized something. 
you look down at the snowflake apron your mom bought last year. it's not that dirty. 
you look back up, brows furrowed, and peter's expression matches yours. "yes?" you prod, feeling that anger simmer in the core of your chest. but you've been rude enough to him. 
your mom's words ring out in your head. 
it might be good to talk to him. 
peter swallows, whatever emotion on his face fading. "i wanted to see if you would go to dinner with me. or take a walk. or--or i'll buy you groceries, since you left yours the other night. it doesn't matter. i just want to... talk to you." 
"you want to talk to me?" 
peter nods. "i can wait outside, while you finish." he waves a hand, like an explanation. "it doesn't have to be long. just five minutes?" 
you watch peter, his face a world of feeling that you can't recognize anymore. 
and maybe that hurts the most. not him being here, not the distance or the time you've let edge you apart, but the fact that it's changed things. peter has changed and you've just let that happen. he's got a life seperate from you and there's no one to blame. he'd reached out enough, initially. months of letting his calls go to voicemail and ignoring may when you saw her in the street. 
putting yourself back together in the misshaped way you are now. peter probably doesn't even recognize you--not like this.
maybe it's your fault. 
but you find yourself nodding anyway, ignoring the guilt seeping through the cracks of you. you nod, and peter's face changes. 
it's not the first time you've noticed his eyes, or watched relief ease into him, but it's just the same. 
"yes?" peter asks, his voice rough and dry. you look at that jacket again. 
"where's your coat?" 
"my..." peter looks down with you. "oh, my coat. all of the ones aunt may kept were too small, and i thought--" he scratches his neck. "well, i forgot how cold it gets." 
you nod, slowly. 
peter nods back. 
you stare at him a moment longer, and then break away from his unfamiliar gaze. 
"just give me five minutes. i just need to put this away, and grab my stuff, and..." you swallow. 
"okay. great. do you want to me wait outside, or should i?" he gestures around, looking as uncomfortable as you've ever seen him. 
"you can sit. just--don't get any dirt on the tablebases." 
"okay. thank you." 
you nod, one last time, and look away from him. 
your heart runs circles around peter as he sits at one of your tables, his long legs not fitting beneath it. it taunts you again and again as you try not to notice him breathing, try to ignore him completely. 
you dup the mop water, spilling it on your shoes. you wipe down the last counter, the syrup sticking to your hands like a scar. you walk around the shop trying to find something else to do so you can avoid this as long as possible. your feet are cold and your hands feel abnormally dry. maybe you need to go home and shower. maybe you shouldn't be doing this at all. 
you sit in the office for a moment, wishing you could watch peter without him knowing. scope him out before you hear what he has to say. 
and--
okay, maybe there's a part of you that's been waiting three years for this. 
that dream where he's there even though you don't want him; that moment when he apologizes and you forgive him automatically, because your heart has always been small and fragile around him; that fantasy where peter comes home and he's the same teenager you used to walk around town with at two in the morning, the same brown eyes laughing as you both slipped on ice and fell on top of eachother. 
you won't deny that you've thought about this before. what you might say to him if you got the chance. 
but as you grab your bag and hang your apron around the chair in the office, the words have gone some place else. what could you say to him to make any of this make sense? 
still, you clear your throat when you walk out, feet aching from standing all day. you blink at him as he struggles to get up, pushing your chair in, the legs scratching on the floor the only sound between the two of you. 
163 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 4 months
Text
the skyline falls as I try to make sense of it all
Summary: All things considered, the frat party could have ended much worse.
Pairing: TASM!Peter Parker x Female Reader
Word count: 10.8k
Rating: 18+, no minors
Warnings/tropes: blond Peter Parker, a frat dude, a splash of violence, unprotected sex, sexual hang-ups, friends to lovers
Tumblr media Tumblr media
It stung, to be ignored by this guy— fucking Kyle, it was always a Kyle, wasn’t it— that she’d gone on a few dates with. Especially since they’d gone well, or so she’d thought. He’d sent her goofy memes and cute emojis and it was enough to pull her in, enough to make her feel like maybe she was worth a damn.
So it was more than a little shocking to see him sitting on a couch at a Pi Kappa Alpha party with some beautiful redhead straddling his lap, kissing his ear with a too-loud giggle that cut through the noise of the hundred or so people crammed into the house. It was hard to take in, like she’d walked in on Bigfoot doing a burlesque routine, and she just stared uncomprehendingly, waiting for him to reject her. But it didn’t happen until he saw her watching them, and then he made a big show of pushing her away and shooting to his feet awkwardly, unable to hide his boner, and she couldn’t believe she’d been stupid enough to go down on a guy named Kyle.
Never again.
Music thundered overhead, some kind of trap remix of a Tears for Fears song that was war-crimes awful, and she ducked into the thankfully empty kitchen to collect herself before heading back home. She considered the jungle juice for a moment before grabbing a bottle of water and angrily unscrewing the cap before chugging half of it in one go, because she was not gonna have a hangover for some jag she’d met at a party a few weeks ago.
With a sigh, she perched on the counter and thunked her temple against the fridge, hoping it would knock some sense into her. Why did she have the worst douchebag radar on the planet? Who had she pissed off in another life that this was happening to her?
Somewhere to her right, ice shifted suddenly in the cooler and she jumped. There was Peter Parker, who sat in a permanent slouch in front of her in their Analytical Chemistry class. They’d talked a lot, starting on the first day of the semester with a loudly whispered can you believe this guy from him when their professor had said something wildly sexist. At first, she’d figured it was just an attempt to be slick, easy points for a bare minimum comment. But at the end of class, when their professor asked for questions, he’d raised his hand and asked if science was such an easy field for women to advance in, why wasn’t Mary Anning allowed to join the Geological Society of London? The room had gone dead silent, and when Peter brought up Rosalind Franklin next, class had been quickly dismissed. She’d caught up with him to introduce herself, and had been so relieved to learn he wasn’t full of shit. From there, they’d joked about how glad they were to live off campus, away from all the freshmen and traded tips on the best nearby dive bars. At least once a week, one of them would pick up an extra coffee for the other and somewhere on her desk, she had his notes from when she’d ditched class to go to a Valentino pop-up last week. She would consider them friends. As far as she could tell, he was pretty cool, although his bleached hair made him look like a total fuckboy, which apparently she was into. But if that was the worst thing he had doing on, he was a fucking dream of a guy. 
“Hey, you,” he said coolly as he straightened up to his full height, setting his red solo cup on the counter. His brown eyes swept over her, and dare she think he was checking her out? Maybe she just wanted it to be true, because maybe she’d wondered once or twice or seven times what kissing him would be like. At least she looked good in her too-short black skirt and Springsteen tee with a too-wide neckline. Apparently not as good as a giggly redhead, though. “Who’re you hiding from?” 
She shrugged carelessly, letting her feet swing and bump loudly against the cabinets below her. “Bad music.”
He nodded, his mouth twitching into a slow smile, like they were sharing a secret. “You sure? You tore outta there pretty fast.”
“I get really bummed out when eighties music is disrespected,” she replied, crossing her legs and not bothering to pull her skirt over her thighs. His eyes were glued to her bare knees, and for some reason, that pleased her. 
“Well,” he said after a moment, and she was not imagining it, his eyes were tracing her mouth like he was memorizing the shade of lipstick she was wearing, “I’m sorry your evening took such a bad turn.”
Peter Parker was stupid hot. She knew it, and he definitely knew it. Even with the messy boy band hair, he had warm eyes and a deadly jawline and currently, a hungry grin. And it wasn’t the beer she’d had earlier that was putting those ideas into her head. It was plain facts. 
“Me too,” she mumbled, shelving her racing thoughts as she slid off the counter carefully, just in time for Kyle to finally come barging in. 
“Hey! Hey, hang on—” he began frantically as she sidestepped him as best she could, but he grabbed her anyway. His hand was sweaty and his fingers were too tight around her bicep, like a claw in a toy machine had escaped and latched onto her. 
“Don’t touch me,” she snapped, tugging out of his grip and squeezing her water bottle like it was his neck. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“No, listen— listen, it wasn’t a big deal. I’ve known Emma since high school, it wasn’t anything.”
She wanted the floor to inhale her Kirby-style. This wasn’t a discussion she wanted to have, especially in front of her friend that she was pretty sure had been flirting with her. Someone needed to leave, whether it was her or Kyle or Peter, who was watching the trainwreck unfold with wide eyes.
“Hey, man,” Peter began, taking a step toward them, but it did nothing to deter Kyle. “I don’t think she—”
“Can you just go?” she mumbled to no one in particular, heading for the door, but Kyle grabbed her arm again, bruisingly hard. Without thinking, she squeezed her open bottle directly in his face. 
Peter snorted. Meanwhile, the noise Kyle let out was as if she’d sprayed him with a riot hose, and she couldn’t believe this loser had talked her into giving him a blowjob. 
“You fucking bitch, I’m soaked,” he cried angrily, flicking water out of his eyes indignantly. It was only half a bottle and he was acting like she’d waterboarded him. Every single thing he did was pissing her off, and she was beyond furious that she’d wasted her time on someone like him. Worst of all, that he’d managed to make her feel sad, even if it had only been for a few minutes. 
“At least one of us got there,” she shot back and Peter snorted again and oh shit she hadn't meant to blurt that out and she was just digging a huge hole for herself, huh? 
Her mouthiness immediately twisted into apprehension, because Kyle’s face had gone from pathetically pleading to stone-cold mean. His blue eyes were flinty and he lunged at her as she took a step back. 
It turned into a strangely slow ballet: Peter pulled her behind him and threw a punch all at once, like he could predict the future and had seen it coming a mile away. Kyle staggered back with a bloody nose, Peter shook his hand out, and she peered over his shoulder nervously, because holy hell, she was pretty sure she’d just technically been in her first fight. “No one ever told you not to pick on someone smaller than you? That’s a dick move, don’t you think?”
Kyle was too embarrassed to do anything but stumble away with blood running down his chin, soaking into the collar of his awful lime green Lacoste polo. All the signs really had been right in front of her. Lacoste? So preppy. 
“I,” she breathed, adrenaline pumping through her body, sending jittery half-breaths out of her mouth as he turned to face her. “Um, sorry. Sorry, shit, I’m really sorry, Peter.”
“You okay?” he asked, handing her a fresh water bottle that she just held awkwardly, the condensation cold against her palm.
“Yeah. Yeah, um. Yeah.” Sound stupider, Jesus Christ. He was gonna think she was a complete idiot. “I’m okay. Are you? Your hand–”
“Was that the bad music?” he asked, taking the bottle and removing the cap for her.
She laughed quietly. “Yeah.”
He turned on the sink to wash the blood off, and she caught sight of his other hand. Two of his knuckles were busted, and she wondered who else he’d had a run-in with recently. She didn’t really have him pegged as a troublemaker. Maybe he was a trouble solver. She didn’t believe in violence, but sometimes she was glad other people did. 
“You sure you’re good? You look a little shaky.”
“Yeah.” Heavily, she leaned against the door and took a sip of water. “Thank you for, um, getting him to leave.”
“No problem. Did you finish the paper for Langston?” he asked, running a hand through his hair, which only made it more wild. 
She knew he was trying to distract her and she appreciated it. “I certainly have some words in a Google doc that are dreaming of becoming sentences,” she replied sheepishly, because it was a disorganized mess of notes and bracketed sarcastic comments to herself that she needed to delete before submitting. “But I don’t know if he really cares what girls write, given that he thinks women are treated better because of their looks.”
“Send him a selfie and get yourself an easy A,” Peter suggested with a devilish wink, and Jesus, why was the kitchen so warm? A drop of sweat snaked its way down the back of her neck, surely just from the excitement of what had happened. 
“Mmm, I don’t like the idea of him having a picture of me,” she replied, tossing her now-empty bottle into the giant black trash bag that sat between two bar stools. 
He hummed in agreement, his eyes lingering on her exposed shoulder. “That’s fair.” Christ, she was gonna slide down the door into a puddle if he didn’t quit looking at her like she was some kind of prize.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked down at the rounded toes of her boots, wishing she’d stomped on Kyle’s foot. That wouldn’t have been violence, more like… justice. “I…” she hesitated, wondering if she should explain it to him. “Um, there was this— this girl in his lap, and we’ve gone out five times and it was in front of everyone and it was embarrassing.” A lump formed in her throat because she was oversharing like some bubbleheaded high schooler and she needed to zip her mouth. Peter probably didn’t want to hear about—
“He’s a dick,” he informed her distastefully, like Kyle was something he’d found on the bottom of his scuffed sneaker. “I’ve known him since freshman year. He was on my dorm floor. Total piece of shit.”
“Wish I would have known,” she said wistfully. “ I could’ve spent so much more time worrying about finishing some papers instead of trying to figure out when to reschedule dates with him.”
“He’s got that Jekyll and Hyde thing going on.”
“Ah,” she scoffed. “A secret identity. Love that in a person.”
“Gotta steer clear of those, although… it’s hard to avoid a secret,” he teased, and wow, he was really hot. And nice, on top of it, but she’d known that for ages. However, it was a deadly combination that she was not immune to. 
“That’s true,” she agreed. There was a sudden commotion outside, shouting and cheering and splashing, and through the kitchen window she could see that furniture had made its way into the pool. She scoffed, tucking her chin against her chest. “Stupid.”
Peter nodded. “So why are you here?” he asked, leaning on the wall opposite her while she was still trying to process the fact that he’d punched an asshole for her, going out of his way to protect her. Who did stuff like that? “Doesn’t seem like your kind of scene.”
“What, a frat party? Because I make bad choices, obviously.”
He playfully seesawed his head. “Wanna go make another one?” he offered, crossing his arms over his chest. The movement pulled the material of his green t-shirt tight over his chest and what the hell, was she hearing him correctly? There was no way he was asking what she thought he was asking. A hook-up with her hot friend from chem class? Dream the fuck on, girl. And stop staring at his arms. His beautifully muscled arms, and definitely stop looking at the veins—
“With— um, with you?” she managed to stammer out, wishing she sounded cooler than she actually was. Spit it out, for the love of God.
“Yeah,” he grinned wolfishly, “with me.”
“Why?” she asked suspiciously, instead of shutting the hell up and letting him drag her upstairs immediately. Guys didn’t usually toss indecent proposals at her like this, but honestly, it would be nice to be stupid for a night with someone and blow off some steam. 
He shrugged, all easy grace and broad shoulders. “Why not? You’re cute, I’m cute. Besides, that whole soaked thing? That’s a real shame, sweetheart.”
Her brain was a whirlpool. Fucking what, Peter Parker? Who on Earth just casually said things like that? “I didn’t— I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Nah.” He shook his head, a boyish grin dancing on his lips that shot through her embarrassingly fast. “He should know how badly he fucked things up with you.” He extended his hand toward her. She stared at it, then up at him. He wiggled his fingers enticingly, jerking his chin in a come on move, and she took it hesitantly, but it was big and warm and reassuring against hers and it put her at ease instantly. Gently, he pulled her closer, until she had to tilt her head to look up at him. “You wanna let me treat you better than him?”
Nine simple words. Still, her brain took a millennium to process them, buffering like bad WiFi. Her heartbeat rushed in her ears, and she didn’t have a cool girl response for him. There she was, undeniably flustered and there was that beautiful grin of his, an I’ll eat you up if you’d like lazy twist of his mouth that sent heat spiraling between her thighs. 
She wanted to ask why again, but she just nodded wordlessly and he laced his long fingers through hers and quietly led her out of the kitchen, weaving through drunken party-goers. The skunky smell of weed curled in her nose, followed by the hoppy scent from a pool of spilled beer that she carefully stepped over, not letting go of Peter’s hand for a second. Briefly, she wondered if anyone was watching them, and then immediately realized that she didn’t care one bit about what anyone else might think of her. They could be going to get burgers or work on an assignment or feed ducks or any number of things. 
They weren’t. But they could be. 
She followed him out the back door, her heart racing with the unknown. It wasn’t like she was trying to get back at Kyle; she was truly intrigued by Peter. He’d made her feel positively electric just talking to her, and if that’s what he could do with just his words, then she’d be a fool not to find out what else he was capable of. 
The house let out into an alley that meandered through Fraternity Row. They were a few streets over from her apartment, which meant they were close to his place as well because she knew he was in the complex across from her. She’d seen him out on the weekends, with a board tucked under his arm or his backpack slung over his shoulder on the way to the library. Always with headphones in, blocking out the world, but he always returned the little wave she gave him as they passed each other. 
It was cool outside, the March air still clinging to a sliver of winter chill. The stars seemed to be hiding, and the only thing above them was a perfect crescent moon. 
“So are you taking anal chem for fun or your major?” he asked, and she tore her gaze from the inky sky. He was still holding her hand, as though they did this all the time, sneaking around in the middle of the night with nothing but very specific designs on each other.
“You think someone would take that for fun?” she asked, wrinkling her nose. It was a miserable class, and it was only made better knowing that it didn’t have a final. “It’s like putting your brain in an iron maiden.”
“Masochists, maybe.”
“Well, I’m not that,” she assured him, and he tugged her close to his side so she didn’t step in a puddle.
Until that slick little move, she’d managed to relax about what they were up to, because he made it easy to put things on a back burner and make her feel like they were just out with him getting some air. Just talking with her friend about a class they both hated, and not headed somewhere to go be impulsive together. 
They turned onto a side street behind his building, tall and brick and imposing, stretching up to meet the moon. Most of the windows were dark, because it seemed like every frat on campus was having a spring break is over party on the same night. Lucky her that she’d gone to the same one as Peter Parker. 
“You remember I sat behind you on the first day of class?” She nodded, and his thumb slid up the center of her wrist, sending a shiver up her spine. “I moved in front of you so I’d actually pay attention, because you…” he trailed off, pressing her against the brick wall, “are distracting. You know that?”
She didn’t even mind the roughness of the building against her back because he was melting her down with those pretty brown eyes of his. “No,” she replied, hyper aware of his hand coming up to rest on her hip, fingers slipping under her shirt to just barely caress her hip. His hands were calloused, but he touched her like she was something delicate— a music box ballerina or a pressed flower petal. 
“Well, you are.” He trailed his thumb along the rise of her cheekbone, achingly gentle in a way that turned her knees weak and set her body ablaze. Just from a simple thing like that, how absolutely ridiculous. “You wanna come up with me?”
She liked that he was checking in, gauging her to make sure she felt comfortable. “Maybe I just wanted to make sure you got home safe,” she teased as his nose brushed hers, and she stood on her toes so she could reach him better. 
“Awfully sweet of you.” His mouth slanted over hers, and wow, she had been wasting time talking about qualitative analysis with him, because Peter Parker kissed like pure sin. She’d never been so glad to be against a wall, because she was absolutely dizzy from how he was holding her, his thumb tucked against the hinge of her jaw as his other hand inched up to her rib cage. If he went much higher, he’d know she’d forgone a bra. 
A ragged gasp left her when he pushed his knee between hers, and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. She could feel the pleased curve of his lips when she grabbed the front of his shirt to anchor herself, her nails scraping against his chest as she pulled back, because she was not about to make her private life public. “Peter, I think we should—”
“Go upstairs so I can treat you like a princess?” he crooned, trailing his lips maddeningly along her jaw with a contented sigh. “You want that?”
“Yes,” she said, her eyes fluttering as his thumb grazed the swell of her breast, and he inhaled sharply. 
“Distracting,” he muttered with lust-lidded eyes, and he took her hand again and led her into the lobby. The elevator seemed to take forever to arrive. She waited for her nerves to convince her that this was a bad idea, but they stayed silent. His thumb tripped over the back of her hand as he traced some nonsense shape against her skin, and she tried her hardest to ignore how her heart sped up. 
Peter’s place was small, the kitchen and living room only separated by a high counter. To the right was a single half-closed door covered with various posters of local bands, and she figured the bathroom must be inside his room, just like hers was. Wobbly stacks of textbooks decorated a coffee table that appeared to be half of a repurposed door, if the brass knob was anything to go by. His laptop and Hydro Flask were covered in stickers, spiders and goofy science memes and logos she didn’t recognize, curled up at their edges from being handled frequently. 
Oh, to be handled frequently by him, her sly brain whispered, and she blinked, trying to shake that out of her head. Although, that was the reason she was at his apartment in the first place. 
The click of the lock brought her back to where she was— Peter Parker’s tidy living room, and then his hand on the small of her back as he slipped past her really drove it home. It was all of half a second of contact, but the pressure lingered, and the too-warm feeling from earlier returned, although now she knew it wasn’t adrenaline from watching someone getting their ass handed to them. 
Nerves caught up with her, and she adjusted the hem of her skirt as she sank down next to him, leaving a respectable amount of space between them. His couch was a nice green that reminded her of the rainforest, kapok trees and goliath water lilies and tree boas. 
Ever aware of her surroundings, she realized he was studying her. Stubbled cheek propped against his fist, elbow planted against the armrest of the sofa, and a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He didn’t seem to be scrutinizing or judging, just taking her in like he was at an art gallery. She watched as his eyes drifted along the curve of her hip, as they cataloged and made mental notes of her clavicle, as they lingered on her half-bare thighs. 
“What?” she asked, clearing her throat as she clasped her hands on top of her knees, wondering again for just a moment why he’d asked her to come to his place. 
He shook his head playfully, jostling his forearm— his very nice forearm. “You’re pretty.”
“Thought I was cute,” she breathed. He’d thoroughly flustered her again, and it sent butterflies flitting through her belly, ticklish and lovely.
“A person can be both.” He swiped his blond hair from his eyes, but it still curled stubbornly against his forehead. “How’d he blow it with someone like you, huh?”
His words were genuine, whiskey-smooth and wondering, and she pressed her thighs together as subtly as she could manage. “I mean, I told you what happened. He wasn’t, um… very reciprocal. Didn’t want to make any effort.” Ugh, she tried to ignore the memory of him lazily shoving his hand between her thighs like he was doing her some kind of selfless favor, and she was so glad she hadn’t slept with him. And she didn’t know who the hell she was that she was telling him this, but it felt like an easy thing to do. Opening up to Peter, with his bruised knuckle secrets and warm hands and burnished golden crown; it was reflexive. “But it doesn’t really work on me anyway, so I guess it was kind of a blessing in disguise.”
Peter made a disapproving noise, a tsk that made her dig her shiny red nails into her palms. “What doesn’t work on you?”
Her face went hot. How many times had she told someone not to bother eating her out because it didn’t feel good? Enough that it made her feel like she was a broken toy with faulty wiring. Some kind of signal had never made it from Point A to Point B, and it was embarrassing. All her girlfriends talked about how nice it was, and she was envious. And she’d been with people much more enthusiastic than Kyle, which led her to believe that it was just something that didn't work for her. “It’s fine,” she assured him. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Can I try?” 
It wasn’t arrogant, the way he asked her. It was thoughtful. Earnest. And that knocked her for a loop more than an inflated ego would have. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to let him, but the idea of nothing happening was humiliating. It would ruin the night. Why did he have to be considerate? She figured they’d just make out and fuck, because that’s how it always seemed to go, in her experience. And she was more than fine with that. “You don’t have to do that.”
He raised his dark brows. “If you think I feel that eating you out would be a chore, you are so deeply wrong, sweetheart.” He leaned forward, and her body buzzed in anticipation as he invaded her space. “I’m gonna kiss you again, and I want you to think about it, okay?”
His mouth was just inches from hers, and she was so distracted by how good he smelled that she forgot he’d asked her a question until he made an expectant noise, a soft yeah? that had her nodding obediently. 
“Okay,” she agreed helplessly as his lips found hers again, honey-slow and just as sweet. Tentatively, she nipped at his bottom lip until he opened his mouth with a groan that spun her around. His fingers were against her neck, firm but not painful, and he was gathering her close, pulling her into his lap easily. 
It wasn’t really a question of whether she wanted to accept his offer, because her brain had gone carnal pretty much the moment she’d seen him in the kitchen. She realized then that he’d come to check on her— he’d even said he’d seen her leave the room— and from there, his concern had softened her until she was nothing but a wide-eyed wanting thing. But she didn’t want to deal with the disappointment again, and she didn’t want to fake anything with him. She was firmly pinned between a rock and a hard place, and she tried to push that conundrum away for a minute so she could enjoy herself.
Peter was deceptively solid under his usual hoodies and plaids, and it was a delightful thing to discover. She pushed him back on the couch, eager to touch him back as his hands roamed up her thighs, fingers dancing under the flutter of her skirt, tracing those little shapes again, maybe writing his name. He hooked his thumb under her chin and brought her close, running his nose along the underside of her jaw until she sighed. “That’s really pretty, sweetheart,” he encouraged her between kisses, his chapped lips creating a desire path down to her bare shoulder. “I’m so sorry he wasted your time.”
“Me too,” she whispered, sinking her fingers into his thick hair as he nibbled at her collarbone. “You can, um, leave a mark, it’s okay.”
He chuckled against her shoulder, shifting under her until she was straddling him properly, her knees vice-tight against him. “I’m gonna take you up on that.” His big palms settled against her waist, warm though her clothes like the sun was simmering under his skin. “Move your hips for me.”
He was already guiding her, slow rolling motions that were pushing her skirt up until it was indecent, but she didn’t care. Instead, she ground down shamelessly, finding him already half-hard between her thighs. “Like that?” she asked, but the way his thumbs were digging stamps of approval into her hips answered her question.
“You know what you want, don’t you?” he grinned as she leaned down to kiss him, sliding her palms slowly under his shirt. 
“He didn’t want me to touch him except how he wanted,” she mumbled petulantly, freezing for a second when he grabbed her ass and rocked his hips into hers. Stars raced over her skin at the sensation, and she tugged at the soft green material, desperate to see more of him. 
“He’s a fucking clown,” Peter informed her roughly, pulling his shirt off in one fluid movement and tossing it away before he dragged her close, sliding his tongue into her mouth with a satisfied groan. “You’re too good for him, angel.”
Maybe it was vain, but being told something like turned her on way too much, and in that moment, she knew she’d let him do what he’d asked.
“I wanna try,” she admitted in a rush, as though saying it quickly would stop her from losing her nerve.
He didn’t tease or ask her to say it again, instead nodding solemnly like she’d told him something sacred. A holy string of words, delicate as a rosary. “Yeah?”
She nodded as she slipped her hand into his. But instead of leading her to his room, he scooped her up so effortlessly that it made her laugh before he chased it away with a searing kiss, and her mirth faded into a needy moan. 
Shouldering the door open the rest of the way, he smacked the nightstand light on and kicked his shoes off, somehow holding her up with one strong arm banded around her waist. His mouth was all over her neck, whispering pretty against her skin like the word might tattoo itself there in delicate black script, sweeping along her shoulder to let everyone know what Peter Parker thought of her.
She kissed a pale scar on his chin as her back met the bed and he sat back on his heels. “You gotta lose one,” he informed her, tugging at her skirt and shirt, dark in his fist like a handful of oil. 
“You pick,” she said, tilting her head teasingly as he gently pulled off her boots, letting them clunk onto the carpet. “It’ll all be off soon anyway.”
“Well, it’s kind of hard to focus with The Boss staring at me.” Slowly, he raised the hem of her tee, his fingers almost too gentle against her skin as she arched her back so he could take it off, pulling it carefully over her head so he didn’t mess up her hair. “Fuck,” he mumbled appreciatively, and she was glad she’d been lazy and not worn a bra, because the expression on his face made her feel priceless. 
She didn’t feel self-conscious, not with him. If anything, she felt bold, like it was okay to ask for whatever she wanted. He’d made it clear that he wanted to spoil her, and the way he kept looking at her was more than enough. And the way he spoke to her wasn’t some dumb damn babe you’re so hot bullshit; it almost felt like some sort of piety. 
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her sternum, letting his palms ghost across her breasts. Goosebumps rippled across her skin and she shivered when he flicked his tongue across her nipple before taking it in his mouth, humming against her. “You doing good?” he murmured, giving her hip an affectionate squeeze. 
She nodded, blinking rapidly when his teeth scraped against her for a split second before switching to her other breast. “You’re really nice,” she said softly, brushing his hair from his forehead, toying with the golden strands for a moment. 
“Yeah, well, you make it easy.” 
She was gonna be nothing but a wreck if he kept talking to her like that, and she pulled him close so she could kiss him again. Tracing her fingers down his stomach, she found the perfect vee of his hip and exhaled in anticipation, hoping she could leave a mark of her own there. There wasn’t a bit of fat on his body, no matter where she touched. Maybe it was all that skateboarding he did. 
“Easy,” he gently scolded when she slid her hand dangerously close to his thigh, curious to feel how she’d affected him, even though his hard cock was already pressing insistently against her belly. 
She huffed. “Even if I want to?” she asked, because she truly did want to touch him. 
Peter shook his head, pushing her eager fingers away. “Tonight’s for you.” His hand slipped under her skirt, long fingers trailing along her inner thigh.
Flatterer, she wanted to tease, but he was so sincere that saying something like that even as a joke would make her feel like a jerk. That was a good word for him, sincere. It was in his eyes and the warmth of his voice and when he spoke with her, whether it was the time in class he’d assured her up and down that no one could tell she was hungover but maybe she shouldn’t participate in the discussion that day, or outside when he’d called her distracting. It wasn’t a slick line. He’d never given her one.
“If I do something that you don’t like, just tell me to stop, okay? You’re not gonna hurt my feelings. I’m pretty tough.”
Tough indeed. The light from his nightstand was enough that she could see some extensive scarring on his chest, but it wasn't something she wanted to bring up and possibly kill the mood with. “Okay.” She was twitchy with nerves, because she knew nothing was gonna happen other than a sore jaw for him and disappointment for her. But the fact that he wanted to try was sweet. 
“I’m gonna touch you… just like this.” His hand was inside her black boy shorts, cupping her gently as he slid one finger through her folds. It made her shiver— his confidence and his touch were an intoxicating blend. “Gonna take my time with you, sweetheart.”
She just nodded, because she wasn’t sure what else to do with a declaration like that. Here you are and here I am and I want to give you everything because I think you should have it. She tried to think of a response but she had nothing. Tabula rasa. 
He kissed her as he touched her, soft little bits of praise falling from his lips like sugar, telling her how well she was doing and calling her sweetheart. She whimpered when his thumb pressed against her clit, and then again when he began to circle it slowly. She could hear how turned on she was, and she whispered his name as he began to work a bruise into her skin, sucking hard as his stubble burned her neck, scratchy and sweet all at once. 
“You need more?” he asked, kissing away the bite of pain he’d left behind. “You need me to set you straight, angel?”
“I want more.” The words had barely left her lips before he was pushing a finger inside her, and she closed her eyes, tossing her head to the side at the feeling of him filling her up like that. 
“Oh, sweetheart…” he cooed, hand tightening against her cheek. It made her feel small, the breadth of his palm against her, the way his thumb rested just at the corner of her mouth because it had nowhere else to fit. “I’m gonna make a mess outta you. Gonna make you feel so fucking good, I promise.”
Her reply was to lift her hips, following the movement of his wrist as he began to pump his finger slowly. It was just enough to give her a taste of what was to come, but at the same time it was a terrible tease. “Peter...”
He added another finger and she clenched around them with a low moan. “Who’re you so wet for, huh?” His words were so soothing that they didn’t register at first, and then he crooked his fingers just enough to get her back on track. 
“You.” His face lit up, his brown eyes going dark with pleasure as he withdrew his hand from between her thighs. She couldn’t hold his gaze for long, because he pecked her mouth and began to kiss his way down her body, teeth scraping and tongue flicking cleverly across her sensitive skin until he was on his knees before her.
“You ready?” he asked, running his palms up her shins soothingly, past her knees to the tops of her thighs. She reached down and wiggled out of her skirt, although it had been yanked up practically the entire time and didn’t make much of a difference. 
“You now,” she prompted, not sure if she was stalling just a bit. 
He stood and shucked off his jeans so fast that she was confused by it. His boxers did nothing to hide how hard he was, and she wanted so badly to have him inside of her that for a moment she considered telling him to forget going down on her and to just get between her legs until she couldn't see straight. “We good?” 
“Uh-huh,” she said, and he sank to his knees, pulling her forward easily. “You’re good.”
She watched the lazy spin of the fan for a moment as he kissed his way up the inside of her knee, his hot breath making her squirm. “We’re getting rid of these,” he informed her, hooking his thumbs under the elastic of her shorts and tugging them down, and now there was no separation. But it still didn’t make her feel nervous, to be laid bare to him. The only thing she was worried about was her traitorous do-nothing body. A cold feeling spread through her chest, ugly nervous dread that zigzagged up into her brain.
Peter interrupted her nasty train of thought with an appreciative noise as he planted a kiss on the inside of her thigh, and when she looked down all she saw was messy gold hair and an easy smile that left her boneless. But watching him felt like too much, and when he swiped his tongue through her folds, she let her head fall back against his pillow, staring intently up at the ceiling. The room smelled like him, masculine and comforting, and it made something warm curl through her body. 
He did it again, a slow slide of his tongue that actually felt nice. Maybe there was hope for her yet.
“That feel good?” he asked when her knee jerked involuntarily, and she imagined a reflex hammer, shiny and small. 
“Uh-huh, yeah.” She inhaled so sharply it stung her lungs, and he pulled her closer, helping her drape her thighs over his big shoulders as he began to eat her out in earnest, groaning against her cunt as he devoured her. One of his hands was spreading her open, and she jumped when his tongue dipped inside her. “Oh, fuck,” she whispered, because this didn’t feel bad or obnoxious or like a complete waste of time, this was glorious and divine. Everything in her body felt quivery and perfect, drawing tight like a bowstring. Her hips were moving without her permission to meet his tongue, rocking up against his mouth, and all she could think was that her body wasn’t broken and she should take him on a date for showing her that. “You’re really good at this,” she told him, shocked at how unsteady her voice was. 
He hummed against her and then slid a finger inside, still working her clit with his clever mouth, and she nearly came off the bed at the overload. All she could think to do was to grab his hair, and in return, he added another finger. It wasn’t retaliatory, but her chest tightened all the same and her heart was a jet engine in her ears. Her breathing went jagged, almost comically breathy as he worked her open with his long fingers, curling and thrusting faster and faster until all she could hear was the embarrassingly wet sounds of his hand and mouth all over her. 
That elusive feeling that she’d doubted rose fast in her belly like smoke, thick and stifling until it overwhelmed her, and she let go of his hair to cover her face because she didn’t know what else to do as she fell apart. Her hips were still moving of their own volition, and she ground herself against his pretty jaw while he continued to lap at her until it bordered on too much and she twisted away only because she didn’t want to burst into tears in front of him. 
“Peter,” she mumbled, touching his cheek reverently, and oh, she was gonna get lost in his big brown eyes if she wasn’t careful, “I wanna kiss you.”
He crawled over her, slow and lean and spring break tan, almost like a cat stalking a mouse, and it sent a shocking rush of arousal through her. 
“You feel good, sweetheart?” he asked, his lips skimming hers as he cupped the back of her head. “You did so well, coming on my face like that.”
“I didn’t think anything would happen,” she confessed between kisses, his slick mouth hungrily stealing her words away. The soft material of his boxers was in the way of what she wanted, and she grabbed his ass to pull him closer. Whining in frustration, she shifted under him impatiently as he kissed her neck.
“What do you want, huh?” he asked, deadly soft as she planted her heels so she could feel more of him, thick and hard between her thighs. He felt big and all of a sudden, he laughed and flushed pink. She realized she’d said it out loud, but she had no reason to apologize. 
“You do,” she insisted, reaching between them again as he sat back on his heels, just out of reach. Before she could complain, he pulled his boxers down his hips and her words died on her lips, other than a blurted out Jesus, Peter. His grin was just a little bit arrogant but she didn’t care because it was warranted. “Do you think I can take it?”
“You wanna try?” He interlocked his fingers with hers, pinning her hands next to her head as he loomed over her. She let her gaze wander up the muscles of his arms and chest, down to his lean waist that she’d wrapped her legs around. 
She nodded eagerly, and he let her pull him down, immediately rocking against her while she somehow managed to mumble that she was on birth control. The head of his cock bumped her clit and she groaned, trying to get him to do it again. “Peter, come on.”
“You feel what you did, baby?” he purred, continuing his slow assault with a sweet kiss. “You didn’t even put your hands on me.”
“You wouldn’t let me and I wanted to,” she pointed out breathlessly, and he let go of her hand to squeeze her breast, taking her nipple in his mouth until she arched into him. Her body didn’t know which way to move, brain swirling like a top. “I’m gonna pull you out of class next week and— fuck, Peter—”
“Gonna pull me out of class and fuck me?” he grinned wickedly as he continued to rut against her. “Fuck, you’re so wet I didn’t even need your mouth.” 
His fingers were between her legs again, gathering her slick and spreading it all over his cock, watching her with dark eyes. How the hell was she supposed to sit behind him in class ever again and not remember what he’d done to her? She’d take one look at his hand curled against his cheek and fall to fucking pieces. Grabbing his wrist with a huff, she dragged him close so she could lick herself off his skin, and his pupils blew out. 
“You don’t even know what you’re doing to me,” he mumbled, bracing himself over her. 
“Show me,” she begged as he lined himself up with her. A yellowish bruise on his bicep swam into her line of sight and she kissed it gently. “Treat me better.”
He thrust into her slowly, giving her time to accept him. Even though he’d spent more than enough time between her thighs, it was still a lot. But she didn’t mind, because he was so fucking sweet to her that it was all worth it. “Sweetheart, I might find you first,” he groaned, kissing the tip of her nose, and why did he have to do a thing like that?
“Find me first?” she echoed blankly. Butterflies raced through her and she blinked rapidly, his face blurring for just a moment as he pulled almost all the way out of her. A bizarre panic filled her chest; she didn’t want to lose the closeness and she tightened her grip on his biceps, digging her nails in a bit harder than she meant to. But he thrust into her again, giving her a little bit more this time and she relaxed, enjoying the flex of his muscles under her palms. 
“I’m gonna drag you out of that lecture hall first,” he promised, kissing her neck roughly, “and I’m gonna see if I can’t make you come with just my mouth. Find an empty classroom and wreck you.”
She didn’t get to say anything else, because he bottomed out with his next thrust and a tremble ran through her body like he’d electrocuted her. It was intimate, the way she was curled around him and how he returned it to her, settled heavily between her thighs like this was how they always spent their weekends, tangled like vines and trading filthy promises. Maybe they should start. 
He rocked back but she clenched around him, looping her arms around his neck. “Wait, just— just stay like that, please.”
Peter pressed a kiss to her cheek and pushed forward, slowly dragging his palms up the sides of her thighs, blazing hot handprints tattooing themselves into her skin. “You just wanna feel me?”
“Yes,” she nodded. She liked that she couldn’t really move, with his strong thighs pressed behind hers and his body pinning hers helplessly to his bed. He clutched her face like he was holding a fistful of jewels, shiny and delicate and worth the world. 
Tucking his face against the crook of her neck, he began to whisper to her, asking what do you feel so good for, sweetheart? and telling her that she was a pretty fucking girl and he was gonna treat her like gold, just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you, baby, kissing her slowly all the while. She’d heard stuff like that from other men, and every time it ended with zero follow-through. But she didn’t doubt him for a second. 
A tremor struck her calves and she turned her head to the side as it made its way to her hips. He wasn’t even moving and she felt like she was gonna shatter apart again from how he was stretching her. 
“You’re shaking, sweetheart,” he said quietly, running his nose along the column of her throat, still not budging. Like he didn’t know how fucking thick he was, like he couldn’t feel her fluttering around him. “You gonna come just like this?”
“Yeah,” she said weakly, pulling him close so she could kiss him, but he rocked forward ever so gently and all she could do was gasp against his mouth as he pushed her over the edge. “Peter, fuck—”
“Take it,” he told her gently, her hips powerless under his. “Take what’s gonna make you feel good.”
This was just supposed to be a Friday night fling, something to be stupid about with a friend. What were they now? She couldn’t for the life of her imagine how he spoke to someone he was actually in a relationship with, because everything he was saying to her was verging on cataclysmic. Ruinous. Why would she ever want to sleep with anyone other than him again?
Her orgasm rolled over her, crashing like thunder through every part of her body, and she was vaguely aware that she was kissing his face aimlessly, his stubble harsh against her lips but she liked it. It could match how he’d scratched up her thighs. She wanted reminders of what they’d done, and when those faded, maybe she’d just have to find him again. 
“You want more?” he asked as she slowly drifted back into herself. “You need me to keep going?”
“I want more, I want you,” she sighed blissfully, letting her eyes fall shut. “Keep going.”
A growl rumbled through his toned chest and it made her shiver. He rolled his hips into hers and she struggled to breath for just a moment before he began to move in deep strokes that felt hypnotic. Her brain was deliciously empty and all she really knew was him and his mouth on hers and the torturously sweet press of his cock inside her. “You don’t need to think about anything,” he assured her as he ground against her just right. “Just focus on how you feel.”
He kept kissing her while he fucked her, and something about that was so nice that it was messing with her head. She’d thought it was supposed to be two friends using each other to get off, and here he was doing all sorts of extra work. He didn’t make sense. He wasn’t like anyone else she’d ever been with and he was setting the bar way too high for the future. And he was vocal, something she’d always found irritating during sex because it was all smoke and cheesy lines. But Peter was genuine, and everything he was whispering to her in that low voice of his was locking into her head, filed away neatly in little folders. 
“You keep making these sweet little sounds,” he grunted before sucking another mark into the juncture of her throat, and she shuddered when his teeth scored her skin. 
“Because you feel good,” she mumbled, digging her heels into the small of his back. “You feel so good, Peter.” She wanted to thank him for propositioning her but wouldn’t that sound pathetic? Thanks for not letting me get hung up on a loser and for making me feel like my heart’s gonna climb out of my chest? Ugh, that was stupid. All she could do was try to meet him halfway, even though she felt dumb with pleasure. 
“Yeah?”
She smoothed his hair out of his face and nodded, watching his eyes darken in satisfaction, all the honeyed bits fading away as he pulled out of her, kissing her harshly as he lifted her legs up. Both ankles were resting on his shoulder, leaving her bent like a sunflower in a storm. “You good like this? It’s gonna feel good, I promise.”
He’d stated his intentions and stuck to them so far, giving her all his attention and not letting her do anything for him. So if he told her that this would be heaven, she had no choice but to believe him. “I’m good.”
Carefully, he crossed her legs, and plunged back into her with a vulgar groan, somehow stretching her even more around his cock, pressing against something deep inside her that made her calves go rigid. “You’re fucking perfect, aren’t you?”
She was starting to feel sure that this was where she’d die, overloaded with pleasure until she dropped. He could twist her into a pretzel at this point and she’d let him, because somehow he knew her body better than she did. “Right there, like that,” she begged when he hit that spot again, unleashing something powerful inside her; a riptide, a whirlpool, a cyclone. Destructive and relentless and all-consuming, rising in her chest until she began to shake uncontrollably. 
Peter caged her in, his big hands holding her face gently while he fucked her through it. “You feel so good, don’t you?” he asked sweetly, kissing her cheek. “I can feel you tightening up, fuck.”
She had to know. It was killing her. “Why’d… why’d you ask me…” she trailed off, preoccupied by how he’d pulled out and was kissing his way down her stomach, his blond hair catching the light as he made his way between her thighs again, kneeling on the floor and pulling her close. “Peter, wait.”
“What?” he asked distractedly as he kissed her cunt before licking into her, sending a shockwave through her body. 
But she sat up before she could lose her nerve and scooted back, tucking her wobbly legs under her as she tried to catch her breath. “Why’re you doing this?” she blurted out. Her body felt pleasure-heavy, syrupy and humming with electricity and she wanted so badly for him to make her come until she couldn’t take it anymore but she couldn’t stop wondering. “Why’d you ask me to go home with you?”
Peter crossed his arms on top of his rumpled comforter and rested his chin on his wrist. “Maybe I’ve been thinking about you lately,” he admitted quietly, tracing his finger along her knee, and she couldn’t help but wonder again who had been on the receiving end of his busted knuckles. And then his words registered, smacking into her— maybe I’ve been thinking about you lately— and it made her heart flutter a bit. 
“Oh,” she breathed. Flustered again by Peter Parker. She should start a tally.
“Yeah,” he grinned, rising up to kiss her. “Oh.”
Before she knew it, he had her all turned around and she was straddling him, braced against his chest, her fingers spread wide across a big white scar. She jerked back, not wanting to touch something that couldn’t have been anything other than traumatic, but he gently guided her hand back, pressing it over his heart. 
“Doesn’t hurt anymore,” he assured her. “And you can’t hurt me anyway.”
Kissing him felt indulgent and rich, like a luxurious meal she couldn’t afford on her waitress salary, and she got lost in it each time. The sweep of his tongue against hers, the way he nipped at her, the pleased groan that rumbled out of him, all of it was utter sin. And the way he held her face, like she was someone special and deserving. She was so busy melting into him that for a moment, she forgot that he was hard between her thighs and that she was rocking against him shamelessly. 
“Whenever you want it,” he whispered, reaching down to rub a tight circle against her clit, “go ahead and take it.”
“What if I just wanna kiss you all night?”
Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around her, his brown eyes sparkling with amusement. “Then kiss me all night, sweetheart.”
“And what if I want this?” she asked, her words catching between her teeth as she sank down onto him, closing her eyes at the fullness. 
“Smart girl,” he chuckled, grabbing her ass and pulling her forward, setting a quick rhythm that she had no control over. His hands and mouth were all over her tits, kissing and pinching and sucking until she was lightheaded with sensation, collapsing against his chest so she could hide her face in his neck. Any noises she was making were muffled against his shoulder, and she was glad because she wasn’t trying to be quiet. 
“You don’t want my neighbors to hear you?” he teased, thrusting up hard enough that she made some kind of weak sound that she had no control over. “They don’t get to hear those pretty sounds?”
“Just you,” she sighed, enjoying the way his arms were still tight around her, holding her still as he picked up speed. She loved how much he talked, little half-phrases and praise and filth all mixing together, there you go, feel fuckin’ perfect, taking me so well, huh?, fuck, you’re beautiful, and she giggled at that one. 
“What’s so funny?”
“Started at cute and got to beautiful.”
“You’ve always been beautiful,” he replied, kissing the rest of her thoughts away. Who the hell did he think he was, telling her things like that, like it wouldn’t flip her world upside down? She was only human, and it was hard to ignore a guy like him. And if she was honest, she didn’t want to ignore him. She wanted to be selfish and hang onto all his sweet words, make a scrapbook of testimonials from her very good friend Peter Parker. 
Obnoxiously, her thighs began to shake again, from riding him and from nearly painful pleasure. He was gonna have to carry her home if they went much longer.
“Want you to come too.” She dug her nails into his shoulder as a hazy feeling began to sweep through her. “Please?”
“You first.” He cradled her cheek, his palm hot and huge against her. “Will you look at me?”
It was difficult to focus, between the sound of his hips smacking into hers and their harsh breathing. And his eyes, so warm and easy to get lost in, like a gorgeous hedge maze. His thumb dug into her cheek slightly with a gentle hey, you and she blinked rapidly. Everything in her fell apart, her hips going erratic as she tried to ride it out, gasping and clenching and dripping all over his cock. 
“Fuck,” he groaned, holding her hard against him so she couldn’t move, gripping her waist too tight. “Stay just like that, lemme feel you.”
As if she had any control over the aftershocks rolling through her body, to the point where she couldn’t tell which one of them was twitching more. “Come on,” she urged, kissing his neck harshly before returning the mark he’d given her. 
He snapped his hips hard, and she could feel him pulsing inside her as his forehead dropped against her shoulder, his blond hair sticking to his sweaty temples. He slowed down a bit, still fucking her, still hard somehow, and a thread of exhaustion tugged at her but it was overshadowed by the want to stay in the bubble they’d created for just a little bit longer. 
“Keep going,” she whispered, trying to match her hips with his. “Take what’s gonna make you feel good.”
Peter flushed, looking almost embarrassed for a moment before shaking his head ruefully. “Using my own words against me?” He leaned in to kiss her and didn’t stop, keeping her where he wanted as she ground down onto him as best she could. Even though her body ached fiercely and she was sweaty and absolutely soaked between her thighs, she felt so comfortable with him that she didn’t mind. 
She took a page out of his book and encouraged him softly, come on don’t you wanna give it to me again, you feel so good inside me, Peter I want it. She wanted him to be a mess too, groaning and shaking and just on the outskirts of losing his mind. But she didn’t have to wait long this time, and before she knew it he was holding her too tight and kissing her too roughly, his hands squeezing her ass too hard as he came again, mumbling her name against her chest as she kissed the crown of his head, running her fingers through his hair.  
“You didn’t have to do that for me,” he mumbled, gratitude evident in his tone. 
“I wanted to.” She carded her fingers through his thick hair, realizing that he was the only guy she’d met who hadn’t let bleach turn him into a dick.
He kissed her shoulder gratefully, and gently pulled out of her. “Hang on, stay there,” he said, disappearing into the bathroom and coming back with a washcloth. “Sorry about… all of that,” he apologized sheepishly. “I’ve got it.”
Carefully, he pushed her knees apart and began to clean her up. How he still had an ounce of energy left in him was baffling. He was gentle with her, and it turned her into putty. Unsurprisingly, she was sore, and she winced as his fingers brushed against her stubble-burned thigh. 
“Sorry,” he said again, bending in half to press a kiss to her knee before disappearing back into the bathroom for a few minutes. 
Glancing around, she let her eyes wander over some movie posters pinned by the window. His mini fridge was covered in various ticket stubs, and more stacks of books sat next to his bed. Smart guy. Although that wasn’t a surprise to her. 
The question of what now? entered her mind. Should she get dressed and take off and text him in the morning? Or wait to see him in class on Tuesday? Exhaustion whispered to her, and she shook her head, because passing out definitely wasn’t an option.
There wasn’t a lot of time to weigh it out, because he reappeared in a pair of boxers covered in snowflakes, totally inappropriate for March but it somehow worked for him. Grabbing an ESU t-shirt off the top of his dresser, he sat down and handed it to her. She pulled it over her head, and she was sure if she stood up, it would reach her thighs. His arms were tucked against his chest, and he rolled his golden head to the side playfully. “So,” he began, his eyes tracing over her mouth the same way they had in the kitchen, “If you want this to be a one time thing, I totally respect that. I’ll walk you home, and it’s all good between us.”
Her heart sank, just a little. She tried not to let it show. She had a habit of letting pretty words influence her heart, and she felt foolish for putting stock into all the things they’d said to each other. 
“Or,” he continued, spanning his palm against hers, and that or made her breath catch, “It’s my turn to buy coffee. So maybe you spend the night and tomorrow we’ll do that, figure out the rest of your paper, and then figure out each other a little more.”
Disarming was another good word for him. But he was looking very firmly at their joined hands, and it occurred to her it was the first time she’d seen him unsure all night. This was what rattled him: emotional intimacy. 
“I mean,” she began slowly, “you should probably come over to my place this weekend. I still have all your notes, you know.”
He leaned forward with a grunt, rolling his neck. The muscles in his back rippled and she took the opportunity to stare shamelessly. Her fingers twitched and she reached out to gently trace the reddened lines she’d left behind. “You want me to come pick up my notes?” he teased, and she was pleased when he leaned into her touch, like a cat might. “Is that what we’re calling it?”
“Maybe I’ve been thinking about you too,” she whispered, feeling shy for the first time the whole night.
“Ah,” he grinned, leaning in to kiss her. “And here I thought you just liked me for coffee.”
“It’s mostly that,” she replied, jumping when he goosed her playfully. “And the sex was a ten, but I grade on an eleven point scale.”
“Okay, so there’s room for improvement. Anything else?” he asked as she curled up against him.
“Thanks for treating me better,” she said quietly, closing her eyes as he slung an arm around her. “That was really nice of you.”
“I told you, sweetheart,” he yawned, kissing her temple. “You make it easy.”
~
Title comes from Good Looking by Suki Waterhouse. 
Me, writing normal friends to lovers with nothing extra thrown in? Imagine that.
Also, do you know how all my one-shots start? I make a joke about an idea and then I go, “haha ohhh wait” so @liz-allyn pulled this one out of me when we were having a group think about Peter Parker, because Blondrew Garfield is out to get us all. Thanks, you talented angel!
Comments and reblogs make my heart sing 💚 I love hearing what you connected with and enjoyed!
Taglist: @liz-allyn @cordiformity @abibliophobiaa @spidervee @withahappyrefrain @letmeplaytheliontoo @wicked-remarks @rae-gar-targaryen @mortwig @quobber @squiddtheekidd @silkspiderstuff @summertimestyles
Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!
964 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 5 months
Note
I am begging for tasm!peter with his clumsy girlfriend please
“What's that?” 
You jump in surprise, the water in your cup lapping like an angry wave over the rim. Peter laughs, sounding vaguely sorry as he wraps his arms around your shoulders, locking you and your wet hands in tight. Water drips on your socks. 
“It's not even the worst thing that's happened to me today,” you say, sighing. 
“I believe you.” 
Peter turns your face to his for a kiss. His fingertips on your jaw, he feels along the line of a new scratch, and asks into your lips, “How'd you get this?” 
“Folded a jacket too eagerly. The zipper…” You know he's going to kiss you, though how you can tell is explained by a deeper level of intimacy. Maybe the way he breathes, or the slight movement of his fingertips. Whatever it is to clue you in, you close your eyes and kiss him softly. 
“Sorry,” he says when he's left you suitably starstruck, “I'm kissing you and you're standing there in a puddle. Not cool.” 
“I'm not very cool,” you say. You put your glass down and Peter lets you go, leaning down to wipe the puddle up as you take off your wet socks. You almost trip as you pull off the second and Peter puts his hand out to steady you without looking. “Thanks, Pete.” 
“You're welcome.” 
He bins the paper towel while you trek to the bedroom for new socks. You keep a bursting storage box of his and yours mixed under the bed, but when you pull it out the lid isn't on and all the socks at the top roll onto the bedroom floor. You can hear Peter giggling in the kitchen at your misfortune, because he can hear the plopping sound of the socks as they fall. Even if he's rooms away, he can pretty much always hear your accidents. 
“Mean,” you whisper, knowing he can hear that too. 
You shove all the socks back inside, realise you forgot to leave a pair out, and pull three pairs in an attempt to get just the ones. Peter does his boyfriend duty that time and pretends he doesn't hear it, though maybe he's not listening. 
You're sitting on the end of the bed with your new socks finally equipped when he finds you. “Oh, there you are,” he says, like it wasn't obvious, “good. I got some antiseptic for you.” 
The scratch is too small to need antiseptic, in your opinion, but you let him because it'll be nice to be cared for. Peter sits next to you and turns your face to his, smiling when your eyes catch, and frowning as the antiseptic lid pops off to reveal a foil seal.
“I hate these,” he says, needling at the side. 
You take it from him and use your thumb nail to slice it open. The pressure in the tube must've been high, because a moment later pale ointment is bursting out of the spout and painting a curled line on your sweatpants. 
You sigh in defeat. Peter starts laughing, big, shaking, awful pangs of laughter that rock the bed, his face dipping down to your shoulder as the strength leaves him. He finds your hands and squeezes your wrists, giggling and rubbing his thumb into your pulse. “Sorry,” he says weakly, “sweetheart, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I don't know why you have such bad luck, it must be hell.” 
He sounds happy, and it's no big deal. None of this stuff is. You press your lips together to smother a smile as he raises his head. “It's not that bad,” you say, thinking of his nice laugh, the echoes of joy etched into his eyes and their smile lines. “I'll live.” 
His laugh turns slow with affection. “You'll be fine,” he agrees, kissing the corner of your mouth sweetly. 
1K notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 5 months
Note
i just bought the actual cutest spider-man hoodie and now i’m thinking about peter seeing reader wearing spider-man merch !!! <333
The thwack is telling. You hear the splat and your heart jumps out of your chest, that weird wet sound against red-brick wall, and then you realise what it means and start to panic. 
“Hey, woah woah woah!” Peter says, jimmying open your bum window with a too-strong hand. “It's just me, don't panic.” 
You clamber off of the desk chair you're in and rush into the bathroom. 
“Hello?” 
“Two seconds!” you shout, closing the door hard behind you. You can hear the light pad of Peter's footsteps on the floor from the window, but after that he must disguise the weight of them, and you're doubly startled by his knock. “Two seconds, Peter.” 
“Uh… no?” 
You look around frantically. “What do you mean, no?” 
“You're freaking out? Let me in? Like, right now?” 
“None of those were questions.” 
Peter starts to rattle your door handle. “I'll break it!” he threatens, his voice in that funny place where he's joking but not, the same tone he uses to mess with bad guys who underestimate him. You're being teased. 
You pull your shirt over your head just as he opens the door. “Hey, turns out it wasn't locked.” He blinks at you. “Um. Hello to you, too? This isn't the welcome I was expecting.” 
“Cut the smarm. I got, uh. Soup on me.” 
“Soup.” 
You nod fiercely. “So much soup.” 
“You know I'd smell it, right?” he asks, his hair damp with sweat, the mask stuffed in the pocket of his suit and threatening to fall out as he grabs your shirt. His reflexes are too fast to stop him, as he anticipates your movements before they truly happen. 
You stand there in your teeny vest top, crossing your arms over your chest and staring at any spot that isn't his face as he throws out your shirt and takes in the graphic design on the front. 
He looks between you and the shirt smiling like a fool. He laughs, and he tilts his head one way then the other before laughing again. 
“What's so funny?” you challenge. 
“Put this back on,” he says back, matching your demanding tone. “Right now.” 
“No way.” 
“Put it on! You're indecent. Here, I'll help.” 
It's not funny how quickly you lose, shrieking and pushing backwards into the shower as Peter tries to force your arms through the shirt. You laugh as he grabs you and he knows he can keep going, pushing the shirt over your head and his knee between your thighs, and suddenly you've got Spider-Man's emblem on your chest again, the end of the shirt bunched above your stomach. You're both breathless from the scuffle. He stares at your merch. 
“My eyes are up here.” 
“Shut up,” Peter says just as quickly, kissing you hard. A rough and short thing, the glove of his suit on your naked hip. You breathe out in a rush and kiss back, not feverish but getting there, never not happy to feel the seam of his lips parting against yours. He yanks back, “Is this–” 
You kiss him again before he can ask if it's alright. You like a good fight, and it's hard for him to make fun of you for the shirt when you're kissing. He kisses you long enough to make you dizzy, thumb under the hem of your embarrassing apparel. 
He brings his hand to his mouth to bite off his glove and hits the shower with his elbow, a rain of droplets falling from the head like shards of ice down the back of his neck. He pulls away, blinking, and you laugh at his misfortune tauntingly.
“Cold night in Queens?” you ask. 
He wipes at his neck. “Warm for you. You are never taking it off. Never.” 
“What, you like it?” you ask. 
“Just enough to chase you into the bathroom, yeah.” 
“Friendly neighbourhood pervert,” you say happily. 
He wipes his wet hand down your bare stomach. “And his number one fan.” 
3K notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 6 months
Note
Hello again!! (How are u!!)
I saw this thing going around of characters being written with the prompt “who did this to you?” And I think that could be especially delicious with Peter (TASM ofc) 😋 could work as reader being the hurt one or even .. vice versa!! Mayhaps Peter got hurt and the reader is the one to bust someone up, and shows up to class with a broken nose lmao whatever interests you more
- Lots o love 🍁
Thanks for requesting ml!
cw: bloody noses
tasm!Peter Parker x hothead!reader ♡ 878 words
“Just give me a name, Peter!” You’re storming after him, no help at all as your boyfriend pinches his nose closed between his thumb and forefinger, looking around the kitchen for something to stop the bleeding. “Why won’t you tell me?” 
“Because—” Peter finds the paper towels, wadding one up and stuffing it under his nose. “—because I don’t need you running around Brooklyn with a baseball bat over my bruised nose.” 
“It could be broken!”
“I would know,” he says, oddly confident. Peter leans back against the counter, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. Your heart aches to see him in pain, but the blood it’s pumping feels like fire, and you prefer to focus on that. “I appreciate that you want to avenge me, sweetheart, but I can handle myself.” 
You give him a deadpan look even though his eyes aren’t open to see it. “Pete, you know I love you just as you are, but you’re not exactly built like a fighter.” 
“I’m stronger than you think.” 
“Be that as it may,” you go on, rolling your eyes at his macho (and in your opinion, completely delusional) self-assessment, “I want to help.” You move closer to him, placing a hand under his head to support the awkward angle of his neck. Peter opens his eyes to give you a grateful look, and you take the paper towel from him, checking to make sure his nose is still bleeding before putting it gently back in place. “I just want to know who did this to you,” you say softly. “Please, honey?”
Peter eyes you, but you see the endearment taking effect, the slight softening in his features and the twitch his hand gives on the counter, instinctively reaching for you. “It’s not a satisfying answer,” he says after a minute.
“That’s alright,” you encourage him. “I’ll take anything.” 
Peter sighs. “Alright, I didn’t want to tell you because it’s embarrassing.” You feel your eyebrows pinch, but stay quiet. “I saw some guy stealing a lady’s bike in Bushwick, and when I tried to grab it from him, I nailed myself in the face with the handlebars.”  
You feel your eyes go wide, and Peter’s mouth curves on one side in a sheepish half-smile. “That’s not embarrassing,” you say. “You were trying to help. Anyway, it sounds to me like it was the bike thief’s fault.” 
Peter actually laughs, then grimaces, hand flinching toward his nose. “Yeah, I thought you might say something like that. Can’t give you a name there, baby. I was distracted, so all I saw was the back of his red beanie while he was running off.” 
You pout at him, stroking at the skin beside his nose tenderly. “Well what were you gonna do, chase him down? Then you might’ve really gotten beat up.” 
Peter’s cheeks color faintly pink. “Yeah, maybe. Anyway,” he moves on quickly, taking on a satisfied tone, “there’s no one to get revenge on. I did it to myself.” 
You hum noncommittally. “Well, I’m sorry you got hurt.” 
Peter grins, and when he removes the paper towel this time, the bleeding has stopped. “Thanks, pretty girl,” he says in a familiar tone, hands finding your hips and angling them against his. “If you wanna make me feel better, I’ve got some ideas.” 
You do make him feel better. And the next day, you come into class feeling a lot better too. 
“Shit,” Peter hisses when you sit down beside him, reaching over to turn your face towards the light so he can better make out the bruises around your nose and the dried blood still crusted around your nostrils. “What the hell happened to you?” 
You shrug, enjoying the feel of his hands on your face. “You should see the other guy,” you joke (though really, you wish you had thought to take a picture). “Anyway, now we’re matching.” 
“When I said it’d be fun to match at school someday, this is not what I meant,” Peter insists, thick eyebrows knit together worriedly. “And who’s the other guy? Did you find a bike to beat you up too?” 
“Better.” You smirk. “A bike thief.” 
It’s possible you get too much enjoyment out of watching Peter’s face as it slackens, eyebrows moving gradually upward as his eyes widen in realization. “Wha—but, sweetheart, there’s no way you found the same guy! Did you just pick a fight with some random bike thief?” 
“No, I think it was him.” You quirk an eyebrow. “Tall, red beanie, giant tattoo on his neck that of some roman numerals?” Peter’s lips part in wonderment, and you have your confirmation. “I figured those guys usually work in the same area every time. So when I saw a dude with a red beanie stealing a bike in Bushwick, I was pretty sure I had the right guy.” 
“So, what?” Peter scrubs a hand through his hair. “You went and riled him up until he punched you in the face? Baby, what were you thinking?” 
You roll your eyes. “I got even,” you clarify, leaning back in your seat as the bell rings. “Anyway, your nose might just be bruised, but his is definitely broken. Like I told you, you should see the other guy.” 
237 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 6 months
Note
if your still taking requests I would like to request reader scraping their knees and tasm!peter patching her up and it’s a lot of lovely tension:))) maybe r not being used to people touching them without bad intentions.
I hope you are having a lovely time right now and are taking care of yourself<3
thank you lovely! ♡ fem, 1k
Peter's droopy eyed when you knock, less so when he gets a good look at you. Blood leading like twin snakes from the grazed ache of your knees and staining your socks, tears lining your eyes and shiny in the sun, you're embarrassingly sad. He doesn't give you shit for it, the opposite. 
"Fuck," he says, his eyes widening with a familiar concern. "Shit, what did you do?" 
"Uhm," you say, though you know, but you bit your tongue on the way down and everything hurts, "I fell. Someone bumped into me coming out of the subway." 
Peter holds his hands out, thinks better of it and steps down over the door jam to take your hands and pull you forward for a hug. He smells like apple jack cereal and his hair is still wet from an early morning shower, a walking poster boy for brown-haired, brown-eyed sweethearts everywhere, but you still seize at his tight hold. 
He murmurs a sorry and leans back, assessing your gaze, so close that you can see the trifecta of his pinprick beauty marks, one in the shadow of his brow, one under his eye, and one closer to his nose. 
"Come on. We'll clean you up." 
Peter ushers you inside, his fingertips brushing the small of your back. You walk into the kitchen, every surface clean, the wooden dining table decorated by one empty coffee cup and one half full. His cereal bowl has been washed and left to dry on the rack, next to what must've been his Aunt May's plate. 
"May's in work already?" you ask him.
He hums, turned away from you, a slip of his long, shapely back exposed as he reaches for the first aid kit sitting on top of one of the cabinets. "She said to tell you thank you for the flowers last week." 
You panicked so much beforehand. What do you bring for your not quite new friend's mom when you meet her for the first time? You've known Peter for a few months but never had the good fortune to meet May until she demanded it, your bouquet a weak offering. You'd wanted her to like you, because despite your fight or flight whenever he gives you a quick shoulder rub, any ounce of affection, you really like Peter. 
Said flowers draw your attention as Peter helps you up onto the counter. You turn away from him, trembling hands forced under your thighs, and count the petals of a wilting carnation one by one as he washes his hands quickly in the sink beside you before laying out the sterile bandages atop their plastic coverings. "I'm gonna wipe the blood off," he says. 
You're past saying no, I can do it myself. You already let him help you up. The time to protest is passed. 
"Okay." 
He takes your wobbly voice for nervousness, and you are nervous, but not the way he thinks. "I'll be careful," he says. "You don't have anything to worry about." 
Strange but not unheard of for Peter to be so serious. You nod jerkily, waiting for his touch. It doesn't come for a while, and you brave meeting his gaze to find out why. 
His eyebrows are sewn together in concern. His hands land on your thighs, and, to your surprise, you aren't apprehensive. You relax as deft hands draw mirrored lines up and down the outer sides of your legs, leaving a generous distance from the beginnings of your shorts. "Maybe you can take some advil first, if you're worried." He eases your legs apart as he steps into the space between them, his eyes unfailing where they meet yours. "It'll hurt less. I bet I could get some topical numbing cream–" 
"It's not–" You peek down at his chest. "I'm not worried about my knees." 
"Oh. Good," he says, hand coming up to your elbow. He holds it so tenderly you wonder how you ever thought he might have a propensity for anything but tenderness. "You look really nice, under all the blood. Is that weird? That's probably why you fell, you couldn't just walk around looking that nice. Throws off the balance of the universe." 
You laugh softly. "These are my best socks." 
"I can see that!" He squeezes down from your elbow to your hand. You've never been touched like that, half massage, half reassurance, just squeezing you to squeeze you. Laughter livens his tone, "I'll get you new socks." 
"You don't have to do that."
"I want to." 
You struggle to breathe as he cleans your knees. Between his murmuring, It's okay and Almost done, you've no time to feel worried. 
You've time for other things, like this. He turns between your legs and slides a hand under the other, fingertips pressing into the soft underside of your knee as he works a thin layer of disinfecting ointment into your scratches. He continues his murmuring, apologies and lamentation alike. "Sorry. Don't want you catching rabies from the pristine streets of Queens. I mean, fuck, sweetheart, you made a real mess. How hard did you fall?" 
You swallow a lump that feels fit to choke you, worse when he tilts his head ever so slightly your way, face an inch from yours, less. 
"Hard," you say weakly. 
He misses the implication (your first stroke of luck all day), smoothing a large square of gauze over your knee and securing it with medical tape. "It's nothing a day on the couch can't fix. I'll make you breakfast too, free of charge." 
"Thanks, Peter." 
He rubs the skin above your knee. "You're welcome. One horrendous injury down, one to go." 
His touch feels even softer the second time around. 
2K notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 6 months
Text
my love, mine, all mine
based on this drabble : mean!remus
Tumblr media
words: 2.8k
summary: Sometimes is not enough for someone who loves Remus this much. 
warnings: mean!remus x fem!reader !!!! mentions of sex; much angst they both cry, a lot of kisses & a very open ending, situationship blues, remus is a self-deprecating piece of shit!! 
a/n: thank you for the request anon!  i watched the eras tour movie and thought of mean!remus and reader during ‘tolerate it’.... sooo don’t blame me for what you’re about to read. title is from a song by mitski <3 always down to flesh out mean!remus and lovely!reader more if yall want--feel free to send in more requests and comments <3
(posted & edited: 10/15/23)
Sometimes he lets you down easy. You’ve memorized his face by now, every minuscule detail and the way it hardens when he makes up his mind. Remus is very deep set in his ways, a creature of habit forced by the resolution of hiding in the nighttime, waiting for the darkness within himself to find him under the light of the full moon. You know the whisper of a smile that dances across his face when he sees you, the way a scar kisses his brow when you surprise him, the mechanical tightness of his jaw when he dissociates himself from your embrace.
There’s a particular way his eyes drop that resembles falling snow and it tells you that he’s about to let you down again, buried under him and his excuses. It’s heavy. You wonder how someone so gentle, so fragile can leave you feeling cold, but you bare yourself to him anyway, trudging through the hope that whatever is between you can be more than sometimes. You know him intimately, wholeheartedly. But does he know you? Sometimes is the keyword here, and yet it is tiring, all of the time.
Your breaking point had to have been something big, something explosive. It had to, or why else would this facade have lasted so long? Why did you let him? Perhaps it was when he kissed your neck after Potions, asking to meet up after dinner. He moved away before you could follow him out into the corridor and joined his friends instead. The boys looked back at you, wanting to wait but Remus kept walking on. Or maybe it was when you woke up in his bed again, his side cold and your clothes folded properly at the edge. Remus was propped against his desk, mumbling that he had a very busy day ahead, and the silence that followed was enough to make you leave. Always good enough to bed, but never wanted by morning. It’s best to act like he wasn’t the one who asked you to stay.
None of those moments ruined your perception of him though. It was the lightest feather touch of a reaction that shattered the glass. He was walking you back to your common room after prefect duties, and you squeezed his hand gently, swinging it back and forth.
“D’you want to study for midterms tomorrow in the library? We could try to get that little table in the corner you like…” you said nudging his shoulder. He sighed, and his breath was hot against the crisp winter air as it landed on your cheek. Remus’s silence was your answer, and of course, it hurt. You’d do anything for a half-assed utterance to fill the shrill noise of your hope filling the space between you right about now. But this time was different though. This time he truly didn’t care. Remus looked at you with dead eyes, his mind somewhere far from where you were standing with him.
“Not this time, lovely.” The boy was tired, and so were you. The physicality of it was apparent in the way his posture hung low, and the way your shoulders fell from the emotional avalanche that his lack of effort pushed down on you.
“It’s okay. I hope you get some rest then.” Your eyes study his face, gliding from the crinkle of his temples to the scar on his nose and the freckles across his cheeks. He grimaces at your response. You wonder if any part of him hurts like this too. 
“Will I see you before we leave for winter break? Maybe you have time during the holiday.” Remus speaks quietly as if he’s the one being inconvenienced.
“Maybe,” you say. He makes a noise in recognition of that, nodding with his eyes closed. Stepping away from him, you turn to walk away before he’s behind you, lips against your hair.
“M’sorry.” He mumbles, breathing you in like wafting amorentia. His hands are shuffling through his pocket before he pulls out the wool mittens his mother knit for him the year prior. 
“Shouldn’t let your pretty fingers freeze in the cold.” He puts them on you daintily snapping the buttons closed, his nose against your ear. The corridor is silent alongside the slow thud of your heart. You walk away wordlessly, shoulders pinched like a chill has traveled down your spine.
Remus doesn’t see much of you in the days before winter break. Between studying for exams and his monthly run-in with the moon, there isn’t much time to catch his breath. He knows the hold he has on your heart is a devastatingly gory scene. You’ve let him in deeply as he burrows in every fang and claw he has to offer you. And in turn, he takes what he can grab with his razor-sharp touch. He tries earnestly to be gentle but the more of you he caresses, the more blood he has to mop up. 
His fingers are tapping on his forearm methodically as he waits for you outside of Transfiguration. Sorting through his thoughts as he waits for the rest of the class to finish the exam, Remus’ mind always falls back to you. Love is difficult, like many other aspects of his life, you see. He knows he loves his parents and his friends, but it makes him uncomfortable, much like someone undergoing anaphylaxis, to be honest with you. To lay himself out vulnerably to someone like you…He’s worried he’ll scare you off.
Students trickle out of McGonagall’s classroom, and you step out with your friends in tow, babbling about the exam. The feeling crawls up his throat as he tries to say something, but air and any coherent thought escapes him. What he feels for you has been making him do that a lot lately.
“Hey lovely.” he blurts out, body turning as he pushes off the wall in an attempt to catch your eye. But you keep rambling with your friends, throwing an arm over your roommate as you hardly spare him a glance. It’s not until your group reaches the end of the corridor that you look back at him for half a second, lashes fluttering as you turn back to your friends. And his heart is growing desperate, swelling, sighing as you continue to walk away.
You left for winter break without saying goodbye. The letters that he made his owl Nougat deliver to your bedroom window almost every day had you running out of treats to give her when she’d try to nip you for sending her back emptyhanded. Poor thing is getting fat. 
Your mother is so intrigued by your behavior that one night as you feed your baby brother a spoonful of mashed potatoes, she asks you something you’ve been wondering yourself.
“Honey, do you have a boyfriend?” The silverware clinks against your plate as you contemplate the answer. How do you explain this to your mother? How do you explain him? Has he hurt you so much that you bare your soul to her in hopes that she’ll put her work away and listen? Yes, but you let him, the little voice in your head says, so the guilt inside you keeps your response prompt.
“I don’t think so,” you say, your lips drawn tightly. Your brother spits out some mash and it dribbles down his chubby cheek as he laughs at the sight of you making faces at him. 
“What a mess, darling. Best clean it up.” You watch your mother’s eyes flit across your face instead of his before she says no more and goes back to cutting into her roast chicken. The napkin across your lap is wiped across his tiny face as you swallow hard.
What a mess, indeed.
After washing the dishes and excusing yourself, you crawl into bed staring at the ceiling. The moonlight shines brightly, a beam of light reflecting on the pile of unopened letters on your nightstand. Turning towards the wall, you shut your eyes and try to fall asleep.
You dream of him often. And in your dreams, he’s always just a little bit out of reach, always running away as you trip over snow-covered cobblestone, arms extended toward him. Though these dreams plague you, the realization hits that dreaming of him is better than your reality. In your dreams, your love is still pure and untouched. When you close your eyes you let yourself be the girl who was hoping at the beginning of it all. 
—-
The day after Christmas a pair of tiny hands shake you awake. Your eyes shift open to see your three-year-old brother peering up at you, hands tangled in your duvet.
“Your fwend is outside,” he whispers almost comically loud as you rub the sleep from your eyelids.
“What?”
“Your fwend is outside. I saw him in the window. He looks cold, sissy.”
You scoop him in your arms, carrying him back into his room and tucking him under the covers before you shuffle out front, watching Remus lean against his beat-up car. Throwing your coat on, you walk down your driveway, meeting him in a flurry of hot breath and cautious smiles.
“You’re not Nougat,” you say, raising an eyebrow at him as you stop short at his feet, crossing your arms.
“She’s almost too fat to fly now. Thought I’d get a message to you myself.” he chuckles, and it makes you remember why you liked him in the first place.
“Fancy a ride?”
He props the door open for you, hand ghosting the curve of your back. As you step past him to take a seat, he pulls you in for a kiss. It makes your knees tremble, having deprived yourself of everything about him for the past few weeks. The kiss sucks you in deeper as you anchor yourself onto the nape of his neck, and he’s moaning into your mouth. You hope your little brother isn’t watching through the window.
He drives you around in silence, neither of you knowing what to say. The heat is on high as he finally stops at the park, and he looks over at you. This time last year, he taught you how to drive here, both of you anxious for two different reasons—you trying not to crash and him discerning if you like him back. You both had sex in the backseat after you got the hang of it, windows fogged up and steamy. 
“Did you read my letters?” he starts, and you sigh before the end of his question. “No,” you mutter, looking out the window.
“Hey…What’s on your mind?” His fingers pull at your chin for you to look back at him, and you jolt back like he hurt you. You lean forward, pressing your palms into your eyes, breathing hard. He’s looking at you like he knows what’s coming, but he still hopes it’s not true. A boy made from Hope and of hope, that’s all he is. But it hurts to hope though. It hurts to hope for more when he knows he’s pushed you past your limits.
“There’s only so much you can expect of me, Remus. I’m just not sure I can do this anymore,” you whisper.
“Do what?” His voice is desperate and he’s hoping you won’t end this, even though you’re well in your right to do so.
“This. Whatever this is. Sometimes it feels like we’re together, but I know we’re not, and um… I’ve lost the plot. You’ve cut me too deep, Remus.” Your bottom lip is trembling as you croak out the words feeling sorry for yourself.
Remus leans his head against the window, knuckles white as he clutches the steering wheel. He’s going to lose you, and he’s petrified. 
“Look, if this is because I haven’t spent time with you at sch–”
“It is. But not just that. There are many reasons,” you cut in, your head tilting as you look at him. “You don’t make time for me, you’re embarrassed to be seen with me half the time. You act like I’m your girlfriend and Remus, you lie, constantly. I can’t keep up with what you throw at me and it’s too much, okay? I’ve let you hurt me for too long.” You get through most of it without hiccupping, but he can’t do anything but watch as you wipe your tears away.
“Do you love me?” he pleads, and if he’s ruined it all by asking that, he can’t tell. His hands run through his hair and he thinks he’s ripped to you pieces at this point. The carnage of the truth sits in his passenger seat as you sit there motionless, staring out the windshield.
“That doesn’t make me yours, Remus. It never has. My love is mine. That’s the only thing you can’t take away from me.”
Remus chokes on a sob as he watches your resolve harden. The windows are fogging up and it’s getting hard for him to breathe.
“I’m so sorry…I just don’t even know how to tell you th—”
“That you have lycanthropy?” Somehow hearing it from your mouth doesn’t scare him. This confession and your candor makes the shame he’s carried with him all these years feel lighter.
“You can say it how it is, lovely. I’m a werewolf. I– The moon shows me who I really am. A monster. I-shouldn’t…I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.”
Your hand brushes against his cheek, pressing the tears into the indents of your fingertips as you wipe away his sorrow. He does hurt like you do. And you’d take it all away if you could. 
“A monster doesn’t worry about if they hurt people they love. You didn’t mean to hurt me, did you?”
He sniffs, wiping his nose with his sweater as he shakes his head. Both of you brush over the notion of love. There is a time and place for that, and it sure as hell isn’t right now. He’s being vulnerable to you for once, so you tell him what he needs to hear. 
“You’re not a monster, Remus. You have a big heart, and you’re wonderfully sweet, but sometimes your actions hurt. I know….everything about you. And from the reasons I can’t do this anymore, lycanthropy isn’t even in the top 10.” You lean towards him, noses touching.
“But I never said I regret it.”
You wish you could find better words to tell him he’s not as damned as he thinks he is. That anyone is deserving of love, especially him, but it’s hard to convince him that. Remus surges the small distance to meet your lips, and you can’t help but indulge, because if he’s damned then so are you, pulling him over the console as he sighs in relief. 
—-
Later, he drives you home, one hand on your thigh rubbing circles as you watch his side profile, less taut, but without a smile. The secret’s out, and there’s not much left to do but navigate the bloodbath. He hopes that he’s able to pick up the pieces and do you right. Remus pulls into your driveway and the car engine rumbles lowly as you sit, unmoving.
The door unlocks and he waits for you to make a move. Your hand glides over the door handle before you turn instead to look at him and his hand is extended towards you, a millimeter away from yours.
“I really am sorry. For treating you like shit.” he sighs.
“I know.” A smile graces your lips as you lean in and you kiss him again tenderly, once, then twice. It soothes the tightness of his jaw and he hopes you don’t hate him after all of this. The passenger door opens, and you climb out and look at the sky. It’s snowing. He watches you standing there, snowflakes sticking to your hair. 
“I do love you, Remus,” you admit, biting your lip. “Isn’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” The laugh that follows is humorless, his eyes wide as you shut the door. Trudging your boots through the snow, a shiver wracks your body. You peek back at the car once you get in the house and give him a kind smile before you step in.
Remus sits there with the weight of your devotion. Brave in all aspects but love, he hopes you can wait a little longer for him to catch up. For now, his eyes fall to the passenger seat as he shifts the gear into reverse. His wool mittens occupy the seat. Your hands must be cold again.
taglist: @jsjcue
—-
“Sometimes, home is not a home, but a claw lodged inside you. A river you step into because it holds light. You are waist deep, wading in what mauls you.”
-Athena Nassar
358 notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 7 months
Text
broom closet
tasm!peter x reader
summary: is a closet a good spot for a makeout sesh?
warnings: i’m not sure what’s wrong with me :))
Tumblr media
*
you’re not even sure how you’ve managed to find this small room. how you grabbed peter before he could protest, or any slight qualms you might’ve had could come to mind.
you’re not sure where you are in the building, or what you just knocked over.
but honestly, you don’t really care.
how can you when peters hand is keeping you close, and his breath is keeping you dizzy?
“peter,” you whisper into him, pushing yourself up. your neck is already aching, but peters hands are very helpful—and needy, grabbing you and keeping you to him.
he won’t allow an inch. he would stop the atoms making up any distance between the two of you if he could. he would break physics just to glue you to him.
but he doesn’t say anything back—doesn’t really need to—only hums into your mouth, his kisses leaving a burning feeling in your belly.
you’re not even sure what you meant to say. you shake your head mindlessly, moving backward into the wall.
your hands are in peters hair, your fingertips brushing his scalp and making him groan.
“this is a terrible idea,” he says, whispering viciously into you. his hands are everywhere, his hands are not enough.
“you say that,” you pull yourself up against the wall, trying to keep pace with him. “like i put any thought into this.”
he smiles against you, tilting his head so you both get a moment to breathe, tiny little gasps like hymns you’ve just written. but almost as soon as he pulls back, his lips are on your jaw, around the side of your cheek to your ear. “so this wasn’t your plan for tonight?”
his breath is hot and you can barely breathe.
“not here,” you say, keeping your eyes plastered shut so you don’t have to look at him and his self satisfied smirk. “not now.”
it’s almost a whine.
“you just happened to know where this broom closet was…” he whispers it and bites at your earlobe.
you push his face away, pulling at his hair again. “you just happened to push me into it…”
“you just had to put your hair up,” he groans and takes it down. his hands are evil as they curl around the back of your neck.
you lean back and breathe, licking your lips. “sorry,” you finally look up at him, your eyes close enough to tease. “i forgot that haphazardly thrown up hair is your weakness.”
“no,” peter shakes his head, his eyes looking from yours to your lips, his breath hot enough to burn. “you’re my weakness.”
you want to make fun of him, but you’re too busy leaning in to bite him again. peter doesn’t mind, only uses one of his hands to keep your back straight, and leans into you.
his kisses are teasing, just subtle hints at what he knows you want. one peck there, and another one to hell.
you’d gladly burn yourself alive if he would kiss you properly.
“peter,” you warn, but he is innocent, and his cheeky mouth just continues to prod.
you push yourself up onto your toes, pulling him down to you, but he doesn’t relent. his hand moves to your chin, helping and killing you. you whine into his pathetic kisses.
“what?” he says, pulling back just so he can pout at you. “did you want something?”
you scowl and push him back, trying to take over this small room, to devour his lips before he gets the chance to notice.
but peter is still smiling.
you almost squeal when he pushes you again, back against the wall so he can prop you up.
“you’re being too loud,” peter scolds, his voice low and smooth, and completely breathless. “someone’s going to wonder what the brooms are getting up to when they’re unsupervised.”
“you’re the lookout,” you tell him, your hands going to his jaw, keeping his eyes on you. “you listen for anyone coming, spider-man.”
peter scoffs and shakes his hand. one of his fingers trails the skin by your lips, tickling and teasing. “do you think any of my senses are working right now?”
he subtly puts the blame on you, but you smile. “let’s test that.”
you press your forehead against his, lips brushing and breath meshing. “touch,” you whisper, kissing him slowly, not a sound coming from either of you.
you are deadly silent, and you let the kids linger until you feel peters eyelashes fluttering against your cheek.
then you pull back, minimally. you tilt your head. “taste,” you kiss him again, deeper and harder, like you want him to fall back and have both of you falling to the ground. but before that can happen, you ask “good?” against him.
you can feel it when he swallows. then nods.
“what else should we test?” your lips move to the corner of his mouth, then his jaw. “sight,” you say, trailing upwards, “sound.” your nose brushes his cheek, while your lips kiss above his eyebrow. “smell.”
but after a moment too long—you lingering and peter breathing harshly against your neck—he makes a low sound in the back of his throat, and pulls your face back down, kissing you hungrily.
if he burns, you burn.
you kiss back, though smiling against him, feeling that familiar ache in your chest. a testimony to how small this broom closet is.
*
2K notes · View notes
deadpige0n · 7 months
Text
Drunken Monologues
Certified Mind Blower
remus lupin x gender neutral!magical!reader
fluff fluff pure fluff with a tiny sprinkle of Remus being silly about his furry little problem.
Remus Lupin is the cutest cutie that ever did cute!
You fell asleep at his house, in his bed, beside him. Despite what your ‘drunken’ self may have wanted Remus just put you to sleep. Then, you wake up to the sound of his voice and to the scent of something sweet. Oh, and a splitting headache.
haii did you miss me i bet you did (lots of love lilac)
ps i think this picture is super cute because my best friend taught me how to play backgammon and i’m shit at it but it makes me happy :333 matt hitt is so cute
Tumblr media
Remus Lupin has been and always will be unbearably pretty. So, when you woke up in his bed, it was a bit of a shock. However, that shock was soon overcome by the consequences of your previous actions. ‘Ow, my head.’ you thought, groaning once again. You were certain you hadn’t been that drunk, but maybe you were in denial. Not being that drunk should not warrant this awful headache. Suddenly, it dawned on you. You were alone in the bed. Surely Remus wasn’t the type to fuck off from his own house just because he wasn’t interested in you, right? Right? Sitting up, another sensation other than the splitting headache hit you. The smell of pancakes and the sound of Remus’s voice. Yum (for both). He’s talking, was he on the phone? You wanted to groan again, feeling like it was too much energy to move to the lounge. However, for more of Remus, you’d do anything.
“I’d say sorry Pads,” Sirius from last night, you remind yourself “But, I’m not sorry at all. They’re lovely, absolutely perfect.” he said, his voice muffled slightly by the walls. You can’t hear Sirius’s voice but you imagine he said something along the lines of ‘Honestly Moony, never expected that from you,’. As you had this thought, it set in he was talking about you. Fuck. Your face flushed and every single thing you’d said last night popped into your head. Late night slideshows of embarrassment now had enough fuel to last a life time. Padding out of the bedroom, you stood in the doorway to the lounge.
“Dunno why you’re so bothered, heard you went home with someone else anyway, Mckinnon was it? Or perhaps the bartender guy, who couldn’t leave you alone?” Remus said, chuckling down the phone. You were glad Sirius wasn’t bothered by your infatuation with his friend, seeing as he’d gone home with someone else. In front of him, two plates of pancakes were being coated in strawberries and chocolate spread. Sirius shouted so loud down the phone that you actually heard it this time.
“‘Cause it was a fucking betrayal Remus!” he whined and you couldn’t help but giggle at his remark. Immediately, the tall boys head whipped round and he flashed you a smile.
“Good bye Sirius.” he replied, hanging up instantly. “Made breakfast, how long have you been awake?” he asked, still grinning at you; you smiled back.
“Not long, thanks for breakfast. Looks good.” you said, trying desperately hard not to fumble over your words. Your cheeks were still flushed and your brain was still mush.
“You alright, love? Y’look- quite red. How’s your head?” he questioned, as though he could read your mind. The statement ‘you look quite red’ was obviously a teasing one. So, when you frowned up at him, his grin only grew. Stomach twisting, you tried desperately hard not to give him a reaction to his pet name.
“I’m fine, thanks. Plus, you’re completely and utterly awful.” you complained, still frowning up at him.
“I made you breakfast and I’m awful. You were a lot braver last night.” he teased, picking up the two plates and placing them down on the breakfast bar.
“I remember you being a lot less mean last night.” you complained, still scowling at him. Your false anger didn’t last long as you sat down and gave a big smile. “Thank you.” you added, tilting your head.
“ ‘m incredible, dunno what you’re talking about. And, you’re welcome. How’d you sleep?” he replied, sitting down next to you and stretching out his legs. He was so unbelievably pretty, even with messy hair and too big pyjamas - which consisted of a band shirt and joggers.
“Really, really well actually. You? Oh, by the way. Sorry about, you know, everything I said last night. I’m not normally like that.” you mumbled in between bites of freakishly good pancakes. Chocolate spread and strawberries were an unmatched combo (only lemon juice and sugar could beat it).
“Slept well too. Plus, quite enjoyed you telling me how, ahh what was it? Fucking gorgeous you think I am. But, seriously, no worries.” Remus teased, but his tone deepened at his last sentence.
“I feel like I forced my way into your home.” you giggled, smiling over at him sheepishly.
“I’m not complaining. Y’lovely. I know you heard me say that to Sirius, by the way. You don’t really have the whole poker face nailed, do you?”.
“No, no not really.” you mumbled, becoming flustered once again. Watching Remus, you admired his every move as he finished off the pancakes. Similarly, he couldn’t take his eyes away from you. “Let me help, like do the washing up or something.” you said, standing up as soon as you finished the food “I feel bad, you’ve been so nice.”.
“You really don’t have to, but, if you want to you can.” he stated, smiling over at you as you took the plate away. Quickly, you got to work on washing the plates. He laughed lightly as he watched you, shaking his head.
“Are you laughing at me?” you asked, feigning offence. Approaching you, Remus placed his arms on either side of you. You turned around, having finished with the washing up. His face was only a few inches away from your own.
“Would never.” he defended, looking down at you. Remus Lupin was ridiculously tall, pretty and charismatic. He dressed like a loser, but was in fact - in your eyes - quite the opposite. Right now, he was all you had ever wanted.
“Hi.” your mind was at a complete blank and the fact you had even formed a word was impressive. Your body felt like it was on fire.
“Hello, dove.” he purred, trying hard not to laugh at the look on your face. As calm as Remus presented himself, he had a dead giveaway. A tell. White knuckles. He was gripping the sink so tightly his knuckles had altered into a pale, almost translucent white.
“You didn’t kiss me yesterday.” you stated, feeling it rather appropriate for the situation. He smiled. You swallowed, hard.
“No, I didn’t. You were quite drunk. However, it would be awful of me to not kiss you today.” he murmured in response, leaning closer in. Your mind was filled with a repetitive sequence of two words. Kiss me. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me. His teasing was criminal. He was driving you insane within the first day of knowing him and you couldn’t imagine the solace his kiss would bring.
“So awful,”. You had to bite your tongue to avoid begging him to kiss you.
Moving even closer towards you, Remus’s tight grip on the sink never once faltered. And, finally, sweet relief. He kissed you like you’d never been kissed before. Soft, sweet and somehow it held a passion that sent your brain into a wicked frenzy. When he pulls away, you pant.
It was good. Too good. Far too good.
“You’re so pretty, ‘s unfair.” he cooed, releasing the sink and running his hand through your hair. Tenderly, he tucked the majority of your unbrushed hair behind your ears. Remus didn’t really seem to mind the mess.
“Ha-ha. Haha.” you said. Yes, you spoke the sounds “Ha-ha.” Sounding somewhat like a maniac, all you could do was look up at him with pure adoration.
“Are you okay?” he asked, tilting his head. Once again, he was trying desperately hard not to laugh.
“Perfectly- Um, perfectly fine.” you confirmed, nodding your head as you spoke. Once again, the broken record spinning that was in your mind began its maniacal chant. ‘Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me.’ you begged, silently.
“Still not got a poker face, dove.” he observed, leaning back in. Connection. Morning breath and all. Connection. You were praying you wouldn’t collapse of the sensation of it all. Your hands shakily found their way into Remus’s hair. Carelessly, his hands moved to your waist and pulled you closer.
In books it’s common for the writer to describe the characters emotions whilst kissing; it emphasises how good the sensation truly is. However, right now, you were going against all laws of literature. All you could think, feel or live was Remus. One day was all it took for you to be whipped. Truly, taken. One day.
With your head tilted upwards and your body pressed flush against the brown haired man’s, you could’ve died. Unfortunately, he pulled away. Taking in slow deep breaths, he peered down at you. The look in his eyes was different. He had attraction and affection, sure. But, there was something else there. His expression changed, now matching the look in his eyes. It looked like he was fighting some sort of battle with himself.
And, honestly? Remus was fighting a battle. He liked you, from what he could tell anyway. He liked you a lot. However, Remus Lupin was burdened with a curse he wouldn’t dare admit to anyone bar his closest friends. His so called furry little problem actually turned out to be a rather large problem. Especially when it came to people like you.
Famously, he was promiscuous. God knows the number of people he’d been with. But, those hookups could be reduced to a number. Someone like you couldn’t be inconsequential. In fact, he was of the firm belief you were going to be quite consequential in deed. Reducing you to another quick affection fix would be doing you a great disservice, so Remus thought anyway. So here he was, in his own kitchen, desperately pleading with his own brain to let him take you out. You kissed like some sort of God and you begged like a desperate follower; his body couldn’t decide which part of you he liked the most. In turn, that was what led to the ultimate decision to ask you out. Reminding himself of James, Sirius and Pete’s never ending pep talks, the lanky man understood his lycanthropy did not make him any less worthy of what he wanted. However, trying to act on that was an unbelievably difficult task for Remus. The typical excuse of chronic pain won’t cut it in a serious relationship, when he disappears for days. And, he felt a pang of guilt already fiddling with his intestines for any pain it would bring you. Making his mind up was proving to be far more difficult than he would’ve liked.
His heart won the fight, for once. Foolishly, he had put his logic driven brain aside and let his heart do the talking. (He’d soon come to realise it wasn’t foolish at all).
“Do you wanna go out, this week sometime?” he asked, continuously taking the lead. Grateful, you smiled up at him.
“Yeah, actually. I’d really, really like that.” you affirmed, once again nodding your head like a babbling idiot.
167 notes · View notes