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Thoughts on Ted Bundy?

Well like any other cruel, callous serial killer taking and ruining lives for his own selfish sexual gain, he was a deranged piece of shit and I’m glad he’s dead.

What’s most frustrating is that up until his death (as shown in his final on-screen interview) he really did refuse to take responsibility for what he’s done and failed to really show that he understood the gravity of it; this is not exactly surprising considering he is a psychopath and cannot tap into empathy or guilt the same way normal people do, but for as smart a guy as he was, he was so narcissistic that even when faced with his inevitable and justifiable doom, he could not break the facade of being a perfect, albeit corrupted, boy from a wonderful family who was just perverted by the evils of pornography.

Because he was smart, he knew how to frame his words to address what “normal” people wanted to hear; he feigned responsibility but it was so veiled under his critique of violent pornography being the one catalyst for him to go out and commit unspeakable horrors onto innocent women. He’s a coward and his reputation as the “charming ladies man” of the serial killer popular group is pretty sickening. 

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Hey doll. I've always loved makeup and have enjoyed it as a creative outlet. However, I've realized that I've become dependant on it over the years. I love the idea of it but I can't bear to leave the house without a full mug. I find myself envying friends who go for natural, simple looks. I've done this for so long that I don't look like myself anymore without it. As a girl who wears heavy makeup do you ever experience these rough patches with beauty?

Hello!!

I completely identify with absolutely everything you’ve said. I really do feel like I look my best with every aspect of my face perfected with cosmetics by my own hand, and I have a confusing relationship with it that I even discussed in therapy. One part of me feels very empowered when I can turn myself into what I want to be, and I think this comes from seeing my bare self not as unattractive but as a far too vulnerable version of myself. It’s a coping mechanism as well as an enjoyable outlet for my creativity, and I wonder, why can’t it be both of those things? Is that inherently wrong?

My personal idea of beauty is different from what I’d say the average is: I love glamour, I love exaggeration, and because I naturally don’t have all the exaggerated features I like seeing in myself, I create them. I do feel you and wish some days I could feel as bomb about myself with nothing but a little lip gloss on, but that’s not where I am.

 I know it goes deeper, and I know my chidhood is connected somehow (I see myself as a child when I see myself with no makeup and I don’t like seeing that but feeling like I’ve grown so far past that, for better and worse).

I am actually writing a personal essay sponsored by a beauty brand (of all things!) about my journey to accepting the “high maintenance” aspect of myself, my conflicts with it, and my ultimate position that each woman is on her own journey and she is in total control of how she wants to move forward in her own skin. That should be up sometime mid-October. So, I’ll leave you with this: pick up a copy of “The Beauty Myth” by Naomi Wolf. Write down your thoughts about makeup and beauty, the good and the questionable. What about you FEELS different wearing makeup vs. how do you FEEL not wearing any, and just kind of explore it for yourself. I don’t think there is one right or wrong way to inherently view cosmetics: I don’t agree that it’s 100% harmless expressive fun and I don’t agree that it’s a tool of oppression to uphold the patriarchy. I think it is whatever you need it to be and it is a tool, and like any other tool, you can use it for its purpose, or you can use it for something bad. 

Try to not be hard on yourself. Practice touching up a little less, maybe try a more natural eye look one day. You’re in control and your happiness is what matters most in this realm <3

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May you please do a makeup tutorial. Your makeup always looks on point and is amazing and I’m curious as to what kind of products you use :)

I am actually thinking of finally doing on in October!!! It’s scary because I know I am not doing everything the totally correct way and my makeup artist friends may be horrified at some of my techniques, but I really love sharing my favorite products with other makeup lovers so thank you for the encouragement <3

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Follow on for your headshot question; pushing your tongue to the roof of your mouth “thins out” your neck, reducing the dreaded double chin/fat effect

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Do you follow specific diets?

I do not! In general though, since I don’t exercise a bunch on the reg other than walk a ton (and I sit at a desk for 8 hours on weekdays) I have to consider that I will put on empty weight if I consume way more than my less intense lifestyle needs. So really, my diet boils down to proper portions for ME. 

Every body is incredibly, incredibly different, and through my experiences I’ve learned that it’s never an actually good idea to start someone else’s diet without consulting your doctor based on your bloodwork and general stats. Working with a nutritionist is even better. So for me, taking fish oil supplements and cutting down on carbs messes with my hemoglobin and makes other things in my body get outta whack, so even if I see visual “results”, they’re useless if they’re costing me a smooth engine under the hood.

BUT, I think broad advice to go by until you can get more insight to your own bodily needs, is remembering portions are 50% and nutrients are 50%. When I began recovering from anorexia, I just thought that ANY calories would be fine, as long as I got enough of them. But calories are complex and have everything to do with what comprises those calories-- a balanced diet is not just eating proper portions in relation to your activity level, but making sure the nutrients can work in tandem with each other and your body, not against one another. An example is having fiber in your diet when you also have sugar in your diet; with just one and not the other, your body has to overcompensate and this leads to stuff getting out of whack. 

This whole keto diet freaks me out because it’s fucking NOT normal! Diabetics literally have to work hard to avoid having their body go into ketosis because it is a last resort for the body, it is not a normal function. It’s crash dieting, not a longterm solution. 

Eat what you love, but in moderation. When you wanna have a crappy dinner, have a healthy, nutrient-rich breakfast and lunch. Be mindful of snacking, or if you are a midnight snacker like me, load your house with healthy, light snacks that won’t be hard to digest overnight, like baby carrots or rice cakes. At the end of the day, it really isn’t about calories, because thin people can consume huge amounts of calories and stay thin if that’s what their body does: it is about nutrient-rich, balanced foods that work for your body in portions that do as well.

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How many people have you dated so far? How often? What’s the right age to settle down?

So far I’ve had 4 serious relationships and one less long-term but still monogamous relationship, and have not really dated casually until recently! I tend to get into monogamous relationships quickly and those last for a while, but I’ve grown up to no longer dive from one right into the next, as this isn’t ultimately a healthy thing for me. 

It’s fine to be someone who finds themselves in a relationship more than being single, but if you come to realize that you’re with them because it’s comfortable and you simply don’t want to be alone and aren’t really growing, it’s time to suck it up and be single.

I’m only recently opening myself up to dating, because in these months I’ve become so content with myself, my career, my health and my life that I know if I were to meet someone to become serious with, I’d be bringing my best self to the table, and know how to expect that they bring theirs as well.

I don’t think there is any age one MUST settle down, if they even choose to! Many people I admire never got married, never settled down, never had kids, never grew old with a partner. As much of a romantic as I am, I do believe that the idea that your life is lesser if you don’t eventually settle down is harmful and only serves to prompt people to SETTLE because they think they are running out of time. Live your most authentic self, always keep growing and learning from mistakes and failures, be open-minded, enjoy what comes to you and accept what leaves you. 

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So one hopeless romantic to another. I’m knee deep in upper 20’s, attractive and decent at getting whatever it is I want. I grew up with nothing and found love as a noble escape. I’m about 9 months out of a relationship that spanned the country multiple times and both coasts and at the tail end of one of those high fidelity what does it all mean phases. My issue is.. that movie was trash and the book was worse. Any advice for finding love in your late 20’s when you’re pretty and self spoiling?

you seem to be very self-aware and your creativity flows from the words of a simple ask-- you are going to be just fine. I identify with you in many ways; I have been single for about 6 months and of course as a romantic, you do feel like as good as life is, a life without love is like a cake without its frosting. You feel more complete and secure with love. 

But so far in these last months of being single and actively maintaining being single, I have become so fucking at peace with myself and my life in a way I don’t remember being when I was in a relationship. This tells me that I was following a narrative that was based on who I was, not who I am in the present, and realizing this helps me lose some of the tragedy of being so romantic, because it isn’t necessary to be in love with another to see just how rose-tinted life can be. I fell back in love with myself when I stopped playing into the narrative I wrote for myself, realizing that I might have outgrown it.

And now, opportunities of love and growth are coming to me naturally. Enjoy being pretty, creative, magnetic and romantic. You only end up alone with those traits by believing you aren’t truly worthy of someone’s love, or aren’t truly capable of loving someone human.

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Hi Mandy. Have you ever had a friend who worried about any of your own quirks or eccentric aspects when out in public? As if they are scared they may catch some sort of conflict or negativity from others because of you? I have a friend who acts like this around me a lot. In the spirit of honesty I can be a bit of a shock jock at times. But instead of my friend saying "talk to him not me" he gets prude like. Anyway, I hope that makes sense. Hope your summer has been good!

Aw, I am sorry that your friend is acting like that to you. Have you brought this up to them? Sometimes people truly don’t realize how their actions are coming off or making someone feel, so it’s important to communicate. If they get defensive or try to justify their actions after you said it makes you feel like you can’t really be yourself, that is a friendship red flag.

I personally am very lucky to be able to surround myself with people who accept me and who make me feel totally free to be my authentic self. There is always a level of compromise in friendships so it’s not unheard of to be aware of certain things to respect certain people’s comfort levels, but if you feel judged by that friend or like they are embarrassed of you, who needs ‘em? 

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Pretty disappointed to see you supporting Il Makiage. Their marketing campaign and anti low maintenance ads are so cringey. They follow the standard woman vs woman approach, and equate value and self-worth to wearing lots of makeup aka their products. There's a place for their "high maintenance" ideals, but there's no need to smear others for what they like to wear. This is just another eyeroll worthy company hiding under a femenist sheepskin. You can do better than this.

“femenist sheepskin” is my new band name

No but seriously– I can see where one might see it this way. I honestly didn’t think of it like that myself because as a society we still do totally shame women who wear heavy, OTT makeup and we see “high maintenance” as being negative; I don’t see “who wants to be low maintenance anyway?” as being a formidable counter-attack, because the low-maintenance ~cool girl~ is the ideal, and a big thing other women shame eachother for is being ultra glam, which is unfairly equated to being “fake”.

I do not work at an ad agency so I do not create content for brands under their vision: I take my own vision and listen to their messaging and branding, and create content that engages real people in a way that I feel is positive, impactful, and of substance. Not everyone will feel this way, but it is my goal and I know that any work I have proposed with this brand is very much committed to inclusion, celebrating an identity, and NOT building up those comparisons you’ve mentioned. 

I hope you stick around to see what we create eventually, I do value approaches like this!

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Hi Queen!Hope this message finds you well. I follow you on instagram and your selfies are STUNNING. I’m an actor in LA and I have to get new headshots taken soon, but I sort of freeze up when it comes to taking still photos and I forget how to pose my face. I know this is kind of odd to ask, but do you have any tips or secrets for posing for selfies/photos? Mindset? Confidence? Face muscles?? Thank you hehe xoxo

Thank you, queen!!Headshots are scary! I like selfies because I can be in full control of the camera and images, but being an actor you of course are skilled at handing over control and performing for others (which is awesome, congrats!!). So recently in Paris I was hanging with some girlfriends and the subject of my selfies came up, so I decided to do a demo for them. This is where I realized that I literally have unconsciously learned (through taking a fuck ton of selfies my whole life, RIP humility) how to contract certain muscles, clench my teeth a certain way, suck in my cheek JUST so it hits my tongue the right way, do a weird thing with my nose where it’s pushed down a bit and narrowed in such a way that it appears smaller and makes my top lip pout out a bit--- it’s a fucking maniacal ordeal but god damn I’m alright with the results.Practice in the mirror. Put on music that makes you feel hot and just play around with your muscles, your angles, the lighting. Be observant and pay attention to detail! Maybe it comes easier to me because I am obsessed with details and can’t really turn my brain off from that, but I think anyone can become more aware of themselves with practice! This practice is how you gain confidence, and showing up with confidence and trusting that you’re gonna get a fabulous picture is the secret. But it’s a process to get there like anything else!

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I'm a new actor and recently got cast in a show called cabaret after 1 year of auditioning. I was so excited until I found out how vulgar it was and I'd have to rub/be rubbed in sensitive body areas like crotch/ass/boobs. I backed out because I'm pretty much a virgin and don't even know myself sexually, and also was treated like shit by boys and just can't objectify myself that way bc others did. you seem so comfortable with yourself - would you ever be vulgar, even if it was acting?

Hi!

I have never wanted to pursue acting in part because you DO have to be super vulnerable and comfortable with being *uncomfortable*, and I am just too much of a control freak for that. It is not easy to be an actor for many reasons, but that willingness to transform without fear is one of the biggest in my POV.However, being an actor you are not obligated to push your limits; if anything, I think it is crucial in that line of work to know and enforce your limits and not be pressured by a job to do something that your gut says you really don’t want to do. For some performers, acting is a way to cope with past things that they’ve gone through, but for others, it is too hard to separate the role and your body– and that doesn’t make you less of an actor, it makes you a person with normal limitations. You are also new and likely pretty young, so this is all very very normal from what I hear from my actor pals currently working.I understand that acting roles are hard to come by and actors may be pressured to compromise their comfort or morals to get gigs, but it really shouldn’t be that way. It doesn’t sound like there is anything uncouth going on because it sounds like the sexual aspects are pretty clear-cut and up to the actors to consent to, but if you cannot negotiate having the touching just implied or faked, I don’t personally think it’s in your best overall interest to partake in a show that will bring you back to an unhealthy mental state.i think if you began talking to a therapist or counselor you will start to build a healthier relationship with the past and find a way to move forward in your own way, at your own pace, and eventually grow as a human which will help you become ready for more challenging roles like this one. And to answer your question, I don’t personally feel comfortable being vulgar in public for strangers. A little raunchy, a little fun and wild, sure, but it is just one of my own personal limitations that I also don’t feel that I have the skill of removing myself and who I am from my body for that kind of performance. I admire those who can, but I just don’t have it!

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I graduated with my master's recently and felt really proud of this accomplishment. However, I haven't been able to find any work. I've gone on a few interviews and they all went with a different candidate. I continue to send resumes and fill out applications everyday and still nothing. I'm starting to think maybe this was a mistake going to grad school. Maybe I should move on to something else not related to my degree. I worked so hard, I feel so heartbroken. I don't know what to do anymore.

First off: Congratulations to you for getting your masters!!!! No matter WHAT, I promise you that this is going to serve you well in life no matter which field you work in; the fact that you followed further education in something you are passionate about and then actually graduated with this prestigious degree, know that this alone shows others (esp. in the workforce) that you are driven, committed, hard-working and intelligent; these are qualities that you can translate into anything (not to mention they will serve you well in life)!

So just take a deep breath and give yourself some serious props for this amazing achievement to further your opportunities. Tune out your bullshit worries for ONE second and just revel in the fact that you are already heads and shoulders above most people for this alone.NOW. As you may or may not know, I busted my ass getting my BFA in fashion design at a top school because I thought I wanted to become a fashion or costume designer. After graduating like anyone else, you face a TON of rejection when applying for jobs. No matter how hard or long you’ve worked towards something, rejection is part of it, especially in a given professional field that goes through its own ups and downs in market. I eventually did get work in my field of choice, but for me, I realized it wasn’t as rewarding as I’d hoped and I wasn’t seeing enough back for the amount of work I was putting in; I couldn’t see it as a sustainable career for me right now. This took a while to sort of realize, but I really didn’t have time to be too romantic about it: I needed money to support myself, I needed to find a way to make money that wasn’t as stressful as working for myself in design (not to mention I started a business with NO knowledge of business or finances yet got way too many orders a day)--- sometimes you have to just roll with it, learn from it, and remind yourself that life is comprised of moments of change every single day; nothing can stay the same and rarely do things go as planned, so you need to adapt and not take it as a personal attack this universe has against you.

Adaptability is something most of us (esp myself) have to practice; I think that while you are so entitled to feeling heartbroken about your path not working out the way you’d hoped after putting so much of yourself into it, you might want to focus less on the smeared fairy tale of it and focus on all this fabulous ammo you have in your arsenal that just needs to be used a little differently now. It is no failure to switch your direction; life is about starting over constantly. Even your heroes started over and over and over and their lives went in different directions that they planned – in good ways and bad ways – and they became successful in what they did because they fought for the right things after fighting for the wrong things and realizing it wasn’t working. If you graduated this past May-- it’s fuckin’ July. Give it a little more time to call it an L. I’m not your job advisor so I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, but all I can say is that if the time comes where you feel you SHOULD change fields, don’t romanticize it. Don’t feel bad. It is fucking great to be adaptable and creative and hone other skills to make it. I respect that and I think it’s amazing when people realize just how many things they CAN do in life when they just take some of their best skills and employ them in a slightly different way. Keep applying in your desired field, but also try applying for something that interests you in another field that you think youre not even qualified for. You never know what will happen or where you are meant to be. 

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Why do you like Britney Spears so much?

I grew up adoring her as a kid, finding her so incredibly beautiful, glamorous, captivating yet relatable. Her music made me happy and shaped me as a girl turning into a preteen, then a teenager. The sounds of Britney are interwoven into the aural tapestry of my coming of age, which is something to be respected fully on its own.

I didn’t start feeling deeply for Britney until around her breakdown in 2007. I was going through a lot of bad shit myself then, and I sort of identified with her from afar; this perfect princess becoming destroyed by things that made her so covetable, because along the way she lost her humanity and her freedom. I always felt she was one of the most down to earth celebrities because even at the height of her fame, her paparazzi pics were her with smudged makeup, flip flops, a tank top and a Frap in her hand. She epitomized the small town girl who made it big, lost sight of herself, but never truly lost herself. 

I see her now as someone who went  through more at a young age than most people go through in a single lifetime, who stumbled and fucked up, but more importantly, got back up, accepted help, and continued to live her life on her terms and move forward with a focus on her family, her passions, and her happiness. She seems like such a genuine person who has earned the simple happiness she has, and it warms my heart that she gives us fans a little bit of insight into her home life, where you can tell she is the happiest. 

I am proof myself, on a far smaller scale, that you are stronger than you think and you can go through bad years, get fucked up, then rise from the flames a better, wiser person who has earned the wisdom they gained through surviving. She is a positive role model to me, the greatest living entertainer, and a superstar who burned out but refused to fade away. I think her beginnings as a pop princess and this image of her being a manufactured product make people still view her as less of an artist that’s less deserving of respect than other iconic artists, but the fact is, she is supremely special, gifted, hard-working, and her demons haven’t beaten her yet, which is more than many other icons can say.

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Hi Mandy, I need some dumb boy advice. I'm still getting over my ex but he recently started seeing someone new. I'm pretty hurt by how quickly he's moved on, and he seems so much happier. I know it's selfish, but I can't help but fixate on his new relationship. She, of course, is more attractive, younger, and generally seems cooler than me. Any advice on getting over this pity party?

First of all, guys tend to move on way faster than girls. Now they may not be fully mentally “moved on” or over it/ you, but yes, in general men of all ages deal with hurt by just trying to distract themselves with someone new, and eventually one might stick. I blame it on their lesser emotional maturity compared to women. <3

 It sucks as a person to see when you aren’t moving on as quickly as they supposedly are-- I’ve been there, and most of us who have ever experienced a breakup have experienced it. But you truly can’t let yourself stalk this new relationship and expect it to get any easier for these feelings to go away. 

First off, know that there is no use comparing yourself to anyone. I always think deep down, an ex could never replace me and nothing can ever take away what we had in the past, even if things are different now. I am unlike anyone else (as are you), and you don’t need to go comparing all of your greatness to the superficial appeal of someone you don’t really know and honestly, don’t NEED to know. Resist the urge to look at their social media. Ask mutual friends to please not bring him or his life up until you’re ready. It will take quite some time to dull the edges on these feelings, but like anything else, it takes PRACTICE. And luckily, the only practice you’ll need to commit to is self-restraint from snooping and stalking and putting together an imaginary narrative in your head that says she is better than you, that you have failed, that what you had once was not valid or special to him.

You have to be strong and it will get easier. Pretty soon, you’ll notice how much quicker you’re focusing on yourself than them. I say, if you broke up you did it for a ton of good reasons, the most important being that your gut said it was what you had to do. No breakups come or stay from an impulse; this was meant to happen. Just because you are sad now does not mean you’ll find happiness trying to find answers in something that you don’t even need to question. You will find someone who makes you feel even better than that person did, and you will feel like the best you possible, regardless of some fuckin’ dumb young girl ;)

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Those who help others deserve to help themselves. Have faith in you. It seems like everyone in your comment section does anyway ✌

Thank you, stranger <3 I am resuming therapy tomorrow and am not going to make excuses to stop going!!

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How can you really tell when you're settling?

I can only speak for myself, and it may be easier for me because I think while I have many many weaknesses and flaws, being self-aware is not one of them. So for me, it’s just a feeling at the pit of my stomach, like a sick little bell being rung when my brain pings to the question I don’t want to answer, but do out of reflex.

 It’s like the sensation of disappointment and a milligram of heartbreak when I ask myself things like “Am I in love?”, “Do I see myself adoring this person more than anyone else I’ve ever adored?”, “Is this the love I dreamed of?”, “Are they all I see?”

Mind you, I’m a romantic to a fault, and these may be very idealized questions, but in no way do I expect a perfect person: just a perfect fit that I know in my heart I’d want to hold on to and stay with when the going gets tough, who I can trust to feel the same way about me equally. I think we all deserve to have the love we dream of, but we also need to accept that something as precious as love will not always be easy, kind, or unchanging.

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You think details are important? Do you like details-shots?

In just about every aspect of my life, I obsess over details; especially in my work, both career-wise and creatively. Sometimes I forget to look at the big picture because I am so involved with details, but knowing this about myself I have to play up to that as a strength and own it. 

Detail shots make my heart soar.