dearest-star
dearest-star
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183 posts
thoughts, questions, confessions 🌟
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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I will always choose you over anyone else
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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same chapter, different story
You used to be my favorite subject. Well, I haven't written anything about you for quite some time now. I don't know, I guess I just missed the feeling of writing for someone because of pure bliss.
You really are something special. I've never felt this way about anyone before. You've got a hold on my heart that I cannot break even if I wanted to. And believe me, there have been times that I wanted to because it had gotten to the point where it was too painful. But then again, I thought, losing someone like you would mean much worse. I didn't tell you because I was afraid that you'd take it the wrong way. I'm sorry I've been suppressing my feelings by hitting you with an attitude every now and then. It was just hard seeing you with someone else. Things were changing too fast. But it's not your fault, I only have myself to blame because even if I wanted my feelings to just go away or turn off, they just wouldn't.
Maybe what my friends say is true, maybe a part of me will always love you. Even just a little.
Right now, I'm slowly learning to let it all go. I'm happy that you're happy, even if it's never going to be with me. Wow that's deep 😅
You have, and always will be, my favorite chapter that I'll never ever regret. I hope you know that despite everything that's happened, I'm still thankful for having a special kind of friend like you. You never fail to cheer me up whenever I'm feeling down. You're still the perfect distraction from my bad thoughts. Thanks for sticking around. I will always treasure this rare connection I have with you. I can be your friend for as long as you want me to. Thank you for everything, Titan.
PS,
You're still annoying.
[ 091818 • 2:00 am ]
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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2:19
• 081218 •
I know I can always count on you in times of hopeless measures. Finally, I feel so relieved!
Thank you, Titan!!!
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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I hope you realize how much this hurts me
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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270618
I'm so confused. And I'm so sad. But there's no way I'm telling you what I really feel. I'd rather disappear.
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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‪I can't think of anything that might make you feel better right now but I want you to know that I'll always be here for you. I'm so proud of you for the way you've handled your situation. You should be proud of yourself, too! :)
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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032518
Good luck, TAV, future MD!!! ☺️
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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‪There are times where I become the most difficult person to deal with (because even I don't know how to deal with myself lol) but you make it look so easy by always choosing to cheer me up. Thank you!
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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A lot of things can happen in a day, they say. The way someone talks, the way someone walks, the way a person feels, and the way how a person heals. It isn’t necessarily noticeable, but the moment you try to look back at a certain point in your life, everything is completely different. Days, months, and even years changed you without you having to notice it. And the main reason would be, is because you were too focused on what was happening in the present. Lucky for those who can. But for those who are trapped and being tormented by the past and for those who are too scared of what the future holds, this one’s for you.‬
Personally, I know how it feels to be scared of something you have no control of. I feel it all the time. It’s like I’m in this dark expanse trying to look for reassurance that everything will be alright and that I will be okay. But the surface just gets wider and wider by the day, and I’m just this tiny little dust in a galaxy trying to find my way back to that certain star where I think I belong.‬
‪I don’t know what happened. I didn’t know where I went wrong. I have no idea how I've gotten to this point. I must’ve taken the wrong path.
‪Throughout the years, I’ve built a strong wall that no one, not even myself, can shatter. Or so I thought. Because a few years back then, I watched those bricks fall down one by one. I trusted way too much and I’ve let a couple of people in thinking that it was okay because it felt alright, only to find out that they were the ones who were destined to break my walls. My wall of trust has been destroyed.‬ ‪It took me a couple of months before I realized who’s true and who wasn’t. I thought about this a ton. Turns out I was the one being untrue to myself. I made myself believe that everything was my fault, when it fact, it wasn’t. Instead of forgetting about the past and instead of trying to move forward, I’ve tormented my own mind by thinking about all the things I wish I should’ve done to prevent my wall from being fragmented into tiny little pieces. It breaks my heart knowing I could’ve done so much better, but I chose to fool myself into thinking that it was okay; that I’ll be okay; that everything will be okay.‬
‪I took me a few cries before I started to realize that I'm tired of sacrificing and losing people. Maybe that’s just how it is. Maybe I’ve numb myself too much to the point that I look for other reasons to keep whatever I have with me now.‬
‪I’ve cried for so many nights, and not just the type that makes you wanna question everything while you’re in bed trying to make no noise so that no one could hear you, but also the type where you cry so hard and it almost feels like you can’t breathe and you wished you never did. I know it’s wrong to think like that and I always regret it afterwards, but the feeling just keeps coming back. You start to wish you never allowed it to happen in the first place. You start to hope that maybe tomorrow you’ll feel better. But it doesn’t get better, you just get used to how it feels. And sadly, the pain tolerance just gets better and better everyday.‬
‪It’s like seeing something that breaks your heart for a few seconds and suddenly there’s this flushing feeling where you feel like anytime you’d explode. And then there goes another emotional breakdown from seeing something that literally hurts you inside.‬
And again, you become an emotional wreck.
‪But then there were those days where your heart was too happy, and for a while, you forgot about the pain. It’s because of one specific reason, and one specific reason only. It was because of a certain person.‬
‪Even though most of your days are for crying and complaining about how unfair this life is becoming, ultimately, when that day where you rebuild yourself arrives, you forget about every hurtful thought you’ve had. No matter how painful it was before, the fact that you’re happy now is worth more than anything you could ask for. It may have numb you and it may have become a cycle, and even though there were times you wished you were dead, you know that you would live for that blissful moment. Because it was all your heart ever wanted- to be happy. You'd live for the happy days.‬
‪That’s why even though there are times where I feel like giving up and I can’t seem to push through, I just think of those blissful moments and how much I’d miss them if I wasn’t here to witness it. ‬
‪I’ve always been scared of being left, betrayed, lied to, and being hurt by the most significant people in my life. But when I think about how much I never want to lose them, all the pain I’ve felt seems to be worth it.‬
Or so I thought.
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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They say that good things take time. But really, great things happen in a blink of an eye.
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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"You, I’d always choose you over anything. But me? You’d always choose anything over me."
Awwwee ☹️
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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"Well, for starters, she got hurt. And she still is. That brings a huge impact. She's been selfless for years only to end up hurting for the same reason. That's tough. So whatever she decides to do with her life now, let her be. You can't blame her for the ways she tried to cope up with what she's been feeling."
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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my private blog (tav-foryoureyesonly) turned three years old 🤣
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dearest-star · 7 years ago
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I know that there are three sides of the story. Her side, your side, and the truth.
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