dearxdamnxdiary

[dearxdamnxdiary]

Why I wanted to leave for 2+ years

1. I had no freedom

2. I had no alone time

3. The constant arguing

4. His family

5. How he acts when he’s mad

6. Bad history

7. Texting a girl w/o telling me

8. I’m the reason for pretty much every argument

9. NOT attracted anymore

10. Insecure

11. Depressed

12. Not many good memories

13. Calling me over and over while I’m at work when we fight

14. Him hitting me when I tell him I hate him

15. Not many shared laughs

16. Him breaking things when he’s mad

17. I never wanted to go out with him anywhere

18. Never wanted to have sex, it was never organic. Maybe in the beginning… but it quickly died

19. Me getting tinnitus after he tackled me & I hit my head on the ground

20. Him breaking my property

21. Me getting scratched from him sticking his fingers in my mouth

22. Him justifying everything he does

23. Him invading privacy

24. Him going into my phone and deleting MY contacts because he didn’t like a PRIVATE conversation that I had.

25. I disassociated MOST of the relationship, I’m BARELY even on tiktok or Youtube anymore now 

26. I would hesitate to say so many things because I was scared of an argument.

27. He watched me have panic attacks when I’m smoking so many times, but he still smoked around me & wasn’t supportive of me not smoking anymore

28. He’s the reason for my dark spots. He let a cat come in a small ass room and we already had a cat and a dog. The fleas got me so bad & he never had a exterminator come thru. When I started to get depressed about it, he said “it can’t be the fleas, it has to be something else at this point.” EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE HUNDREDS OF FLEAS THAT WOULD ALWAYS GET ON ME/THE TRAP

29. Apparently I’m the reason for the collection on the apartment, even thought he was in charge of the rent bills.

I got so many signs to leave, and I ignored them. My skin getting completely fucked up, his crazy parents, the hitting, the loss of attraction, the depression and anxiety

-1:36 am

[dearxdamnxdiary]

I was in an unhappy relationship for literally 3 + years. I always said at the back of my head that I need to get out. But he guilt tripped and gaslighted me everytime I tired. Saying that he’ll hurt himself if I leave & telling me that I’m the only person he has. But at the end of the day… I needed to do what’s best for me. And I’m so glad I did. I was sooo unhappy and depressed. I wish I would have left sooner

[dearxdamnxdiary]

I never even want to be associated with a Pisces man ever again

[dearxdamnxdiary]

I keep trying to justify why I left this man, but in reality I don’t have to. If I don’t want to be with this person I don’t have to. Especially since he invades privacy. The day I broke up with him I looked up “what are good reasons to leave your boyfriend”. And literally EVERYONE said that I don’t have to have a reason. I don’t even owe him an explanation.

June 19, 2022

-1:38am

[dearxdamnxdiary]

Why I wanted to leave for 2+ years

1. I had no freedom

2. I had no alone time

3. The constant arguing

4. His family

5. How he acts when he’s mad

6. Bad history

7. Texting a girl w/o telling me

8. I’m the reason for pretty much every argument

9. NOT attracted anymore

10. Insecure

11. Depressed

12. Not many good memories

13. Calling me over and over while I’m at work when we fight

14. Him hitting me when I tell him I hate him

15. Not many shared laughs

16. Him breaking things when he’s mad

17. I never wanted to go out with him anywhere

18. Never wanted to have sex, it was never organic. Maybe in the beginning… but it quickly died

19. Me getting tinnitus after he tackled me & I hit my head on the ground

20. Him breaking my property

21. Me getting scratched from him sticking his fingers in my mouth

22. Him justifying everything he does

23. Him invading privacy

24. Him going into my phone and deleting MY contacts because he didn't like a PRIVATE conversation that I had.

25. I disassociated MOST of the relationship, I'm BARELY even on tiktok or Youtube anymore now 

26. I would hesitate to say so many things because I was scared of an argument.

27. He watched me have panic attacks when I’m smoking so many times, but he still smoked around me & wasn’t supportive of me not smoking anymore

28. He’s the reason for my dark spots. He let a cat come in a small ass room and we already had a cat and a dog. The fleas got me so bad & he never had a exterminator come thru. When I started to get depressed about it, he said “it can’t be the fleas, it has to be something else at this point.” EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE HUNDREDS OF FLEAS THAT WOULD ALWAYS GET ON ME/THE TRAP

29. Apparently I’m the reason for the collection on the apartment, even thought he was in charge of the rent bills.

I got so many signs to leave, and I ignored them. My skin getting completely fucked up, his crazy parents, the hitting, the loss of attraction, the depression and anxiety

-1:36 am

[dearxdamnxdiary]

I really need to be more confident or nothing I want will ever work out. It’s not fun at all being shy. I’d rather be a weirdo

[dearxdamnxdiary]

That didn’t last

We’ve never fought, had an argument nothing like ughhh if i do get an attitude with him he doesnt argue back i love it so much and he aplogizes and bes understanding.. just like me ughhhh y am I so lucky. If he feels a certain way he never goes off hes just so chill ughhhh

[dearxdamnxdiary]

I was in an unhappy relationship for literally 3 + years. I always said at the back of my head that I need to get out. But he guilt tripped and gaslighted me everytime I tired. Saying that he’ll hurt himself if I leave & telling me that I’m the only person he has. But at the end of the day… I needed to do what’s best for me. And I’m so glad I did. I was sooo unhappy and depressed. I wish I would have left sooner

[dearxdamnxdiary]

Update: we live together lmaoo

1-14-19 12:18pm

[dearxdamnxdiary]

Still in love

10-8-18 1:35am

[dearxdamnxdiary]

your relationship doesn’t have to be toxic to be a bad one. it can be unfulfilling, exhausting, loveless. and someone doesn’t have to be terrible to you for you to leave them. if you aren’t primarily happy in your relationship, you have a valid reason to not be in it. don’t beat yourself up because your situation “could be worse.” if it isn’t what you want, you don’t have to stay in it.

[dearxdamnxdiary]

I feel attacked

[dearxdamnxdiary]

[dearxdamnxdiary]

when she said “you just don’t like me anymore” I felt that 😭

[dearxdamnxdiary]

He literally never wants to facetime lmao

-10:15pm

[dearxdamnxdiary]

We’ve never fought, had an argument nothing like ughhh if i do get an attitude with him he doesnt argue back i love it so much and he aplogizes and bes understanding.. just like me ughhhh y am I so lucky. If he feels a certain way he never goes off hes just so chill ughhhh

[dearxdamnxdiary]

I like him so much that it literally scares me, im so scared of getting hurt. Im so scared of it not working out. Just. I just dont know what ill do if it doesn’t work out. I will go crazy or be depressed as fuck. Ive never felt this way about anybody before omggg love gods please let me have this one

-12:27 am