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[deathdoesntkillyou]

Chlu & Lolly & Golly

Chloé: Are you determined to kill me

Chloé: Do you have ANY respect for me or your father, just out of curiosity

Lulu: I told them not to even contact you & daddy, it isn’t my fault the request was overridden 

Chloé: They have to, for God’s sake, as you should well know

Chloé: and now we’re faced with the impossible decision of looking like terrible parents or ruining our holiday for this

Lulu: I’m sorry you were faced with such a horrid decision which you’re finding so difficult

Chloé: I’m sure you find yourself terribly original in this moment, you are nothing of the sort

Lulu: I find myself to be a lot of things in this moment, original has yet to make the list

Chloé: Was this really the best way to deal with your problems

Chloé: You couldn’t think of any other way

Lulu: Officially, I don’t have any problems & this was truly a frightful accident

Chloé: I expect this kind of behaviour from your sister

Chloé: but now I have to deal with you too, do I

Lulu: How exactly are you dealing with her? Because I don’t see any reprimands at all for her behaviour, she’s utterly living it up at grandma’s

Chloé: She’s never going to see that man ever again, if he’s any sense at all

Lulu: She doesn’t want to see him, mummy

Lulu: & vice versa, naturally

Chloé: I don’t believe that for a second, please don’t treat me like a fool

Lulu: Dolly told me so herself, she doesn’t care about him

Lulu: he was a means to an end

Chloé: Why would I believe you?

Chloé: You didn’t even know about him, allegedly 

Lulu: [send her the part/s of the convo where she said it]

Chloé: And that’s why you threw yourself out of a window, is it

Lulu: I fell

Chloé: No, you didn’t

Chloé: She reaffirmed what you already knew

Lulu: Yes, I did

Lulu: it’s a simple narrative to stick to

Chloé: I raised two ungrateful daughters who do nothing but lie and lie and lie

Lulu: If it makes you feel any better, you barely raised us

Chloé: Wow

Chloé: Just because you’re playing the melancholic does not mean you need to drag me down with you

Lulu: I tried my best not to, but don’t worry, next time I’ll wait until after I’ve turned 18

Chloé: Why are you doing this

Chloé: I thought you had ambitions 

Lulu: Oh please, you aren’t the slightest bit interested in why or you’d already have those answers

Chloé: Well, what an absolute waste of our time and resources

Chloé: I’m SO glad we paid for that school for Dolly to fuck a teacher and for you to turn out a complete basketcase

Lulu: Well, I’M glad you did, perhaps if you’d let me stay I wouldn’t be a complete basketcase 

Chloé: That is entirely out of the question, look how emotionally disturbed you are as is

Chloé: It’s time you grew up and entered the real world, I’m afraid

Lulu: I had to grow up when I was [insert a horrifically young age] & [insert a horrific anecdote of which there are millions to pick from because her parents are inappropriate af and unhinged and only care about each other]

Lulu: have you considered that could have potentially emotionally disturbed me?

Chloé: You weren’t like this before you went to that place

Chloé: don’t you think it tortures me how horrifically inappropriate they turned out to be? That I wish we had never sent you away?

Lulu: You sent us away when we were 7, yonks before we were old enough to attend there, you’ve always wished we weren’t around

Chloé: How could you say such awful things

Lulu: Because you’re more upset that your holiday is in ruins than you are about the damage done to my body

Chloé: You need to understand that what you did is a wholly selfish thing, so you never do it again

Lulu: Everything you do is wholly selfish!

Chloé: I am a mother, I NEVER get to be selfish

Lulu: When? When are you EVER a mother?

Chloé: Since I was barely older than you!

Chloé: I would LOVE to see you try, you are as useless as you were when you were born, still so fussy and needy

Lulu: I’d love to see you try, except you can’t because it’s far too late, you abandoned Mattie literally when she was born & you barely managed much longer with Dolly & I

Lulu: [do a maths sum like a nerd which is giving you two so her love already divided by 2 and then again for how long you were always at your grandparents and the fact she only did 7 years before she started on this boarding school stuff]

Chloé: I didn’t abandon Matilda, I was forced out of my home and my marriage

Chloé: Try having nothing, and no one, because that is how James left me and how your father found me

Lulu: That is how I’ve been left, with nothing & no one

Chloé: Your doting fucking perfect grandmother and grandfather rushed to your side

Chloé: You are so cosseted you have no clue how good you have it

Lulu: Of course, they feel guilty for being MIA for yonks & yonks because they’re on her side

Chloé: Don’t be so ridiculous, there are no sides

Lulu: Yes there are, they dote on her now, not me

Chloé: Nonsense, I know my own parents, thank you very much

Lulu: Oh good, then you know how much they say beastly things about you 

Lulu: it’s my turn too apparently, I’ve heard grandma, she hates me

Chloé: Ha! Trust me, they were not the people they are today, how else would I end up in such dire straights as I did

Chloé: but they’ve made it up to me, as well as they can, by being devoted grandparents, as much as it pains me to see them treat you how they never did me

Lulu: I was awfully foolish to think you might actually believe me, it’s clearly the pain meds I’m on sending me loopy or some kind of delayed shock

Chloé: Believe you about what, falling from the window

Lulu: About grandma, but okay, as we’re moving on, that too

Lulu: I did do it for you, after all, given how poorly you’re still managing the previous scandal

Chloé: You’re not to ever repeat that bullshit out loud again, unless you want to end up a permanent resident of [giving a private and fancy asylum]

Chloé: You’ve given yourself more brain damage with the fall

Lulu: I’d adore it, the alternative being more of your bullshit regime, your threats are therefore null & void

Chloé: Regime, ha!

Chloé: You have a free house for the whole holidays, do you know what that’s called, free rein and I would have thrown parties every night 

Chloé: Again, you don’t know you’re born

Lulu: Darling, it’s called neglect, bad luck

Lulu: & obviously you haven’t grasped the amount of trouble you’d be in if I hadn’t lied, enjoy your own freedom, mummy

Chloé: Trouble, for your fucked brain, I think not

Chloé: You’re [I think 16/17 but I’m not saying for sure, you get the point anyway] and your grandparents are looking after you and your sister

Chloé: Honestly, one minute I’m Kate McCann and the next I’m some kind of Fritzl, you can’t have it both ways, darling

Lulu: You have the audacity to call me selfish, when I’m protecting your reputation from being in further tatters

Lulu: goodness knows why when this is the thanks I get

Chloé: Protecting my reputation by clearly throwing yourself from [whatever floor is the highest in your house because we’re being dramatic]

Chloé: How are you so damned stupid, Lulu!

Chloé: You may have convinced them to put the tranquilisers down but NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE ELSE is going to believe that lie

Lulu: Wow, I’m supposed to be the beyond hysterical one 🙄

Lulu: It was from my bedroom on the second floor & your friends will, daddy’s family will, all of them are stupider than I could dare to be in my wildest dreams

Lulu: Who else’s opinion matters to you suddenly?

Chloé: Your arrogance is ugly and what makes you the stupidest

Chloé: You’re a child, everyone will be too polite to question your tall tale but they’ll know and the knowing glances will be exchanged 

Lulu: Your contradictions are hilarious, a moment ago I was [her age] & absolutely not in any way a child

Lulu: my apologies, mother, are you going to get tired of it? Because guess what, I’m exhausted too, join the club

Chloé: You’ve zero common sense, zero street smarts

Chloé: this is what comes of sending you to that backwards backwoods school, I should have NEVER let you talk me into that, the mistake has cost me greatly ever since

Lulu: No, I don’t tend to walk the streets like you did at my age, I’m afraid

Lulu: but fear not, I’m sure an unwanted pregnancy can be arranged instead of a university place, since my ideas are THAT bad

Chloé: You live in London, not the Swiss Alps

Chloé: Your lack of friends here before was alarming, how are you going to make any now you’ve crippled yourself

Lulu: [correct her on the exact geography of wherever you were in your beloved switzerland]

Lulu: & I haven’t crippled myself, get a grip

Chloé: I don’t care, Heidi, the dream is dead

Chloé: Whatever you thought you were doing over there, is absolutely meaningless

Lulu: It is, you’re right, hence hoping for the sweet release of death

Chloé: I should have stopped at one child

Lulu: Evidently, as she’s SO perfect, it must be nice to be allowed to thrive without your influence, unfortunately I can’t relate

Chloé: At least Dolly was doing something real

Chloé: You spent the last [however long you’ve been at that school] doing what, being the biggest swot at the nunnery

Lulu: No one is shook to their core to hear sex is one of the only things that means anything to you

Chloé: School is not real life, that fairytale cult castle is especially not real life, you wasted your time

Lulu: You’ve never even had a fake job, what would you know?

Chloé: I’ve lived a life, darling

Lulu: Don’t come crying to me when that life is wrecked because you’ve blown through all the money by [an age that’s giving 5 to 10 years from how old she is now], I’ll refuse to help you

Chloé: Well, I’d assumed you’d have managed to successfully reach the sweet release of death by then

Chloé: Not counting on you

Lulu: That’s rich given your track record, how many times have you threatened to kill yourself, mummy? I’ve personally lost count

Chloé: When have I ever flung myself from the rooftop, you mental bitch

Chloé: A well-timed threat versus an insane action you can’t undo, not really giving brains of Britain, are you dear

Lulu: True, it’s a lot of stairs, you’d be more likely to die of a heart attack

Chloé: Says the anorexic, look that fact up

Lulu: It would be orthorexia, if anything

Lulu: a fact which a woman who has been controlling my diet since I was [however old] should probably have looked up

Chloé: Because you can’t be trusted to keep yourself alive

Chloé: No punchline, just the draining joke that you have made my life as your mother

Lulu: Because you can’t trusted to follow your own advice, I have to make you look good or else you’re a laughing stock among your own circles

Lulu: no punchline, it’s dreadfully unamusing at your big age everything you lack

Chloé: Everything I lack is because it was given to and for you and your sister

Lulu: How noble of you

Chloé: There once seemed a point, how foolish 

Lulu: On that point alone we at last discover some common ground

Chloé: We have nothing in common, and you are nothing like your father

Chloé: I don’t know what kind of genetic throwback you are

Lulu: What a relief, his face has been taxing enough to have to try & wear without being saddled with anything else

Chloé: Don’t talk about your father like that

Chloé: In fact, don’t contact either of us

Lulu: Okay

Chloé: You will not be spoiling our Summer

Chloé: Stay at your grandparents’, I’ll tell them they are to watch you far more closely until we are back and you are back in school

Lulu: Nothing could spoil your summer

Chloé: Not you, not this performance

Lulu: Message received 

Chloé: Goodbye

Lulu: [do it in french, the most slang and the most swiss way you can as a fuck you because not letting go of being heidi haha] 😘

Lulu: I told you so [but in french because it’s about Gabe and golly being over after their summer fling]

Dolly: You been working on that all summer?

Lulu: He’s been texting me since [whenever it started to go wrong, whether she’s giving a date here or a location where golly were in europe, because he would, that’s such a boy move]

Dolly: Ah, congratulations

Lulu: It’s hardly worth any, but thanks

Dolly: Next move is obvious, I hope you aren’t waiting for shock or tears

Lulu: Fear not, I’m solely waiting for school 🤓

Dolly: They’re letting you go

Lulu: Even with both wrists broken, still no shock or tears

Dolly: You’re welcome to him, welcome to the school

Lulu: I’m certainly not waiting for your permission, in either instance

Dolly: No shit

Lulu: Welcome home

Dolly: Good one

Lulu: If my sense of humour also fractured, it’s healed quicker

Dolly: I doubt we’d say it was anything close to healed ever

Lulu: Of course you wouldn’t & there is no we

Dolly: As if I’d come back and want that

Lulu: I know why you’re back, hence my opener

Dolly: I don’t see your point

Lulu: What a surprise

Lulu: you never do

Dolly: Lament at someone else

Dolly: I got what I wanted, so did he

Lulu: Why would I lament? He doesn’t want you any more, as predicted because he is nothing if not

Dolly: Wow, still your mother’s daughter, I’m so sorry

Lulu: Old habits die the hardest, especially when I don’t

Dolly: My condolences

Dolly: At least you got to dine out on that sob story with grandma and grandpa, if not your main targets

Lulu: It’s bad luck, a devoted sister would offer to slash my broken wrists for me ☹️

Dolly: A minute in your company turns devotion into indifference 

Dolly: The worst luck, maybe a family curse

Lulu: Has it been a minute already? Wow! ⏲

Lulu: I should really reply to Gabe, excuse me, it’s all so difficult while injured 🤕

Dolly: Do you imagine I’ll feel anything but pity for you both?

Dolly: You’re going to fuck a boy who found your mangled body and left with your sister and he’s well, Gabe

Dolly: I’ve never heard anything sadder

Lulu: Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not going to fuck him, I’m not you

Dolly: You think you’re being quippy but you won’t be able to resist

Dolly: on the off chance I’ll be as 😭 as you were

Lulu: He’s Gabe, he’s hardly irresistible 

Lulu: & he’s already told me everything about fucking you, naturally it would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to compete

Dolly: No, but he’s yours 

Dolly: 💔

Lulu: He’s what he is & has always been to me, sometimes marginally useful

Dolly: Sure he is, Loo

Lulu: No one’s 💔 over that boy

Dolly: You just threatened to kill yourself for no reason in the same breath you begged me to leave him alone

Lulu: I had my reasons, none of them about him, I told you that

Lulu: I’d have begged him if I wanted him, not you

Dolly: You really fluffed the narrative this time, didn’t you

Lulu: Yeah, doctors will believe anything it turns out, all you have to do is bat your eyelashes same as anywhere else 🥺

Dolly: What a useful skill

Lulu: I know, right? 😊

Dolly: We both had productive summers then

Lulu: Seems like it

Dolly: If you want me to feel betrayed that he’s told you shit, you’re labouring under the misapprehension that I thought either of you was to be trusted

Lulu: Oh no, I just wanted to feel something by being told & I did

Lulu: I don’t care about how numb you get to be again now you don’t have to pretend he’s fixing you by fucking you

Dolly: I’m not you

Dolly: I wasn’t pretending and I’m not going back

Lulu: Okay, if you say so

Dolly: Your inability to feel is your business

Lulu: I feel, it just isn’t ever triggered by his penis, bad luck for him

Dolly: You’ve confused pathologies for feelings

Lulu: Have I? Whoops

Dolly: You’ll never know the difference so it makes none

Lulu: & yet you felt the need to say it, clearly it makes a difference to you

Dolly: I feel, you would have had it be otherwise forever so you need reminding

Lulu: No, you needed reminding who you’re supposed to feel for & where your loyalties are meant to lie

Dolly: That’s what you were doing, seriously

Lulu: I’m your twin sister & you don’t care if I die!

Dolly: You weren’t going to die

Lulu: I wanted to, I miscalculated the landing

Dolly: And what is the point in that

Dolly: You’d be dead, any reaction is irrelevant 

Lulu: Living like this is worse than irrelevant

Dolly: No one has asked you to act like this

Lulu: You’re literally asking me to act completely different

Dolly: What have you done my entire life, you can’t last a minute? 

Dolly: Amateur 

Lulu: I didn’t force you to do anything, you have to stop saying that

Dolly: You want me to respect you forcing me to care with a suicide attempt when you don’t believe my truth

Lulu: I can’t believe you would reject me, you’re the one person who’s supposed to understand, me, this, all of it

Dolly: And what the fuck do you even know about me

Lulu: I’ve been with you for [however many years] through everything they did, everything it made us do

Dolly: Everything you wanted to do

Lulu: I didn’t want what happened to happen, Dolly, so sue me, okay?

Lulu: for god’s sake, don’t be horrid

Dolly: Yes you did because if I hadn’t put a stop to it, it would all still be happening now, wouldn’t it

Dolly: They weren’t there, when we were at school, none of it had to be the way it was

Lulu: At school I got you the attention of the only boy within what might as well have been hundreds of miles

Lulu: you wanted experiences, you said so yourself

Dolly: I didn’t need you to, I didn’t ask you to

Dolly: and it’s not as if you let me have it on my own

Lulu: Well, I was trying to help

Lulu: & as if I’d let some boy go near you on your own, he can’t be trusted, which you’ve also realised

Dolly: Jesus Christ!

Dolly: You can’t be trusted, it’s none of your business and the fact you made it yours is just so insane

Lulu: Then I’m insane, fine 🤪

Lulu: for protecting you, which is what families are meant to do

Dolly: Protecting me should extend to telling him to shut up if he goes around telling the whole school

Dolly: That isn’t what it was

Lulu: Basic human decency should extend to asking me how I am when I fall/throw myself out of a window, but you didn’t because you were too busy fucking him all over grandma’s house & then Europe

Dolly: You’ve made it abundantly clear there is no we

Dolly: and I knew that’s why you did it

Lulu: No one could ever make that clearer than you did

Lulu: Mummy & daddy don’t understand how important school is, but you knew & you took it anyway

Lulu: we might not even pass now, all those factors working against us

Dolly: There’s nothing else for you to do, of course you will

Lulu: You risked the only thing that matters when we barely had any time left, why couldn’t you just wait to stage your little revolt?

Dolly: I was done

Lulu: But I’m selfish

Dolly: It’s my life, I should have been living it for me the whole time

Lulu: If you’d spoken to me about this instead of lying to my face for [the length of teachergate] we could’ve both carried on living our lives, you didn’t have to blow mine up 

Dolly: You don’t understand

Lulu: You don’t communicate, I’ll go back in time & read your blinks, shall I? Because you’re truly only ever giving as much as a coma patient would

Dolly: You’ve never been in love, I don’t think you’d know how

Lulu: Ouch, who’s their mother’s daughter now?

Dolly: I’m only faking it anyway, right

Lulu: She thinks I’m worthless, you’re saying the same thing by believing I’m incapable of love

Dolly: It’s all her fault either way

Lulu: I’m the one who has to live with it, not her

Dolly: She doesn’t care, about nothing but herself

Lulu: Tell me something I don’t know

Lulu: my near-death experience didn’t cast a shadow over her scorching summer

Dolly: You’re the one still chasing her, beating that dead horse

Lulu: I’m done

Dolly: Good

Dolly: then it was all worth it

Lulu: She outdid herself this time

Lulu: I fail to see how anyone could fail a test more spectacularly, you & Gabe included

Dolly: If only a comparison to her could ever be a compliment

Dolly: She’s always predictable, if anyone is

Lulu: Everyone is 🥱

Dolly: Tell me something I don’t know

Lulu: You know now that summer’s over, congrats

Lulu: better late than never

Dolly: You were determined to have a terrible one

Lulu: My terrible time was determined by your beastly actions

Dolly: You want to act powerless now that suits your story better

Lulu: How aren’t I for real? I’m still alive, mortifyingly

Dolly: You should be grateful

Dolly: that would’ve been the most embarrassing death

Lulu: I’d be gone, I’d neither know nor care

Dolly: Time for plan B

Lulu: I’m aware of that, don’t waste yours stating the blatantly obvious

Dolly: You’re the one still moping, summer is over, time for a new bit

Lulu: My depression isn’t seasonal, if only

Dolly: It’s situational, if we’re being generous

Lulu: Because what everyone loves is yet another unsolicited diagnosis

Lulu: very generous 

Dolly: It’s your time to waste

Lulu: Gabe’s way ahead of you on that front

Dolly: You’re ridiculous, what do you even have to say to him at this point?

Lulu: At this point, that’s none of your business

Dolly: 🙄

Dolly: Unlike you, it isn’t my life’s work to know yours

Lulu: Then don’t ask

Dolly: I’m shaming you

Lulu: Bad luck, no you aren’t

Dolly: You know it’s pathetic, you’re wallowing, that’s all

Lulu: If you’d ever checked in, you’d know that’s the vibe

Lulu: [with a list of whatever injuries you sustained, healed or not like ugh & duh I couldn’t be more pathetic rn & this is all voice typed thanks to those wrists which would actually be annoying I agree gal]

Dolly: I guess it beats organ failure but for fuck’s sake

Lulu: But it’s fun you think you can shame me from rock bottom 😅 go off, darling

Dolly: Optimistic to assume this is rock bottom

Lulu: 😁😁😁

Dolly: [deleting all of the messages and pictures between y’all with haste after this conversation with your sister]

Dolly: [sending him the message(s) where Lulu says he’s telling her everything]

Dolly: Just in case you thought she cared about you in any of this 👌👌👌

Gabe: [just to ref that he isn’t gonna reply because he is a flop and that’s the coward move when she is actually owed a reply here cos um excuse you wtf sir going back and forth between these gals]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Lolly & Golly

Lulu: He’s mine

Dolly: What are you talking about?

Lulu: Oh please, you think I don’t know every thought that boy has, or could ever have, before it’s even close to being fully formed

Dolly: I’d hardly consider that something to brag about

Lulu: & yet here you are perfectly willing to accept his half-baked advances, so, I’m warning you

Dolly: How uncharacteristically considerate of you

Lulu: You don’t have the monopoly on out of character acts, charitable or otherwise

Dolly: He’s not yours, he never has been because we both had to go out with him, at your insistence 

Dolly: You want to change that now, you know he won’t stick around

Lulu: You changed it, by walking away to fraternise with the teaching staff, bad luck, it was [him] who couldn’t get away fast enough

Dolly: It was a crime, Lulu

Lulu: Call it what you want with the benefit of hindsight, darling, I hope it helps spare your 😳💀 truly

Dolly: The only one 😳💀 is our mother, you wish I cared half as much as you do

Lulu: But what else is new?

Lulu: I only have one wish now as far as you’re concerned, stay away from Gabe

Dolly: Why would I do anything for you, when everything you do is actively against me?

Lulu: It isn’t for me, silly

Lulu: If the alleged trauma hasn’t left you with special needs, you’ll do it for your own sake

Lulu: because you may think yourself hard done by already, but you really don’t know the half of it, or want to put me to the test

Dolly: You’re so transparent, my God

Lulu: What a relief, I’m trying to make myself super clear 😊

Dolly: The panicked grasp for control is crystal

Lulu: Panic, no

Lulu: people get terribly calm before they do wicked things, ask mummy about her latest cry for help

Dolly: I try to avoid all contact, which they thankfully make very easy on the whole

Lulu: It’s fine, she’s not the right person to quiz anyway, she doesn’t have my resolve

Dolly: You can channel all that resolve into keeping him then, can’t you

Lulu: Absolutely, you abandoned him, I didn’t

Dolly: We got pulled out of [your old school]

Lulu: You cheated long before that

Dolly: I don’t know why you’re acting as if you’re in love with him now when I know you’re not and so does he

Lulu: It’s laughable you would even use the word

Dolly: I’m not the one pretending, badly

Dolly: We’re so obviously incapable, he didn’t need to come to our empty home to find that out

Lulu: Nor am I, he knows where he stands, not that it’s any of your business how I do or don’t act

Dolly: Unlike you, I really don’t care what you’re up to in the bedroom

Lulu: I’m entitled to care when you invite him into yours at grandma’s

Dolly: No, you’re not, not when it comes to me

Dolly: if you thought you were monogamous, bring it up with him, good luck when you’re the one who set everything up to be shared

Lulu: Sharing him with whichever girls on [his uni] campus he has a passing interest in is one thing, you trying to steal him from me is quite another

Dolly: Get a real boyfriend, it’s clearly what you need

Lulu: No, it clearly isn’t

Dolly: You haven’t shaped him into what you want yet, you’re not going to now

Lulu: The shape of him is irrelevant to this convo

Dolly: This convo is irrelevant 

Dolly: What are you trying to achieve?

Lulu: I told you, if you leave me with nothing, well, of course, I’ll have nothing to lose

Dolly: Join the club

Lulu: I’m not welcome, it’s very much your entire point

Dolly: I’m the one who brought him over to make you feel unwelcome in your own home, oh wait, that was you

Lulu: You started this, don’t get that twisted

Dolly: It’s the one thing I can be proud of, breaking that chain

Dolly: You’re not ready to accept how wrong it all was, your part in it

Lulu: You can’t break it, that’s a fantasy, bordering on a delusion much like the rest of what you’re saying

Dolly: The fantasy is that our family is one, that anything healthy has grown from them

Dolly: It’s over, all of it

Lulu: Never, even if I die, or kill both of you for betraying me

Dolly: Betraying you

Lulu: Becoming a habit of yours

Dolly: You need deprogramming or something

Dolly: I don’t know how to talk to you, do you hear yourself?

Lulu: Do you hear me? It’s over how & when I decide, it isn’t up to you

Dolly: No one is playing your games anymore

Lulu: This isn’t a game anymore

Dolly: I’m not scared of you anymore, you’re just deeply disturbed, I’d feel sorry for you if I could bring myself to have that level of empathy 

Lulu: I am? 😅  You’re emotionless, you should be studied

Dolly: I know that having our parents and you as a sister has fucked me up, am I not playing the victim and playing up, in your own words

Dolly: you need to deal with the reality of our situation instead of placating yourself with revenge fantasies 

Lulu: The reality of the situation you caused & refuse to apologise for is something I’m having to deal with

Dolly: The reality of having parents that neglect us most of the time, then narcissistically abuse us when they aren’t, in her case

Dolly: You thinking it’s about anything else is the problem

Lulu: How exactly is that a problem for you, Dolly? You have grandma & grandpa, they’re so wrapped around your little finger it would be my fault somehow you slept with MY boyfriend under their roof

Lulu: I have nowhere but that empty house you mentioned, because guess what, I can’t even board at school now, thanks to you

Dolly: He’s not your boyfriend

Lulu: You would focus on the least important part of what I just said

Dolly: Because they’re your grandparents too, if you wanted a better relationship, you could have one

Lulu: They hate me, that relationship’s poisoned, you poisoned it

Dolly: They do not hate you, they’re not mum and dad

Lulu: They’ve been taken in by your lies & taken your side

Dolly: What lies?

Lulu: I’m not the villain

Dolly: I don’t talk about you

Lulu: Silence is a condemnation here, you don’t leap to my defence, you never have

Dolly: Grandma and Grandpa do not bitch about you, that’s an insanely paranoid thing to think

Lulu: I’ve literally heard them

Dolly: They worry about you, you conflate the two

Lulu: They think I’m a worse version of her

Dolly: It’s too late to help her

Lulu: It’s too late for me, they’ll be thrilled to be correct in mummy & I having something in common

Dolly: It isn’t

Lulu: You’ve given me no choice

Lulu: ruined my life, wrecked everything that mattered

Dolly: Look, if it wasn’t for them caring more about appearances, you could have stayed there

Dolly: that wasn’t my decision

Lulu: You decided I’m an albatross around your neck

Dolly: You harp on what I did to you, like that wasn’t a reaction to how you treated me for the first [however many] years of my life

Lulu: Like you didn’t love having me as a scapegoat, you didn’t once have to take any responsibility because you didn’t make a single decision, all of them were mine

Dolly: Which is what you wanted

Lulu: You needed me, if I hadn’t stepped in where do you suppose you’d be? Even stranger than we are

Dolly: I will literally never get to know, you didn’t give me the choice, the luxury 

Dolly: There’s no way for us to be stranger

Lulu: I gave you every luxury, we ran that school, we had total freedom

Dolly: What an entirely meaningless thing for you to base your self-worth on

Dolly: We only had 2 years left anyway, then what, you still lose your whole personality when you enter the real world

Lulu: Then we would’ve had actual freedom, away from mummy & daddy

Dolly: That’s how it is now

Lulu: But it isn’t, there’s no we now, you’ve separated us

Lulu: & in your selfish desperation to do that, you’ve brought me back to her

Dolly: You want that, you always have, no one has made you react like this

Lulu: You broke my heart, I don’t know how else to react! I’m sorry I can’t tailor this suffering to become a perfectly executed fuck you to our mother, I haven’t quite reached that level of psychopathy, I’m afraid 

Dolly: I can’t fake it anymore

Lulu: You shouldn’t have to, I’m your sister

Dolly: You made us cross boundaries that make that irrelevant now

Lulu: We’re twins, boundaries are for half & step

Dolly: You still don’t respect what anyone else wants

Dolly: I never wanted that, you forced closeness that wasn’t natural

Lulu: I didn’t force a single thing

Lulu: & you wanted Gabe, you obviously still want him

Dolly: You’re the one that met him

Lulu: Your enthusiastic consent filled the room, we all remember

Dolly: Because I knew you’d not let me strike out on my own, it had to be together

Lulu: Because you enjoyed it

Dolly: You shouldn’t have been there

Lulu: Convenient excuse now that neither of you want me to be

Dolly: How do you not feel sickened 

Lulu: Okay, maybe you do need to get out more

Lulu: people are more intimate with complete strangers, no one is calling them out

Dolly: You wouldn’t know intimacy if it stared you in the face

Dolly: I blocked out the fact you were there, however hard you persisted 

Lulu: How beastly of you

Lulu: what you mean is, you’re persisting in telling yourself you tried to, because you can’t accept what’s staring you in the face

Lulu: none of it happened against your will

Dolly: I wanted experiences, I wanted Gabe and I wanted [this teacher]

Dolly: I didn’t want you but you forced yourself into this as you did everything

Lulu: You want someone to blame

Dolly: If that were true, you’d have known about [the teacher]

Dolly: I didn’t want you, how many ways can I say and show it, you didn’t let me do a fucking thing by myself until I made it happen

Lulu: If that were true & you were devastatingly unhappy, what took you so long?

Dolly: Said as if you’re not still clinging to a devastatingly toxic relationship with our mother

Dolly: You know why

Lulu: I know you’re exhausting

Lulu: if I was the mastermind of some great plot to turn you & Gabe into my vision, you wouldn’t be this weak, you’d be my equal 

Lulu: you clung to me & I had to protect you because one of us should get to stay soft

Dolly: You think you’re strong

Lulu: Needs must, she won’t break me, I’ll beat her

Lulu: in too many ways I already can

Dolly: And what an adversary

Dolly: you’re picking a life-long battle with the saddest woman who ever lived, get a grip

Lulu: I’m surviving the nonsense you sacrificed me to in order to feel like you’d won against her yourself for once with your pathetic teacher fucking shots fired

Lulu: your scandal was as sad as any stunt she’s pulled

Dolly: I wasn’t making a scandal happen

Dolly: I don’t think like you two, thinking you’re playing chess when you’re just playing yourselves

Lulu: You don’t think, period, you can leave the sentence there

Dolly: You’re jealous that you weren’t picked to be someone’s Lolita, that’s the sad truth we’re all meant to ignore

Dolly: You wish it was you so bad

Lulu: If I cared about having him at all, I could have

Lulu: my priority was [the name of their school], not a bland series of sexual encounters which poor sir has undoubtedly blocked out

Dolly: Sure, Lulu

Dolly: then you’ll have no trouble keeping Gabe all for yourself and we don’t even need to have this conversation

Lulu: The uncomfortable truth we’re all meant to ignore is you destroyed a man’s life for fun & then cried groomer when it wasn’t

Dolly: You would need to take that perspective

Lulu: It’s valid, you’ve admitted to wanting him, wanting to escape my suffocation, he’s hardly the predator, is he?

Dolly: He got caught, and faced no consequences 

Dolly: the fantasy you have of me crying myself to sleep over it is because you’d rather I was traumatised than betray you, which is the real truth

Lulu: I’d rather you or I were dead, which can be arranged any time

Dolly: Grow up, for God’s sake

Dolly: We are to each other, that’s what matters

Lulu: What matters is, you left me

Lulu: I’m traumatised by that & you’re blatantly unphased

Dolly: We have nothing in common

Lulu: Because you’re obsessed with the idea of distancing yourself from me

Dolly: Because we’re nothing alike, no amount of forcing made it true

Lulu: Your determination to disregard whatever similarities exist doesn’t mean they aren’t there

Dolly: You’re traumatised by losing an extension of yourself, you don’t know me, you didn’t bother getting to know me as a person

Lulu: Don’t be ridiculous, I spent our whole childhoods with you doing that

Dolly: You decided everything she didn’t

Dolly: Neither of us had a personality not corrupted by her awful decisions 

Dolly: then you micromanaged the shit too small for her to care about, our favourite colour, our favourite toys

Lulu: For god’s sake, I’m not an extension of her

Lulu: I’m sorry I cared about you when it’s apparently a huge sin or something

Dolly: No need to apologise for something you didn’t do

Lulu: Wow, okay

Dolly: Everyone in our house hates each other, there’s nothing about it worthy of saving

Lulu: I loved you

Lulu: I just wanted you to feel loved

Dolly: Jesus

Lulu: Our parents weren’t going to, who does that leave?

Dolly: You deserve to get better, to get help

Lulu: You can have him, even though you deserve way better

Dolly: He can make up his own mind, it isn’t up to either of us

Lulu: Hilarious, what mind? He’s an idiot

Dolly: He still gets to live his own life, we all do

Lulu: I’m done with mine, but you two go ahead

Lulu: live happily ever after

Dolly: Don’t be ridiculous

Lulu: I was being overly optimistic, on purpose, if anything, I give your summer fling a fortnight at most before you realise he’s a bore

Dolly: I know him as well as you do

Lulu: Best of luck & best wishes, naturally 😘

Dolly: You can save the condescension, this is exactly how I knew you’d react

Lulu: I’d work on my last words but there’s very little point, my reaction will speak for itself, you’re right

Dolly: If you want to threaten to kill yourself to keep a boy, that’s your business

Lulu: It isn’t a threat or about him but your continued misinterpretation of me is none of my business

Dolly: It’s entirely unoriginal, is what it is

Lulu: I’m aware of that, but there’s also very little point to carrying out a unique suicide, if such a thing exists

Dolly: You learnt every move from her and she’s the stupidest person we know

Dolly: and still alive, despite all her insistences otherwise, so

Lulu: Not every move, the final one will hopefully go differently

Dolly: Good luck with that

Lulu: Thanks 😊

Dolly: I’ll call the ambulance and you can explain why you’re wasting everybody’s time

Lulu: I’ve only wasted my own trying to talk to you

Dolly: Every threat you make is idle, you’re like a child

Dolly: do you want to be the sad middle-aged woman who’s never had a job and has a relationship that rivals a tween girl’s?

Lulu: Foreign as my desires are to you, I’m not surprised you’d ask

Dolly: No one deserves a drain on their life and savings more than our parents

Lulu: Unfortunately, those aren’t my intentions

Lulu: still, there’s always Mattie when she’s old enough for a mid-life crisis

Dolly: Why not

Lulu: Mummy & I aren’t the same shoe size & I’d loathe living in her skin it’s awfully stretched

Dolly: Room for you both

Lulu: She’d eat me, her appetite is uncontrollable

Dolly: You have that in common too

Lulu: Your list doesn’t give me anything to live for, please don’t consider a future career as a therapist

Dolly: As I said, I’m well aware you need professional help, there’s nothing I can do for you

Lulu: & therefore you’ve washed your hands for your own sanity, what a frightful cliché

Dolly: I’ll live

Lulu: As I said, one of us should

Dolly: Talk to him, I’m sure it’ll have the desired effect

Lulu: For who? You and your desire to be the bigger person

Dolly: Yours to keep him, which is why you’re here

Lulu: Mine has changed, you keep him

Dolly: Whatever

Lulu: Romantic, I understand why he’s smitten 😍🥰

Dolly: Clearly you don’t

Lulu: He believes you’re forbidden, that I forbid it, but no, I don’t

Dolly: He wants to sleep with someone who doesn’t just lie there, that’s all

Dolly: There’s no big secret

Lulu: He wants you again, there’s no big secret he had the time of his life before & now uni is a bore & he’s sulking

Dolly: There had to be incentive for him to do it

Lulu: You’re the carrot & I’m the stick, I’m sure he took all of a second to feed you that unoriginal narrative favoured by old married men globally 🙄

Dolly: You never liked him, I don’t know why you’d be offended now the feeling is more mutual

Lulu: I’m not, him walking out is the most thrilling thing he’s ever attempted, which isn’t saying much, but he doesn’t offer much by way of entertainment

Dolly: How sad for you

Lulu: Hence baby’s first suicide attempt, do keep up

Dolly: I’d rather not, this is boring

Lulu: Agreed 🥱

Dolly: Tell him he can come back over when you’ve stopped playing for time

Lulu: Tell him yourself

Dolly: Sure

Lulu: [goodbye in whatever weird made up twin language you used to have when you were children no doubt because she is unhinged and fully intends to do this unlike Chlo’s attention seeking ass, soz girl we’re not letting you succeed but I’m sure you almost did]

Dolly: [oh hun, what would you like to do next gal gal]

Gabe: Don’t shoot the messenger if you don’t want to

Gabe: but I thought you should know she’s in hospital

Dolly: Right

Dolly: I’m sorry you had to find her

Gabe: It’s a good thing someone did

Dolly: It shouldn’t have been you

Gabe: Your parents aren’t here, they couldn’t have

Dolly: No, I should have just called the damn ambulance like I said though

Gabe: Wait, you knew she was going to do this?

Dolly: Not exactly, she makes threats all the time

Gabe: Well, you could’ve warned me

Gabe: I had to call one, with the fucking language barrier

Dolly: I said sorry and I meant it

Dolly: you should’ve just called here

Gabe: I wasn’t exactly thinking straight

Dolly: it’s fine, she’s where she needs to be now

Gabe: It’s not fine, Dolly

Dolly: It’s not over you, if that’s what you’re worried about

Dolly: she said as much

Gabe: I’m worried about her, she tried to kill herself

Dolly: She’s not thinking clearly, they’ll section her now, she’ll get the help she needs

Gabe: Will she?

Dolly: It’s out of her hands now

Dolly: she’s underage so they’ll bring my parents back, that’s why she’s done it

Gabe: They’re in [the wrong place because why would you remember], right?

Dolly: Somewhere like that

Dolly: You can go home, you shouldn’t feel bad, none of this mess is yours

Gabe: I can’t without seeing her first

Dolly: I don’t know if they’ll let you, I’ve never visited anyone in hospital

Gabe: I don’t know either, what anyone in this fucking country is saying

Dolly: Now’s not the time to lecture you on practising your English

Dolly: whatever you saw, it’s fucked you up, I know

Gabe: It was horrible

Dolly: I know

Gabe: How could she do it to herself?

Dolly: She’s not well

Gabe: She wasn’t that unwell, I didn’t think so

Dolly: I mean, she was born that unwell

Dolly: she didn’t want you to see her like that, I’m sure

Gabe: & now I’ll never be able to unsee her like that

Dolly: It’s selfish

Gabe: She wasn’t thinking about me

Dolly: Or anyone but herself

Gabe: Yeah

Dolly: I’m just exhausted

Gabe: She must’ve felt the same

Dolly: Nah

Gabe: I just mean, in a desperate state to do what she did

Dolly: She lives in a desperate state

Dolly: she’ll get what she wants from it, attention and concern from our mother

Gabe: Can your mother do attention or concern?

Dolly: She can fake it when required, just like Lulu

Gabe: Won’t she be able to tell it’s fake?

Dolly: It’s all we’ve known, the difference doesn’t matter

Gabe: Damn, no big surprise she’s messed up

Dolly: How is that news to you?

Gabe: It isn’t like she talks about your mother to me all the time

Dolly: No but

Dolly: you can’t have assumed we were normal

Gabe: More normal than this

Dolly: What an awkward surprise this has turned out to be

Gabe: Are your grandparents going to the hospital?

Dolly: Of course

Gabe: I’ll come over, you shouldn’t be there on your own

Dolly: You don’t have to for my sake

Dolly: I won’t hurt myself

Gabe: It’s for mine too, I don’t want to be alone

Dolly: Okay then

Gabe: Do you need anything?

Dolly: Just don’t expect me to cry or anything when you get here, yeah

Gabe: She’s your sister, I don’t expect you to feel any type of way

Dolly: I’m immune to it, numb

Dolly: it’s been a lifetime of manipulations, it’s her one move and it doesn’t work anymore

Gabe: So she’s out of moves

Dolly: The game is over but she won’t accept that because she didn’t ‘win’, whatever that means

Gabe: I felt like I won earlier

Dolly: Undoubtedly taking that away was a component if not a reason why

Gabe: You said she said it wasn’t over me

Dolly: [send him that specific message]

Dolly: She wasn’t at peace with the world and ready to leave

Gabe: Was this our fault?

Dolly: No

Dolly: She wants it to be mine for getting us thrown out of [the school]

Gabe: Maybe going home is a good idea

Dolly: I would if I had the choice

Dolly: further away than Switzerland

Gabe: You could go with me

Dolly: You’re only offering because you feel bad for me

Gabe: We both need to get away from here but that’s not it

Dolly: Now you know I’m as bad as her because I can’t bring myself to feel sorry for her

Dolly: and it’s ruined what we could’ve had, hasn’t it

Gabe: You’ve been through a lot, she’s put you through a lot

Dolly: I wasn’t even allowed to go to the bathroom without her as a kid

Gabe: Leave with me, you’re allowed space

Dolly: Where will we go?

Gabe: Your choice

Dolly: Say that you want me there, mean it

Gabe: It wasn’t goodbye, it still doesn’t have to be

Dolly: I don’t know what to tell my grandparents

Gabe: Tell them you can’t stay here, it’s too much & you need a break

Dolly: It’s not a lie

Dolly: the thought of having to be alone with just us in that house, I can’t do it

Gabe: The summer’s yours, you want to live not die

Dolly: I feel like I was only just born

Dolly: or like I was dead until [when this all came out and blew up]

Gabe: You’re a baby then

Dolly: Yeah

Dolly: take me somewhere I’ve never been, you basically have the whole world to choose from, I’m brand new

Gabe: I’ll take you lots of places, we have time for me to show you the world

Dolly: I feel happy, real excitement

Gabe: Me too

Dolly: You know how I felt earlier too, that it was real

Gabe: It doesn’t feel as real now, but we can get it back

Dolly: We have to

Dolly: she’s getting what she needs, we need to do this

Gabe: It doesn’t make me a bad person, when you put it like that

Dolly: How could you be, you were always my boyfriend too

Gabe: I was

Gabe: & she doesn’t need me, she has your parents & grandparents

Dolly: She wants to isolate me, she said you only wanted me because you thought you couldn’t

Gabe: She would say that, she doesn’t think I can do anything

Dolly: I haven’t stopped thinking about all the things you did, honestly

Dolly: I didn’t think I’d miss you

Gabe: Neither have I

Gabe: I missed you in the back garden, before I even really left

Dolly: I knew you’d be looking at your phone, that you’d see me deleting the messages, I didn’t want you to stop paying attention to me yet

Gabe: I want them back, say everything hot again

Dolly: I mean it all even more

Dolly: I need you so much more 

Gabe: Good girl

Gabe: that’s a good start

Dolly: You have my virginity forever, I love that

Gabe: You’re mine

Dolly: I want you to be my daddy

Gabe: My baby, I like it

Dolly: You can smoke in bed in [giving the European countries where they dgaf]

Gabe: You haven’t moved from yours & you don’t want me to

Dolly: How did you know

Gabe: Because I haven’t stopped thinking about what you could be doing

Dolly: There’s nothing else I want to do, need to

Dolly: I’ll kiss you every time you exhale, until you want me as much as nicotine

Gabe: I’m not addicted, but to you, maybe

Dolly: Your lungs are welcome, I’m so much better for you

Gabe: Are you? You take my breath away

Dolly: 😏 You’ve got all the lines, huh

Gabe: You make it sound like I’m playing games & making moves too

Dolly: You are refreshingly straightforward

Gabe: Thanks? 😏

Dolly: No translation error, I mean it as the best compliment I can give

Gabe: She’d mean it like I’m stupid, but I know you don’t

Dolly: She has an inflated opinion of her own intelligence 

Dolly: praise from teachers could be relied upon, I guess

Gabe: We don’t want to talk about her though

Dolly: I know I don’t

Gabe: I know what you want, you’ve been straightforward about it yourself

Dolly: It’s a newly found freedom but one I’m already liking a lot

Dolly: asking for what I want, not being told

Gabe: So ask me for something

Dolly: Bring [some kind of red wine that y’all would know the name of because you’re posh and European]

Gabe: Where am I going to find that?

Dolly: There might be some there

Dolly: check the cellar, [point him in the general direction, it’s more like a cabinet ‘cos your parents are living off their parents so you’re not crazy rich living]

Gabe: [take some pics of their terrible taste in wine/all drinks undoubtedly when you do find said cabinet haha because they suck]

Dolly: 🙄

Dolly: Okay, there’s a shop at the end of [giving this road y’all live along, you get the vibe, it’s London, it won’t be far]

Gabe: Take off your clothes, after this I’m not going to waste any more time

Dolly: Oh, I see 😳

Gabe: Let me see you’ve done what I told you to

Dolly: I’m not used to taking those kind of pictures but I’ll try

Dolly: [and do, being cutely awkward about it]

Gabe: You’re a natural

Dolly: I’ll get better at it

Gabe: While you’re waiting for me, it’ll give you something to do

Dolly: When you first met me, what did you think?

Gabe: You were sexy

Gabe: & I wasn’t wrong

Dolly: You make me laugh

Gabe: No joke

Dolly: I was so nervous, I can’t believe I was sexy

Gabe: I couldn’t tell

Dolly: You were nice, you made it good for me

Gabe: It wouldn’t have been for me if it wasn’t for you, I’d be able to tell that

Dolly: You don’t play games

Gabe: I try not to

Dolly: Me too, now I get to decide

Gabe: What did you think?

Dolly: I’d been told all about you beforehand, obviously

Dolly: it was exciting to have someone to talk to, someone to be close to, especially a boy

Gabe: We were close, I’ve missed that so much

Dolly: It was hard, wanting to be closer

Dolly: but there were no secrets, couldn’t be

Dolly: you understand why I did what I did, don’t you?

Gabe: Of course I do

Dolly: Now, we can be as close as we want

Dolly: as close as earlier

Gabe: Closer, we’ll be in a different country soon

Dolly: Alone

Gabe: Me & [her pet name]

Dolly: Better than my name 😍

Dolly: by far

Gabe: You don’t like it when I call you by your name?

Dolly: Hmm

Dolly: We might have to test that out

Gabe: [voice note her saying her name in as many different tones as you can think of]

Dolly: Oh

Dolly: I’ve never liked my name before, what have you done

Gabe: Nothing yet, compared to what I’m going to

Dolly: Please 

Gabe: First, [the name of this wine he is buying rn]

Dolly: Thought it would help us destress but I just need you for that

Gabe: You’re like my own private stress ball, yeah 

Dolly: You can touch me all over, I won’t move or anything, promise

Gabe: You’ll move, you can’t help it

Dolly: Maybe but I’d try very hard to be good before I did

Gabe: That’s very true & I don’t mind when you have to

Dolly: It’ll be against you only

Gabe: Into me, to get us closer

Dolly: You don’t need to pin me, it’s exactly where I want to be

Gabe: For all of summer

Dolly: School will be so dull

Gabe: Uni too

Dolly: What’s your plan when you’re done?

Gabe: Plans change, why would I make one yet?

Dolly: Fair point

Gabe: In my head I’ve dropped out 100s of times

Gabe: made 100s of other decisions

Dolly: You’re taking it as it comes

Dolly: nothing is guaranteed

Gabe: You’re an insanely intelligent newborn

Gabe: What am I going to do with you?

Dolly: Have the best summer ever?

Gabe: The best because you are

Dolly: I’m not

Dolly: but I’m going to be good for you

Gabe: Are you calling me a liar?

Dolly: Your crush is making you biased

Gabe: And now you’re calling this a crush

Dolly: Are you saying you don’t have a crush on me?

Gabe: I did, it’s turned into more than that

Dolly: Stay with me tonight

Gabe: I won’t even go to the back garden without you

Dolly: Your lap is the perfect place to be, inside and outside

Gabe: Inside you or not

Dolly: Always inside me, I’m missing you badly

Gabe: Let me see how badly

Dolly: [send him a pic of your boobs that are covered in lovebites from him]

Dolly: See?

Gabe: Look what you made me do

Dolly: You should do more, I think

Gabe: What else are you thinking?

Dolly: How loud you made me

Gabe: There’s no one to hear you scream, you can be louder

Dolly: Shit

Dolly: You could do anything you wanted to me

Gabe: In any room

Dolly: Every room, you have to

Gabe: & outside

Dolly: The neighbours can know who I belong to, who’s looking after me

Gabe: Who your daddy is

Dolly: No one else has ever cum in my pussy

Gabe: Why didn’t he?

Dolly: He was paranoid in every way, funny considering how easily we got caught in the end

Dolly: how I know all about deleting messages

Gabe: He’s made what we’ve got more special

Dolly: It ruins the moment, having to stop so you can put a condom on

Dolly: you trust that I’m not stupid like that

Gabe: You don’t need to trap me, I want to be here

Dolly: 😁

Gabe: Do it for real

Dolly: [do because like your sister you do be smiling like that]

Gabe: Your teeth can’t be English, no wonder I forget you are

Dolly: Charmer 😆

Dolly: do I sound different to the [whatever nationality the girls at his uni would likely be] when I moan?

Gabe: I can’t remember how they sound, only how you do

Dolly: Get used to it, it’s the soundtrack of your summer now

Gabe: Getting used to that will take me the whole summer

Dolly: Good

Dolly: I can’t get used to having you all to myself yet

Gabe: I keep expecting her to appear, think I see her out the corner of my eye

Dolly: Me too

Gabe: But that’ll stop, it didn’t happen earlier

Dolly: You had my full attention, anyone could have appeared and I wouldn't give a shit

Gabe: Your grandparents could’ve, I wouldn’t have known

Dolly: 🥺 Now I NEED proof you like me that much

Gabe: More proof?

Dolly: You making me cum in front of an audience we don’t know is there, yes, desperately 

Gabe: What size audience?

Dolly: Will depend where we are, what we’re meant to be doing instead

Dolly: You’re showing me the world

Gabe: What if I was meant to be playing a sold out stadium, would I still have your full attention?

Dolly: Fuck

Dolly: You know the answer

Gabe: I need to hear you say it

Dolly: I’d be more focused on you than I have ever been

Gabe: Because of you I’m the horniest I’ve ever been

Dolly: Unashamedly proud 😁😁😁😁

Gabe: Don’t smile at my suffering

Dolly: Poor Gabe

Gabe: Poor you too if it takes me 2x longer to come back

Gabe: there’s no way you could stand right now

Dolly: No, you have to be quick, I don’t want to be alone now

Dolly: You can make me, fair is fair

Gabe: I already know I can make you do whatever I like

Dolly: I want you to know, have that power

Dolly: it’s yours now, use it

Gabe: I’m about to use you, slut

Dolly: Your slut

Dolly: do you like that too?

Gabe: A lot

Dolly: As much as I like being used by you

Gabe: No, you like it way more

Dolly: You know exactly how much I like that

Gabe: You love it, don’t you?

Dolly: There’s so much that I should be worrying about in my life right now but it’s all I can think about 

Dolly: Nothing else has touched the sides, stopped me feeling numbed out

Gabe: You’re going to feel something when I get there

Dolly: Save me from the worst summer ever

Dolly: Or we’d both end up dead, I’m sure of it

Gabe: Only I can, of course I will

Dolly: Them leaving us alone after all this, it was the final final straw

Dolly: It’s not safe, you are

Gabe: Yeah, I’ll take good care of you

Dolly: You kid but where’s the lie 😏

Dolly: it’s exactly what I need

Gabe: I’m not kidding

Gabe: we’ll both get what we need, there’s no reason why not

Dolly: Yeah but

Dolly: you know I’m not going to do anything crazy like her, I don’t need taking care of like that

Gabe: I know how you need it

Dolly: Having a relationship with a teacher has made me paranoid too, just a tad

Dolly: everyone at that school had parental issues, it’s not like I was special for it

Gabe: You’re special to me, it isn’t like that

Dolly: You don’t have to say I am

Gabe: It’s true, I’m saying it because I mean it

Dolly: I’m not trying to be clingy, freak you out

Gabe: Neither am I

Dolly: We’re on the same page and I’m making it weird, aren’t I?

Dolly: You can make me shut up

Gabe: You didn’t turn things weird, she did

Gabe: they started out off & we’re trying to navigate all that

Dolly: It was a misstep, on her part

Dolly: you could’ve told everyone, still could

Gabe: I told you before, I made mistakes too

Gabe: I’m not blameless

Dolly: Neither am I, obviously

Dolly: It was gradual, after all, at first she was alright with just letting me report back, say what it was like kissing you, then she’d ‘accidentally’ walk in… we both know how it ended

Gabe: By the end we were both in too deep

Dolly: Saying no didn’t occur, some fucking how

Gabe: She’s hard to say no to

Dolly: I would’ve been punished, the end goal was to both lose our virginities to you, I knew that, if it was all for nothing she would’ve been unbearable

Gabe: I can’t regret us

Dolly: I don’t, Gabe

Gabe: Whatever else happened, we still did that & I’m never going to feel sorry

Dolly: You were perfect

Dolly: my grades plummeted for a while there, I couldn’t stop daydreaming

Gabe: It felt like I had to have imagined it

Dolly: Do you believe in me now?

Gabe: This is too real now

Dolly: Just right

Dolly: being with you, being your [the pet name he calls her], feels like exactly what I should be doing

Gabe: A summer you can daydream about when it’s over

Dolly: I’ll need the memories to cope

Gabe: They’ll get me through too, we’re in this together

Dolly: Are we really going, you swear 

Gabe: Book somewhere or start to pack, we’ll be leaving whenever you’re ready to

Dolly: You lasted longer in my house than any person should have to

Gabe: Those props are yours, I was hardly there in comparison

Dolly: She needs someone new to share the cell with

Dolly: My release date is in sight

Gabe: Your grandparents’ house is in sight again

Dolly: I’ll stop packing to let you in, perhaps

Gabe: I’m no longer just a guest, I’ll let myself in

Dolly: Wow, very bold

Dolly: what are you now then?

Gabe: Who, I’m [whatever she called him during their hookup that was giving pet name turned !!]

Dolly: That’s right 😳

Gabe: & your daddy

Dolly: Just mine

Gabe: No more sharing

Dolly: No one else is invited

Gabe: Except to watch, as our audience

Dolly: What are hotels for

Gabe: Balconies are built for the purpose

Dolly: I’m built for that

Gabe: You truly are

Dolly: I can feel you picturing my body right now

Gabe: You have the hottest body

Dolly: It’s hot for you

Gabe: I remember

Dolly: Remembering what you did to me has me so close 

Gabe: Get closer

Gabe: be touching yourself when I come in

Dolly: Yes, daddy

Gabe: Good girl

Dolly: Where do you want me? 

Dolly: This whole place is begging to be used

Gabe: How far do you think you’ll be able to get from your bed?

Dolly: You bending me over the stove is VERY good motivation but you’re right

Dolly: if I fall down the stairs now I’ll end up locked up too

Gabe: It doesn’t matter, you’ll be so wet I’ll be able to hear it from downstairs, stay where you are

Dolly: Am I loud?

Gabe: The loudest

Dolly: Is that okay?

Gabe: How could I be anything but into you wanting me that much?

Dolly: I don’t know, I don’t want to give you potential reasons why when I’d rather keep being this blatant

Gabe: Be bold with me

Dolly: There’s nothing or no one to stop us being here

Gabe: Or anywhere else

Dolly: No teachers, other jealous girls

Dolly: you can treat me how I need you to

Gabe: No interruptions

Dolly: I don’t know how we ever got away with it

Gabe: We did what we had to

Gabe: & now what we have to do is fuck 24/7

Dolly: I’ll be so sore by the time I come back here

Gabe: Something to remember me by

Dolly: 🥺 Don’t make me think about that yet

Gabe: Stop thinking

Dolly: All I’m allowed to think about is all the ways I can make you cum

Gabe: You can try

Dolly: Keeping count is keeping me from it myself

Gabe: There’s only a short countdown left until nothing will keep you from it

Dolly: I’m so exposed, if anyone else walked in, I’d be dead

Gabe: You’d be caught & called a naughty girl instead

Dolly: Heaven forbid

Gabe: I know, you just want to be good

Dolly: I’m trying so hard

Gabe: My poor baby

Dolly: You’re teasing

Gabe: I’ve kept you waiting for such a long time, haven’t I?

Dolly: What do I need to do to make you want me again?

Gabe: Remind me what’s waiting for me

Dolly: [send him a boomerang-length video so how much more !! you are is obvious]

Gabe: I’m [very nearby] but I can’t hear you

Dolly: [voicenote where you’ve purposefully put the phone just that bit too far away so it’s only catching sounds here and there]

Gabe: [actually do show up because you aren’t slay enough to prolong this any further, just know that for this ensuing hookup I’m fully picturing the vibe of Queenie and Guy’s first one aka thinking he’s so daddy and dom but kinda flopping, including thinking he’s going down on her iconically but it lasts literally for a sec before he stops to initiate said hookup and he’s lowkey in the wrong place haha]

Dolly: [when you try your best but you don’t succeed, lmao, too real, good thing you were close because of the insanity of the situation and you’re too sold on this idea of running away for all the reasons that you can’t back out now lol, gotta do the most you can with this]

Gabe: [soz girl but mediocre sex aside he will actually offer you the escape you need rn however long we let that last, soz again hun because obvs I fully imagine y’all running away and it eventually going tits up like mine and Trace’s euro trip ngl cos y’all are not it for each other and there is only so long you can both pretend and ignore the fact]

Dolly: [it’s clearly not last/barely making the whole hols and then that’s that on that, so I shall post this and we can decide what we wanna do next, go us]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Golly

Gabe: [Obvious note to ourselves that this is all in Swiss French unless I indicate otherwise because this boy can speak some English but he isn’t going to with her when he never has and she’s fluent, also, this is during his summer visit sometime, pre sulu, until/unless we skip]

Gabe: When are you 2 going to make up? 

Gabe: it’s me who suffers most 💔

Dolly: Poor Gabe 🙄

Dolly: You know you benefitted more than you ever should have to complain now

Gabe: Your defensive 🙄 has no benefit

Gabe: shouldn’t I miss you?

Dolly: You miss the situation, not me

Gabe: I said you, I mean you

Dolly: We don’t know each other, not really

Dolly: We’re not making up though, to answer that question and stop you from getting your hopes up that we will

Gabe: We do when you don’t pretend not to

Dolly: You think I’m the one pretending?

Dolly: You’re there with the queen of

Gabe: You won’t see me, I can’t be anywhere with you

Dolly: Of course I can’t see you, it reminds me of the humiliating and degrading things that happened

Gabe: How can you paint it to all be so bad?

Dolly: It might not be for you, your sibling wasn’t there

Dolly: it’s literally a crime, not to mention all the moral disgust 

Gabe: She doesn’t have to be there now

Dolly: You don’t think this is being read over your shoulder?

Dolly: or will be once you’re in the shower, textbook move

Gabe: I don’t think she’ll care, not like we do

Dolly: Her version of events is I ruined her whole life, you’re the one thing she’s still got

Gabe: Right, I’m a thing to her

Gabe: you’re different, you don’t view me that way

Dolly: You don’t need to tell me how she treats people

Dolly: you do know you don’t have to stay with her though, yeah? There’s a whole world of girls out there, you’re aware of that much

Gabe: I don’t need to tell you why I’m still here

Gabe: what for, you know

Dolly: You think we’ll make up and it’ll go back to how it was

Dolly: I’m never going back to her, I can’t

Gabe: Come back to me

Gabe: it can be however you want, you making the decisions for a change

Dolly: You’d be as bored of me as you are her

Gabe: I wouldn’t

Dolly: Yeah right

Dolly: There will be other girls who will have threesomes with you, you’re not terrible 

Gabe: I have other girls

Gabe: but none of them are you

Dolly: Now who’s talking about people like things 😏

Gabe: Think about it, okay?

Gabe: all I ask

Dolly: That’s not all you’re asking for

Gabe: We could be good together

Gabe: isn’t a fresh start why you left?

Dolly: Me and you isn’t a fresh start!

Dolly: That’s going back to nearly all my old ways

Gabe: I’d help you get over [the teacher]

Gabe: who else’s offering you that?

Dolly: How generous of you

Dolly: you think I’m hung up on [the teacher]?

Gabe: I’m over you cheating on me, willing to give you another chance

Dolly: I don’t think you can really cheat on someone who’s going out with your twin at the same time

Dolly: it was all bullshit, ridiculous fantasy

Gabe: Not all of it

Dolly: I feel bad, about everything that happened, you don’t need to make me, I already do, all the time

Gabe: We both had to go along with her fantasies to get closer but you don’t have to feel bad anymore, we can both be done with doing that

Gabe: follow our own

Dolly: You should

Dolly: but if she could realistically accuse me of stealing you, I don’t even know what she’d do

Gabe: I’m trying to

Gabe: I think about you all the time

Dolly: You shouldn’t think about me

Dolly: You really do deserve better than this

Gabe: We deserve this chance I’m giving you

Dolly: You think you can get things back to how they were, talk me ‘round

Gabe: We owe it to each other to see where this could go

Gabe: you didn’t even say goodbye properly

Dolly: I didn’t exactly get the chance

Dolly: the school and my parents conspired to have us out of there before a scandal could erupt

Gabe: I’m here now, so are you

Dolly: And you see how I can’t be around you

Gabe: You can’t be around her

Gabe: I’ve stopped asking you to

Dolly: This is how it always was, this isn’t new

Dolly: there is no being alone

Gabe: We can be alone where you’re hiding from me

Dolly: My Grandparents? No we really can’t 😅

Gabe: Somewhere else in this city then

Gabe: just once, just us

Dolly: We did do it just us once

Dolly: you don’t remember the hoops we had to jump through for forgiveness

Gabe: I remember it being worth all of them

Dolly: You think she won’t care but she will, in the weirdest way, she thinks it makes us close, do you not find it all insanely creepy?

Gabe: I don’t care & I know you feel the same

Dolly: I’m done with her forcing intimacy

Gabe: I’ll be done with her, say that’s what you want & I am

Dolly: Come on, you know you have it there on a plate

Dolly: I’m not being mean, that’s the whole point, how and why would you resist

Gabe: I’d resist for you

Dolly: Mhmm 🙃

Dolly: You only resisted other girls at [the school] because their parents might actually get you in trouble 

Gabe: Come on, that isn’t true

Dolly: You’re only human

Dolly: How is it there, after we left?

Gabe: Dramatic

Dolly: Yeah

Gabe: But preferable to this place

Dolly: England or my house specifically?

Gabe: What am I shown of England other than your house?

Dolly: Can’t you convince her to take you sight-seeing

Gabe: I don’t want to go sightseeing with her & you don’t want to show me around 💔

Dolly: I’m not convinced you want to 🎡📸

Dolly: and I’m not the one claiming to be good company, I’m not, everything is terrible in that house

Gabe: I want to spend time with you, how else can I convince you of that when this is the longest convo we’ve had since [whenever]?

Dolly: I told you, she’d probably kill herself if I took you from her, even to go see Big Ben

Dolly: it is kind of nice to be able to speak to you with only one voice but that’s as far as it can go

Gabe: Don’t be silly, of course she wouldn’t

Dolly: You think she’s sane, you’re really betting on her mental state, yeah?

Gabe: You’re hiding behind her still

Dolly: No I’m not

Gabe: It’s an excuse, you could let yourself have this

Gabe: we could be happy

Dolly: You’re at Uni, we’re in different countries now

Dolly: Why do you even want me at all?

Gabe: More excuses

Gabe: you say you remember how it was when it was just us, those are my reasons

Dolly: You can’t just swap rooms, swap sisters

Dolly: We can’t pretend 

Gabe: I can’t pretend I don’t feel these things

Dolly: We’re just frustrated, you won’t die

Gabe: You won’t care if I do

Dolly: Don’t be pouty about it

Dolly: I do care about you, you’re another casualty of this bullshit

Gabe: You don’t care that it’s been you all along

Gabe: that I played along with all of it for you

Dolly: Yes I do, I can’t explain how guilty that makes me feel

Gabe: Guilty isn’t how I want you to feel, why I’m telling you

Dolly: Being unable to stand up to her, make my own decisions, none of those reasons make good enough excuses for what I did, for letting you get involved

Gabe: So stop making them

Dolly: It’s over now, I made it stop

Gabe: We’re not until you agree to meet me

Gabe: either for a real goodbye or hi, I’ve missed you too

Dolly: I didn’t think I’d see you again

Gabe: If you don’t want to again after, that’s your decision

Dolly: She’s using you to punish me, you know

Gabe: I know what she’s like, yeah

Dolly: So I can’t be there or if I have to, I have to hear you

Gabe: Tell me where to be & I’ll be there

Dolly: I’ve been trying so hard to do the right thing, always

Dolly: not just going to church because school makes us

Gabe: Didn’t it feel right, me & you without her?

Gabe: it did to me

Dolly: It felt right with [the teacher] too

Dolly: but that’s only because it was going against her wrongs, committing our own, that doesn’t make it right, does it

Gabe: All I know is how much I want you, whether it’s right or wrong

Dolly: Do you know how hard it is to stop wanting, to have to control it

Gabe: You’ve been teaching me by staying away, I do now

Dolly: At least I’m not as entirely alone as I feel on that 

Dolly: Knowing what you’re missing is the worst feeling

Gabe: Yeah

Dolly: I don’t know how to say goodbye to you, that I can

Gabe: You don’t have to, Dolly

Dolly: It’s the right thing to do, I’m meant to be doing just the right things

Gabe: Right for who?

Gabe: it wouldn’t be right for me or for you

Dolly: You’re her boyfriend now, that makes it wrong

Gabe: I’m not, she doesn’t even want me

Dolly: She needs you

Gabe: I need you

Dolly: Just my body

Gabe: I said you, I mean you

Gabe: the only part you wanted me to have was your body

Dolly: You know you were her idea at the beginning, that’s not news

Gabe: At the beginning I didn’t know her like I do now

Gabe: I didn’t know you either

Dolly: Feels like a lifetime ago now

Gabe: We can start to live a different life

Dolly: We have

Gabe: I haven’t, but I’ll change

Dolly: Don’t change for me

Gabe: Why?

Dolly: I’m not good, good enough 

Gabe: I think you are

Dolly: You’re too nice

Gabe: No, but I’d love to treat you nicer

Gabe: begin again

Dolly: Oh Gabe

Gabe: [a pet name that he only uses for her because ofc he has one that’s specific in some way to something that happened when Lulu wasn’t around or some inside joke etc]

Dolly: I’m just so fucked up, I don’t know how to trust anything

Gabe: I’m no better, she’s messed with both our heads

Dolly: I want it to feel like it’s my choice

Gabe: It is

Gabe: tell me when & where, even if that means a year from now

Dolly: Aren’t I the one that’s meant to promise I’ll wait for you

Gabe: You wouldn’t make me promises

Dolly: English people are unromantic

Gabe: I forget you’re English [typed in English]

Dolly: I forget you can speak any

Gabe: A little [also in English]

Dolly: Very good 👏

Gabe: I miss you [in English again, he’s showing off now lol]

Dolly: I miss you too now

Gabe: [switch back because you’re running out of English]

Gabe: You admitted it, that’s new

Dolly: I only said now

Gabe: Very good 👏

Dolly: I could say you’re being funny, that’s new 

Dolly: but I won’t, not very polite and you’re technically a guest

Gabe: Technically, you did say it

Dolly: I apologise

Dolly: I know you’re making the most of the hospitality on offer though

Gabe: I’ll add a proper, real sorry to what I’m waiting for

Dolly: You have a whole list now

Gabe: It won’t be long before I have, you should just meet me now before it gets any more ridiculous

Dolly: I want to so badly, that’s as hard as I have to stay away

Gabe: Please, I need to see you

Gabe: I’m losing my mind

Dolly: Try being me, I’m stuck there all the time

Dolly: and there is no one else for me, not like you

Gabe: It isn’t the same when I’m with her, you know it’s not

Dolly: It sounds like you manage

Gabe: Yeah, I make the most of it

Gabe: but it shouldn’t be this difficult, it wasn’t with you

Dolly: Difficult like how?

Gabe: Like she’s acting her way through everything & doesn’t care if I know

Dolly: Oh, yeah, that’s not fun

Gabe: It’s horrible

Dolly: Then why do you still do it?

Gabe: At least I have her if I can’t you

Dolly: Do you though

Gabe: As much as anyone’s ever going to be allowed to

Dolly: I guess so

Gabe: We’re each other’s consolation prize, she & I

Dolly: Thanks, I thought you didn’t want me to feel guilty

Gabe: I’d rather you felt that for me than feel nothing

Dolly: I’m not the same as her

Gabe: I know, she doesn’t feel guilty

Dolly: Don’t compare us

Gabe: I can’t, you don’t compare to anyone else I’ve been with

Dolly: How long is that list? 

Dolly: So I can know how flattered to be or not to be

Gabe: [give her your number, I’m not going to cos we don’t even know how old you are & I have no idea how many girls to say]

Dolly: Wow

Gabe: I tried to forget you but I can’t do that either

Dolly: That is not why you fucked [this number] girls, liar

Dolly: You’re such a sweet-talker 

Gabe: [an amount of this number which he’s saying he did specifically to try and forget her] of them

Dolly: 😁

Gabe: Don’t 😁 when it hasn’t worked

Dolly: I’m glad it hasn’t

Dolly: I’ve not learnt how to be a martyr suffering alone and in silence yet

Gabe: Enjoy mine

Dolly: I’m trying but

Dolly: it’s not enough

Gabe: Now you know how I feel

Dolly: Feels like that now more than it ever did before

Gabe: I hope it hurts you like it does me

Gabe: & you aren’t silent about it

Dolly: I want you to hear, only you, that’s the problem

Gabe: There’s no problem

Dolly: There is, this is a huge fucking problem now

Gabe: We know how to fix it

Dolly: I’m so mad at you

Gabe: You won’t be when you let me fuck that out of you

Dolly: I miss having you inside me every day

Gabe: Every day without you drags

Dolly: I can’t go back to before, before I knew these things, I’m trying so hard but 

Gabe: You can’t fight me

Dolly: I need this, you to give it to me

Gabe: Tell me where to go [+ her pet name again]

Dolly: Come here, I don’t want to move

Gabe: Don’t, I’ll be there

Dolly: What are you going to say, what’s the excuse?

Gabe: Shh, let me worry about it

Dolly: It’s too late to care now

Gabe: I care more about giving you what you need

Dolly: It’s been the worst, nothing could make it worse at this point, it’s all blown up

Gabe: I’ll make this 1 thing so much better you’ll forget about everything else for a while

Dolly: What was everyone at the school saying about me?

Gabe: They hate on you or hate they weren’t you

Dolly: Is he still there

Gabe: He left when you left

Dolly: Only so much even they can ignore

Gabe: He hasn’t been in touch?

Dolly: Of course not

Gabe: Why’d you do it?

Dolly: To have something for myself, to get away from her, because he wanted me, a combination and more maybe, I don’t know

Gabe: But why not me? I wanted you

Dolly: You wouldn’t get me away from her

Gabe: You didn’t even try to stand up to her & see what would happen

Gabe: maybe it would’ve worked, been enough & we’d still be in the same country

Dolly: Nothing would work but the nuclear option

Dolly: I tried, I’ve tried my whole life

Gabe: You could’ve come to me instead of shutting me out

Dolly: I didn’t think I could trust anyone, I don’t, that’s not the life I’ve led

Gabe: True, your parents are fucked

Dolly: Yep

Gabe: I’ve done the wrong things too

Dolly: Have you?

Gabe: With her, because of her

Gabe: column a & b

Dolly: If you wanted, you could tell everyone, she can’t blackmail you

Dolly: you know you can stop any time you want

Gabe: It’s complicated, she makes sure it’s very

Gabe: makes it hard to stop, she can make me think I don’t want to

Dolly: I don’t wanna talk about it

Gabe: Me either

Dolly: God’s sake

Gabe: If I hadn’t met her though, I wouldn’t you

Dolly: That was my point, why this doesn’t work

Gabe: You’re separate now

Dolly: The history will never be

Gabe: You were to me the whole time

Dolly: Bullshit

Gabe: I couldn’t have liked you more if I saw you & her as identical, could I?

Gabe: you’re completely different from each other

Dolly: You would say that now

Gabe: I’d have said it then too if you talked to me

Dolly: Talking wasn’t really the point, for any of us

Gabe: It isn’t too late, look at us talking a lot

Dolly: Too late for what?

Gabe: Anything

Dolly: Way too late for a lot of things, don’t get ideas

Gabe: Okay fine, I’ll stick with the ideas you’re going to like

Dolly: Smart thinking

Gabe: Your grandparents were smart to live so near to your parents

Dolly: A necessity, remember how fucked my parents are

Gabe: Yeah a necessity, you need me inside you

Dolly: I can say please, you said it first

Gabe: You’ll end up saying it more than once

Dolly: Please be right

Gabe: It’ll feel right

Dolly: I remember how it feels

Gabe: You remember how many girls you fuck better than

Dolly: [giving it as a fraction and a percentage because gave you those two numbers]

Gabe: That’s right

Dolly: If you were French French, you’d say I was better than all of them, amateur

Gabe: I did 

Dolly: then I think you might be worse at maths than me

Gabe: Well, I didn’t say I was good at it

Dolly: I don’t care about maths

Gabe: Where are your grandparents & when are they going to be back?

Dolly: Let me worry about that

Gabe: I spy their car isn’t there, I’m not worried

Dolly: They know who you are, it doesn’t matter

Gabe: Are you really not going to move?

Dolly: Depends, really

Gabe: Don’t you want to greet me as your guest?

Dolly: You’re upset I didn’t pick you up from the airport

Gabe: Get up & show me in

Dolly: [do get up and go to this door so he doesn’t look like he’s just letting himself in here lmao, the least casual door opening of all time nbd]

Gabe: [excuse them everyone shamelessly about to hook up on this day, it simply cannot be helped, so follow her into this house in the least casual manner anyone has ever despite technically not doing anything yet, could cut this TENSION with a knife or some fabric scissors lol lol]

Dolly: [never said this girl wasn’t fucked too, especially this soon in the aftermath of it all, you are the weird twins after all lmao, best get somewhat in this door though for your grandparents’ sake not because you personally care at all in this moment, drag him up to the room you invariably have here and slam that door behind you with the TENSION of it all, turning back to LOOK at him full !! because really didn’t bank on Lulu keeping him around even though you should’ve honestly]

Gabe: [mhmm they all are honey that’s why we’re here and this had to happen whether it’s for the final time as it unfolds rn or it inevitably does again before we end things, because while I must try and remember he doesn’t have any rizz y’all clearly have more chemistry at least than he does with Lulu and he thinks he feels whatever he does so, hence barely letting her slam that door before they’re kissing against it because he has nothing to say and much to do]

Dolly: [my boo says you can’t be too swag, resist urge lmao and she’s so right for that, nevertheless we want you right now and we’re making that happen any way we can and know how so really how drastically wrong can it go for you two, at least there is no time or need to say anything because god knows where you would start, be here taking off his t-shirt in this makeout for him, coming at him with all the energy of someone who was in two very intense ‘relationships’ and then both stopped abruptly and cold turkey]

Gabe: [it’s quite hard actually cos usually we want our characters to be the most swag and do the most so that’s what I’m used to trying to do lol, but yeah, don’t give yourselves time to talk yourselves/each other out of this or be interrupted by her insane twin, likewise take off whatever top she is wearing, which I vote he has to pull over her head too so that it gets stuck on her hair/an earring whatever just as way to show the fucks that aren’t given but also the swag he doesn’t have because this boy is only taking the second it would to make sure there is no now messed hair in the way of her mouth before kissing her again with the same energy, you won’t catch him doing loving big hair strokes, you will however catch his hands roaming with so much !! because she isn’t as skinny as her sister and he’s very into some curves that allows for, we all know that’s a reason he likes her more and a way he compares them if only in his own head]

Dolly: [it’s true but the lack of intense feelings for each other will do the heavy lifting of not taking it fully to those places, I think, we’re fine lol; ANYWAY, this girl loves a giant hoop so no doubt they are getting yanked to hell but I can’t pretend you’re going to feel a bad type of way about that in this state, letting yourself explore his body again like it’s been a million years, running your own fingers over all his muscles, GRIPPING as you also bite his lip slightly as you do a lil GASP]

Gabe: [I knew the hoop thing about her so I had to do it but yeah you’ll both just be into it rn, soz for the beard/stubble rash you’ll probably get later as a lasting reminder of this hun because that meanwhile is this boy’s signature look hence I had to make him a bit older than y’all, pull this girl’s hair in response because she also has better hair than her sister in terms of the texture being not naturally straight af so again you’re obvs about it sir, before doing your own waist GRAB to deal with pulling down/taking off whatever else she’s wearing clothes wise and just leaving her standing here in her underwear which is when you can finally bother to return her LOOK from earlier as you shamelessly check her out]

Dolly: [not the bright red mouth after, casually trying to ice roll that out of existence before your grandparents return lmao, you love to see it, just like you love to feel exposed like this, shivering not from the sudden chill, still, pulling him back towards you like come on ‘we don’t have long’ gonna be speaking in Swiss French in person too unless I make a point of specifically saying something in English]

Gabe: [imagine haha, again not something most characters have to think about because beards are gross imo so I don’t inflict them upon my boys/most of y’all are teens when we are doing things, take that unsubtle hint to hurry the fuck up and kiss her again while pulling her towards the bed, I love that you are yet to say anything sir when I know it isn’t in the way most characters don’t, you just don’t have many thoughts in your head here and now, only the obvious ones]

Dolly: [here trying to be the one to push him onto this bed before he can you, pinning him with your knees either side of him, hovering above his stomach, not initiating contact and just LOOKING at him some more ‘you said you missed me’ almost accusingly like did you really or what, still enough of a statement that it isn’t a question, tugging on his hair softly as you continue looking at him from this angle]

Gabe: [he’s allowing it so that he can basically recline on this bed because lbr he’s lazy and both of these girls are being made to do most of the work most of the time, echoing her ‘we don’t have long’ from this position in response to her LOOKING because she’s now the one wasting time, undoing what are probably jeans because he’s that sort of wannabe rockstar boy ‘yeah, I said it’ as accusingly ‘and so what?’ being added almost like a challenge/a posed question of what she’s going to do about that]

Dolly: [shaking your head and grinning at him ‘you don’t know how long we have’ because true, you only know they’re not here from the car and we’re purposefully not giving you that information, looking back over your shoulder to LOOK at him taking his jeans off, biting your lip again, falling back onto the bed and pushing so you’re reclined the other end to him ‘so show me’ absolutely a challenge]

Gabe: [‘I know it won’t be long enough’ because regardless of how much you do or don’t feel for each other actually that’s also true in the snatched moments of it all now and whenever you had them before, hence taking up that challenge and coming at her like it’s been a thousand years with how he’s stripping her naked, albeit very clumsily because he’s not swag and he’s also kissing her body in every cliche place a boy like him would, never quite doing the most but definitely believing he is ‘show me how badly you need this’ because she said that]

Dolly: [nodding because it’s real and you do feel sad about it in this moment that he’ll be gone soon but what can you say about it, again, at least there’s no need to speak when you can let your reactions to him getting you naked do all the talking, taking his hand in yours and first taking it to your nips like feel and then taking his hand close enough to you that he can feel the HEAT coming off you but not close enough to give you any kind of relief about it ‘now do you see?’]

Gabe: [smiling about all these antics because he do see it and he loves to, it’s 100% giving smug as if you don’t want her as badly if not lbr even moreso, still, get naked yourself very much in a do YOU see kind of manner, giving her a second to LOOK however limited they may be before this hookup then inevitably initiates, he will be positioning them so she’s on top for the established reason that she can do the work but also so he has an excellent view and complete access to her boobs which are clearly his fave thing about her body]

Dolly: [his name escaping your lips like you’re scandalised by what you see and can’t, as you said, wait for him to be inside you, screwing your eyes so tightly shut when he is, clamping your hands over your mouth as a force of habit before the realisation you don’t need to be quiet at all hits and you’re throwing your head back so your chest is really being thrust towards him ‘FUCK’ as a reflex to not having to hold back, no volume control about it]

Gabe: [it goes without saying that he’s obsessed with every second of this and every reaction she’s giving but especially that he didn’t have to take her hands away cos she had that realisation on her own and what she did when it hit, REALLY thrusting himself when she sticks her chest out at him like that, coming at it like a force of nature with his hands and mouth like this is the first time ever because he has never gotten over that other time or her and if this is gonna be the last time potentially then he’s making the most of it]

Dolly: [SQUEEZING yourself tighter around him because you could not be riding him harder about this, rolling your hips and bouncing your other curves against him ‘play with me, I’ve missed how rough your fingers are’ ‘cos peeps who play guitar always have callouses and he’d like you calling attention to it as much as it’s just true ‘I’m too soft’ blatantly meaning that all attempts to deal with your frustration have been impossible, hence we feel more feral than ever, taking a finger of his and sucking at it hungrily, swirling said callouses with your tongue]

Gabe: [this boy doesn’t deserve her all she’s giving atm because he’s really giving his too rn but it is simply not as slay your honour, good point about the curves he has ignored though, do grab her arse while y’all are getting into and keeping up this feral rhythm, oh my boo is SO right about how hilariously into her drawing attention to his guitar playing hands he would be, I lol, saying his own ‘fuck’ as she do but not as loud or dramatically as she said it, and obviously do also touch her as indecently as you are able because you’re not a boy who has your own ideas you’re a boy who follows these girls’ lead while trying to pretend you’re the one in control and therefore not entirely whipped as boys like to]

Dolly: [he may not but ain’t that just life lmao, can’t let that hold you back when you know what you need, leaning so far forward at his fuck that his face is being smothered right now excuse us except we aren’t even slightly sorry, somehow making the pace even more frantic as he’s touching you, moaning his name with abandon again to enjoy this newfound freedom]

Gabe: [mhmm, and he isn’t sorry about any of it either, least of all being smothered to death, calling her a good girl when she makes the pace even more !! as encouragement to keep it like that because we all know both these girls would be FERAL for that phrase + likewise adding her name too because he can and that’s the same newfound freedom for him]

Dolly: [we do know and it’s so blatant that there’s nothing to do but to lean into it as hard as you can, which is what we are doing, as well as attempting to ask him ‘how much better?’ we mean than all the other girls in his list but that’s not being made as clear as it could be because we’re too busy pressing our body into him in the places he clearly admires ‘you like how soft I am’ as an actual observation for once, as if this has only just occurred because your mother is a fat shamer so it isn’t your natural instinct to see your body as more desirable although to a lot of people it is]

Gabe: [being equally blatant about how much better she is than everyone and how much he likes her body with all of his reactions both in terms of his own noises he’s doing which I doubt are moans because a lot of boys aren’t giving that so I doubt he would, but they are as extra as he’d get to the point that he can’t do words, and the effort he’s putting into touching and fucking her when he obvs isn’t someone who is excellent at multi-tasking or putting someone else’s needs first and is clearly LOSING it with how into this hookup he is ‘the best’ coming out indecently in answer to her question eventually & it works for her observation too]

Dolly: [you can shh girl and let him focus on this because you want him to kill you as much as he wants it and you are both doing your most to make that happen here and now, just giving him all the encouragement in pure NOISE not so much words, even though you’re kissing him so hard at the words he manages to get out because can’t not be into that soz]

Gabe: [meanwhile he’s here breaking that kiss almost immediately because he wants to run his mouth suddenly telling her how sexy she is, a flop move because I’ve heard french people use our english word just with an accent so that’s what he’s doing and it SENDS me haha but also the word sexy gives me the ick when there’s so many better words which exist, I had to do it instead of just letting y’all have a makeout sesh which would be the iconic thing to do, at least the way he’s pushing her face from his and keeping her at enough distance to let him speak by holding her hair would be a hot move, you’ve redeemed yourself slightly sir because he’d 100% call her hot after because it’s just basic when again, so much else you could say]

Dolly: [can confirm they do and it’s very funny, does sound like they’re taking the piss but nope, just out here doing the most suddenly, which, again, would be different from it has been ‘cos you know Lulu was always getting involved because whole point for her so this boy actually taking any semblance of control for real is hot, basic as it is in theory, so be LOOKING at him with big eyes whilst you continue to unsubtly do the most]

Gabe: [soz he’s unintentionally hilarious just by not being english speaking, I can’t help that french is so silly, y’all are here finding it hot which is what matters, say her specific pet name, however silly/unsexy that may also be because it isn’t giving baby or anything romantic of the sort, it’s something mundane or bantsy except not to them because it’s only for them, basically coming out as a moan or as close as he’ll ever get in response to how she’s LOOKING at him and how big her eyes are before you then crash your mouths back together as if you didn’t pull apart a sec ago, he’s taking control again and dragging her face to his is the point]

Dolly: [we can’t help that French is silly, I’m sure y’all find it less silly than we do being a native speaker and fluent lmao, gotta have you calling him something you would have only called him in a bantsy/sassy manner before, like Gabey, because it’s not cute and you had to rebel however you could but you’re saying it how you never have before, changing the meaning entirely for this moment, not at all able to focus on this kiss so it’s clumsy af but you don’t care]

Gabe: [not him actually doing something and changing the position up here in this moment so that he’s on top of her because she said that and he HAS TO because DYING about it, shamelessly kissing and fucking her the hardest he ever has anyone in his life until they both can’t cope anymore and are DEAD]

Dolly: [RIP you two, me like you deserve this and do you? Kinda, it’s a weird situation and neither of you is to blame but not blameless so meh, have at it honestly, I don’t blame either of you for ending up here]

Gabe: [jemily regret nothing and neither do y’all, if nothing else he can’t bitch that he didn’t get a proper goodbye now because she did everything she could there and there’s no denying it here in the aftermath when you’re both gonna be so dead and so shook]

Dolly: [when the only time coming close to that was when y’all went off and managed to do it alone because every other time your sister and her influence has been there making you feel sick so how much could he truly do fighting against all that weirdness, just here thinking about that, and how much worse everything was because of your twin and her codependency, at least a sigh right now isn’t coming across as dramatic]

Gabe: [me just knowing that Lulu would be whispering in Gabe’s ear so poor Dolly would never know exactly what was said, oh the mental illness is strong in her, god bless, but anyway, I’m sure he’s doing his own sigh in a more authentically trying to get his breath back way so he won’t notice hers isn’t, I’m also sure that he’ll wanna smoke immediately after this because even if it wasn’t a french cliche it’s a wannabe rockstar one if that isn’t how Swiss people roll post sex, throw your clothes on so you’re not doing this inside, she knows you so she knows your rituals and what is happening, give her the 3 kisses Swiss people weirdly do instead of 2 even though you aren’t intending to leave forever yet]

Dolly: [we know it was constant mindgames and it’s why you’ll never have a relationship again but that’s not a conversation for now, even if this boy wasn’t running off to smoke, shouting ‘back garden’ after him so he’s not at the front door lest your grandparents return because he clearly looks sexed up having only just thrown his clothes back on]

Gabe: [acknowledge you’ve heard her either with a yeah or a noise equivalent and go and have your smoke break because I’m 1000% certain the insane twin has been blowing your phone up that you switched off because the only way I can imagine he left their house was by starting an argument to storm off, and you’ll look even if you don’t respond sir, I know that]

Dolly: [in that vein, be here deleting incriminating messages between y’all, which he can also see happening, because even if he thinks Lulu don’t check his phone, we know that she does, you’re welcome, boy]

Gabe: [mhmm, she is her mother’s daughter meaning absolutely unhinged, there is nothing she wouldn’t do even if this boy likes to pretend there is and she wouldn’t ever actually go as far as we all know she would]

Dolly: [that’s what I’m saying girlies]

Gabe: [he’s gonna be out there for way longer than a smoke break takes reading all these millions of messages she has flooded him with from the second he was out the door until now but do eventually come back up, even if, I fear, it’s to end up saying you g2g, sit on the end of her bed and do a more dramatic sigh of your own first though ‘sorry’ no elaboration if that’s because of how long you were in the garden or because you’re shamelessly about to leave] 

Dolly: [at least you’ve had time to get your clothes back on too and be slightly less dead and frazzled, although we can’t pretend everything is all chill, you’re in a better position to shrug, letting out the unbelieving but at the same time entirely unsurprised breath ‘your choice’ like I don’t have to go back there and talk to her, it you still out here having a relationship for reasons we do not understand]

Gabe: [‘make yours’ in an exasperated tell me what you want and you can have it tone because he’s been out here saying this whole time he’ll leave her for you and he still is]

Dolly: [‘that’s nothing to do with me’ because staying out of everything to do with her is entirely the vibe, putting your hands up like see, washed clean]

Gabe: [‘deleting my messages doesn’t from your brain’ because you still heard everything he said and know what he’s saying rn]

Dolly: [‘I did that for your benefit not mine’ like excuse me but we’re not fully fuming or anything here, hence moving closer to him like come on, putting your hand on his shoulder]

Gabe: [‘if I leave her, it’s for you’ just saying that he isn’t going to leave her unless it’s for this, okay hun, great]

Dolly: [‘why?’ as a genuine question because what are you doing babe]

Gabe: [‘because if you don’t want to be with me, she will’ true but savage, thankfully Lulu is also using you so I don’t feel bad]

Dolly: [‘so will countless girls’ nudging his shoulder with yours now like we aren’t the only girls to exist ‘you said it, we’re not in the same country anymore’ fixing his hair like you’re so casual and the reality of your situation isn’t so fresh atm]

Gabe: [‘they do’ in a but it’s not the same tone because he is slagging around uni but in his head rn they are the only girls to exist hence he can’t walk away ‘when we both finish we can be again’ because god knows how long he has left of uni but courses aren’t that long and you deffo aren’t a fresher ‘until then, we could still see each other, like we are now’]

Dolly: [doing a sad smile he can only maybe see from how you’re positioned right now because you are also stuck thinking about that time you’re only just coming out of, for better and worse ‘if I even finish school now’ ‘cos you would think you’d flop so hard because obviously the system is so different and you only have your A-levels left so that’s no time to get used to UK schooling tbh, resting your head on his shoulder now ‘I’ll see you’ quieter, smaller voice than you were using like you can’t even believe you’re saying it]

Gabe: [‘you’ll pass’ saying it flippantly like duh of course you will because he knows they are both smart and there’s no question of it in his mind, ruffling her hair and doing a lil knock on the top of her head like he’s saying hello you’ve got a big brain in there ‘and you’ll see me?’ having to repeat it as a question because he’s in disbelief and needs the confirmation]

Dolly: [swatting at him as if you’re like ugh stop it but it’s kind of the energy you’re about and thinking seriously about restarting school in September is not something you wish to do now whilst you still have summer left, burrowing your head down so you’re hiding behind his back now on this bed but he’ll feel you nodding against him for that confirmation]

Gabe: [pulling her out from behind his back with so much !! it’s again a hot move, we can’t lie, hugging her so big that they both fall back onto this bed in a heap because he’s buzzing that she’s said yes to this when he was expecting a no]

Dolly: [being equally !! because you were hiding for a reason so now you have to start a lil makeout to avoid him seeing how red you are/avoid being more serious about this ‘I just want you’ like that’s all and it’s not more than you’ve admitted to before]

Gabe: [he will be distracted by this lil makeout anyway but then that’s the green light to go harder when she says that so obvs he’s turning it into a more !! makeout, more slowly taking off her clothes than he did earlier but nevertheless taking them off again]

Dolly: [doing the kind of half grumpy half blissful groan ‘I thought you had to leave’ because that’s obviously where it was going and now you’re here getting more and more undressed]

Gabe: [‘no’ shaking his head playfully as he’s saying it like idk what gave you that idea sis, despite being very unplayful about his antics because he’s kissing her everywhere he takes a piece of clothing off of, not at all casually all over her rn]

Dolly: [‘no?’ giving are you quite sure about that but again, giving him access to parts of you he wouldn’t by shifting your weight this way and that, just very much loving this for yourself]

Gabe: [in answer be kissing her harder everywhere she’s just given you the chance to, shamelessly getting into leaving marks levels with it which you haven’t this deliberately when you were doing it earlier, boobs not included because they are definitely lovebitten but the rest of her was not]

Dolly: [‘don’t’ but from the breathless and indecent way we’re saying this, barely saying, you can tell we mean don’t leave as opposed to don’t mark me]

Gabe: [‘no?’ in the same are you sure tone, playfully mocking and copying her, but he’s as breathless and indecent as he LOOKS at her from wherever his head’s been resting whether that’s her shoulder or her chest or the crook of her neck, any of the above are plausible and a hot position to be in]

Dolly: [shaking your head because wherever he is you’ll be able to tickle/get him with your long ass hair and that’s the only defence you have right now from how WEAK this boy got you feeling]

Gabe: [the way this boy gathers up all her hair in his hand and YANKS her head back as if this a playfight and he’s so mad and so like ugh stop and yet not at all like that is undeniably another hot move, especially because then he has her entire throat and neck to kiss and he REALLY is ‘take off my clothes then’ because he’s staying but fully dressed rn]

Dolly: [not you throwing your head back again in a direct parallel to earlier, welcome for that as a visual that’s entirely deserved because we’re not okay about how hot that was, hence we’re bunching your t-shirt up in our fist before attempting to calm a little and do this reverse striptease moment slowly so he can appreciate it]

Gabe: [and appreciate it we all know he will, along with everything else, soz not soz he’s obsessed with this girl here and now, hence he cannot stop distracting her with makeouts he keeps stopping and starting as she’s trying to undress him, whenever he stops, pushing her away as his own parallel to earlier because the same way basically though he’s grabbing and then holding her face more this time with each go]

Dolly: [SO clearly into this game of push and pull y’all are having here, always coming at him with increased feral energy, as it’s summer, clearly isn’t taking you long to undress him, however much you both prolong it with these antics, when he has pushed you away for the final time and he’s as naked as you are, LAUNCHING yourself at him so hard, pillows flying off this bed with all y’alls clothes, crashing your lips into his for a makeout that is punctuated with your already turned on breathlessness]

Gabe: [mhmm, they are both living their best lives rn soz not soz my twin or the grandparents whose house this is, giving his all to this makeout sesh, in contrast to the push and pull of earlier, catch him throwing his thigh over her to pin her in place as they do because y’all’s bodies couldn’t be closer and gotta keep it like that for the 2nd hookup we’re all aware is gonna happen, definitely will doing the ultimate cliche of likewise pinning her hands above her head with his when he initiates that because both into him taking full control of things]

Dolly: [no one here is soz I’m afraid, jemily is also not soz because we love the delicious drama and you just would do this, it makes sense on every level and yeah, you are undeniably loving it right now, here making indecent eye contact with him on a whole new level because you can but also because you have no other choice in this position so you’re dying over it]

Gabe: [nobody can say it’s us causing drama for the sake of/cos Winnie is forcing us, they both would, it’s the most in character thing ever, I’m loling though because he will be dying over this eye contact literally meaning in no world is this not gonna be a much shorter hookup (not quite giving the Timmy sex scene in ladybird because I could never but) so it is a good job they had that other one and she was already turned on because otherwise you’d be like oh]

Dolly: [y’all were pushing your luck with a full round two but it was a must for that reason lol, as well as the reason of your grandparents presumably being on their way back and the reason of your phone blowing up boy, here again needing to get dressed so doing another reversal by you getting up to get his clothes from the floor pile without putting yours back on, you’re welcome ‘how long are you here?’ when your back is to him, because of course you don’t know, it’s not like Lulu warned you he would be coming]

Gabe: [tell her when you were meant to be staying until but obvs there is an unspoken but who the fuck knows now in your tone because you literally walked out on Lulu and are fully expecting her to be like um okay fuck off back to Switzerland then hun because that is what a lot of girls would do]

Dolly: [‘if you are-’ unspoken I’ll see you later at the end there as you turn back and hand him the clothes you have gathered, half shrug, because you wouldn’t be surprised if she’d keep him around to try and get her own back in a weird way, obviously, you know this bitch]

Gabe: [start putting your clothes back on like it’s casual despite nothing about this being because he knows this bitch too and I’m sure he’d rather go straight to the airport instead of deal with any of her crazy rn but doing that means he wouldn’t see this gal unless he then deliberately comes back to visit her specifically which is and would be a whole thing, hence we all know what’s actually going to happen ‘I’ll text you’ as an unspoken promise that he’ll stick around and this’ll happen again despite how casual it again sounds]

Dolly: [we truly feel for you, even though we think it’s your fault for still being involved with us at all, we know too well the pain of dealing with her crazy, hence fixing his hair is more you patting his head as you walk past to get your own clothes ‘this wasn’t goodbye?’ raising a brow because such a male move to give you something to remember him by, smirking like thank god lmao, getting your hoops stuck again when you pull your shirt back on]

Gabe: [‘it was going to be’ as he comes over to free this earring for her and is then in such ridiculously close proximity, because it was but now it can’t be because the hookup was too fire, yes I am quoting Gypsy Rose as closely as I can there haha, smirking back at her from this position of being right in her grill, tucking her hair behind the ear he freed in such a deliberate move]

Dolly: [‘yeah, it was’ because he was all but begging for it from you and was expecting you to say goodbye, which is also what you thought you’d do but here we are, somehow totally okay with it, moving your body into his, not quite a hug because you’re not putting your arms around him but close enough ‘you know how ridiculous it is that you’re going back to MY house’ like by all rights you should be allowed to go back too but we know why you’re not]

Gabe: [kissing her, not as a goodbye but a goodbye for now but we all know it’s really extra because god knows when y’all will see each other again or if you even will because one or both of you could back out a million times once he’s left this room and neither of you would be surprised in the circumstances ‘yeah, I do’ because it really is and nobody’s denying that, nevertheless catch this boy going regardless once he’s said that]

Dolly: [oh the delicious drama, win you are eating well sir]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Sulu

Sekhmet: 👋🏽✨🌸🧁🩰🎀💝👋🏽 This is like SUCH a bizarre request to have to pose that I can only assume that’s why [the head of drama/this production] is making ME do it, save the cases 💁🏽‍♀️

Sekhmet: But we need your measurements, to start on your costume, can adjust and be more exact at your first try-on, saves me chasing around every cast member 

Lulu: Golly, how potentially triggering 🚩🚩💣 

Lulu: the rest of the cast must be shook, [someone we’re being a bitch about] to her core! 💔😔

Lulu: but as of last night [her exact measurements to a freakishly accurate degree] 😘

Sekhmet: Mhmm… the Diversity, Equality and Inclusivity Society are probably on the case as we speak

Sekhmet: [this poor person] doesn’t need to worry though, there’s not a body that doesn’t suit tailoring over everyone wearing some one-size-fits-all monstrosity 💔😱

Sekhmet: Naturally, I’ll make sure you look extra snatched 😘

Lulu: When it’s giving sack it’s giving opening night screening at the wretched RE film soc instead of stage debut, I could never 

Lulu: 😱  I’d be snatched by any other name 🥀 & to an entirely different degree, naturally 😱 

Sekhmet: 🤪🤭 No but why had no one BC heard of a belt?

Sekhmet: You’re SO lucky, girl, this play is giving high fashion in comparison to last year’s end-of-year

Lulu: They’d heard of bdsm the book’s FULL of it & so is EVERY era painting, priorities be like… 

Lulu: That’s me, in the incapable hands of whatever dyslexic runs the inclusivity club 🙄

Sekhmet: So those are the kind of movies they’re watching in that society… I knew there had to be a reason ANYONE joined

Sekhmet: Thanks for the reading rec 🙏🏽

Sekhmet: What’s your role? I have [the teacher]’s notes but what do YOU want your costume to represent?

Lulu: You’re beyond welcome, it’s a real page turner & not at ALL a dry bore of a 📖

Lulu: Oh, I play [whoever your role is] & [pop off about it because you are a nerd and you clearly wanna do this or you wouldn’t be]

Sekhmet: I know there’s a LOT of incredibly hot fashion that takes from it, McQueen’s A/W 96 Dante collection could never be wrong OR a bore 🥵🥵🥵🥵

Sekhmet: You got it, I’m gonna start sketching immediately

Lulu: Bad luck for that girl Eden who doesn’t live up to her name, do you know her? It’s terribly tragic 😢

Sekhmet: I know most everyone here, to a point

Sekhmet: You don’t like her?

Lulu: I don’t like anyone here, to a point

Sekhmet: Bad luck for us

Sekhmet: Why not?

Lulu: A super long story, you’ve got one to read & sketches to start

Sekhmet: I refuse to believe it’s rivalling the length of the bible but I hear ya 🤐

Sekhmet: What are you doing this evening?

Lulu: I refuse to join you for bible study, however tempting the offer clearly is

Sekhmet: Something tells me we’d fall at the first hurdle and that is not my style

Lulu: Mine neither

Sekhmet: I didn’t need notes for that one

Sekhmet: What’s your horse called? 

Lulu: Kasparov

Sekhmet: Suitably grand, I like it

Lulu: What’s yours called? 

Lulu: [make some fashion related guesses for designers you think it could be]?

Sekhmet: My first ever pony was Coco, I didn’t know much more back then but she was such a sweetheart

Sekhmet: Madame, for Madame Grès, the full title felt like a lot but if you don’t know her, you should look her up, you’d like her style

Lulu: 🥺 I still don’t know much more than that, about fashion

Lulu: to me, grès is a sort of stone

Sekhmet: She was a sculptor, well, she was trained but her family didn’t want her to be one, so she designed dresses like Grecian statues

Lulu: She changed her name for privacy numerous times, I love that

Sekhmet: They called her The Sphinx of Fashion, which could only be fitting for my girl, given how Egyptian mama went with our names

Lulu: She really did that, a BOLD move

Lulu: not that I have any room to talk with how mummy was 🎲🎲

Sekhmet: I know, people learn to pronounce it when given reason though so I’m not that mad 

Sekhmet: Your name is soft

Lulu: But a double - did she have to? Pick one, darling, no one’ll accuse us of being impoverished, it’s fine

Sekhmet: The real question is do you feel you fared better than your sister?

Sekhmet: I know I do

Lulu: Undeniably, as I should

Sekhmet: 🥂

Lulu: In answer to your earlier question, what I’ll be doing this evening is falling further down the 👗 rabbit hole 😍🥰

Sekhmet: You are SO welcome!

Sekhmet: I can’t get any of my friends interested in fashion beyond buying it, which, fair enough but 😩😩😩

Sekhmet: Your evening is shaping up better than mine

Lulu: Buying would prove rather redundant in my case 😩😩😩

indeed

Lulu: but let’s focus on how offensive it is you’re not excited to spend the evening designing my health & safety approved corset!

Sekhmet: No way, you’re like sample size, you should be wearing ALL the couture ALL the time, it’s practically your duty 😍👏🏽

Sekhmet: OMG, don’t get me started 😒😒 like swooning is entirely appropriate, it’s actually the point, hello???

Sekhmet: If I had my way… 😅

Lulu: I escaped Dolly by name but not by nature, my duty is to parade around in whatever monstrosity mummy tells me to 😇

Lulu: sometimes her wild choices do make me feel awfully faint

Sekhmet: Then we have to introduce her to [some designers you are saying would actually suit this girl] as a matter of urgency 

Lulu: Your sense of urgency will have to wait until she’s back from [wherever the hell your parents are because they are always somewhere atm]

Sekhmet: Nice for some

Sekhmet: meanwhile we’re stuck languishing at a school that doesn’t even want to allow heels on stage, for God’s sake

Lulu: Honestly! In what world would anyone but [someone else we’re dragging] fall to her death

Sekhmet: Exactly! I said, if you can’t walk in heels by seniors, what hope do you really have on stage or anywhere, for that matter

Lulu: I’ve been doing the 📚 balancing act since I was practically a toddler, no brag, it’s just, like, a necessary life skill to be able to walk with some poise 

Sekhmet: 🥺

Sekhmet: Girl after my own heart

Lulu: My modelling career was short-lived but all blame to the cringe photographer & his less than thrilling backdrops

Sekhmet: How old were you?

Lulu: [the age range you were when your mother tried to force this but couldn’t make fetch happen]

Lulu: VERY pre glow up 😳💀

Sekhmet: That is so adorable

Sekhmet: I WILL demand evidence when I am taking your mother down the rabbit hole of what to wear

Lulu: OMG make no such demands! I was THE ginger-est child you’ve ever seen! It was horrific 😬

Lulu: 📸 doesn’t just wash me out I’m literally washed away 👋🏻

Sekhmet: Your hair is the most gorgeous colour, I refuse to believe it’s anything but the photographer’s fault

Lulu: [send her the most unflattering pics you can find of the previous play she mentioned like well I’m not gonna get any good ones when we do ours either lol, dragging whoever took these for the school’s website to filth]!!

Sekhmet: 😶😶😶

Sekhmet: I haven’t seen some of those, [naming some of these peeps] will FREAK if they see the light of day 

Lulu: If they don’t get their top uni places they’ll know why, those would actually have a negative impact & I’ve never felt so second-hand embarrassed 

Sekhmet: Never?

Sekhmet: I need to show you around some more

Lulu: Well…

Lulu: okay, every class I’m in is populated with incel boys & pick-me girls, never is a stretch OR I’m growing more & more dead inside from the constant 😳💀

Sekhmet: YIKES, what subjects did you choose? 

Sekhmet: I thought the arty types I was stuck with were tiresome enough

Lulu: Maths, Chemistry & Physics 🤓

Sekhmet: So you’re surrounded by THE worst people but you’re going to be SO rich, I see the vision 

Lulu: Inherited wealth isn’t going to be, not the way my parents blow through it

Lulu: & my daddy’s idea of a jolly good investment is [something which absolutely isn’t and we’re calling him stupid]

Sekhmet: What will you do with yours?

Lulu: That WOULD be telling & you’re far from a confidante for being trusted with my measurements 

Sekhmet: Wait until I’ve measured you in person

Lulu: With no less than utterly bated breath

Sekhmet: Save it for when you’ve got the corset on

Lulu: My faux corset couldn’t cause a swoon if it tried, you said so

Sekhmet: Give me time

Sekhmet: [the drama teacher] can be persuaded

Lulu: Until opening night, that’s everyone’s deadline

Sekhmet: Do you get stage fright?

Lulu: Do I look like a masochist? 

Sekhmet: 🤔

Lulu: 🤭 take your time but I don’t get stage fright

Sekhmet: I won’t stitch a safety net for you then

Lulu: You’ll be too busy attacking me with pins to see how I react now

Sekhmet: No, no, not if you stay still

Lulu: I wouldn’t dream of moving unless you told me to

Sekhmet: You make an excellent Dolly, I remember

Lulu: I’ve had years of practice 

Sekhmet: 📚

Sekhmet: It shows

Lulu: All the world's a stage, to quote [the drama teacher] quoting the only playwright they’ve ever heard of

Sekhmet: It’s giving Coco, truly 🤭

Lulu: No, because that was adorable 🥺🥺

Sekhmet: [send her the content I really have of this horse and you riding it etc]

Lulu: [send her the content I really have of you as a kid on a horse which is literally that one pic]

Sekhmet: 😖 KILL ME

Sekhmet: What a little munchkin

Lulu: My first horse was called Gambit so I totally understand, we were naming in awkward parallel according to our interests

Sekhmet: We were totally precious

Lulu: YOU were

Lulu: mummy would die if she was your mother, she’d kill herself

Sekhmet: Why does that feel like the biggest compliment I’ve ever received maybe?

Lulu: Because it’s the biggest I’ve paid anyone ever

Sekhmet: You’re too sweet 😋

Lulu: I can see her now, doing it in the most dramatic fashion

Sekhmet: I’ll lend her my fabric scissors

Lulu: What makes them different from other scissors?

Sekhmet: Carbon steel, longer blades and sharper edges

Lulu: Wow

Sekhmet: I know

Lulu: Maybe I do care about fashion or I will from now on

Sekhmet: Then my work here is done ✂️💝

Lulu: You’re leaving me? ✂️💔💔💔

Sekhmet: No, no

Sekhmet: This is too interesting

Lulu: You can’t drop the news fabric scissors exist & then dip

Lulu: you’d have to lend them to me

Sekhmet: I see how it is 😏

Sekhmet: I’ll show you how sharp they are at your fitting

Lulu: Okay, I’ll count the seconds until my fitting, that’s what you want

Sekhmet: Is that what I want, are you sure?

Lulu: I know it is

Sekhmet: Do you want me to finish your costume first or last, that’s the question

Lulu: What do you think my answer is?

Sekhmet: I’m in two minds, so perhaps you are too

Sekhmet: You want me to want to finish yours first

Sekhmet: but you want to wait as long as you can to show you can too

Lulu: I’m of the mind what you want matters more

Sekhmet: I’m afraid I can’t bear leaving you any longer than the task requires I do

Lulu: It’s your task, your art

Sekhmet: No one will be able to take their eyes off you

Lulu: What does that feel like?

Sekhmet: Ribbon laced around you, tightening with each glance

Sekhmet: Does that make sense?

Lulu: Perfect sense

Sekhmet: Fabric scissors at your throat sounded too intense but it isn’t wrong

Lulu: Too intense can’t be wrong

Sekhmet: I don’t think so

Lulu: I’ve been labelled as such too many times for it not to fit

Sekhmet: It’s a good thing

Lulu: It feels good or I wouldn’t bother with the thing, I’m not labelled stupid

Sekhmet: You’re a smart girl, your classes didn’t come as a shock

Sekhmet: but neither does this

Lulu: I’m unshockable too

Sekhmet: I don’t think so

Lulu: Why? What are you thinking of?

Sekhmet: We aren’t there yet

Lulu: We’re [the seconds you have counted because maths nerd] seconds away

Sekhmet: 😅 Exactly

Sekhmet: You’re cute, I wish it were time now

Lulu: Can’t it be time for something else?

Sekhmet: What are you doing this evening?

Lulu: What do you want me to do?

Sekhmet: Come out with me

Lulu: You’ll have to dress me, I don’t know how

Sekhmet: Of course, it’s what I do

Lulu: You’re welcome to come here first but I mean it when I say the wardrobes have nothing to pull from, out of my uniform I look beastly

Sekhmet: I’ll show you what you can do with what you have

Sekhmet: Even if it is showing-off, that’s the kind of mood you’ve got me in

Lulu: Pride in the skills you have is valid for every mood

Sekhmet: What clubs do you go to?

Lulu: 😳 …unless you mean after school, I don’t 🤓😇

Sekhmet: 🤯🤯

Sekhmet: So the adorable angel bit isn’t completely one, interesting

Lulu: My parents have lots of parties, I’m not like [someone we’re shading yet again]

Sekhmet: We’ll go somewhere young then, out of your comfort zone

Lulu: If this is an elaborate practical joke, it’s been tried already, most of them have

Sekhmet: God, no

Sekhmet: We’re 17 not 7

Lulu: Tell me about it, I ADORE your school & being the 👽 new girl just because I spoke French instead of English a few times

Sekhmet: You have to teach me, my French is TERRIBLE

Sekhmet: How am I gonna work in Paris without your help

Lulu: Mine’s Swiss which they’d definitely bully you for in Paris but yonks ago I learned what the differences are & how not to trip up

Sekhmet: Were you there for the banking?

Sekhmet: You must miss it, your friends

Lulu: My friends, my boyfriend, everything

Sekhmet: Aw, what’s your boyfriend called?

Lulu: Gabe

Lulu: Gabriel 😇

Sekhmet: So perfect

Sekhmet: Well, we’ll keep you busy so you can’t miss him too bad

Lulu: It’s a top 10 baby name there but we’ll pretend his mother tried harder than my next door neighbour with [the chelsea equivalent of a popular boy’s name] 😅

Sekhmet: When there’s at least 5 [whatever name] per class, it really loses the shine

Lulu: In my class there were only [and the top 10 girls names because girls school, I’m not gonna look them up to make this point when we’re joking and only some of y’all were called that]

Sekhmet: I bet the uniform was RIDICULOUS 

Sekhmet: another picture I gotta see 

Lulu: [send her one of you wearing said uniform because I’m sure you have all your pics from your cult school close to hand because you’re in your hardcore missing it era]

Sekhmet: You look so 😁

Lulu: I was

Sekhmet: Will you go back, are there good Unis there?

Lulu: I can’t, mummy thinks the country is the size of a postage stamp & EVERYONE knows & deeply deeply cares why we left 🙄

Lulu: she’s right anyway, it is ruined

Sekhmet: I know you’re not going to tell me, it’s cool, I’m not going to ask

Sekhmet: You’ll have to bring the energy to wherever you go next

Lulu: I didn’t do anything apart from have my life wrecked, it was my sister’s attention-seeking act

Lulu: & really, what’s to tell? It’s a girls boarding school, pick the most blatant means of getting kicked out, because she did

Sekhmet: I hear the rumours, I just don’t take them in as the truth 

Sekhmet: She really let you be collateral? That’s low

Lulu: She’s the lowest that’s why she’s bringing religion into her bind

Lulu: mummy & daddy aren’t going to forgive her & neither will I, my soft touch grandparents & god are it 👋🏻

Sekhmet: Never?

Sekhmet: You aren’t waiting for a suitable price paid by her or the most opportune moment to play saviour yourself?

Lulu: Anyone else, of course I would be

Lulu: but she was different

Lulu: I trusted only her and she betrayed me as completely

Sekhmet: I get it

Sekhmet: a bridge too far, there have to be some rules that can’t be broken

Lulu: The bridge is in ashes, she broke me & she doesn’t even feel sorry

Sekhmet: I’m sorry, for what that is or isn’t worth

Sekhmet: I don’t know what I’d do in your position, if Hath did that to me

Lulu: I’m sorry you’re here to witness me at my literal worst, I’m a dreadful mess because of her

Lulu: I never anticipated being in this position & I truly don’t know what to do

Sekhmet: I’m not judging you

Sekhmet: Not even a bit, your sister however… 👀

Lulu: I am, I should’ve seen it coming, it’s what I do

Sekhmet: Had it happened before, like lesser aggressions and betrayals? 

Sekhmet: Or was it completely out of the blue

Lulu: It couldn’t have been more out of the blue

Lulu: we were devoted to each other, I still don’t understand how or why she’d do any of what she did

Sekhmet: Crazy…

Sekhmet: There HAS to be a reason there

Lulu: She was willing to make me collateral damage to cause our parents the upset she HAD to

Sekhmet: Oh, teenage rebellion 

Sekhmet: 🙄😬

Lulu: My second-hand embarrassment is back hardcore

Sekhmet: I won’t bother getting to know her now

Lulu: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Lulu: you’re an absolute brick

Sekhmet: Of course, it’s not like we could be friends now, WAY too much drama and no loyalty, what’s to like?

Lulu: True, but don’t you think I’m bringing as much drama?

Sekhmet: No, not to me

Sekhmet: You’ve been hurt by her actions but that’s not your fault, we’ve all got that kind of baggage 

Lulu: I can’t imagine anyone hurting you, not on purpose & not without being the most sorry

Sekhmet: Well, I can make almost anyone sorry, of course 💁🏽‍♀️😘

Sekhmet: People do it unwittingly, more often than not, I’ve found

Lulu: Fall at your feet? Yeah, I don’t doubt you’ve found that

Sekhmet: 😏 Hurt people, I meant

Lulu: Sure you did

Sekhmet: Is that how I seem to you? 🤔

Lulu: Unwittingly means you don’t encourage it, it isn’t a reflection on you, more a light shone on the people around you & they seem fully capable of 😍🥰

Sekhmet: I think I’m flattered

Lulu: Every day of your life, I’m assuming

Sekhmet: Oh, please

Sekhmet: Like you’re totally unfamiliar with that

Lulu: Oh, please

Lulu: I’m not ravishing, I’m just thin & not a brunette bore

Sekhmet: 🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️

Sekhmet: Be so fucking for real!

Sekhmet: You’re doing a bit, yeah?

Lulu: I am for real, if I didn’t have those exact measurements I wouldn’t get looked twice at, there’s the trickery

Sekhmet: I know every trick in the 📚

Sekhmet: You can’t fake what you have

Lulu: I have discipline at the dinner table, that’s all

Sekhmet: If this is true, then my new mission is to get you to see the real truth that I’m seeing

Lulu: You’ll over mission yourself, mummy’s fashion faux pas list alone is full time

Sekhmet: I’m productive

Lulu: I’m aware

Sekhmet: You don’t want to like it here, I get that

Sekhmet: but you can like me

Lulu: Bold of you to assume I can like anyone once you’ve been told my intensity level

Lulu: I’m my mother’s child, obsessed or utterly apathetic 

Sekhmet: I don’t see a problem there

Lulu: It wouldn’t be one for you, you’re used to being the object of desire

Sekhmet: But for you?

Lulu: I wouldn’t survive you, not now

Sekhmet: I’m not going to hurt you

Lulu: People don’t intend to, right? Isn’t that what you wrote?

Sekhmet: I’m not people

Lulu: You’re a person, making promises you can’t keep

Sekhmet: I haven’t promised

Lulu: Because you know it’d be broken & I’m already in pieces

Sekhmet: You’re not going to see if I could put even two pieces back together? 

Sekhmet: Isn’t that worth the risk?

Lulu: The risk to me, but it’s too ugly what she did & who I am in the frightful aftermath to subject you to

Lulu: what you think you see, more than flatters me, even if it is a ridiculously false narrative, it’s worth something

Sekhmet: I’m glad

Sekhmet: Seriously, you’re welcome if that’s all that comes of this then that’s worth something to me too

Lulu: I can see how liking you would give people a reason to feel glad, doubly if they were liked back

Sekhmet: You’re adorable, you don’t have to compliment me, truly

Sekhmet: I’m not going to take it personally, this is about your sister

Lulu: Yours is lucky

Sekhmet: I don’t think she’s interested in me these days

Sekhmet: No great fall out or stab in the back, not to say it’s worse but it’s a different type of pain, that’s for sure…

Lulu: 🤯🤯  What or who else could come close to half as interesting? 🤯🤯  Full offence to her 👀

Sekhmet: That’s what I want to know 

Sekhmet: It’s gotta be something/someone 🤯🤯🤯

Lulu: No one from school then 🥱

Sekhmet: Honestly 🤭

Lulu: I thought she’d be coming out with us when you extended that clubbing offer, which you’re free & totally fine to retract after discovering how crazy I am btw

Sekhmet: She likes to go to raves and squat parties, I don’t know if I could convince her to come to a club any more than I could get you there 😅

Lulu: I can’t speak for her, but I’d go anywhere you asked me to

Lulu: vile field & whatever a squat party is?? included

Sekhmet: We’d have to leave Surrey, think [giving London postcodes that are poorer]

Sekhmet: not the direction I aim to go in but you know, that’s her MO, I guess 🤷🏽‍♀️

Lulu: No judgement because my sister’s idea of fun is spending her free time with my grandma exclusively

Lulu: they’re teetotal besties & she isn’t a grandma like [insert someone cool but old from the era], it’s insanity

Sekhmet: SUCH a vivid picture has been painted, I just thought she was shy but okay 

Sekhmet: the judgment of me would be SO real from her, I can feel it 😱🥶

Lulu: That’s what she wants everyone to think & it worked on sir so why not? 👌🏻👌🏻 But ask my grandparents & I’m the manipulative one

Sekhmet: Aha

Sekhmet: 😇 hiding 😈s

Lulu: She’s her father’s daughter, finding it thrilling to be stared at however mortifying the reason if everyone’s looking

Lulu: could never be me, I need praise for how 🤓 or 😇 I am, but go off you two

Sekhmet: What does your dad do?

Lulu: You’re NOT ready

Sekhmet: Now you HAVE to tell me

Lulu: You have to come over, I’ll SHOW you

Sekhmet: Now I know it’s good

Sekhmet: I wouldn’t attempt to lure you over with promises of my dad’s office, it’s truly not that thrilling, we can’t pretend 

Lulu: You’ll shriek

Sekhmet: 😱 or 🤣?

Lulu: Depends on the track

Sekhmet: NO

Lulu: I know! 💀

Sekhmet: Not the rock star, that makes A LOT of sense for your mum actually

Sekhmet: I see the vision

Lulu: They are so gauche, it’s unbearable

Sekhmet: You poor thing 

Sekhmet: It’ll have to be a room makeover next then

Lulu: If only

Lulu: you’re going to be gagged by how wannabe 😎🎸 the house is

Sekhmet: Okay, give me a month to convince them to reno, don’t want to overpromise THAT hard 

Lulu: [write the date a month from today whatever that may be like okay there’s your deadline] 📅💞

Sekhmet: Your parents better make a couple IRL appearances in that time or I’m really going to have to do the 📱💞 work

Lulu: You could do the 🛫🤍🛬 work of meeting them IRL in [wherever they are cos we all know the vibe is they aren’t gonna reappear in that month]

Sekhmet: ☁️💫 sure beats my Young Enterprise classes any day

Lulu: The boys in those classes… I don’t know how you do it

Sekhmet: I just find it cute, how they act as if they’re already top rate businessmen because their dads are

Lulu: Some of their daddies 📈💳💵💴💶💷

Lulu: the others are play acting along with their sons 💼👔⌚️

Sekhmet: Exactly, and how could I do anything but coo at that 👶🏽 behaviour?

Lulu: I’m not that girl

Sekhmet: I figured 😏

Lulu: Oh, you think you’ve got me all figured out?

Sekhmet: Not all, no need to be offended, honey

Sekhmet: I’ll give another 📅💞 for that

Lulu: You’ll have until [whenever their last day of school ever is], [the name of their school] doesn’t give the impression it’d frown on Dolly getting up to her old tricks

Sekhmet: And once you’re done here, you’re 🛫🤍🛬 for good

Lulu: The ultimate 📅💞

Sekhmet: I’m not concerned

Lulu: What are you?

Sekhmet: Confident

Lulu: Used to getting your own way

Sekhmet: That makes it sound undeserved

Lulu: Overindulged if you were someone else who didn’t bring anything but we both know that isn’t you

Sekhmet: Or a 😸

Lulu: I’m not that girl either 🐶💕

Sekhmet: I’ve seen your pup on your socials

Lulu: & now you’ll get to meet him IRL too 😊

Lulu: Monty can’t wait, he adores having people over & besides Gabe’s visits I rudely deprive him

Sekhmet: Awh, he wants the social life moreso 🥺

Lulu: I’m such a bad mother 😢

Sekhmet: When did he last have a visit?

Lulu: [Whenever that was, like if this is September then sometime in the summer hols deffo]

Lulu: poor baby 🥺

Sekhmet: You or Monty?

Lulu: Gabe, most of all, naturally

Sekhmet: That’s what I like to hear

Lulu: I have to hear about what a bore it is for him waiting for his uni term to start like he wasn’t told he could stay until then 🙄🙄

Sekhmet: Boyfriends truly are exhausting, I always want rid when I’ve got one

Lulu: How completely relatable

Lulu: Have you got one?

Sekhmet: Yes, I can’t stand being lonely for long

Sekhmet: he’s not a totally tiresome business baby though, don’t worry

Lulu: [a post she’s pulled from the boy’s insta because has clearly stalked and found him via hers or tags or whatever]

Lulu: Is this who he is?

Sekhmet: 🔎

Sekhmet: That’s him

Lulu: & is he coming out with us?

Sekhmet: How awful to make you the third wheel like that, definitely not

Lulu: Aren’t your friends coming anyway?

Sekhmet: They could

Sekhmet: A girls night is a totally different vibe to me hooking up with my man all night though, that’s so uncool

Lulu: I assumed they were, as a given

Lulu: maybe I’ve totally misread the vibe

Sekhmet: I can put out the call, for sure

Lulu: But you weren’t going to?

Sekhmet: I hadn’t thought to, no

Sekhmet: I didn’t know if that would be too much

Lulu: Because I’m too loony & sad

Sekhmet: No

Sekhmet: because you seemed shy, or at least shyer than all that, I didn’t want to scare you off

Lulu: Anti-social not shy

Sekhmet: Here, yeah

Sekhmet: agreeing to go out with me isn’t necessarily agreeing to go out with a whole group but if that’s what you want, we can

Lulu: I know why I don’t want that, why don’t you?

Sekhmet: Because I asked you out

Sekhmet: I’ve been out with my friends too many times to count, I’m not showing them anything new

Lulu: I hate to burst your bubble, darling, but it’s highly unlikely you’re showing me anything new

Sekhmet: You said you’d not been out like this

Sekhmet: I didn’t say it would be mindblowing, still new, like your altered outfit

Lulu: Okay

Sekhmet: Is it a plan then?

Lulu: Yours & I surrender to it as originally devised, no alterations of my own

Sekhmet: Good

Sekhmet: it’s a great plan

Lulu: If you do say so yourself 😄

Sekhmet: You’ve got to withhold your judgment until you’ve given it a suitable crack, that’s just fair

Lulu: I’ll try and be sporting as though we’re 🎾

Sekhmet: If it’s truly that awful, I’ll let you pair with me next 🎾 instead of [whoever she has been that we’re saying isn’t as good as us]

Lulu: Meaning I’ll have to poker face through the whole night pretending it’s beastly to rid myself of [her partner] & have you play with me

Sekhmet: Now I’m helping you with your acting too, see, told you it was great

Lulu: You’ll feel a huge sense of pride watching me perform knowing you’ve had a hand in it

Sekhmet: Both hands, blood, sweat and tears if you include how you look in your costume and how that’ll make you feel on stage

Lulu: Which one of us is crying?

Sekhmet: I can see now how pretty you look when you cry

Lulu: Daddy’s music would have anyone with taste on the verge of tears, I guess I can show you that too

Sekhmet: What if I can’t bear it?

Lulu: The music? No what if there, it’s ghastly

Sekhmet: 😅

Sekhmet: We’ll go with that

Lulu: If you hate seeing me cry, I’ll stop

Sekhmet: I won’t hate anything you do

Lulu: You’ll loathe my clothes, they’re a crime against fashion

Sekhmet: I’ll adore ripping them to shreds to fix then

Lulu: & I’ll be devoted to watching you

Sekhmet: You won’t believe how much can be done, from the tackiest, gaudiest rags, I swear

Lulu: I believe you

Sekhmet: You will, in me and my skills, completely

Lulu: Mummy & daddy wouldn’t recognise me

Sekhmet: Equally undeniable how fucking incredible you’ll look though, blame me entirely if they still want to disagree

Lulu: They will, the idea of me being incredible is entirely foreign to them

Sekhmet: 🥺

Sekhmet: They’ll need to come back home to witness it for themselves, see you like I do

Lulu: I hope they never do, we’ll be having way too much fun in their absence

Sekhmet: True

Sekhmet: be my girl instead then

Lulu: I can be whoever you want, I’m an actress

Sekhmet: You need to be yourself

Lulu: You wouldn’t like her

Sekhmet: I want to be intrigued, not entertained

Lulu: What happens when you find out I’m not very interesting?

Sekhmet: I show you how to make interesting things happen

Lulu: No one has ever answered a question I’ve asked as perfectly as that was

Sekhmet: You deserve interesting things to happen to you, just like me

Lulu: I need something to change for the better, for once

Sekhmet: This is it

Lulu: You’re being the change I wish to see in the 🌎

Sekhmet: It’s too big for your ❤️ to be stuck in Switzerland forever, you need to see more with me

Lulu: [give her your address]

Lulu: come & see the garish cage I need freeing from first, there truly is SO much gold

Sekhmet: 🔐🕊

Lulu: He’d love if I had the voice for daddy daughter duets, it wouldn’t at all threaten his fragile ego

Sekhmet: Well I’ll need you to sing, I need to allow for your diaphragm’s full expansion in your corset

Lulu: Pick a song & I’ll be word perfect by [whenever this first fitting is]

Sekhmet: Good 

Sekhmet: I’ll tighten those extra inches I’m not meant to for you

Lulu: I won’t tell, I am good

Sekhmet: You’ll feel it when you have no room to catch your breath

Lulu: I can hold it for yonks, I used to whenever my grandma was being horrid to me

Sekhmet: To scare her?

Lulu: Yeah

Sekhmet: I love it

Lulu: She hates me, she’d have me committed if that was still an acceptable punishment for your relatives

Sekhmet: How awful, why, what’s her problem?

Lulu: Dolly finished the job mummy’s jealousy started of turning her against me, neither of them can do any wrong, so I am

Sekhmet: You’re stuck, aren’t you

Lulu: Every 🎄🎅🏻 

Lulu: but it could be worse, it was every hol when I was younger

Sekhmet: You should be treated like a 🎁

Sekhmet: every hol

Lulu: I’d die if anyone tried now

Sekhmet: By everyone

Lulu: I’m not you, not a 🎁

Sekhmet: You are, you’re mine

Lulu: I can’t tell if you’re going to unwrap me or tie me up in knots

Lulu: but I accept either way 🎀

Sekhmet: TBD, no schedule

Lulu: [send her a picture of you in a dressing gown because ready for this try on clothes sesh, with a ribbon in your hair to keep it out of the way]

Sekhmet: You are so beautiful

Lulu: No, but I’m ready to be made to look it by you

Sekhmet: I can see how ready you are

Lulu: [a goosebumps pic because true]

Sekhmet: 😍 OBSESSED

Lulu: You can’t leave me here alone, even think to

Sekhmet: I’m coming, you promised we’d have fun

Lulu: This feels like a game I’m incapable of winning

Sekhmet: You didn’t realise you could want anything more than a win, right

Lulu: I’m not that girl

Lulu: but suddenly I am

Sekhmet: You’ve only just tapped the potential of the girl you are

Lulu: You’ve tapped into it, we’re blaming you

Sekhmet: Oh, right

Sekhmet: I can handle it

Lulu: Whoever I am?

Sekhmet: Who you are

Lulu: You have to want her

Sekhmet: I’m here, I sought you out 

Lulu: Technically, you sought out my measurements

Lulu: Gabe wants my body & I could throw it at hundreds of boys, I don’t care about that

Sekhmet: That was a reason to

Lulu: Why would you ever need to hide behind a flimsy excuse?

Sekhmet: It was a test

Lulu: How did I do?

Sekhmet: I’m still here, and on my way

Lulu: Grade me, I need to know

Sekhmet: B+

Lulu: Because?

Sekhmet: We got to the right answer but there were a couple of diversions on the way

Lulu: I wasn’t focused enough, I’m sorry

Sekhmet: You seem like a girl who needs a goal to work towards anyway

Lulu: Absolutely

Sekhmet: Then I pass my test in return by not placating with an A*

Lulu: It matters to you whether or not things are deserved, you’ve used the word lots

Sekhmet: No one has told me they’ve noticed that before, I hadn’t

Sekhmet: but I suppose it does, yeah

Lulu: Fair too, I don’t know anyone else who really cares about what is or isn’t enough to bring it up, my family certainly doesn’t

Sekhmet: Does make me sound like a good person, much more 😇 than I am

Lulu: You’ve been nothing but 😇 to me & I don’t make it easy, I know

Sekhmet: I hate to burst your bubble, darling, but you’re not that scary

Lulu: I don’t want to scare you off, believe it or not, this is a toned down version of me, darling

Sekhmet: That’s mutual

Lulu: When can we mutually agree to stop?

Sekhmet: When you stop being scared

Lulu: When you start protecting me I won’t have to do it myself

Sekhmet: What from?

Lulu: Opening myself up again is dangerous & reckless ✂️💔

Sekhmet: So’s shutting yourself off 

Lulu: Touché

Sekhmet: And dying of boredom seems to me about the worst way anyone could go

Lulu: A broken heart is

Lulu: & less fixable than a dowdy hemline 

Sekhmet: I don’t want to see either of us proved right

Lulu: You want fun & it’s been yonks since I was

Sekhmet: You want fun

Lulu: It’ll be okay, won’t it?

Sekhmet: Better than that

Lulu: I want you to still be here, it’s horrifically lonely 

Lulu: I wasn’t even born by myself, I haven’t been prepared for independence in the slightest

Sekhmet: Did you two do everything together?

Lulu: She spent every second with me, awake & asleep

Lulu: it’s like I had to relearn it all after a coma, rewire myself totally, or she’s my phantom limb 

Sekhmet: She must miss you too

Lulu: She doesn’t, I’m the twin she ate or finally got surgically removed from

Lulu: I miss her, Gabe misses her, Dolly’s thriving out of prison 🥳

Sekhmet: That’s as cold as you’ve tried to project

Sekhmet: Jesus

Lulu: Bad luck I’m not as 🥶

Sekhmet: This would be easier

Sekhmet: but you’ll have a life that’s full of ☀️ and 💞 whilst she clearly can’t

Lulu: Wait until you’ve seen my freckles pop in the ☀️

Lulu: you’ll be as overwhelmed as I am right now hearing you say that 🥺😢😭

Sekhmet: But Summer is YEARS away now

Sekhmet: 🥺😢😭

Lulu: It isn’t if we go on a weekend away 🛫🤍🛬 

Lulu: or use half-term hols to our advantage 🧳👙 

Sekhmet: Felix's family has a place in [whatever European country we’re saying here]

Sekhmet: he’s been dying to take me since before we went out 🤭🥰

Sekhmet: We should all go go, make it a party

Lulu: We aren’t guaranteed ☀️ until [whatever month you’ve just googled the info for the place she said] 📅💞

Lulu: but it’s still a yes

Sekhmet: 📍

Lulu: [tell her about your family holiday homes in this era because I’m sure y’all have multiple, but obvs as per we’re saying it in a slagging them off way not as a brag because everything they do is trashy and not it, feel free to include any your grandparents have as well so a potential shoutout to the villa Chlo ran away to when James left her haha because I think it was theirs, hey girl hey, definitely dropping that tea if they still have that gaff like mummy practically lived there when her first marriage ended etc etc because gotta throw in funny flop anecdotes for all of these places as you go, as I know you also will when she shows up and you give her a house tour, because your parents have so many of them]

Sekhmet: [swap your own stories because your fam would likewise have places even though you’re not shading your fam as hard of course you aren’t obnoxiously bragging either but yeah we know you don’t hate your parents so that is what it is lol]

Lulu: [take a moment to be a nerd and gush about wherever the ruster holiday homes are located, talking about the places you love in those destinations or the places you’d love to go to if you haven’t been, we know the vibes, we’re validating her parents making better choices than ours]

Sekhmet: The less-than-six-degrees-of-separation is really hitting rn

Lulu: It’s being almost related

Sekhmet: 🤯

Sekhmet: It’s wild, how close yet how far…

Lulu: Your daddy was mummy’s one who got away for longer than she’d ever care to admit, whilst sober 🤭

Sekhmet: Awh, that’s so sweet, poor thing

Lulu: My daddy gets hilariously sour about it, poor thing

Lulu: she has a frightful amount of past indiscretions for him to fret upon whilst blotto

Sekhmet: Men are so paranoid, it’s the cutest

Lulu: Gabe refuses to stop sulking about the co-ed thing, as if I personally championed the idea

Sekhmet: Your old school wasn’t? How did you two meet?

Lulu: His mother was the music mistress, he was forever hanging around to borrow some instrument or other

Sekhmet: 😏 Wow, original Gabe

Lulu: Honestly, I should invent a better story, but unlike mummy I don’t intend to bore my children with them

Sekhmet: Cliches are that for a reason, it’s a fun story 

Lulu: Options were limited, needs must

Sekhmet: Sure, gotta do what you gotta do

Lulu: How did you & Felix meet?

Sekhmet: He’s on the Rugby team, I was watching my brother play, or we were there for someone else’s boyfriend, I forget

Sekhmet: but he first approached me at the after party

Lulu: Well of course he would

Lulu: How long ago?

Sekhmet: Last year

Sekhmet: some people changed school for sixth form, he was scared I might before we got the chance to talk 

Lulu: He found his courage, bravo 👏🏻

Sekhmet: 🥰

Sekhmet: He’s pretty great

Lulu: But I’m dying to know why he hasn’t taken you to his family’s place yet, what’s he scared of now?

Sekhmet: I don’t know

Sekhmet: I might not be a family kind of girl

Lulu: It won’t be your fault

Lulu: his father probably has a mistress in residence

Sekhmet: 😅 Maybe you’re right

Lulu: Or perhaps he’s taken it a step further & committed to a second family, assuming he’s still able, those must be dreadfully tricky to schedule around

Sekhmet: Do you know any 2nd families?

Lulu: Both absolute secrets & the terribly poorly kept ones, it’s rife among daddy’s school friends, those who aren’t tellingly impotent anyway

Sekhmet: Do you think you could be that, the spares?

Lulu: Secrecy would mean it has its compensations, I’m sure

Lulu: moreso than the spare I’m made to feel when mummy’s eldest joins us

Sekhmet: Well, she is little Ms Perfect

Lulu: Miss only to her students, she doesn’t find it at all amusing if I address her like that

Sekhmet: It’s a shame she doesn’t teach here, that would be entertaining

Lulu: Tragic, isn’t it? What’s the point of her going into teaching if she isn’t eager to at least try & shape my young mind?

Sekhmet: We haven’t had a good student-teacher here in FOREVER

Sekhmet: Surely she’s offered to tutor you?

Lulu: Mummy would forbid it, her sole form of entertainment when she’s at home arrives in the form of her (mostly) imagined rivalry & exaggerated hatred between us

Sekhmet: I see

Sekhmet: What about Dolly, what’s her role in the production?

Lulu: In light of recent theatrics, her role has been axed

Sekhmet: You think your mum would be OBSESSED with it

Lulu: She’s devoted to stage managing

Sekhmet: Not her dramatics, gotcha

Lulu: We’re supposed to make her look good, spinning the scandal into a positive is beyond her

Sekhmet: You are making your sister sound worth knowing again but

Sekhmet: I did promise

Lulu: Old habits die the hardest

Sekhmet: 💔

Sekhmet: You live really close to Tansy, I’m surprised I haven’t seen you on your way in/out before

Lulu: Mummy & Nancy are sometimes close friends

Sekhmet: A love/hate affair

Lulu: Yeah

Sekhmet: At their big age too

Lulu: No wonder I was such a precocious child, needs must again

Sekhmet: You’ve been competing for her attention forever, that explains a lot

Lulu: Unfortunately it does, I’m a ghastly bundle of clichés 💔😔

Sekhmet: Babe, don’t be 💔😔

Sekhmet: Who isn’t?

Lulu: You’re not

Sekhmet: No?

Lulu: Not as yet

Sekhmet: We don’t know each other yet, right

Lulu: I know that much

Sekhmet: Doesn’t everyone end up disappointing though

Lulu: Without holding out hope someone isn’t going to, I’d have 0 to live for

Sekhmet: Sorry, major downer vibes there

Sekhmet: 🤐

Lulu: I’d be a fine one to talk telling you to shh when those are MY vibes

Sekhmet: Yes, it’s totally your fault that you’ve got me thinking about all the ways people are let downs

Sekhmet: Thanks 🤪🥴

Lulu: I’ll easily make it up to you by being anything but

Sekhmet: The confidence is 👌🏽👌🏽

Lulu: It would be awkward if I’d immediately let you down

Sekhmet: You haven’t, we’ve still got 📅💞 for fun

Lulu: 😁

Sekhmet: You’re too cute

Lulu: [send her a pic of you actually smiling like that because you do]

Sekhmet: STOP

Lulu: Sorry, I can’t 😁😁😁

Sekhmet: I’ve not seen you smile in person

Lulu: When was the first time you saw me?

Sekhmet: 🤔

Lulu: [tell her when you first saw her which is giving in school on her way to somewhere whether that was a class or at her locker or leaving/going to an extracurricular activity, regardless she’s being the most gay about describing this obviously]

Sekhmet: I’ll tell you in person

Lulu: Okay, because you’re almost here

Sekhmet: Because you’ve earnt it now

Lulu: I’ll smile for you in person

Sekhmet: You will, that’s my guarantee, not yours

Lulu: I promise it won’t be fake

Sekhmet: I can tell the difference, so don’t bother faking anything

Lulu: I’ve promised, it’s too late for a test

Sekhmet: There’s way too much to be done before we can get to [the club]

Lulu: We’re going to [the club because she hadn’t said which one before now]?

Sekhmet: Yeah, I think [this place] makes the most sense

Lulu: For your vision

Sekhmet: For your first time out with me

Lulu: My first time out, period 

Sekhmet: I did suspect as much

Lulu: I told you!

Sekhmet: Then you turned around and said you were unshockable so I wasn’t sure which I should go with

Lulu: I am, both can be true

Sekhmet: Touche 

Lulu: You’ll never work in Paris if you don’t type out the é 

Sekhmet: I thought it would autocorrect, UGH 😩

Lulu: I’ll be your autocorrect for now

Lulu: until you have so many 📱💞 convos with mummy é becomes second nature

Sekhmet: 🤓😘 with you until I am your mama, naturally

Lulu: If I end up calling you that, remember you said it first

Sekhmet: OMG, well that came out hilarious wrong but okay 😅 thanks for rolling with it

Lulu: Unshockable

Sekhmet: Or into it

Lulu: Mummy issues are a given, it’s hardly my fault

Sekhmet: We’ve established this is a no judgment zone

Lulu: Thankfully just between you & I, because I’ve made no secret of how into judging everyone else I am

Sekhmet: And who am I to deprive you of your favourite pastime?

Lulu: It isn’t my very favourite, but even if it were, I’d let you deprive me if you enjoyed doing so

Sekhmet: What is it you enjoy the most about chess?

Lulu: Golly, I’ve been devoted to chess forever, playing used to be the most intimate & romantic activity I had access to, in some ways it still is

Lulu: you can make someone love or hate you, crawl inside them without being told no & stay there for yonks

Sekhmet: That’s a good answer

Lulu: It’s a marvellous game 😍🥰

Sekhmet: Next time we hang out

Lulu: Have you played before?

Sekhmet: No, but I’m sure I can pick it up quickly

Lulu: OMG I can’t believe I’m getting a first time from you too

Sekhmet: Fittingly fair, isn’t it

Lulu: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Lulu: I’m fittingly light-headed

Sekhmet: I know, I feel similar 

Lulu: I don’t know how I could possibly have a similar effect on you

Sekhmet: I just know I feel like I’d 😳😳😳 to death if I didn’t learn quick enough for you

Lulu: I’d 😢😭 if it was over too quickly

Sekhmet: I’m not used to being a beginner in front of anyone anymore 

Lulu: It’s fair you let me turn the tables once, I’m a beginner at everything else 🍼

Sekhmet: That’s why I suggested it

Lulu: You knew what it would do to me

Sekhmet: Something like that

Lulu: No, you knew exactly what this would feel like

Sekhmet: Tell me what it feels like and I’ll tell you if I meant it

Lulu: When I was [an age we don’t need to specify] & had [an illness which likewise we don’t] which gave me a fever

Lulu: I couldn’t tell what was real & I thought & said the wildest things

Sekhmet: Like a sugar cube melting under your tongue

Lulu: Yes, because I’d never be allowed to eat a sugar cube

Sekhmet: You’re allowed with me

Lulu: If I earn it

Sekhmet: What about just because?

Lulu: If you say so, whatever you say

Sekhmet: Does free rein scare you?

Lulu: I don’t know, it would be another first

Sekhmet: We’ll slow down

Lulu: Do you want me to have free rein? Everyone else craves control

Sekhmet: I think watching you experience unbridled pleasure in any form would be worth my attention

Lulu: You’re perfectly unusual 

Sekhmet: Hm… is that a compliment or veiled critique?

Lulu: 😅 I don’t veil my critiques, it’s obviously a compliment!

Lulu: I’ve never met anyone else like you

Sekhmet: That’s okay then 😅

Sekhmet: I just want to indulge you, over-indulge, famine to feast

Lulu: I’m NOT okay 

Sekhmet: I can’t ignore how starved you are, I can’t stop thinking about it

Lulu: Welcome to my brain, which doesn’t feel connected to my body right now AT ALL 

Sekhmet: There’s nothing to think about, you feel it

Lulu: You’ll think for me?

Sekhmet: You are all I have on my mind

Lulu: I’ll have nothing on my body except what you put there

Sekhmet: You’re going to see the transformation happen like magic in your mirror

Lulu: I’ll hold my breath until we’re in front of a mirror

Sekhmet: Good girl

Lulu: Will you tell me in person?

Sekhmet: How pretty you look in your new outfit?

Sekhmet: I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I didn’t, not to mention the lack of pride in my work

Lulu: I’ve never felt pretty with my clothes on before

Sekhmet: I hate that

Lulu: He says it when they’re off, naturally, or he wants them to be

Lulu: & I stand there knowing I’m not hideous or anything, but they are

Sekhmet: So many people do themselves a disservice in their clothing choices

Sekhmet: but it’s that it isn’t your choice

Lulu: But it’s the only time she looks at me like it doesn’t hurt her to

Sekhmet: It’s an equalizer 

Sekhmet: to bring you down to her level

Lulu: She’d have to break every bone in my body if she didn’t cover me in the most wretched clothes

Lulu: I can feel how much she wants to when she measures & weighs me

Sekhmet: She isn’t even as big as she thinks she is

Lulu: It’s a thrilling amount of rage, the biggest

Lulu: I get to feel so alive again

Sekhmet: What else makes you feel alive?

Lulu: Praise, knowledge, closeness

Lulu: those are the usual other things, I suppose

Sekhmet: Yeah

Lulu: I’m ruining the vibe, aren’t I? 😶

Sekhmet: No, that was just very succinct 

Lulu: It’s a depressingly short list

Sekhmet: If it was easy, right?

Lulu: You make it seem effortless

Sekhmet: We’re not close enough to give up that secret

Lulu: Yet

Sekhmet: Aim high

Lulu: My secret is, I deliberately aimed to make the list less succinct than it is, they’re all forms of intimacy, really it’s just that one thing

Sekhmet: I think a lot of people would agree with you, if they thought about it

Lulu: Loneliness is a killer

Sekhmet: Okay, now you’re threatening the vibe a little

Lulu: 😅 whoops 🔪s & fabric ✂️ down, I swear! 

Sekhmet: Good or I’d not be coming in at this point

Lulu: You have to, you make me feel the most alive

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Lolly Sixth Form *and Adonis

okay so our vibe for form is it’s about 30 mins at the start of the day, after breakfast for boarders and before lessons, and there are 4 girls from each year in the form (year 7-13) so the energy is very look after the little ones and go to the older kids for advice and help, as well as your form teacher being your go-to teacher for things you need that aren’t related to your subjects, you probably also have a matron-esque person for things related to boarding; Definitely doing houses also and you get points for good behaviour, academic achievement and clubs and sporting, can also be taken away for poor behaviour and performance, Dolly and Lulu are in the same house just not form. HOUSE TEA, after research it seems like forms and houses are separated by boarding and day students as well as sex, so only boarding girls in your form/house, you literally live with your house if you board, it’s about 60 girls, and there is the housemistress (and her whole fam and dog lmao) a matron, the tutors of the forms in said house and then head girl as well as 6th form girls being prefects, absolutely can think of what the housemistress, matron, head girl and other tutors who live in are like; MORE TEA, school starts 8:25, chapel, assembly or form time, four lessons before lunch, after lunch from about 4:00, 2 clubs a day, sports, drama, art etc until 6:00, final reg ‘til 6:15, then there’s the ‘cultural hour’ til 7:15, prep aka homework for AT LEAST an hour after dinner assumedly, Saturday is chapel, three lessons, lunch, then sports all afternoon depending how much sports you do, there are like 150 clubs so get at it]

Sekhmet: Young Enterprise, Art, Photography & Drama & Theatre Studies

Dolly: EPQ, English Literature, Latin & RE

Adonis: EPQ, English Literature, Latin & French

Lulu: EPQ, Maths, Chemistry & Physics

Hathor: International certificate for digital literacy, Photography, Business & Politics

Okay so our Ruster twins have Photography together that’s it as far as actual lessons go, I assume EPQ is too individual to have any crossover for the weird twins

Sekhmet: Dance Fitness, Horse Riding, Netball, Spinning, Tennis, Yoga & Costume for Theatre (Drama club)

Dolly: Classics Society, Classical Greek Language, Philosophy Society, Religious Studies Film Society, Astronomy Club & Oxbridge Society once you know Adonis

Adonis: Rugby, Football, Boxing, Cricket, Cross Country, Basketball, D of E, Classical Greek language, Art Appreciation, Debating, Classics Society & Oxbridge Society 

Lulu: Chemistry Society, Physics Society, Maths Extension, Peer Mentoring, Drama, Tennis & Horse Riding (I am lowkey gonna be dropping these clubs like they’re hot as the storyline progresses so I needed ones we can axe)

Hathor: I don’t think you’d care to be in any clubs tbh unless your man makes you join the politics society with him or anything else he would

Sulu have Drama, Horse Riding & Tennis together while Lulu is going to those meaning I probably won’t axe them as fast as some of her other clubs

AD have Classics Society, Classical Greek Language & Oxbridge Society together despite the age gap

UNI

*Adonis Classics and Modern Languages (French) 4 years Oxford Worcester College

Dolly Philosophy and Theology 3 years Oxford Worcester College

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Jali pt.2

Johnny: [me like tbf my brother went through a weird stage of pissing in bottles so he could do that, not helpful if you need to go poo though, anyway, enough of me calling Matty out, he’ll be here doing big strokes of her hair how he always does and hence deffo was then, nodding his yeah it was cosy because it was, and then resting his chin on the top of her head for a beat, not saying anything because he wants her to listen to how remembering made his heartbeat, doing a big breath like a sigh when she shrugs because you wish too, telling her quietly how much this dodgy job he mentioned earlier is gonna pay because we all know it’s a lot and will be added to what he’s already saved for them to run away, so an unspoken don’t worry we can go soon]

Ali: [like I do truly believe you could manage it without your parents knowing because they have no reason to be upstairs but your siblings? That’d be harder even if not impossible lmao ANYWAY, doing a little shiver as you’re laying here listening to his heartbeat and thinking all the thoughts you are thinking ‘how long is the job for?’]

Johnny: [mhmm she’s sneaky and smart and I have all the faith in her to be able to pull that off but it’d be game over if that bitch Rosaline found out or baze, so sadly y’all probably can’t get away with that for longer than a weekend at most, rubbing her arms and anywhere else goosebumps would/could happen when she shivers, taking his time lowkey as a stalling tactic because I’m sure this job is gonna last longer than the one he did before and he is eventually gonna tell her, I won’t commit us cos we need to decide how long we want it to be and when we want him to go off and do it]

Ali: [looking up at him as best you can even if this means shifting your positions slightly because he’s stalling and that isn’t a good sign ‘you said it was risky’ remembering because this was the start of this convo and you were preoccupied with your own drama at the time, tone giving you wouldn’t say that if it wasn’t truly risky and thus do we want you doing this]

Johnny: [‘yeah’ because he did say that and he isn’t gonna go back on it now when it’s clearly true, with a tone like and that’s why it pays so well because obviously also true and why he’s considering doing it in the first place because their desire to leave has been upped by mcvickers deciding to parent not to mention the idea that she might be pregnant rn]

Ali: [shaking your head and pushing to sit yourself up because you don’t like it ‘if it’s what you wanna do’ doing a fine shrug because he can do what he wants ‘but not because of my parents’ bullshit, because of me’ we draw a line, it’s not that serious, we can handle this]

Johnny: [shaking his own head because he doesn’t like this response ‘all my work’s ‘cause of you, you’re with me’ bringing back that phrase which he said after their first hookup deliberately for this moment with emphasis on how he’s saying it because she doesn’t get to detach herself from it and their defined roles and provider is his culturally, even as just a boyfriend and he thought she understood that at this point]

Ali: [‘No, I know that’ rubbing your forehead on the back of your hand, trying to word this to put your own point across ‘I don’t know if I want you risking yourself for this then’]

Johnny: [me imagining her getting some mud on her forehead and him wiping it off with his own hand, because they’re much less muddy, despite the seriousness of this moment ‘this is already’ because he has been taking risks from the off so what’s one more]

Ali: [smiling slightly down at this hand at this gesture, trying to wipe some of the mud on yours off onto the grass that isn’t spun up, as if y’all can distract from the seriousness at hand here with busying yourself in some way ‘it’s different’ a sort of come on tone]

Johnny: [giving her a look in which he’s trying to express that yeah it is because as far as he’s concerned the risks he has already taken are bigger and mean more than the dangers of getting hurt or in trouble with the law or whatever on this job without needing to verbalise it because she knows or should know that ‘it’s for the good’ meaning not just this job but every risk he’s taken so far]

Ali: [meeting his eyes and not saying anything for a while, really thinking and processing this as much as you can ‘okay’ trying to be very neutral in your tone because you understand his point and don’t want to give off that you don’t just because you aren’t thrilled at the prospect]

Johnny: [saying ‘you trust me’ in gypsy lingo, taking the time after to repeat the word she doesn’t know there and add ‘that’s trust’ because the gravity of the situation needing this language behind it the same way ILY did, giving her the chance to construct her own I form of that knowing what she already knows and following what I assume would be a pattern]

Ali: [nodding, close to your excessive nod but not quite that because this is a different type of !! than the usual ‘I do’ can’t bring ourselves to use the lingo but we still want to say it]

Johnny: [‘then do, like’ as if it’s that simple and she has no business being worried about him or anything but he’s running his hand through his hair how he does which gives away his own !!]

Ali: [nudging him, softly, using your knee in his side between his hip bone and ribs ‘you’re not used to it, that’s all’ meaning having a girlfriend who cares about you]

Johnny: [his hand automatically going to his hip where she did her married initials cos always aware regardless of how many clothes may be in the way at any given point, throwing out his usual catchphrase of ‘what are we to do?’ quietly and softly to mean how am I ever going to get used to it because yeah he really isn’t and doesn’t feel like he ever will be with how much she cares]

Ali: [LOOKING in a way you know she’s also thinking about those initials now and when she did them ‘stick together’ as softly, smiling up at him because truly believe as long as you do that you’ll be okay which true enough but not what we let happen, soz]

Johnny: [me here HEARTBROKEN but this boy has no way to know so he’s just here LOOKING back at her in a way that’s beyond obvious he’s turned on by the mems of when she did it as well as having it there on him now to be able to feel, PRESSING into it more than the light touch he was doing previously to really be able to feel it and be reminded of how it felt when she did it and how it feels rn in this moment, having to do a lil noise about it as soft as they both spoke but so !!]

Ali: [leaning forward, back towards him, getting close enough to properly appreciate this little noise, flinching as if it was that loud but that’s just how it is getting to you ‘don’t hurt yourself’ as you move his hand gently to look at your handiwork and to see how it looks, always in between fully opened to vaguely healed and we wanna see the sitch today]

Johnny: [‘you’re hurting me’ as he always says when he’s the most turned on he’s ever been because here and now we’re defs feeling it and need her know despite how obvious it is always, not this boy pushing her head down like take an even closer look and while you’re there kiss this better whatever state it may or may not be in, shameless and as per he does not care where they are or how likely they are to be discovered/interrupted at any given second]

Ali: [making your own soothing awh baby noise but with more sincerity than that suggests, of course you are putting your lips to this scarring and LOOKING up at him, the is that better? going unspoken but being blatant in your eyes, doing a few passes off these initials with your lips softly brushing before pressing an actual kiss down, letting your tongue poke out and taste him briefly]

Johnny: [his eyes just being the darkest as they LOOK at her with a blatant but unspoken more in them the entire time because ofc you want more no matter how much she gives you sir you’re just that sort of bear, saying her name practically as a whisper but also practically as a moan when she finally kisses him and he feels that tongue there, moving her hand, regardless of how muddy it still may be because couldn't care less if a handprint is left, so she literally has to feel the effect that is having on him as it’s happening]

Ali: [when you love his eyes the most and even moreso when they’re dark as hell like this because you know what it means and just makes him more intense than he already is, having to close your own dramatically about it, pressing your forehead into his stomach, doing a dramatic breath as you are feeling how turned on he is, not at all being shy about how you are touching him even if it is outside of his clothing it’s still too indecent for the time and place as per, here licking around each letter slowly and thoroughly, retracing your steps and reminiscing, saying your name but as it is with these initials aka with his last name, saying it to yourself more than anything but you’re killing yourself with it so it’s obvious anyway]

Johnny: [at least these neighbours are her enemy so if they saw and said anything it’s more believable they’re trying to start shit than it is that this girl is being this blatantly indecent on their lawn, y’all are welcome for that because he has likewise no chill, he’s here running his hands over her body like she’s not even wearing clothes because that’s how !! you two feel rn, GRABBING at wherever he has reached by the time she’s saying her married name out loud because ofc he heard it and of course he’s dying about it, catch him picking this girl up and throwing her into the backseat of the car he has abandoned so they at least have a tiny bit more privacy, telling her to say it again as soon as her body hits the seat and not a second later with a ‘what was that you said out there?’ all the !! in how he says it and the way he’s LOOKING at her as he asks]

Ali: [your mother would never publicly side with this fam over you, it’s fine girl, I mean it isn’t fine but the least of your worries honestly and you have none that aren’t directly related to this boy in front of you right now, it’s a good thing you’re now in this car because the unholy noise already as you’re here shifting on these seats ‘my name’ because gotta make him ask twice, of course]

Johnny: [this car is saving lives even though it cannot be overstated how immediately he asked that, literally has not even closed the car door exactly like how they never do to mcvickers’ gaff and he’s straight in her grill with that question and now with STARING at her with those dark af eyes waiting for her to tell him what her name is, touching his hip again, having pulled down whatever trousers he’s wearing enough to really do it, but not breaking the EYE CONTACT for a single sec as he traces these initials, the ‘go on’ coming out indecent as hell when it finally does, the most encouragement there could possibly be in 2 words]

Ali: [y’all love a bit of that, the appearance of more privacy but not really lol, god bless, pulling the neck of his top town to touch your name there too like I know you’ve not forgotten, breathing as shakily as your body is under him unable to keep even slightly still, would seem like you were stalling if it wasn’t clear how genuine your inability to get the words out is here and now with him LOOKING at you like that ‘isn’t that what you want too?’ just above a whisper]

Johnny: [will the car door ever be shut who can say but here and now it definitely isn’t going to be lol, no rush ever as far as y’all are concerned, hence catch this boy taking his top fully off when there is no need and it’s 100% not the weather or season for it, and then pushing his body back into her hands like she wasn’t touching it enough before, hit her with a lesson in how to say my name is in your secret lingo, indecently saying the words in both languages because that’s what he wants, we love to see it]

Ali: [GRABBING his body as roughly as you have ever, bruising his skin with all the energy you’re expending to keep the unhinged sounds/any words at all coming out of you because you need the first and only things you say here with your whole chest to be ‘my name is Ali O’Shaughnessy and my husband is Johnny O’Shaughnessy’ because you know that word too and can use it to full effect here LOOKING up at him from where you’re essentially pinned, not that you can stay still for all the trying in the world]

Johnny: [that LOOK being returned with the most intensity it ever has because he doesn’t know what to do with himself about hearing this and her once again saying it as perfectly as she has with no corrections at all needed from him, so what he decides to do when he stops short circuiting and can vaguely function is to go over his name on her chest with the key (which he has not redone since he OG did it) as closely in time to her saying it as he can but he’s inevitably slightly stalled by the fact that he doesn’t wanna ferally rip this chain from her neck and break it, meaning there’s the return of the back of the neck SQUEEZE as he undoes it, lowkey ripping some of her hair out in his haste though to find in this car later, and then whatever top she’s wearing is gonna fully be a casualty whether it’s buttons he’s completely ripping off or a neck hole getting ripped bigger or a strap getting pulled off or whatever it may be because no chill or time to waste, finally going over his name ridiculously hard and deep making this key already slippy with her blood before his gets added from his hand opening up from how he’s GRIPPING this key in both concentration and !! but if you think he’s stopping there after more indecently copying her earlier move on his hip initials to clean up at least some of this blood with his mouth you’re incorrect because he’s adding his long ass last name as well (god knows where or how that’s fitting lol) while pinning her exclusively and even more dramatically with his lower body the entire time because will have never been more turned on than in the moment she realises (and reacts to the fact) he isn’t done and is writing more and therefore what that more must be, and as a result, if either of them even dare move involuntarily he feels like he’s gonna die before this name is done properly and we can’t have that]

Ali: [me here like don’t bleed out and die, casually the longest name of all time lmao, obviously it’s more superficial than all the blood suggests so you’re not going to but it’s still going to be looking like a crime scene in this vehicle with the hair and the blood, y’all love to see it, like indecently so, good thing she is being pinned even though this would look like a violent assault if you hadn’t seen them snuggling on the ground but moments ago, the lack of control she has in every way is no joke, again, thank GOD you aren’t running after an ILY now because she’s all but screaming it in your face, the !! is so real]

Johnny: [I’m so glad you stole a vehicle that needs doing up and not the lads work one or something because imagine they’d think a murder had been committed lol, you at least had that much sense while you were capable thankfully because here in this moment he isn’t, we’re all hysterical, I can’t even spell his last name that’s how ridiculous it is so god bless you for trying to fit it on this gal’s body, kiss her the second you’re done because you both need to shh and physically cannot, hasn’t even let go of this key yet that’s how immediate we’re being with that as soon as he doesn’t need his full concentration on scarring her for life, 100000% leaving a bloody handprint on her stomach as they makeout under the mud one that’s still there though, so it’ll be getting dropped for that]

Ali: [you don’t want those kind of questions being asked, you don’t want to admit you have a girlfriend never mind a potential murder victim lol, not that any of your friends and fams heads are going there, it’d be assumed to be a fight even if a bad one, ANYWAY; like this girl will be covered entirely with your name at this point, I do not know how it’s managing to be so well hidden, in this moment though it is on full display and we’re trying to look at it whilst needing to be kissing you with our all, which is making for a sloppy and confused kiss but we regret nothing ‘you’re the only one-’ as something intelligible to his ear that isn’t just pure pleasured NOISE, not meaning you’re the only boy (although he is) but we’re thinking about how no one else cares about us how he does]

Johnny: [mhmm he has not thought through concealing this at all because in the moment we only care about the opposite which is how visible it is and how much she can feel it rn so no fucks given to the future which I love because unheard of for this stresshead, likewise moving her head to LOOK at it whilst not stopping kissing her for a single second, they’re on the same page with that, to which we can add to the chaos him also trying to nod in answer to what she said, me like please don’t give her another black eye or bloody nose or something she’s trying to keep these antics concealed as much as possible from her parenting parents]

Ali: [we’re in our fearless era, so sad this has to come to an end soon, hate it actually, focus on the now when you truly believe you’ll be away and together soon and nothing and no one can stop you two, putting your hands over his handprints on your stomach and GASPING as if this action has winded you and it’s not him and this and everything about it]

Johnny: [honestly what a time to be alive I wish y’all could stay here forever because what we do in the next era of your lives is the cruellest of us ‘what name do you want the baby to have?’ because he’s here thinking about all the ways he could put 13 children’s names on his body don’t mind him]

Ali: [I will never forgive us for our nasty nasty ways tbh, here so overwhelmed at the idea of naming this baby and the next and the next that you think is coming for y’all, shaking your head to his nod like I can’t, not right now, because will simply DIE]

Johnny: [STARING at her with the closeness of their foreheads pressed together like his dark af intense eyes giving the most eye contact possible will be able to force her to answer instead of just making it harder for her to]

Ali: [just saying his name as an instinct at this EYE CONTACT but also because you mean it, whether you understand that that’s culturally a done thing in this moment or you just want this baby to also have his name so you can say it even more often, who can say but you’re not changing your mind or answer thank you]

Johnny: [0 hesitation in maintaining this insane level of eye contact as he initiates a hookup in response to her answer because no other answer of his own is acceptable, even if he’s still so turned on by everything that’s happened he has no idea how he is going to make this last longer than the immediate first second and contact, simply must nevertheless, love that this door is very much not been closed so everyone can hear his UNHOLY noise as he does, because this is all giving the same energy as the first time he came inside her instead of pulling with how !! every physical reaction is]

Ali: [we know you’re both going to die and we’re okay with that, it’s got to be done and done exactly like this, open doors and middle of the day publicity be damned, excuse us world, at least you can speed off if anyone comes out because yeah, a scene has truly been made here, well done y’all, couldn’t be prouder]

Johnny: [me and Win both like not yet he can’t because everyone and everything but her be damned is exactly the vibe and when this is over in would be an embarrassingly quick time, if y’all cared which y’all do not, his only priority is finding that key he dropped, wiping the blood that’s drying on it against the wetness of her thigh and then touching her indecently with said key because it’s a tragedy that has never happened before and therefore here and now when she is DEAD on this backseat is the ideal moment to give her all the clitoral stimulation he could and did not during that hookup, we don’t make the rules, being so careful so that he doesn’t fuck her up with any sharp parts of this key but so deliberate in achieving his goal to kill her more]

Ali: [out here questioning ‘how can you be so gentle?’ because truly, the contrast would end you if nothing else but obviously everything else about it is so lowkey famous last words there, grip on sanity and consciousness is very loose by this point, at least you’ve never been laid more down in a hookup and there is very little room for you to go anywhere when you do pass out lol]

Johnny: [thanks for passing out girl so that he doesn’t have to answer that because your guess is as good as his how he can be gentle ever when you’re not this bitch nor are you allowed to be anywhere but here, just do some BIG hair strokes until she’s back with you]

Ali: [when you’re blinking up at him like you may have dreamed this all because obviously all your dreams are about him but I doubt however intense they may feel they can truly match up, pulling on his hair gently to pull his face down closer to you, cuddling into him tightly]

Johnny: [excuse him giving her the softest kiss he has ever which will only add to the dreamlike quality of this moment but his fingers are lightly tracing over his handiwork and even that gentle pressure will feel dramatic when his name is as freshly done as it is so that’ll ground her back in reality]

Ali: [a pained noise, as you also deepen the kiss in response, because it would undeniably hurt but that doesn’t mean you’re not into it ‘don’t forget me’ because you know you’re going to have to see him less, for however long this takes and you really can’t stand that thought, nearly shedding a tear about it but you can still touch him and feel his warmth rn so you’re not]

Johnny: [doing his own kind of pained noise at the idea he ever could, a literal non verbal equivalent of I can’t as he’s shaking his head while kissing her like his life depends on it and then eventually manoeuvring her to put this chain back around her neck because he would hate if she accidentally left it behind because of these feral antics]

Ali: [pulling away from the kiss but not far enough you’re disrupting him putting this chain back on, just forcing a pause about it ‘I don’t wanna be brave’ like he was telling you to be with this gesture, the realest and saddest pouty face you’ve ever done because when do you ever get to act like this, answer you do not, not with your family]

Johnny: [using this pause to really LOOK at her, all the feeling in his eyes because nobody gets that more than this boy does that’s his role too always and the exchange of mutual understanding is important in this moment ‘it’s one of the things I can do for you’ after that beat because he’ll be brave so she doesn’t have to]

Ali: [‘we can be sad together’ doing the half-laugh when nothing is funny but you still know how melodramatic you sound and can acknowledge it without derailing your point, because you can be, resting your head on his chest where your name is, looking positively faded in comparison to the fresh wounding of his name on yours ‘I won’t forget how this sounds’ tapping out his bpm how you always do]

Johnny: [fastening this necklace on because has to be busying himself with being helpful in a way he can because there’s a lot of ways he can’t ahead with this forced degree of separation and he hates that because he’s that sort of bear ‘forget and it’d stop’ because he can be melodramatic too and say he’d literally die, he’s always that serious and that intense and we make no apologies for it]

Ali: [stopping your impromptu drumming on his arm to CLUTCH it like NO because the worst thing we’ve ever heard and we can’t bear to think about it, not even in this hypothetical scenario which you don’t believe will ever happen ‘I’ll remember you all my lives’]

Johnny: [‘how many are you thinking you’ll live?’ amused despite the utter seriousness of what he said but a sec ago because it’s funny to him she’s living plural]

Ali: [smiling up at him and shrugging like that’s the mystery boy ‘however many you do’ casually saying it won’t be worth living if he’s not there, it’s fine]

Johnny: [‘we’ve this one to make our most of’ me breaking my own heart because so much time gets needlessly wasted but he’s saying it with every intention of them doing exactly that together]

Ali: [your smile only getting bigger in response because that’s exactly your intention too and of course you don’t see any reason why it won’t happen ‘my parents would love you’ as you’re shifting, only now discovering he’s broken your top and doing a bit of on the go mending casually]

Johnny: [‘I’d go knocking this minute were that so’ because no they wouldn’t but oh how y’all wish you could just date openly like other peeps your age are doing rn, said casually as you watch her fix this top you didn’t even realise was broken as if it’s not the heartbreaking truth of y’all’s life]

Ali: [nodding like they would so ‘you’re so… decent’ looking down to fix this top still as you’re saying this and uncovering his name slightly so LOOKING back up at him and doing a conspiratorial grin ‘what they’d need to know about you’]

Johnny: [putting his hair up for the first time today, because y’all got so hot and bothered with your feral ways it cannot stay down plus it’s bound to be a tangled mess of mud and blood and all sorts by now lol, as he shakes his head no, grinning back even bigger than hers is like an I told so you so to his no I’m not]

Ali: [watching him with your heart eyes and looking like you’re copying him by putting your own hair up for the same reasons, grinning even more wildly like a little kid at all your sharing experiences here, leaning forward to kiss him, seemingly, but instead licking some of this mess off his face cheekily ‘this is no one else’s business but ours’]

Johnny: [cue him holding her face as if he’s trying to keep hers away from his in a playfighty manner except not at all because it’s their signature move and he’s doing it with so much feeling and his own massive heart eyes ‘you’re nobody’s but mine’ quietly but with all the intensity of and don’t forget that either being added unspoken to the end of it]

Ali: [closing your eyes slowly and only briefly, the length it takes you to do a big breath out and to sink imperceptibly into his touch ‘I’m yours’ as the fact it is, no notes]

Johnny: [‘when a girl comes I’ll name her for you’ me SCREAMING crying because he does do that, even though here in this moment you have no idea the turn life is gonna take and you just think you’re saying it like she said it earlier]

Ali: [how dare you honestly boo, you evil little moo, gotta compose myself ‘cos you don’t know what we know but even so, DYING over the idea of your mini-mes, leaning back in to kiss him more ‘I love you’ because what else can you even]

Johnny: [catch him accidentally ruining her ponytail when he kisses her back so immediately after she put her hair up that it would seem like a deliberate pisstakey move done by someone else but it’s truly not he’s just holding her face and her hair so dramatically through this that it’s a casualty like her top was]

Ali: [at least you always have wild hair so this ain’t nothing for your parents to clock lmao, not that that would make us consider stopping you, nothing would and as per nothing registers but him and this moment, just here breathlessly telling him how attractive he is into this makeout]

Johnny: [here lowkey cradling her into this makeout like she’s a baby or Clove, in contrast not breathing at all is how it seems, because it at least vaguely registers to you that there is a clock ticking and he doesn’t wanna leave (as if he’ll suddenly have to if he breathes in or out), even if you have no concept of how long you’ve been here any more because it got so feral so fast as it always does with y’all and you can’t even work out how long you’ve been in this car never mind when you showed up sat on its roof]

Ali: [pressing into his chest, not actually as hard as real CPR of course but enough force to make him like no, don’t die on me, not intending to be that dramatic but needs must ‘we won’t say bye, nothing like that’ shaking your head, like not acknowledging it changes the outcome]

Johnny: [doing such an OTT GASP at her and basically into her mouth as if it was CPR because everything feels that dramatic and he can’t and won’t stop being ever, no notes]

Ali: [we love to see it, honestly, more than you even imagined, kissing him more frantically about it like this is all vital life-saving work being done nbd]

Johnny: [going from having her pinned to within an inch of her life earlier to her being the one pinning you is cinematic and he loves to see it hence he’s letting her and making such a noise about it which is giving the same franticness for them to stay here like this forever]

Ali: [mhmm, we are both here for it, here fully sitting on him, contrary to trying to get him to breathe, also contrary to him being able to go anywhere at all like he was really trying to ‘you can come back, every night’ said like YOU MUST]

Johnny: [press your palm against hers as if y’all are comparing hand sizes but what he’s actually going is grabbing hers and keeping hold of it while he vows this by crushing their scars together, not that his can be called a scar rn when it’s open af from those key antics but still ‘’til you’ve school and I’ve work on the morning’ like yep deal]

Ali: [oh you two and your serious ways will kill me, feeling instantly 100 times better about this situation again because all it takes is reassurance you can still see each other ‘we need to’ like yes, it is bad enough we can’t spend every waking minute together]

Johnny: [‘you’ve a bed for me’ it’s actually Rosaline’s but don’t let that stop y’all from feeling like everything is fated because tis the era where you think god himself is smiling upon you so, we all remember what happened on said bed including this boy who’s smiling himself remembering it]

Ali: [pushing the corners of his smile so happily, even if you’re pretending to be offended ‘had no idea you didn’t want to share that bad’ like lol okay sleepover it is and no funny business]

Johnny: [looking at her stomach as he says ‘you’re sharing already’ as if she’s preggo af and there isn’t gonna be room for him because the girls can dream even if said girls (me and Jonathan) have to wait forever for that to actually come true]

Ali: [looking down at your stomach too, taking his hand that you were still clasping, patting the skin with SO much love it hurts me, doing a little hmm as an okay but ‘you know where you’re needed’]

Johnny: [we’re just making ourselves sad on this day apparently because same boo, little do these happy nerds know ‘sure, we’ll push ‘em together for a bed the right size’ because how quickly he simply must give in to sleeping with her, not soz girl Ro]

Ali: [we’ve only ourselves to blame I fear ‘you’re not going to regret it’ like we’ve really pulled his arm there, covering him in lots of little fast kisses ‘I make the best roommate’ stroking his face as if following the trail of your own kisses]

Johnny: [a hot lol that’s giving but you might in a playful way as is the mischief in his eyes because we all know how extra this boy is and that he simply won’t leave her alone to sleep ever again, at least until said eyes have to close for a second because she’s stroking his face like that and it’s so serious again then because of how good that feels, taking her hand and using her fingers to count off everything she is, roommate now obvs but also wife, mother etc all the things with all their gypsy lingo words]

Ali: [dragging your top front teeth over your bottom lip because he’s hot and you love him, doing the opposite and pulling his top lip into a lazily !! kiss with your bottom teeth, just ‘cos, all whilst being so soft with how you’re stroking his face and then his hair too, emosh at all the things he considers you, not at all casually ‘I’d sooner be nothing to anyone to be everything to you’]

Johnny: [we’re all emosh, have they ever been more in love, no they have not, this boy’s here overwhelmed by the levels of emotion he’s feeling and so am I ‘you made me into something’ not at all casual just because he can’t find the words for it, very much not casual in fact ‘I don’t know about anybody else managing what you’ve’]

Ali: [me like stfu girl before you kill him and yourself, at least you can have the most passionate makeout you have ever about this because no, the love has never been realer than now]

Johnny: [mhmm have your makeout and do the most while you can because for all your every night talk guys who knows when they’ll actually sneakily see each other again, not them and not us yet]

Ali: [you can try your best honeys but yes, we must think on that]

Johnny: [I have all the faith in y’all as I’ve said before but we wanna keep it realistic and the right amounts of cockblockery and angst, so]

Ali: [*life cockblock, can be continued when needed]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Jali pt.1

Ali: Are you awake?

Ali: You looked like you were going to fall back asleep when I left

Johnny: No

Ali: No you’re not awake or

Ali: You should go back to bed then, this isn’t going to make you feel any better

Johnny: What isn’t?

Ali: It’s such bullshit, I debated if it was even worth telling you, or if they’d have lost their resolve by tomorrow

Ali: my parents are deciding to parent, suddenly

Johnny: Your eye decided for ‘em

Ali: I told them it was an accident, ‘cos it was 

Ali: but apparently everyone here has been saying how concerned they are behind my back so they’d not listen to a word I had to say in my own defence

Johnny: But you’re not under their lock and key you’re under mine

Ali: I should have stayed with you

Johnny: Be none left of your dress if you’d stayed, you needed some to keep hold of away from me

Ali: I’ll need it to turn into a rope to climb out of this tower I’m locked in

Ali: They’re never serious, not like this, ma especially has lost the plot

Johnny: I’ll see to freeing you

Johnny: What match’s she to how serious I am

Ali: You can’t come on your bike

Johnny: Plenty else here to drive

Ali: She’s all but had your name given to her, I’d kill Joe, if he wasn’t locked up himself

Johnny: Has she sense to not go about speaking it?

Ali: Only if I do as I’m told

Ali: or appear to be, anyway

Johnny: You’ll do as you’ve been told by me, smart girl

Johnny: bring no trouble

Ali: I’m not

Ali: she doesn’t know who you are

Johnny: You’ll not, you’ve all the knowing, who I am and how you’re to act, I’ve trust in you

Ali: But I hate being away from you

Johnny: You’re never to be sent away the now, you’re mine

Johnny: and I’m to keep you, we’ve to be more careful

Ali: Tell me how

Johnny: Busy yourself with what she wants, it’ll not last

Ali: You want the list?

Ali: I had to repeat it back like we’re in the army now

Johnny: Gorjas don’t mean what they say, she’s all only talk

Ali: I’ll see if she actually bothers taking me through the school gates tomorrow, I guess

Johnny: I’ll have my eye out

Ali: 😍

Ali: Promise?

Johnny: Every day ‘til your last through ‘em

Ali: Just makes me want to get out of here even faster

Ali: and I already think about that all the time

Johnny: There’s a job I can take

Johnny: thought a risk before but I’d call what they’re asking a worthy one enough to speed our plans up

Ali: What sort of risk?

Johnny: Sort where it’s best you don’t get told

Ali: I trust you, you don’t make rash decisions, you’re careful

Johnny: If it goes wrong your parents finally bothering themselves to look after you, I’ll worry less

Ali: That’s not an option, only you

Johnny: Be waiting for us and I’ll come home

Ali: Where do you go to church?

Johnny: [tell her]

Ali: With all your lessons, I’m sure I’ll be able to convince them I’m going to Bible study, be free in no time

Ali: I only have to seem like anyone’s word but yours matters to me 

Johnny: Divine guidance was important to you yesterday, had my man Jesus and your man both fooled, is it?

Ali: There’s no secrets between us

Ali: Unless your secret is you’re all-seeing as your man Jesus

Johnny: Maybe

Ali: I’ve felt it, I just don’t know how else you manage it but divine powers

Ali: which we’re gonna need

Johnny: My word’s final as his and I’ve said I’ve need of you

Ali: I wish I could just tell them the truth

Ali: they don’t understand me, what I want

Johnny: We’d that in common from the off

Johnny: the truth and understanding’s only ours, between us

Ali: We recognised it in each other without need of speaking 

Ali: it’s ours to live, I can’t live this bullshit she wants for me like it’s real

Ali: School and homework and pills and no you 

Johnny: Pills? That’s a disgrace

Ali: Well, THE pill

Ali: no mention of the mental kind yet but I wouldn’t be surprised 

Johnny: I know where [the psych ward Joe is at] is, they drop you off I’ll pick you up

Ali: They aren’t going to make it that easy for you

Johnny: No matter how hard it’s made

Ali: I don’t need to ask if that’s a promise

Johnny: I’ve sworn others enough

Ali: Luckily, I do know you

Ali: way she’s carrying on about how I’m being used is enough to give a weaker girl a complex

Johnny: Being held up against the example of Moses and lads like him, who she’s got her knowing of and from, would give a weaker lad one

Johnny: but it’s nothing I’ve not heard everywhere I’ve been

Ali: It’s my da I feel sorry for

Ali: if he’s not convinced you that not every man is your father or your firstborn’s father, what are you still doing together, how is that fair

Johnny: His work’s never to be done by the sounds of

Ali: Hers here is half-hearted when your name has been on me for… how much longer than this bruise

Ali: It’s too late, I’m yours

Johnny: Your daddy’s just a man on his own, singular, and she’s a mammy eager her baby don’t repeat her mistakes, faulting them too hard’d not be fair of you

Ali: You’re fair to a fault

Ali: another thing she doesn’t know about you 

Ali: I know it but she’s just pissing me off, acting like she doesn’t have 4 sons of her own who couldn’t be more different from each other if they tried

Johnny: Respect’s due for what they’ve given you, and me, that don’t mean we let the rest be taken off us on their say

Ali: It should be mutual

Ali: it will be or I’m not talking until it is

Johnny: They’re in the wrong but we can’t make it right

Ali: Not right now

Johnny: Keeping ourselves on the path is what we can & will do

Ali: I suppose I’ll have to go to school then 😒😣

Ali: do what she wants so hopefully she lets me out and I can see you after work

Johnny: And keep on with your paper job

Ali: You’ve changed your mind

Johnny: No

Johnny: circumstances have

Ali: You did say you’d do it with me 

Johnny: So if they’ll not following you along to every door, sure

Ali: Might be 2 down but there’s still 6 of us kids and 1 still a proper baby

Ali: they can’t be that committed to just me, not at [the ridiculous AM a paper round usually is]

Johnny: A proper eye on the girls cuts the numbers down, but it’d do us no favours me telling your parents how to

Ali: Mm, think on

Ali: Bea’s perfect and Ro is never out of their sight so 

Johnny: You’re perfect, they don’t know how to handle you’s what it is

Ali: I’m what

Johnny: You’ve had more schooling than us, read it

Ali: I don’t know if you’ve ever called me that before

Ali: maybe when I’m giving you loads of reason to

Johnny: This here’s a reason, don’t forget who you’re behaving for when your parents reckon it’s them

Ali: I could never forget

Johnny: What’s to happen’s the same

Johnny: we’ll go as we’ve said

Ali: Nothing could change my mind

Ali: that was never in question

Johnny: We can’t force your family into the right no more than mine but we’re doing what’s right for ourselves

Ali: But don’t you find it infuriating like me?

Ali: I want all the things your family value

Ali: and I’d be safer and happier than mine can even imagine with you

Johnny: You know how I find it

Ali: Neither of us gets a chance to prove ourselves

Johnny: I’ll prove myself to you, that’s all what matters

Ali: You’ll keep proving yourself, you already have

Johnny: We’ll a family of our own, as we want it

Ali: 13

Johnny: From as soon as you are

Ali: By your birthday

Johnny: Timing’s set by him to be as perfect as you

Ali: As long as we can dance together then, I don’t need anything else

Johnny: We can dance together whenever

Ali: You remember last night, right?

Johnny: I remember that

Ali: You’re an adorable drunk

Johnny: Ah, give over

Johnny: I weren’t neither of them things

Ali: but you’re ALWAYS adorable

Johnny: You’re never serious, girl

Ali: I’m always serious about you, boy

Ali: my room doesn’t feel like mine now, like it does but mine from the past

Johnny: You’re not their little girl, you’re mine

Ali: You’re home now, wherever you are

Johnny: I’ve been in that room where you are

Ali: Oh, I remember

Johnny: You remember all I said?

Ali: I like reminders

Johnny: Your reminder you’re not to swallow that pill every day

Ali: I’d never hurt our babies, not for anyone

Johnny: [tell her she’ll be a good mother in your gypsy lingo because you basically said it in her room on that day but not as directly as you are now and she knows the word for mother already so she’ll be able to work it out]

Ali: You’re already an incredible father 

Johnny: I’m what?

Ali: [be nice/evil depending how you look at it and say it again as a voice note]

Johnny: You know

Johnny: how important you are to me & that what’s to be handled, I’ll handle to see you taken care of

Ali: I’m thinking he knew the need I had of you, it’s the only explanation that makes sense

Ali: I don’t deserve you but I’ll work to make it so I do

Johnny: You’ve already done what’s needed to deserve me

Ali: We’ll look after each other, it’ll make us the best parents we can be

Johnny: We’re made for it and each other, we can’t do wrong

Ali: I only want it with you, you’re not allowed to do it with someone else

Johnny: I’d be going against God and what he wants for us

Ali: And what we want

Johnny: Right, this is what I have to do

Ali: But say it

Johnny: [send her a voice note back obvs]

Ali: Jesus

Ali: your voice is now the one in my head but when it’s really from you it’s even better

Johnny: Your name on me’s why I can cope with you away but I’m still troubled by missing you harder than I can stand

Ali: It’s like you’ve taken parts of me, you have, I don’t feel whole away from you

Johnny: Maybe you’d feel whole with a baby in you but there’s no testing it, you’ll not be out my sight then

Ali: That you’d trust me, with that much of you

Johnny: You’ve proved yourself to be trusted, a good girl you are

Ali: You deserve the best

Johnny: A son 1st, even if the other 12 are girls

Ali: You can have 7 to 6

Ali: It doesn’t matter to me, as long as they’re like you

Johnny: 13 of each we’ve said

Ali: See, so fair

Ali: What’s the biggest family you’ve ever known, for real?

Johnny: [give her the tea of different families you’ve known cos idk but I bet some peeps are still wilding even if it’s not like way back in the day hence not as cray as y’all are saying you’ll be]

Johnny: ours’ll be the biggest

Ali: Twins run in mine

Ali: My da is 1 of 10 too

Johnny: Goes to prove again you were made for me, exact as I want

Ali: I felt that the minute I laid eyes on you, that connection, no way to put words to it yet

Johnny: Be why you kept putting yourself under my eyes

Ali: I’m not gonna be sorry about that

Johnny: You can’t

Ali: It’s you, it always has been

Johnny: It has to be

Ali: I’m so in love with you

Johnny: When can I come for you?

Ali: I don’t know

Ali: how long do you think I need to give dutiful daughter? 

Ali: things are still pretty tense here

Johnny: Dutiful to them’s a while yet

Ali: But we’ve only been apart [however many hours it’d be] since we got back together

Johnny: I could watch you in their house for [the same number of hours]

Ali: 😳 I can see the benefit for me but won’t you be bored?

Johnny: You’d not let me

Ali: That wouldn’t be nice of me, no

Ali: and you know what window is mine, once they’re sleeping

Johnny: I’ll be there in [however long it takes him], you know

Ali: Enough time to get pretty

Johnny: Time enough to send another message with how you’re dressed

Ali: I won’t pick one of the two dresses I already know you like, be cheating

Johnny: Play fair even though your parents don’t, we’re better

Ali: They don’t know how many reminders of you there are in this place, how unfair that is

Johnny: How long’d you sit on the stairs?

Ali: Whole time she was going on, it was the only way to stop myself telling the truth of it all

Johnny: Be none left to the inside of your mouth

Ali: You’ll have to feel the bite marks, and take my word that I was even wetter than I am now

Johnny: Only fair adding my own, that’s how we’re playing

Ali: I still need the marks everywhere only your eyes see

Johnny: You need proper clothes to cover you everywhere

Ali: Only my eyes showing, yeah

Ali: different conversion

Johnny: More or less

Johnny: they’ll like you dressing for winter, I’ve been telling you ages now

Ali: It’s the only thing that could be public and now I can’t even have that

Johnny: Nobody has need of looking at you but me

Ali: They look at me and know my body's not my own, definitely can’t be theirs

Johnny: Whoever don’t know it I’ll teach the way of things fast enough

Ali: Everyone else may as well be invisible

Ali: no one registers

Johnny: I’ll key my name into you 11 more times before we go from here

Ali: Please

Johnny: You’re losing nothing never, long as I’ve say in it

Ali: Your word is law to me, you know that

Ali: like your name is holy

Johnny: How are we to think of 26 names?

Ali: They’ll come to us too

Ali: if not when we’re making them, when they’re growing 

Johnny: Inside you

Ali: Inside me, from you, growing between us

Johnny: Maybe that’s already happening

Ali: Maybe

Ali: I won’t check

Johnny: I’ll let you, if you’ve a want to

Ali: It’s fate, whenever it happens, I figure

Ali: you only check if you need to do something about it

Johnny: I’ll check looking at you the start of each day whilst you’re throwing papers at other gorjas

Ali: 😍 I’ll try not to get fat, make it awkward for us all

Johnny: You’ve need of fitting in your dress

Ali: Can only look the other way if you’re not looking a total show, ‘course

Johnny: Holy show, for a reason

Ali: Will you see if you can feel it, when you’re here

Ali: I think I’m just driving myself mad here

Johnny: What’ve you felt?

Ali: Not kicks, nothing that big

Ali: but it’s like… fluttering, maybe you’d hear something too if you laid there, that I can’t

Johnny: I’m after hearing that

Ali: I don’t promise, ‘cos I know how bad I want it that it might not be so yet

Johnny: I know it about you, what your word means

Ali: and I know you’ll be able to tell me the truth

Johnny: We’re able to keep on with trying, if there’s no baby now

Ali: We’re not stopping even if there is

Ali: if I’ve any say in the matter

Johnny: Gently maybe, I can’t risk the hurt of either of yous

Ali: The baby, maybe

Johnny: You’re my [the secret lingo word for baby] too

Ali: But you know that I like it, whatever everyone else thinks

Johnny: Your body’ll be getting ready for them, I need to be careful with it

Ali: Hmm

Johnny: You don’t with mine

Ali: That’s not playing fair 

Johnny: S’not a game, what you’re doing for me

Ali: You’re doing it for me too, it’s all real, what we want

Johnny: I’m praying the baby’s real

Ali: I have

Ali: but maybe not properly, you’ll have to tell me how you do it

Johnny: I’ll show you, we can go to [the name of his church] together

Ali: Yeah?

Johnny: You should have knowing of your bible for more than a cover story, you’re to raise my babies

Ali: I don’t know nothing, like

Ali: I just have had it taught to me in different ways than you

Johnny: Go on, tell it to me

Ali: All 783,137 words?

Johnny: I don’t know about you having all those words at hand or in your heart

Johnny: what you do, like

Ali: You got me, I’m not quite that good

Johnny: Close enough for me

Ali: I remember what you called me

Johnny: I stand by it

Ali: All of it?

Johnny: Yeah

Ali: Me too

Johnny: I remember all of last night

Johnny: stand by what I said then too

Ali: You knew I didn’t want to ask

Johnny: I’d say it again for your asking

Ali: Will you say it again, please

Johnny: [voice note her what is only your 2nd ILY ever]

Ali: Johnny

Johnny: I love you, I can’t not

Ali: You tried

Johnny: I’m more after trying to do right by you, love you in the ways that are proper

Ali: We’ve got our whole lives to get it right

Johnny: How long’ve we got ‘til your birthday?

Ali: [do it in days]

Ali: That sounds like forever

Johnny: Feels like

Ali: I’m sorry

Johnny: Can’t be helped, by you least of

Ali: I could be older

Johnny: You remember what I said you are, say it back

Ali: Can’t I talk about you instead?

Johnny: No

Ali: 🥺 but, you’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had

Johnny: You’ve had no others

Ali: Still true

Johnny: So’s what I called you, say it, Ali

Ali: [say it, can hear the 😳 in your voice]

Johnny: That’s my girl

Ali: I’m going to think of all the things I can do here, for the caravan, give me things to do and ways to try not to spend all my time just missing you

Johnny: Whenever I’m not busying myself working I’ll put some in there

Johnny: Oh and I near forgot [sending her a pic of his work in progress DIY project, which we’ve said since is the crib, that he’s done some more of]

Ali: [the secret lingo word for daddy specifically]

Ali: It’s really beautiful

Johnny: Have to make another if the babies are twins 1st but I’d let you help with that 1

Ali: You’ll need all my help, there’s so much to be done for us to be ready

Johnny: Think of them all and make them known to me

Ali: I can already picture your serious face

Ali: We will be ready, no one wants this more than us

Johnny: We’re ready in loads of the ways

Ali: You’re good with kids, I’ve seen you about with your family

Johnny: It’s not what boys are meant to do with themselves but I like it

Johnny: my mammy’s always let me

Ali: You’ll be a better father for it, that’s important

Ali: I think it’s lovely, you are

Johnny: From the start she’s told us the same

Ali: She sounds smart

Johnny: Like you, there’s reminders for me of her in you

Johnny: I’d have her know you, if I could

Ali: I’d love to get to know her, if we could, all your family

Ali: I feel bad, that I can’t give you that

Johnny: You’re giving all you can

Johnny: a family that’s our own

Ali: All I want’s you to be the happiest

Johnny: I am with you

Ali: Good

Ali: you won’t leave me then

Johnny: I’d need to be in my grave to

Ali: No graves, only weddings and christenings and all the other mad Catholic ones you do

Ali: I can’t lose you ever

Johnny: [talk about how you’re gonna have this girl baptised or whatever it is called before you get married, I cannot because I don’t know enough about it but just know he’s been thinking about it and he has it planned quite a lot in his head]

Ali: Do I get to have the dress?

Ali: We can go shopping

Johnny: You can have whatever you ask for, s’your special day

Ali: I liked having you dress me

Johnny: Your turn this time, you’re to pick out my church clothes so’s I look nice for you

Ali: You’re so good-looking

Ali: who else can say they’re covert back into Catholicism handsome

Johnny: I’d cut my hair on your say, only yours

Ali: I would NEVER say that

Ali: your hair is so high up my list of favourite things

Johnny: I’ll grow it on your say then, like our man Jesus

Ali: Jesus is hot, are we allowed to think that?

Ali: I assume it’s on purpose, like

Johnny: Don’t go thinking it in front of me

Johnny: I’d commit the sin of pulling him down from his cross off the wall there, be damning us in his house so you would

Ali: Why is that the hottest thing you’ve ever said?

Ali: Sorry to that man and his daddy but

Johnny: No sorry, you’re mine before you’re his or his daddy’s

Ali: You own more than my soul

Johnny: I’ve given you more than he’s done, he’s only guided my hand some since I told him of you

Ali: You’ve given me everything, all your two hands can provide

Johnny: It’s my duty to

Ali: No one else keeps their little girl as well as you do

Ali: I’m so thankful

Johnny: I’d have you kept as a princess is

Ali: Your locking in feels good

Ali: I love waiting for you like that

Johnny: The key’s to be swallowed before getting handed over to anybody else

Ali: There’ll never be anyone else, not like you

Johnny: The key to our place too, we can’t give it over

Ali: It’s been christened ours a thousand times over, we can’t lose that

Johnny: They’re coming into my head, our memories one after the other

Ali: I want to live in it, until there are too many babies

Ali: then we’ll come back when we’re old and just us two again

Johnny: We have to

Ali: You said you’re happy there, like nowhere else, me too

Ali: you’re my person, that’s our place

Johnny: [talk about how many babies you think you could fit in there which is not a realistic amount because gypsies do be living like that especially traditionally when they had the tiny old school caravans, and we know that old school is his vibe, just basically telling her they never have to move]

Ali: Can we only do it in the day?

Ali: That’s my main concern here

Johnny: You’ll keep on doing what you’re told, you’ve no concerns to trouble yourself with

Ali: You know how loud you make me

Johnny: I can quiet you

Ali: So you promise you’ll still look after me, however crowded the room?

Johnny: [drop a bible quote that means yes, as if you’re starting her lessons rn, I’m not gonna go find one but we know the vibes]

Ali: I’d have you teach me every word yourself, fuck

Johnny: Maybe I will

Ali: Please, please, please

Johnny: I’d have you more than 783,137 times, there’s no enough

Ali: Your name on me that much there’d be nothing left but that still feels right

Johnny: I’d give you my name that much, marry you ‘til we’ve no churches left we’ve not spoke vows in

Ali: I do, I always will, yours ‘til forever is over

Johnny: It’ll never be, there’ll be generations of us

Johnny: they’ll all talk of the love they was born out of

Ali: You’ll see it, in the way they hold themselves, the confidence and the knowing who they are, who we were

Johnny: Nothing could feel righter than that

Ali: This is all meant for us, everything we give and get from each other

Johnny: You’re a convert true enough

Ali: You didn’t need to get me on my knees but I’ll greet you down there every day if that’s what you need

Johnny: I need it 

Ali: My poor mother going on like you hadn’t pinned my head to the front door was a welcomed reminder of how little she knows about who I am and what I need

Johnny: When am I to be of what my lot don’t?

Ali: When you rescue me and take me home

Ali: Your name has never been moaned louder, despite both our attempts

Johnny: I’m here outside your old home, your enemy neighbour’s grass is putting us up

Ali: [rushing to your window to see him, waving so !! it’s almost comical but you’re too in it to even laugh, deadly serious with our extraness right now]

Ali: You can piss on it, they let their dog shit all over the street

Johnny: [do another circle across this grass in whatever vehicle you have brought (definitely one that needs fixing and is therefore leaking oil and the like as well) because the vibe is that you’ve been driving over and over it to fuck it up as much as possible because you know she hates this gal, waving back as he does, obvs then parking up and getting out to piss when he reads that while grinning up at her window]

Ali: [jumping up on your window sill to watch him even closer, lowkey Mae Mobley in this window like how close can I get, hoping your heart eyes read from all the way down there, pressing your palms and your forehead to the glass for a moment like a kiss]

Ali: You’re dreamy, you ever heard that?

Johnny: [blow her a kiss which you have never done in your life before even in a pisstakey manner to anyone so that’s another first happening and we love to see it, mouthing ILY even though she probably can’t decode it from there]

Johnny: I dreamt about you last night

Ali: [when you can see her GASP it’s truly that dramatic because of course she did and of course, we’re not used to it or over it ever, mouthing it back with the biggest heart eyes smile]

Ali: What did you dream about me?

Johnny: [putting a hand to his chest, touching where they both know her name is despite whatever clothes he’s wearing]

Johnny: We was on the bike riding away same as before but you had a baby on you, against your chest to carry it, wrapped up tight how you’d on halloween

Ali: [lifting whatever top you have on up to expose your stomach and pressing it to the window like he has x-ray super-vision and can see if you’re pregnant from there too, touching his name on you right back]

Ali: That costume would make a really good sling, if you ignore it being covered in your fake blood, which I can’t 

Ali: can we go for a ride, anywhere, even if we can’t stay away like before, I miss the bike

Johnny: [the way he’s trying to look so seriously as if he can see, god bless you lads]

Johnny: [also planning some different bike routes they can go on without it being a full roadtrip moment again that would have mcvickers fuming]

Ali: I’ll make a friend that can cover

Ali: 📖📏🧮✏️ dates, how can they refuse?

Johnny: You’ve got that brother I’ve seen you go about with & his mate who’d cover, no? 

Johnny: or was he one who joined in the witch hunt?

Ali: Tommy, nah, not on purpose

Ali: He’d cover for me but he already has been, I don’t know if I should keep asking

Johnny: You’d know best if your parents have sense for the timing of your new friend

Ali: You know I have lots of friends, you hate it

Johnny: This your plan so’s I hate it less, is it?

Ali: I’ve told you I’d do anything to be with you, that’s the only plan

Johnny: An answer I don’t hate

Ali: [still sat in this window watching him so intently]

Ali: I hate that you aren’t in here with me

Ali: but it’s better being able to see you

Johnny: [catch this boy getting on and sitting comfy on this car’s roof so that they’re closer and can see each other better, very romcom of you sir]

Ali: Shame a boombox isn’t very inconspicuous 

Johnny: [nevertheless, turn some music on via your phone to play through this car, 10000% the song(s) they danced to when they were dancing at his brother’s bday, soz not soz to Leesha’s fam, I hope you’re out rn or her dad and/or brothers will be coming out to try and fight him]

Ali: [you know we’re OBSESSED with how bold a move this is for all these reasons]

Ali: it hurts, my feet are trying to run to you

Johnny: Trying to dance to me

Ali: I like dancing with you more than I like dancing alone

Ali: and I loved that before

Johnny: [throw out a mem of her doing exactly that long before y’all were ever a thing, just because we can and we know he noticed her ages before anything happened like she also did him, giving that you remember how much she loved it and what a slay it was with these details you recall]

Ali: I thought you only looked at me because you thought I was mental

Johnny: You are but no

Ali: You need my kind of mental

Johnny: Meet all my needs you do

Ali: I intend to, for the rest of our lives

Johnny: I’ve said you’ll be decent at it

Ali: That’s why this punishment is dumb, what you want is what they should want for me

Ali: would they rather I’m going ‘round with unserious boys like Caleb or Moses or what

Johnny: They’d rather you grow yourself up and only go to school

Ali: They need to be realistic 

Johnny: It’s the culture clash, gorjas feel shame in their daughters being married and having kids when they reckon they still are, some of our lot are the same way now living ‘round yous

Ali: Nah, it’s her own shame and mistakes being made mine to fix

Ali: I get it but I’m not going to, I can’t and I don’t want to, she needs to get that

Johnny: Least the shame’s hers, my daddy would have me take on and fix Moses’ as if it’s my own

Ali: He knows the likelihood of it happening with the boy himself, I guess

Ali: Reward you get for being so reliable, like

Johnny: Oldest boy of more than just [however many brothers and sisters he has]

Ali: You’re really good at it, I almost can’t blame them for leaning on you but

Ali: only means you need looking after just as much in return, by someone

Johnny: By you

Ali: Has to be

Johnny: You’ve your uses, even behind glass

Ali: Charming as always, babe

Ali: What can I do for you right now though, make this less boring 

Johnny: Do a spell, like

Ali: Aside from the love one you’re still under, you mean

Johnny: Am I?

Ali: [scowling dramatically out this window for comedic effect]

Ali: Aren’t you?

Johnny: I thought I had some of my own say in it

Ali: I’d never use magic for evil, well, not now I’m grown up

Ali: but you love to say it’s all your idea so I’ll take this finally admitting it’s 50/50

Johnny: 70/30 to me, maybe, I’ll admit to

Ali: 😏

Ali: you should be flattered that I made the first move

Johnny: Come on now, I made it

Ali: How do you reckon that, boy?

Johnny: How do you different?

Ali: Because I remember telling you that I wanted you, needed

Ali: and you were having none of it

Johnny: You remember having the knowing I wanted you before either of us said words, where’d you get it from if not me?

Ali: Would you have said it though

Johnny: Maybe

Ali: Would it have still happened, what did

Johnny: How am I to answer what ifs?

Ali: I just think about them, can’t help it

Johnny: So do I, but I don’t know for the thinking

Ali: It scares me, the alternative to what we have, what could be instead

Johnny: What we have’s safe, no alternative’s to happen

Ali: You’re my safety, I’m yours

Johnny: I’d catch you, if you’re after going out the window to me

Ali: I’ll find my wings

Ali: but also see what my parents are up to without alerting them

Johnny: More good answers

Ali: If I can’t get out, I can get you in, easy

Ali: their room and the kid’s are downstairs, no need to bother me if I’m busy doing my homework in mine

Johnny: I’ll move the car, point’s been made with the state of her grass

Ali: You remembered she’s my enemy

Johnny: ‘Course, she told you you was weird looking, I’ve not forgotten it

Ali: Fuck it, I’m finding a way out

Ali: I need to kiss you there

Johnny: I wrote your name when I pissed there

Ali: 🥺 is it still there?

Johnny: [send a picture like can you see it or no]

Johnny: when you’re down show us what car’s her daddy’s & we’ll key whatever you think they need telling into the side

Ali: I can sorta but I wanna watch you do it close up next time

Ali: you being mine is all that’s in my head but I’ll work on clearing it, being smart

Johnny: Bring a drink out, I can do it while you clear your head

Ali: How’s that gonna clear my head 😳

Johnny: It’ll be full of how I think you look, how in the wrong she is for what she said

Ali: You don’t care what I look like, you like me in ways no one else does

Johnny: No, I do, but I love what you look like

Ali: Yeah but I mean

Ali: not just in the way other boys do

Johnny: Body and soul, not just the 1st one

Ali: [come hopping over your fence having successfully got out of your room and out the back garden undetected, running over to him partly from necessity of being sneaky and not being seen loitering by your house but also from the necessity of running to him, of course]

Johnny: [pick her up mid run and carry her bridal style across Leesha’s lawn until they’re wherever he pissed on it which is giving right in the middle tbh, because he simply must, no notes]

Ali: [no one deserves this vandalism/blatant jealousy you would feel if you are seeing this scene unfurl more, not soz and not soz again because we are SO deep in our feelings here on this day because he came not knowing if you would be able to get out or not, kissing his whole face and anywhere else you can on his upper body like you have been locked in your room for hundreds of years, pressing your cheek against his and he can feel you smiling so big ‘I missed you, I missed you’]

Johnny: [kissing her back as if it’s been a million years because any time apart feels like that to y’all, not only pressing his opposite cheek against hers so they’ve both be done, one each, but pressing his forehead against hers so hard as he’s listening to her speak and taking it in that they fall onto this grass right into the mud he’s churned up with his tires, no fucks given it has gotta be done, putting all his weight on her how he likes to do once they are down there, I hope the grass and therefore mud isn’t really wet or she’ll be covered in it already, haha by which I mean I do sure hope it rained earlier when y’all were talking, defs say ILY in gypsy lingo, I’ll leave it up to my boo to decide if she wants Alison to have been taught that by Carly or not]

Ali: [making happy noises like he also needs to listen to this/you must at how he’s nuzzling you and you are him back, could not be being more soft, inappropriately so for being on the street but you do not care and never will, my boo says wouldn’t it be a shame if y’all got covered in mud tehe and she’s so right for that, at least the way he’s squashing you hides you from sight kinda lol, not that concern is being given, if your mother wants to drag you away she’ll have to at this point; Carly’s lessons were giving more saucy ‘cos that’s what the energy was assumed to be but you could have also heard other people on the site saying it so I’m on the fence, I think the energy would give a lot of context tbh so we’ll assume that’s what you said even if we’re not sure, LOOKING up at him with huge eyes and kissing the tip of his nose which imma say has mud on it so you then have to wipe it off your lips with your fingertips]

Johnny: [Imagine if Tess dragged her in, we obvs won’t do it but IMAGINE, I’m cackling, how heartbreakingly accurate that Carly wouldn’t know the word for love, I’m FINE, must distract myself by focusing on his adorable lil nod like yeah that’s what it means, exactly what you think, before saying it again slower, practically against the lips she’s just wiped clean, like he’s teaching her how to say it and fully expecting her to say it back to him because he is, which sends me because the PROGRESS of this, he’s essentially letting her be one of them]

Ali: [be here taking this lesson so seriously and loving every second of it, trying really hard to get it spot on and put the appropriate emotion and FEELING into this phrase, adding a husband type endearment that you’ve remembered from before too with a smile like aren’t you proud of me]

Johnny: [this boy is so heart eyes about this because it’s so serious to him and we love that she’s taking it as seriously, hence absolutely must LAUNCH himself at her to kiss her the likes of which he hasn’t done since the early days with the amount of !! in the movement but despite the fact he’s lowkey crushing her the actual kiss is so soft and romantic and he’s smiling SO so big into it as well as doing a happy sigh at her as he barely pulls back]

Ali: [when your hands are pushing down into this muddy ground to steady y’all and leaving dramatic handprints like you’ve not seen since the fake blood and body paint of Halloween so you’re pressing up into this kiss with some !! energy as you try to keep it soft and wholesome, again, like it’s appropriate when it never is, unthinkingly stroking his cheek with your muddy hand then having to brush it away with the top of your head like oh no, giggling a little] 

Johnny: [I love a dramatic handprint, impeccable vibes thank you boo, hence 0 hesitation in this boy putting his hands over hers to push them down into the mud even harder like when they’ve done a dramatic handhold before, tutting into her mouth which he literally hasn’t done since the first hookup convo but there’s such an affectionate oh you to it this time, shaking his own head and letting his hair which is loose today and unponytailed, because why not, tickle her face to make her giggle more]

Ali: [looking down at your joined hands in the mud, pushing harder like you’re making a cast here and it’s going to be memorialised right here on Leesha’s front lawn, your eyes darting back to find his like that’s why he was tutting at you, making a excuse me !! sort of noise and kissing him a little bit harder to make up for it, finding a lock of his hair and twisting it around your finger]

Johnny: [telling her about where they can get some concrete from exactly the same way that he told her where they could get a touring caravan from before because we love to live in a fantasy and why wouldn’t we pretend that we actually are gonna immortalise these handprints on her neighbour’s lawn forever, maintaining the eye contact she initiated the entire time he talks about this]

Ali: [pushing your forehead into his so your eyes are practically touching with this EYE CONTACT at this point ‘you would’ for all the reasons, you love me that much and you also would fuck up this girl’s garden and worse for us if we wanted you to because you love me that much, being obvious that y’all are laying here being a nuisance and he’s fucked the whole place up with his car already]

Johnny: [lowkey having a fight with their eyelashes which hilariously is something I said in their first hookup convo, I believe it was, how random that we’re back here lol ‘I’ll’ meaning make no mistake and no joke whatsoever, he will and in this moment fully intends to because no fucks given except giving her what she wants, always but in this moment especially, have treated that like a full sentence but adding ‘fetch it when you get yourself inside’ because y’all don’t wanna think about that time coming but if you inevitably must then we’re giving her something to look forward to with it] 

Ali: [full circle moment baby, you love to see it, we are making a grumpy noise about the prospect of having to go inside, like y’all can lay here on the cold hard ground forever, shaking your head/lowkey headbutting him with the closeness there like no, no, SQUEEZING his hand harder]

Johnny: [after pressing both her hands further into the mud with so much !! we’ll all as per amazed they don’t break each other’s fingers, he’s gotta, as if to say I didn’t mean go in right now this second, pull her even closer to him (somehow) with her top which lifts it a lil bit as it scrunches in his hand so that reminds him of the fact he immediately needs to lift it more so her stomach is exposed and LOOK at it so intensely as if he’ll be able to see if she’s preggo or not now that she isn’t at her window]

Ali: [doing a little whimper because he can pull you closer to him but you can’t pull him closer to you with your hands in the mud, making a more !! noise when he remembers and thus so do you, watching him and waiting for his reaction as if he has any real authority on this matter and can tell if you’re with child for real just by looking, now being the most silent in contrast to 5 seconds ago]

Johnny: [soz that y’all can’t actually tell one way or another by LOOKING alone but that won’t stop him doing so for what would feel like forever as he’s the most serious and intense he’s EVER been, nor will it stop him putting the side of his face in close proximity to her stomach, not touching but almost, to see if he can hear anything like she said, imagine how sinister it would be if he could rn, love that y’all are still on her neighbour’s lawn having this super feelsy moment btw]

Ali: [my boo says time and place? And truly, no thought in where you are and the fact you’re very much on borrowed time whether someone from this house comes out or someone from hers spots this gal being missing lmao, soz we’ve never been more serious, stopping our breathing and would stop our own heartbeat if that were possible for you to hear something because really do think we are and want to be, soz guys]

Johnny: [There’s never any thought to where they are or other people and I love that for them and the consistency from us, catch this boy saying something in gypsy lingo that’s giving the tone how you would talk to a kid if you wanted them to get a move on on the school run/get out of your way, like he’s annoyed at this fictional child not announcing their presence immediately lol, whatever he’s saying has come on energy to it but there’s also affection]

Ali: [you always been those girls, hence it’s amazing you’ve made it this far not being caught lmao, playing with fire and not even being conscious of it whilst you are because you only care about each other, love to see it as does this gal with this energy he’s bringing because even if you don’t get the words it’s unmistakably daddy energy in the truest sense, going to stroke his hair and realising how caked your fingers are by this point so resorting to nuzzling him with your head so dramatically]

Johnny: [I was trying to find where in the re-read there’s a moment that he leaves a handprint on her stomach (in blood I think?) so I could re-read it and do a parallel here with him putting her hand on her stomach rn to leave a muddy handprint but I can’t find it, I’m gonna keep looking a sec because I may have gone insane, anyway I’m sure it happened and a parallel is here and now, being the point *note to future Jemily that my boo found it and it’s after bonfire night]

Ali: [it definitely did somewhere and thus this is not lost on us even slightly, putting a hand over his so seriously, making eye contact as you apply just slightly more pressure pushing into your stomach but not like HARD ‘it’s all real, isn’t it?’ the whisper you’re only hearing with this proximity because the way we don’t want to put our voice to the notion it might not be]

Johnny: [SUCH a serious nod back because this is all real even if she isn’t pregnant rn which jemily knows she isn’t, everything else is and as far as he’s concerned she will be soon if she isn’t already, tis just a matter of time, oh lads if only you knew how hardcore this is gonna blow up and what the future looks like but obvs in this moment you have no way to and are just in love, hence kissing her like you’re vowing it all at the altar because not the first time this boy has done that kind of smooch and I doubt it’ll be the last]

Ali: [here doing your wedding smooching once more like you’re not out in the street on the cold hard ground and we’re not going to put you through hell, so evil, like you are being a bit delulu thinking you can marry this boy but we could at least let you be with him but nay nay; here and now be trying to say the secret lingo ILY but getting it slightly wrong because you’re kissing him and not focusing enough to be spot on]

Johnny: [that’s on her being literally 12 which is wild and I forget all the time just how young she is because he’s older and the normal kind of age range we tend to do, I saw a vid of Dakota at different ages and at 11 which is not that much older than she is now she looked like a literal tiny baby still and at 14 she had braces, I die, Alison is just a child, ANYWAY, he’ll be here grinning into this kiss at her trying to say it but making a mistake and breaking the kiss just enough that he can say it correctly against her lips instead of just fully into her mouth incoherently, saying ‘you love me’ in the secret lingo with a hot lol before his ILY correction, just to throw more gypsy lingo out]

Ali: [I saw that video too, it’s wild because then she was like 15 in the runaways and looked basically how she does now but yes, let him correct you and do your own laugh even if you’re pouting at getting it wrong like oh no, saying it right this time and adding ‘-so much’ to the end in English]

Johnny: [the jump from tiny dot to teenager looking the same was insane and she was so good in that film but I digress, saying ‘so much’ or an equivalent of it in his own lingo because he do and so she can learn it because the more he can teach her the happier he’ll be]

Ali: [repeating it back even though you’re getting distracted kissing him again, still holding his hand where it is on your stomach]

Johnny: [this boy absolutely buzzing because she got that right first time without him having to repeat it or say it slower or anything and it’s just adding to how fated this feels to y’all and how good of a wife and mother etc he thinks she’ll be, so here kissing her back with all the intensity of those feelings as if they have all the time in the world to be making out]

Ali: [when you can feel how pleased he is about it and that makes you happy yourself, grinning into a kiss like an insane person you can’t even help it ‘you’ll come back for me?’ like don’t leave me here grounded and bored because it really is too little too late fam, lived a thousands lives since then and it feels ridiculous to us at this point]

Johnny: [‘I’ll come to live in the car right here before I leave you up there without me’ dramatic but truly how he feels in this moment, imagine, soz not soz Leesha’s parents]

Ali: [‘she’d love that’ not clear who she is but could be Leesha or her mother, we know lmao, scowling at the thought of them objectifying your mans, holding him closer like no ‘you can live in the attic’ not an actual feasible plan but we would like to pretend it is in this moment thank you]

Johnny: [so here for her scowl and everything it means that he can’t help smiling about it but in contrast to that he’s v seriously likewise pulling her closer to him because we’re deadly serious about everything relating to this gal ‘I don’t know about living in no house’ but he’s saying it with the tone that he 1000% would and is willing to learn in this moment, looking up towards the attic and then back at her so !! like okay then to this plan]

Ali: [‘wasn’t it cosy though?’ because you spent a whole night up there at this point and it would be giving caravan as much as it could because a small space that is just full of things she thinks are a vibe, cuddling your head onto his chest like you probably did then like remember, you thinking about the logistics of hiding this boy sending me like you probably could which is troubling but he would need to go to work and such and also use the bathroom and you can’t make him skulk around that hard even though the urge is real ‘can’t I just-’ struggling to verbalise because you know the answer is no so shrugging a shoulder ‘- I wish I could’]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Camber

Amber: I just wanted to say thank you again for earlier

Amber: and sorry if I was noticeably wildly taken aback you exist

Cosmo: It was my ma, don’t need to thank me

Cosmo: Why would you be expecting my existence? 

Amber: Without your ma’s help, and yours, I’d still be walking around hospital corridors

Amber: I’ve already thanked her, we’ve swapped heaps of messages

Amber: I wasn’t expecting Dash to have a brother I didn’t know about is what I guess I’m trying to say

Cosmo: We’ve plenty experience

Cosmo: Of course you have

Cosmo: It’s like you don’t know Dash either, isn’t it

Amber: Yeah, your of course is bang on, your mum’s lovely

Amber: He outright lies and deliberately misleads, I have experience of that, sure, but this seems a new level, or low, doesn’t it? It’s really unnecessary

Cosmo: She’s familiar with you lot, like she said

Cosmo: I knew that, he’s a fake

Amber: She’s been telling me what [the commune] was like when she lived there, it all sounds unsurprisingly familiar

Amber: Oh he’s heaps of things alright

Cosmo: Shock horror a 60s throwback isn’t heralding in a brave new world

Cosmo: Well, my apologies you had to find out like this, absent jailer can only be so efficient in keeping her bedbound

Amber: The shock was reserved for you, and horror is a touch dramatic, we weren’t close enough for my world to be rocked

Amber: You definitely don’t need apologise either, by the way

Cosmo: Sure, he’s a throwback but I did mean the whole ‘commune’ idea

Cosmo: Even our nan wasn’t born in the 60s, an actual joke

Amber: Okay, but how many original ideas are there anyway?

Cosmo: Talking like the time and country you’re from isn’t original either but it’s logical

Amber: He can’t escape talking like the country he’s from, however much he’d kill for an American accent

Cosmo: Are you South African?

Amber: No, but I get that heaps

Amber: even from people who don’t know I’ve been to [and wherever in south africa you have, giving the poorest parts obvs because your parents are crusaders]

Cosmo: How the fuck did you end up in [wherever the commune is located, like exactly]?

Amber: Long story short, my parents’ jobs

Amber: how and why the majority our age move around

Cosmo: Not enough starving kids in Africa? Who knew

Amber: Poverty affects every country, including this one

Amber: I think that’s fairly well known

Cosmo: And it’s definitely tackled by making the doss house seem wholesome with some veggies and some chickens, not getting a job and engaging with the real world

Amber: I told you they have jobs a few sentences ago

Cosmo: Yeah, the saviours charging in always do

Cosmo: anyone who’s been there longer than a year don’t

Amber: Congrats on tackling your prejudices, it’s going really well

Cosmo: Boo hoo, I don’t feel bad for anyone there

Amber: I doubt anyone is asking you to, like you said, we don’t engage with the real world

Cosmo: You just did, a few sentences ago

Amber: I did not

Cosmo: Yeah, you did

Cosmo: Prejudice is a dog whistle for sympathy

Amber: You should work with slogans, that’s an awesome off the top of your head attempt

Cosmo: Thanks, I’ll leave the politics to the private schoolboys and do-gooders though

Amber: I mean, you’d know better than I would what real world jobs call for it, but advertising would be a good fit too

Cosmo: I know what I’m going to do, I already do it

Amber: How old are you?

Cosmo: 17

Amber: And how long have you had your future career mapped out?

Cosmo: Long as I can remember

Amber: Wow

Amber: What is it?

Cosmo: I play football, I’m at [whatever academy] on the junior side

Amber: Irish football, soccer or American?

Cosmo: Not calling it soccer but that one

Amber: So you’re like Keira Knightley in that film, got it

Cosmo: ?

Amber: The one with the Beckham cameo, but I don’t know, it could’ve been a lookalike

Cosmo: Your references are cooked

Amber: I don’t watch heaps of tv, it’s one of the few dvds without scratches, for some reason

Cosmo: Surprised you have one

Amber: Me too, tends to be the first thing to get sold, maybe the tv’s days are numbered but for now, we still have one

Amber: and a dvd player

Cosmo: And you’re surrounded by cosplaying kids and enabling users

Cosmo: should charge them, Dash would soon stop bothering himself and you

Amber: Unfortunately, I don’t think bouncer is the career path I’m going to be on

Cosmo: I wouldn’t bet on it, proving a point isn’t worth getting murdered

Amber: Talking about my potential murder wasn’t something I’d bet on doing with a stranger today

Cosmo: Why are you here?

Amber: Would you like me to go? Ideally not because I’ve been murdered but

Cosmo: I mean, you didn’t need to search me up to say thanks

Cosmo: but you’ve done that now, so

Amber: I wanted to

Amber: you’re right though, I’ve done that now

Amber: I’ll see you when I’m over for a cuppa, if you’re around then

Cosmo: If you’re humouring her because you feel sorry for her, you don’t need to, she has plenty of friends

Amber: You’d have to ask Daisy why she invited me, hopefully she doesn’t feel too sorry for me

Amber: I’m coming because she’s nice

Cosmo: I don’t need to ask her motivations

Amber: Okay

Cosmo: If you think this is going to endear you to him, it won’t

Amber: I beg your pardon?

Cosmo: Whatever time you came for tea, he’d not be there, he doesn’t give enough of a fuck about her to give a fuck about you being a good samaritan 

Amber: I’m well versed where he spends 99.9 of his time, it’s where I live or in classes with me, if I wanted an in, I’ve had heaps

Cosmo: I’m glad you’re not that dumb then

Amber: Thanks, I have my moments and some brain cells knocking about 

Cosmo: More than can be said of most he hangs with

Amber: We haven’t hung out for a while, I’ve lost my shine for him by now

Cosmo: Doubt that

Amber: There’s newer, more age appropriate girls for him to focus his attentions on at any given minute

Cosmo: He’s never really concerned himself with what’s appropriate but sure

Amber: He’s in great company

Cosmo: I know

Amber: And I’ve made it crystal clear I’ve got no romantic or sexual interest

Cosmo: I wasn’t doubting your lack of interest, just his

Amber: He’s persistent but I’m as stubborn

Cosmo: He’s a brat

Amber: Hard same when I need to be

Cosmo: Must be nice

Amber: I wish I didn’t have to use it as a fallback, but hey, if boys will be boys, girls will rely on whatever methods they can

Cosmo: It’s not a safe place, if your parents are any kind, you’ll be out of there before something worse happens than some pathetic teenage fuckboy

Amber: My parents are the kind to honour their commitments 

Cosmo: What about their commitment to being parents then

Amber: What about it? I’m taken care of in all the ways I’m supposed to be

Cosmo: Doesn’t sound like you feel very safe

Amber: Well, I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression somehow and somewhere

Amber: I’m the amount of cautious any woman is because I’m that amount of default unsafe, no more

Cosmo: Relax, I’m not going to do anything about it

Amber: Except voice your opinion, which I respect, I don’t know when to shut up either, famously

Cosmo: You famously messaged me, which is weird, by the way

Amber: Still being here might be, but why is reaching out in the first place weird?

Cosmo: You ain’t meant to talk to strangers, you never heard?

Amber: We talked at the hospital, I did anyway, you mainly stared at me or at the floor

Cosmo: I didn’t stare at you

Amber: Daggers, the stabbing feeling’s only just gone away

Cosmo: Not the first or last of his friends we’ve run into

Amber: You’re calling me his friend, I don’t know if he or I would

Cosmo: It makes no odds to me whether he’s got in your pants or not, that’s his definition

Cosmo: you’re still the same

Amber: Good to know by his definition we never will be, less fantastic to be tarred with whatever brush you’ve got out

Cosmo: You could be one of the ones that needs help, I don’t know

Amber: Saying I’m not makes it sound as if I am, I can’t win with that kind of protest

Cosmo: If you ain’t then you deserve that place and his company

Amber: Throw me to the wolves then, damn

Cosmo: Who am I, your personal saviour 

Cosmo: you just said you were good

Amber: Everything about you is so confrontational, I’ve been trying to give you the benefit of your stares being where this stops getting aggressive

Cosmo: I’m not aggressive

Amber: What are you?

Cosmo: I just don’t use that faux therapy talk you’re used to

Amber: You’re white knuckling onto your snap judgment, I’m used to that being a thing too, sorry I bothered you

Cosmo: There’s no point not, is there

Amber: You tell me, you seem to have all the answers and I 1000% don’t

Cosmo: Aren’t you meant to extol the benefits of giving people a chance? That’s not me, judgmental and aggressive 

Amber: You’d refuse to feel the benefit to spite me, boy

Cosmo: I’ve been there, done that, got the burns to prove it

Cosmo: you’re too shiny and new and too late, girl

Amber: He speaks like he’s from the 60s and you act like you’re in yours

Amber: it’s never too late, unless you’re ashes pressed into the [however tall he is] shape of a guy

Cosmo: Who asked you to come and judge my life?

Cosmo: You don’t even know him by admission, you haven’t got the first clue about me

Amber: You don’t about me but when has it stopped you?

Cosmo: I know that place, better than you ever could

Cosmo: if I was judgmental or aggressive about anything, that’s what it was, not you

Amber: The last thing I want is to know that place like the back of my hand, I’m not your brother or whichever of his ‘friends’ you’ve met

Cosmo: He don’t know shit he thinks he does

Amber: I’ve lived there [however long]

Amber: a week was long as to get the feel of it, whatever else I am, I’m not gullible, believe that or don’t

Cosmo: I’m as glad for you as I can be for any stranger

Amber: And I’ll be as glad to cross paths with you on [whatever day she’s going for tea and biscuits]

Cosmo: Don’t worry, I’ll stay out of your way

Amber: Your whereabouts don’t worry me, it’s your house and if you feel like scowling at me from any corner of it, I can’t stop you

Cosmo: I’ve got a life, thanks

Amber: Right, soccer

Cosmo: Oh and what the hell do you do that’s so important?

Amber: Excluding when mama needs urgent supplies, nothing I do is important

Cosmo: What does your ma even do?

Amber: Women’s health stuff, a giant umbrella, but we can sum it up by saying she cares more about period poverty than starving kids in Africa

Cosmo: Right, well needing to find your mammy is the best reason you’d need pointing to OBGYN

Amber: I’m not asking your worst case scenario for me, I dread to think

Cosmo: You’d only accuse me of calling you stupid if I asked you what you reckon most people go there for, so, yeah

Amber: I’m 17 not 7, I’ve ideas why most people do most things

Cosmo: You said you were in his classes

Amber: Yeah, I’m not beating the stupid accusations any time soon after all, am I?

Cosmo: I didn’t know that happened, seems very American

Amber: They’re probably making an exception because I’ve been unschooled up to now, or because I massively embarrassed myself with the test they gave to find out where I’m at

Cosmo: I’m sorry

Amber: Why? I fought to be in school and I am

Cosmo: I’m sorry that you weren’t until now

Amber: My dad’s a teacher, I didn’t need to be, I wanted to

Amber: I warned you about me being a brat

Cosmo: Not good enough of one if you’re that behind though

Amber: It’s my own fault, unschooling is child centred, I decided what I wanted to learn at what pace

Cosmo: Almost like a child isn’t qualified to make life decisions like that they have no capability of understanding

Amber: Who knew?

Amber: Me, I cared more about swimming

Cosmo: There’s a reason we still have to do our lessons at the academy 

Cosmo: ‘course you didn’t want to, no kid does

Amber: Do you learn Irish? They won’t let me join those classes

Cosmo: Sadly

Amber: You hate it?

Cosmo: Maybe the Irish footie lads can use it, doesn’t have no purpose for me

Cosmo: I’m sure someone’d teach you but that won’t help you do any better on the tests

Amber: I’ve picked up a handful of words, far as I ever seem to get in all the languages of all the places I’ve lived

Amber: I could order you a drink in heaps of countries if you keep it simple and want a beer

Cosmo: It’s a dead horse language, honestly

Cosmo: Everyone speaks English, any time we’re away in Europe, never an issue

Amber: Are you away much?

Cosmo: Not as much as the proper team but [however much junior clubs do go away, idk but it would happen, I’m sure]

Amber: I wonder if we’ve ever been in the same place at the same time

Cosmo: Where have you been?

Amber: Where have you? It’d be easier to list where I haven’t yet, you’d get bored

Cosmo: Alright, show-off

Amber: No, but give it up, where have you?

Cosmo: God, let me think

Cosmo: [list them, I shan’t lmao]

Amber: [discuss dates and if there’s been any crossover on the places she has also been because what are the odds but that would be cinematic peak romance if there has and y’all didn’t even realise]

Cosmo: [me like sadly for you boo bear/this girl, I doubt he remembers the dates he was places, he doesn’t have the energy for that]

Cosmo: Where was your favourite place?

Amber: Ever or out of the places you’ve been to?

Cosmo: Out of the places you’ve been to, I’m sure I’ll have heard of it, still

Amber: You’ll have heard of it because it’s where I’m from, when you nail that guess, anyway

Amber: I liked my life best when we stayed put for longer than our record of [however long which is clearly giving no longer than a year to 18 months max because your parents are cray] in [wherever you stayed the longest that wasn’t new zealand, I don’t need to specify it isn’t that important]

Amber: Where was yours?

Cosmo: It’s the other one, shoulda figured you were too light-skinned to be any kind of African but I don’t know anything about New Zealand beyond hobbits and rugby

Cosmo: everywhere was the same, I was just there to play

Amber: Do you want to know anything about New Zealand beyond hobbits and rugby?

Cosmo: You can tell me

Amber: [jokingly tell him things about stuff he’d wanna know based on how he’s been this convo so about politics and how safe it is or isn’t and how everyone speaks english and maori is kinda like irish cos they really killed it off only to resurge it in like 1987 and anything you can about football lol, cos gotta playfully sass him as the tea realistically is you don’t really remember as much about the place as you wish you did cos you’ve been everywhere since and were clearly young when all this hardcore travelling started so, not trying to get into that and be sad/prove him right that your parents suck rn]

Cosmo: Well, you can always be a travel agent when you finish school

Amber: Encouraging travel isn’t very eco warrior of me

Cosmo: Hippie = hypocrite, don’t you know?

Amber: I’m gutted you’ll never meet my mama, seriously

Cosmo: I’m glad she’s not a doctor or I already would have

Amber: Long as yours doesn’t get pregnant again or an STI, you’re safe

Cosmo: Shut up

Amber: I’m likewise doing my damndest not to, I’ll ask her to make a pact with me

Cosmo: Because that’s funny

Amber: I wouldn’t joke about a baby or a sexually transmitted disease, both sound like hellish experiences 

Cosmo: You just did though

Amber: I did not

Cosmo: Are you an only child as well as homeschooled? 

Amber: At the moment

Cosmo: It’s too late for you not to have both those energies

Amber: Ouch

Amber: I thought the daggers hurt

Cosmo: Sorry, that was kind of harsh but

Cosmo: you’re very strange

Amber: I do try not to be, but I guess it genuinely is too late

Cosmo: You’ve not been around normal people to learn it, not for long enough

Cosmo: it’s your parents’ fault, not yours

Amber: I’ve made a couple of friends at school

Amber: hopefully not entirely out of pity

Cosmo: Sure they’re not

Amber: How many friends is a football team? 

Cosmo: [the numbers ‘cos it’s always so many playing and so many reserves and I’m not getting into the weeds of that]

Amber: Mr popular

Cosmo: Hardly

Amber: I don’t believe you, you’re super friendly and open

Cosmo: Ha ha, Miss stalker

Amber: Your mammy gave you an easily stalkable name, which she dropped when you refused to introduce yourself

Cosmo: Which makes it okay

Amber: I’m not outside in your bushes

Cosmo: Really sounds like you are

Amber: You’d be kicking a ball somewhere and I wouldn’t have eyes on you if I was, what’s the point? 

Cosmo: I don’t know what your interest is, you find me intolerable and intolerant

Amber: I was attempting to smooth things over and make them less weird, okay? Which I know has backfired, before you say it

Cosmo: You’re self-aware, give you that

Cosmo: There is nothing to smooth over though, honestly

Amber: Maybe I just wanted to talk to you then

Amber: to see if you would this time

Cosmo: You took it personally

Amber: It was personal, so yeah

Cosmo: It really wasn’t

Amber: You really looked at me like you wished the floor would open up and swallow me, to mean you wouldn’t have to look at me again

Cosmo: It could have been anyone from that place, that’s what I have the problem with

Cosmo: I don’t know you

Amber: You don’t want to know me because I’m from there

Cosmo: Like I said, anyone that wants to get out, that’s different

Amber: It isn’t that simple

Cosmo: It isn’t easy, is what you mean

Cosmo: it’s perfectly simple

Amber: Finding good doesn’t mean you condone the bad, people have heaps of their own personal reasons to stay which doesn’t equate them to Dash or your dad

Cosmo: Places full of vulnerable people attract abusers, that’s never going to change

Cosmo: and that’s why a group of well-intentioned but stupid fucking people can’t just be left in charge of people who need actual help and protection

Amber: Not every vulnerable person is willing to accept the kind of help and protection you’re talking about, what’s your solution, stripping them of any autonomy to make their own choices because you think yours are better?

Cosmo: It’s just like alternative medicine, your ‘help’ actively encourages those people to not suck it up and seek real

Cosmo: and none of it fucking works, do you know how many junkies have died there? Fucked up teens offed themselves?

Amber: I don’t need to know, I’ve lived in enough similar places and seen it play out, you aren’t telling me anything I haven’t lived through already

Cosmo: What, do you think that makes you sound impressive?

Cosmo: You’re living in a fantasy cooked up by men who wanted to abuse drugged up runaways, there’s nothing good about it, never was, never will be

Amber: I know how it makes me sound

Amber: but the reality is, I’m living there

Amber: even if I hate it, I love my parents and they love me, whatever misguided ideas they have and however much I disagree with heaps of what they say and do

Cosmo: Anyone who loved you properly wouldn’t put you in that kind of danger

Cosmo: to stroke their own ego

Amber: You have no right to claim they don’t love me

Cosmo: I’m sure they think they do but they aren’t acting in love, they aren’t thinking about you even, never mind doing right by you

Amber: How dare you, they’re flawed yeah, they’re human

Cosmo: I could lie but you’re still stuck there with the truth

Amber: They believe they’re doing right by me, that’s the truth to them

Cosmo: Use that’s done you

Cosmo: use it’s done my brother, she’s turned him into Caleb, the man who turned her into a cripple, good one

Amber: What use is there in projecting your feelings about your family onto mine?

Cosmo: The state of you is real, sorry to break that one too

Amber: The state of me

Cosmo: Yeah

Amber: You don’t even know me

Cosmo: You’re covered in tattoos, you can’t pass [whatever year she’s in], you’re a social nightmare and you’re destined to bum around the same shitholes you spent your childhood in because they’ve opened you up to nothing but their bullshit agenda

Amber: At least I’m not this cruel

Cosmo: Then you’ll be on the receiving end of it your whole life

Cosmo: that’s how the world works

Amber: Your world, and for once I’m glad I’m not part of it

Cosmo: Good for you

Amber: No, good for you knowing everything and how wrong everyone but you is

Cosmo: Owning my choice doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it

Cosmo: difference between me and anyone at that place is I know I’ve doomed myself

Amber: The difference is, your mother made a choice that took you away from that place before you had to make it for yourself

Amber: You expect me to turn my back on mine, on everything, and do what exactly?

Cosmo: You haven’t got a fucking clue

Cosmo: Her hand was forced, she didn’t mention the existence of that place, knew they’d shut it all down

Cosmo: she’d be back there if she could fucking walk, why do you think she wants to be your mate?

Amber: You can’t go around forcing everyone else’s hands in retaliation, I don’t have a choice right now

Cosmo: You have a choice, if you seriously plan to come see her, Dash is to never find out, or you stay the fuck away

Cosmo: This isn’t Daisy’s house, it’s Nan's and he knows he isn’t allowed anyone from that place to step inside, none of his friends

Amber: Dash isn’t going to find out anything from me

Amber: but just so you know, I’ve been inside before, he isn’t playing by your rules

Cosmo: Well done on earning him a beating

Cosmo: I hope that felt great

Amber: No, it doesn’t

Cosmo: Another lesson you can choose to ignore then

Cosmo: thanks for the tip, like

Amber: Should I stay away?

Cosmo: What difference does it make

Cosmo: She can’t go back, she’s a depressive bitch about it anyway

Amber: I don’t know, I met her today

Cosmo: She’ll be nice to you

Amber: It isn’t about me

Amber: I don’t want to make things worse, for her or for you

Amber: Will I?

Cosmo: It can’t get any worse

Cosmo: You wanna do me a favour?

Cosmo: Do fuck my brother, move yourselves in and you can look after her and nan

Cosmo: before I lose my chance, for good

Amber: I could help you look after her without involving Dash

Cosmo: You met her today

Amber: Which isn’t relevant, what is, I can’t have sex with your brother

Amber: and you want help

Cosmo: It’s quite relevant when it comes to throwing away your future to feed and clean someone

Cosmo: I’d never let anyone else do it, except him because he’s a fuck up who’ll fail everything anyway but hey

Amber: According to you, I don’t have a future to throw away

Cosmo: You still have to try, there are lucky ones, ones that get out

Amber: I would be out, your house is a million miles from anywhere I’ve ever slept, it’s so nice I almost cried when I walked into it

Cosmo: It’s not much, you should see how some of my teammates live, not even thinking they’re well-off

Cosmo: but it’s hers, she worked her whole life and bought it off the council when she could, I’m not having my ma or him turn it into a spill-over for fuck ups they take a shine to, no chance

Amber: It’s amazing

Cosmo: She’s left it to me, in her will, she told me, and she did it before her mind went so it’s not a mistake

Cosmo: but she’s leaving my ma with it, there’s no more away games if I can’t trust nan to look after the pair of them, it’s over

Amber: You don’t know me and you’re going to think this is insanity, but if you let me help you, it doesn’t need to be over

Cosmo: Why would you want to do that?

Cosmo: I’m not oblivious, I know how nasty I was to you, it was on purpose

Amber: Because you have a future and I seriously don’t unless I have somewhere quiet I can study

Cosmo: I don’t know if I could pay you, the money is stretched to capacity

Amber: I’ve never been paid for anything, it’s a miracle I even vaguely understand money, you don’t have to

Cosmo: Your school is a lot closer to here than mine

Cosmo: we could start by you coming and doing lunch instead of me, if you’re serious

Amber: Show me how you do things and I’ll follow your lead

Cosmo: I will

Cosmo: You can do whatever you need to do whilst you’re here, it’s not payment but it’s as close as I can do, food, shower, the quiet you want

Amber: All of those things are worth more than money to me

Cosmo: Then this could work

Cosmo: or I’ve cracked, finally

Amber: One maybe snag

Amber: I’m not as strong as you, do they need help like that?

Cosmo: Ma has the things, the equipment, I’ll show you how to use it all so you don’t hurt yourself

Cosmo: Nan is just getting forgetful, right now, she can physically do everything well enough

Amber: Is she going to let me in? I can only cover so many tattoos and try to be normal

Cosmo: I’ll have to think up a backstory to introduce you, she trusts me, I’m not like them pair, you’ll be my friend instead

Amber: Okay

Cosmo: Failing that, you can buy like the… tabard? things that carers wear online, we’ll get that and she’ll think you’re someone I’ve hired legit

Amber: What happens when you’re at school? I need to still go

Cosmo: Of course

Cosmo: I’ve put sticky notes everywhere for nan, telling her how to do everything, she doesn’t have keys to get out

Cosmo: I give them breakfast, I come back at lunch and then home after school

Amber: Easy switch

Cosmo: I know it’s not perfect

Cosmo: but when nan started going too, that’s when I made the choice, I stayed or we went into care and they both went into homes, I guess, I don’t even know… I didn’t pick that option

Amber: How long has it been?

Cosmo: He was only 12

Cosmo: I know I said he’s hopeless and he is but I didn’t want him to really REALLY be, you know

Amber: God, you were really young too

Amber: and now I don’t have a leg to stand on calling you cruel, because you’re proven not

Cosmo: I can be, I was to you

Cosmo: I don’t usually talk to strangers like that, my social circle is limited to medical professionals who are famously bad at bedside manner at this point

Amber: Please do me a favour and don’t talk to any girls like that, you’ll be doing yourself one at the same time

Cosmo: I don’t talk to girls

Cosmo: as you’ve gathered, he doesn’t sneak people in when I’m around 

Amber: You’ll finally have a bit of free time to, if you want

Cosmo: I’m not going to waste it

Amber: I’m far from your coach or anything, but isn’t downtime as important?

Cosmo: I already can’t do the after-school and weekend practices, I’m barely scraping by in terms of effort as far as football is concerned

Cosmo: but if I can just make it pro, then I could pay to have them cared for fully and dedicate myself

Amber: Fine, no distracting girls

Amber: or boys, I’ve totally assumed, and only realised this second, sorry

Cosmo: Correct assumption allowed

Cosmo: go so far as to say appreciated but that’s probably homophobic

Amber: I’ll allow it, I put my foot in it constantly and I’m supposed to be completely woke, whereas you’re a grumpy old man

Cosmo: I’ll take it

Amber: What do I do if Dash comes home?

Cosmo: I’ll tell him about this, I mean, if he even notices 

Cosmo: I’m sure you’ve had experience helping people out, the places you’ve been, makes you useful, doesn’t make it a free for all

Amber: Comes with the territory, my do-gooder parents practically insist, babies, kids and old people

Amber: and it’ll be a relief not being roped in to prepare meals for [however many people are living at the commune rn, god knows] for a change

Cosmo: Are they going to notice?

Amber: When they do I’ll give them the bare bones, no incriminating details, I’m studying, helping out a friend etc

Cosmo: That settles it

Amber: When shall I start? 

Cosmo: Come and let me show you what I need to soon as you can, then, again, soon as you can

Amber: Show me now, that way I can start tomorrow

Amber: no time to waste, boy

Cosmo: You’re not an actual stalker, are you?

Amber: Too late to worry about that at this point, I reckon

Cosmo: If you kill them, you’re pretty distinctive, you’ll be getting dobbed in immediately 

Amber: My hit list wouldn’t start with your mum and nan, if I had targets for murder, which I don’t

Cosmo: A loaded if

Cosmo: everyone does, it’s okay

Amber: I don’t have boundaries but I still know not to share my secrets with you, they’d be weaponized the next time you feel cruel

Cosmo: It’s not a requirement of the arrangement 

Amber: Are there any real ones left to tell me?

Cosmo: Let me think

Cosmo: Don’t bring anyone ‘round here yourself

Amber: Done, my school friends already think I’m strange without this

Cosmo: Welcome to my world

Amber: There’s only one person I’d even consider from [the commune] and she wouldn’t be very eager to go anywhere near Dash’s house

Cosmo: Seems like a close encounter with him has that effect

Amber: He sucks, we all know he does

Cosmo: Oh, mammy thinks he’s incredible so keep that in mind with her

Amber: I’ve earned experience biting my tongue thanks to my own mama’s opinions about heaps of things

Cosmo: You’ll find enough to talk about with her

Amber: Talking is something I’m good at

Cosmo: I believe it

Cosmo: I had to be really cruel and you’ve still not gone away

Amber: It’s adorable you reckon I haven’t heard worse, what a sunny, rose tinted world you must live in

Cosmo: Ha ha

Cosmo: you’re just faking upset then

Amber: I didn’t say I don’t get upset, it hurts every time

Amber: I’m saying pick a slur that vaguely applies, or looks like it might, and I’ve had it directed towards me

Cosmo: Nan hasn’t hard R’d either of us yet but she’s not Caleb’s biggest fan so she might have it in her

Amber: I’m totally with her on that one, we’ll have that much in common going in

Cosmo: Who is, even Dash has to see how little shits the man gives

Amber: My light skinned privilege will protect me, as usual, it’s okay

Cosmo: New Zealand without the natives must be about as diverse as here, you get it

Amber: Yeah, we’re about the same colour, give or take

Cosmo: You’ve got less freckles

Amber: Sadly, yours are incredible

Cosmo: Ginger genes were weirdly strong

Amber: And you lucked out with a more pleasing accent

Cosmo: It’s funny, that could be endearing to some people

Amber: Everyone at school laughs

Cosmo: You’re there to get the piece of paper at the end, right

Amber: I’m trying

Cosmo: So fuck ‘em

Amber: You and your catchy slogans

Cosmo: Inspirational

Amber: I’m inspired to keep walking in the direction of your house instead of away, true

Cosmo: This thing has worked out mutually beneficial, it doesn’t need to go further, if this is all we have in common then I can leave it at that

Cosmo: I’m not going to insult you

Amber: Please don’t, my retaliation would get me fired for sure

Cosmo: Keep it professional

Amber: I’m terrible at boundaries but attempts will be made

Cosmo: That’s been established, I’m not

Amber: He’s a professional

Amber: I said I’d watch and learn

Cosmo: We’ll start with the easy stuff

Cosmo: You don’t fuck that up, maybe we can work something more permanent out

Amber: You’ll employee of the month me before you know it

Cosmo: ⭐️s for you

Amber: Lifted from daddy’s stash

Amber: but also, I want a cake like it’s my birthday, take a mental note

Cosmo: You ever had cake that doesn’t contain a vegetable for no good reason?

Amber: No, my birthday cakes suck, which is why I want one

Cosmo: We’ll see if you earn it

Amber: I’m going to, you can’t dad talk your way out of it

Cosmo: This is the brat behaviour you mentioned, I see

Amber: Uh huh

Cosmo: Nan can make sick cakes

Cosmo: get her to like you and you could have cake every day

Amber: Oh, that settles it, she’ll love me

Cosmo: Take years to fatten you up, diabetes might be quicker though

Amber: Stop planning my death

Cosmo: You know full well I have two victims at home

Cosmo: no need to rage-bait random girls off the street

Amber: I don’t know what your preferred victim is, maybe it’s random girls off the street matching my description

Cosmo: No one but you matches your description

Amber: Oh my god, you’re probably being mean but I’m taking it as a compliment

Cosmo: Have at it

Amber: Remind me of your street again, I was high as the last time I was there

Cosmo: ‘Course you were

Cosmo: [give your address] you in the right stratosphere or?

Amber: How many streets is a stratosphere, do you think?

Cosmo: I can’t pretend I really know what it is exactly

Cosmo: wasn’t planning on being book-smart to escape

Amber: I was going in roughly the direction needed

Cosmo: Explains why you cried too, you’re going to be disappointed in the sober light

Amber: We’ve got different definitions of disappointment, mine’s outside toilets and no running water

Cosmo: It should be illegal to subject a kid to that without need but anyway

Cosmo: better steer clear of that topic

Amber: It feels illegal being a girl under those conditions

Cosmo: If we had a spare room

Cosmo: I know that’s not what you asked but, yeah, I’m glad you get to appreciate the miracles of plumbing to their full

Amber: If you have a bathtub I will sober cry, in front of you, sorry not sorry

Cosmo: Oh, God

Amber: I remember showering but not the logistics of where, purely the joy

Cosmo: He’s such a 

Cosmo: fuck’s sake

Amber: He wants to have sex with me, nakedness is at least semi required

Cosmo: I don’t talk to girls not because I don’t understand them

Amber: You don’t understand me

Cosmo: You’re not like other girls, yeah

Amber: Yeah I am

Cosmo: We don’t need to understand each other

Amber: Professionalism needs a level of understanding, doesn’t it?

Cosmo: Of course but that doesn’t need to include anything like that

Amber: Like what?

Cosmo: Don’t be annoying

Amber: You’re being more annoying evading the question

Cosmo: You don’t wanna play dumb

Amber: What if I am, with no games being played? I feel stupid all the time

Cosmo: I’m saying we don’t need to talk about my brother or your sex life

Amber: I don’t have a sex life with your brother

Amber: in fact there’s nothing to talk about because I don’t have a sex life, period, as of now

Cosmo: I wasn’t asking, I promise you

Cosmo: just explaining

Amber: Are you a virgin? Is that why this is an awkward topic for you? Because there’s nothing to be ashamed of, if you are

Cosmo: It’s awkward because I don’t want to know

Amber: Too much information, alright

Cosmo: I’m not like him, I don’t find it entertaining or amusing to ask personal questions

Amber: I’m not comparing, it’s a me thing, I find it difficult to differentiate what are and aren’t personal questions

Cosmo: Most people like to keep their sex lives private

Amber: That isn’t true of most people I know

Cosmo: Most people you know are actively trying to have group sex

Amber: Yeah, okay

Cosmo: Bragging or gossiping with friends is different too

Cosmo: but you said you have some friends and I’m on a football team so the bases are covered

Amber: I won’t ask your ma or nan about theirs, explanation taken on board

Cosmo: Thanks, like

Amber: I want them to like me, for this to not crash and burn spectacularly as per my track record of being a disaster, so

Cosmo: Ideally for me too

Cosmo: I won’t take the piss out of you if you want something explained

Cosmo: it just seems like you’re taking the piss out of me sometimes

Amber: Sometimes I am

Cosmo: Very handy in working out when you’re laughing or about to burst into tears again

Amber: You can tell you’ve never had a sister, or serious girlfriend

Amber: younger feminine energy is lacking for you

Cosmo: Lacking would imply I’d missed it, which I don’t think so now

Amber: Every girl isn’t as emotionally unregulated as me, don’t worry

Cosmo: Yeah, about half of my non-serious girlfriends have been, you’re not alone

Amber: You do date!

Cosmo: Sound more surprised

Amber: Well yeah, you’re out here pretending to be a monk or something

Cosmo: Your impression because I didn’t want to talk about you in the shower, which, by the way, would be really unprofessional

Amber: I’m not suggesting you watch me take my next one, that would be

Cosmo: Correct

Cosmo: but we do have a bath, so you can have one

Amber: You’re not playing to get me back, are you?

Cosmo: Nope

Amber: I’m nearly speechless

Cosmo: Then my work here is nearly complete

Amber: Silence has to be unprofessional

Cosmo: Depends on the profession

Amber: Mine, we need to talk

Cosmo: Yeah, we need to talk sometimes

Amber: You’d be a good teacher too, you’ve got their disapproving aura down

Cosmo: That what your da is like?

Amber: Not at all, but he’s unconventional

Amber: my teachers at school are basically clones of each other when it comes to me and how they deal

Cosmo: All shit?

Amber: Like they reckon I am, a piece of clinging to their shoe

Cosmo: Glorified babysitters anyway

Cosmo: You’ll have no excuse now, all this time, peace and quiet, be easy

Amber: I’m hoping, I’ve been waiting for something they’ve taught me to click since I started

Cosmo: You’re not dumb, it will

Amber: You don’t know that, you haven’t actually been near me or my books with any gold stars

Cosmo: You can tell a dumb person by talking to them, I can

Cosmo: you’re not that, at any rate

Amber: Thanks, it must’ve killed you to be semi nice to me

Cosmo: If only

Amber: I’m scared I won’t pass, can’t

Cosmo: Caring is half the battle

Amber: What if I lose the rest of the battle? Try and try and try, but fail my exams anyway?

Amber: you’ll go pro and I’ll be a highschooler in my 20s

Cosmo: You’d go to college to do it, with other adults

Cosmo: and they’d not waste time with all the extra stuff like teachers, just the basics you need

Amber: Yeah, no, you’re probably right, and we’re making progress because I’m barely pained to say you are

Cosmo: ‘Cos it’s not personal, just facts

Amber: Plus, you’re being pretty kind

Cosmo: Well, the bar is in hell so

Amber: Limbo’s my game

Cosmo: Bit of a dick move to challenge my mother

Amber: I’m challenging you

Cosmo: You’re short, there’s less way to go down

Amber: We’ll adjust it to keep you from being disadvantaged

Cosmo: Are you sure that’s the best use of our time?

Amber: Team building’s famously never not a fun time

Cosmo: Okay that’s definitely a joke

Amber: He’s learning

Cosmo: 👏

Cosmo: But I mean, maybe we could go over some basics, if I’m around

Amber: And you do mean it?

Cosmo: I’m not saying I’m a brainiac but I might be able to help some, as I’m where you’re meant to be

Amber: What an insanely sweet offer, it sucks I can’t accept when you’ve got heaps on your plate with football

Cosmo: Sure, not a priority

Cosmo: but > limbo, that’s all

Amber: Good luck beating the old man allegations with this anti limbo stance, but okay, I’m in

Cosmo: Being on the bench for a party isn’t my craic, doesn’t go down well

Amber: Excuse me, the only p word coming out of my mouth is professional

Cosmo: Let’s keep it that way

Amber: Yes boss

Cosmo: I hate both my names but 

Cosmo: Neither lends to a good nickname

Amber: What do your friends and non-serious girlfriends call you?

Cosmo: The team usually goes by surnames, anyone else calls me my name, too much effort to try and change it

Amber: Are you in charge of the team? I could nickname you captain

Cosmo: I don’t know if it’s very professional to make such a power dynamic

Amber: Oh, but you’re in charge of this arrangement, that’s a fact

Cosmo: It’s mutually beneficial though

Amber: I know, I know

Cosmo: Call me what you want, it’s all good

Amber: I don’t mind making the effort to find something you don’t hate

Cosmo: Let me know if you do, by all means

Amber: I need my gold stars, I’ll keep you updated

Cosmo: Maybe I’ll teach you an Irish word each time too

Amber: I’d love that

Cosmo: Does helpfulness end at 🍺🍻🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹🧉🍾?

Amber: If it did you could leave the language dead and buried, at [the commune] they create their own, I don’t need to hit up the bars

Cosmo: ‘Course they do

Amber: Dandelion wine wins most popular, but they’ll use and brew anything

Cosmo: If weed wine wins I dread to think what’s losing

Amber: It tastes better than you’re imagining, I swear 

Cosmo: I’ll take your word on that one

Amber: You don’t fancy me bringing you a bottle?

Cosmo: I’m sure ma would like it

Amber: She does, she’s mentioned it

Cosmo: Slainte then

Amber: [write it in every language you know it in, I’m not gonna do all that cos god knows how many that is, blowing his phone up with these one after another haha, put the flag emojis next to each one when you can so he can work out what’s what]

Cosmo: Miss 🌎🌍🌏

Amber: A token gesture, appreciated wherever I go though

Cosmo: Effort counts

Amber: You don’t have to play nice on every subject now we’re colleagues, it’s okay

Amber: everything ends up performative and I don’t put in enough, ever really, to be counted

Cosmo: I get why you wouldn’t, that’s all

Cosmo: yeah it’s performative bullshit but you’ll be gone before you’ve unpacked, so, why would anyone bother

Amber: Because other people don’t get to travel? I don’t know, it feels both disrespectful to the culture we don’t bother to integrate into and ungrateful to complain that it’s excessive

Cosmo: Honestly, it’s egotistical either way

Cosmo: Your arrival isn’t as awaited as your parents would have it be, no one cares

Amber: I love you

Amber: and I diva demand you print that on a t-shirt for me to pack when we leave

Cosmo: It’ll suit you

Cosmo: and make you suitably unpopular

Amber: In what colour?

Cosmo: 🤔

Cosmo: What does the New Zealand flag look like again?

Amber: [send him the emoji]

Amber: it’s not cute

Cosmo: Awkward

Cosmo: wearing that here would also make you a little too unpopular

Amber: What does your footie costume look like?

Cosmo: It’s a uniform, or a kit

Cosmo: 💙🖤

Amber: Blue it is

Cosmo: Sorted

Amber: We’re not leaving any time soon, I’ll be clocking in for ages yet, promise

Cosmo: Do they give you a timeframe or just decide one day?

Amber: I used to fall for how they pretended to frame it as a discussion, but it isn’t, I know that now

Amber: I get a say if I’m agreeing 

Cosmo: Of course, they can’t actually leave you anywhere

Amber: If she’s counting down on that option, she’s got [however long til your 18th bday cos you do have one but we don’t know when this is set] left to serve

Cosmo: What’s your plan then?

Amber: The rate I’m going, I’ll be nowhere near leaving cert, yet in deep enough throwing my progress away would still be an idiot move

Amber: fingers crossed your nan does love me and leaves me your couch to sleep on in her will

Cosmo: Well, there’ll be a room going if you’re not scared of ghosts

Cosmo: or her wallpaper choice

Amber: I’d overlook possible ghosts for wallpaper, sure

Cosmo: You could take his bed but that’s no better than where you are, I’m sure

Amber: I don’t have a bed where I am, beggars can’t be choosers

Cosmo: What do you sleep on there?

Amber: Hammocks when the weather doesn’t suck, floors when it hardcore does

Cosmo: The weather is never that good

Amber: Layers are my besties

Cosmo: Jesus

Amber: I’m 17 not 7, remember

Cosmo: You still need a bed

Amber: Sleeping on the floor’s great for your back, old man

Cosmo: Sleeping without proper warmth isn’t

Amber: Print that specific wisdom on a blanket and gift it to me, you’ve heard when my birthday is

Cosmo: The place needs condemning 

Amber: The housing crisis needs addressing

Cosmo: Get your parents on it then

Amber: The hero worship deserted me before 7

Cosmo: You know my thoughts, people hiding in dangerous living situations isn’t going to fix anything

Amber: Your thoughts are still going round and round in my head, believe me

Cosmo: Sorry

Cosmo: can’t take it back now

Amber: You wouldn’t, don’t lie

Cosmo: I wouldn’t

Cosmo: but you’re not responsible solely for that place by a long shot

Amber: I’m aware of my limitations

Amber: egotistically and practically

Cosmo: Then you’re already better than your parents

Cosmo: isn’t that what they all want?

Amber: I’ll turn up on your doorstep crying, is that what you want?

Amber: because that’s the loveliest thing anyone’s ever said to me

Cosmo: If you want my mum to shout at me as revenge

Cosmo: if not, please don’t

Amber: Before I’m on your street I’ll get myself together then

Cosmo: All for her benefit, I’m sure

Amber: No, yours

Cosmo: She’s a hippie, however bitter life’s made her, the shouting is nothing to be scared of

Amber: So’s mine, and I’ve been wearing the getting shouted at t-shirt daily, especially lately

Amber: I’m not going to wish the same on you

Cosmo: She seems like a ballbuster

Amber: Correct assumption with no notes, she is

Cosmo: Unlucky

Cosmo: though a backbone is better than none

Amber: She gets enough flack from men as a strong woman without me piling in, yeah

Cosmo: She’s still a nightmare, just a different nightmare from Daisy

Amber: She’s still my mama, I’m just being a brat

Cosmo: That what she calls you?

Amber: Her vocabulary’s different, the meaning isn’t drifting far

Cosmo: What decade is she from?

Amber: Who’s she talking to? In the nightmare she can obviously shapeshift

Cosmo: 👽

Cosmo: Whatever superhero hype she’s on, there’s no powers

Amber: Now that’s a costume

Cosmo: Halloween sorted

Amber: Well, I have to dress as a soccer player

Cosmo: I’d be honoured to replace your ma as the biggest nightmare, sure

Amber: Of course you would

Cosmo: What I aim for

Amber: You’re aiming for the big leagues, why stop on the field?

Cosmo: I thought it was over

Amber: Think again, Miles Morales

Cosmo: No time for us to get sentimental, MJ, there’s work to be done

Amber: We’ve got time, I had to walk from [wherever you were, whether that’s the commune or somewhere else, the point being she wasn’t and isn’t 5 mins from his house]

Cosmo: No need

Amber: Less talking more walking, gotcha

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Lush pt.2

Lux: [you better finally show up girl, even with an outfit change and finding something edible, time is here and you are so much more !! than you ever intended to be]

Dash: [soz he’s so extra and down bad that he’s wearing her down always, case in point catch him waiting for her sluttily with his feet in the stream, god knows what time of year it is but regardless I’m sure said water is freezing and yet, oh lord the cinematic turn to look over his shoulder with heart eyes and a smile as she appears, we’d all fall for it sis]

Lux: [it’s the reality, soz Amber, soz Amber’s mum, we cannot help it remotely, smiling back at him so huge, pushing your own face away because you can’t stop after a point, standing over him because you still wore your heels and you’re already a giant, handing him some sort of fruit to eat before you do, in fact, sit with him, going to unstrap your shoes to put your feet in the stream too]

Dash: [less soz Hazel because ma’am you’re a bitch and it’s none of your business, handle your own first, love, but speaking of Ambah, where are you hun, you’re supposed to be keeping her away from this boy, I love that she’s a flop friend because they never really stay in one place long enough for her to be a proper one yet, but anyway, Winnie says he hopes it’s a juicy fruit like mango or a peach etc etc so he can eat that sluttily in front of her too because he absolutely will, using his free hand he’s not eating sluttily with to reach out to help her, then really sluttily holding the fruit in his mouth so he can 2 hand this, do you wanna shamelessly just touch her somehow yes, but are you actually also helping with her shoes, also yes]

Lux: [also real, yes, Winola gay you are so correct for that because the mood is already feral, gotta do everything in your power to just make you lose your mind, making a little noise, like it was ticklish but it wasn’t even and your feet are pushing into his hands rather than pulling away, if anything]

Dash: [the way he’d bite harder into that piece of fruit because of that little noise she made and the feet antics just making juice ruin down his chin a lil bit, it’s honestly borderline pornographic, we love to see it, especially because once he’s offered her a hand, without getting up, just by stretching and whatnot, the few unnecessary steps into this stream and she’s feet in and sat next to him (after he’s made her twirl in place like that vid she sent that he’s obsessed with watching over and over again, because I’m sure her outfit change needs a moment of appreciation whatever it may be) he will be offering her said fruit with said giant bite mark while finally wiping his sticky chin with the back of his hand]

Lux: [biting your lip, in a far less awkward way than you did before, far harder too, like you’ve mistaken your mouth for your own piece of fruit which remains untouched and in whatever bag you’ve brought the food in, rubbing it almost disbelievingly like you can’t believe you just did that, because you can’t believe this boy and everything about this moment, your hand would low-key be shaking as you take this fruit, determinedly so however because you have to also eat this fruit in the same manner, to show you can keep up]

Dash: [his own hand going up to touch her bottom lip as she takes this fruit and gives him a free one, just for the moment before her mouth is full of said fruit and he drops it though, and his own hand also shaking a lil as he did that gentle lip brush, it’s cinematic again baby, rubbing his sticky chin clean in the same hard and disbelieving manner but his eyes are fixed on watching her eat, accidentally on purpose lowkey playing footsie in the stream because he isn’t looking where his feet are kicking but they’re kicking more because he’s !! as he stares at her eating this fruit so they get tangled in hers because y’all are sitting close]

Lux: [trailing your fingers on your free hand dreamily in this stream, using the water to wash his face, like you don’t really need to now he’s dealt with it but are going to, obviously, just to touch him too, using the tangle of limbs in this water to pull yourself just that tiny bit closer to him again]

Dash: [the GASP is not because the water is cold, we all know, taking what’s left of this fruit from her mouth and putting it back into his before he can say anything/make any other extra sounds, taking such a dramatic bite again to coincide with her getting closer]

Lux: [doing your own GASP but managing to make it believably mocking, like how dare you, moving your face closer to his, tilting your head to the side how you do to kiss, as if you’re going to take it right out of his mouth with your mouth but you’re not close enough to actually do it, paused so you can make the glittering !! EYE CONTACT in this beat between action and inaction]

Dash: [maintaining the eye contact as he closes the gap with his own head tilted and passes her this fruit with his mouth, for what is probably the final bite so again cinematic, barely pulling away once he has given it so they’re that close for the length of time it takes her to eat it]

Lux: [pulling him closer by the shoulders, crashing contact between your mouths so the MOAN that is definitely not about how tasty this juicy fruit is is somewhat stifled by said mouthful and him, trying to share every last bit of this final bite]

Dash: [they gotta do it, messily and dramatically, and when it’s all gone he’s gotta lick her lips and down her chin in such an indecent manner, I don’t make the rules winola gay does]

Lux: [when the way you’re panting has nothing to do with the way you had to lowkey hold your breath to complete that saucy move and everything to do with his now, still holding him by the shoulders and doing a laugh of disbelief over how bad you want him, gently pushing him back into the grass and putting a leg either side of him, similar to how you ended up in the tree but more blatant]

Dash: [when you were about to start kissing her neck but you can’t even be mad she pushed you back and prevented it because it’s such a hot move and a throwback, doing your own hot lol as you LOOK at her from this new position, a hand being run through his hair in case it dares to get in his way and even remotely block his view rn, licking his own lips too obvs, simply must]

Lux: [fixing his hair with him, tangling your hands how your feet tangled in the stream, giving his hand a SQUEEZE which gently tugs the hair that is caught between your fists ‘my present’ in a far-off kind of voice, because you had forgotten/stopped giving a shit again why you were here, then you realise this makes it sound as if you’re implying he’s your present so you go bright pink and do another laugh like no wait, shaking your own hair in front of your face for a moment’s privacy before you tuck it back behind your ears]

Dash: [a lil !! noise at the hair tug, in such a quiet and breathless almost caught in his throat way that if there was any real background noise going on/y’all weren’t in such close proximity and so intent on each other’s reactions it would’ve been barely noticeable/easily brushed off, doing a breath as if he’s just trying to catch his when she blushes but really he’s blowing on her hot cheek and lowkey a lil bit into her ear accidentally on purpose to be saucy, and then into her hair even as she’s already tucking it out of the way so it’s totally unnecessary to pretend you’re helpfully moving it like that, sharing the laugh but in an even more breathless and !! way as he reaches into his pocket (of the trousers he adorably rolled up to be feets in the water, such a lewk) to get this gift, which of course is a carved fox he has whittled like we did in the OG, because I gotta bring that back and it’s something for him to have been working on while she did her fashun]

Lux: [laying down on his chest, unprompted and unceremoniously, sorry for winding you lowkey more than you are boy lol, a bold move but you have your reasons, main reason being you can’t allow him to watch your face whilst you open this present and react to it, you simply can’t because you really didn’t have many friends back home so you were not receiving gifts that weren’t from your family, which were never sentimental or what you wanted, let’s be real, down here on your stomach just stunned silence and !! you’d only know she didn’t hate it because she’s padding it gently across him like a kid]

Dash: [me imagining him in a slutty lil crop top long before we ever discussed a chubby lil wooden fox walking across him and dying at that visual, letting her do this and the silence continue, watching her instead of where this fox is walking though, trying to get the force of his LOOKING to catch her eye and bring it to his, if only for a nanosec]

Lux: [you really do love to see it, taking this fox on a whole adventure across his body here, don’t mind us, trying to process a boatload of emotions about it so we don’t just sob at you because not the mood not the moment, clearing your throat SEVERAL times before you say ‘it’s incredible’ SO sincerely even with all the feeling you have held back, it’s still obvious we love it]

Dash: [0 hesitation in wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer to his chest because it do be obvious she’s got all those emotions and wants to sob ‘I’ve got all that inside me about you’ meaning not just that he thinks she’s incredible but everything she’s holding back from letting out rn because he really is having some massive emotions himself to try and process too that wasn’t all just fuckboy talk]

Lux: [allowing it with ease that shocks you but also doesn’t, snuggling into him in a way you weren’t before, you were just lying on him, now you’re actively holding onto him and doing the imperceptible micro-movements to stay ever closer to his body, the tiniest ‘oh’ with the hugest !! behind it because you feel totally speechless about him feeling the way you do, the possibility of it even being true]

Dash: [she’ll be able to hear his heart going harder because they are snuggling for the first time and it’s getting to him, these soft hours and the closeness that isn’t grabbing each other and wanting to fuck which was their vibe before and is usually his vibe ‘I’ve missed you, baby’ also soft, he hasn’t called her baby before as far as I’m aware but I shall go and quickly skim check lol because important info]

Lux: [tapping the rhythm of his heart out, doing it down one of his arms until you can do it on the palm of his hand, intertwining your fingers how they were in his hair but with far more intention, ending up properly holding his hand this time, LOOKING up at him reflexively with the baby mic drop, like you’re checking he really said it, that he meant to say it now, to you, which obviously he did so manoeuvering so you’re laid directly on top of him instead of kind of nestled in one side in a snuggle position because you need to fully face him and kiss him now ‘I’ve missed you too’ shared between your mouths like fruit]

Dash: [have a deserved in the grass makeout sesh because knowing this place god knows when some hippies could appear out of nowhere to faff in this stream, gotta make the most of your aloneness while you can, especially because he is MOANING into her mouth with so much !! because there was a part of him that thought she was gonna hardcore stick to her no kissing rule, for longer at least if not completely on this day, and he couldn’t be more thrilled she isn’t]

Lux: [is embarrassing how quickly you entirely abandon your rules and principles but that’s the point and in this moment you are not concerning yourself with it AT ALL lmao, also made a promise to yourself that you won’t run this time if someone comes but you also don’t want to be caught being really saucy with it, the one eye out you would need to keep but aren’t, whoops]

Dash: [my boo says we’re all second hand embarrassed for you hun haha but it’s okay because it’s embarrassing how quickly he’s turned on by her to such a ridiculous and obvious degree, has not remotely learnt a lesson from having to converse with those orchard peeps while the most horny he’s ever been and clearly will not, me like be careful you don’t literally roll into the stream because of how !! he’s rolling her around in this grass as they makeout because clearly needs to be on top of her immediately but then also back to vice versa as immediately because wants the best of all worlds and positions, also don’t lose that chobby fox in the grass please]

Lux: [it wouldn’t be deep but it would be like throwing cold water on fighting cats for your horniness, which, whilst practical, is not what either of you wants lol, I promise we will not lose the chobby fox boo, don’t you worry, throw him absentmindedly in the direction of your bag for safety and also because you need to have both hands in this boy’s hair right now]

Dash: [like, will I probably have him throw her in the water at some point, yes, but is now the time, absolutely not, they have kissing to be doing and doing it they TRULY are because this boy is DYING about these hair antics, the noises he’s making about it, unholy so thank god y’all are still alone for now, meanwhile both his hands are on her waist for that throwback]

Lux: [shhing him with and into a kiss, teasingly and happily ‘I want to stay’ like he’s trying to get y’all caught here, pushing him back down again so you’re on top, giving playfight but barely because you are MAKING OUT hardcore ‘I want you’ like it’s a clarification you need to make]

Dash: [likewise kissing her back SO hard to match this playfight but really just hardcore makeout vibe (and to try and shh because you wanna stay too obvs), his hands on her hips now, to give yeah stay here exactly where you are because INTO it, moving her specifically as he’s moving, to give that she’s such a tiny tiny girl once again and to fully be dryhumping here in a shamelessly !! rhythm on this grass in response to what she said]

Lux: [you will get the full force of the 🥺 from this angle, putting your hands over his so he can’t take them away, as if he was about to, slowly grinding against his movements with your own GASP, unaware and unbothered how loud you may be being ‘I’ve never done anything like this’]

Dash: [hitting her with an irl ‘that’s my girl’ for all of it, he’s gotta, said so indecently especially because it’s said so quietly that it’d be like they’re the only 2 peeps in the world nevermind alone here, basically whispered into her skin as he starts to kiss her neck the way he was denied earlier, continuing to move her and move in sync ‘me either’ cos in this moment it really feels like you have never, the other times you’ve done this have left your mind or feel so incomparable to what’s happening here]

Lux: [PRESSING your face into his hair and breathing so heavily and dramatically when he’s kissing your neck, doing almost silent but obviously audible to him due to proximity whimpers, his name being the loudest you do, your hands running over your body, creating just enough space between you that he can see and watch you move under the waistband of your skirt, just slightly]

Dash: [out here treating her neck like that piece of fruit, licking and sucking on it like his life depends on it, but only biting when he hears his name, v gently compared to how hard he bit the fruit but it would feel !! to you both because it’s the first time, obvs watching INTENTLY everywhere her hands go and then actually biting her harder when it’s apparent where they’re going, but it’s more like her shoulder cos that’s where he was looking from]

Lux: [‘tell me I’m sweeter’ fully MOANED there is no chill, obsessed with this energy, the ‘baby’ you give him to the shoulder bite being even louder about it, prompting you to run your other hand over him in a similar path, stopping at the same spot with all the !! energy in the world]

Dash: [‘sweetest’ slightly muffled by these antics that haven’t been paused but still very coherent he’s making sure, moaning her name in response to the baby she called him because he hasn’t said it yet and it’s vital, but then said, indecently but definitely said not moaned, again, in response to what she’s doing like a yes to the question she hasn’t technically asked, almost exactly like before they kissed for the first time except more !! and he’s answering instead this time]

Lux: [any hesitation you had is going out the window with the way he says your name, twisting your skirt up to your waist so he can see the knickers you have on and that’s the only fabric between your body and the layers he has on, which you’re carefully pushing down to make him as equally unclothed, shaky hands pressing you together, rubbing the silky fabric between your dicks and using the rhythm of the dry humping to guide you]

Dash: [we all know he didn’t have any hesitation anyway, not for himself only for going too fast for her and she’s setting the pace here so it’s fine by him, his breathing is as shaky as her hands are, chest literally heaving at this contact, his hands moving to her arse to gently hold it in both hands and further guide her movements for her, going slowly deliberately not just because she’s never done this before but to prolong everything]

Lux: [STARING at what you’re achieving here, shamelessly and frantically fighting the slowness without intending to, just needing to, pushing your booty back into his hands ‘yours’ with such feral sincerity, letting yourself slip out the top of your knickers and your bare skin touch his, unclear if it’s accidental but the reaction is everything]

Dash: [grabbing her booty with the same feral energy so it’s likewise unclear if it’s accidental or not at first that when the cheeks inevitably spread wide apart he touches her booty hole but then he’s deliberately rubbing it with his finger, through her underwear, very much giving a girlie fingering experience which is why he’s keeping it up before finally asking, when their bare skin touches ‘can I touch you too?’ because meaning more than this and without the clothes in his way but still like this]

Lux: [BEAMING at him, ceasing what you’re doing momentarily to grab his chin and kiss him so passionately on the lips, sucking the full bottom lip into your mouth and biting it like the fruit, moaning and letting your eyes flutter back as you release his lip but are immediately back to tracing his whole dick in his pants, nodding dramatically ‘please, and everywhere’ like I don’t mind any sexual touch because not the kind that doesn’t like to acknowledge their dick, clearly]

Dash: [love how feral the girls are being in public today as if nobody is likely to rock up ever, and I also love this boy not knowing if she is that bitch and hence being like we’re going for euphoria instead of dysphoria today sis, trying to do the most to make her feel like a girl always and rn with his ideas of fingering and treating prostates like clits, we stan, touch this booty hole, like you did with her underwear on at first, just rubbing it, but then gently and carefully put a finger inside of her after sucking it (in an almost exact parallel to when his finger was bleeding in the orchard coincidentally and he wanted to stop it, but don’t worry everyone we’ll make sure it’s not that injured one) god bless]

Lux: [when we said we were trying, did not know you’d take it this far but pop off, here doing the biggest heart eyes at him sucking his finger, going to tell him how cute he looks but being cut off by the moan you have to do, low and continuous whilst your brain explodes over this sensation ‘I’m so yours now’ like you don’t even understand, boy]

Dash: [but he does understand though because almost cumming himself right there and then about it, as per in such an OBVIOUS way lol, and it’s not even happening to him it’s purely her reactions ‘forever’ because when he said he’d be 🤯😳🥵 about her forever cos of what they’d already done he meant that and we’re really cementing that thought here and now and taking it further]

Lux: [‘we’re both going to squirt all over my pants’ because neither of you is lasting forever in this exact moment however much you want it and you know it ‘push it inside me, then it’s real’]

Dash: [‘should’ve let me throw you in the water’ cos the clean up would’ve been easier, rolling a lil playfully as if he’s gonna fr roll them in like I feared earlier but it’s just to do the most with his every move and continued antics really before he’s LOOKING at her like are you sure]

Lux: [doing a grumpy face ‘I want to keep it’ like how dare you suggest such a thing but you’re making happy noises when he’s rolling you about in the grass, pulling his forehead to yours when you stop, by some necklace I’m sure he has on ‘make us cum together, just use both hands instead of one’ demonstrating jerking y’all off touching your full bare dicks together and shuddering, being unable to stop doing it yourself for him to take over, looking at him with the biggest eyes]

Dash: [taking a sec to kiss her grumpy face when she makes it exactly like she did to him earlier, complete with biting her bottom lip and everything, it has gotta be done, until the only thing he can do is give her the BIGGEST heart eyes he’s yet done at what she says and what she’s then doing, unable to stop STARING at this lil scene, almost panting at how !! you are at the contact and at the idea she’s put out there, he will never survive to do it bless him haha]

Lux: [‘I can feel you throbbing against me, you’re so close, Dash’ almost encouraging tone with how much you are loving how into this he also is ‘I’m ready for more of you, another’ straining to get this out with the readiness, truly]

Dash: [doing his own whimper at her because she’s so right, he is and his brain and body are both nearly short circuiting about it, gotta do what she says though, however embarrassingly fast it’ll then be over with when you do follow these instructions, it’s okay you’re not your gross dad in a hammock, kiss her again SO dramatically and then go for it, boy]

Lux: [you need to be kissing because the sounds you’re about to make when you both start cumming, covering both of you in jizz and making his fingers so much slippier that they fuck into you faster is going to be louder than you thought you had ability to be, full stop, so it’s gotta be dampened somehow as you are squeezing every last drop, spasming on his fingers]

Dash: [me like imagine if this was the moment some kids decided to play in the water, thank god it isn’t, because truly what a scene that’s unfolding here, this boy absolutely shook to his core because he has never had an experience like this for all his slaggy ways]

Lux: [stay away stay away, there’d be no running even if you wanted to at this point, it’s giving stunned silence after the pure NOISE of that makeout, twisting your skirt back down in an absolute daze, doing your best to catch your breath]

Dash: [mhmmm catch this boy found DEAD, lying on his back in the grass winded and stunned, staring up at the sky in complete shock and awe, no notes]

Lux: [getting up to straighten all your clothes out, patting your body like it belongs to someone else, wandering to stand in the stream, like the cold water might snap you out of the fog that’s come from total pleasure overload like you’ve never experienced ‘I don’t feel real now…’ getting the chobby fox from his safe place and sitting, stroking him top to tail ‘what have you done?’ which sounds way more accusatory written than it sounds coming from her mouth, like she genuinely just wants to know]

Dash: [still lying in the grass but in a slightly more casual and less shooketh manner, watching her wander to the stream and giving hearteyes as if to say cos she’s unreal without verbally saying it, pulling her to him when she sits (assumedly near enough to him) so that her head’s on his chest again and she can hear how insane his heartbeat still is because hasn’t recovered remotely, as if to say, what have YOU done, stroking her hair in an accidental parallel to her stroking the chobby fox, he just has to be soft in this aftermath moment, not realising that there is still some lingering jizz on his hand, despite him trying to wipe them off on the grass while he was watching her I’m sure, because it truly was lowkey everywhere (in an unintentional parallel to when he got blood on her in the orchard) so putting his mouth to the side of her head when he feels it there on a new stroke like oops lemme get that for you and kissing her hair clean essentially, if she’s looking at him she’d be able to see the cogs in his head turning trying to work out whether it’s hers or his or a mix of theirs both but he won’t really know because jizz tends to not have a strong taste unless you’re eating wild shit or being really gross, soz sir, btw I would like to point out he has not sorted his clothes, get re-dressed you heathen, anyone could arrive at any time and you’re trousers down at the gig lol but he is unphased]

Lux: [leaning against his chest still as out of it, this part feeling even less familiar because the vibe was very much secret meetings with the gay guy back home that were just about messing around and then not acknowledging each other, that vibe, so this softness is making you feel less real by the second; turning to face him, furrowing your brow at the sensation of your hair being nibbled on like that, like hello ??? shaking your head at him and combing your fingers through the patch of hair to make sure it’s all out ‘I hate showering here’ because I’m sure the hot water situation is always precarious and the bathrooms need cleaning before you feel like you can get clean yourself]

Dash: [oh god the bathrooms would be a nightmare and there definitely aren’t enough of them for how many peeps are always at this gaff because there’s gonna be 2 max and literally could be just the 1 if this is an af old farmhouse vibe, the queues, imagine it! Hence him saying ‘use the one at my house’ like that’s nbd because he has defs let other people in the past including Amber when she came over that time, getting up (finally getting dressed, thank god, so he doesn’t trip) heading towards the stream himself with the intention of washing his hands in the water so he doesn’t cover her with more jizz by accident but deciding to just get in, cue him lying on his back looking up at the sky again in this cold af shallow water]

Lux: [watching him do all this quietly, not replying until he’s looking at the sky again and not at you, shivering and rubbing the goose-pimpled skin of your biceps in response to him being laid in the freezing water ‘I’m obviously not going to do that’ with the scoff half-laugh at the idea because you think that’s beyond rude, not to mention if you did have jizz in your hair you don’t want to traipse through town to deal with it, thank you ‘I’ll get used to it’ said SO uncertainly because you don’t particularly want to get used to these living conditions if you’re being honest with yourself but you’re in your trying era so you’re putting a bright smile on your face in case he looks over]

Dash: [excuse this boy floating along like he’s not fully clothed, such silliness, ‘what’s obvious about it?’ with your own kind of half laugh at the fact she’s so quickly dismissing what’s a good idea in your opinion and defs no big deal, splashing about to get up so you’re sitting and can look over at her with a raised eyebrow like um why no]

Lux: [we are wondering why you got dressed to do this but not about to ask in this moment because he’ll only act like that’s obvious too is the feeling ‘your family doesn’t want random strays using their facilities’ as if this is the most obvious thing in the world like hello but pairing it with a shrug like it’s also no biggie and you don’t feel akin to homeless because you are ‘besides, that’s not how I want to meet your mammy’ a verbal nudge like boy, what sort of first impression, get with it]

Dash: [‘you’re not’ with too much !! to be casual because he’s hurt and offended she’d call herself a random stray when she means SO much to him obvs, running a hand through the wet wurls and doing the kind of back of neck scratch so many boys do and don’t realise when they’re feeling awks because of the !! not being chill ‘and we can head there when she ain’t’ like you don’t have to meet her coming out of the shower, it’s fine, as if that’s remotely feasible because I doubt this paralysed woman who needs her son to be her carer has a full time job getting her out of the house but pop off, Amber clearly didn’t run into her so she must be out sometimes if only for doctor’s appointments and things like that, me knowing damn well you’d tell your mum to hide if you had to and she would, don’t love that]

Lux: [doing the small, appreciative smile at him as he’s scratching his neck, leaning slightly towards him to show you hear as well as see him in this moment but it is still very thank you, but- because ‘I am to your family though’ reaching to your bag again because this is awkward and you can attempt to lessen it by distraction, getting some food out and taking a bite, even if you’re sat here chewing forever because you can’t seem to swallow, just shaking your head at the persistent offer because it’s not happening, guise of your mouth being full to stop you needing to provide any further answer]

Dash: [likewise scooting forward slightly in this water he’s still sat pissing about in to be closer to her, shaking his head SO big like nope remember I told her all about you she knows exactly who you are but not verbalising it because you don’t wanna start being extra about your feelings while she’s eating some picnic, shrugging it off like it’s again casual and you aren’t slightly upset she didn’t jump at the chance to let you be the shower hero you wanted to be]

Lux: [jokingly recoiling a bit like he just covered you in water droplets like a dog out the bath there, I’m sure there were some from his curls but we’re trying to lighten the mood more than anything, wiping one drop from the back of our hand, forcing your swallow, at last]

Dash: [reaching out a hand like he did in the orchard to help her up a tree, deliberately being unclear from his smile if he wants her to help him up out of the stream or if he’s planning to pull her into this water with him because there’s lowkey always mischief on his face unless he’s heart eyes or grumpy so that doesn’t give her as big of a clue as it should]

Lux: [we clearly do not trust you as you have mentioned multiple times a desire to pull us into this water so we’re recoiling even further back but grinning at you with it, shaking your head like your hair is wet too and can cover him in similar fashion]

Dash: [spring out of this water your hippo self with your own grin and shamelessly grab her so that she gets wet from how closely and tightly you pull her into your body from behind in this like bear hug you have going on, lifting her up off the floor slightly with the !! of it and as if you’re gonna fully like throw her over your shoulder and then into this water, shamelessly playfighting about trying to do that in a more flirty manner than a practical one because he is a skinny boy and I’m not sure he could actually pick her up like that v easily, tis simply the flirty threat your honour]

Lux: [the girly kind of shrieking and threats to not back, obviously, pulling at the clothes that are now sticking to you with dampness and pulling at his in the same manner, like you intend to pull them off but not actually doing it, shaking your head again ‘it’s going to take forever for you to dry’ like what are you like sir]

Dash: [laughing at her shrieks and walking backwards and pulling her towards this stream with him with both hands, dragging her basically but in a more flirty way than that suggests lol, but as they get to the edge she says that so he stops and answers as if she did ask wtf he’s doing, with much more sincerity and !! ‘I’m keeping me from overheating while you’re being so hot’ standing there holding both her hands in his for a beat while he LOOKS at her, before using them to pull her into him again]

Lux: [wrapping your arms around his shoulder again, tilting your head to one side with heart eyes that give way to affectionate eye-rolling, batting his face gently away like ew shh ‘what a line’ looking down at your now clasped hands as you go pink from his LOOK though ‘I’m trying’ in the tiniest voice from within this embrace]

Dash: [getting his face all up in hers when she bats it away, even going as far as to rub his cheek against hers which we can all pretend is just because it’s wet and a playful move but it’s actually an orchard throwback and the way he’s doing it is giving no feel me I’m actually burning up because hot and bothered is the way he always feels around her all the time we know, watching hers go pink when he’s moved back and she’s looking at their clasped hands but then they’re in this embrace and he’s holding her like I know girl, stroking her back like she is the chobby fox because it’s not even in a there there comforting kind of way it’s like I’m gonna take a sec to count all of your vertebrae, just being intense on the low yet again but it’s really giving let’s see if and then yep I think you’re strong enough to carry this all] 

Lux: [looking up at him in this proximity as he bumps down your spine, watching the cogs whirring in his mind again, like you can tell what he’s thinking already and like that means something greater and romantic about you two and your connection, freeing one hand from his to lay it on his cheek and feel the heat again, checking it’s still there and not a trick]

Dash: [his own hand LINGERING on her lower back when he’s done counting, remembering y’all’s feral antics not very long ago, leaving it there while he leans in to kiss her because feels like he must rn immediately or he will simply die]

Lux: [going from pink to deepest, darkest red when you understand why he’s lingering, the noise of protest, small yet !!, needs to be muffled by this kiss ASAP, both hands now on either side of his face]

Dash: [his hand going down to her arse as they kiss, to be joined by the other one, cupping it like earlier, thankfully he isn’t ending up being as feral as then because y’all gotta be on borrowed time as far as not being interrupted goes, just holding onto her via there thank you]

Lux: [jumping at the contact, the memory it brings flooding back, now somehow closer, further into his grasp, deepening the kiss, wrapping your own arms around his waist, pulling him into your push slightly but with an insistence born of frustration, also thinking of how someone is bound to show soon, clearly]

Dash: [likewise being flooded by mems rn so as she’s deepening the kiss his hands are doing more of a grab, trying to pick her up via this booty hold so that she can wrap her legs around him and they can be that close, actually managing to when he feels her frustration, if y’all nonexistent as yet peeps can see her flashing in her skirt during any of this, no you cannot, bye]

Lux: [GASPING happily, breath caught with the force of him lifting you up like this, kissing his cheek and down his jawline feverishly, rubbing the back of his neck, where he self-consciously did earlier ‘I love kissing you’ before you can realise what you’re saying, purely because you do and it came into your head]

Dash: [stumbling back a step when you hear the L word because you think she’s gonna say ily for a hot sec and almost falling into the water cos bitch I said they were right on the edge and they are, but managing to keep hold of her and stay upright so you’re just standing in said stream making out like your life depends on it, I imagine she does kinda drop a bit so he has to put her down and they are both standing then but nobody falls in and the makeout continues the entire time as if he’s trying to pull out all the stops so she REALLY loves kissing him]

Lux: [about to break another one of your rules by BOLTING when you think he’s about to freak out himself, half paranoid you did say you loved him instead of what you actually did, thank god he’s not leaving you enough room to truly freak out/get to running, enjoy your mid-stream makeout lads, until you inevitably getting stopped by someone or other coming to do whatever they plan to do in said stream]

Dash: [we should say it’s the gaggle of kids, all together and unaccompanied which is so dangerous but so typical, because then it’ll be less awkward than if it’s someone your ages or god forbid the judgy terf ladies, because they know Lux from school and they’re friends with Dash because he’s a big kid still, you can actually have some fun with these children together instead of having to run away]

Lux: [we’re being kind today lol]

Dash: [I can’t be evil after her first sexual experience, the poor girl deserves a nice day]

Lux: [ya welcome]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Ambux & Lush pt.1

Amber: Tell me to mind my own

Amber: but are you okay?

Lux: I didn’t hurt you, did I?

Lux: I’m so sorry for running like that, I felt kinda sick, I needed to find some space to be alone

Amber: I’m this close to a fake out, but hey, we all know this place’s first aid kit doesn’t contain bandages

Amber: no though, you didn’t really

Lux: I’d be surprised to learn of a first aid kit at all, if not for your ma

Lux: Good, I think I stepped on some guy’s toes, I don’t know who though

Amber: It’s [the name of a strain of weed and whichever essential oils the girlies are using to heal themselves and we’re shading because sick of it haha]

Amber: that’ll teach him not to wear shoes, ever, when there’s a time and a place

Lux: I’ll be careful not to need anything stronger than peppermint

Lux: At least I wasn’t wearing my heels, that’s something, I suppose

Lux: Thanks, for asking, I know I looked like a 🦇 out of hell

Amber: Do you need something for your stomach?

Amber: not that I’m asking for myself out of a need to leave before this bonfire or anything

Lux: It’s my head, really

Lux: not like I’m crazy or anything, nerves, that’s what I mean

Lux: I was going to go but now I can’t… have you been invited to another party somewhere else?

Amber: Not even, that’d be all my head like I’m crazy, in no world am I getting heaps of invites

Lux: But you’re so cool

Amber: [the name of this commune] cool

Lux: I don’t know how to fit in here

Amber: You’re too sane

Lux: Never been accused of that before 😌

Amber: I know what you mean, first to be hit with the accusation of insane, me every time

Lux: Why don’t you want to go to the bonfire?

Lux: if you don’t mind me asking

Amber: I’ve got my own nerves, I guess you could say

Lux: It’s a lot of people

Lux: it always is, but all in the one spot doing the same thing

Amber: This thing happened with one of the people and I usually avoid him in the day to day, but I know he’ll be there tonight doing his thing

Lux: That makes sense

Lux: it’s sort of like you have to join in every activity here or you’re not being supportive or group-minded… I can only pretend to be sick so many times

Amber: Mama got to you too, say no more

Lux: No, it wasn’t her

Lux: someone welcomed me, was trying to convince me of the utopia this place is

Amber: Oh, it was Dash

Lux: Does he always do that?

Amber: Always is a stretch

Amber: but you’re who he would, for sure 

Lux: That doesn’t sound good…

Lux: Was he playing some kind of prank?

Amber: I’ve made him sound way more shady than he is

Amber: I just mean, you’re his type

Amber: new, available, cute girl is him all over

Lux: He was talking about you, you don’t need to apologise

Amber: He used to talk at me before I spelt out he’s too young to be using words like those in my direction

Lux: I’m so stupid

Amber: No, he’s smooth

Amber: he’s put in the work with heaps of girls before either of us

Lux: I’m not just a normal girl, with normal experiences, he knows that

Amber: In fairness to him, he’d see you as one

Amber: for all his flaws, that’s not

Lux: I told him

Amber: Did you run away, is that what that was?

Lux: Yeah

Amber: And I’ve made you feel worse, running my mouth

Amber: I’m so so so sorry

Lux: No, it’s all entirely obvious

Amber: I could be wrong, I am about heaps of things

Lux: You aren’t

Lux: he told me, about you and his da, that’s who you don’t want to see, isn’t it?

Amber: How and why would my sex life come up? God, I don’t know why I’m surprised, why wouldn’t it? 

Amber: typical this place

Lux: I did say he shouldn’t gossip

Lux: we were talking about his parents, I think, but beyond that, yeah I don’t know why he brought it up either

Lux: well, now I realise he thinks it’s impressive, aspirational behaviour

Amber: Generational toxic masculinity being alive and well inside these walls is no big shocker either

Lux: Oh God, how do I avoid him forever

Amber: If I get a working system going, I’ll let you know

Amber: his dad is the kingpin of suck, it knocks me genuinely sick I went there

Lux: Is he not, like, extremely old?

Lux: I couldn’t call his daddy a creep to his face but… why did you?

Amber: [drop his exact age because you are mortified]

Amber: I don’t know what happened, there’s a whole long story how it did, not long enough to excuse me though

Lux: I know some girls like older guys, I’m not judging you, only him

Amber: I do when Dash is asking, and I’m not about to lie about truth to it at other moments, but

Amber: circumstances were what they were, he was there, not exactly in a he could’ve been anyone way, there’s levels of unhinged I haven’t reached

Amber: I was upset and how he decided to comfort me was the least creative method there is, to keep the story short

Lux: My sort of boyfriend from home, I only kissed him because he was the only gay guy I knew of

Lux: that makes me feel mortified admitting it but my point was we probably shouldn’t be that hard on ourselves

Amber: Being kind to myself is hard when no one else is about it

Lux: Yeah, I know what you mean

Amber: And he’s so persistent, I officially can’t be found crying ever again

Lux: I could promise to look after you if you promise to stop me from talking to him again, beyond the polite, community-spirited small talk

Amber: Okay, I promise

Lux: 🤞

Lux: Why were you crying?

Amber: It was stupid, I had a fight with mama

Amber: I don’t remember what about now, everything and nothing

Lux: Ah, I understand

Amber: I was in a hammock trying to silently, or quietly anyway, sob it out and he got in thinking mine was empty

Amber: damn near tipped me out, and when he saw I was crying he thought he’d hurt me, like his body crushed me or something

Lux: That’s a shame, it’s almost cute

Amber: Which is what got me to fall for it

Lux: I’m sorry

Amber: He was being nice and I wanted someone to be nice to me

Amber: I know you like her, but she can be so not, to me at least

Lux: I know parents can be one thing to the world and quite another at home

Lux: I’m not going to tell her

Amber: When I kissed him, I reckoned even as I went to go for it that it would be okay because he’d stop me, how could he do anything else, right? He’s old enough to be my dad, and for the record the older men I like are always under 30, but he didn’t

Lux: He should’ve

Lux: but as you said, unsurprised he didn’t

Amber: I should’ve snapped out of it, had words with myself

Lux: You were upset, and a kid, to his adult anyway

Amber: She couldn’t even bring herself to treat me like a kid when I told her, just once would it kill her?

Lux: What did she say?

Amber: She had the pill waiting for me next to a mug of green tea and a plate of cut up fruit before I’d opened my mouth, she must’ve heard through the grapevine, I didn’t ask

Lux: Oh

Lux: Helpful but clinical

Amber: And the fruit’s caring, she did chop it up before her prepared speech about what she’s trying to do here and how happy my daddy is teaching you all

Lux: She thought you were making a point, throwing a tantrum, parents always think that

Amber: Maybe I was, I don’t know, part of me

Lux: Maybe you had a point

Amber: I hate living here, and in the heaps of other heres like this

Lux: It’s their dream, the life they want, not yours…

Amber: Check my privilege definitely, talking to you, I know how I sound

Lux: Not at all, it’s nice, to be talked to like I’m normal

Amber: Congrats, you’re pretty normal, but I can’t be or I’d have shut up half a bad sex story ago

Lux: If I had my own to share I’d chip in but

Lux: not that kind of normal

Amber: I’m proud of you for not getting under that boy, from your past, but also Dash

Lux: I did K-I-S-S him up a tree, like a complete cliche but that’s as far as that goes, scouts honour

Amber: The bloody orchard, been there

Amber: every boy treats it like he’s the first to think of it as a uniquely romantic destination, I swear to god

Amber: calm down, they’re a few apple trees

Lux: 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I can never forgive myself for entirely losing my brain

Amber: It was a good kiss, I forgive you

Lux: I didn’t say that, did I?

Amber: Honey, you didn’t have to

Lux: Oh no 😩

Amber: It’ll be okay, I’ve promised

Lux: He’ll be onto the next new girl or boy, or back to my previous, I’ll have to just get over it

Amber: What hiding spot are you using? I could come find you, bring [whatever the best food and drinks are this lame bonfire has to offer]?

Lux: I’m in the attic

Lux: there’s no ladder yet and you are quite short, no offence

Lux: I could give you a leg up though

Amber: Some taken, I’m short but I’m super flexible

Amber: ask Dash’s dad, except don’t

Lux: 😶😶😶!!!!!

Amber: He didn’t last long enough to experience [whatever advanced af yoga pose you’re namedropping here because you’ve probably been doing yoga since you were a literal baby, love to shade Caleb for being bad at sex and I will take every opportunity thank you]

Lux: Were you still in the hammock? 

Amber: Oh yeah, he wasn’t going anywhere once he struggled in

Amber: it was over so fast I’d have been able to forget it happened right after if everyone else would let it go

Lux: That really sucks

Lux: do you think Dash will say anything to anyone?

Amber: How did you guys leave things? Was he pissy and petty or mr nice guy?

Lux: Okay, I think

Lux: I just said I’m not going to the bonfire, he didn’t seem mad

Amber: He won’t say a word if he thinks you’ll climb up another tree with him, he’s no idiot

Lux: Ah, yeah

Lux: smart thinking

Amber: His school friends are a separate little world, but I’m there to overhear and I’d let you know

Lux: Thanks

Lux: maybe it’s best I don’t know, don’t think about it

Amber: We can do that too

Amber: maybe there won’t be stuff to talk about anyway, if he’s not about you to the lads

Lux: If he’s done that and more with however many people, yeah, why would he

Lux: You’re right

Amber: I’d brag, you’re beautiful, but I didn’t say that because girls are more than their looks and objectifying anyone is wrong, blah blah blah, I know

Lux: 😳 But coming from you, woah

Amber: Don’t worry, it’s not coming from me like that, bisexuality is assumed because of how I look and where we live but I’m not, despite the pleas to give it a chance

Lux: I’m not worried

Lux: and probably not bisexual either

Amber: It wouldn’t be any easier, girls can suck as bad, I’ve lived with heaps who do the most to live up to the very worst stereotypes boys have of us

Lux: If only things were that simple

Lux: I’d give it a chance, in a heartbeat

Amber: Anything once, or I’d be disowned for being narrow minded

Lux: Labels are my bag, another Dash-ism

Amber: He’s awesome, I completely understand why everyone’s falling over themselves on any given day

Lux: 🙈🙈🙈

Lux: I blame my parents for sheltering me so much

Amber: Hard same, but the opposite

Amber: someone give me a bit of shelter please, that sounds really nice in the right quantities

Lux: There must be a nice balance there in the middle… and some lucky people who get to experience it

Amber: Unfair and therefore I imagine 100% true

Amber: like me not having sex since, because I just can’t, and him being the lasting impression and memory I’m left with now

Lux: That is unacceptable

Lux: You have to find a nice boy immediately, a normal one from your school, not here

Amber: Nice, normal boys are intimidated by my alien otherness

Lux: And your ridiculous good looks, undoubtedly

Amber: Ridiculous, yeah 

Amber: good, I don’t know

Lux: You don’t look ridiculous

Amber: My parents have been letting me get tattoos from the age of [I dread to think but the point is that you’re saying you’d have made different choices if you’d been older which anyone who gets one as soon as they are 18 even usually agrees with so]

Lux: I would have made infinitely worse decisions than you seem to have, if that’s any consolation

Lux: I went through so many awful names before ending up where I did

Amber: Sorry, my brain’s designated you agony aunt tonight for some reason

Amber: I’m not even high, I guess that could be why but I’m not going to think about it, a problem for another day if I’ve got a drug problem

Amber: this name suits you, thankfully, more than mine does my accent

Lux: It’s been mutual, and as I can’t talk to anyone else about him, it’ll have to stay that way so you better take up the chance

Lux: The contact high is permanent, I try to avoid it and it’s impossible so

Lux: you’re cute, Ambah

Amber: Girl, we need to get you in school

Amber: cleaner air, other gorgeous lads, friends who aren’t my mama

Lux: But your da would miss the conversation with someone over the age of [however lil these lil kids are giving lol]

Amber: She’ll shepherd in some more teens any day now, especially if she hears your wool is going black

Lux: 💔 Ouch

Lux: I know I can’t hide here forever but

Lux: I don’t know if I can step foot inside a school again

Amber: I know it’s scary, I stayed out of spite for ages because I’d begged and begged to go and I didn’t want to give the satisfaction of an I told you so

Amber: then it got gradually better, honest

Amber: I’ve found a little tribe and everything, the work’s still hard and I’m laughed at for being grades and years below where I’m meant to but I don’t hate going every day

Lux: It’s brave of you, without meaning to sound patronising even a little

Lux: I don’t know, I don’t feel safe anywhere so it shouldn’t be any different on my nerves, I guess

Amber: I’m stubborn, like someone else we both know

Amber: When’s your birthday? You’d be in my year, I reckon, the one they’ve kept me down in for not knowing heaps of things

Amber: we’d have each other

Lux: It isn’t a bad trait, if she wasn’t, I’d still be at home or God knows where

Lux: [tell her because you would be]

Amber: Okay, that’s settled

Amber: I do need to warn you, Dash will be around too but you can’t let that put you off

Lux: Settled?!

Amber: Uh huh, daddy will fix it up for you when I talk to him and you’ll get to come to school with me

Lux: You’re kinda scary you know 😅

Amber: Yeah, I am, school’s got nothing on me

Amber: I’ll watch your back

Lux: He said that too, not to accuse you of coming onto me now 

Amber: I’d be tempted if he was the kinda boy who’d back off but he’d just expect both of us to be his girlfriend

Lux: 💀💀 me

Amber: That sounds bad, I’m not saying I would because you were born a boy biologically, I hope you don’t think I was getting at that

Lux: I wasn’t taking it as a serious proposition, or like that, promise

Amber: I’ll throw myself off the attic height, I promise, or just stop talking

Lux: You have to tell me all about school first, including who else to avoid

Lux: but we can do that in person, if you want to

Amber: If I ever show up in person

Amber: mama was throwing daggers when I first tried to leave, then daddy wanted a dance, then Caleb was blocking the exit dealing

Lux: 😬

Lux: Do you know what happened to Dash’s ma?

Amber: What do you mean by what happened?

Lux: Why’d she like, leave him here

Lux: when clearly Caleb isn’t a good enough father to be left raising him

Amber: Leave him?

Amber: Honey, hold on, did he tell you he lives here?

Lux: Yeah, I swear, I asked him where he sleeps and everything

Lux: what do YOU mean that he doesn’t?

Amber: He sleeps here sometimes, at the weekends

Amber: he isn’t like us, he doesn’t have to stay

Lux: Oh my God

Amber: He’s fully got a house, I’ve been there when I was new

Amber: I didn’t meet his mum or whatever but he’s got one that he assumedly lives with

Lux: It just gets worse and worse

Amber: I’m sorry, I didn’t know his web of lies was including a fake backstory

Lux: Now I’m doubting what he said, or what he purposely didn’t

Lux: but I’m not reading it back, it doesn’t matter now

Amber: How sick

Lux: I thought she might be dead, seriously

Lux: I wouldn’t have leapt to those conclusions for no reason

Amber: Giving him the tiniest benefit for the shortest second possible, I didn’t meet her, maybe he does live with someone else, different family and she is gone, I’m not sure

Amber: he doesn’t live in [the name of the commune] with Caleb though

Lux: I think she’s around, he talked around everything, in hindsight

Lux: he would think it was Utopia, it’s a holiday for him

Amber: He’s having the luckiest escape me not knowing where he is right now

Lux: I do

Amber: Where? I’m going to kill him

Lux: He won’t be alone

Amber: Like I care

Lux: I do

Amber: I’ll get rid of the audience, he’ll be ecstatic to be alone with me, he’s been trying to be for months

Lux: That doesn’t make me feel better

Lux: it’s not you, it’s… whoever else

Amber: I’m lame as at this, aren’t I?

Lux: No, he’s just a jerk

Lux: tell your ma that you’re going to make me [some remedy for stomach aches she swears by] that should buy you some time without the daggers

Amber: Okay, yeah, I’m on that

Dash: what’s up?

Lux: Nothing

Lux: you?

Dash: I ain’t heard jack from you in time

Lux: What’s to say? We only had the one convo, like

Dash: wdym 

Dash: we’ve had no bad scene, why you being off?

Lux: You can’t think of a single reason?

Dash: nah

Dash: ??

Lux: So you do that whole routine every time but why’d you lead me to believe you live here when you don’t

Dash: what routine? 

Lux: Playing dumb and making me describe it all to you is annoying, you know what routine

Dash: I don’t

Lux: You said it yourself, fresh meat, not subtle really, in hindsight

Dash: you’re getting unglued over a past I laid on you?

Lux: No, it’s not your past, it’s now

Lux: you let me think your ma abandoned you here when you literally have a home

Dash: I said she split from the farm

Dash: she did

Lux: I think it was pretty obvious I thought you lived here, you don’t

Dash: I feel at home here

Dash: why am I the big bad 🐺 for that?

Lux: You can say you didn’t lie but you didn’t tell the truth once

Lux: if you were actually interested in getting to know me, you wouldn’t have been so duplicitous 

Dash: I told you my truth

Dash: no scams, fake or plastic nowhere near what I rapped to you

Lux: I’m sure there’ll be someone new before we know it

Dash: yo, how can you be like this?

Lux: How can I?

Lux: That whole tree bit isn’t even your idea!

Dash: someone’s been putting ideas to you to get you to trip

Lux: Why would anyone want me to freak out?

Lux: You had reason to want me to buy what you were selling

Dash: reason to want you, you know it

Lux: That’s as far as it goes

Lux: chalk it up to a loss, I suppose, I will a complete mortification

Dash: you’ve gone off the deep end

Lux: You’re gonna call me crazy? Like this isn’t a really bad look for you as is

Dash: you’re gonna act it, running round behind my back checking up on what words I’ve put out there when you could’ve just come to me to untwist this all for you

Lux: How could I trust you to

Lux: it’s said and done now, I shouldn’t have behaved so stupidly

Dash: you never trusted or it wouldn’t be said & done 

Lux: I don’t want to be friends with someone who only wants to screw me

Dash: not my action or my energy

Lux: Sure thing

Dash: I’ve kept this thing honest cos I’m sure we could have something unreal

Lux: How much did we even find out about each other?

Dash: finding out don’t gotta be a mad 🏃🏼‍♀️⚡️ like you jetting from the orchard

Dash: we were vibing

Lux: I just feel like you weren’t interested in getting to know me, or letting me get to know who you actually are

Dash: you think I’m a phoney cos you’re listening to idk, beats me who

Dash: instead of me

Lux: Someone who had similar experiences, enough that an off-hand comment hit base

Dash: they couldn’t

Dash: the experience we had hit different

Lux: Don’t tell me I’m special when the opposite is true

Lux: I don’t need to be special, I’ll survive but it’s mean to tell me otherwise

Dash: I’m telling you the opposite ain’t

Dash: who else was there?

Lux: You do it all the time

Dash: it don’t feel that way all the time

Lux: I don’t know, I only have one person to compare it to

Dash: comparing you to [however many] people, I know you’re special

Dash: & we were making magic happen together

Lux: We could still be friends, if you were willing to be more open, not mislead me, intentional or otherwise

Dash: whoever’s snitching’s misleading you about me

Dash: I’ve opened myself up to you 

Lux: And I did to you

Dash: you’ve closed off now

Lux: You said it’s not a race, if you mean it, getting to know each other properly shouldn’t be an issue

Dash: you haven’t moved, you’re on some 🐢 race

Dash: keeping yourself hid while I’ve been 👀 for you everywhere

Lux: You have not

Dash: have

Lux: Not very hard

Lux: and you took someone else up that tree when I didn’t show

Dash: I kissed up to Hazel ages, it was a real drag

Dash: & quit trying to rattle me, you didn’t show

Lux: You didn’t even wait, what, an hour?

Lux: Imagine I had shown up, you don’t think that’s harsh

Dash: this isn’t a trip you can lay, you weren’t gonna, I was hip to that before I did anything

Lux: Proving that marking the tree out was just to make you look good and make me feel bad then

Dash: when I marked it I was keeping the faith, I waited & you didn’t change your mind

Lux: You have the attention span of a gnat, clearly

Dash: I wanted to hang with you, you shut me down

Lux: Because I was upset

Dash: you ran & then went 📻🔇 babe

Dash: I don’t dig that either

Lux: A friend would have cared, someone who only caught the tail end bothered to make sure I was okay

Lux: you didn’t

Dash: you forced me to go to the bonfire

Lux: You know why

Dash: you knew it’d be a bummer without you

Lux: Doesn’t sound like it was though

Dash: you cut me low, friends cared

Lux: How do you think I felt learning it was all recycled

Dash: it wasn’t

Lux: How could I get told every move play-by-play without needing to prompt the convo at all

Lux: It’s fine, that’s how you operate, I was the idiot for assuming otherwise

Dash: search me, I’m not the slick operator I’m being painted as

Lux: As a potential friend, I should probably let you know that the whole orchard thing has been caught on to then, like, big time

Dash: caught onto as what? my fave place to 💭 & 💤?

Dash: it’s where I chill & I like you so I brought you, there’s no conspiracy

Lux: You didn’t bring me there to 💭 & 💤

Lux: and that’s not the general consensus of why you take anyone there, why anyone does

Dash: we could’ve

Dash: you’re turning on me & this dark

Lux: You’re allowed to do what you want, and I didn’t say you forced me

Dash: I’m not with none of what you’re talking about

Dash: I don’t get it

Lux: Are you embarrassed by it being obvious or?

Lux: It’s more embarrassing to have fallen for it, trust me

Dash: I wasn’t playing

Dash: I don’t about 😍

Lux: Can we just, I don’t know, draw a line under it?

Dash: you can

Dash: I’m not gonna just get over it

Lux: Why are you making this my fault?

Dash: why would you believe everybody but me?

Dash: you felt how for real I was

Lux: I can’t ignore when someone tells me that you laid the exact same thing on them when they were new

Dash: but you can tune me out for as long as no sweat

Lux: You don’t know how I’ve been feeling

Lux: what about hiding from you says that I’m okay?

Dash: you’re acting like I feel zilch 

Lux: That’s how it feels

Dash: I didn’t know it could feel like you’ve got a 2nd 💓 but that’s how I did

Lux: Dash

Dash: nah, don’t name me when you’re trying to shame me in the same breath

Lux: You’re confusing me so much

Dash: I told you about chosen family

Dash: I would’ve about her if we were tight

Lux: Okay

Lux: it’s not that you owed me it’s just weird that you didn’t mention you don’t live here, then I look so dumb when I act as if you do to someone who knows what’s up

Dash: it’s heavy & someone can rap like they’re hip to what the deal is all they want but they’re full of it

Lux: They didn’t say they knew your whole life story or anything

Dash: right on, stories to turn you off & hassle me’s their bag

Lux: If you feel that hassled, I’ll leave you alone

Dash: nah, colour me gone, I’ll bail

Dash: you live here, I’m only a tourist

Lux: Don’t put that on me

Lux: like I haven’t stayed out of your way this whole time

Dash: you’re shining a light on me not being welcome

Lux: You can’t expect everyone to want you like that

Dash: my expectations were I could hang with my da & friends & make new ones without it being how you’re making it sound, like I’m out to shaft everyone for my own kicks, whenever I want

Lux: No one is stopping you from either of those things, no one would

Dash: cos I’m gonna roll up on a bad scene & have a good time, gimme a break

Lux: So you can upset me but I try to have a conversation with you and that’s, like, evil

Dash: what convo?

Dash: you’re jazzed to draw a line under me

Lux: It’s like you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said

Lux: I’ve asked if we can start again, be friends, I’m not going to beg you

Dash: you don’t trust none of mine

Lux: We don’t know each other, you didn’t trust me with your truth

Dash: yeah I did

Lux: didn’t

Dash: I gave you more truth than you could deal with

Lux: No you didn’t

Dash: that’s how it felt watching you leave & stay backed off

Lux: That was about the people who showed up, I told you that

Dash: & now you’re telling me how uncool I am

Lux: We’re just incompatible in that regard, maybe

Lux: you want to be with everyone

Dash: I wanna to be with you

Lux: Not now you don’t

Dash: more now

Dash: you’re so choice, I don’t have one

Lux: Do you think I’m playing hard to get?

Lux: because I’m not, where’s the sense when you know exactly how quickly I gave in to you

Dash: your sweetness soured the whole orchard for me

Dash: yeah I made a move on someone else but kissing them couldn’t go near the rush kissing you gives me

Dash: whenever I 💭 about it I’m lit up 🎇🌌🌟

Lux: Why is it a rush?

Dash: you’re electric

Dash: our chemistry is

Lux: Did you miss me this time?

Dash: you want me to rap what you already know’s my deepest truth?

Lux: I don’t know anything, anything you think or feel

Lux: you’ve been moving onn, with anyone you can

Dash: nah, I can’t 

Dash: you’ve blown my mind & I’ve got a totally different head after

Dash: 💭🧠👀 fresh

Lux: It could be a good thing

Lux: My mind is changing, has to, to be here, move on

Dash: we could be on the journey together

Dash: 🌱 next to each other

Lux: I suppose we will be, you’re here all the time, home or not

Dash: don’t hit me with it like you’re bummed

Lux: I’m not, I promise

Dash: friends?

Lux: It’s a truce

Lux: friends 😌

Dash: groovy cos I’ve something for you

Lux: Really?

Dash: right on, want me to pass it to Hazel?

Lux: You really been talking to her too?

Dash: yeah

Lux: I bet she’s given you a harder time than me

Dash: that’s my karma

Lux: 😏 I wouldn’t go that far

Lux: It was a misunderstanding, more than anything

Dash: beats no idea how you are, like you were giving

Lux: I didn’t think you wanted to know

Dash: you don’t think I care

Lux: Didn’t

Lux: I believe you now, that you want to be friends

Dash: cool

Lux: Cool, he says

Dash: what else?

Dash: I’m not shining you on & you’re finally with that

Lux: You’re cool, I told you before

Dash: 🤞🏽🤞🏽 what I made’s as cool to you when you take 5 to grab it

Lux: Are you sticking around? We could hang, if you want

Dash: if you do

Dash: where?

Lux: You can recommend another place

Lux: this time I swear I won’t assume the worst

Dash: [give her directions again, I’m imagining a stream that’s on the boundary of the plot this commune be on, because that’s a mood even if it’s tiny and there’s barely any running water]

Lux: Okay… I THINK I know where you mean and can get there on my own, see you in 5 🤞😌🤞

Dash: or I’ll look for you in 6

Lux: Good thinking

Dash: keep the faith first

Lux: I’m not directionally challenged, just new

Dash: 🍒

Lux: Kinda sour

Lux: Do they grow here?

Dash: new & kinda perfect

Dash: [tell her everything that everyone is growing here because we all know there’s a massive veg patch as well as the orchard which she’d already have experience of from being and eating here but I’m sure there are also sneaky other overspill corners for other things that she might not]

Lux: The food is fresh

Lux: taste depending on who’s head chef, though

Dash: should’ve grabbed 🥪🍎🍌🍊 my bad

Lux: I can

Dash: didn’t teach you how to 🤹🏼‍♀️ yet but go for it

Lux: Didn’t ask me if I already know either, like

Dash: girls are hip to carrying 👛💄👜👠🔮👑👓🌂💐🛍️🎀🧸🎈🔑📚📱☕️

Lux: Around here, definitely

Dash: & at school

Lux: You’re meant to offer to carry their 📚s

Dash: you dunno I don’t

Lux: Uh-huh 😏

Dash: I’ll carry your 👜👠 back

Dash: or you on mine, whatever

Lux: I’m a professional, I can wear my heels almost anywhere

Lux: tree climbing was even a step too far for me, mind

Dash: wearing ‘em in the water ain’t the move

Lux: We’re going IN the stream?

Dash: you gotta on your first time or she’ll be offended at you

Lux: Who will?

Dash: the water

Lux: Oh

Lux: well, in that case, I better get changed

Dash: I’d’ve been better keeping my mouth shut & throwing you in 😏 

Lux: You think so

Lux: I just finished this, I wouldn’t wanna be your friend if you ruined all my hard work 🐺

Dash: finished what?

Dash: quit holding out on showing me your 🧵🎨

Lux: [send him pics, I’m imagining the type of artsy clothes where it’s made of something recycled that would not withstand water for real, not practical, hardwearing clothing because you do fashion more like that for the art and not everyday lol]

Dash: that’s the most! 

Dash: 🤯🤩

Lux: I needed something to do in my hiding spot

Lux: but the kids wanted to see it today so I put it on

Dash: idk what to say 😍💓  you’re like a serious 👩🏼‍🎨

Lux: That’s a nice thing to say, thank you

Lux: Amber’s daddy lets me do it for an hour a day, whilst he’s doing finger painting with the kiddos

Dash: what hour? I wanna be there to 👀

Lux: One when you’re at school too, man cub

Lux: but I’ll show you my sketches, whenever

Dash: later?

Lux: Sure, if you haven’t tried to drown me

Dash: floating vs drowning, you remember

Lux: Amber wants me to go to school with her

Dash: you down?

Lux: I don’t know

Lux: sometimes I think it might be fun, but my last school wasn’t, the reality of this one probably doesn’t match the ideal in my head either

Dash: sit with it for a sec

Dash: Amber being rash don’t mean you gotta, y’know

Lux: I’m glad she likes me that much

Dash: I like you that much

Lux: I know, you mentioned it too before

Lux: I didn’t realise she was in your year

Dash: establishment won’t let her pass hers

Lux: Makes sense, school hasn’t been the focus, wherever they’ve been

Dash: was it her?

Lux: Huh?

Dash: who ratted on me

Lux: She didn’t rat, she’s the person who asked me if I was okay after though, I almost flattened her on the way in

Dash: she didn’t tell you I don’t live here & all that stuff?

Lux: I said something about it being hard to avoid you, because you lived here, she corrected me

Lux: it’s not snitching

Dash: 🐀  she thinks she’s righteous cos her mama’s taken on this place for a cause

Lux: She does not, her and her mama argue all the time

Dash: I tried to give her a shoulder when she showed up but she didn’t wanna lean long

Lux: I know

Dash: she’s against [the name of the commune] that’s why I took her to my ma’s house

Lux: Makes sense

Dash: didn’t work

Lux: Again, I know

Lux: you’re too young for her

Dash: everyone knows I am now

Lux: You’ll get over it

Dash: I’m ages over it, she’s been around since [whatever month]

Lux: Great to know the time we’ve got left

Dash: take it easy

Dash: timing to see we 👀 at things through different lens is what I meant

Lux: I’m just teasing you

Dash: you do wanna get thrown round

Lux: No I don’t

Lux: you deserved it and more

Dash: you’re my karma, huh?

Lux: Maybe

Lux: though I’ve no doubt Amber not liking you back cuts deep enough on it’s own

Dash: not anymore 

Dash: I’m about new depths with you

Lux: Smooth, very smooth

Dash: I clocked some time 💭 you didn’t like me back

Lux: I was going to try not to

Dash: eats me up

Lux: Don’t, I want to like you

Lux: and I want to like it here, to feel like I belong, make it work

Dash: everybody’s got their arms out for you, just let yourself feel it

Lux: I just want to be me

Dash: you can be whoever you want & take whatever you need from all of us, you’re home, you found it

Lux: I’m not like people where I’m from but what if I’m not like people here either, what’s the next move, what if I run out of places

Dash: your heart’s as open as anyone I’ve met here, that’s all they ask to accept you in

Lux: Then I’ll really try

Dash: 🏡🌞 & 🌚

Lux: You can help me, with the stuff I don’t understand

Dash: you name it 🦊

Lux: 😌🙏

Lux: I’ll start the list

Dash: in your head on your way

Dash: I can’t wait no more

Lux: I already knew you had no patience, I’m on my way

Dash: 👼🏼🙏🏽

Lux: You just want your 🥪🍎🍌🍊

Dash: I wanna give you your 🎁 babe

Lux: I do like 🎁s

Dash: come find me then

Lux: I am!

Lux: You know I had to get changed as well as forage

Dash: I know you can 🏃🏼‍♀️⚡️

Lux: When I need to

Dash: like now

Lux: You need me to

Dash: & you need it too

Lux: We’re not kissing, okay

Dash: 👌🏽 

Dash: we’re still in the same ⛵️ with our same 💓

Lux: Yeah

Lux: I don’t want to lead you on, any more than I want to get hurt

Dash: I’ve got you

Lux: 💓

Dash: as a constant

Lux: I believe that about you

Dash: that’s my girl, you gotta believe

Lux: 😳

Dash: I’m forever gonna be 🤯😳🥵 about you

Lux: I will be about you

Dash: you’re an untouchable part of me now, whatever

Dash: new heights & depths

Lux: Do you like English at school?

Dash: nah

Lux: but you’re so poetic

Dash: if we read about girls like you maybe I’d be into it

Lux: Have you read Orlando?

Dash: who?

Lux: The Virginia Woolf book, it’s about her lover, it’s good, you’d like it

Dash: I’ll go buy it before school, gimme something to do all day, reading it

Lux: There’s even pirates in it

Lux: You can borrow my copy

Dash: you draw your 🎨 in it?

Lux: Of course

Dash: rad, I’ll borrow yours

Lux: You can draw in it too

Dash: 👨🏽‍🎨

Lux: or make notes, whatever feels right

Dash: write you one 💌

Lux: I hope it will make you think of me

Dash: already all I do & my whole 👜🎒

Lux: You make it so hard to hold my resolve

Dash: I only wanna hold you

Lux: I miss something that only happened once like it was my everyday

Dash: it can be

Lux: It can’t

Dash: why?

Lux: Because we want different things

Dash: I want you & you want me

Lux: You want 🍒 over all else, I don’t think I can handle being replaced, maybe jealousy is my bag but, it is what it is

Dash: you’re irreplaceable

Dash: you’re my golden girl

Lux: Do you mean it?

Lux: it’s a nice thing to say but is it just that

Dash: you felt it with me & I’ve said you were different for me

Lux: I can’t stop remembering how it felt

Dash: what happened happens how many times? we can’t let it go like we’ll find it again somewhere else, no biggie

Lux: but there are so many things I don’t know that you do

Lux: and I don’t mean physical things, I don’t know if I like girls like that, I don’t know if I like sharing

Dash: we’ll get answers together

Lux: My need for you scares me

Dash: you’re safe

Lux: You’ll look out for me?

Dash: no falling from no 🌳s cos you’ve got that tie to me

Lux: It’s different with me, with us

Lux: you mean it

Dash: I’ve been ate up by you staying clear of me

Lux: I missed you, so much, thinking it wasn’t real killed me

Dash: it’s unreal

Dash: I rapped to my own ma about you too

Lux: What did you talk about?

Dash: I did 😢 more than speak if we’re keeping things honest

Dash: about blowing it when I finally had a beautiful thing, true believable magic

Lux: I cried over you too

Lux: I want this fixed, to believe it all with you

Dash: our connection is what’s 🍒

Lux: No one has ever told their mammy about me, at least, not in a good way…

Dash: she wants to meet you but I’ve never brought a girl to her like that

Lux: You can sit with it, see if you want it

Dash: sit with me

Lux: Always

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Lush pt.2

Dash: they’re still on you 🩰 from before, I can’t quit playing your vid

Lux: I should be embarrassed but I can’t be, it only makes me want you to see me more

Dash: I’ve gotta while there’s ☀️ light left to 👀 you by

Lux: There’ll be the 🔥 then the 🌟s

Dash: meet me in the orchard for a sec, we can choose our tree

Lux: Now?

Dash: just for 5

Lux: You’ve already upped how long but

Dash: but yeah? you wanna?

Lux: Yes

Dash: I’m off my knees & omw

Lux: Hopefully I know where you mean

Dash: [give her some directions]

Lux: I thought so

Dash: I don’t wanna lose you

Lux: [turn up at these trees after manoeuvring through this messy jungle of a garden, careful or you’ll need a tetanus hun]

Dash: [speaking of, catch this boy casually eating an apple off a pocket knife as he leans against a tree waiting, only to literally cut himself when she appears because he’s so down bad that he’s immediately LOOKING at her instead of what he’s doing, dropping this half eaten fruit because it’s got his blood on it and putting his finger in his mouth, what a greeting]

Lux: [walking over to him with the caution of being OVERWHELMED by how he looks, and actually allowing yourself to look at him, if not make full and consistent eye contact, this giving way to rushing over and cradling his hand, those eldest instincts kicking in, trying to see if this cut is superficial and chill or something to concern ourselves fully with, as I doubt you’re bleeding to death, shaking your head with a small smile ‘no hooks’ like what did I tell you about juggling knives, boy, taking the step back and moving from the contact that circumstances forced into happening that quickly]

Dash: [when you were trying to look so cool and you fumbled it haha, we can all hear his heart BEATING at this hand cradling moment because it’s the first contact she’s initiated, circumstantial or not, hence smiling a bit too big at her joke purely because he’s !! before clearing his throat when she steps back and looking up at the tree he was leaning against because that’s the excuse of why they’re here, then looking at her like okay how about this one? even though we all know he blatantly has a fave that he’d choose and is waiting to see if she will that isn’t this tree]

Lux: [looking up into the canopy too, swallowing back any response to his reaction there because you cannot, walking from trunk to trunk, not entirely sure what you’re meant to be searching for in a tree because you can’t even imagine it, dropping your eyes back down to meet his quizzically for a moment ‘do you tie yourselves in?’]

Dash: [have a lil wander through these trees, him either walking close enough to her that once again their arms brush if there’s space to be side by side or so close behind her that it would be laughable if that was the mood instead of this tension, casually reaching out to touch a random set of initials that someone has carved into one of these trees at some point because he’s thinking he has a knife and he literally could do theirs but he’s not trying to freak her out by being extra af ‘people do, I don’t’ in such a what will be, will be tone, as if, if you’re destined to fall out of a tree then so be it, again feel my Junie eye roll, sir your mother is paralysed don’t be a reckless fool]

Lux: [looking around y’all at floor level, a sigh of relief at there not being all the people around that there was in the living room when you were watching your film, tracing these initials with your finger, following behind his like you were just walking moments ago; raising a brow at this statement because you think that’s ridiculous and will not be chancing a paralysing fall from a height but you don’t need to come for him about it that hard]

Dash: [not noticing her eyebrow raise because he’s too busy being a silly lil monkey boy and climbing up one of these trees, despite it still not being his ideal one, staying on a pretty low branch and reaching a hand down to help her up because it isn’t his ideal tree so we don’t need to climb to the top but he’s just doing the vibe of when you’re looking around a house and you’re not at all interested but you still are nosy anyway] 

Lux: [hoping he doesn’t notice you wiping your hands on your skirt because you’re scared they’ll be clammy when he reaches for them but you do let him help you because it’s practical but you also want the excuse to briefly hold hands, sit down beside him, dangling your legs]

Dash: [gonna say the hand he reached for her with is his dominant one and thus the one he cut his finger on and even though that isn’t deep it’s probably still bleeding/bleeding again with this climb in that annoying way fingers do, so at some point later when she’s gone back inside to carry on getting ready for this bonfire or whatever she can notice that she has some of his blood on her hand, for the peak romance of it all, but anyway, for now look around and incline your head towards some other trees in a check those out, what do you think of them from up here and this new angle kinda way, before he inevitably gets distracted watching her legs dangle because whether or not she’s in her bonfire outfit yet I nevertheless doubt she’s dressed for tree climbing and gotta check her out always]

Lux: [when you can barely bring yourself to look at these trees because you don’t really care but you do think it’s adorable that he does so of course you oblige, smiling to yourself about it as you let your eyes flicker back and forth from him and these trees, swinging your legs up and leaning your back against the bow of this branch, as if testing out what sleeping here would remotely look like but your feet are in his lap because he’s here and there’s not going to be room enough for the two of you to stretch out]

Dash: [this boy could likewise no longer care less suddenly from the moment her feet are in his lap, we can’t lie, LOOKING down at them and shifting as if to get y’all both as comfy as you can be but really you’re just HYPER aware of your own lap rn in that teen boy way like oh no please don’t let my body make it super obvious how into this I am and make this awks, nevertheless can’t help but LOOK over at her and try and make eye contact though despite knowing that would make said awks and said horniness much more likely, it all feels that out of his control rn]

Lux: [actually making eye contact because you said you wanted to and you meant it, the !! noise making you choke practically with your attempt to swallow it down, red-faced again but determined not to run away right now, shuffling forward, putting your feet either side of him, moving into the space between his legs, knees raised, resting your head on one like the cool skin there can calm down your blushing cheeks]

Dash: [it cannot be overstated how much every second of that makes him die because he didn’t expect to actually get the eye contact yet so that’s killing him because immediately feeling a type of way about it and then there’s her noise and her blush and then she’s moving and basically posing looking like art, tis a constant onslaught on this boy’s senses in a way he is not used to AT ALL because he’s usually the one having this effect on people and like she said, it being basically effortless, softly saying her name like he’s trying it out what he thinks of it and if it’s perfect for her or not, much like they are here trying out trees, because the first time he has said it, shamelessly also trying out the effect it’ll have on them both too, ofc, because already we’re so glad that her feet are no longer in his lap, let’s just say that, horniness off the charts]

Lux: [knocking your knees closed reflexively as he says your name for the first time because no one has ever said it like that or in a context even a little like this and that’s short-circuited your brain in this moment, the recognition and how right it feels, pushing yourself up and onto your knees so you are leaning over him, LOOKING down and doing a shaky breath ‘Dash?’ quiet but intense]

Dash: [has 10000% short circuited his own brain as well by saying it and how it made him feel, god bless, nevertheless instinctively and immediately moving towards and putting his arms on her to steady her as she moves, despite what he said about it being up to fate if he falls out of a tree or not, I imagine they’ve naturally found somewhere to rest that’s accidentally on purpose more saucy than the safety of it all requires, like her waist or something, not moving them away though as he LOOKS back at her for what would feel like a thousand years but is defs only a second, but still, SQUEEZING in that second so he’s really holding her in a deliberate way]

Lux: [when you say his name for a second time there is no hesitating question in your tone at all, the comparative loudness making it seem as firm as the way he’s holding you, a moan, instinctively sinking into him and getting as close as you can here, putting your hand at the base of his neck as if it’s just another steadying measure when that’s just a fraction of the reasoning]

Dash: [making such a !! noise about all of that, quietly but you might as well have screamed it for how dramatic it would feel because you can’t stop it from happening and how close y’all are to each other, moving his head so that they are close enough to forehead touch or kiss but not yet because in no world do you wanna rush that even though you blatantly also do, saying her name again, but with a question in it in the way that he’s clearly asking for permission]

Lux: [the concentration it is taking to not crash your face into his immediately, doing tiny pants, tongue slightly poking out with the effort, licking your bottom lip as you nod, swallowing to make your voice come, still hoarse, unavoidably so ‘I want you’]

Dash: [immediately crashing his face into hers the exact way she wanted to a second ago but did not because what a perfect mirroring moment and we love to see it, moaning against her lips almost before they’ve even touched because of how !! he is and how much he wants to, adorably despite feeling feral and literally unavoidably and instinctively PULLING her into him so dramatically with his hands which haven’t moved, trying at the same time to keep this kiss really innocent and soft and chaste because he remembers her saying she’s only done this with 1 other boy before]

Lux: [gasping as you likewise pull him to you, hugging your arms around his shoulders and finding yourself pulled back down so you’re sat between his legs and he’s between yours, god bless you trying but all logical thoughts have gone out the window so we’re really frantically and messily going for this kiss, even if the way we are is clumsy and teeth are knocked together, we aren’t becoming self-conscious yet we’re too in this]

Dash: [we’re all aware that attempt at chivalry is only lasting a nanosecond anyway before he’s abandoning it to match her in doing the absolute most as if y’all aren’t in a tree you could fall out of, letting go off her waist so that his hands are alternating between grabbing her hair and holding her face as if it’s possible to pull her closer and deepen this makeout sesh via either of those when it simply is not]

Lux: [thank god we’re not here to fuck y’all up like that right this second, you’re welcome, losing yourself in this so ridiculously, pulling his tongue into your mouth as far as you can, muffled words that can’t be understood, only in vibe alone, begging him to go deeper]

Dash: [imagine, that would be so rude, however low this branch may be that you’re on rn, I keep thinking that at any moment some peeps could appear to pick fruit or have their own shenanigans and see this, not that either of you can or would care at all atm lol, you’re welcome that we’re likewise letting you live and letting everyone be busy with bonfire prep and meal prep and all the things, anyway, giving her the same muffled nonsense back which if it could be understood would be a running monologue of exactly how he feels rn and about her because he’s so !!]

Lux: [undoubtedly someone will come a running and that will be what breaks y’all apart but we won’t do it this quickly, let you have a full Moment ™ here, making out ferally, not falling from the tree, just]

Dash: [this tension has been building over the course of however many hours and that would feel like forever to you hormonal teens so we gotta let y’all release at least some of it and have the privacy to do that because lord knows the bonfire won’t give you that, there’ll be hippies everywhere, Amber included I’m sure because as much as she’s sick of this her mum would lowkey force her to get involved in everything because she’s that bitch, for now you’re alone and allowed to make the most of that, cue him ferally running his hands over her entire body basically as this makeout continues, GRABBING her everywhere like he’ll fall to his death if he doesn’t]

Lux: [mhmm, and it’ll be a mission to convince you to go to the bonfire once you get quote-unquote caught out here so we’re truly not betting on that here and now, if we were thinking at all and not just following what feels right]

Dash: [mhmm, you’d feel like everyone was talking about you at said bonfire, I don’t blame you gal I would not be going in your place, meanwhile in the here and now I like to imagine that one of these branches are creaking ominously thanks to how feral this makeout sesh has become but it would take it actually breaking to stop him and it isn’t, so]

Lux: [exactly dr phil, it’s a valid paranoia honestly, who can fault you, a paranoia that exists to the point that this creaking has you pulling back, freezing, to assess where the sound came from, when your own movements elicit the same noise, you can laugh for now, pushing back into him, still laughing into the kiss]

Dash: [^^ it would be perfectly valid for a cis teen girl and she has the added fear for not being however much he claims everyone is nice and accepting because yeah hun they are to you, you’re not the target of these jk rowling-que terf lesbians or gross angry straight men, but I digress, join her a breathless hot lol even though it’ll turn into just shamelessly unhinged breathing when she’s kissing him again because that momentary pause was enough to have this fool almost forgetting/downplaying just how !! kissing her is but then he cannot and he’s moving her onto his lap with an unholy noise into her mouth about it]

Lux: [‘miss me?’ intended as a playful joke at his unhinged response but it’s too real and you have to make your own !! sound about it, pressing against him in an undeniable way, just to test it]

Dash: [doing the most insane nose rub of his down the entire length of hers as he emphatically nods in answer to that question because they are that close and lbr kissing again as soon as she’s asked it, doing a ‘yeah’ which is fully a MOAN in answer to the question she asked with that move because he’s so into it and needs her to know as if it wasn’t obvious af]

Lux: [rubbing your cheek against his, like you’re amazed it could get any hotter and he also needs to know RIGHT NOW, alluding to but not directly mentioning or drawing attention to the fact you’d both be able to feel how turned on you are, painfully so at this point, nodding back like your head’ll fall off, moving from cheek to cheek to a dramatic makeout once more]

Dash: [these two both found dead from how turned on they are tbh, which is very possible given how much he cannot keep still in any way in this tree rn, catch him taking a sec to kiss her cheek and all along her jaw and down her neck while she’s nodding, before like my boo said she’s rubbing against his other cheek and they are making out again]

Lux: [I’ll take this chance to be evil and cockblock y’all before you are allowed to get any more carried away, the way these people saw nothing but are now going to see this gal sprinting down from this tree back to the house like a gazelle, like hello??? Lol soz guys but you’ve had your fun]

Dash: [mhmm, we all know where that heading if we didn’t and nobody needs to see y’all doing that up a tree thank you, soz to whoever that gal collides with at some point on her way because peeps everywhere at all times, in every room, doorway and on every step, whoever you are you will be falling like bowling pins bye, catch him calling her name from up this tree with so much !! as if that’ll stop her in her tracks, nope sir it will not, following her down but by the time he has climbed from even that low branch she is long gone because not with it enough to be as immediate as her/really did think calling her name would give him that sec he needed for her to stop and him to slightly recover his senses, me imagining said peeps like oh hi Dash ?? fancy seeing you here lol lol how random so he is also getting waylaid to have a matey convo he isn’t in the mood to have whilst still the most noticeably turned on and flustered anyone has ever been]

Lux: [mortifying, you must have found some hidey-holes by this point and that’s where you’re trying to get to as fast as you can whilst apologising profusely to anyone you run into, RIP]

Dash: [soz huns but we had to do it to you, especially you Dash because you wanna be mr popular, how’s it feel here in this moment when you can’t just run away, hmm? How do you like the taste of them apples as my father would say LOL LOL, we could say Amber is one of the peeps she runs into btw as an in for doing a them convo after this because obvs she’d message like um are you okay sis?]

Lux: [good idea girl]

Dash: don’t flip out

Dash: they only saw me 😍 & 🤯😳🥵

Lux: I nearly ran them over

Dash: you’ve got a bonfire to dress outta sight for 

Dash: it’s chill

Lux: That’s not how it looked

Dash: it’s what I said, I covered you

Lux: Oh my goodness

Dash: you’re a wallflower, [namedropping these peeps like she has any clue who they are or that’s in any way helpful that you’re saying they know she’s shy] know about being new

Lux: This isn’t about being new, or shy

Dash: nah but that’s why they think you bugged out is what I’m laying on you

Lux: They so do not, come on!

Lux: It was too obvious

Dash: they were looking down not up, trust

Dash: they didn’t even 👀 you before your split

Lux: They wouldn’t say if they had

Dash: why you so pressed if they did?

Lux: Are you serious?

Dash: it’s cold you don’t wanna be seen with me

Lux: No, that’s not what it is

Dash: what is it?

Lux: It’s just embarrassing because it is, not because of you

Dash: you 🏃🏼‍♀️⚡️

Lux: I shouldn’t have done that but I shouldn’t have been up the tree with you so it’s the lesser of two evils, I can say I felt sick

Dash: you’re rattled 👌🏽 but it cuts low you’d say kissing me was 👿 & a shouldn’t thing

Lux: Not like that, in a public place, in the middle of the day

Dash: alone in a tree

Lux: Someone could come at any minute, and did

Dash: I’d kiss you anywhere in front of anybody

Lux: You said they saw you 😍 & 🤯😳🥵

Dash: yeah

Dash: I am still

Lux: People aren’t stupid, what do you think they’re thinking

Dash: that I want you & I do

Lux: Why would you not just

Lux: never mind

Dash: nah, finish up

Lux: You knew how ashamed I was by the way I ran off

Dash: right on, they gonna 💭 I’m 😍 & 🤯😳🥵 one sided & you ran from me

Lux: Well, that’s not what I wanted

Dash: you freaked out, cut yourself some slack

Lux: I don’t know, I’m sorry

Dash: accepted, we’re good

Lux: You enjoy the bonfire 

Dash: wait

Dash: you’re not coming?

Lux: I can’t

Dash: for real?

Lux: There’s no way I can see anyone now

Dash: we can just hang alone

Lux: No, you should go, you were looking forward to it

Dash: for you 

Lux: I’m good here, I’ll chill

Dash: I picked a 🌳

Dash: if you change your mind, this’ll help you find me

Dash: [and a pic of his bandana, cos he’d always have one in his hair or around his wrist ofc, around a branch of said tree to claim it]

Lux: See you around, okay?

Dash: later, golden girl

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Lush pt.1

Dash: welcome 👋🏽

Dash: 🤞🏽🤞🏽 you’re digging the scene here 🌱

Lux: Hello, oh, yes, I’m so grateful for the place to stay

Lux: Everyone has been quite welcoming

Dash: I’d’ve rapped at you sooner but I didn’t wanna 🐞🐛 you before you were in the groove

Dash: not my 👜🎒 y’know

Lux: I don’t expect anyone to, I certainly wasn’t thinking you ill-mannered for having not, there are lots of people here I still don’t know the name of

Lux: but you aren’t bugging me, it’s a nice surprise and nice to meet you, virtually, Dash

Dash: I can give the hook up of everyone I’m tight with however you want it

Dash: no biggie 

Lux: I know Hazel, so I know [list her crew of people you would have at least had a convo with including Amber and her dad etc]

Lux: It seems like you know everyone

Dash: right on

Dash: she’s your mama 🐻

Dash: you’re with the freedom riders & I hang with the other dropouts

Lux: She helped me out, even though it wasn’t technically her job, obviously letting me stay here goes beyond

Lux: What do you mean by dropout?

Dash: nah we’re not flakes who’re gone all the time 🚀🪐💫

Dash: means we’re 🏡 here

Lux: I understand

Lux: Home not being where you’re raised, necessarily, that is

Dash: I was born here but 👶🏽 ain’t true for most

Lux: Oh, wow, I didn’t know that

Lux: Who are your parents?

Dash: my da’s Caleb, ma cut out when I was young so you’d not know her

Lux: I’m sorry to hear that

Dash: a downer but she had her reasons 

Lux: People should be there for their kids no matter what

Lux: but they aren’t

Dash: I don’t let her unglue me

Lux: You have to find a way to be you

Dash: you get it 🌷

Lux: And you have your daddy, that’s not nothing

Dash: I’ve a whole family here 

Dash: 👶🏻👧🏼🧒🏽👦🏿👨👩‍🦰👳🏽‍♂️👩🏿‍🦱👴🏼🧓👩🏾‍🦳🐣🐓🐈🌱🍃🍂🍁

Lux: That must be comforting

Dash: it’s far out

Dash: if we were 🟫 only the Ambers would be lucky

Lux: Sorry?

Dash: everyone gets 👶🏻👧🏼🧒🏽👦🏿👨👩‍🦰👳🏽‍♂️👩🏿‍🦱👴🏼🧓👩🏾‍🦳🐣🐓🐈🌱🍃🍂🍁 here & to have a blast

Lux: Oh, right, now I see

Lux: What do you do for fun?

Dash: me or what’s cool about this place?

Lux: I’d been led to believe those would be the same thing

Dash: I can’t take all the credit 

Lux: Less credit, more meaning you seem passionate about this place

Dash: 🏡 sweet 🏡

Lux: You aren’t going to tell me?

Dash: I’ll give a demo, how’s that?

Lux: I’m not sure

Lux: though you’re kind to offer

Dash: you can jet if you don’t feel the passion

Dash: no 💦

Lux: I’m not very confident, if it was awkward, that would be me

Dash: I hang loose

Dash: nothing heavy

Lux: I can tell

Lux: Not everyone is as chill, I fear

Dash: chill with me at the bonfire later

Lux: Really?

Dash: it’s gonna be laid back

Lux: I haven’t talked to anyone our age

Dash: lay it on me til then if you’re feeling uptight about the 💭

Lux: It’s not that I don’t want to, I don’t know what to say

Lux: Everything is heavy, where I’m from

Dash: you don’t have to talk

Dash: there’ll be 🎶🕺🎸🥁🪕🎵💃🌠🎇🎆

Lux: So I’ll just be there?

Dash: if you wanna just 👀 nobody’ll be turned off

Lux: Woah, you’ve made me sound SO creepy! 😰😅

Dash: nah you’re 🍒 & 🦊 

Lux: More slang I’m too lame to know? Oh no

Dash: decoded idk, the meaning’s like, new & hot or shiny & pretty ✨🎀

Lux: No way 😳

Lux: just new, maybe shiny, outfit depending

Dash: yeah way 🐥

Lux: It’s very hard to tell when you’re being serious and when you’re joking, you know

Dash: I don’t joke about 😍

Lux: I remember what boys can be like, remember

Dash: how many boys like me were there where you’re from?

Lux: Fair point

Lux: none that I knew

Dash: welcome to the new 🌎🌍🌏

Lux: Do you go to [the school that Amber goes to]?

Dash: you going? I’ll catch you there 👑

Lux: I get taught here right now, safer, I figured

Lux: but it’s different

Dash: bummer

Dash: school would’ve been way less of a drag with you

Lux: It’s mostly little kids here

Lux: You don’t like school?

Dash: I tune out

Dash: what they try & teach’s lame

Lux: I enjoy learning things, schools, not as much

Dash: I’m learning to make stuff here

Dash: sewing, whittling, cooking, y’know hands on things like that

Lux: I make things too

Lux: Clothes, art

Dash: you 🧵 [an item of clothing he’s seen her wear]?

Lux: Depends if you liked it

Dash: you looked way out

Lux: 😌

Lux: Thank you, I could make you something similar, if you like

Dash: unreal

Lux: I think it could suit you too

Dash: what do you want in trade? I could make you or teach you something

Lux: Whittling sounds cool, I’d like to see how that’s done

Dash: 👌🏽

Lux: When do you want to show me?

Dash: I’ll go look for some wood now & bring my knife tonight

Lux: It’ll take me [however long this garment would, idk but you would is the point] but I’ll start right away

Lux: What colours do you like to wear?

Dash: no discrimination

Lux: 🌈 it is

Dash: but I’ll wear ✨🎀 later for you

Lux: For me?

Dash: yeah

Dash: so you’ll spot me

Lux: Of course

Lux: I wouldn’t say you need the help standing out though

Dash: for you cos I 💭 you’re outta sight then

Lux: Says you

Dash: what do you mean?

Lux: I’ve never seen a boy with hair like yours

Dash: til you got here & laid eyes on ½ the boys

Lux: Yours is still different, it isn’t straight but it isn’t afro hair either

Dash: my ma’s as white as you but 👩🏻‍🦰

Dash: irish as they come

Lux: Is that where you get all the freckles from?

Lux: Well, aside from the sun, obviously

Dash: right on 🌞

Lux: She must be pretty

Dash: I’ll show you a picture

Dash: [scroll and find one from when she was young and lived here, pre-accident obvs, I’m sure you could without having to go home and dig out a literal photograph because the time periods we’re in]

Lux: Oh woah, she is

Dash: I’ve got the same 👃🏽 piercing when school stops forcing me to take it out

Lux: That’s a dumb rule, how’s it getting in the way of you or anyone else learning

Dash: all their rules are, they care about control down to what time you 🚽 & nothing else

Lux: What are your rules? Your personal philosophy

Dash: [I’m not gonna write out all his hippie cliches but we know damn well the kinds of vibe]

Lux: 🌞🌎🌍🌏🌈

Dash: what’s yours?

Lux: I think I’m still working that out

Dash: you could be born here too, I dig that

Lux: Being different makes you have an open mind to everyone else's different, right?

Dash: that’s been my scene

Lux: You’ve been kind to me

Dash: love’s the point

Lux: Who could argue with that particular philosophy

Dash: haters but I’d argue back ✌🏽

Lux: Haters, you’re funny 😅

Dash: knock, knock

Lux: …

Lux: Who’s there?

Dash: honeydew

Lux: honeydew who?

Dash: honeydew you wanna dance at the bonfire?

Lux: Okay

Lux: only because that was an incredible joke, obviously

Dash: 😁

Lux: What kind of music will there be?

Dash: all kinds

Dash: [and then namedrop different peeps who play different instruments and what styles they go for, I’m sure there’s girlies giving full irish folk and lads trying to be rockstars etc etc]

Lux: Do you play?

Dash: want me to play for you?

Lux: I was wondering if you would, at the bonfire

Dash: what music you into?

Lux: [tell him, lord knows I ain’t lmao]

Dash: I’ll play [the easiest song possible from the options she gave lbr because I’m not saying he’s an amazing musician]

Lux: Wow, you really are rolling out the welcome wagon for me

Dash: you really are welcome 🦊

Lux: I’ll have to call you 🐺

Dash: calling us a pack is rad

Lux: Yes, I thought you’d like that

Lux: it does seem rather fitting

Dash: [send her a voice note of you howling and then getting whichever friends you are with/are nearby to join in, turning into lols at the very end]

Lux: Oh my Goodness 🐶 perhaps suits moreso

Dash: nah that was my best 🐺🔊

Lux: Don’t be offended, Mowgli

Dash: [send her you playing a song from the jungle book because just picking up a guitar randomly from wherever you are duh, whichever one would be the easiest idk, but it should probably be bare necessities cos I feel like that’s the only one Mowgli sings on as far as I can remember? Even if you’re only doing the instrumental]

Lux: 😍😍😍

Lux: Are you meant to be giving sneak peeks before tonight?

Dash: idk I felt like you’ve been giving so much

Lux: Most people say I’m closed off

Dash: they gotta be putting their wipe out on you, cos nah

Dash: you’re open to me 🌻

Lux: It’s a learning curve

Lux: I haven’t been me for very long

Dash: jazzed to meet you

Lux: It’s mutual

Dash: it’s a learning curve rapping to someone so 🍒 & 🦊

Lux: No one makes you feel 🍒 I can tell

Dash: I’ve been in this groove for long, my jungle, y’know

Lux: It’s been a while since you had to kill any 🐅s

Dash: yeah, you get it

Lux: And you talk as old as that film

Dash: people say I’m an old soul

Lux: I see it

Dash: I 👀 you living your best, new life here in this brave, new 🌎🌍🌏

Dash: 🦁🐯 & 🐻s

Lux: I’d really, really like that

Dash: 🏡 sweet 🏡 of yours too

Dash: no place like it that film says

Lux: THAT film?

Dash: [send her the wizard of oz clip that’s like lions and tigers and bears, oh my, as you ref-ed above]

Lux: It’s so much more than just a film!

Lux: Shall we watch it so you remember that?

Dash: when?

Lux: Whenever you’re free

Dash: I’m free now

Lux: It’s nearly 2 hours long, won’t the bonfire be happening by then? Or, you’ll be needed to get firewood

Dash: I got some when I found my whittling piece

Dash: but if you’ve gotta get ready

Lux: Do I?

Dash: gimme a twirl 🩰 show me what hip creation you’re wearing today

Lux: [send him a lil self-conscious video]

Dash: you ain’t gotta do zilch 🌟

Dash: split from Hazel & come hog the 📺 with me

Lux: Who else is in there?

Dash: [tell her whoever is because peeps everywhere all the time]

Lux: They’ll all be cool?

Dash: 🧊

Lux: Okay

Dash: 👌🏽 I’m saving you a seat

Lux: Shall I find snacks?

Dash: [send her the song hungry like the wolf as a yes, a clip of them singing that bit lol]

Lux: 🥩 is off the cards

Dash: since I was [an age you’re saying you stopped eating meat even if that’s a barefaced lie, it’s giving toddler or something silly considering you’re not Amber and you don’t have those parents, you probably stole the age from her if anything, which is hilarious cos she’s out here sneakily eating meat and junk food now]

Lux: Committed

Lux: The 🐓🐣 thank you, I’m sure

Dash: lifestyle’s been mine from 👶🏽

Lux: It is pretty easy here

Dash: & the 🐓🐣 are friends of mine too

Lux: Don’t tell them I’m a 🦊

Dash: whole place knows

Lux: I don’t think so, Dash, it’s just you who says it

Dash: they’re all thinking it

Lux: I’d rather everyone was thinking that than the alternatives that seem more plausible 

Dash: they are, trust 

Lux: It’s okay if you’re just being nice, that’s still nice

Lux: You’re a sweet boy

Dash: I know everybody

Dash: you’re in a safe place

Lux: 😌

Dash: 🤗🥰

Lux: I’ve got roped into washing up… bear with

Dash: 🧼🧽 you’ve got 5, Snow White

Lux: You’d offer to help if you were concerned, Dopey 😏

Dash: princesses don’t sit on the floor

Dash: I’m keeping our seats

Lux: Do you have a bed here? 👸🏽 

Dash: I’ve got beds everywhere 🪑🛁🌳🛌🏽

Lux: That’s what I meant, yeah

Lux: I guessed the people who have been here longest had priority though…

Dash: I give mine to the youngest

Lux: That’s good, kids need stability like that

Dash: & elders but they’re rarer here

Lux: Yeah

Lux: I can’t see this being a great place for old people to be

Dash: how long’ve you been crashing with us?

Lux: [however long, probably not long at all is the vibe]

Lux: I’ve been talking to Hazel longer

Dash: she give the tour?

Lux: Sure, showed me all the work that needs to be done

Dash: scope of the sink & dirty dishes, yeah, I heard

Lux: The issues are slightly more than cosmetic 

Dash: issues? 🧦’em to me

Lux: You know, the outside, the stairs could fall through any second, all that stuff

Lux: I don’t mean personal, I’m good, grateful, like I said

Dash: it’s been standing [however long] 

Lux: Sure but nothing lasts without upkeep

Dash: [someone who calls themselves the handyman for this place but clearly doesn’t do fuck all]’s already on that 🔨🧱🧰 trip

Lux: It’s more than a one-man job, how many people live here, come on

Lux: Hazel has lots of plans though, you must know that already

Dash: I know Hazel, sure

Lux: She says the attic could be a whole two bunks, everyone could have beds

Dash: it’d be electric up that high under the 🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌙

Lux: Right?

Dash: a choice room, I’m stoked for you

Lux: Don’t you want a real bed too?

Dash: gonna save me one?

Lux: Well, you’d have to be in the guy’s bunk, obviously but why wouldn’t you get one, yeah

Dash: nah I crash where I fall 🍃

Lux: Oh, okay

Dash: tonight we’re in the orchard

Lux: You’re camping out? Cool

Dash: join if you want

Lux: I couldn’t but thank you for the offer, sure it’ll be awesome

Dash: couldn’t?

Lux: Yeah, you know why

Lux: I need privacy, a trusted person, safety measures

Lux: more than any normal girl

Dash: I’ll be your trusted person

Dash: there’s no plastic on me, I’m being real with you

Lux: Don’t you think that’s a lot to ask someone you’ve just met?

Dash: you’re not in a lot of danger

Lux: You say that like you don’t know what I am

Dash: nobody’s looking to hassle you 

Lux: For now, because I’m being quiet and helpful and keeping to myself and doing everything just so

Lux: that’s how it is, I don’t expect you to get that, any cis person

Dash: nah, they wouldn’t be rattled whatever, ain’t the vibe here

Lux: I can never not be careful, that’s all

Lux: It’s my responsibility, not a judgment on anyone here personally

Dash: you’re used to a bad scene

Lux: Guess we could say that

Dash: it’ll blow your mind when you let it all hang out though

Lux: That’s how it is for you? 🤯

Dash: 🤯✨🌠🎇🎆⚡️☄️🪐🌌💫🌟🌞🌝🌛🌜🌚🌱🌳🍄🌼🌻🌷

Dash: magic

Lux: You believe, don’t you, no bullshit

Dash: no fake 🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♂️🌠🧜🐚🧜🏽‍♂️🧙‍♀️🍄🧙🔮🧝‍♀️

Lux: You’re very lucky

Dash: don’t shut yours down when 🍀 brought you home & us together

Lux: Me and you?

Dash: you & everyone

Lux: Right, totally

Lux: It was entirely by chance, meeting Hazel, that is a kind of 🍀

Dash: right on

Lux: I don’t know why I thought you meant me and you, what a dumb thing to say

Dash: I’m part of it

Dash: one of everyone

Lux: 🌎🌍🌏

Dash: I don’t wanna lay a trip on a girl who just got here

Dash: sweet as she is

Lux: We can be friends

Dash: friends

Lux: 🤝

Lux: I could use all the friends I can get

Dash: beats me why you won’t come to the orchard

Lux: I can come hang, ‘til I need to crash, if that’s okay

Dash: you can crash next to me but I’ll back off & cut you some slack

Lux: Before here, I’d only ever shared a room with my brother

Dash: I’d protect you like a lil sis 

Lux: Do you have any?

Lux: I was oldest, a brother and two sisters

Dash: lost count how many 👶🏽s Caleb has

Dash: [but give it your best guess]?

Lux: WOAH

Lux: That’s insane

Dash: that’s free love

Lux: The pill came with the movement for a reason

Dash: & the babes he scores with are as free to use it

Dash: like Amber must’ve

Lux: What about Amber?

Dash: she’s not showing 🤰🏽

Lux: Are you saying that your dad and Amber… Hazel’s daughter Amber?

Dash: the one & the same

Dash: the Amber

Lux: Your dad is old

Dash: age’s a number

Dash: people want who they want

Lux: Umm, woah

Dash: she made the move

Lux: I don’t think it’s your business to tell me this, I’m sure she doesn’t want everyone talking about it

Dash: we’re talking about the sexual revolution

Lux: No, you’re talking about Amber, for whatever reason

Dash: you know her I didn’t 💭 it’d be news to you

Lux: I don’t know her like that, I only just got here

Dash: 👌🏽 my bad

Lux: Y’all should start the film without me

Dash: don’t be like that

Lux: It’s fine, honestly, the cupboards are super dirty and need organising

Dash: I’ll bring people through with me to help then ✌🏽

Lux: This is really awkward

Dash: I said I was sorry

Lux: You don’t need to be sorry to me

Dash: you don’t need to be off with me but that’s the craic now

Lux: Why would you even bring that up?

Dash: idk 

Dash: like I said, I figured you knew 

Lux: Even if I did, why would we talk about it

Dash: we were rapping about my da, that’s his bag

Lux: That’s really horrible

Dash: I’m not him

Dash: I do my own thing

Lux: No, like, I’m sorry you’re around that

Dash: no 💦

Lux: It can’t feel good

Dash: he can be uncool he ain’t alone 

Lux: Parents shouldn’t be peers, that’s confusing

Dash: takes a village & I’ve got one 

Lux: Nothing can replace the real thing though, can it

Dash: chosen family is real

Lux: But it’ll never be the real one again

Dash: can be better

Lux: I don’t know how that can be true

Dash: bonds are bonds, what’s blood to do with it?

Lux: People back home know me, have known me all my life

Dash: I could know you the rest

Dash: as deep, deeper

Lux: That’s a lot of faith, that anyone will want to

Lux: blood is meant to be indisputable, you can’t help but love your family

Lux: but, here we are

Dash: anyone here would want to, I keep that faith

Lux: I’m scared I don’t belong here either

Dash: I’ve freaked you out

Lux: I’m permanently, it’s really not on you

Dash: take 5 for your cupboards

Dash: it’s been real but got heavy too

Lux: Sorry

Dash: nah, I did it

Lux: I’m heavy

Dash: you’re golden 🐥🌻🍯🌞🌝🌛🌜👼🏼🎇🎺🌟🧚🏼‍♀️⚡️👸🏼📀🔑

Lux: 🐺🕸🦈🐚🪨🐁☄️💨🎤🎧🎼🗿🛸🎡🌁💿📺📻🔩⚙️📡🔦🔭🔬🔗🧷

Lux: you

Dash: what a gas

Lux: You like emojis more than words

Dash: idk what to say sometimes

Lux: pictures say a lot

Dash: & don’t lose it til they’re rapping about downer stuff

Dash: killing the mood

Lux: Forget it happened, seriously, we’re cool

Dash: I’m not cool though

Dash: you make me not

Lux: I think you’re the coolest person I’ve ever met

Dash: 🤯😳🥵

Lux: It makes me wanna never open my mouth again, seriously

Dash: you can’t be serious

Lux: I’ve never heard anyone talk like you

Dash: you must’ve tuned out

Lux: You’re still awesome, no downer changed that

Dash: still friends?

Lux: Definitely

Dash: gonna let me squirrel into the cupboards then? 

Lux: They’re not MINE, so, yes 😳

Dash: but I only wanna help you

Dash: say yes to that

Lux: Yes

Dash: & the rest

Lux: the rest?

Dash: 📺👠🦁 & 🔥💃🏼🕺🏽 & 🌳🍎💤

Lux: Okay, yes x3

Dash: [do come and ‘help’ her with these cupboards even though you’re defs being more of a hindrance and making more mess by messing with stuff instead of cleaning it up]

Lux: [lord knows any attempt is better than the fuck all that has been done here in forever but honestly, at least the shyness this girl is experiencing will mean she is doing double the work for y’all]

Dash: [soz that he’ll make you feel more shy because can’t stop watching her do everything, by which I mean shamelessly checking her out the entire time because he thinks she’s the absolute cutest]

Lux: [very much doing the trying to look at someone without them knowing you are glances because 0 way we are directly meeting your eye right now but we can feel you watching us]

Dash: [we’ll be kind and say he’s looking away sometimes when his interest is piqued by the gross cupboard in some way/he’s attacked by an avalanche of things he then has to pick up etc etc so that she can sneak those glances, probably get a cobweb on you sir those are really sticky and take ages to get off]

Lux: [you can help him deal with that cobweb instinctively, not realising that you’re casually upping proximity and attention like that until you have, flicking your eyes up briefly and doing the smallest smile]

Dash: [the biggest smile back as he’s looking at her with what are essentially heart eyes because can’t not, the kind of laugh you do when you know this is a moment and you’re trying to put her at ease and make the vibes less !!]

Lux: [smile bigger at his smile and then fully grin at his laugh, wiping some of this cobweb onto whatever t-shirt he’s wearing, like you’re playfully pushing him back here but you’re lingering]

Dash: [we all know he’ll be getting this cobweb onto his hand and starting the softest and most flirty playfight of all time like he’s gonna wipe it on her but also like she’s the most delicate beautiful dainty girl and we absolutely can’t and will not play rough about this because gotta validate how she wants to be seen and how we clearly see her]

Lux: [heart eyes yourself as you avoid getting covered in cobwebs in the girliest way imaginable, not quite squealing because you never bring attention to yourself so it’s lowkey like a squeak]

Dash: [1000% live the cliche of getting some dirt off her cheek whether it’s really there or not, simply must because of how his fingers are basically shaking because of how gentle he’s being when he does touch her face and how much he’s holding back when he typically never does]

Lux: [closing your eyes and breathing as shakily because you know how hot your cheeks are gonna feel and you weren’t spring cleaning hard enough for that to remotely be the excuse]

Dash: [STARING at her when her eyes are closed as if she won’t feel it and you can freely be that intense in that aspect at least because whatever dirt has not come off with how lightly he brushed her face but dare not do it more dramatically and so his bright idea is to lick his finger just slightly with the tip of his tongue very quickly and re-do as if that’s any more chill purely because it’s barely wet and he hasn’t fully spat on it in a feral manner, god bless]

Lux: [your eyes SHOOTING open big and wide like he fully just licked your face but you can see his finger and what actually occurred and it’s such a childishly adorable image so you can grin at him again, even if it is a breathless and !! grin in comparison to the former ‘thanks’ as the first thing you’ve said to him out loud, though to call your quiet self-conscious voice loud is misleading]

Dash: [grin back in exactly the same way because it’s infectious and yours has all the !! and mischievousness as if she caught you in the act of doing something way worse ‘it’s chill’ which is misleading because he’s clearly the most not chill he has ever been lol]

Lux: [do that arty thing of framing his face up with your hands, squinting as you line it all up before quickly licking the tip of your thumb and as speedily swiping it across his cheek before he can catch on or stop you, taking several steps back and looking down but with a smile still ‘now we’re even’ like it is now chill even though, yeah, arguable lol]

Dash: [when you’d literally be able to see on his face, after the shock and playful oi! expression has hit and he’s grinning again, that he’s remembering she said she makes art, like yeah okay that tracks, his smile becoming more of a genuine one to mirror that as opposed to his wide grin a sec ago, giving that he’s thinking and wondering about said art as he nods to being even, technically, and then has to run a hand through his hair because it’s in his eyes and in his way] 

Lux: [shaking your head like he’s trying to show off his hair when you’ve already complimented him for it, carrying on with this cleaning/organising task but we’re noticeably less concerned with the task, completing it to a that-will-do level so you can look at him expectantly because was going to watch the film after]

Dash: [gonna say that he very half-heartedly also goes back to this cleaning task, blowing his hair out of his face as if he’s so hard done by and overworked which simply isn’t true because as she’s looking at him expectantly because she’s done he’s messing with a different cupboard and eventually opens it properly, I imagine to get out movie snacks more than to clean lbr, after ages just pissing about swinging the door open and shut, to find there are ants everywhere because ofc there are with all the open food just lying about and so instead of whatever he was gonna say in reply he pulls her behind and into him SO protectively as if these ants were gonna fly at her face and attack her and then pulls her away to the living room like omg we g2g, lowkey running away because it’s such a vibe to flee the scene romantically but also typical irresponsible him]

Lux: [thanks for giving her no time to react because not only would she scream too loudly for her liking but she’d also actually want to deal with this problem that should not just be left, trying to vocalise as much as y’all are running but you’re half laughing half out of breath more from the shock than the running, same for the permanently pink cheeks]

Dash: [sadly y’all don’t have far to run so pull her into the living room, laughing with her and grinning, obvs, but because you’ve lost your saved seats with all these cupboard shenanigans you can enjoy another cliche of having to sit somewhere together that isn’t quite big enough for you both and leaves you in such ridiculously close proximity with all the accidental knee and thigh and arm touching moments etc etc during this film, whether you’re in a beanbag or loveseat or a literal shared seat, whatever]

Lux: [shrugging your oops, sorry at him wordlessly, scrunching your face up in sympathy as if he was always the princess who could not sit on the floor because where’s the lie there, at least it’s not a long old film because you’d be DEAD if you had to sit here that long with all this closeness you’re acting like you don’t notice but clearly do because the hair on your arms is standing up and you have goosebumps all over whenever your bodies accidentally make contact, snack bag hand touch cliches to boot, why not]

Dash: [gotta shrug back as if you’re unphased and don’t mind because clearly or you’d move and sit on the floor to give her the full seat to herself but he is not that gentleman and he’s LIVING for every accidental touch, as am I because I gotta give this gal all the romcom cliches I can while I can to make up for this boy being a flop in so many ways lol, likewise acting like he is just watching this film unaffected but we all know he’s shifting in this seat to make more accidental touches happen, bonus points if it is a beanbag type thing because literally every time he moves she’d lowkey fall into him, and he’s sporadically also moving his hair out of his eyes like he did earlier as if he can’t see otherwise but that’s the same ploy, I’m sure at least a strand of it has fallen onto her somewhere accidentally on purpose because long hair is notorious for that]

Lux: [it’s cruel of us because you are thinking this is a romcom and then you’ll find out it is not and feel like a massive fool who made it all up but you know, tis the point, I’m afraid so be here having all your Moments ™ and developing a bigger crush on him by the second, it’s fine hahah]

Dash: [we are rude, especially because I know there will come a point (idk when because I haven’t seen the film) when the snacks run out and his attention span goes (even though this is a film he probably likes, he’s just that bitch) and he’s looking at her more than he is the screen, soz gal]

Lux: [me like Judy didn’t get abused for this lmao but you’ll just think it’s romantic, obviously, back to peeping at him almost like it’s a game but it isn’t, you’re truly that shy about it all, pulling this strand of hair off your clothes and tying it in a bow and untying it to do it again, repeatedly, assuming he isn’t truly paying THAT much attention to you that he’ll notice that but he clearly will hun]

Dash: [me likewise offended like just watch the film sir please but he isn’t because he’s gotta watch her do that not at all subtly and then use the v flimsy excuse of sharing some blatantly obvious piece of trivia about this film that she 10000% already knows because she’s obvs a fan and I’m talking OBVIOUS trivia here, insert my personal Junie eyeroll, to lean in and whisper in her ear, to get that close to her and tuck a strand of her own hair behind her ear, and for no other reason because there’s 0 need to whisper for anyone else’s benefit, I imagine there’s chaos surrounding y’all in this room]

Lux: [jolting back an inch or so, hair falling fully in front of her eyes, shaking your head to shake it back into place and to shh him, with wide eyes like everyone else in this room is a. Silent and b. Paying any attention to what is on this TV right now, god bless]

Dash: [giving her such an oh you look and smile, so affectionately because she’s adorable, before half-heartedly turning his attention back to the tv again his hippo self like okay I’ll be good, but within minutes this boy is here FIDGETING again on this seat even more than before, cannot keep still soz, meaning all the touches again]

Lux: [when you can’t even be mad, mainly because you’re crushing on him lbr but also because it’s not as if you’ve been able to pay any real attention to the film so you get how much harder that makes it to tune back in when you were never really there in the first place ‘you don’t have to watch this’ practically mouthed you whispered it so quietly but facing him so he’ll be able to get the gist, pulling the corner of your mouth in on itself with your canine teeth awkwardly, as if you really forced him to in the first place]

Dash: [shamelessly pretending like he did not get the gist purely as an excuse to put his ear practically against her lips like go ahead, we see you sir, we see you]

Lux: [making the near cartoonish GULP sound, suddenly SO self-conscious of even breathing never mind saying words when his ear is that close to your lips, hence it takes you a while, the cogs clearly whirring in your head for the simplest of sentences ‘we don’t have to finish watching’]

Dash: [we ALL know he’s enjoying how long this takes and the blatant effect everything he does has on her, mhmm, hence staying ridiculously close when he mouths ‘I’m hip to how it ends but that’s the grooviest part’ translation, I know how it ends but we gotta see it through because the ending slaps, whether it does or not or he’s just saying that for the cliche of giving her her own happy romcom/disney ending I’ll let you decide, I know damn well what I think the answer is]

Lux: [honestly this ending right now is going to be really upsetting in ways you haven’t thought about until you are now thinking about it like oh fuuuuuuuuuck, there’s no place like home?! How could we do this to her, honestly accidentally because you were just thinking about the technicolour of it all but now you’re like oh I don’t actually want to be sat here with these random people experiencing those kinds of emotions; run girl, some excuse of going to the bathroom thrown quietly but carelessly over your shoulder to Dash as you bolt for the exit]

Dash: wanna be followed or backed off of?

Lux: Sorry, I just realised how heavy that was going to be

Lux: I’m cool, I’m just taking some quiet, we’re good

Dash: not 🧠 surgery why you split 

Dash: but take 5 more & I’ll hit you up later

Lux: I’m really sorry, I was having a nice time with you

Dash: there’ll be others

Lux: I’m not like…

Lux: a total wreck

Dash: you’re not in the zone yet either though

Lux: yeah, it’s fresh

Dash: 🌱

Dash: don’t grab for 🌈 cos you’re colouring me gone without 🌷🌹🌼🌻 I’m around

Lux: You’re so cool

Dash: you’ve given me time to find the threads & ✨🎀 to be

Lux: You saved me from bug bites, that could make us equal

Dash: 🐜🐜🐜🐜

Dash: they dig you too, I get it, but I’ve never had to be jealous of no ants before, be a trip

Lux: They dig all the crumbs 🍯 talker

Dash: they’d score a bigger rush from you

Lux: Where’d you learn all this?

Dash: all ??

Lux: You know what

Dash: I know I’m not scamming

Lux: I didn’t accuse you of that

Lux: this is just how you are, all the time

Dash: I don’t meet girls like you all the time

Lux: I see

Dash: you feel it

Lux: I don’t know what this is

Dash: chemistry

Lux: What are you? 

Lux: 🤦‍♀️ like, how do you identify

Dash: what you 👀 is who I am

Lux: It’s okay if you don’t know

Dash: I’m with it

Lux: You’re so vague sometimes

Dash: idk what you’re asking

Lux: If you’re straight or gay or something between

Dash: labels are your 👜🎒 huh?

Lux: Labels keep people like me safe

Dash: hurting you ain’t my action

Dash: but if you need somewhere to put me ~

Lux: Alright, that’s all I was asking

Dash: I’m about the energy, if we vibe 

Dash: 🐥 or 🐈 or whatever, all the animals

Lux: Cool

Dash: yours is

Lux: I’m the least cool person to exist, I’m pretty sure

Dash: nah you’re the most

Lux: I do not feel it now

Dash: bonfire’s a reset, we’ll meet again

Lux: You think I’ll just click into place this time?

Dash: being in the same place’s enough for me

Lux: There’s lots else to do and see

Dash: yeah

Lux: Everyone here is so interesting to look at

Dash: you’re still the most

Lux: Do you have a partner right now?

Dash: I love the words you rap with

Lux: If I’d said boyfriend/girlfriend you’d say oh so the binary is your bag

Dash: the binary is your bag 🦊

Lux: It sounds very accusing 🐺

Dash: nah, I’m hip to that, I’m a boy 💙

Lux: It’s not like I’m phobic

Lux: that would be ridiculous, I’m just a girl and I’ve only ever liked boys before

Dash: I’ve only ever been a boy, it’s cool if you like me

Lux: We’re friends, we already decided that

Dash: just friends?

Lux: Friends means I like you

Dash: 👌🏽

Lux: And you like me?

Dash: before I scoped you out in the kitchen even

Lux: That’s the look

Lux: but I guess we don’t know each other much better than yet

Dash: I wanna get to

Lux: I would like that too

Dash: we’ll be tight by the AM

Lux: Can you see the 🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌙 through the 🌳s?

Dash: I’ll show you everything there’s to 👀 through the 🌳s

Lux: I’m looking forward to it

Dash: new heights

Dash: & branches’ll be more laid back to share than [wherever they were sat]

Lux: You won’t rock me out this time?

Dash: I didn’t that time

Lux: Felt like you were trying to

Dash: beats me how anybody wouldn’t be amped up to move closer to you

Lux: You’re 🐒

Dash: I feel it

Dash: 🐒 like outta control

Lux: You’re completely in control though

Dash: tell my 💓

Lux: Woah

Dash: can’t blow your mind you’re a babe

Lux: Shh, you’re ridiculous

Dash: cut me some slack I’m 😍

Lux: I’ve never seen eyes like yours

Dash: that why you can’t look in ‘em?

Lux: Only partly

Dash: no biggie, I’ll look into yours til you’re there

Lux: I don’t know how to be like you

Dash: keep being yourself

Lux: I’ve only kissed one boy

Dash: kissing [however many, I honestly dread to think because that’s mostly what you’ve been doing at this age, kissing and touching] girls don’t mean I wouldn’t be 🤯😳🥵 to kiss you

Dash: that’s fresh

Lux: What if I mess that up too?

Dash: we’d try it again, unless you didn’t wanna

Lux: I’d want to hide under a rock, may have to run away, again

Dash: gotta climb down a 🌳 to jet

Lux: You’ve made it sound like a plan

Dash: cos I can’t quit 💭 about kissing you

Lux: Aren’t other people going to be there?

Dash: not in our 🌳 

Lux: No one will see?

Dash: I’ll 🐒 so you’re covered, if we’re spied on they’ll only see me

Dash: & ⭐️🌙⭐️

Lux: I will have to think about it more 

Lux: but that means you can keep thinking about it too

Dash: 💭🐥🌻🍯🌞🌝🌛🌜👼🏼🎇🎺🌟🧚🏼‍♀️⚡️👸🏼📀🔑💭

Dash: you’re a song playing on repeat in my head

Lux: It would sound like I was just copying the movie to say everything else looks 🖤🤍 right now but…

Dash: it’s the mood

Lux: What kind of thing will people be wearing to the bonfire?

Dash: 🧚🏼‍♀️🪐🩳🧙‍♀️🩰🌻👗👖👼🏽👒🩱👠👑🌌👩🏼‍🎤🥻👸🏾👚🌼👙🦚🦋👢🌈🧜🏻‍♀️🦄🌷✨

Dash: free expression

Lux: 💭🤔

Dash: bring technicolour back

Lux: Oz over Kansas

Dash: be where you are

Lux: It’s another vague brief but I’ll see what I can do

Dash: you’ve got this 👩🏼‍🎨🧵

Lux: I don’t want to be overdressed but it sounds like that’s not possible

Dash: [send her a selfie of you dressing up in as much of those emoji vibes as possible, like a kid raiding a dressing up box and putting on everything lol, not as your finished lewk which we know is gonna be pink and girlie but just for funsies]

Lux: Where did you find all that?

Lux: ✨ the kids will be so mad at you 😅

Dash: [a video of this rabble of kids loling and helping him get dressed in all this and also getting dressed up themselves cos they are clearly his silly besties and have been helping him]

Lux: Sweet 🍧🍨🍦🧁🍰🍭🍬🍫🍩🍪🍯

Dash: how old’s your brother & sisters?

Dash: if the question’s not a drag

Lux: [so we have a sister that is closest in age, giving a year, 18 months apart, then your other sister is giving 3 or 4 years younger than you and then your brother is the youngest probably 5 to 6 years younger]

Dash: were you tight, y’know, before?

Lux: Perfect family, yeah, 2 of each

Lux: I messed up the ratio, the image

Dash: nah 3:1

Dash: & they’ve still got their 💙

Lux: That isn’t how it went

Dash: that bummer’s why you’re here

Lux: For now

Dash: now’s good

Lux: Now is where you always focus, no need to say

Dash: now’s where we met

Lux: No moment is guaranteed, I know

Dash: tonight’s guaranteed far out, trust

Lux: Is Amber coming?

Dash: search me

Lux: Oh, well

Dash: we’ll have a blast

Dash: Amber or no Amber

Lux: Of course, she’s the only other kid our age I vaguely know, that’s why I asked it

Dash: I’ll hook you up with intros, I said so

Lux: I’m nervous

Dash: they’ll dig you & I’ll protect you, like the 🐜s

Lux: What if they want to bite me too?

Dash: that’d eat at me

Dash: but you’re a catch, best thing since 🍞

Lux: Not how I meant it and you know it 😳

Lux: but you’re popular, if I’m with you, people should be pleasant

Dash: 🤴🏽👸🏼

Lux: Hmm, let’s not get carried away…

Dash: I’m not full of it, you’ve got the 👸🏼 look

Lux: That would be quite the costume choice

Dash: you’d be choice in a 👑 babe

Lux: You’ve got all the dressing up on your body, last I saw

Dash: I’ll take it off for you

Lux: You’re terrible! 

Dash: [send her a pic of this crown wherever you’ve left it]

Lux: 🗺 ✖

Dash: 🏴‍☠️🧭

Lux: That seems more legit for you, yes

Dash: you’re a trip

Lux: You’re a pirate

Dash: 🦜 would be a killer pet, I’d dig it

Lux: You could teach it all your old man talk

Dash: old man’s boyfriend in my talk

Dash: 🦜 making a move on you’d be worse 💔 than 🐜s, real uncool of a friend

Lux: It could only mimic what you teach 

Lux: maybe someone can train the ants 🎪

Dash: I can 🤹🏽‍♂️

Lux: Can you do it with 🗡s?

Dash: find [however many he’d need to juggle idk] & I’ll give it a shot

Lux: Someone’d lose an eye before you lost a finger, probably

Dash: you want a pirate, hook hand’s the deal

Lux: When did I say I wanted a pirate? 😏

Dash: when you said 👌🏽 x 3 📺👠🦁 & 🔥💃🏼🕺🏽 & 🌳🍎💤

Lux: Is okay the same as wanting

Dash: don’t you want me?

Lux: You can’t just ask that

Dash: why?

Lux: Okay, you can’t ask and expect an answer

Lux: that’s too much

Dash: that’s an answer

Lux: I can’t be like you, the people you’ve kissed before

Dash: I’m not asking you to be like nobody else

Lux: You are, free, easygoing

Lux: I’ve never been that, wouldn’t know how

Dash: you know we’ve got something

Lux: I know what you look like

Dash: hang a mirror in the attic when Hazel gives the go ahead

Lux: Everything about you is effortless

Dash: everything about you’s more electric than 🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌙

Lux: I want to look in your eyes

Dash: yours are like jumping into a river

Lux: Feeling like I could drown is exactly how it feels

Dash: floating ain’t drowning, that’s how I want you to feel

Lux: like in your song, Mowgli

Dash: like I’ve got you & 0’s too deep

Lux: You’re a good friend, I think

Lux: I only had the couple, none now

Dash: pick a number & that’s how many you can have here

Lux: 🤞

Dash: it’s in motion

Dash: first me, then everyone

Lux: First you

Dash: let me stay high for a sec before you cut me low for the others

Lux: Do you think that’s what I’ll do?

Dash: there’s loads of 🐥 & 🐈s doing beautiful things

Lux: Aren’t you too

Dash: I help keep things running smooth but idk if it’s more than that

Lux: If that’s what you want to do, what makes you happy

Dash: the way I was travelling through before today was a straight line but you’ve got me twisted

Lux: I don’t want to 🌀 you

Dash: I’m bent like 🌱🌿🌹🌼🌻🌷 to your ☀️

Lux: Woah, wow 🥺

Lux: You could be a poet

Dash: I know you’re poetry in motion & we ain’t even danced yet

Lux: Will you cover me again?

Dash: totally

Lux: I can’t handle anyone else’s eyes on me if yours are

Dash: beats me how you’re gonna make friends cos my eyes won’t go nowhere else now

[deathdoesntkillyou]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Ruster pt.2

Buster: It would be seriously cruel of me to wait until we’re alone to touch you when we’ve talked about what everyone knowing you’re mine means to you and how closely you want to be kept

Buster: whilst we’re sitting with my parents, I’ll make sure we’re no more than [the length of his longest finger like when he told her his dick measurement because again just saying he’ll be inside her all the time, this time via fingering under the table] inches apart at the most

Buster: [and then because he is a big nerd doing some maths of his own about it, here measuring the exact length of every finger he is gonna use and adding them together and finding an average or something idk, you know what I mean, it’s shamelessly an excuse to give her all the reminders of earlier and how he’s gonna touch her when he finally can but writing it down as a sum with all his working out and everything so she can follow his thinking exactly]

Rio: 😳😳😳 I feel so

Rio: Why would you do this to me?

Rio: I can barely be quiet here alone, and you think I can in front of your parents, fuck 😿

Buster: What do I always say? Practice makes perfect, baby

Buster: if you can do it now, you’ll be able to do it then

Rio: I’ll need to

Rio: [whatever lesson you’re in] is as deadly silent as it is boring

Buster: Think about the length of my tongue and how it’ll feel inside of you when we’re finally alone and you’re lying on top of the same table

Rio: You can’t think about anything else 

Buster: It’s an obsession

Rio: Yours

Buster: Mine

Rio: My hands should be in your hair right now, that’s mine, how unfairly beautiful you are

Buster: We’ll share each others once they’ve been allowed to happen

Rio: I want to share everything with you

Buster: You know I won’t hesitate to give you everything you want

Rio: I know

Rio: The issue is knowing when to stop asking

Buster: That’s simple, don’t ever stop

Rio: You say that now

Buster: I’m not going to change my mind

Rio: I’m scared that you will

Buster: Well, I’ll prove to you that isn’t true

Rio: You don’t have to

Rio: There has to be space for either of us to change our minds

Buster: Not about something that fundamental, I’d become a different person

Rio: Aren’t you scared?

Buster: There’s nothing to be scared of, if something goes wrong again, I’ll find a solution, that’s what I do

Rio: Basically every example you gave had things go wrong, for years at a time sometimes

Rio: I don’t know if I can handle it, letting you go

Buster: We aren’t letting each other go, no matter what

Rio: Do you mean it

Rio: will you mean it when you’re in America? [however many miles it is] away from me?

Buster: If I go to America, you can hold me to it even harder because I’ll mean it more

Rio: I don’t want to be crazy but I feel it

Buster: What you are is in love

Rio: I know 

Rio: I know because nothing else is registering, this lesson, what’s being said by my friends, or by everyone else, even

Buster: I can’t concentrate either, and you know how unlike me that is

Rio: Do you want to? 

Rio: I’ll find a way to resist messaging you until your next break

Buster: No, I want to focus on you until you’re here with me and I really can

Rio: You have changed

Buster: I haven’t, you just didn’t know how much time or attention I devoted to you before 

Rio: Well, I do think it’s pretty rude of you not to have told me

Buster: I told you as soon as I could

Rio: Just saying, there’s so much time to be made up for

Buster: Yeah, I’ve said it too

Rio: This half-term is a start

Buster: Tell me how long we have again

Rio: [do in every measurement of time you can break it into]

Buster: You’re incredible

Rio: I want you for [and pop off with infinity maths nerdiness, you know the vibe because forever]

Rio: All your seconds

Buster: They’re all yours

Rio: You are

Buster: I am

Rio: No one else's

Buster: I wouldn’t dare and couldn’t be dared

Rio: You can’t want anyone else, it’s impossible

Buster: I never have, not for a second

Rio: Neither have I, never will

Buster: You’re all I want, I’ll keep repeating myself until you’re not scared

Rio: All I’m scared of is that one day not being true

Rio: I could never be scared of this, it’s so mutual, this want

Buster: You still believe I’ll get bored of you, could fall out of this, but that’s impossible, you said it yourself

Rio: I know that life can throw things out that we can’t expect to see coming at our age

Buster: Life already did and we’re closer not further apart

Rio: And I hope that’s what happens every time

Buster: Share my faith that it will, you want us to share everything

Rio: My nan would love you

Rio: but okay, I will

Buster: Good

Buster: because I love you

Rio: I love you, Buster

Buster: And I miss you so much

Rio: I know, but I like missing you with you much more than missing you alone

Buster: Me too, even though shared means it should be halved, but in fact it feels doubled, if anything

Rio: We’re finally acknowledging it, before, we could lie to each other, everyone else, it at least works partially on ourselves too

Buster: We let ourselves properly feel this, no holds barred

Rio: Missing you still feels better than the alternative of ignoring you, a hundred times over

Buster: No going back, you could barely ignore me before, you’d have no hope now

Rio: Um, you were actively trying to get my attention, excuse you

Buster: I always will be, including in the hypothetical rewind

Rio: You’re pretty worthy of attention, honestly

Buster: Thankfully, as I badly need yours

Rio: You’ve had it all your life, who else can say that’s true

Buster: A hundred lives wouldn’t be enough

Rio: You’re being poetic again, I already need you

Buster: I can’t help how true it is

Rio: I’ll be yours in every lifetime, I promise

Buster: If you’re as flawless in every one as you are in this, you have to

Rio: I’ll find you

Rio: we’re born to always be connected, however that happens to be, I believe that

Buster: So do I, I’d fight for you

Rio: You already are, against what everyone wants

Buster: I don’t regret anything, remember that

Rio: I’d do it all again, no matter what

Buster: We will, every life, like you promised

Rio: Even if we were twins, you’re my soulmate before you’re anything else

Buster: I wish could swap you for her, for longer than [however long they have]

Rio: Me too, I used to be so jealous of how close I thought you were, ‘til I quickly realised you weren’t

Buster: It took me ages after we moved here to rid myself of that association, everyone assumed we were

Rio: It’s usually not the case, the girls aren’t

Rio: we would be but we’re special

Buster: Ours would, they’d be special as well

Rio: They’d learn from the best

Rio: we’d all be the closest

Buster: We’d all be perfect

Rio: I need to give you so many babies

Rio: the most perfect family

Buster: I need to give them to you

Rio: Waiting will be sweet agony

Buster: We’ll practise a lot

Rio: It’s necessary 

Buster: We want to do it right, after all

Rio: Perfect, like you said

Buster: I like our odds

Rio: Me too

Rio: I just understand why everyone struggled to wait before us

Buster: What you said about things not being easy but being doable for us nevertheless applies here, yeah

Rio: We’ve waited this long for this part, there’s no rushing

Buster: I’d hate to, you should be savoured, every part of this with you

Rio: We’ll learn how together

Buster: You’re the only person who’s managed to teach me some patience thus far 

Rio: I’ll take it 🤓

Buster: You’re supposed to tell me what I’ve taught you

Rio: Oh, hmm

Rio: You might have to wait a minute 

Buster: I see, you’re testing what I said a minute ago

Rio: That and the list would take me too long to write, obviously

Buster: You’re obviously not writing what you’re meant to be, go ahead

Rio: Of course you want it unabridged 

Buster: I’ll wait

Rio: Now you’re being kinda hot

Rio: definitely hotter than [your actual teacher right now lol]

Buster: That’s definitely the most backhanded compliment you’ve ever paid me

Rio: You don’t know, maybe [teacher] is extremely attractive but still no match for you

Buster: Are they?

Rio: No, sadly not but the sentiment is still there

Buster: Don’t be too sad about it or I’ll get jealous and possessive as my sentiments

Rio: How terrible

Buster: For [this poor teacher lol]

Rio: 😍

Buster: Future lawyers know better than to incriminate themselves, but you know me, use your imagination

Rio: You know me and my imagination

Buster: Intimately 

Rio: You’ve taught me what that actually feels like

Rio: not forced and pretend

Buster: I’d put that pretty high on my own list of things you’ve taught me, maybe at the very top

Rio: It’s a good one

Rio: I feel different for knowing, but in a good way

Buster: We’re only changing in the best ways

Rio: Promise that’s true?

Buster: Worse isn’t an option, ever

Rio: It could be, so easily

Buster: I swear, I won’t let it be

Rio: Thanks

Buster: You don’t need to thank me, babe, you’re doing the same for me

Rio: I feel closer to the edge of complete fucking mess than you, babe but

Rio: Yeah, of course I swear too

Buster: Right now, but as you’ve pointed out plenty of times, we can’t be completely sure what the future holds, my turn could be coming next

Buster: and as I’ve pointed out, I need you regardless

Rio: But I only want you to think I’m incredible 

Rio: I only want to be perfect for you

Buster: Which is what I do think, Rio

Buster: you’re the furthest from being a mess, you’re holding it together when many others in your position would’ve folded and given up

Buster: you’re such a strong and resilient person, I want you to realise that

Rio: I wish I felt that, felt strong

Rio: if anyone could make me, it would be you 

Rio: I just don’t know if it’s possible right now

Buster: It’s okay, trust me, that I know you and I see things in you that you don’t, it’s something else you already do for me and can be mutual for us

Rio: I see you, you see me, that’s true, always has been

Rio: I somehow feel exposed and invisible to everyone here now, my name is only brought up with theirs 

Buster: In London everyone’ll be staring at you for the right reasons, all they’ll know is how beautiful you are, maybe they’ll be wondering where they’ve seen you, but that’s because your likeness belongs in a gallery on a wall or as a statue

Buster: and they’ll only hear your name the way I say it

Rio: Even your compliments are refined

Rio: How do you come up with this stuff?

Buster: It comes from you, I’m stating the facts, that’s all

Rio: You’re my favourite nerd

Buster: I’ll take it

Rio: You’ve heard the rest

Buster: Have I?

Rio: Okay, not everything but haven’t I complimented you a lot in the past [however many hours you’ve been together]?

Buster: You do the maths, you’re very good at it

Rio: I’m hearing no amount of compliments is enough for you, I understand

Buster: Other people can stop, but not you

Rio: I can’t stop

Buster: Don’t

Rio: I never will

Buster: Promise

Rio: You deserve constant praise, I mean that and swear to treat you exactly how I should for our whole lives

Buster: I really hope you put that in your bath vows

Rio: As you like it, of course

Rio: I’ll make a shortlist instead of doing [whatever lesson you’re in]

Buster: I’ll write mine in the margins of [whatever expensive af textbook you have for your lesson because love to put things in books clearly we remember that with the childhood photo]

Rio: I’ll get to spend even more time in your mind

Buster: Even [whichever lesson you hate the most] will be bearable

Rio: The time is going to fly by

Buster: And soon you’ll be flying to me

Rio: It seems crazy that everyone thinks it’s such a good idea, that I’m allowed

Buster: Of course they do, it is such a good idea

Rio: As far as they’re aware, sure

Buster: As far as we’re concerned too though

Rio: We’ve got the full picture

Buster: So do they, like I’ve said before, they see what they want to

Rio: It is obvious I’m not going for Nance right now

Buster: You should hate her, from a POV as detached as theirs that’s apparent

Rio: Hate might be strong but her lack of tact is known, before this even, it’s not a reach to imagine how she’s being

Buster: Going to her birthday party as though she isn’t tactless and self-centred would be more inappropriate than anything we’re going to do

Rio: I hope not, like

Buster: You know what I mean, nothing about this is a mistake and that would be

Rio: You want me to say how right it is

Buster: You have, but I’m not opposed to hearing it again, obviously

Rio: Nothing or nobody else makes sense for me, we’re a perfect match

Buster: Perfect isn’t the word, we do need a stronger one

Rio: Soulmates

Buster: Yeah

Rio: We need a stronger word than yeah, definitely

Buster: Well, that depends how I’m saying it

Rio: Go on then

Buster: [do such an indecent voice note about this, I hope you’ve gone somewhere where there isn’t a class full of peeps in earshot, knowing you probably the corridor outside of it because you have no patience or chill lol]

Rio: 😍😍😍

Rio: IOU a truth or dare

Buster: Save yours for the plane

Rio: Don’t forget

Rio: You do need to keep me entertained the entire hour and 25

Buster: You could nap, you owe me one of those, remember

Rio: Now?

Buster: I was thinking to kill 25 minutes of the flight, but I suppose you have more time to kill now

Rio: Why do you want me to nap so bad?

Buster: You hardly slept

Rio: I’ve had worse nights sleep

Rio: I promise I’m fine

Buster: Not since you’ve been my girlfriend

Rio: You’re the most loving

Buster: I’m responsible for looking after you

Rio: When am I meant to stop getting turned on by it? Because I never want to

Buster: Also never

Rio: Even when you’re a real daddy?

Buster: Especially then

Rio: I’ll only share you with our kids

Buster: I’ll only make you share with them

Rio: Mine first

Buster: And always

Rio: Did you keep my picture as your background?

Buster: [show her that you have because ofc you have]

Rio: The idea of that being seen over your shoulder 🥴

Buster: I’m looking forward to hearing your ideas about the photos we can take together

Rio: We need some updated ones, to go with [your fave childhood ones you’ve mentioned]

Buster: That’s a nice thought, recreating that one when I’m back in Dublin for your birthday

Rio: We have to

Buster: Don’t worry, I’ve made a mental note 

Rio: I’ll recreate my outfit

Buster: Your mum probably still has it stored somewhere

Rio: God, probably…

Buster: Whereas, mine definitely doesn’t

Rio: I bet you still have something near identical in your big size though

Rio: you haven’t changed

Buster: My impeccable style has no need to

Rio: Nor your cute face

Buster: You want me to be red-faced in [whatever lesson he is in], but that’s something I can only do in front of you

Rio: 🤐 promise

Buster: Unlikely, unless you are planning to go to sleep

Rio: Cheek!

Buster: I love it about you

Rio: You don’t think I’m like your sister, do you

Buster: Christ no, that comparison couldn’t be further from what I think

Rio: I’m never speaking for the sake of it, especially not with you

Buster: Every word you say, or type, is worth listening to, and I want to be the person who is

Buster: first, like you said

Rio: I love you, talking with you

Buster: When was the last time we talked in person?

Rio: Summer? Maybe?

Rio: Not enough in forever

Buster: I owe you so many conversations

Rio: It’s mutual

Rio: all the minutes wasted stopping myself and hanging back from approaching you 

Buster: Do the maths for me

Rio: Tell me how high up the list of obsessions it is first

Buster: You know how obsessed I am with this

Rio: [do try and work it out from all the angles you could because giving how much you wanted to talk to him and how restrained you were this whole time etc, obsessed is certainly the vibe however you look at it]

Buster: Fuck

Buster: you truly never disappoint

Rio: Thinking about how long we’ve wanted and waited is another obsession

Rio: the answers come easy, honestly

Buster: Almost as easily as the solutions have and will

Rio: We both know what a good idea it is

Buster: I’ve got what I’m going to do to you down to a fine art

Rio: You’ve thought about it for so long, every way you can have me

Buster: Over and over, as if I’m incapable of having any other thoughts

Rio: That’s how it feels, once I let myself go there, I don’t know when I’ll be able to stop

Buster: I forget where I am, who I’m with, how much time has passed, everything

Rio: We’ve already seen the sun come up together so many nights 

Buster: Which is just as well, because the last time I can be certain I’ll notice anything else is [the night before she arrives]

Rio: We don’t need to, we need to be together

Buster: I need to look at you for hours

Rio: I want to memorise you, every second

Buster: Commit me to memory, I want us to commit to each other in every possible way there is

Rio: I want that too, badly

Buster: Write my name on you again

Rio: [do that, somewhere you can cover with your skirt but get to right now without fully flashing so it’s at danger of peeking out at any moment lowkey more than if you left the room and did it somewhere really private]

Buster: [likewise do hers, I’m imagining on his wrist cos we know how this boy feels about a wrist grab being a child of baze, so that it’s covered by his shirt sleeve but is in the same danger of peeking out because they love it, deliberately using a pen with more staying power than the fountain pen he used before to match the temporary lipstick vibe cos gotta see how long we can keep this]

Rio: I’m going to look so obsessed with myself, going between staring at my own thighs to my name on you 

Buster: You should be obsessed with yourself as well as with me

Rio: You’re always number one to me

Buster: Make me happy by validating my great taste then, love yourself as much as I love you

Rio: You’ll make me blush

Buster: Look at yourself once you do and that’ll prove my point

Rio: I don’t not like myself, it’s just complicated right now

Buster: I know, but I’m determined to uncomplicate it

Rio: I’ll let you

Buster: You won’t regret anything you let me do

Rio: You know there are no limits

Buster: The only rules are the ones we decide together

Rio: We’re 👑

Buster: Exactly, I told you, it’s simple

Buster: you’re royalty, treat yourself like that

Rio: I feel better for having your name on me

Buster: Wait a few years and you can have my name permanently on you

Rio: How will we ever decide where to put it permanently though

Buster: By putting it everywhere in pen until then and seeing how each place feels

Rio: How it makes you feel, that’s what I care about

Buster: I’ll show you

Rio: [drawing a B on your hand and doing lovey-dovey doodles]

Buster: [sending her a selfie of his heart eyes as if he isn’t in class lol, defs doing it so she can also see her name peeping out on his arm]

Rio: [change your background to that picture immediately and show him]

Buster: I’ve never smiled in [this lesson] before

Rio: That makes me happy, I want to make you smile everywhere

Buster: You’ll completely ruin my reputation, babe

Rio: You did say you were ready for that

Buster: I feel ready

Rio: I’m prepared to be yours in secret if we change our minds

Buster: I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to keep you, as a secret or not

Rio: Exactly

Rio: don’t think I’ll leave if everything doesn’t go exactly as we’ve said, because I won’t, the reality is more important, whatever it is

Buster: The reality is, I love you and I want this, us

Rio: I love you

Rio: the only thing standing in our way is other people but we can only pretend they don’t exist for so long

Buster: And those people can only stand in our way for so long

Rio: Your friends know how to overstay a welcome

Rio: but they should be so out of it you won’t need to be shy about it

Buster: I know how to make someone feel unwelcome, if you want them to leave rather than stay for how bold I am

Rio: I’m not scared

Buster: You’re a brave girl

Rio: Your brave girl

Rio: who makes no promises of being able to leave you alone

Buster: You promised not to leave my side

Rio: I can’t, I need to celebrate with you

Buster: And I need to celebrate you more than I do my birthday

Rio: It doesn’t bother me at all what your friends think, you’re my boyfriend

Buster: They’re barely my friends, their opinions don’t matter

Rio: I’m only slightly concerned that Nance won’t be as drunk as we think, that’s it

Buster: Think of as many drinking games as you can, I’ll do the same

Rio: I’d feel bad, if it wasn’t what she wanted

Buster: Keep in mind her lack of sympathy for you or your family

Rio: I am, she’s getting blackout

Buster: And sleeping it off in [whichever room in the baze gaff is the furthest from his but still somewhere he could feasibly leave a drunk Nancy]

Rio: Then I get you, all to myself

Buster: Finally

Rio: The others were always there, it’s never been just us

Buster: Rewriting it in my head could only achieve so much

Rio: Because everyone knows, what’s going to happen the second we are, it’s always been this way

Buster: Inevitable

Rio: No one is getting between us this time

Buster: We’ve planned for all eventualities, learnt lessons from each of those frustrating previous times

Rio: I can’t care, how I did, I can’t pretend that I’d stop for anyone

Rio: Only you can tell me no at this point

Buster: I’m only going to tell you yes

Rio: Even if I want to touch you right back under that table with your parents?

Buster: Emphatically if that’s what you want to do

Rio: I can’t let you just get me off when I know you’ll be aching too

Buster: Maybe I’ll get used to it once I’ve sat at this desk all day

Rio: I should be under it

Buster: You’re small enough to fit perfectly

Rio: I would stay there all day, I’m serious about how much I would love nothing more

Buster: You love to be hidden in plain sight

Rio: I know how happy it would make you, I can imagine your face perfectly

Buster: I can imagine yours, happy isn’t the word

Rio: My mouth would be too busy to smile, it might be an obsession 

Buster: Your eyes would, I’d have to change my phone background immediately

Rio: You know I’d have never looked better, happier

Buster: Neither of us have known happiness like that yet

Rio: But we’re going to know it every day

Buster: I refuse to let you go to bed upset like last night

Rio: You’re responsible, my favourite man

Buster: You’re precious to me

Rio: I’m your baby

Buster: Until you give me one

Rio: But after too, your biggest and most jealous

Buster: You said you’d share, no jealousy

Rio: Fine, no jealousy, just feed me your cum whilst you feed our baby

Buster: Going from princess to queen isn’t something to pout about

Rio: You have to love me most your whole life, I belong to you

Buster: My whole life will revolve around you, you’ll have given most of it to me

Rio: I’ll follow you, to America, I’d follow you anywhere

Buster: America’s just a possibility, you’re not

Rio: I’m sorry for last night, just let me say it because I am, I freaked out because it’s so clear what I want

Buster: I understand, I’ve been there myself 

Rio: It’s bound to happen, who wouldn’t worry when they know that they’d be so fucking happy shackled to their cousin’s bed if that’s what he needed

Buster: It’s a lot to want, but you don’t need to worry, you know that now

Rio: I meant that, I’m not scared, of you, of this

Rio: You love me, the only thing to be really scared of was that not being true

Buster: As soon as I knew what love meant, I knew I loved you

Rio: I’ve been yours since that moment, I knew I could rely on you like I couldn’t my other daddy

Buster: He doesn’t deserve to be called that

Rio: I know, old habits

Buster: If I ever hurt you like he does, I’d hurt myself way worse somehow

Rio: I never want you hurt

Buster: Then I better not let you down

Rio: You’re incapable, I swear, you love me too much

Buster: Yeah, I do, I swear

Rio: I want it to be our 18th, now

Buster: I’d marry you now, you’d have no time to plan anything

Rio: Our school shirts are white, what else do we need?

Buster: Mine won’t be if I bite my lip as hard as that idea makes me need to

Rio: If it were the olden days, I’d have to bleed for you

Rio: and everyone would agree I’m your rightful bride

Buster: Everyone would be stood around the bed watching you not bleed because of how much you want me

Rio: Imagine how they’d go and copy what we did, how many people we would have cumming

Buster: How many babies would be born

Rio: Our family even bigger, all because of us

Buster: I don’t think anyone else could actually copy a single thing you do though, not really

Rio: That’s why you want me, no mistresses

Buster: I’d send them all away

Rio: They can watch, only as punishment

Buster: Very fitting

Rio: Clean me up, not you

Buster: Why am I being punished by not being the one to clean you up?

Rio: You made the mess, you’re king, you don’t have to

Buster: But I do have to

Rio: You should be here when I get up

Rio: I know this chair is going to need licking clean

Buster: I’m jealous of whoever sits in it after you, they don’t even realise yet how lucky they are

Rio: You want me to leave it? 

Buster: As the alternative is me getting on a flight and telling you not to move a muscle before the plane lands, which I unfortunately can’t

Rio: I’ll let you clean my dining room chair before you put me on the table

Buster: Promise not to fall off while I’m busy

Rio: I’ll be mesmerized, easy promise

Buster: I’ll hold you still, I’m never that busy

Rio: You’re going to make sure you get every last drop

Buster: Of course, every drop is mine

Rio: You’re such a cumslut, I am obsessed

Buster: I don’t share my toys and you’re my favourite

Rio: You never have to share me again

Buster: You know I won’t, anyone who looks at you for too long at the party is dead to me

Rio: 🥰

Rio: You’ll have to check alone because I’m not looking away from you

Buster: You can watch what happens to them by staring into my eyes

Rio: That’s the hottest and most romantic thing you’ve said simultaneously 

Buster: It would kill me to deny you anything

Rio: You would never, you could barely keep to it when that was the unspoken agreement 

Buster: That bullshit was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do

Rio: Hard agree

Buster: Tell me how many hours we have left, because this waiting game honestly feels like a ridiculously close second

Rio: [tell him] 🙄 

Rio: How do we usually go months? I’ve forgotten every trick I knew to make it okay

Buster: I’ll think of new tricks, you’ll be okay

Rio: Will I?

Buster: I’ll make sure you are

Rio: Okay

Buster: And you’ll make me proud

Rio: Shh

Buster: Absolutely not

Rio: Have you gotten any work done today?

Buster: My work’ll all get done

Rio: Hmm, not an answer

Buster: You don’t need to worry about me, there’s your answer

Rio: You worry about me, isn’t it meant to be mutual?

Buster: Come on, I’m going to be offered admission to Harvard, school isn’t a concern 

Rio: That’s years away, nothing is guaranteed, boy 

Buster: I’ll guarantee it with years of hard work and good grades

Rio: Good, then I don’t need to worry, do I

Buster: I told you

Rio: Don’t be a know-it-all

Buster: Don’t be rude

Rio: You’re ruder

Buster: I am not

Rio: You are

Rio: What about my work? You’ve not even asked

Buster: Because we’ve already discussed priorities, I trust you to behave, in school or anywhere else, with or without me

Buster: I don’t call you my angel for no reason

Rio: You haven’t called me that in ages

Rio: Far too long, in fact 

Buster: Do your work and I won’t have a choice but to

Rio: 😒 FINE 

Rio: I don’t know where I am though, just with you

Buster: If you can’t follow the lesson, I’ll help you with your homework later

Rio: I’m not surprised that’s a fantasy you have 

Buster: Don’t you want to study with me?

Rio: Didn’t say that

Buster: Say you do

Rio: Of course I do

Rio: you’re one of the smartest people I know

Buster: You’re one of the smartest people I know

Rio: It’ll be easy work for us

Buster: Easy isn’t the word

Rio: What is

Buster: Perhaps I’ll write you a list

Rio: Perhaps you ought to focus on tutoring me

Buster: Okay, tell me the last thing you remember being able to focus on from this class

Rio: 😶

Buster: Come on, there must be something

Rio: Haven’t we been talking this entire time? You come on

Buster: I’m flattered

Rio: As you should be

Rio: don’t worry, nothing important is being learnt, I can tell that much from everyone else

Buster: I’ll teach you everything you need to know anyway

Rio: We can make time to do all the work you need, within reason, of course

Buster: Nothing unreasonable, this is your holiday

Rio: Our birthday

Buster: Yeah

Rio: Let’s do everything together, whatever mundane everyday thing we can think of

Buster: I can’t think of a single thing that wouldn’t be better done with you

Rio: It’ll be like playing house, but

Rio: realer

Buster: We both need real

Rio: Everything has been so real it all seems fake, distant now

Rio: not my real, you know?

Rio: We’re the right kind

Buster: I’m glad I can be that for you

Rio: No pressure, yeah

Rio: that sounded less intense in my head

Buster: I thrive under pressure, remember

Rio: No, not cool of me

Rio: I have to rein it in

Buster: Don’t

Rio: Not pulling away again but enough

Buster: Enough for what?

Rio: Enough to be fun and not scary

Buster: I’m not scared, you know that

Rio: That doesn’t mean I want to be scary to test you

Buster: You don’t have to rein yourself in to protect me

Rio: I don’t want to lose myself, my grip on reality and feet on the ground

Rio: except, I do want that but it’s a dangerous thing to want and I know that now

Buster: You aren’t going to lose anything, there’s only everything to gain

Rio: How do you know that?

Buster: Call it ego if you like, you definitely would’ve before

Rio: If the shoe fits, like

Buster: On the other hand, I’d prefer to say I like you too much to let any parts of you go

Rio: I like you 

Rio: I’m not spiralling, not here 

Buster: Curl around me as soon as you’re here, we’ll create our own spiral

Rio: God, [countdown] go faster 

Rio: I need you like that

Buster: I need all of you not some watered down version, if you feel like you have to do that bullshit, I’ve failed

Rio: It isn’t you, you know it’s not you 

Buster: No, it’s you, how indescribably great you are

Buster: But I have to let you know that or I’m not doing enough

Rio: You are letting me know that

Rio: it’s not us, it’s everything else, how that weighs

Buster: Shrinking yourself smaller will just mean you’ll struggle to carry it

Rio: No one expected it to happen to her

Rio: unspoken but undeniable I’m the ideal candidate 

Buster: You think it should’ve been you because you want the chance to take her place, she’s your sister and you wish you could spare her what she’s been through

Buster: that’s a normal response, there’s no more to those thoughts, and there certainly isn’t truth to them

Rio: [a moment to excuse yourself from this lesson real quick because you gotta]

Rio: I’m still here

Rio: I don’t know what to say though, and that’s to you, what will I say to her? When she wants us to visit her, if she ever does

Buster: You’ll find the words

Buster: but if you couldn’t at first, Edie wouldn’t hold a temporary silence against you, not after asking to see you

Rio: She isn’t going to ask, not for me

Buster: Come on, you don’t know that

Rio: I do, when has she ever?

Buster: Things have changed

Rio: You could certainly say that

Buster: All bets are off

Rio: That’s not going to be comforting, however you put it

Buster: I’ll be here to comfort you whatever happens

Rio: I know

Rio: as long as she’s getting help and support, it isn’t about me

Buster: You’re allowed to want to visit her

Rio: If she doesn’t want it though, I won’t, not for my own sake

Buster: Obviously not, you’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met

Rio: You really think so?

Buster: Thinking about it used to make me really angry

Rio: You thought it was holier than thou, I get it

Buster: But now I do get it

Rio: Being any other way makes no sense to me, it wouldn’t occur 

Buster: You take after your mum

Rio: I guess so

Rio: I don’t know how she carries on though, every time

Rio: I don’t have that in me

Buster: You are carrying on

Rio: Am I?

Rio: I came running to you the second I could

Buster: She has people she leans on too, everyone does, even my mum

Rio: This time, for now, sure

Rio: but how great did those people turn out to be, you’ve already pointed out happily that my da sucks too

Buster: You’ve undeniably got better taste

Rio: It isn’t funny

Buster: I’m not joking, I’ve already also pointed out we have the luxury of learning from their mistakes

Buster: no one’s happier than I am that I’m not as traumatised as my parents are

Rio: You don’t have to be so arrogant about it

Buster: I’m being honest, I haven’t exaggerated my importance or capabilities, I don’t need to

Rio: It’s just smug, alright

Buster: It’s excessive in your opinion, I disagree

Rio: Good for you, disagree on your own

Buster: Fine

Rio: [oop, at least that shut y’all up I guess lmao]

Buster: [we did need to lol, soz though lads]

[deathdoesntkillyou]