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alone in a truck stop
just me and a rumbling from my stomach
i hear your guitar strike deep chords
the passing of time and so many missed calls
spend another dollar, or drive into the hot sun
underneath the sweat is chill in my spine
i am everything and nothing
cat scratches, a sleeve
how deep can it cut if i’m not 100%
and here i am, i still bleed
time to just go home
8/19/24
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some quick words
why do i feel guilt for my own time
driving color blind not sure if it’s green or red
a deep sleep on a hot pillow
the sting of sweat in my eye and an itch i can’t scratch
i do it again because it feels good
but i don’t want them.
i want one specific thing and no one so far i want to give it to
did i lose my identity when i chopped it off?
i’d say not, the older they get they love this shit
broken dreams, you cry because of how stubborn you were for years and now you have to deal with all the time you let pass
everything passes though
at first i burned it all away.
then came lightning, thunder crashing the sound from my head.
the wind picked up afterwards, blew it all away.
or so i pretend.
have i been floating in this empty sea?
nothing left but the sound of water. and now i piss it all.
it felt good, to know you were mine.
7/8/24
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Far Away
pit of my stomach and a rattle in my throat
crying underwater, drowning trying to scream
ice bath can’t cool the anxiety
a beautiful day and a blade in my mind
a thorn in my left lung, laughing in the cold
naked trees as an unaware couple walks by
nosey neighbor doesn’t know what to do when i cry
leak in the gas tank and i could use a cigarette
disappointment and anger for the unknown
keeping a houseplant in the dark and feeling guilt when it dies
the dirt in my nails that will never come out
bad joke, fake laugh, waiting room lobby
redundant small talk when you’re in a hurry
centipede’s venom, the blood in my brain
capable hands, messy room, low funds
the sunset shifted over me while caught in a riptide. i am cold and wet, am i wet while in the water? a distant memory that can’t come back because i’ve forced myself to keep forgetting and now that’s my new programming. try and bring it up to the mortar between bricks but the wall doesn’t listen. i am a solid, liquid, gas. but the plasma doesn’t let me fall asleep right away. a handle of rum and my heart aches in the morning. caught a falling star and seared my hands. pickle the memory so the next time i try it, it’s fucking disgusting. sweet and sour flavors mean absolutely nothing to fungus. but it never stops consuming until my chest caves in, eyes sunken. bleeding from my knuckles, scars form.
i walk with a flame shielded from the rain.
my shield, and the crack that looks like lightning.
1/11/24
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i have fire in my throat and a bomb in my heart
you are a liar, squish me like a bug
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i live in a lie. lie after lie and you’re just salt on the wound. fuck you.
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i should try something, even if i’m afraid of failure. i just want to be able to say i tried
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i drink 9 beers and i just wanna tell this little girl how sweet and beautiful she is to me
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WHY DO I HAVE EYES
get out of my head i feel you scratching the back of my brain
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were you really not fine instead?
that was my favorite part of you…
do you really wanna see me dead?
I LIT MY HOUSE ON FIRE FOR YOU
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i can’t walk so i guess i’m gonna stay at home
THEY CAN HAVE MY LEGS JUST LEAVE MY HEAD ALONE
and i can’t talk so i guess i got nothing to say
I’LL KEEP MY EYES JUST TAKE THESE TEARS AWAY
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there is a level below rock bottom
and it is only in that darkness
you can find your light
you have to fail
in order to get back up
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