deathnographer

[deathnographer]

Aesculus californica

[deathnographer]

Alexander Maranov (Russian,b.1962)

Swan

Oil on canvas

[deathnographer]

Trees and Snow (Pine Forest and Snow), 1933. Ansel Adams (1902-1984). Silver print.

[deathnographer]

[deathnographer]

Genus Brachycybe

[deathnographer]

[deathnographer]

Listening to Perverts while losing my old home to wildfire.

Perverts came out the night before my old home, neighborhood, and pretty much entire city burned down. I got the news that everything was gone just as I started listening to the album. Laying on the couch, staring at the ceiling (very Perverts, I know), meditating on the strange dissonance of being safe in my new home but still absolutely gutted and overwhelmed at the loss of my old one.

This was the first city I actually felt comfortable calling “home” after being forced to leave my childhood home because of my parents’ inability to accept me being gay and trans. The thought of another place, safe and close to my heart, being taken away. And then the thought of all my friends, neighbors, community, entire city being displaced. The confused wildlife and pets left behind. The way that fire was blowing sideways? How emergency air assistance couldn’t help? The way that they just ran out of water?? Toxic waste in the air, soil, and water for years to come. The fucking real estate vultures already messaging my neighbors to buy up their property. The fucking slumlords taking advantage and exponentially increasing rent throughout the region merely hours after. The fucking nerve of these soulless creeps makes me sick.

Scrolling through the list of folks left for dead- all of them elderly and/or disabled, waiting for emergency assistance to rescue them, but no one showed up. They burned in their homes.

It made me wail into open air, “why? why? why? why? why?” I was clenching my fists so tightly against my chest, begging to know an answer. At first I thought I was demanding an answer from a god I suddenly believed in, someone or something to hold accountable, but with each question, I realized that, my sorrow had turned to rage, and more than anything, I wanted some fucking answers from SCE whose equipment started the fire, oil company CEOs and our government who continue to r*pe our planet, the greedy fucking slumlords taking advantage of mass tragedy, and the Los Angeles Emergency Alert System that didn’t send evacuation orders to everyone at the same time (some received the alert in the early afternoon, others at 3:30am, when fire already reached their homes). I was so angry. I’m still so angry.

[deathnographer]

Hi