deaths-great-black-wing - Tumblr blog

[deaths-great-black-wing]

[deaths-great-black-wing]

Dysmorphia do be hitting abit too hard recently

[deaths-great-black-wing]

[deaths-great-black-wing]

Idk man my 23rd year of being alive is feeling pretty cringe rn

[deaths-great-black-wing]

NSFW

Maybe TMI 🤷‍♂️🤔

Bought my self a vibrating butt plug.

First time anything that big has been up my ass.

I nutted almost instantly.

And I got cum in my eye and face.

Wasn’t pretty....

Will do it again tho

[deaths-great-black-wing]

Forever feeling that if I’m not constantly working out I’m putting weight on, I’ve currently got a time rn hamstring so can’t put much weight on it and definitely nothing strenuous.

Now I’ve lost weight I’m so petrified of putting back on even a single Kg I’ll starve myself until I can be active again, the thing is ik that’s unhealthy and if anything. I’ll put weight on trying starving myself as your body holds onto fat, but I still can’t shake it

[deaths-great-black-wing]

Anyone else have that type of friend who is pretty toxic but has some good qualities, though really you’d like to be done with them as in most part the negative outweighs the bad? But you can just ditch them cause of time served!? And a small part of you doesn’t want to?

[deaths-great-black-wing]

My wall is coming along 🥺

[deaths-great-black-wing]

I will be happy one day

[deaths-great-black-wing]

*trigger warning*

For the first time in my life I’ve made a conscious decision to loose weight. I’ve lost 6 stone in half a year. I always had in my head that loosing weight is what will make me happier but all I’ve noticed is that I’m now never content with myself.

When I was larger though I hated it I had my flare, and this mindstate of it’s not about what you look like, it’s about who you are that matters (which is 1000% true) . But now I’ve started loosing weight the only thing that brings me hype about it is being able to buy clothes from places I couldn’t before, which is still massive for me but now I’m never happy with how I look in clothes or how I look naked or how my face looks how my arms look how my legs look everything!!! Constantly looking over my body for imperfections looking for fat and deciding well no more for a day or two. My relationship with food has taken a massive nose dive I’m eating healthier but now I’ll starve myself if I even think I’m putting on more weight (in most cases I’m actually slimmer) I can help but look at mirrors windows etc. and see myself as obese.

Another issue for me is CONSTANT anxiety about parts of my body I haven’t been able to feel properly for as long as I can remember. I wasn’t aware of where my Adam’s apple was placed so I spent a long amount of time thinking smoking finally gave me a tumour in my throat. I hadn’t been able to feel the lump at base of my neck since I can remember would freak out that something was wrong with my spine. I had never been able to feel my Solar-plexus and spent time freaking out as to why I have this hard lump in my chest.

I really don’t know how much more of this I can take, trying so hard to just be healthy but doing that is fucking up my mental health and bringing up past trauma. Why is life like this? Why can’t I self improve without it fucking me up somehow.

[deaths-great-black-wing]

I’ve been thinking a lot about a old friend I met through tumblr and how shit of a person I was to her.

She came to stay from Germany and I was disinterested, boring and probably the worst person to be around.

I hope she can forgive me

[deaths-great-black-wing]

Fuck you

I don’t want you

I don’t need you

I gave you everything

And you through it back at me

You were never “there for me”

You just wanted ME there for You

You just wanted my attention cause you couldn’t get it from anyone else

I cared about you, I loved you but I’m now suddenly worth fuck all

That’s fine, I hope your happy as that’s all I ever wanted for you

[deaths-great-black-wing]

It’s simple maths less time I’m awake during the day the less I want to eat as I don’t like people seeing me eat now apparently. The less I eat, the more my stomach shrinks meaning I can eat less and feel full, meaning I can eat less making my stomach shrink and feel full meaning the less disgusting I look

[deaths-great-black-wing]

[deaths-great-black-wing]

Look Bro We Vibing Ok?

[deaths-great-black-wing]

The Hands That Used to Hold Me // Countrerparts

[deaths-great-black-wing]

DEALER