decisionsxd

[decisionsxd]

Apologies and ...

Hey Marn,

Didn’t think I’d really be posting here again but for the longest time, I’ve wanted to at least drop you a message. I’m not sure if you’ll see this and I wonder if this really is the most appropriate place but oh well.

Anyways, for starters. Congratz on almost graduating! A couple years ago, you were worrying about whether there was even a place in Uni for you and there you are now with graduation almost in your grasps. I’m not too sure if you got to go on exchange like you wanted but in any case, I hope you enjoyed your time, I hope you found yourself and most importantly, I hope you’re doing well. 

Next, just a bit about me over the past few years. I think if you met me again today, you’d probably be slightly shocked (I hope). I stepped out of the shyness shell and I think I can do pretty well with strangers now! A lot of it is thanks to the people I’ve met and just being in Uni has that effect I guess. 

Anyways, I guess I’ll just pick up from NS? After I left camp, I went to intern for a bit and I met all sorts of whacky people, working at a start up was a chaotic but surprisingly fun mess. Funny enough, it was there that I really learnt to drink too cuz we had a free flow beer tap in the office LOL. At one point, I became farmer Jame too and essentially set up a mobile garden. 

Afterwards, Uni started and I fit in surprisingly well? I made some good friends and we hang out all the time now. Honestly though, I finally got why you were so busy and tired all the time though. Uni do be killer at times and the amount of crap I have to read is ridiculous too... Internships are another headache that I’ve yet to deal with yet. On the Brightside, I managed to get on the Dean’s list once so far, wasn’t something I expected but nice to have nonetheless. Besides that, I met someone else who I thought I’d be in a committed relationship with. We went out for a couple months but it didn’t work out in the end unfortunately, more on that later. CCA-wise, I decided to stick to the familiar stuff and just go back to fencing. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our emails but we’re doing pretty well I have to say, I also managed to scam everyone into voting me as president too HAHAHA (jokes). Besides that, Uni life is pretty average for me I would say. I’m having a blast and I was blessed to have met pretty great friends so all is good for now. I’m planning to go on exchange next year to Japan assuming all goes well but fingers crossed. Summer is packed with events as well, like fencing tournament and freshmen stuff, hopefully there’s an internship too.

Now to the main reason I’m writing this . I think, I owe you a huge apology for how I acted all those years ago. I’ve apologized before but I think this one comes from a different place, one where I’ve had actual time to think and grow instead of just rehashing everything I read online. For the most part, I was pretty immature and irrational about the expectations I had of you, it didn’t help that I stopped putting effort to actually show that I cared for you too. Looking back, when you said that I couldn’t fill that hole or understand you, I now realize that its true because really I didn’t make an effort neither did I know how to understand you. Often I think I dismissed how you felt or didn’t explore the things that you wanted to do and so it’s no wonder you’d feel that way. Back then, I was insecure, childish, paranoid and irrational. I never really did show appreciation for or understood your sacrifices and struggles... and I’m sorry for failing to do so.

When we last spoke, you mentioned that a leopard doesn’t change its spots and for the most part, I think you’re right. A lot of the insecurities and irrationalities surfaced again when I was going out with the girl I mentioned earlier and I colossally screwed up the chance I had. After messing up with her, I finally had friends slap some sense into me and I sat down long and hard to reflect again. I’d like to think I won’t make the same mistakes a third time but we’ll see how things go. In any case, I don’t think she was very interested in me in the first place so meh. There’s a whole laundry list of things to apologize for but I think if anything, this is what I’d want you know at least.

So yea that’s it for now and probably forever. I don’t think I’ll ever be posting here again since I’ve said my piece. Hopefully you aren’t too weirded out? I tried to think of the least intrusive way to message you and this was the best I could come up with. 

Truth be told, I do still think of you from time to time, it’s strange and I don’t necessarily want to but it happens haha. If you would like, I do want to sit down and just catch up but I’ll leave that decision up to you! My telegram or number hasn’t changed so hmu if you’d like to meet, but I’d understand if you aren’t too keen.  Just to be clear though, I’m not trying to pull a weird stunt and try to get back. I think we’re probably much different people than we were back then and you seem much happier where you are now too! I’m not looking for forgiveness either, but I do feel that I owed you this much.

Yours,

James

180321

[decisionsxd]

Day 4 camps

Last dayyyyy weeeeeee. See u tmrw bubsters!!! So the whole of today is basically just navigation. Thats it lol kinda of a boring day if u look it at but meh. So ya i should still be navigating at this moment but ill find my way out somehow. One way or another!! Bubster cant wait to see u.... how was your day btw? Hope it went well. Imma leave it short again cuz really got notjing much else to say lol. See u soon and love u lots! Coming back in the morning... sleep tite and dont let the butt bugs bite! Have fun at work on friday too!

[decisionsxd]

Day 3 camp even harder

Wassup bubbysaur. How was work today? Did you make some yums and wowzers coffee? Hope u did lol. Today kinda sucks... we had to dig a dreaded shellscrape today which clearly is never a fun thing to do.... they want us to do it just so we can practice... like what even?!?! But suck it all is all i can say. Besides that nothing much else happened today really, just preparing for our navigation excercise the next day... that about it for today... quite a short one tonight so forgives me bubby, but really i got nothing much else to say lol! Love u lots bubster, sleep tite for tmrws hard day of work!!

[decisionsxd]

Day 2 camp harder

Hi bubby!!! Happy birthday to me lol. Thanks for your birthday wishes and presents!! How did u spend your breakday today! Was it shopping or was it hoboing? Eitherways, hope that you're well. For me today, we continued practicing our warfare drills in the morning, then we went ahead and got tested about them later in the afternoon, so fun stuff!! Despite that tho, id probably be tired as hell! Guard duty at night is not a fun thing to experience but meh gotta do it. I wanna let you know that thanks for all the great love and care that u've showered upon yours truly till now. Another year older but still very much in love with the bubsters! Thats all for now, but look forward to tmrws one lol!! Love u much bubby see u soon. Sleep tite for another tiring day of work tmrw... hope u recharged well.

[decisionsxd]

Specialists camp day 1

Yo bubby. The time to go outfield has come once again. Mega sedness cuz no talkin to the marnbarns. But either way how was your day today? 3pm day so it should have been ezpz day for ye. Did ye spend the whole day making coffee again or were u serving today? Eitherway proud u survived another crazy hetic week! Um for me, we left camp around 1300 hours and then we reach about 2-3 hrs later? So as u can imagine, today wasn't really a very tough nor difficult day per say. The rest of the day is probably spent practicing our other jungle warfare drills. Yep so not a difficult day at all. Thats all for tonight doe. So love u always bubby, talk to you again tmrw!! Sleep tite my dearest!

[decisionsxd]

Outfield day 2

Yo bubby! How was your day today? Probably ultra tiring as per normal but i know you’ll keep fighting through the weekend. Uh day 2 here probably is ultra tiring lol. Late night sentry duty plus having to wake up extremely early to stnd guard probably arent good combinations. Other than that, the army decided that they want to have PT during outfield as well for some reason, so thats additional lethargy too. Besides those, today should be practice/test day. So like we gonna have experts on urban warfare come over and test us. As per usual this bubby’s gonna score well. Hekhek. One more night to talking to you marnbarn, me is very excites to hear my bubby dearest again. Let’s hope they got no nasty surprises left for us for the rest of the duration! Going off for now bubby. Good nites, rest well and remember to eat well too!! Love u to da moon and back, hear you soon lol.

P.s. Bubby, just wanted to say me just want your extra time and your kiss for me bday. Thats all!!!

[decisionsxd]

Here we go again. Outfield camps Day 1

Life sucks, another outfield adventure. This time in singapore island tho, so maybe its not that bad idk. Anyways, we’re going outfield to learn bout urban operations, where its like the navy seal shit where they like go and breach open doors and stuff like that. Interesting stuff tbh, but at the same time real tiring too lol. Since todays the first day, id assume that most of it is just lessons and demonstrations for most of the day. Therefore i’d should still be full of energy lol. Another on the brightside thing, we sleeping in small buildings instead of on the ground which is always a great thing. I’d doubt i’ll sleep well regardless but I cant complain too much… Also right we get to use all the cool high tech stuff like mini robo cameras. Fun stuff like that, so ya, should be havinng fun now... Anyways right, enough about me. How was work for you today? Hope it went real well. It’s a friday so really how bad can it get lol. Unless the oil spill incident or something similar happens again. Besides that did u go out and live a night life today or just go back and do what we do best, potato around. Eitherways, hope u got back home safe and sound, my minds always at easy knowing me dearest is safe and sound. Thats all for tonight i guess. I bid thee fairwell for now. Sleep tite and dont let the buttbugs bite. Love u lots and i’ll talk to you in 2 days time(sunday)

[decisionsxd]

Week 6 book in( Valentines day)

Once again the time has come for another book in. Although it hurts the soul less each time, the pain of going back is still relatively excruciating. I'm over exaggerating here but the point still stays. I wish i has more time to spend with both the fam bam and you marnbarn. I hope you dont feel under appreciated or unloved? I truly am apologetic that tekong won't let me spend more time with my fav marnbarn but oh well such is life. Today was a real great day; a nice meal and acai paired with lovely weather. How I wish such times could last long long. Keep in mind that I also have you in my thoughts; together with fambam all of you pull me through all the tough times in the army! I never really mentioned this but thanks for all the sacrifices you always make just so we can see each other, i'm truly blessed to have met you in JC, a god given gift. Happy valentines day marnbarn. I'll see you very soon with more exciting adventures to be had ahead! Signing off -jame!

[decisionsxd]

Field camp day 6

Well im calling today, so expect a call. Save time to see the jame face k. Altho i may not even be able to use my phone too either. We'll see how it goes but i'll try my bestest i guessest? Cuz like we gotta wash up everything we used here first before they let us wash ourselves up. Its the army so meh... Sorry for leaving for so long, but ill be back soon dear marn!!

[decisionsxd]

Day 5

Wew second last day! Probably we at another test centre now, preparing for our situational test which decides whether jame has the mental fortitude to be a commander so wish me the best of luck. Tonight is a good night, we got maggie tonight lol and likely a good chat with our nice commanders. How was work today? Praying its as good as how the maggie tastes lol! So right 1 more days to seeing u again, i'm excites and looking forward to snuggle snuggle lol when im back on monday. Love u lots and have good dreams tonight. See you soon!!

[decisionsxd]

Field camp day 4

So if im not wrong right, i should have had a test today and knowing good ole jame, i should have passed it pretty well so go me. Uh today should be another tiring day but I’m probably still positive and looking forward to the end of my hell week! Food still sucks likely, don’t have high expectations of field rations. Will give proper review when im back. Anyways right, i hope u haven’t been missing me too much and also that work still is as always good lol. 2 more days to facetiming you lol so hang on, let the SAM pics keep u company if u must. Love u mountainloads marn. Nites and sweet dreams. Dream of me k!!

[decisionsxd]

Field camp day 3

So likely today will be another tough day ahead but i swear im still fighting onwards. Not gonna give up that easily!!! Probably sleeping like a baby since last night, so don’t worry abt my sleep, im getting enough! Did anyone bully u at work today? Hope the crowd was managable too lol. Love u to the moon and back hekhek and ill see u very soon!! Nites darling marnbarn!

[decisionsxd]

Field camp day 2

Well i'm likely to be dead tired today because we went hole digging today. Not that fun lol. Hope work went well again today? Hope u slowly mastering the art of latte art lol, become a sifu at it first and make some interesting coffee for me thanks. As always love u lots marnbarn. Sleep well!

[decisionsxd]

Day 1 field camp

So today’s the first day of field camp. Day 1 of 6 of no calling the marnbarn. Its not too bad yet and I’m probably doing well still since its mostly lessons today. I hope u had fun going out today? Don’t speeps too late lol u got work tmrw!! Love you lots.