dee-dump

[dee-dump]

paano kaya kinakaya ng kuya ko na maging unemployed for a long time. tamang tambay, inom, gala. sobrang irresponsible. he can’t even do household chores jusko di marunong makiramdam

[dee-dump]

i feel like i’ve somehow avoided talking about my ex. it’s been almost 4 months. i still remember him everyday. sometimes i feel aight, sometimes there are still grudges, sometimes i still cry about what happened between us, sometimes i feel like i’ve already let us & everything go, sometimes i still feel eerie bec of the vivid dreams with him. after we broke up, i told myself i won’t waste time explaining myself just so he could validate my feelings. nothing stopped me. i wrote him long paragraphs. got no response. i know he’s doing good. i still don’t understand why of all people, i’m the one suffering. this might be a bad thing to say but i’dk i’m just looking forward to the day i’d finally be genuinely happy, without him.

[dee-dump]

girl, you know how sick i get every time we drink alcohol. i just think it’s stupid how you always expect me to say yes to every invitations and every favors you ask me esp when my health’s getting worse bec of your invitations. i tried talking abt it but you always end up making me feel bad. your red flags are rlly piling up ye i’m sorry (or not) but imma ghost

[dee-dump]

apparently, my 24th birthday was the hardest to celebrate. the night before my birthday, i broke down so hard because of the thought that i will be spending my birthday, without my papa, for the first time. that i will be waking up on my birthday to no greetings and kisses from him — for the past 23 years, my papa was very consistent. i kinda feel bad that i didn’t spend my 23rd birthday with him, i never thought it was gonna be the last. i wish i knew. i hoped i won’t wake up on the actual day of my bday. i hoped i’d miss it. but still, i had no choice. i spent the morning of my bday breaking down again because of how much i miss him. i never thought i could ever be this broken in my life. i tried really hard to get up, i know, my family are also waiting to see me, to greet me plus it’s already late. when my nephews greeted me, i tried my best not to tear up much. i was even fake-washing my face just so i could hide my tears. that’s when i thought, maybe it’s not gonna be that bad if i’ll try to celebrate it. i asked ate and mama if we could celebrate it at kidzoona with my nephews. they agreed. at least i got to spend it still with my loved ones. i know my papa in heaven is happy that i spent my birthday with our family. this is me making a promise, that from now on, i will never ever trade spending my bday with family, especially my mama. it’s 8:41pm. ate and jl’s already upstairs. mama’s in her room already. i’m breaking down again. i mean i’m happy i got to celebrate it with them but it just hurts so much. i just wish my papa’s doing great in the afterlife.