deepcollectionredbird

[deepcollectionredbird]

This year’s Thanksgiving dinner looks a little different for my family this year. With all the cousins in my generation getting older, and entering our twenties, grandma got rid of that tiny kids’ table that we all used to sit at. She figured, with everyone being adults, there was just no use for it anymore… but she’ll have to get get a new table next year, because a couple of my cousins are pregnant and ready to pop. Trev and Tuck are the Dumb and Dumber duo, on my mom’s side. That’s the nickname that her family has so affectionately given them. They’ve been inseparable ever since they were little, and getting into all sorts of shenanigans together. Hopping on moving trains, setting fires in the woods, being chased by neighborhood dogs, mooning people on the main road—if you can name it, those two knuckleheads have done it. We all figured their days of being wild and reckless were over when they both turned twenty… that they’d wise up and stop being delinquents… but, just when we thought they’d really matured, they went out and got themselves pregnant. None of the family knows any details about how it happened. They could be pregnant by the same guy, or by each other, for all we know. Anyway, now their sitting on grandma’s couch with their shirts off and soda cans sitting on their bellies like shelves, eating up all of the food and talking to each other at the tops of their voices. Trev is on his sixth plate of food, and Tuck is on his eighth. I would’ve thought that time changed them, especially with the kids’ table at grandmas house being gone… but, after all these years, they’re still the same old idiots that I’ve always known.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Lina and Geoff have been nicknamed the “Role Model Couple” by their close friends and family members. From high school sweethearts to being practically married… even without rings on their fingers… their relationship is a shining example of what young love should be. Having been solely committed to one another since their sophomore year, they’ve endured so much throughout the last decade... but, no matter how many petty disagreements they have, or how mundane and routine their romantic life may seem these days, they remain wholly dedicated to one another, and continue to look forward to their future together.

Lina loves Geoff with all of her heart, and trusts him with her life… and Geoff, after all this time of being with her, feels the same way. They’re soulmates… and yet, Geoff has been keeping a huge secret from her: he’s pregnant with someone else’s baby.

He has no idea how or when it happened… but, deep down, he knows that he’s been feeling suffocated by his relationship for a long time. It’s not that Lina has done anything wrong… but all of the pressure that other people put on them really gets to Geoff. Their parents always asking them when they’re going to get married, giving them rings and saying that its way past due. Their friends making jokes about them being each other’s ball and chain, treating them like a package deal and never as individuals. it’s all too much for him… and it’s made him resent Lina. He loves her more than anything else in the world, but there’s a part of him that wants some distance… and, a few months ago, when everything got to be too much, and he started cheating, just to feel free.

It didn’t matter who he slept with, or what they looked like. Geoff would just walk up to people on the street and ask them if they wanted to hookup… and, more often than not, he got an enthusiastic yes. He did everything—topped, bottomed, indulged in both men and women—and explored himself in ways that he never could’ve imagined. Now that he’s pregnant though, there’s no telling who the other parent of his baby might be, or where they are… but his and Lina’s friends and family are going to be over the moon when they learn that he’s pregnant, naturally assuming that the baby is hers. All he has to do is muster up the courage to tell everyone, if it’s not already obvious. What’s the harm in playing along if nobody gets hurt?

[deepcollectionredbird]

Standing there, in front of the mirror, scrutinizing his warped reflection, Ryan can’t believe how quickly his breasts have come in. At only four months along, he’s already starting to gain healthy fat and lactate—producing his first drops of the white gold that will keep his baby alive. He feels huge, with all of the weight that he’s gained. His soft, hanging belly… his droopy love handles… his full chest. It’s all so new… and, even though he doesn’t like the way it looks, he feels confident knowing that he’s going above in beyond in giving his baby all the nutrients that it needs to thrive inside of him. What’s a little overindulge if it means his baby is healthy?

[deepcollectionredbird]

Mulligan built his entire platform on chastity—the whole morality system surrounding abstaining from any kind of sexual activity or behaviors. Aside from his undeniable talent, and the unique smoothness of his voice, it was his message that really won the admiration of Country Music fans across the country. He wasn’t singing about a truck, or some girl that he liked… or trying to fit the image of a rich, famous ladies’ man. He was singing about self-love, fierce patriotism, and independence, and talking about the importance of staying pure—which was something that the hundreds of millions of sensible people in America appreciated.

He was at the top of the heap, performing with country music icons, on some of the biggest stages in America. He was an everyday, red, white, and blue-blooded citizen, turned into a star!

Needless to say, it came as a real shock when he revealed his pregnancy to the public, seemingly out of nowhere. Via a sudden post on Instagram, captioned by a sincere and heartfelt apology, he came clean to his fans—telling them that he was nothing more than a flawed man, and all about how he’d gone and gotten himself knocked up. Within minutes of his confession the internet blew up, with his conservative fan base denouncing him for being a fraud… and, even worse, being impregnated by another man. In the days to come, several different men would come out of the woodworks to go public with stories of their romantic and sexual relationships with Mulligan, revealing the details of his secret life. He was no purist. He was no ladies’ man. He was not sensible.

Just like that, his career took a nosedive. He went front singing in the courtyard of his childhood trailer park to performing at the CMAs… only to lose everything that he’d worked for.

All he has left is a broken heart and a baby. Maybe that’ll make a good song.

[deepcollectionredbird]

The latter days of Rohan’s pregnancy have proven to be just as tough as his doctor told him they’d be. He’s always uncomfortable, and constantly in pain. The baby just won’t sit still now that she’s taken up most of the space in his womb. She tosses and turns inside of him, at all hours on the clock, desperate to find even an inch of wiggle room to occupy. It’s excruciating torture, living day-to-day with a five-pound baby thrashing it’s weight against his organs all the time, but thankfully Rohan’s doctor has taught him a soothing exercise to overcome the excruciating pain. Be still, breathe in, breathe out, talk it through, and rub the hurt away… that’s what he does whenever his daughter starts to get stir-crazy again, and it’s helped him out a great deal. Although the pain of her movement hasn’t gotten any better, it’s much easier for him to deal with, and it’s all thanks to Doctor Bird’s advice.

[deepcollectionredbird]

“What are you doing, Mitchy?!” Rizzo screamed, clawing at the dirt ground beneath him as the baby’s head pushed out from between his legs — the only person around for miles too preoccupied with taking yet another swig of his favorite spirits to put forward any aid. “Put the damn bottle down!” What was supposed to be a relaxing midnight getaway on the countryside, for Rizzo to talk out his fears and get his head together before the birth of his son, quickly turned into a horror show when his water suddenly broke, leaving him and Mitchy — a useless alcoholic — stranded on the side of a narrow dirt path, in the middle of the night. “Stop drinking and pull this baby out of me!” Suddenly, every worry that he’d spent the last several minutes venting to his friend about had manifested — his fears of not being ready to have this baby, the uncertainty of whether or not he’d make it to his due date, his low tolerance for pain. All at once, they came to life, and he was helpless against them. “FUUUCK!”

[deepcollectionredbird]

Before I got here, I thought the smell of popcorn was going to be the most irresistible aroma in the theater tonight. With these two little gremlins growing inside me, just breathing in the air at the snack booth makes my movie-night-pokerface fall flat... but, this time, I managed to stay strong, and only grabbed a tub of Caramel Kernels. Had I known that what I was getting myself into earlier, coming into the theater and taking my seat, I would’ve left the building altogether. Feet… that’s what got my mouth foaming right now. An entire row of dozens of large, meaty, smelly man-feet, just begging to be worshipped and nibbled on. Who knows why all these guys have their filthy dogs out to air. Honestly, it may just be a lack of home training… but with this extra sensitive nose of mine, I can smell each pair, and it’s making me crazy. My hormones are so out of whack right now, and it’s been so long sense a man has even given me a second glance. I don’t know how much longer I can last before I just start… sucking toes. I feel crazy!

[deepcollectionredbird]

Sleepovers at Mack’s house have only gotten more exciting since I accidentally got him pregnant. Just to clear things up, he and I have been best friends our entire lives… and, a few months ago, we went through this experimental phase. You know how it is for guys our age. We tried a few things out, touched each other for a while, realized we didn’t like each other that way… and, at some point during that brief chapter of our friendship, I accidentally knocked him up. Now his folks are upset at him, and think the baby belongs to his ex. Yadda yadda yadda.

Like I was saying though… sleepovers at Mack’s house are one heck of a time now, especially since his parents aren’t suspicious of me. We can do whatever we want, and they don’t think anything of it, just like it’s always been. Whenever I’m at his place, it’s like my hands get stuck to his belly. I can’t keep myself off of that thing. When I walk through the front door and meet him in the kitchen, that’s the first place they go… and then, they’re glued. I turn into a huge mush-fest, cooing and kissing at it, like I only understand baby talk. It doesn’t matter who’s around, either. His parents think it’s the sweetest thing when they see me rubbing his belly. His mom and dad still see me as that snot-nosed little boy their some met in pre-k… and, as far as they know, I’m just being a supportive friend.

When we go down to the basement — where all of Mack’s stuff is — all I do is lay with him in bed and play with his belly, which is way more fun than it sounds. Like, I’ll spend hours just resting my head on it while he eats snacks and plays video games, feeling the baby kick, talking to the little thing, and listening to his stomach gurgle. I lick Mack’s belly button all the time too… just flick my tongue in there, until it starts to cramp. It’s just something weird that I do, to get a reaction out of him and the baby. It’s so fascinating, knowing that there’s a tiny human in there, and feeling it move around — even more so, with it being my kid. Honestly, I still don’t think I fully grasp the whole situation. It doesn’t feel… real… yet.

He and I talk about this whole pregnancy thing like it’s nothing. I’ll ask him how he’s feeling, and when I should come by to take him to his next appointment, and he never treats me like I’m just his baby-daddy. Our friendship hasn’t changed one bit. He’s still cool with me, and I’m the same old idiot that I’ve always been. All night long, he’ll go on and on about how weird his pregnancy is, how his parents are total assholes whenever I’m not around, how gross he feels in his own skin, or how his body is working against him. Recently, he told me that when he farts, he pees a little bit too. It’s honestly really funny, now that I think about it. Every time I hear him fart, or smell one of his silent killers, that means that he’s just pissed himself too. Even funnier, his farts are way worse now. They reek like hell.

I look forward to going to Mack’s place after school every night. It’s so nice that we can still have a good time with one another, laugh like two lunatics, and be ourselves… even in our current situation. In our hearts, we’re still those two little dickheads in the back of the class, goofing off and having a good time. Honestly, if things could just stay like this until he gives birth, I’d get him pregnant a million times.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Ever since I’ve known him, Mason has wanted to travel abroad to France, and reconnect with his family’s roots. His great-grandfather on his mother’s side was born in Lyon, and immigrated to America when he was in his late 30s, to be with his great-grandmother. Knowing that part of his family’s history, Mason’s always felt this… urge… to visit his maternal nation of origin.

For years, we’ve been putting together a trip… planning all of the ins and outs in great detail. We researched so much of Lyon’s history, found a few museums to visit, took note of some cool tourist attractions, located his great-grandpa’s childhood home, and even connected with a few of his distant relatives in France. Every step of the way — with each new piece of history, and family member that we learned about — Mason’s sense of belonging grew. Finally, he felt like he had a home… the same pride that I take in my Nigerian roots.

Finished with our years of research, we finally set a date for our trip — July 5th of this year — and started packing our bags. We were excited… more excited than we’d been for anything else before… so excited that Mason began to feel sick. Suddenly, he started having these spells of nausea, and fits of shaking and vomiting. Between packing his bags, and brushing up on his French, he was constantly hugging the toilet. At first, I thought it was just the happiness getting the better of him… that all of the emotions swirling inside him had somehow manifested themselves into a sickness… but, as the weeks leading up to our departure creeped by, he started to change.

I don’t know why we didn’t assume that he was pregnant earlier on. Looking back, it was obvious. Once we found out, though — after two months of him throwing up, gaining weight, and lashing out at me for the smallest little things — we were devastated.

Now, not only has a massive wrench been thrown in our plans… but, newly aware of the baby growing inside him, Mason is starting to reconsider the timeframe of our trip. Instead of leaving for France in a few days, like we scheduled for, he wants to wait until the baby is born… and a little bit older… to visit France, so that we can all experience it together. Our flight takes off in 72 hours, and he and I are still wrestling with the idea of getting on that plane, or waiting a few more years.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Zach never would’ve guessed, in a million years, that pregnancy would make him so damn gassy. In all his years of hearing the whole “Birds, Bees, and Babies” talk, nobody ever warned him about the gastric side of it all… but, if he’d known that he’d be able to clear an entire room with a single fart, he would’ve thought twice before going out and getting himself knocked up with twins.

Before the babies, Zach was never a particularly gassy guy. He’d burp quite often, and fart every now and then… but his flatulence was nothing to write home about. It wasn’t very loud, or smelly, or noteworthy at all.

His guy friends could all burp the entire alphabet, fart on command, and compete in gas-offs, but he was never able to keep up with any of them. Even at the smelliest of times, he was somewhat nose-blind to the odor of his own brand. That old saying “whoever smelt it, dealt it” couldn’t have been further from reality, for him.

These days, though, with all of the strange foods that he eats, he even makes himself sick, with some of the stenches that come out of him. They always take him by surprise. Nobody ever told him just how awful they could be during pregnancy… but, now that he’s struck big and got a two for the price of one deal on babies, he’s learning that the hard way.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Nobody in the family was supposed to know about Kyle’s baby… and, up until tonight’s dinner party, nobody knew.

For months, he’d been keeping his pregnancy a secret. After getting knocked up by his pervert of a wrestling coach… a man that his father absolutely detests… Kyle, his mother, and his older sister all came to the decision that it would be best for everyone on his father’s side of the family to be kept in the dark, until it was too late to deny it any longer. Thankfully, Kyle was always a skinny guy, with a bit of a turtle-shell tummy, naturally… so, they all assumed that nobody would suspect anything out of the ordinary. They could simply excuse his sickness, or his moodiness, or any other symptoms that he may have as “college stress.” No one would question that.

For nearly 28 weeks, he was able to keep up the charade — hiding his growths and managing his symptoms to the best of his ability, with the help of both his mother and his sister — but tonight, after eating more food than anyone has ever seen him eat before, getting super nauseous, and growing too large for his sweatshirt, there are a few curious eyes on him.

He’s never looked more pregnant than he does right now… not even when he’s standing naked in front of a mirror… and only a fool would believe him if he said he wasn’t pregnant now. After tonight’s dinner, he’s got a lot of explaining to do to his father, and his entire side of the family. They’ll be expecting a new addition soon.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Jeremy knows that I have a crush on him. He’s got to… because he’s always pushing my buttons!

Being the only pregnant kid in our English class, he gets a lot of special attention — from our teacher and our classmates. It’s like everyone’s eyes are always on him, making sure that he’s okay… and not sick, or having contractions, or anything… and that means that everyone’s eyes are on me too.

It’s not easy, having to sit beside him every day. It’s almost like sitting in the emergency exit seat on an airplane, because… on the off chance that anything were to happen… everyone expects me to hop out of my chair and come to his rescue. If that’s not bad enough, I’ve had a crush on him since we were in the eighth grade… and, every time I’m around him, I can just feel myself choking.

There’s something about him being pregnant… that huge belly of his… that makes my awkwardness even worse. I don’t know if I’m into it, or if it scares me. Sometimes I want to touch it… kiss all over it… and, other times, I just wish it would disappear.

He must’ve picked up on my nervousness, sometime recently, because he’s been giving me these… strange looks… and making suggestive gestures toward me. Today, Jeremy even exposed his belly to me, and invited me to give it a rub. Maybe it’s just my vibe. Maybe he’s just mega hormonal, and I’m the closest guy around. All I know is, every time he looks at me, I feel like I could just melt away. I think I’m going crazy!

[deepcollectionredbird]

My Uncle Jerry and his husband have been together for almost fifteen years, and they still love each other as much as they did when they first met. Whenever they’re together, they’re like two infatuated teenagers. To put it bluntly, my uncles have a bit of a PDA problem… and, sometimes, it’s so goo-goo insane that the rest of my family doesn’t even want to be around them.

Like, this summer, when we all took a week-long trip down to Myrtle Beach, to celebrate my uncles’ shocking pregnancy announcement. Me, my mom, my dad, his parents, Uncle Jerry, Jerry’s husband, and their unborn baby — who they insisted that we include as another member of the vacation.

One day, we were all relaxing at the beach… just soaking up the sun, and enjoying the cool oceanfront breeze. Mom was tanning, dad was tossing a frisbee with grandpa, nana was napping in her foldable chair, I was scrolling through Instagram… and Uncle Jerry and his husband were laying in the sand, caught up in their little love-fest. They were kissing, and cooing at one another, and making dirty jokes… which was all fine and dandy… but then, they took things a little too far, for the rest of us.

I’m just scrolling… liking the photos that my friends all posted on their pages… when, all of a sudden, I hear my Uncle Jerry moan. It wasn’t just any moan, either. Not the jokey-playful kind. I mean, he sounded like he was having a good time. I look over, to find out what’s going on, and all I see is Jerry’s husband going tongue-deep into his belly button, flicking it around and slurping up his spit. They were making so much noise… with all the spitting, squeaking, smacking, sucking, popping, and squelching. They weren’t even trying to be discreet. It was disgusting… but they were really into it.

Like I said, sometimes, they’re just a couple of gross teenagers.

Anyway, I thought they would stop once they saw that the whole family — and even a few random strangers — was giving them funny looks… but they didn’t. My uncle held full eye contact with me, moaning like a ghost as his husband ate his belly button out. It made my skin crawl!

That was the very last time I ever joined them on a vacation… and, even once their son is born, I’m won’t be going away with them any time soon. PDA is one thing… but that, that was full-on exhibitionism.

[deepcollectionredbird]

It’s such a mind-fuck, seeing Rod’s dad — Mr.Smith — all big and pregnant. That man’s been like a second father to me, pretty much my whole life. I mean, I still remember the days when he’d pick me up from elementary school, and drop me off at my house. He watched me grow up.

All these years of me being best friends with his son, hanging around at their house… and, after the better part of a decade, I never would’ve thought that I’d ever see Mr.Smith pregnant.

Seems like just yesterday when he caught me sneaking back into Rod’s bedroom, after I’d given myself that pre-performance pep talk in the guest bathroom. It was the middle of the night, and Rod and I thought that everyone in the house was asleep. That’s what we were counting on.

His older sister had finally turned off her Bluetooth speaker, his parents were in their room, and his brother was away for the night. Everyone was where they needed to be, and Rod and I were about to… you know… do what all guy friends do, at some point or another. We assumed that we were in the clear — ready to try things out, for the very first time — but we were so wrong.

Little did I know that his dad was coming down the hall, on the way to take his mid-night pee. The one time that Me.Smith ever spotted me in the hallway at night — looking shady in my plaid underpants — and I was fully erect, holding a long sleeve of condoms in my hands. That was just my luck.

I still remember the look in his eyes when he dragged me by my ear into the den, and accused me of having ill intentions with with Rod. His pupils were almost glowing with anger as he whisper-scolded me. Rod’s dad told me that it was normal for guys our age to explore each other’s bodies, and that, whatever I was planning on doing to his son, I was going to have to do it to him first… without using a condom.

I don’t think I’ve never been more afraid in my life, than I was then. There I was, bending Mr.Smith over the back of the couch, and pushing his filthy tightly-whitey’s down to his thighs, all while trying avoid making too much noise. I guess he thought that it’d teach me a lesson… that topping him would get my dick to shrivel up and become a limp, useless flap of meat… but, he couldn’t have been more wrong. I mean, it was weird, dominating the only man in my life — other than my father — who’d ever taken me out for ice cream after my little league baseball games… but I was too scared to question how I felt about it.

Seeing the state of Mr.Smith now, I don’t know what’s worse — the fact that Rod’s about to have an unwanted sibling soon, after being the youngest child for eighteen years… or the fact that we’re dating now, and he has no clue that I’m the one who got his dad knocked up in the first place. Hopefully, the baby doesn’t look too much like me.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Ted’s always loved the way that his navel piercing looks, nestled nicely inside the rim of his shallow belly-hole. The extra pizazz and flare that it gives him is practically unparalleled. No matter where he goes, or what he’s doing, if he happens to be shirtless, all of the guys are staring at it. His bellybutton is so special… so shiny.

It was his navel piercing that got him pregnant in the first place. That faithful night, out on the beach. The handsome, nameless stranger, who couldn’t keep their hands, their nose, or their tongue away from the silver ring. They loved the way that it smelled when they sniffed it… a “wonderful stink,” they said it had. They enjoyed licking it, and flicking their tongue against the tender, sensitive flesh of Ted’s filthy navel. They had fun, tugging at the skin-safe steel bar for what seemed like a blissful eternity, and making it turn red with irritation. Oh, how sweet and new the sensation was.

That night was surely the night that Ted got knocked up… all thanks to his gorgeous navel ring.

As his belly continues to change and grow, Ted dreads the faithful day when his belly will be too big, and the skin around his navel too tight, to safely hold his piercing in place any longer. Soon, he’ll have to remove it, and clean the filth from the empty hole. No more strange tongues licking at it, for a quick taste. No more unfamiliar noses giving it a sniff, to revel in its unique stench. No more sticky fingers, pulling the metal bar out of pace. No more… being special.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Kade’s water broke nearly 48 hours ago, and he’s been having awful contractions for the better part of two days now… but, even with the baby actively moving through his birth canal, he’s not exactly sure what he should do.

Suddenly being thrusted into the raging waters of single fatherhood, the thought of having to raise a newborn baby on his own terrifies Kade. What if he’s not ready for the responsibility? What if he doesn’t have that “paternal instinct” that everyone always talks about? What if he can’t do it? For the last nine months, all he’s ever heard has been words of encouragement, and optimism… but encouragement and optimism aren’t much help when you’re in as much pain as he’s in right now.

It’s like the bones in his hips are splitting apart… cracking open like walnuts… and it’s debilitating. His belly is an over-inflated balloon, fit to pop at any given moment. Although he knows that he should probably call himself an ambulance, and request an emergency ride to the nearest hospital, part of him feels as though, if he can manage to delay the birth and delivery of his daughter for just a little longer, then the reality of it all can’t really get to him.

How can he be a bad father if there’s no baby?

It hurts like hell, just standing in one place as the six-pound baby tears it’s way out of him, but… if he can just hold onto her for a few more hours… then, maybe, he’ll finally reach a breaking point, and get over his fear of single fatherhood.

[deepcollectionredbird]

Jacob can hardly sit still, these days. With the sharp aches in his legs and feet growing more intense as the weeks creep by, the bloating and gas from his seemingly perpetual morning sickness constantly kicking his ass, and his bladder on the verge of bursting open, waiting a mere four hours to board the plane for his cross-country flight is like literal torture.

This year’s Spring Break couldn’t have come at a worse time for Jacob — or, rather, his unplanned pregnancy couldn’t be any more inconvenient than it is right now. Here he is, waiting to fly home to his parents’ house, to kick off the two greatest weeks of April — when he should be living it up with his hometown buddies — and he’s too busy suffering through a surprisingly difficult pregnancy… a pregnancy that his parents are completely clueless about… to even come up with any Spring Break plans.

His meaty feet and toes airing out in the cool downdraft, for all of the other airport guests to see, and his hands tucked into the pockets of his sweatshirt, desperately trying to ease away the pain in his abdomen, Jacob’s already having an awful time. He has no idea how he’s going to explain this “mystery sickness” to his prying folks… or how much longer he can put off going to the nearest toilet. All he knows is that he’s got a mere four hours left to get himself together, and ready to go… and that, in itself, is stressful enough.