deepsea-lala
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dont talk to me im not interested
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Mary Oliver, from Long Life: Essays And Other Writings originally published in 2004
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Being each other's safe space while dealing with life.>>>
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oh my god everything is so temporary and you don't even remember it. you think some things, if not everything, are forever. or at least they last long enough to give you the illusion of forever. its so hard to remember and be totally present with things the way they deserve. the way all of life deserves.
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O God, I came to ask You for Your help, but I forgot all my troubles when You showed Yourself to me.
If the only way I can be with You is through my hardships, then let the hardships stay
— Sheikh Mohammad Ali Shomali
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City breakfast , New York - Vincent Giarrano
American, b. 1960 -
Oil , 5 x 7 in.
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The best way to get over someone you love
Understanding that you only have control over your own feelings and actions and that you can’t make someone love you. This is a really powerful realization.
It stems from loving yourself as well.
There is no magical “cure” to being heartbroken. The only cure is time.
As someone else noted, you won’t completely forget about them but the first step in getting better is in fact to completely stop looking at them.
You see, today it is a lot harder to get over a breakup because of technology. Every time we miss someone we look them up, and in return, it just prolongs the pain of missing them. It is incredibly difficult. Before social networks and internet, when it was over, it was over. And it was easier to move on because we basically cut contact visually and in any other way with that person.
This led us or shall I say, forced us, to continue living the life and even though we thought about that person, a lot more quickly we were able to pick up and continue with our lives. Today it’s a lot harder.
But there is a lesson there. You have to be strong enough to completely stop looking at the person and cut them out of your life. You can have them in your mind, but eventually you will see that the pain will fade away as things happen in your life, work, or just watching some silly shows or whatever. At one point the pain will start going away and memories of that person will not affect you as much as they used to.
There is really also no time limit. I was in love with the person and had a romantic long distance “relationship” with her. 4 months that are in relative terms nothing really took me a year and a half to get over. She made it clearly she didn’t want anything to do with me and I couldn’t let go. But then, you realize that you can’t control other people and looking at them as a key to your happiness is actually a reflection of your own insecurities and lacking of something.
The truth is, that the reason you hurt so much after them is because they filled that spot you were missing in your life and when they are gone for whatever reason, you are in pain because you built them up. You can call it illusion or that they gave you something you didn’t even know you were lacking the end result is the same. Understanding that the other person simply wants something else and that they were not the key to your happiness is the crucial step in healing.
There are billions of people out there, no matter how corny, and overstated it might be, it is truth. So thinking that you can’t move on and that’s the only person for you is also counter productive. Because they are not and there is at least thousands of people that are better suited for you.
And while you are healing, you need to find yourself. You need to heal your insecurities, you need to heal your “emptiness” that this specific person filled in order to truly feel powerful and let go. And that’s the hard part. Some people get counseling, some people do it on their own as they are able to self-reflect a bit better, but the end result is the same. Realization that you don’t need that person to feel happy in your life.
To summarize:
Don’t give yourself a time frame for healing. It will come when it comes.Work on yourself. Be the best you can be physically, to the point where you look at yourself in the mirror every morning, you understand how awesome you really are and that you really never needed this person to begin with. You are the prize. Their loss.Do things that you are passionate about. Find a hobby or endeavor on improving your job skills but only something you are really passionate about. From my experience, I have a job I absolutely love that I would do forever even for zero money. When I do this, my mind goes to a different place and I don’t hurt, quite the contrary, I feel powerful.Understand that there truly are thousands or even hundreds of thousands of people who are uniquely compatible with you and that they would be happy to tag along your side and appreciate you as you are.
Once you start feeling this after a while, the person you are in pain over, will mean very little because your view on everything will completely change. And that’s when the pain truly goes away.
I’ll just leave you with this saying.
“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”
And that’s what you should be striving for in order to move on.
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