deerabled - Tumblr blog

[deerabled]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

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You are not doing anything "wrong" for continuing to struggle or not being where you'd like to be in your healing journey. Healing has no moral value and neither does struggling. Continuing to struggle is not a sign of "failing" in any way.

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”I know nobody cares but I finally cleaned my room after a whi-“ ME!!!! I CARE!!!!!!!!! I CARE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE AMAZING!!! KEEP GOING!!!!!!!! IM PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It’s not your job to be likable. It’s your job to be yourself. The right people will gravitate.

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perfect representation of what it’s like to be bed bound because of chronic illness /disability.

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I love thinking of my time in the real world as starting from when I became legally an adult. It helps me be so much less hard on myself to be like well. I’m only 21. I’ve only been legally an adult for 3 years. I am a 3 year old adult. It’s okay if I make mistakes or don’t get things right immediately or bruise myself a little bit trying to hit a stride. Now is the time to trip and fall and get a little bruised. But then u get up and it heals and u know not to trip next time. You quite literally just started so why are u harsh on urself for mistakes that were essentially inevitable

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late night reminder to self: your depressive episode will not last forever. it will have an end. tonight will not be the end of you.

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You're not missing out on experiences you wouldn't enjoy in the first place. It's OK to seek out a life and experiences that actually appeal to you.

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just because they hurt you doesn't mean everyone will. just because they hurt you doesn't mean everyone will. just because they hurt you doesn't mean everyone will. just because they hurt you doesn't mean everyone will.

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gentle reminder: you are very capable and I’m excited for your future

slightly less gentle reminder: you do have to work for it

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Disabled people deserve not only enough money to live but they deserve enough money to be able to throw money at all their problems.

They should get money for food delivery services. They should have money to try any mobility aid that might help them. They should have money for weekly in home massages. They should have money for weekly in home physical therapy or fitness training. They should have money for any doctor or any therapy they need.

They should have money for a vast array of pain relieving products like heating pads, pain creams, and weed with the ability to have many options for fitting specific needs. They should have money for all their medications.

They should have money for phone and internet services that connect them to the world. They should have money for various helpful devices like laptops and tablets an ergonomic set up to use their devices.

They should have money for furniture, housewares, and even clothing that are comfortable for them and fit their specific needs.

Disabled people deserve money to throw at their problems. They have more problems than anyone else.

Yes, most of this could be solved by socialized medicine, UBI, and many social programs but let me tell you something wild: disabled people deserve this even in a capitalist society. Disabled people deserve this now.

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Motivation is a bonus, not a requirement, for action. A little discipline and preparation will carry you far.

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That feeling when your body is requesting something but you're not sure what so you just start eating and drinking random stuff to try and figure it out

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there is no unlived life or alternative reality where everything went right…. there is only here and now what are you going to do with it

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crazy idea i know but what if they invented a body that didn’t nearly pass out every time i stood up

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something i find really frustrating is the way able-bodied people seem to struggle so much to understand that, when you're disabled, your abilities can fluctuate from day to day.

"but you could do that thing yesterday-" but today i can't. what my body can & can't do isn't a constant, reliable thing. i don't get to pick and choose when i do what. and i PROMISE this is just as frustrating to me as it is to you (if not more).

it also really bothers me that, rather than trying to understand and accept that my abilities change from day to day, the default assumption tends to be laziness. if i could do a task last week but can't do the same this week, it's because my body physically will not allow it, not because i'm being lazy and just don't want to do it.

before i became disabled, i never questioned whether i would be able to shop every week, or whether i could go on a daily walk, or whether i would be able to get out of bed in the morning. since having a disabled body, all i do is question whether my body will be able to handle the most basic tasks.

i plan ahead for things i know need to get done, and i often have to rest for days before things like a trip to the grocery store, or a doctor appointment. it's endlessly frustrating, not being able to know what i'll be able to do on a given day.

i just . really wish that able-bodied people would try to be more understanding and forgiving of disabled people when they're unable to do things. we're not being lazy. we're not doing this on purpose. we're just living our lives with bodies that can't always do what we want, when we want.

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Your body is a good body because it houses you.