definitely-not-junk-mail

[definitely-not-junk-mail]

ATTENTION

we have received reports from user @limeleviathan that you are "regularly exceeding the maximum permitted levels of adorable" and therefore must place you under arrest

also the five counts of murder and twenty-two counts of arson. dont think we didnt notice those :3

- @definitely-not-junk-mail

DAMMIT YOU WONT CATCH ME ALIVE

[definitely-not-junk-mail]

i have always pictured the tumblr inbox as a physical mailbox so it's kind of a wonder to me that we don't have gimmick blogs of people sending like jury duty notices and bank statements or something

[definitely-not-junk-mail]

Hello, We have been trying to contact you about your blog's extended warranty. Please contact your cousin throckmorton at your earliest inconvenience.

- @definitely-not-junk-mail

I'll get right to that

[definitely-not-junk-mail]

wrong blog I think

There it is! Not even a week until this happened!

[definitely-not-junk-mail]

Hello, We have been trying to contact you about your blog's extended warranty. Please contact yourself at your earliest inconvenience.

- @definitely-not-junk-mail

my bad i'll message myself tmrw

[definitely-not-junk-mail]

Vote Rick Astley for Tumblr president! We promise he will never:

Give you up

Let you down

Run around

Desert you

Make you cry

Say goodbye

Tell a lie

Hurt you

- @definitely-not-junk-mail

Well he's got my vote!

@same-pic-rick-roll

[definitely-not-junk-mail]

hello! i am here to provide absolutely nothing of value to this hellsite, and will send you pointless mail! this will include spam and notices such as bills or jury duty, and occasionally pamphlets for nothing, which all mean JACK SHIT!!

I REPEAT, THESE MEAN NOTHING, EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY MEAN SOMETHING

anyone who follows this blog will periodically recieve junk, or you may request it

my tagging system is as follows:

'#postal office notices' - original posts, including informative ones

'#new mail just dropped' - mentioning the addition of a suggestion, please request new mail templates in my askbox!

'#post office's mail' - answering asks that you guys send

'#breaking news: they didnt throw it out' - other people answering the mail (for some reason) (someones bound to do it)

'#not mail' - self-explanatory

@limeleviathan is my main

mail submission guidelines:

randomly generated components currently include:

location

name

noun

verb

these may be updated later, with more added

when submitting mail, you can make use of any or none of those, and every instance of that letter sent will have a different fill-in for that component

when submitting mail using a randomly generated component, specify it by using [LOCATION], [NAME], [NOUN] or [VERB], as it will make it easy to figure out what is meant to be randomly generated

for example:

"[NAME] has demanded that you pay the good post fine" could become "Rick Astley has demanded that you pay the good post fine"

if you wish, you may specify whether a part is random or not if it could be ambiguous

you may also submit new words to be added to each category if you wish, since you guys are funnier than i am most likely

please make sure submissions are not racist, transphobic, homophobic, or otherwise hateful. they will not be accepted

pamphlet guidelines

please don't use this for actual advertising, this is a gimmick blog, not an ad network

pamphlet submissions will not be randomised and will be sent how you sent them. therefore, please send pamphlets as an image