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defpeachyyy · 4 years

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No one would be able to even fathom how much i love this, forever a fave🥺

질투 (Jiltu) (1/2)

Title : 질투 (Jiltu) - Jealousy

Author : Myself

Genre : Drama, fluff, Angst

Words : 4057

Summary : Jinyoung can’t help it. He knows you, he knows your heart, but he can’t help it.

Part I

He was fuming. Every muscle was painfully contracted, from his jaw to his toes. His fingers were taping incoherently on the wooden table, feet mimicking the sound on the parquet. He could accept, he could be the chill boyfriend, brushing his worries off because of love, but he wasn’t this type of person.

Jinyoung wasn’t chill.

The fact that you could be close to another man wasn’t something he was against to, because he had friends of the opposite sex. What was enraging was seeing you, hugging, laughing, touching him like you belonged to this guy.

And he couldn’t accept it, not when you certainly didn’t belong to anyone except him.

Yet, here he was, waiting for you to come home knowing you had just met with the annoying enemy. It’s not like he had been following you, but somehow he ended up seeing you with your friend, walking around town and being extremely close.

This had been the last straw, and after a lot of internal conflict, he decided diplomacy was for the weak. Maybe he was blinded by anger, but he didn’t care. If you couldn’t understand on your own, then he’ll make you have a grasp of the situation, no matter how.

The noise of the door being unlocked made him stand up, and the chair made a loud noise.

“Home already?” The voice was light, almost happy. He couldn’t utter a word so he continued walking, instinctively going to the window, hoping the view would make him calm down.

Most of the time, when Jinyoung was annoyed, he’d speak loudly, yell, jump around, eyes dark and lips pursed but he understood he had passed a point of no return. He was beyond angry.

“Oh, you’re here. I’m home.” Your voice made him laugh bitterly to himself. How dare you talk like you were in a good mood when he was feeling like shit.

“Are you okay? You’re so silent.” Your hand went to his shoulder and he shook, taking you by surprise. His eyes met yours and it didn’t even take a second for you to understand that your boyfriend was mad.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

He wanted her to stop acting like she didn’t understand. How couldn’t she link the two situations?

“Are you stupid?” His question took you off guard but you didn’t budge.

“Excuse me?” You went to the couch and let your bag fall on it, before crossing your arms, ready to defend yourself from whatever he was going to reproach you.

“I am asking if you are stupid, or if you are doing this on purpose.” His voice was lower than a whisper and for a moment you thought he was about to combust. He was enunciating the words perfectly, as if you were too dumb to understand.

“Explain yourself and stop going in circle, Jinyoung.” You had learnt how to take him over the years. Jinyoung wasn’t a man you could soften with a cute voice and stupid attitude, and confronting him had become a part of the fighting process.

He scoffed and leaned against the window glass, not believing his ears. If anything, you should be keeping a low profile, right now.

“How was your day?” His falsely sweet voice echoed in the room and you shrugged.

“It was okay, I guess I can’t say the same about yours.” You answered and he didn’t like it, not at all.

“Quiet.” He ordered and you sighed.

“If you’re going to ask me something, I suppose I can answer, right?” You said, taking a seat on the couch next to your bag.

“No, if you are going to act like this, then you can shut up.” He spat.

“Then tell me what the hell is wrong now!” You snarled. If you did something wrong, why couldn’t he say it simply?

“Are you cheating on me? No wait, do you think I’m stupid or something? Am I easy?” Jinyoung asked and you made a face.

“Wh-what? Wait, What?” It was beyond anything. There was no way he was asking that, right?

“You heard me. Answer.” His body moved on its own and he came closer, hands on his sides.

“I’m not cheating on you, why would you say that?”

“Ok, so you do think I’m stupid, then.” He concluded and you got up.

“I’m not! I don’t understand what you’re-” And it hit you. It took a while but you got it. It was about you meeting your friend.

It has always been about him, anyways.

“I guess you understand, now?” He leaned, smile bitter and you blinked.

“Again? Are we really going to fight now?” You tried and he laughed “I think you’re going crazy, Jinyoung.”

“Am I, tell me, Am I? I think I am, yeah.” He said next and you laughed too.

“It’s always the same! I get to meet with him and you go crazy over nothing! No matter how many times I try to convince you, you never listen!” You felt wrongly accused. You had one male friend, one bloody friend who had a girlfriend, with whom you could spend time and he was trying to take him away from you?

“It’s always the same because you always act the same! I tried to make you understand, but you’re the one who never listens!” He yelled, finally letting go of his frustration.

“So what, I’m meeting with him and I’m having an affair? Is that what you really think?”

“I saw you two today, and hell it looked like you were having a good time.” Jinyoung clapped in his hands.

“He has a fiancé, Jinyoung.” Your hand went to your forehead, rubbing it slowly.

“And you have a boyfriend, but it never stopped you, right?” he fumed. “Since when being in a relationship works like a magical barrier?”

“You’re insane! If you have trust issues, you should be seeing a psychologist.” You breathed, tired.

“If not liking the fact that you slut around with a man who is not me means I have trust issues, then yeah I fucking have trust issues!” He continued and didn’t even see how mean he sounded.

You knew Jinyoung. You knew he was soft to a certain extend. He could be the sweetest man, then spit fire to your face like you were the most disgusting worm. Until now you had never found yourself being the target of his ultimate anger, but here you were, putting up with his temper like you were a cheater.

“Are you done?” You knew it was no use trying to sort things out, not when he was in this state.

“I am not done! If you don’t understand something as simple as faithfulness, I’ll force it into your damn brain.”

“Oh and how are you going to do it? You’re going to forbid me from seeing a good friend? Kick his ass? Tell me, you genius.”

You jumped when he slapped the small candle on the table but kept your stance. If it could help him relieve some stress, then so be it.

“It’s him, or me.”

You gasped “Are you serious now?”

“Yeah, do I look like I’m acting?” His irony was infuriating.

“I can’t believe you’re making me chose…” You trailed off, disappointed.

“Is it hard? I’m sorry to spoil the fun, really.” His hand went to his chest in a fake apologetic manner and you wanted to slap his pretty face.

“I don’t understand, what’s making you act this way? I don’t go around kissing him, I never meet him without you knowing, we always go to cafés or around town, we don’t flirt, we don’t do anything that would be considered cheating, what more do you need?” You tried, hurt.

Jinyoung looked like he didn’t care. “Oh don’t make me cry. Hugging, hooked arms, laughing. You would even stand me up because you promised you’d meet him.”

It made you react and you sighed heavily “You can’t go on tour for weeks and expect me to put my life on stand-by! You coming and asking for a date in the middle of nowhere doesn’t mean I have to forget everything just for you! How many times was I stood up because of your work?”

“You knew what my job was, don’t try to make it sound like you’re a victim.” He said, finger pointing at you.

“And I never complained, not even when I was left in the middle of the street in winter for two hours because you forgot we were supposed to meet! I can’t be here whenever you need and disappear when you’re busy, and if this is what you want, then you better get a dog now, because humans don’t act this way.” You were annoyed. Until now you were doing everything he wanted, because you didn’t want to put pressure on him and now he was the one asking for justifications? He must have gone crazy.

“This has nothing to do with you giving your ass to the first loser in town! So what, you’re the lonely girlfriend, now? You need somebody to comfort you when the bed is empty? Is it what you’re trying to say?” Jinyoung wasn’t a mean person, this you knew, but now he was making you doubt his kindness.

You refused to retreat. There was no way he was making you cry right now. You tried so hard for a minute, but failed and a tear fell down, salty.

“You’re a horrible person, Jinyoung. I give up, you win.” You could answer back, but you certainly couldn’t be as mean as him, and it hurt knowing he wouldn’t hesitate hurting you on purpose.

You went to the couch and took your bag.

“Where the heck do you think you’re going?” Jinyoung growled but you shook your head, silently.

“I’m out of this. There’s no point in talking when you’re in this state.” You went to the door and your hand took the doorknob but his own one stopped you and you looked up at him.

He wasn’t just angry now, he was also scared.

You laughed “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on slutting around.” You pulled on your arm and released yourself from his grip.

You opened the door and simply heard him whisper your name, deep with regret before closing it softly behind you.

He found himself in the lonely flat and suddenly, Jinyoung didn’t felt so angry. He was worried, pained, hurt.

He missed you already.

You went down the stairs, wiping tears falling from your cheeks and shivered when the cold air hit your body. You should have stayed; you should have stayed because you didn’t deserve freezing to death when you did nothing wrong.

You got yelled at, insulted, stomped on like you were nothing and he was the one staying in the cosiness of your flat.

You didn’t deserve that.

Ever since you met him, you knew. You knew his lifestyle wasn’t easy, you knew he’d be away often but you loved him enough to handle it. Your friends were supportive, and your best-friend was always taking his side, because “hey, that’s what men do!” he always said. Jinyoung was possessive, but until now, except the small fights about your infamous friendship, he never went to the extent of implying you were cheating on him. He always spat a bit over the situation, gave you the cold shoulder, didn’t answer for several days but never once did he accused you of slutting around, or sharing a bed with somebody who was simply a brother to you.

You entered the park next to your building and sat on the nearest bench, trying to process your painful thoughts. When did it come to this?

Jinyoung was conflicted. He was mad, mad at the whole world. Mad at you for not understanding him, and mad at himself for talking without thinking.

He knew you wouldn’t cheat on him, he knew you were faithful, and at first he just wanted you to understand that the whole situation was hurting him, but he ended up telling you horrible things.

And the worst part was that he knew it was bullshit. There was no way you would cheat on him, because if you were about to do this, you’d break up with him. He knew you better than anyone else.

Jinyoung decided not to chase you, and he didn’t know why, but it felt like he’d be spitting even more nonsense if he did so he sat back and waited. He didn’t budge, didn’t smile, didn’t cry, didn’t do anything.

He was worried, worried something might happen to you, and worried you’d never come back. Worried you’d find somebody who’d be here for you, somebody who wouldn’t get mad like he did, somebody who didn’t have to go on tour for a month, or hide instead of dating like normal people.

You deserved somebody like that.

When you came back, it was 2 in the morning. Cold had won and even if it hurt admitting it, you wanted to see him. You had received no messages, no phone calls, nothing from him.

You opened the door and found all the lights off, like he had gone to bed. You scoffed and decided not to wake him up, so you carefully let your bag fall on the floor and took off your coat, before heading to the sofa. You took the plaid, neat on the side and wrapped yourself around it, before letting your body fall like a bag of sand.

“Ow.” You heard when your leg got in contact with someone and yelped, surprised.

Jinyoung was sitting on the couch, in the dark, silent.

“What are you doing here?” You asked. You couldn’t see him, but you could feel him sitting leisurely, legs spread and head leaning on the couch.

“I was thinking.” It seemed like he had cooled down but you knew better than giving in so you got up, the plaid slowly falling from your shoulders.

“I’ll take the bed, then.” You took a step back and felt his arms wrap around your hips, like claws.

“Just a minute.” He said, not even asking but then again, it’s not like he needed permission.

No matter how mad you were, you’d always let him hold you, always.

“Are you done now?” You breathed, not moving and his head connected with your pelvis, nuzzling the cold material of your jeans.

“Yes.” His answer was muffled and you sighed when you finally recognized his sweet voice, the one who was always whispering loving words to your ears.

“Good, I’ll go to sleep now.” You tried, hoping he’d let you go but he shook his head against you, and it almost felt like you were dealing with a child.

“Can we talk?” he said, his head rising and you could barely see his eyes against the dark.

“Now you want to talk?” You scoffed and heard him whine, one of these noises he kept for the most vulnerable moments.

“Yes. I feel like shit.”

“Oh I’m sorry I made you feel like shit. I’m such a mean girlfriend, you see.” Your voice made him tighten his hold around you.

“That’s not what I mean, you know it.” He said, raising his head to meet your annoyed face. You were thankful the place was so dark right now, because it was helping in keeping your anger toward him.

“I’m freezing, and tired.” You explained. You were the one who stayed out in the cold while he was sitting here, regretting his outburst.

“I can feel that. You’re shaking.”

“No, I’m shaking because I’m mad at you, and hurt.” You took a step back, preying your body out of his grip and he grunted.

“You know I didn’t mean any of this…” He tried, his arms going limp on the couch.

“You did. I thought you knew me better than that, but I guess I was wrong.” He looked totally powerless in front of you, shadow moving slowly to get up.

“I didn’t! I really didn’t. Please believe me.” He paused, and you felt his hand softly brushing against your shoulder. You couldn’t tell if he was trying to reassure you, or if he was trying to reassure himself. “I’m sorry.”

“Then you said it on purpose, to hurt me. It’s worse.” You didn’t want to cry again, mostly because it would result in showing your weakness, and you needed to be strong, to hold it in and show him you could be mad at him.

But you failed again, and a quiet sob escaped of your mouth, making him instantly come closer to hold you.

“You’re so stupid, Jinyoung. We were supposed to enjoy the evening, and you had to ruin everything!” You sniffed and he wrapped his arms around your shaking form, hating himself for being responsible of your miserable state.

“I’m sorry. Stop crying. Yell at me, curse, hit me, but don’t cry.” He pleaded. His fingers touched your face slightly and when he could finally get a good grip, his thumbs tried wiping the tears away, but you took a step back, surprising him again.

“This is too easy! I won’t play the push and pull game with you!” It felt good to stand your ground, and for once, you were able to resist his kindness, storming into the bedroom and leaving him alone in the warm living-room.

You violently wiped your tears and decided to head straight to bed. You rapidly took out your clothes and threw them on the floor –Jinyoung hated it- and scoffed, covering your cold body with the heavy comforter. There was no way you could sleep though.

Jinyoung rubbed his face tiredly and decided to wait a bit before going to bed. Usually, you’d forgive him easily after a small fight, because you knew he loved you, but for the first time you decided not to, and it was scaring him more than he’d admit it.

When he was almost sure you were sleeping, he tiptoed in the now dark bedroom and entered the bed like a thief.

He felt you shift away from him and rolled his eyes. So you were not sleeping, of course not. He knew you were a wreck when you were disturbed by something.

“I’m scared.” He said, looking at the ceiling and the stripes painted by the curtain’s shadows were hypnotizing.

He knew you wouldn’t answer so he continued.

“I’m missing a lot of things and it scares me. You’re doing with him all the things I should be the one making you do. I know this is not your fault, I’m frightened by the idea of you discovering you need someone else. I’m always scared.” He whispered and you shifted.

“So I said things I really didn’t mean. I didn’t do it just to hurt you, I just…said it. I don’t want you to grow out of love because I’m not what you thought I would be. You’re so much better than what I can offer, but I’m so selfish I want to keep you all for me only.” He couldn’t imagine how it’d feel to come back to Korea and find this place empty. He didn’t even want to think about it.

“I get that you’re mad, and you are totally right. But still, I want you to forgive me, if you can. I can’t give you any excuse, I was a jerk and that’s final. There’s really nothing else I could say except that. I’m sorry.”

You knew he was being honest. Jinyoung wasn’t the kind of man who could pull off such vicious game. If he was talking non-stop, stopping from time to time to think and shifting uncomfortably, then he was really pained by the situation. You knew his body language by heart.

But how could he think you’d stop loving him?

“And now I want to hold you, but I’m scared you’d push me away and tell me you don’t want to see my face. So I’m talking and trying to find a way to get close to you, but I can’t find anything.” He laughed bitterly and you smiled to yourself.

You hated when he was being cute.

“I love you. I missed you, too.” He said next and your body started to itch.

You wanted to hold him, too.

“You look beautiful with that new haircut. I noticed you cut your hair.” He should have said that way earlier, you thought.

You slowly turned around and peeked from under the comforter. He was looking at the ceiling, hands on his chest and smiling to himself. His cute wrinkles were screaming at you “kiss us! Kiss us!”

His now sad voice echoed in the room. “I didn’t get to see your smile, yet. I missed it.”

You slowly lifted a hand and brushed his jaw. He looked surprised for a minute, but slowly turned to face you, his arm going under his head for support.

“Forgive me?” He made a horribly cute face and you smiled.

If he was pulling off the cute card, then he must really have no other option.

You acquiesced and he smiled at you. He didn’t come closer, though.

You were the one initiating contact, and your body approached his, bare legs against the soft material of his pants and arms going into his hair, pulling them out of his face.

He closed his eyes and sighed, liking the way your fingers were sinking into his locks, massaging his scalp.

“You’re the stupidest man I’ve ever met, Park Jinyoung.” You whispered and he agreed instantly.

“I know.” He said and didn’t open his eyes when he felt your face coming closer.

“You don’t deserve my kisses.” You trailed off and he nodded again.

“I know.”

You pecked him slowly and felt an arm sneak around your waist, sticking your body close to his.

“Don’t ever say, imply, or even think I’m cheating on you.” You ordered and he nodded again, lifting his head to get more kisses.

“Never. Never never never.” He was way too caught up in the moment to think clearly, but he had understood the parts about not being an ass with his girlfriend.

“I missed you too.” You breathed and he smiled brightly, pulling on your body to roll both of you around and you found yourself on top of him.

“God, I thought you’d throw my luggage out the window like they do in movies.” He said between kisses all over your face and you scoffed.

“I should be doing that, but I’m way too nice to do that. Well, it’s not like you know anything about being nice, right?” You teased and he grunted against your face, still nodding.

“Whatever you say about me, I agree. I’m a bitch.”

“Yeah, you’re a pretty bitch. These are the worst.” You said and he stopped his kisses to look at you.

“Really. I’m sorry. I’m seriously sorry.” Jinyoung was rather surprising tonight. Usually he’d apologize once and move on, but it felt like he was disturbed by something.

“I know. I’m not going to break up with you. And I’m not going to escape with another man. Chill out, Jinyoung.” You sighed.

“I know I know! I’m not saying that-“

“Shut up. I just, need some nice moment right now.” You cut him.

“Anything you want.” He whispered and smiled, his wrinkles showing again and you whined in pain.

“Oh, the wrinkles…I missed them. Show me, show me again.” He laughed and they were even bigger.

You grabbed his face almost violently and your mouth left small kisses all over his face, making him hug you harder against him.

He suddenly felt so happy.

“I’m just going to enjoy for now because I don’t deserve this, but I swear Jinyoung, we need to sort this out.” Your voice was calm again and his heartbeat went crazy with stress, suddenly.

“Everything you want.” He hated himself for being so weak whenever you were close. He felt so fragile sometimes, he who was used to be in total control of the events in his life.

“But for now, give me love.” You concluded and he nodded, ready to heal your wounds with all he had.

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