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[deijalove]

[deijalove]

25 Black-owned bookstores you can support right now

while i don’t claim to be a “book blogger” by any account (more of a cranky publishing-person blogger most days), i know a lot of people have followed me through my book posts, so i’m taking advantage of that captive audience to boost these bookstores. shop them through their own websites and if you’re local, look into curbside pickup to minimize shipping costs and overhead. okay that’s all thanks bye stay safe.

the lit bar (a personal favorite and the bronx’s one remaining bookstore)

hariett’s bookshop

semicolon bookstore

mahogany books

uncle bobbie’s

loyalty bookstore

dare books

listening tree books

underground books

multicultural bookstore

pyramid books

black dot bookstore

brain lair books

medu bookstore

wild fig books and coffee

frugal bookstore

olive tree books

detroit book city

cafe con libros

revolution books

sisters uptown bookstore

source booksellers

hakim’s bookstore

sankofa books and cafe

turning page bookshop

[deijalove]

Black writers to support ❤️

@blackmissfrizzle @crushed-pink-petals-writes @honeychicanawrites @avintagekiss24 @breanime @blackwomanwriter @shaekingshitup @royallyprincesslilly @thotgomery @dangerouslovefanfic @xxshewritesinblacknwhitexx @munteanhore @night-of-the-living-shred @muse-of-mbaku @periodtcevans @nickysurfer28 @beautifullmelodyxx @melinaasap1 @lady-olive-oil @write-fromthe-start @laketaj24 @l-auteuse @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @twistedcharismaaa @ghostfacekill-monger @soulfood-fics @soufcakmistress @thickemadame @cicici03 @thadelightfulone @dreamingofmilk @artsninspo @alessiaase @thotmendes @uzumaki-rebellion @kumkaniudaku @teakturn @essaysbyciara @sarcastic-sunshines @xxdearlybeloved @persephones24 @marvelmaree @fumbling-fanfics @goddessofthundathighs @princessstevens @hearteyes-for-killmonger @theegoldenchild @sparklemichele  @carisi-dreams @imaginetrahs  @justniaaa @xxonoiroxx  @queenreignsempire @kayah16 @lavitabella87 @amethyst09 @bakarilennox @blackgirlimaginesmarvel @chaneajoyyy @daddy-killmonger @eye-raq @greezyscumbag @plussizeappreciationfics @thehomierobbstark @wakandamama @crxptidwater @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @celiaoday @undertakerandstephanie @superrezzy00 @bookscommaelle

Also everyone go and tell my wife @breanime ❣️ how much you love her and appreciate her. Read all of her work. It’s all amazing. Reblog, comment, interact. Tell her she’s a cutie. You can find her masterlist here.

Please add on and tag any other black writers from fandoms that you’re in (or that you know of) so that we can send more readers and love their way 🥰

Edit: I went in and added the tagged writers on this original post so that I can get everyone in one spot and no one gets lost in the notes. I don’t mean to annoy anyone with another mention, just trying to get everyone their exposure  💗 Updated on 9/19/20

[deijalove]

happy Thursday the 20th

[deijalove]

I need this good luck 🍀

This is the lucky clover cat. reblog this in 30 seconds & he will bring u good luck and fortune.

[deijalove]

I finally graduate from college

But I’m not sure what to do now. I’m trying to find a job but no one is hiring me. I had a couple of interview and still waiting for a call back. It took me five years to get my degree and I’m still not sure what do for a career. My major was in psychology and I thought it will help figure out what I really want to do. Over the past five years in school, I eventually realized that a career in psychology was great but not helpful finding a job. When I was in school majority of my psychology classes I failed more than once. I even have to take one psych class 5 times. But it was my fault, I never really pay attention in class and I just didn’t try my best to get good grades. I was jus fine having Cs in all my classes. I just wanted to pass the class I didn’t care what kind of grade I got. When I found out that I fail two classes last year and I had to come back fall 2019 I was hurt and just disappointed. I knew I was not doing will in those two classes but I thought I will still pass. I was hoping to be able to walk up the stage last May to get my diploma. I was not fully ready to go back last fall. I was not sure if I was able to come back last fall. The money that Financial aid gave me was very low. I thank God for my parents for help me to be able to take those two classses and give me all the support I needed. I know both of them were disappointed of me when I fail last spring semester. I did not want to fail them and I made sure that past both of those classes. I’m not going to lie but when I when back last fall semester to take those two classes, I was not full prepared. I just take God that I eventually pass because I was not fully ready to take those classes. I got very depressed during that time and I barely did my work. It was more like a miracle and my professor for passing me. If I had failed and I had to come back for the spring semester and I don’t think I would be able to finish. Now I’m just applying for jobs that could eventually be permanent. I need to figure out what I am good at and what the best career option for me.

[deijalove]

The Initiation | Trevante Rhodes x Black!Reader

A/N: I am crying in Bisexual right now! Thank you @babybluepeaches for this moodboard… once again, y’all in for some shit!

The Initiation Playlist

Content: Smut, variations of smut, angst, self-love exploration, some other stuff I’d rather you read about… there will be some triggering colorism & sizeism scenes, but they are short lived.

“WELL, FUCK YOU & FUCK THAT BITCH TOO!” You screamed into your phone before hanging up in his face. You threw your phone onto the other side of the couch stared aimlessly at the screen of your phone, looking at the last photo of you and your now ex-boyfriend Braxton. You both recently broke up… five years, five years of memories, five years of comforting each other, five years of lovemaking, five years of the best years of your life faded to nothing as he left you for some random bitch. You were heartbroken, but it has been four months and it’s time to stop thinking about a man that clearly gave no fucks about you as your best friend Precious would put it. 

You both have been thick as thieves since you were in diapers. You did everything together, down to your first lesbian experience. She was there through every heartbreak, every fail, every triumph, every growth in your life & vice versa. To say you both were inseparable was the hugest understatement you could say. You picked up a pre-rolled blunt from the mahogany coffee table and lit it up, taking a deep toke your head rolled back as you looked up at the ceiling. The lights of the Atlanta skyline mixed with the sunset illuminated your rich, deep melanated skin. That asshole Braxton never liked that you smoked weed, he always said it was unladylike whatever the fuck that bullshit meant. 

He didn’t like a lot of what you loved to do to be quite honest. He didn’t like the clothes you would wear or buy. He tried to force your 9th ward, New Orleans ass to become vegan. He always tried to suggest skin lighting products on you, even went as far as to slip skin bleaching “pills” into your vitamins. There was HELL to pay on that night for damn sure! He constantly compared you to fairer complected women. He despised that you and Precious would often go out together. Always accusing her of being loose and how associating herself with her best friend will make her the same way.

Precious couldn’t stand him either and his unwarranted side jabs at her weight. Also saying how “plus-sized modeling isn’t real modeling.” Now that you think about it… that fuck nigga low key did you a favor! You sunk deeper into your off-white leather couch then your phone rang. You saw it was P then you picked it up. “Hey sis, wassup?” you adjusted yourself in your seat. “Y/N, I need you to get dressed!” Your eyebrow raised. “What for?” you rightfully questioned. “My boo and I are going out and I set you up on a blind date.” you couldn’t have sucked your teeth any harder. “Girl, you don’t listen to me when I tell you I am NOT interested in no blind date.” you belted out as you rolled your eyes.

“First of all, take that bass out yo speaker box sis! And secondly, I’m not asking you to marry the nigga; only to get out the house to get some prime grade A dick in yo system to forget about that ol fuck boy!” Precious responded. “I don’t need dick P, I just need time to myself. And I am okay in that department so I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you retorted in a lie. Braxton was built average at BEST and when it came to sex he was the least affectionate human being on earth. He wouldn’t look into your eyes, perform any foreplay or even hold you. 

“Bitch, I know you a fucking lie! As if Braxton shrimp dick could EVER! Don’t insult my intelligence like that ever again best friend. Now get that ass dressed we picking you up, I’d drag that ass outside naked if I have to! Shit, that might make your night better for you and your date anyway.”  you huffed. “FINE! I’ll go I guess, what’s his name?” “First off that’s not important, second of all what makes you think it’s a he?” “Girl you bet n-” you heard the dreaded iPhone hang up tone as she ended the call. You kissed your teeth as you dragged yourself to your closet.

You pulled out a red bodycon type dress. As much as you hate to admit it, Precious was right & you need to get out the apartment. And who knows maybe this blind date is exactly what you need. Hopefully, ol dude is not ugly or boring. You took a quick shower to wash away the day and you oiled up yourself. You sprayed your favorite perfume, styled your hair and got dressed. You heard a persistent knock on the door, you slipped on your favorite heels and headed to the door. When you and precious saw each other you both squealed and hugged each other.

“LOOK AT YOU! OMG!” you hyped up your best friend as she twirled around dramatically in your living room leaving traces of her black girl magic all over the place. “Come through shoooooooooes!” you squealed. Precious laughed. “But look at you though, Y/N! SIS, you working this red & those shoes look so gorgeous on you! “Aw thank you my love!” they both giggled and carried on, forgetting that precious’ boyfriend was right behind them. “Are y’all two done? We gon be late to the lounge .” he groaned. “Boy, we’ll get there. You bug too much!” Precious sucked her teeth at her boyfriend of three years Y’lan.

“I’m so sorry Y’lan, come in. How are you?” You gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “You both look lovely, now can we please head to the spot. It’s bad enough you prissy ass friend over here took her sweet time getting dressed. Precious snapped her neck around so hard her bundles almost hit you in the face. “Excuse you, but all meals are prepared, cleaned, seasoned, marinated & BAKED to perfection. And you sir, are too used to fast food.” You began to laugh at Precious as Y’lan rolled his eyes. “You lucky I love your pretty ass.” Y’lan began to walk out the door.  “Hmph, you lucky I even let you on my level.” “Oop!” you yelped quickly after Precious replied.

You all hopped in Y’Lan’s Lincoln Navigator. “I like this, I like it a lot.” you complimented the new car. “So where’s your friend? Are we picking him up?” you asked a little more enthusiastic than you should. “Thank you & nah, he said he’ll meet us there.” he replied. Precious side eyed you in a smirk, you mouthed “stop it” to her and she silently chuckled as she turned back around. “You babe, take out my phone & text Tre, tell him we’re here.” Y’lan motioned to Precious. “Sure thing!” she took out his phone & began texting him.

“Trey?!” you exclaimed. “I hope you don’t mean Trey Songz?!” your hair was turning white. “Girl Bye! I would never do you dirty like that!” Precious & Y’lan both cackled at you. “Whatever, she knows I hate blind dates with a passion! Remember Ronald back in college?!” “Oh Lord Jesus! Ronald, Y/N I am so sorry. I honest to God had no clue he was even like that.” she continued to laugh. “What happened with Ronald?” Y’lan asked. You huffed and shook your head. “Ronald was one of those ‘I left my wallet at home.’ ass niggas.” “What?! No fucking way!” Y’lan exclaimed. “My nigga YES! He asked me to pay on our first date? Like who the fuck does that?!” “Did you pay?” Y’lan raised an eyebrow and you scoffed. “FUCK NO! I went into the bathroom & slipped my thick ass through the window and hailed a cab to get home.” 

Precious started cracking at the visual of that night. “I remember when you got back to the dorm, you were pissed as HELL!” “You have no clue sis, he probably still there washing dishes. Had the audacity to order filet mignon AND lobster tail, boy bye!” “You didn’t even tell him the best part.” Precious added. “Oh yeah, come to find out this fool was married to some woman in Jamaica who has to send him money!” “What?! You lying!” Y’lan was shocked. “If I’m lying, I’m flying! He had several relationships with other girls all across campus & even some faculty. Gotten a girl pregnant & made his yardie ass wife pay for the abortion.” you added. “That’s some crazy shit! And you didn’t know he was like that?!” Y’lan looked at Precious.

“I really didn’t, he seemed like a cool dude and he always dressed nice & smelled good. So I thought, shit why not?! I almost dated him, but I was too focused on pulling these modeling gigs.” Precious pleaded. “If I knew he was like that, I would’ve never set y’all up. I was honestly pissed for you.” Precious looked back to reassure you. “Aight, well let’s not have a repeat of College shall we?” you crossed your arms & legs with a raised eyebrow. “Oh hell nah, my boy won’t do that to you. And I wouldn’t let him… I’d kick his ass.” Precious chuckled. “Ok, Floyd Mayweather.” “Nah, but for real Y/N, you’re in good hands with us and even my homeboy. He’s a stand-up guy.” Y’lan comforted you.

You three pulled up to the Glenn Hotel and all exited the car and Y’lan handed the valet the keys. Precious held you close to her as encouragement. She then walked with Y’lan hand in hand and Precious held your hand as you three walked into the lobby, you then turned right & walked down a short flight of stairs to the hotel bar. Y’lan sat both you and your best friend down on the couches near the bar, then checked his phone. “Aight, so Tre just hit me up and he’s coming down. Imma meet him by the elevators so don’t move.” he quickly looked at Precious. “I mean it.” She raised both eyebrows. “Ok Daddy, shit.” she chuckled as he walked away shaking his head.

“I need at least one drink in me cause I’m nervous as shit.” you confessed as you anxiously gripped the orange throw pillow.  “Girl, the bar is right there. But drink it fast cause they gon pull up on us any minute now. You got up and shuffled your feet quickly to the bar and grabbed a mojito and sucked down the drink quicker than you got it. The bartender watched you in awe and slightly in fear as well. You nervously paid him then rushed back to your seat looking around you. And not even a few seconds later, you turned to see Y’lan with a Tall, dark skin man who was well built even with his suit on. He was a marvel to look at, you thanked God that you bought that drink cause you would’ve been even more nervous at this Ebony Adonis making his way towards you.

Your brain wanted to get up, but your body just couldn’t move. Then this attractive stranger had the audacity to reveal his perfect smile to you without any warning. Both you and Precious were both so enchanted by his presence that neither one of your could hear Y’lan speaking. “Um, ladies?” “Huh?” you snapped out back in reality. “This is my homeboy, Trevante Rhodes. Tre, this is my girl Precious that I told you about and her friend Y/N.” you silently gulped. “Hi, how are you?” you smiled. “Oh, I’m doing a lot better now. How about you, pretty lady with a pretty name?” his baritone moistened your panties almost instantly. “I-I’m great.” you tried to laugh off your lustful nervousness. 

He reached out for your hand and you unhesitatingly obeyed. He raised you out of your seat by the hand and slowly kissed your hand. You were hoping he could kiss in between your legs this passionately. “Y’lan, you didn’t tell me that you got me on a date with a model?” He slowly released your hand and placed it in his pocket. You giggled like a schoolgirl if you didn’t have your rich brunette skin tone you would be blushing. Precious is still sitting down, watching the back & forth between you & Trevante; completely ignoring Y’lan. “I’m actually not a model, I am actually a junior partner at The Seay Law Firm; I’m an entertainment lawyer.” the liquor started taking over, loosening you up. 

“Oh, so she beautiful and smart… I like that a lot.” he bit his lip while staring into your eyes. “I think this is gonna be a great night.” he continued, neither one of you are breaking from each other’s gaze. “So we just stand here all night or we heading to the sky lounge?” Y’lan looked at us. You and Tre broke each other’s trance and looked at Y’lan. “Um y-yeah, we should go before it get too crowded.” Tre replied. He then presented his arm and you tucked yours under his, Y’lan did the same with Precious and they began to walk inside the elevator together.

The mojito you had earlier must’ve had an extra kick or something, cause your body heat began to steadily rise. You looked up to who seems unphased by anything. Trying to keep the mood from earlier going you began speaking with Tre. “So Tre.” your hand gently squeezed his firm, muscular bicep to grab his attention. “Hmm?” he looked down at your warm expression. “Is this your first blind date?” you asked. “Um, kinda… see my other homeboy back home tried to when I was in high school, but she stood me up so I kinda never cared for it after that.” he shrugged. “Who the fuck would stand your fine ass up?!” Precious quickly interjected. “Bitch must’ve been trippin!” she scoffed.

 Trevante began laughing loudly as Y’lan glared at her. “What? She is, her loss.” His laugh subconsciously made you laugh into his sleeve and you mistakenly took a blessed whiff of his cologne. He smelled so good, he smelled of sweet Bergamont and soft notes of vanilla, blended well cocoa butter. You inhaled the sweetness of his aroma, your body was still feeling a lil hot. You shifted your legs a little bit for comfort as you attempted to regain what little composure you had left. The swift movement caused your thighs to rub together, you involuntarily released a quick moan.

Your eyes opened wide at the realization of what you had done, it seems as if Precious and Y’lan didn’t notice so you sighed and You turned to meet Tre’s deep brown eyes. He lowered his perfectly plump lips to your delicate ear and whispered: “Your secret is safe with a real one.” Your jaw dropped, then you looked at Tre who began to smirk. Your eyes quickly widened at how calm he was saying that to you, then the elevator doors opened and all four of you walked out onto the elegant rooftop.

“This is so gorgeous!” you enthused. “Yeah, it’s pretty dope up here.” Tre responded. “Let’s go sit over there.” Precious pointed at the comfortable looking couches by the corner. “Aight, bet.” the gentlemen agreed and they sat you both down. “You good sweetheart?” Tre asked you. “Yeah, I’m good. But I’m starving.” you answered. “Yeah, me too… go get us some food please babe?” Precious kissed Y’lan. “Sure thing baby girl.” The men got up and headed to the bar. “Girl, Trevante is fine as hell! Damn, you lucky!” Precious whispered. “Y’lan is fine too, girl stop it.” “Of course he is, but I never met Trevante before tonight.” “Are you serious?” you looked confused.  “Yeah, I met a few of his other friends and Issa Rae. But never met Trevante apparently, he just finished up filming Predator so he got some time off before press junkets & stuff.” You nodded while looking at Trevante & Y’lan’s direction.

The men started walking back towards the both of you. “I hope y’all like wings and we got y’all some drinks.” Trevante smiled wide. “Thank you so much & I love wings!” you enthused. “Good, but what else do you like?” Tre sat down next to you with his arm across the back of the couch. “I love music, dancing and I when I was in high school I loved track.” “Oh really?! I ran track all through High School & College!” Tre’s smile got wider. “Oh wow, that’s wassup!” you matched his energy. “What school did you run for?” he probed. “De La Salle High.” you took a sip of your Mai Tai. 

“De La Salle? That’s in New Orleans isn’t it?” Tre’s southern drawl was coming through. “9th Ward, born and raised.” you proudly proclaimed. “Well I was born an hour away in Ponchatoula.” he smiled.  “Oh okay, my Auntie Maxine used to live over that way.” you continued. “Wait, is your Auntie the one that makes that one Gumbo with the extra crab legs & feeds the whole block?” “Yep, that’s one.” you giggled. “No shit! Miss Maxine is your auntie?! This is wild, small world huh?” “Yeah, small world.” you smiled back at him. “My late condolences for her passing.” Tre rubbed your back gently. 

“Thank you, she lived a good life even when she was sick. I was glad she brought a lot of joy to many people before she passed. It’s what brought us together right?” you inched closer to Tre and softly rubbed his leg. He quickly looked up at you and cleared his throat. “Right.” you both locked eyes, mentally deafening the room as you both were entranced by each other’s presence. Then you heard an:  “A-hem.” you both broke your trance to look over at Precious waving at you both with Y’lan sitting next to each other. “I’m glad you both are enjoying each other company, but Y/N can we head to the ladies room real quick?” You shot a quick look at Tre then back at your friend. “Sure, yeah.” you got up and both of you walked into the restroom.

“Girl, what was that?” Precious went straight for your jugular. “What was what?” you shrugged. “Girl, you were damn near about to hop on his lap. Slow the hell down.” she warned. “Whatchu mean? We just getting to know each other. Wasn’t it your idea to drag me out on the blind ass date in the first place?” “Yes, to get you out the house and focus on something else other than your job and that bum that left. Not to get sprung and risk ending up back where you started.” Precious retorted. “I’m grown sis, I never said I was gonna marry the nigga. But how often do you meet a man that is attractive, smart, athletic, makes his own money, grew up practically down the street from you and likes black women?”

Precious was silent. “Oh okay then, so let me do my thing & let nature run its course. It’s only gonna go as far as I allow anyways. If he’s anything like Y’lan, he won’t do anything untoward to me; I am confident of that.” “Ok Y/N, after what Braxton has put you through… I’m just a lil apprehensive, but I still think you’re moving too fast, too soon.” Precious sighed. “Look P, I get it. But you need to trust me okay? Besides, I ain’t tryna marry the nigga! The only reason why I came out tonight is because I just wanna have some long overdue fun tonight. you giggled.

“Don’t even trip bestie, I’ll be straight; you worry too much.” You tightly hugged Precious, then once you released your embrace and started kissing her on the lips. When you slowly stepped away from her, you cleared your throat before you spoke. “We better head back to the fellas, they’re waiting on us.” You motioned towards the door. “Y-Yeah, we should go. Precious sheepishly replied. You both started heading out of the restroom to resume the rest of the night with each other’s dates.

*TAG LIST*

@wakandas-vibranium @killmoncoochie @maya-leche @vanitykocaine @chaneajoyyy@panthergoddessbast @texasbama @theultimateblacknerdwithglasses @shesfromwakanda @hearteyes-for-killmonger @nemesispawn @kreolemami@babybluepeaches @vikkidc @adahjones @muse-of-mbaku @sonofnjobu @thehomierobbstark @plushbunniie @xxthotii @cawifornia @wakandamama @wakandantings @yoyolovesbucky @royallyprincesslilly @killmongerdispussy @dramaqueenamby @blowmymbackout @hidden-treasures21  @teheeboo  @enigmaticaphrodite @ramenfallsbutnotudon @randomwordprompts @uhlxis @caleyamil @therevolution-willbelive @kumkaniudaku @blackgirloneshots @babygirlofwakanda @babygirl-bri @stressedgyal @iamrheaspeaks @tierrabc @heyauntieeee @bakarijordan @awkwardlyabstract @misspooh @hearteyes-for-killmonger @killmongersgurl @crexyonce @slimmiyagi @princesskillmonger @blackgirlmarvel @90sinspiredgirl  @sithlordslut @thorsthot @drsunshine97 @theunsweetenedtruth @njadont @hoopshoney @ravenreaperkilljoy @constantlycravingtheunknown @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @amethyst1993 @eriknutinthispoosy @wakanda-inspired @simplyyamberr @wakandawinning @steampunkprincess147

[deijalove]

Trevante please😊😊

TagList

Hey guys, a lot of you have been asking about being on certain taglist and I actually only have one but I realize not everyone likes everybody so I’m splitting it into Four! (One for Trevante, One for Erik, One for everyone else called “Others” (That includes T’Challa and M’Baku bc I feel I don’t write enough for either of them to give them their own tag), and the last will be for EVERYTHING (Erik, Trevante, M’Baku, T’Challa, John Boyega, Bucky, Steve, literally anybody)

So here’s how you tell me:

Reply or Reblog Specifically with what you want to be tagged in. Reblogs without answers and likes are just gonna be ignored.

That’s it.

So yeah, eventually I’m gonna stop using my old tag list altogether, and I love when you guys message me, just not about tagging because I know I won’t do it right then and I won’t remember to go back and do it either. So it looks like I ignored y’all and I don’t want anyone to feel like that. I’ll try to link this post to my new fics coming out (shooting to release at least three this week 😬😬) and I’ll Reblog it periodically in case anyone missed it.

Anyway I’ve rambled long enough. Love y’all and hope this post is efficient!! 💕🧡💕🧡💕

EDIT: Please when asking, put one of the four options below, not specific stories or people if they’re not an option below and Please do not ask me in my inbox, I won’t remember to go back. The four options are

Trevante

Erik

Others

Everything

What each category is comprised of is listed above. Thank you so much for y’all patience, I know this system’s a little crazy but its so much easier than going under every story and looking and/or looking at old asks. Feel free to reblog it if you’ve already answered just to spread it around because I know a lot of my readers haven’t seen this post 🧡💕🧡💕🧡 And again thanks y’all, I really am trying to not exclude anybody !

[deijalove]

[deijalove]

If you need Plan B, here’s a printable $10 off coupon. 

[deijalove]

Will I Ever Change

I feel like the same old little kid who had a hard time talking to people and always needed someone to speak up for me. I am 23 years old and I feel Iike I will never change.Some of the main issues I have is school. I was supposed to graduate last year in May. I went to summer school and try my best in the fall and spring semester. But I still was not able to graduate this May. I told myself in the beginning of January I will muke sure I’ll put my school work first. I say this ever semester when I start my classes.I’ll be on top of it but eventually I lose interest. This spring semester I will either be on social media (Twitter or Instagram) for hours and not trying to finish up my work. I been doing this for couple years now, but this year just got worse. This is one of the reasons why I fail two of my classes and did not graduate this May. My parents were so upset especially my mom. She only was worry about how embarrassing it would because some of my family were planning on coming. She did not want them to come and see that I did not get a diploma. But I really did not care for graduation, I just wanted the diploma and finally leave my school. I still have to go back for the fall and take those classes and I fell a shame going back. Even though it just one semster, I just don’t feel like I ready to take this two classes again. There is one class that I failed four time and have to take it again. Everytime I told this class I would only study the last minute and fail the tests and the final paper. The last time I told this class I was doing well on the homework but the tests really mess me up. The next class I have to retake was my first time take it and it was hard class. Everyone who took this class know it going to be hard and you are going to do a lot of work. This class main focus was writing a research paper, a Comprehensive exam, response essay and know everything you learn for all the classes that you took for your major. I was doing pretty well in the class but still pretty close to failing. I did so bad on the comprehensive exam all I did was pray that I do well in the research paper and pass the class. When I saw my grade for the paper my heart just drop and I couldn’t stay focus the hold rest of the day. I knew I wasn’t going to have a good grade but I didn’t think I’ll do so back that I will fail the class. Once I saw that grade the only thing I was thinking about all the things I should had done to prevent this for happening. I Told myself I will start this paper early and go see my professor to look over it before the due date. I only went to go see my professor twice for my paper and wasted so much time that I was up all night trying to get this paper done. The paper was due Saturday at 12pm but I still managed to procrastinate and started to finish the paper at 8 am. I had weeks to edit and have the paper look neat and organized. But instead I waited for the last minute to finish it. This is something that I do a lot often and this spring semester it just got worse. One of the main reasons i start my work late is that I have lack of motivation when it come to my school work. The moment I go on my computer to start a paper I will dose off in space, feel sleepy or be on social media. I will never finish my work head of time and I hate it. Another issue that I go through is my writing. I’m having difficult times with my spelling and grammar. Once again I keep on tell my self that I need to work on my writing or make sure someone look over my paper but I never do. I really want to change for the good and to be able to say I am proud of myself. I feel like I am able to change but just don’t have the motivation to do so. I want to graduate from college by December 2019 and start on my career. I need to make some decisions and changes that would help me do well in school and in my life.

[deijalove]

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

sorry followers :(

[deijalove]

I’ll just leave this here

[deijalove]

Tiredness

I being sleepy all day and did not get a good night sleep last night. I have to start my work but I don’t want to. I don’t have a choice.

[deijalove]

“Keep a smile on your face, it’s the best accessory you can wear” - Anonymous #smile

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@michaelbjordan why are you so fine 😍😍😘 #mcm

[deijalove]

You Cant Understand

You Cant Understand Yes I need all the strength that I can get. Obesessing over you is what I cant see fit. Understanding is what I really am trying not to forget. Caring for you is a crime I see. And loving you is another, you best believe. Nothing I do for you is right, and everything I do is wrong. Telling you I love you is a mission I cant do alone. Utter disobedience is all I ever do compared to what you do. Not getting to the point is something that leaves me so blue. Dangerously walking on egg shells around you it seems. Editing my life, like its a real bad movie. Remembering all the good times we shared. Standing here at these paths that will lead me to know where. Taking my life and willing myself to care. And nothing really seems to matter any more. Not even now because you are walking out the door. Damn you will never understand!!!! Written by Yashica Hodges