deizlevr

[deizlevr]

life diary 2 - i'm so done

hiya.. been almost a month since i've last written something. i was actually planning on doing it way earlier but i procrastinate so much @_@ as you can see i do struggle with habits!

currently blasting "watch me!" by yoasobi. witch watch is such a great anime, this is almost making me want to read and buy the mangas (which would be really funny considering i own all of sket dance and kanata no astra. kenta shinohara the king that you are).

i'm going back home in less than 2 weeks!!!! i cant waiiiit i'm so done being here.

the classes have been awful. the people i live with are awful. it truly has been one of the worst experience of my life and i just want to forget about it :D this whole year has been one of my worst in so long.

anyway i'm currently in my exam period... and i have all of my written exams next week and i haven't started learning anything. not like i care much considering im going to re-do my whole year in another uni... i'll do the bare minimum i guess.

the thought of going back home is honestly keeping me alive at this point. but when i'll go back home i'll just want to be far from my parents again so :-). i need to find myself a flat before september, i just NEEEED to live alone.

the past month has been completely uneventful. i went climbing/bouldering last friday. my fingers have been completely destroyed, my muscles hurted for like 5 days afterward but it was a great workout honestly. maybe if i can find somewhere cheap or free when im back home i could see myself going once or twice.

last saturday i went tree climbing with friends, and im going back next saturday with other friends as well. my first time was last month, i went without knowing what to expect so i felt like it wasnt as scary compared to last week?? but also my muscles were hurting soooo

i saw cute german boy (hes actually ethnically russian hahaha) once again, we spent the evening together with other friends and he's coming saturday as well. a blessing for the eyes (i look like shit)

anyway as the title says.. i'm so done with everything

please save me </3

[deizlevr]

life diary 1 - heavy thoughts

i've been wanting to write about myself and my feelings, even though i always tend to abandon doing this at some point. maybe i need to force myself to persevere.. let's just say "habits" are not really habits with me because i always end up not doing them anymore after a few days/weeks.

so rather than bothering people by text messages, i might as well write it on the internet and leave a "trace" of myself (albeit an unknown one).

currently blasting waterparks' debut album "double dare". i wanted to listen to take her to the moon on loop, but turns out spotify flopped and didn't take into account when i clicked on the repeat 1 song button. (really good album and overall band btw, my discovery of the week).

anyway.. i'm currently in germany for an erasmus exchange, i've been for 3 months already and i'm leaving in 6 weeks. the perfect time to make a point in my life.

i've been wanting to go on an erasmus semester for sooo long now and i finally get to do it! my first semester of master's was absolutely boring.. and turns out this semester is just as boring.

from the lack of choices for the classes to the classes themselves, there hasn't been a lot of enjoyable things in uni. at least the german a1 classes are really nice and i adore learning new languages, so it's definitely a pleasure to go to class for that.

but other than that... i go to classes to not learn anything? what's the point of having a teacher if the students actually have to present the papers we have to read. what's the point of having a teacher if we're just going to talk about a 40-pages long chapter..?

i've been told today by a german student in bachelor's that their classes are more interesting, and maybe it's due to me doing a master's. well.

other than that, i live in a shared house with... 12 other students. twelve. i thought i was hallucinating when i discovered that few days before arriving. and let's just say some nationalities seem to lack any kind of basic respect. and overall a lot of people seem to lack basic manners (like why are you speaking loudly in the stairs past midnight... cooking with the kitchen door open to make sure everyone can smell your onions or fried food...)

but the people in my master's class are lovely. the german people i met are really nice, and on a positive note some people in my house are really nice as well.

if we consider i spend 50% of my time in the house and 30% in uni.. does it mean i only enjoyed 20% of my stay here..?

i feel like this has been an awful year overall. and the bad news keep arriving. i wanted to change uni for my 2nd (and final!) year of master's... but i won't be able to. so i'll either have to stay in my current uni and that's definitely something i don't want to do.

or i'll have to re-do my first year in the uni i wanted to go to. which means losing once again a year (that would be the 5th one...) and graduating from uni once for all.. one year later.

but at least i'm supposed to have an apprenticeship so i'll have 2 years of experience when i graduate.

but do i care about that? i don't know. i really need to think about it but i'm not sure i want to. i just want to be done already and escape from my life.

but done with the gloomy thoughts.

the city is really pretty and i live close to the countryside(-ish) so i can enjoy really long walks in the nature. and there are so. many. ducks!!! i love it. and for once they're not that afraid of people. and the events for intl students have been really fun!

also

today

it was a wonderful day

i met what might be the most beautiful man i've seen in my life. bless the german people. beautiful blue eyes, a straight nose, freaking freckles!! and a really nice voice.

i'm in awe

and also jealous

beause i looked like shit today!!