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Dunya Mikhail, from Diary of a wave outside the sea (trans. Elizabeth Winslow and Dunya Mikhail) [ID'd]

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Well, it’s always a battle ….indeed

Judith L. Herman, Trauma and Recovery

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I am so busy keeping my head above water that I scarcely know who I am, much less who anyone else is.

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Matt McCormick

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Anne Carson, The Beauty of the Husband

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Ocean Vuong, from “Not Even”, Time Is a Mother

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Antonio Porchia, Voices (trans. W.S. Merwin) [transcript in ALT]

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Ada Limón, from "Crush", Sharks in the Rivers

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Is it crazy how the only thing that brings me any sort of peace is scrolling through reels that give me advice

And sometimes music….

Reel scrolling is not productive but it makes me feel so much better knowing there are other people in the world who feel the same, who are also striving toward success

This is truly the most isolated I have ever been in my life

And it’s hard, it’s really hard to be almost completely alone

And it’s even harder when you no longer trust people the way you used to

There are more walls, and truly I thought I already had them.

My goal is not to define myself by my pain

But to remember it as a lesson to move forward and make better choices

To listen to my instincts and to be more aware and heed my own observations

But it brings my soul deep sadness knowing that I was seeing the entire world and my entire life through rose colored glasses.

My friends, all that I held dear was viewed through a misconstrued lens

It’s an emptiness I am trying to fix

There’s one other thing I haven’t tried yet and that is a no buy

I still find too much distraction in “purchases” I need to flip it into productivity

So I have myself set on a 6 month no buy

I am hoping this brings the change I need and reshifts my focus, again as I continue to learn on this journey of creating an independent and stable life …. So that is anything would happen I can surely take care of myself emotionally and physically

I don’t know if I necessarily worry about being alone anymore

I don’t think anything is the way I thought it was and that just makes things seem less…. Enjoyable

A strong mind sees opportunity

There is opportunity to succeed

But what is success without the rest of it

Family love friendship and exciting nights with intense intellectual conversation about business and growth and the universe and spirituality

None of it is worth it without those things

But I have to come out the other side to see if it still exists in a world that is based on healthy mature relationships

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Summer was anger with the expectation that you were coming back

Fall was sadness

Winter was stillness and ache

Spring was acceptance and bargaining

& one full trip around the sun in exactly one month from today….

Summer is looking like emptiness

Idk what comes after emptiness but I do sincerely hope it’s something that makes it all worth it

It is still hard for me to connect with anyone and it seems I don’t even recognize myself behind the camera anymore

Who am I now?

Separate of you?

Where am I buried and how do I get back the pieces of me I loved

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Are they second-hand embarrassed

That I can't get out of bed?

Cause something counterfeit's dead

It was legendary

It was momentary

It was unnecessary

Should've let it stay buried

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Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

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Louise Glück, from "Blue Rotunda", Averno

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The Thanksgiving

Lights hung in the kitchen

Boisterous family howling in celebration

My red dress

Your classic denim

I shined for him

As You carved the turkey

I glanced in your direction

I could sense your soul

We were always so connected

Saddened & alone

That’s when You began to let go….

Shutting me out

With the man I was to marry

If I would have known

Would things have been different

Or no matter the circumstances

would you have left me in the cold.

-ST

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Theodore Roethke, from "Plaint", The Collected Poems of Theodore Roethke [ID'd]