demons-in-me

[demons-in-me]

i will not die of natural causes, i will end it myself

[demons-in-me]

I'm so tired of feeling like this.

[demons-in-me]

every year i reach new lows and wish i killed myself earlier

[demons-in-me]

no one needs me anyway.

[demons-in-me]

No matter what i do, the thought of ending everything is always on my mind. I cant take this for much longer before I give in..

[demons-in-me]

life feels so pointless.

I don't know why I'm here.

[demons-in-me]

If they only knew....

[demons-in-me]

I want to kill myself but i am afraid I will Wake up

[demons-in-me]

[demons-in-me]

“thoughts like tides”

it starts as a whisper,

soft, like the brush of waves on sand.

a fleeting thought,

a momentary pause,

then gone—

until it isn’t.

it comes back louder,

a tide swelling in my chest,

pulling me toward its depths.

not dramatic, not desperate,

just tired—

so unbearably tired.

I think about it like a door,

quietly waiting to be opened,

offering a way out of the noise,

the ache,

the endless weight of being.

but then I think of the ripples.

how the tide doesn’t stop

when it takes me.

how the waves would crash

into the ones I love.

and so I sit with it,

this thought that feels like comfort

and cruelty all at once.

I let the tide come,

let it recede.

I’m still here,

still breathing,

still waiting

for the waters to calm.

[demons-in-me]

“halfway to nowhere”

it’s not the end that terrifies me—

it’s the middle.

the moment after the leap,

when gravity pulls,

but the ground never comes.

what if I’m caught between

this life and something worse?

what if the attempt becomes

another scar they’ll make me carry?

I’m afraid of waking up

to pity in their eyes,

to the sharp sting of survival

when I begged for release.

they’ll say, “you’re lucky to be alive,”

but how can luck feel like chains?

how can I explain

that I didn’t want saving—

I just wanted stillness?

so I stay here,

on this edge of indecision,

afraid of the fall

and afraid of the climb.

a prisoner to the fear of failing

even at letting go.

My whole life is one cruel, fucked up joke.

[demons-in-me]

Im tired of grieving for what i’ll never have

[demons-in-me]

[demons-in-me]

I'm so sick of myself and I don't understand how anybody can stand me

[demons-in-me]

I want to just sob for hours, I feel so disgusting

[demons-in-me]

I’m ending it tonight.

[demons-in-me]

It isn’t a good day today. Just wanna cry. Hope it gets better soon