demuredesire

[demuredesire]

My default setting is assuming people don’t want to talk to me

[demuredesire]

There is literally nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so do not expect yourself to do so.

[demuredesire]

“she was my first love..”

—

she was my first love and we were madly in love. however, I was too young for serious relationships and chose career over love.

Now I’m 30, recently I met her in a shopping center, she’s now happily married and has a son. We sat in a cafe for four hours talking about everything, we both confessed we had the best time of our lives together.

well I came home and simply burst into tears,  how stupid I was to exchange the love of my life for all this.

Don’t let “your" people go.

- Anonymous Author

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[demuredesire]

[demuredesire]

so the cah pride pack has options for buying it “with glitter" and “without glitter” and knowing cards against humanity they just tip like 3 tablespoons of fucking glitter into the pack of cards and send it out

[demuredesire]

America is the world’s largest terrorist state.

[demuredesire]

Honestly something that bothers me more than most things is having my compassion mistaken for naivety.

I know that another fish might eat this bullfrog right after I spend months rehabilitating it.

I know that turning a beetle back onto its legs won’t save it from falling over again when I walk away.

I know that there is no cosmic reward waiting for my soul based on how many worms I pick off a hot sidewalk to put into the mud, or how many times I’ve helped a a raccoon climb out of a too-deep trashcan. 

I know things suffer, and things struggle, and things die uselessly all day long. I’m young and idealistic, but I’m not literally a child. I would never judge another person for walking by an injured bird, for ignoring a worm, or for not really caring about the fate of a frog in a pond full of, y’know, plenty of other frogs.

There is nothing wrong with that.

But I cannot cannot cannot look at something struggling and ignore it if I may have the power to help.

There is so much bad stuff in this world so far beyond my control, that I take comfort in the smallest, most thankless tasks. It’s a relief to say “I can help you in this moment,” even though they don’t understand.

I don’t need a devil’s advocate to tell me another fish probably ate that frog when I let it go, or that the raccoon probably ended up trapped in another dumpster the next night.

I know!!!! I know!!!!!!! But today I had the power to help! So I did! And it made me happy!

So just leave me alone alright thank u!!!!

[demuredesire]

[demuredesire]

The thing I hate most about depression is that it tricks you into thinking you don’t have depression. It makes you think that nothing is wrong with you, that you just feel this way because you lack value as a person. Whether that’s in your relationships, your academics, or a view of yourself, it makes you think you aren’t good enough for any of that.

“It’s not the illness,” it says, “You feel this way because it’s who you are.”

[demuredesire]

[demuredesire]

[demuredesire]

Between the Lines - Chapter 9

Ben starts to fall for his best friend, but by the time he realizes, it may already be too late.

This isn’t your typical Reylo fic. It isn’t going to be ERMAGERD BEN LUVS REY AND DEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

This is based on a true story woven from personal experience, and much like life, things don’t always go as planned.

———————————————————————————————

January went by faster than Ben wanted it to.

Alyx was spending most nights at Hux’s now, and Ben rarely ever saw her outside of work. Most of the time, they avoided each other, but when they happened to be in the same room together, the tension was so thick you could cut could it with a knife.

Ben did his best to pretend nothing had happened, that everything was normal, but Alyx certainly didn’t. She did everything in her power to depict Ben as the bad guy, that he was the reason for their failing marriage. To anyone on the outside looking in, her story was nothing short of the truth. Everyone in the restaurant had seen the way Ben acted around Rey, the way he would go out of the way to help her if she was in the weeds, the way he talked to her, the way he looked at her, so it wasn’t far-fetched to believe that he had abandoned her for Rey...

Read the whole chapter on AO3

[demuredesire]

where’s that video of the naked crackhead literally running the speed of a moving car and I use the term literally literally he was deadass keeping up with the car

[demuredesire]

Between the Lines - Chapter 8

Ben starts to fall for his best friend, but by the time he realizes, it may already be too late.

This isn’t your typical Reylo fic. It isn’t going to be ERMAGERD BEN LUVS REY AND DEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

This is based on a true story woven from personal experience, and much like life, things don’t always go as planned.

——————————————————————————————-

December was the worst.

They had all made it back without from New York without killing each other. They had agreed that they would pretend nothing happened for the remainder of the trip. When Ben and Rey came back to the room, Alyx was already asleep. He wasn’t going to try to crawl into bed with her, and he wasn’t going to sleep beside Rey either, so he slept on the floor instead, further proving to Alyx he wasn’t going to choose between his wife and his best friend.

He went to the bathroom, and it looked like a murder scene. Rey’s shaving razor had been ripped apart, and blood had been lazily cleaned up with the white hotel washcloth now stained pink laying on the counter. He sighed, picking up a towel and the bar of soap and wiping away the last of the smeared blood before he hid the soiled towels behind the trash can...

Read the whole story on AO3

[demuredesire]

Between the Lines - Chapter 7

Ben starts to fall for his best friend, but by the time he realizes, it may already be too late.

This isn’t your typical Reylo fic. It isn’t going to be ERMAGERD BEN LUVS REY AND DEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

This is based on a true story woven from personal experience, and much like life, things don’t always go as planned.

———————————————————————————————

November changed everything.

Ben, Alyx, and Rey drove back to the apartment the next morning after they had spent the night at Dylan’s. The whole ride, Rey had to keep her eyes shut otherwise Ben would have to pull over so she could throw up. He already had to twice, but luckily she was throwing up so often, she knew exactly when she was going to, so he had at least thirty seconds to warn him before she did.

Thankfully Ben and Rey didn’t work that night, but Alyx did. She seemed to be in the best shape out of all of them despite what she had done last night. Ben was still floating. The effects of the drugs hadn’t quite worn off, but he wasn’t completely oblivious to detail. He couldn’t help but notice when Alyx put on her coat, she was trying to cover a slightly bruised red spot on the inside of her elbow, a track mark. She had broken one of the rules, arguably one of the most important ones, but there was no sense in yelling at her now. She did what she wanted; there was nothing he could do to change that...

Read the whole story on AO3

[demuredesire]

Between the Lines - Chapter 6

Ben starts to fall for his best friend, but by the time he realizes, it may already be too late.

This isn’t your typical Reylo fic. It isn’t going to be ERMAGERD BEN LUVS REY AND DEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

This is based on a true story woven from personal experience, and much like life, things don’t always go as planned.

———————————————————————————————

It was October, and there was more changing than the colors of the trees.

The drugs weren’t working like they used to. No matter how many percs or Trams they take—Ben, Alyx, and Rey usually end up getting sick before the high is what it’s supposed to be. At least for Rey anyway; she nearly always threw up. They needed something else.

Ben managed to get ahold of roxycodone; blues they’re called. Basically they’re a step below OxyContin, that is before they quit making them because drug addicts kept robbing pharmacies. It’s one of the strongest prescription painkillers out there and the street price shows it. $30 for one pill; upwards of $50 if the market’s dry. Luckily, only one or two pills does the same job as 10 Trams...

Read the whole chapter on AO3

[demuredesire]

Between the Lines - Chapter 5

Ben starts to fall for his best friend, but by the time he realizes, it may already be too late.

This isn’t your typical Reylo fic. It isn’t going to be ERMAGERD BEN LUVS REY AND DEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

This is based on a true story woven from personal experience, and much like life, things don’t always go as planned.

———————————————————————————————

It was September. The summer exhaled its last breath of life, and the nights went cold. The world around was changing.

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. His parents, who had protested his marriage every step of the way, saying him and Alyx were too young, were happy and supportive during the ceremony and reception. Two families became one that day, and they celebrated without reservation.

Ben was so busy with Alyx thanking everyone, greeting new faces, his new family of in-laws, that he didn’t realize Rey faded from view. The last he saw her, she was sitting at a table with their coworkers, toasting the union of her closest friends, but she wasn’t there...

Read the whole chapter on AO3