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I'm moving out on saturday, I'm so excited, yet its really scary to realize how old I'm. I mean I'm only 20, but moving out of home is such a mature thing and it was something that seemed far away, but now its only a few days. Thats crazy. I have to do preparations and I want to see some friends before. Lots of them I will see very rarely from now on. Sad, but thats how life is right? People come and go. Thats what you also said to me and yet I still miss you haha. Lets see how it all goes, feel hugged sweet girl and sleep well. Be happy always, gn
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My favorite part of the year finally begins. Cold and dark, just how I like it haha. I started going for late night walks again with my favorite coat on. It always makes me happy, althought I always get melancholic. I think about the time exactly one year ago where I did the same to think about you and I just cant stop asking myself "How is Jennie doing right now?" or "Will we ever be friends again?" I will never forget you or what you did for me, for us. I start to miss you more again and I always hope you are doing fine and you are happy. I'm able to be happy here and life is going well. Still, there are always moments, I think about you and I hope you still think about me too. Be happy always Jennie, feel hugged sweet girl, gn
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Please let us be friends again, I miss you. I still believe in our five years plan. I mean 6 months pased, thats 10% already. See? Not that long of a time haha. I had a nice day today. We watched some funny Poetry slams in L眉beck and cruised through the bars, drank and met some friends. Some of my last activitys before moving out. I will miss it, just as I miss you, feel hugged, sweet girl, gn
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Its getting really cold here all of a sudden, like wow. It was full summer mode with 30掳 just some days ago and now it almost feels like winter with 10掳 already. But yeah I love it. Its cold, but I love cold, way better than the sun tho. Im sweating less, I can wear my hoodies and my beloved coat again, but its not that cold, that Im going out as a floating tank again haha. Also I can already tell, the darker days and the coldness makes me nostalgic. Its the same time one year ago I started to really write with you and get to know you. When I come home in the cold and I still feel it, my instinct reacts and wants to write to you. The cold is still connected to writing with you, thats funny. That makes me miss you more again, maybe you feel the same? I dunno. Also I was in Kiel today and the apartment is really, really great and the people I will share the apartment are really nice. So I think I will take this huge oportunity and move there. Lets see how everything goes. I miss you still, feel hugged sweet girl, gn 馃槍
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Life is going well, Im in good routine with sleep, sports, work and friends and Im proud of myself that I can keep up with everything. Its kinda sad that this part of my life ends soon. I will move to Kiel in two weeks and start studying. Tomorrow I will go there and look at an apartment I'm interested in. If it all goes well and if I like the apartment, I will move there. It would be great to have a home there and have a safe feeling about it. Some of my friends already moved out and its sad seeing us being seperated. I'm the only one, who will be in Kiel, I'm completely alone there. We will all still be friends, but we wont see eachother often anymore. Still, I will stay positive and I know I will get to learn a lot of new people in the new town I will move. Lets see how it goes. I still miss you, feel hugged 鈽猴笍 gn
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Some nights are magical. Some nights are beautiful yet depressing. Its midnight, its raining and lightning. I love this ambience and you can feel the colder days are about to begin and summer is finally vanishing. I like the cold more, but its also time for the depressing dark parts of the year, which still makes me happier then anything else, althought my lonelyness increases. I feel alone. I'm with friends, I feel alone. I learn new people, I feel alone. I'm home with family, I feel alone. I love my friends, but I cling on to them so much, because they are everything I have. I feel like I can be abondoned and replaced any moment. I feel like I'm not an important part of this world, nor in anyones life. I know that people like me, but it feels like there isnt, or ever will be a person who loves me. Daytime I'm active, I live and I laugh with people I love, but there is nobody there for me, when its nighttime. There is nobody comforting me, cuddling me. I'm in my bed overthinking anything about myself again, alone. Without a loved one, I desperately need right now. I dont have a dating life, I dont just want physicall touch. I just want someone to love. Someone who can understand me. My experiences were all failures. I gained more traumas then joy with dating and falling in love. I wish I could stop. I wish I could just stop caring about it. I wish I could be happy alone, because I know I will stay alone. I wish I could learn to be happy, just by myself and not with someone I can call my better half. I wish, I just didnt care. Sorry for being a negative idiot once again. I really want to try put some positive entrys here, but right now I needes to write my bad emotions off my chest, my diary is meant for that. Good night, feel hugged.
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Hey, how are you doing Jennie? I once again hope you are fine. I still miss you and I posted here every day for months now. I will still post here, but less often from now on and only if I have something interesting to tell. Also I want to be more positive. Just missing you and telling how bad I feel wont make any difference. I still want to treat this journal like you read it, even tho Im sure you dont. I still miss you very much and I will still miss you. You are important to me and I dont want you to feel bad or trigger episodes, when you look up what Im doing here. I want to be happy and I will share it here. Me being happy doesnt mean, I dont want to know you again. I NEED to know you again someday Jennie. Maybe Im slowly ready to let you go as a loved one, but I will never let you go as a friend. You are a great friend and I want you to return someday. I just need a Jennie in my life, be it a relationship or just a friendship. Im doing fine right now and Im sure you are doing fine too. Be happy always Jennie. Have a nice day and sleep well.
Feel hugged, pretty girl
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Hey, its September now, wow, so much time passed. I know its your birthday month. You once said Im only one month older than you, so you have to be born in september, but I wish I would know which day. I will just try to guess some random day haha. Are you fine Jennie? Im doing fine. I am out a lot, I see friends, I go to gym, I go to work. Just living my life here and waiting to move out and start studying. I'm excited, but also nervous, you know. Im still missing you Jennie. Moving on is hard, but Im doing fine. I'm still sure, you are the women of my life, but I just cant cling on to a love that probably doesnt exist anymore. I'm still searching for love here, but nothing seems to really work. Maybe Im born to be alone, who knows? I cant really put my feelings for you in words, I still love you, but I guess Im finally moving on from hoping to have you again someday. My dream, to know you again someday, will never die, NEVER, but maybe not as a loved one anymore, but as a friend. This dream will still last, even if I can "only" be friends with you. I want to be friends with you. I enjoyed everything about us, our short love, but maybe even more, our time as friends. If I cant have you back as a loved one, I at least want you back as a friends, a great friend, my best friend. I miss you Jennie and yeah, I still do love you, a lot. I hope you are doing fine, have a nice day :)
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You start to feel unreal to me. I miss you so much, yet there is no single sign of existence from you. It starts to feel like you dont even exist anymore. You are just gone. You dont tell me how you do. I dont know anything about you anymore. Maybe you have completely changed already. Maybe you dont even try to remember me anymore. Maybe you wont ever come back. I still hold on to your promise. You promised me, we would know eachother again someday. I look forward to meet you someday. I might be delulu, but I want this so bad. Even if we dont love eachother anymore, I just need to see you in real life someday Jennie. Its almost half a year... I want to know you again. Cant you just come back? I just want to be friends with you again. I miss our friendship. I miss our connection. I just miss you...
so damn much...
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