depthdelver-blog

[depthdelver-blog]

Overnight we were something, in 5 days we overcame the fears, doubts, hesitation. Now it's something else completely.. Now it's the wondering about what the isolation and loneliness might feel like. I'm not sure how to prepare for it, but I see you trying to build me a network.. Introducing me to your friends, colleagues.. Wanting me to feel welcomed and connected.

Depthdelver.tumblr.com // WE are a team

[depthdelver-blog]

It's that I'm allowed to be flawed, it's okay to be imperfect. It's in the appreciation for the little things I do, it's being... Valued. It's getting to show love in a way I enjoy, it's being heard, it's being accepted, it's being shown kindness.

Depthdelver.tumblr.com // The whys

[depthdelver-blog]

Cosy snuggles and fold-into cuddles. Whispered conversations and hard questions, tears and trauma, happiness and shame, all laid out with no judgement. Happy moonlit nights, with silent flurries drifting and convering everything. I didn't realise how wonderful it could be to wake up in the dark, to roll over and lay myself onto his chest. From burrowing myself into his back, to wrapping his arm over my waist, gentle gentle strokes, rough faces and warm hands, cold toes and a strong, steady heartbeat. Face tucked into his neck, buried into his chest, trying hard as if to absorb every atom of his being.

Snowflakes and fleece duvets // Depthdelver.tumblr.com

[depthdelver-blog]

It is what it is, what it is, what is is.

One step forward, two steps back.

[depthdelver-blog]

It comes down to a few things for me when it comes to partners..

When push comes to shove, am I your highest priority? Will you consistently make time for me? (of course I wouldn't ask you to choose between me and let's say.. A family emergency)

Second, do you choose & continue to choose me, on a daily basis? Will you draw lines in the sand, to afford me the respect I deserve even when I'm not around to see it?

Third, do you trust me more than anyone else? Do you exercise that trust?

Fourth, do you see emotional cheating as a betrayal of your partner?

03.02.2020

[depthdelver-blog]

I don't like showing vulnerability. So I don't call people out on their rubbish if I'm the one that gets hurt. I also take time to process how I feel, so I try to remain polite until I know. The in between though.. That's when I don't like myself.

[depthdelver-blog]

"You wouldn't understand". Yes, I know I'm not familiar with your world, your comics, your games, your jokes. I get that. You aren't familiar with mine either. So the unwritten rule is that we'd explain and try to include each other. Until today apparently. I've never heard you say something so alienating before.

Okay then. I guess.. you do you.

[depthdelver-blog]

I'm so stupid sometimes. So stupid. That's a truth. There's an ideal for you, Pattern.

Depthdelver.tumblr.com // Twitter meet my girl

[depthdelver-blog]

[depthdelver-blog]

Rewind, rewind, rewind, undo, undo, undo.

I'll love you but I think I need to carefully tip toe backwards. Cause the more I read, the more I'm starting to think.. I don't think you'll ever be ready to love me back. Love might be the wrong word - I don't think you'll ever be ready to trust me with your happiness. Kinda serves me right I suppose. Spent all my life thinking I didn't need it & I could go without. Serves me right that you pursued me, I fell in love and... You sort of froze.

[depthdelver-blog]

It's time to go back to that little project I left on my desk. To go back to continuing to be strong and independent and self sufficient.

[depthdelver-blog]

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” - Oscar Wilde

[depthdelver-blog]

“It is true that I miss intelligent companionship, but there are so few with whom I can share the things that mean so much to me that I have learned to contain myself. It is enough that I am surrounded with beauty.”

— Jon Krakauer

[depthdelver-blog]

I don't like being treated like I'm a toy. Like my requests don't matter. Like everything is up in the air and what I say is a game. Like nothing is important.

[depthdelver-blog]

“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand–and melting like a snowflake…”

— Francis Bacon (via philosophyquotes)

[depthdelver-blog]

I'm not sure.. I have to wonder if I am just not enough. Or if you'll always be scared of me breaking your heart and never take my hand. Or if you'll never be able to let go of a ghost that hurt you.

[depthdelver-blog]

It's highly possible that I'm just not destined for happiness